Robotech Blooper Reels

[Alpha 11]

"Micronians! The Invid are coming! You have only ten days to evacuate your planet or face extinct-- Technician! Why did the signal cut out?!"
"It's not the signal that's gone, milord! It's the whole planet!"
"What do you mean?!"
"The Earth! It's gone! One moment it's there, the next it's NOT!"
"Don't be preposterous! Planets don't just disappear! It must be a sensor malfunction!"
"I got some of the Guard Triumvirate to go to a window and check! I even had somebody stick their head out a hatch! The planet's GONE! And their Moon too!"
"That's not possible!"
***
"How long until you think until they realize that we're simply on the other side of the Sun?"
"Figure another eight minutes for light lag. "
"Coulda just zipped over to Alpha Centauri."
"Not until we figure on a way to adjust for the sunlight spectrum. Plants are finicky about their light."
"You know, I normally don't like running from a fight, but even an old warhorse like me knows that retreat is sometimes the best solution. And I'm glad we devised those planetary Fold Engines! I just wish I could see the looks on those aliens' faces when we just vanished!"
"Stroke of genius, Field Marshal. Sorry I doubted you."

[taalismn]

"WE're taking this planet to Tirol! And step on it!"
****
"The Micronians took their entire PLANET to our old home system?!"
"Apparently so."
"Great...now we gotta ####ing WALK all the way back there?!"
"Not unless you know of another way to re-energize our Fold Drives."
"Told you the Micronians got all the cool stuff..."
"Oh shut the hell up or you get outside and start PUSHING!!!!"

[Alpha 11]

"WE're taking this planet to Tirol! And step on it!"
****
"The Micronians took their entire PLANET to our old home system?!"
"Apparently so."
"Great...now we gotta ####ing WALK all the way back there?!"
"Not unless you know of another way to re-energize our Fold Drives."
"Told you the Micronians got all the cool stuff..."
"Oh shut the hell up or you get outside and start PUSHING!!!!"

[taalismn]

"So, Rem, any luck making sense of Zor's final notes?"
"Not really."
"Too technical?"
"Have you, by chance, even LOOKED at his final records?"
"No..."
"Then you probably don't know that his 'secret records' were really his pornography stash!?"
"Oh..."
"Yes, 'oh'! After I spent three whole WEEKS trying to find anything hidden in all that, I wanted to shower in alcohol and set myself on fire! I swear, I don't know what the attraction of the whole 'Goth' thing is!"

[Alpha 11]

"So, Rem, any luck making sense of Zor's final notes?"
"Not really."
"Too technical?"
"Have you, by chance, even LOOKED at his final records?"
"No..."
"Then you probably don't know that his 'secret records' were really his pornography stash!?"
"Oh..."
"Yes, 'oh'! After I spent three whole WEEKS trying to find anything hidden in all that, I wanted to shower in alcohol and set myself on fire! I swear, I don't know what the attraction of the whole 'Goth' thing is!"

[taalismn]

Yep...Zor Prime had issues with his genetic 'parent' being a facilitator of genocide...Rem has issues with the fact that the original Zor was a louse in his personal life...

[Alpha 11]

Yep...Zor Prime had issues with his genetic 'parent' being a facilitator of genocide...Rem has issues with the fact that the original Zor was a louse in his personal life...

[taalismn]

"Next on Doctor Phil: Clones confront their gene-parent resentments!"

[Alpha 11]

"Next on Doctor Phil: Clones confront their gene-parent resentments!"

[taalismn]

"Skull Four, take the flank! Reider, watch your six! Braddock, you got three above you! Okay, Skulls, we pull a formation eight-ball on these guys and drop them into the sea! Ready on my mark! Three, t-*digital tone of 'Danger Zone'* pardon me, I gotta take this(pulls out his cell phone)...Yes, Fokker here, what do yo-***BBBLLLLLLAAAMMM***!!!!

Public Service Message: "Diving While Distracted Kills! Don't take a call while you're pushing the envelope!"

[Alpha 11]

"Skull Four, take the flank! Reider, watch your six! Braddock, you got three above you! Okay, Skulls, we pull a formation eight-ball on these guys and drop them into the sea! Ready on my mark! Three, t-*digital tone of 'Danger Zone'* pardon me, I gotta take this(pulls out his cell phone)...Yes, Fokker here, what do yo-***BBBLLLLLLAAAMMM***!!!!

Public Service Message: "Diving While Distracted Kills! Don't take a call while you're pushing the envelope!"

