What sort of starship flaws can you think of?

Sinder Sleeping · Tue Jun 24, 2008 2:47 pm

Not enough Red Shirts for the crew to wear! :twisted:

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:18 pm

Sinder Sleeping wrote:Not enough Red Shirts for the crew to wear!

Crew members on the ship have unusually bad luck unless they are officers. The non-officers have a life expectancy measured in weeks and months, depending on the tour of duty. Everytime the ship gets hit by weapons fire a console will explode and kill a crew member. Everytime some alien thing gets on the ship, it will begin killing random crew members. However, despite this, the ship's reputation is a heroic/glorious one, and there are always more people at the next port willing to enlist. Bonus for the officers, crew members rarely live long enough to get paid, and the signing contracts that were already made up when the group got ownership of the ship stipulates that in the event of a crewman's death, no recompense will be paid to family. Very profitable for the officers...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:29 pm

Food Poisoning--_The ship's food synthesizers/processors deliver delicious, nutritious meals every time...problem is, they're also rich in heavy metals and bio-accumulative toxins...given a few months of a steady diet of ship chow, that build-up becomes critical, at which point nothing short of full-out chelation, purgative, therapies will work....or reincarnation...

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:41 pm

taalismn wrote:Food Poisoning--_The ship's food synthesizers/processors deliver delicious, nutritious meals every time...problem is, they're also rich in heavy metals and bio-accumulative toxins...given a few months of a steady diet of ship chow, that build-up becomes critical, at which point nothing short of full-out chelation, purgative, therapies will work....or reincarnation...

Similar idea, except instead of poison, the food is laced with a highly addictive chemical. It doesn't affect performance or anything, until they stop getting it, then they go through lethal withdrawl. A way to maintain crew loyalty.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:51 pm

You can also substitute 'in/fertility drug', 'aphrodesiac', or 'hypnotic' for the food additives/contaminants...

Roscoe Del'Tane · Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:51 pm

LostOne wrote:
Sinder Sleeping wrote:Not enough Red Shirts for the crew to wear!

Crew members on the ship have unusually bad luck unless they are officers. The non-officers have a life expectancy measured in weeks and months, depending on the tour of duty...

Well, they can just pull off a Neelix, and declare themselves the 'Officers of XY' (didn't he claim he was the chief of happiness or morale or something?). Might not give them any more actual standing or authority amongst the crew, but would probably keep them alive.

And in the spirit of the previous food ideas, Slop Meals: The meals are a disgusting pile of slime and goop with rancid looking meaty and vegetable bits floating around in it. The meals are actually quite nutritious, just absolutely foul tasting, smelling, and looking; they have everything neccessary to keep you alive, its just nearly impossible to keep the sludge down.

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:45 am

Roscoe Del'Tane wrote:Well, they can just pull off a Neelix, and declare themselves the 'Officers of XY' (didn't he claim he was the chief of happiness or morale or something?). Might not give them any more actual standing or authority amongst the crew, but would probably keep them alive.

Moral Officer. But Janeway made it official, so he was basically a non-commissioned officer.

Roscoe Del'Tane wrote:And in the spirit of the previous food ideas, Slop Meals: The meals are a disgusting pile of slime and goop with rancid looking meaty and vegetable bits floating around in it. The meals are actually quite nutritious, just absolutely foul tasting, smelling, and looking; they have everything neccessary to keep you alive, its just nearly impossible to keep the sludge down.

We had that in one of our games...we called it "Ick".
"What's the flavor today?"
"Beef Ick."
"What about tonight?"
"Mystery Meat Ick."
"Breakfast tomorrow?"
"Banana Ick."
"Lunch tomorrow?"
"Ick Ick."
"I think I'll skip lunch tomorrow."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:43 pm

LostOne wrote:
Roscoe Del'Tane wrote:Well, they can just pull off a Neelix, and declare themselves the 'Officers of XY' (didn't he claim he was the chief of happiness or morale or something?). Might not give them any more actual standing or authority amongst the crew, but would probably keep them alive.

Moral Officer. But Janeway made it official, so he was basically a non-commissioned officer.

Roscoe Del'Tane wrote:And in the spirit of the previous food ideas, Slop Meals: The meals are a disgusting pile of slime and goop with rancid looking meaty and vegetable bits floating around in it. The meals are actually quite nutritious, just absolutely foul tasting, smelling, and looking; they have everything neccessary to keep you alive, its just nearly impossible to keep the sludge down.

We had that in one of our games...we called it "Ick".
"What's the flavor today?"
"Beef Ick."
"What about tonight?"
"Mystery Meat Ick."
"Breakfast tomorrow?"
"Banana Ick."
"Lunch tomorrow?"
"Ick Ick."
"I think I'll skip lunch tomorrow."