[taalismn]

Edwards: "I'm going to kill you, Rick Hunter....slowly, like you left me to die!"
Hunter: "You did all this because you think I left you behind at Alaska Base to die? All these people? All this betrayal? All this carnage? Because of THAT?! THat tears it, Edwards! You've made me angry!
You won't like me when I'm angry."

Edwards suddenly goes pale as his gaze wanders up....and across...and back...

[Alpha 11]

Edwards: "I'm going to kill you, Rick Hunter....slowly, like you left me to die!"
Hunter: "You did all this because you think I left you behind at Alaska Base to die? All these people? All this betrayal? All this carnage? Because of THAT?! THat tears it, Edwards! You've made me angry!
You won't like me when I'm angry."

Edwards suddenly goes pale as his gaze wanders up....and across...and back...

[taalismn]

"You keep a picture of T.R. Edwards in your wallet, Admiral Hunter? For heaven's sake, WHY?"
"It's not a picture, Reinhardt, it IS T.R. Edwards."
"...help me...."

[Alpha 11]

"You keep a picture of T.R. Edwards in your wallet, Admiral Hunter? For heaven's sake, WHY?"
"It's not a picture, Reinhardt, it IS T.R. Edwards."
"...help me...."

[taalismn]

You Might be a Robotech Redneck if...

You do your socks, brew your moonshine, and make your coffee in the same Protoculture Chamber.

Your Battlecruiser has Pollinator-tail pendants flying from the sensor antennae.

You refer to Invid as 'bears'.

Your Triumvirate all has your respective names tattooed on your biceps along with the number of the cloning tube you came from encircled by a heart.

You've ever launched a planetary invasion over the weekend for a beer run or to get rolling papers.

You're more concerned about the supplies of chewing tobacco than the supplies of Protoculture.

You've ever SMOKED Flower of Life

You don't know how your Battlepod or your Fold Drive works, but you've added a nitrous oxide injector to your cruiser's propulsion.

You've called off a planetary invasion because the SuperBowl was on.

You've ever been shot by a Quadronno for refering to her as a 'NASCAR Babe'.

Your unwashed denim overalls offer more protection than your Zentraedi EBA/ASC EBA/CVR-3 armor.

[Alpha 11]

You Might be a Robotech Redneck if...

You do your socks, brew your moonshine, and make your coffee in the same Protoculture Chamber.

Your Battlecruiser has Pollinator-tail pendants flying from the sensor antennae.

You refer to Invid as 'bears'.

Your Triumvirate all has your respective names tattooed on your biceps along with the number of the cloning tube you came from encircled by a heart.

You've ever launched a planetary invasion over the weekend for a beer run or to get rolling papers.

You're more concerned about the supplies of chewing tobacco than the supplies of Protoculture.

You've ever SMOKED Flower of Life

You don't know how your Battlepod or your Fold Drive works, but you've added a nitrous oxide injector to your cruiser's propulsion.

You've called off a planetary invasion because the SuperBowl was on.

You've ever been shot by a Quadronno for refering to her as a 'NASCAR Babe'.

Your unwashed denim overalls offer more protection than your Zentraedi EBA/ASC EBA/CVR-3 armor.

[DhAkael]

You've ever been shot by a Quadronno for refering to her as a 'NASCAR Babe'.

That'll get ya tied to the back of a strike-cruiser and dragged behind for 50 parecs in some sectors

[taalismn]

You Might be a Robotech Redneck if....

Your Silverback VJ has the silhouettes of naked women on its rear mudflaps.

Your Veritech's control sticks are made of welded chain.

You've ever written off the Protoculture you burned dirt-track racing your Cyclones as 'operational expenses'.

You've ever used a blast from your H-90 Gallant to open a bottle of beer.

You've ever seriously considered dating your own clone-sibling.

Your Robotech Master robes of office are grease-stained overalls

You've tried mounting a SynchroCannon on your John Deere.

You own a Veritech John Deere.

You were caught trying to use Protoculture in your still.

You've wolf-whistled at the Invid Regis.

[Alpha 11]

You Might be a Robotech Redneck if....

Your Silverback VJ has the silhouettes of naked women on its rear mudflaps.

Your Veritech's control sticks are made of welded chain.

You've ever written off the Protoculture you burned dirt-track racing your Cyclones as 'operational expenses'.

You've ever used a blast from your H-90 Gallant to open a bottle of beer.

You've ever seriously considered dating your own clone-sibling.

Your Robotech Master robes of office are grease-stained overalls

You've tried mounting a SynchroCannon on your John Deere.

You own a Veritech John Deere.

You were caught trying to use Protoculture in your still.

You've wolf-whistled at the Invid Regis.

You've ever been shot by a Quadronno for refering to her as a 'NASCAR Babe'.