Damn, but that's an infectious bad joke...now I can't help but think of 'fried ick', boiled ick, ick gumbo, ick cocktail, saunteed ick, etc...all delivered in Forrest Gump tones...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:26 am

ROFLMAO!!!! Those are some great ones! Please keep them coming!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:20 pm

Shifting Center of Gravity---The ship's center of gravity is unstable in atmospheric flight, (not simply nose- or tail-heavy) and causes the ship to 'porpoise'(-20% to piloting rolls) unless the crew is fast enough to begin shifting cargo or simply running from one side/end of the ship to the other to straighten it out...

Roscoe Del'Tane · Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:52 pm

Tailgaiters: The navigation program in this ship has a slight fault in it. If this vehicle is part of a convoy or grouping or other vessels, it follows at point blank range behind the closest vessel, resulting in a -10% to all piloting rolls and -3 to all strike rolls, due to the proximity to the other vehicle.

Just something I find extremely annoying when I drive.

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:22 am

ROFLMAO!!! Now I can see both of those being great sight gags in the various games. Please keep them coming!

Roscoe Del'Tane · Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:10 pm

Out-of-Phase Decking: The cockpit/command center and one random room/hallway a day will have portions of paneling that will phase out of our universe. Best make sure you carry sticks to poke at the floor, seeing as how it will still look exactly the same...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:13 pm

Roscoe Del'Tane wrote:Out-of-Phase Decking: The cockpit/command center and one random room/hallway a day will have portions of paneling that will phase out of our universe. Best make sure you carry sticks to poke at the floor, seeing as how it will still look exactly the same...

Variation on the above:
Part of the EXTERNAL hull will phase out...not enough to allow atmosphere to escape, but anything more massive and leaning against the hull, is going to fall straight through...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Mon Jun 30, 2008 5:38 pm

ROFLMAO!!! Some more great ones! Please keep them coming!

Roscoe Del'Tane · Mon Jun 30, 2008 6:39 pm

Blind Mans' Bluff: Every day there is a cumulative 1% chance of ALL external sensors simultaneously failing. Better hope you've got a window or something, cause you'll be flying blind. This visual blackout lasts for one minute per day you had gone without triggering the sensor failure (ten days=ten minutes, ninety days=nintey minutes).

Seniority of the strongest: Rank and influence within the ship is based on physical strength, with the strongest person/being as the captain.

Viral Reproduction: The captain has a form of limited immortality, whenever he dies while on (or within 200 feet per level)the ship he dissolves into a puddle of goop, which covers the lowest ranking officers body, and reforms it into a perfect reproduction of the captains. The problem with this is the captain doesn't have any extra protections against the trauma of death, so will become largely insane after a few time.

Fuel Additives: Especially prevalent amongst some of the Riathanor ships, this additive is the bodies of sentient beings. Each 100 pounds of former people adds 10% to the overall speed of the ship and adds +1% to piloting rolls and a natural +1 to strike. Unfortunatley, this also turns your ship into something that looks rather like the Riathanor themselves, and gives it a VERY detectable radar signature (+5 to strike from all enemies), making it impossible to hide amingst other ships and difficult to dodge incoming enemies.

All I got for now.

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:35 am

Excellent ones Roscoe! Please keep them coming!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:06 pm

Ship-Carnivore---The ship has self-repair systems, using materials scrounged from deep space...that's good...the bad news is, after the ship destroys another ship, it persists in hanging around to digest and enjoy its kill...unless the ship is facing 5-1 odds or worse, or the crew takes drastic measures to get the ship moving, it will not abandon its 'prey'...and even then, there's a 50% chance the ship will try to drag the wreck of its latest meal with it...reduce speed by 25%...though the ship's weapons get a +1 to initaive and +10% extra damage for protecing its 'meal' from what it perceives as scavengers...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:38 am

ROFLMAO!!! That was a great one. I can see the peoples of various militaries reacting badly to that one.

KLM · Unread post by **KLM** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:43 am

taalismn wrote:Ship-Carnivore---The ship has self-repair systems, using materials scrounged from deep space...that's good...the bad news is, after the ship destroys another ship, it persists in hanging around to digest and enjoy its kill...
(...)
though the ship's weapons get a +1 to initaive and +10% extra damage for protecing its 'meal' from what it perceives as scavengers...

And maybe during "digestion", the automated digestive enzime of the ship (ie. robots, be they androids or
nanites) takes care so that the still functioning weaponry of the prey are brought online...

Adios
KLM

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:00 am

That is a cool addenum to that one KLM! Great suggestion. Maybe it can do it thru the use of nanobots too. Please keep these coming!

KLM · Unread post by **KLM** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:23 am

Not just nanobots.

As a technical side note, such salvaging probably more efficient - both timewise and (spare)partwise -
if the prey is not broken down to elementary particles, but working blocks (whole turrets, armor plates,
local computers, you name it) are ripped out, stored and then inserted into our own systems.