That'll get ya tied to the back of a strike-cruiser and dragged behind for 50 parecs in some sectors

[taalismn]

You MIght be a Robotech Redneck if:

Your first question upon being presented with a new model of mecha is 'How much trunk space does it have?'

Your official introduction is 'Billy-Bob, Master of Robotechnology, Lord of Protoculture'.

Your Muse Triumvirate plays blue-grass on the Cosmic Banjo.

The real damage that enemy fire did to your ship was when the onboard still caught on fire.

Your power armor has ever appeared on the cover of Field and Stream

[Alpha 11]

You MIght be a Robotech Redneck if:

Your first question upon being presented with a new model of mecha is 'How much trunk space does it have?'

Your official introduction is 'Billy-Bob, Master of Robotechnology, Lord of Protoculture'.

Your Muse Triumvirate plays blue-grass on the Cosmic Banjo.

The real damage that enemy fire did to your ship was when the onboard still caught on fire.

Your power armor has ever appeared on the cover of Field and Stream

[taalismn]

You Might be a Robotech Redneck if:

You've ever been critically injured when your shotgun went off in its rack when you slammed closed your Varitech's canopy.

You know how the local equivalent of 'alligator' on Tirol, Praxis, Garuda, Perytonia, and Karbarrea tastes.

You've referred to Invid as 'crawfish'.

You've used reflex weaponry to remove a stump from your lawn

You feel mudbog racing needs more mecha in it

You've entered a GMU in a Monster Truck rally...Light Vehicle Category...

Your superior officer has ever asked you to remove the Confederate Battle Flag from your mecha.

You've ever fished with cobalt grenades.

You've used Shadow Technology to slip past the police speedtraps on the road

Your other fishing boat is a Salan Scout

[Alpha 11]

You Might be a Robotech Redneck if:

You've ever been critically injured when your shotgun went off in its rack when you slammed closed your Varitech's canopy.

You know how the local equivalent of 'alligator' on Tirol, Praxis, Garuda, Perytonia, and Karbarrea tastes.

You've referred to Invid as 'crawfish'.

You've used reflex weaponry to remove a stump from your lawn

You feel mudbog racing needs more mecha in it

You've entered a GMU in a Monster Truck rally...Light Vehicle Category...

Your superior officer has ever asked you to remove the Confederate Battle Flag from your mecha.

You've ever fished with cobalt grenades.

You've used Shadow Technology to slip past the police speedtraps on the road

Your other fishing boat is a Salan Scout

[taalismn]

The Haydonite fighters attacking the Icarus after it makes it back to Earth:
Captain Grant:( as yet ANOTHER Haydonite Wraith strafes them as their anti-fighter guns hammer away ineffectually) "Can't we even hit ONE of those things?!"
Maia: "Hold on, Captain....correcting for their speed...targeting...GOT ONE!...No, wait, that was one of ours...oops..."

[Alpha 11]

The Haydonite fighters attacking the Icarus after it makes it back to Earth:
Captain Grant:( as yet ANOTHER Haydonite Wraith strafes them as their anti-fighter guns hammer away ineffectually) "Can't we even hit ONE of those things?!"
Maia: "Hold on, Captain....correcting for their speed...targeting...GOT ONE!...No, wait, that was one of ours...oops..."

[taalismn]

"Captain Grant? We've run into a little problem getting the new SDF ready to leave Liberty Station..."
"What is it?"
"The last crew? They accidentally locked the keys inside...we can't get through the airlocks without breaking them."
Everybody looks at the Invid Princess in their midst.
*Sigh*"From exotic alien beauty to glorified jimmy strip..fine, I'll get you in."

[Alpha 11]

"Captain Grant? We've run into a little problem getting the new SDF ready to leave Liberty Station..."
"What is it?"
"The last crew? They accidentally locked the keys inside...we can't get through the airlocks without breaking them."
Everybody looks at the Invid Princess in their midst.
*Sigh*"From exotic alien beauty to glorified jimmy strip..fine, I'll get you in."

[taalismn]

Beginning of the New Generation arc; Rand is racing his Cyclone across the desert with the the Imvid in close pursuit.
He looks up and sees a dust cloud in FRONT of him.
"What the-?"
*CRASH*
-as Scott Bernard piles into him in a head-on collision.
*BOOM*
The Invid stare at the flaming wreckage. THIS was unexpected.
#Stupid Humans#

[drewkitty ~..~]

In cannon town (rook's hometown) the biker leader and rook face off riding their bikes across. Coming to the middle their front tires meet a,d the bike flip up and both riders bonk heads.