Mind you, since the 3 Galaxies have more or less universal technology ("standard" missile types,
standard e-clips, and of course those "make yourself starships" mentioned at the shipping cans),
such technological cannibalism is more than feasible.

Of course, nanites beautifully supplement these bigger salvaging drones - as they can easily repair
stuff like damaged computer memory cards or cpu's, etc. which on our technology level are better
recycled, than repaired. Another thought is that today a computer becomes obsolete in a decade
at most - even more durable hardware, like a car or an MBT needs a serious upgrade.
Not in the "canon" 3 Galaxies.

Adios
KLM

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:42 am

Well...in that case, if the ship is adding to its capabilities, then one downside is that the ship ejects/evicts the crew or forces them into the lifeboats for the duration while it 'remodels'...

KLM · Unread post by **KLM** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:15 am

Quite possible, and of course most of us remember what it took for the SDF-1 to "transform".

On the other hand, IMO in the 3 Galaxies such an "always expanding" AI driven ships
(which are more or less qualify as Von Neumann Machines) are not welcome.

But of course, they might happen to exist.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-repli ... atic_model

That said, Taalism's original concept was that the "carnivorous" ship only "feeds" - ie. only
needs part to sustain itself, not expanding capabilities or reproduction, the occasional
changing one destroyed plasma canon to a salvaged P-Beam included.

This version is more "in line" with canon.

IMO.

Adios
KLM

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:35 am

Declining Resale Value---Most ships lose value with age, but not as fast as your ship...Whether it was on the cusp of a now obsolete technology when it was built, or because 'Ship Finder' lists your vessel's service history as a 'black hole of an investment, and a disaster waiting for victims to show up', your investment has lost its value ...2d6x10%(yes....a NEGATIVE percentage is possible...that's where you'd have to PAY somebody else to take your ship away)....Hope you either found, salvaged, or stole this ship, because when it comes time to retire it(any minute now, likely), you're going to lose money on the deal...

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:41 pm

The ship is completely voice driven, the AI does all the actual piloting and controls all functions. The problem is the AI doesn't realize it's an AI, it thinks it's an actual person, a member of the crew. Anytime someone points out it's just an AI/computer/component of the ship, the AI becomes nonresponsive for 1d6x10 minutes while it sulks. If engaged in combat during that time, the ship is totally defenseless for 1d3 melees until the AI realizes it needs to raise shields and power weapons.

Roscoe Del'Tane · Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:18 pm

LostOne wrote:The ship is completely voice driven

Or instead of voices, it responds to sounds, but not ones that are normally associated with normal conversation. High pitched screetches, low moans, the kind of clicking noises you make with your tongue, heck, even the sound of the can-opener could work!

"Frank, go get that hyper-spanner out of storage and get ready to drop it on the Docter's foot, we need to be ready to go to lightpeed"
"BeeeellllCCCH! Oh crap! Undo, undo! I didn't want to arm the self destruct!"

The ship was once the property of a group of essentially interstellar hippies, who drove around doing peace movements and promoting 'free-love' and such. Of course, the outside of the ship is painted in eye-blinding psychodelic colors, and every now and then someone finds an old stash of 'natural herbs' (usually right before an inspector is due to check the ship for contraband). Further more, the ship is registered in most planets databases' as an annoyance, and the change in owners hasn't come through yet, so expect lots of explaining to the police why you've come back after the last time and such.

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:20 pm

Question about magical cold attacks in space. Regular water boils at 54000 degree at 98.6 degree. In space water evaporates immediatedly then reforms in 64 molecules beads.

How does this effect mafical cold attacks that normally use water as the cold.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:41 pm

Macabre Upholstery---It's not readily apparent to the crew on casual inspection, but the entire complement of furniture aboard the ship is upholstered in the processed hide/skin/fur of once-sentient beings...Unfortunately, the next port(s) of call are dominated by the species to whom those integuments belonged, and any members of the species who step aboard will immediately identify the furnishings as the result of flayings...resulting in a real sticky situation for the crew ...

csbioborg · Unread post by **csbioborg** » Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:42 pm

Watch red dwarf and Lex +farscape for ideas on flawed ship in that order

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Thu Jul 03, 2008 12:05 am

I've seen all three of those shows! They are great shows! And I'm interested in seeing more of our twisted flaws that people have come up with. Great ones today. Please keep them coming!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:30 pm

Command-Control Tag---The ship randomly reconfigures the control consoles around the ship to route all control functions through one of the consoles, giving the person at that desk, whether they want it or not, TOTAL control of ship functions, requiring either everybody to be versed in all ship functions, or some quick musical chairs and seating reshuffling. THe control rerouting takes place every 2d4 days.
Obviously this flaw doesn't work with single seater craft...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:18 am

ROFLMAO!!! That is a great flaw. I can see this being a flaw in several of the secondary fleets around Phase World. Please keep the flaws coming!