[Jefffar]

In cannon town (rook's hometown) the biker leader and rook face off riding their bikes across. Coming to the middle their front tires meet a,d the bike flip up and both riders bonk heads.

Director voiceover "We shot that scene 38 times and this was the best take. We lost Rooks body double and two stuntmen that day."

[taalismn]

Trench Town Outtake:
The Snakes are about to dogpile Rook when suddenly (*SHRAK!*) there's the sudden sharp report of a energy weapon.
Everybody turns to see Rand standing there next to Lily, his Gallant H-90 smoking from firing a warning shot into the air. It's clear he means business.
"Okay folks, let's not be hasty. Let's just have a nice little chal-"
*KERUNCH*
The ceiling beam Rand just shot out collapses on top of him, crushing him under a pile of debris.
The Snakes turn back towards Rook, the feral look in their eyes back...
Rook(sweating): "Rand...you idiot..."

[Alpha 11]

Beginning of the New Generation arc; Rand is racing his Cyclone across the desert with the the Imvid in close pursuit.
He looks up and sees a dust cloud in FRONT of him.
"What the-?"
*CRASH*
-as Scott Bernard piles into him in a head-on collision.
*BOOM*
The Invid stare at the flaming wreckage. THIS was unexpected.
#Stupid Humans#

In cannon town (rook's hometown) the biker leader and rook face off riding their bikes across. Coming to the middle their front tires meet a,d the bike flip up and both riders bonk heads.

In cannon town (rook's hometown) the biker leader and rook face off riding their bikes across. Coming to the middle their front tires meet a,d the bike flip up and both riders bonk heads.

Director voiceover "We shot that scene 38 times and this was the best take. We lost Rooks body double and two stuntmen that day."

Trench Town Outtake:
The Snakes are about to dogpile Rook when suddenly (*SHRAK!*) there's the sudden sharp report of a energy weapon.
Everybody turns to see Rand standing there next to Lily, his Gallant H-90 smoking from firing a warning shot into the air. It's clear he means business.
"Okay folks, let's not be hasty. Let's just have a nice little chal-"
*KERUNCH*
The ceiling beam Rand just shot out collapses on top of him, crushing him under a pile of debris.
The Snakes turn back towards Rook, the feral look in their eyes back...
Rook(sweating): "Rand...you idiot..."

[taalismn]

Khyron: "To show my contempt for you micronians, and because I am utterly $#!+faced on this unexpectedly high-proof Garudan Ale, I shall now entertain my 'guests' by belching Minmei's greatest hits!"
Kyle:(in the silverware cage)"You bastard!"
Minmei: "Kyle, now you're about to hear what I've had to put up with from you every other night..."

[Alpha 11]

Khyron: "To show my contempt for you micronians, and because I am utterly $#!+faced on this unexpectedly high-proof Garudan Ale, I shall now entertain my 'guests' by belching Minmei's greatest hits!"
Kyle:(in the silverware cage)"You bastard!"
Minmei: "Kyle, now you're about to hear what I've had to put up with from you every other night..."

[taalismn]

"Khyron dear? Did you remember, when you put our VALUABLE hostages in something more 'secure' to hold them, to punch airholes in the tupperware? It is after all AIRTIGHT."
"Azonia, of COURSE I did....at least I THINK I did! Well anyway, even if I didn't, I put it in the freezer, so they should keep."
(Azonia facepalms)

[Alpha 11]

"Khyron dear? Did you remember, when you put our VALUABLE hostages in something more 'secure' to hold them, to punch airholes in the tupperware? It is after all AIRTIGHT."
"Azonia, of COURSE I did....at least I THINK I did! Well anyway, even if I didn't, I put it in the freezer, so they should keep."
(Azonia facepalms)

[taalismn]

Kyle: (Shivering) "I never thought I'd go out like this...forgotten like old potato salad..."
Minmei:(shivering for a different reason) "I think some of that potato salad just MOVED!"

[Alpha 11]

Kyle: (Shivering) "I never thought I'd go out like this...forgotten like old potato salad..."
Minmei:(shivering for a different reason) "I think some of that potato salad just MOVED!"

[taalismn]

"Look what I got, Azonia! A Kylesicle!"
"That's good, but where's the female?"
Meanwhile...
"Make like Mystery Meat and don't move and maybe they'll ignore me!"

[Alpha 11]

"Look what I got, Azonia! A Kylesicle!"
"That's good, but where's the female?"
Meanwhile...
"Make like Mystery Meat and don't move and maybe they'll ignore me!"

[taalismn]

"And in news today, Lynn Minmei was rescued from Malcontent clutches by UEDF forces. The young musician and pop star was all right except for a bad case of freezer burn..."

[Alpha 11]

"And in news today, Lynn Minmei was rescued from Malcontent clutches by UEDF forces. The young musician and pop star was all right except for a bad case of freezer burn..."

[taalismn]

"Darn it...should have worn the Saranwrap dress..."

[Alpha 11]

"Darn it...should have worn the Saranwrap dress..."

[taalismn]

Rick Hunter, heading up 'Operation Star-Saver', takes a look at the deep-frozen Kylsicle:
"Always knew the man had a stick up his &*$^..."

[drewkitty ~..~]

UENN newman in a news center:"This in, from an anonymous source, a recording speculated to be of one of the command control platforms. Be warned, those with sensitive ears might want to leave the room at this time."
--
*a video starts playing, the picture is very bad and going between full static and a picture clouded with static, and the audio is just god enough to hear what is being said, it shows the divided interior of a mother goose command and control plane and a woman is screaming*
"What thzzt did they zzzztt I told you zzttt make sure you were to make zzzzzttt.reach, not zzzzzter."*sound of a chair crashing into something and coming into view through a doorway.*
"Just 5 *****ing min and that bi***h would of been dead."
*sound of a slide of a pistol being racked. and three sots being fired. the camera view bounces around like the camera man getting up from kneeling.*
"Damzzzttt.ell"
*as the view of the camera turn it catches the corner of a UEDF female officer's skirt coming into view in the corner of the video. three more shots are heard and the camera is dropped to the deck. then the sound of two more shots sound out, with the recording cutting out in the middle of the second shot.*
--
Back to the UENN newsman:"Currently there is no known investigation into this event. However, the UEDF retracted from their early statment that no support craft were damage, and that the secondary command craft had been shot down in an undisclosed location."
The UENN newsman is handed a stack of papers,
"In other news, the ...."the news cast goes on*

[taalismn]

"I thought you said you were a PROFESSIONAL?!"
"PLease, ma'am, do you know how difficult it is to smuggle a live polar bear into a Zentraedi freezer?"
"Well, obviously you failed!"
"Actually my assistant failed. I have not heard from him since he went in to accomplish the deed. As he was a rather hefty man, I fear perhaps the bear was too....full?...to be tempted by anything smaller and scrawnier."

[Alpha 11]

Rick Hunter, heading up 'Operation Star-Saver', takes a look at the deep-frozen Kylsicle:
"Always knew the man had a stick up his &*$^..."

UENN newman in a news center:"This in, from an anonymous source, a recording speculated to be of one of the command control platforms. Be warned, those with sensitive ears might want to leave the room at this time."
--
*a video starts playing, the picture is very bad and going between full static and a picture clouded with static, and the audio is just god enough to hear what is being said, it shows the divided interior of a mother goose command and control plane and a woman is screaming*
"What thzzt did they zzzztt I told you zzttt make sure you were to make zzzzzttt.reach, not zzzzzter."*sound of a chair crashing into something and coming into view through a doorway.*
"Just 5 *****ing min and that bi***h would of been dead."
*sound of a slide of a pistol being racked. and three sots being fired. the camera view bounces around like the camera man getting up from kneeling.*
"Damzzzttt.ell"
*as the view of the camera turn it catches the corner of a UEDF female officer's skirt coming into view in the corner of the video. three more shots are heard and the camera is dropped to the deck. then the sound of two more shots sound out, with the recording cutting out in the middle of the second shot.*
--
Back to the UENN newsman:"Currently there is no known investigation into this event. However, the UEDF retracted from their early statment that no support craft were damage, and that the secondary command craft had been shot down in an undisclosed location."
The UENN newsman is handed a stack of papers,
"In other news, the ...."the news cast goes on*

Not quite sure what was going on, but it still sounded a little funny.

"I thought you said you were a PROFESSIONAL?!"
"PLease, ma'am, do you know how difficult it is to smuggle a live polar bear into a Zentraedi freezer?"
"Well, obviously you failed!"
"Actually my assistant failed. I have not heard from him since he went in to accomplish the deed. As he was a rather hefty man, I fear perhaps the bear was too....full?...to be tempted by anything smaller and scrawnier."

[taalismn]

"Sir! The anti-gravity generators! They're-"
SKRRAKKK
"There they go!"
"WE're falling!"
"Retro-rockets! NOW!"
RRROOOWWWRRRRSMMMASSHHHH*KRACK*CRUMBLE)SHREEKKK
"WE're down! Landing blocks collapsed!"
"Claudia, contact Engineering immediately! Get me damage reports!...Lisa, call our insurance company! We have liftoff insurance, right?"