Roscoe Del'Tane · Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:25 am

External cockpit: Due to some bizare mishap with the contrstruction plant made it so that the only place that navigation controls (when not going lightspeed at least) are mounted on the OUTSIDE of the hull, requiring people to leave the ship to change direction.

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:06 am

ROFLMAO!!! That is a great one! That would be one heck of problem in the midst of a furball! Please keep them coming!

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 12:10 pm

csbioborg wrote:Question about magical cold attacks in space. Regular water boils at 54000 degree at 98.6 degree. In space water evaporates immediatedly then reforms in 64 molecules beads.

How does this effect mafical cold attacks that normally use water as the cold.

What does this have to do with starship flaws?

The ship has an unusual power plant, obviously designed by a race of the mineral vareity. Anyone of the meat/plant vareity on the ship when the power plant runs above 50% will find the water in their bodies beginning to boil. Apparently the power plant releases an unusual radiation that the designers weren't concerned about, but it kills anything water based by vaporizing all water in the ship.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 1:24 pm

Smell-based Controls---The ship was designed by beings who were sightless! IN this case, the original crew was more analogous to spacefaring moles, and so the ship has not a single visual display, some auditory displays, and a complex read-out system using aromatic clues! Beings with an advanced sense of discriminatory smell(like Dog Boys) are at an advantage to piloting this sort of vessel...while all others are just sniffing...

KLM · Unread post by **KLM** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:28 pm

Ehehe...

Do not try to pilot it without long whiskers and a well developed
"vibration-locating" sensory organs...

Adios
KLM

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:18 pm

"Well, sir...we're either under attack, there's a fire in the electrical system, or you really oughta change your socks, sir."

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:00 am

ROFLMAO!! Those were some great ones! Please keep them coming!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 5:58 pm

The DOOOOPPPPEEEE SHHHIIIPPPPPPPP.....Melllowww and stooonnnneeedddd...Come aboooarrrrdddd...somebody's stash of narcotics has leaked into the life support system, giving everybody a good dosing....it starts out subtly, but pretty soon everybody's absolutely mellowed out...That's when the customs inspection ship pulls up alongside...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Wed Jul 09, 2008 3:00 am

ROFLMAO!!! That was a great one! Please keep these flaws coming!

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:00 pm

taalismn wrote:The DOOOOPPPPEEEE SHHHIIIPPPPPPPP.....Melllowww and stooonnnneeedddd...Come aboooarrrrdddd...somebody's stash of narcotics has leaked into the life support system, giving everybody a good dosing....it starts out subtly, but pretty soon everybody's absolutely mellowed out...That's when the customs inspection ship pulls up alongside...

Unfortunately customs impounds the ship when no one is available to answer their hails. Everyone is raiding the galley in a massive group fit of the munchies.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jul 09, 2008 2:30 pm

Worse yet, upon entering the ship, the customs inspectors also fall victim to the dope-tainted life support..
Hearing no response from the inspections ship, ground control assumes the worst and vectors in a military patrol to deal with the situation...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:19 pm

And these guys come in fully enclosed power armors. So are they safe from the tainted air?

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:27 pm

Aramanthus wrote:And these guys come in fully enclosed power armors. So are they safe from the tainted air?

Provided they just don't shoot up the ship from a distance...

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Mon Jul 14, 2008 3:09 am

LOL!!! that could be a very bad thing for them to do. Unless that is they have more fire power then the local authorities.

LostOne · Unread post by **LostOne** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:06 pm

A race that is commonly the punchline of jokes for their horrid engineering (things such as the flaming toothbrush and electrified shower are more extreme examples of their failed tech that someone thought would be a good idea) makes their first interstellar spacecraft. But what is it made out of? Not metal alloys or plastics like most spacefaring races. No, it's made of SDC concrete...a giant cube ship with 3ft thick walls of strong-yet-brittle concrete reinforced by hemp rope instead of steel bars inside the concrete.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:02 pm

LostOne wrote:A race that is commonly the punchline of jokes for their horrid engineering (things such as the flaming toothbrush and electrified shower are more extreme examples of their failed tech that someone thought would be a good idea) makes their first interstellar spacecraft. But what is it made out of? Not metal alloys or plastics like most spacefaring races. No, it's made of SDC concrete...a giant cube ship with 3ft thick walls of strong-yet-brittle concrete reinforced by hemp rope instead of steel bars inside the concrete.

This was built by the Bludistupydjonsonians, right?

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Wed Jul 16, 2008 2:08 am

ROFLMAO!!! That was a great one Roscoe! I wonder if we should call "This Olde House" to repair and rebuild that ship!