Robotech Blooper Reels

[Alpha 11]

Continuing the drunken lurching.....

You Might Have Drinking Problem in Robotech If:

*You don't CARE what's in Zarayba, as long as they leave you the bottle.
* You don't fear possible dismemberment in combat as much as you fear your hangover and the prospect of SOBRIETY.
* Some women drive men to drink; you drink to drive women AWAY
* You've ever had a breakfast of Alkaseltzer
*You regard the romantic entanglements of your fellow mecha pilots as a drinking game
*You regard COMBAT as a drinking game
*You've tried to use a Shadow Cloaking Device to slip out on paying your bar tab
*'Evasive Manuevers' to you means diving under the bar stool when Shore Patrol comes around
*You grade bars and taverns by how comfortable their floors are.
*You've been mistaken for a vampire for your sensitivity to light.

[taalismn]

The Robotech Combat Drinking Game(if you REALLY want to know):

*If a mecha launches an Itano Missile Massacre---1 drink
*If the young novice pilot starts swearing---1 drink
*If the young novice pilot gets saved by a more experienced pilot----2 drinks
*If the young novice pilot tries to hit on a fermale pilot while in combat---2 drinks
*If the more experienced pilot subsequently gets geeked after lecturing his novice pilots---2 drinks
*If said experienced pilot gets geeked upon just coming to a stunning revelation about the enemy---3 drinks
*If a bridge officer starts yelling anything along the lines of 'They're breaking through!' or 'Our guns can't touch them!'---1 drink
*Whenever the main guns fire---1 drink
*If said main gun wipes out a squadron or fleet of enemy ships----2 drinks
*If said main gun wipes out a PLANET---3 drinks
*When the ace pilot shows up at a critical moment in combat after being sprung from jail/crawling from his sickbed---2 drinks
*When the heroic ace pilot finds himself facing his nemesis on the battlefield---2 drinks
*If said nemesis also turns out to be his/her love interest---3 drinks
*When making that one-in-a-million killer shot---2 drinks

[Alpha 11]

The Robotech Combat Drinking Game(if you REALLY want to know):

*If a mecha launches an Itano Missile Massacre---1 drink
*If the young novice pilot starts swearing---1 drink
*If the young novice pilot gets saved by a more experienced pilot----2 drinks
*If the young novice pilot tries to hit on a fermale pilot while in combat---2 drinks
*If the more experienced pilot subsequently gets geeked after lecturing his novice pilots---2 drinks
*If said experienced pilot gets geeked upon just coming to a stunning revelation about the enemy---3 drinks
*If a bridge officer starts yelling anything along the lines of 'They're breaking through!' or 'Our guns can't touch them!'---1 drink
*Whenever the main guns fire---1 drink
*If said main gun wipes out a squadron or fleet of enemy ships----2 drinks
*If said main gun wipes out a PLANET---3 drinks
*When the ace pilot shows up at a critical moment in combat after being sprung from jail/crawling from his sickbed---2 drinks
*When the heroic ace pilot finds himself facing his nemesis on the battlefield---2 drinks
*If said nemesis also turns out to be his/her love interest---3 drinks
*When making that one-in-a-million killer shot---2 drinks

[taalismn]

You Might Have Drinking Problem in Robotech If:
*You've risked life and limb to escort, under enemy fire, a beer truck to safety
*Your mecha doesn't run on SLMH, but JD
* Your APC has an extra 50 MDC from the beer cans stacked inside it.
* T.R. Edwards holds you responsible for the death of his liver
* You've ever had battlefield M.A.S.H surgery to remove a swizzlestick, shot glass, or beer funnel from your throat
*You've taught Karbarreans the proud Human song; "Chug! Chug! Chug!"
*You've never been indicted by the JAG for rumrunning because you've always been able to swallow the evidence

[Alpha 11]

You Might Have Drinking Problem in Robotech If:
*You've risked life and limb to escort, under enemy fire, a beer truck to safety
*Your mecha doesn't run on SLMH, but JD
* Your APC has an extra 50 MDC from the beer cans stacked inside it.
* T.R. Edwards holds you responsible for the death of his liver
* You've ever had battlefield M.A.S.H surgery to remove a swizzlestick, shot glass, or beer funnel from your throat
*You've taught Karbarreans the proud Human song; "Chug! Chug! Chug!"
*You've never been indicted by the JAG for rumrunning because you've always been able to swallow the evidence

[taalismn]

Ways to Get T.R. Edwards ^&%*%^ed at You:

*Attach kitchen magnets and PostIt notes to his faceplate
*Stand in his blind spot; make rude noises. Keep walking to remain in his blind spot.
*Carry charts and statistics PROVING Roy Fokker is the better pilot.
*Carry charts and statistics proving RICK HUNTER is the better pilot.
*Carry charts and statistics proving BEN DIXON was the better pilot.
*Carry charts and statistics proving LISA Hayes could be the better pilot.
*Teach Lynn Minmei unarmed combat, knifefighting, and escapology.
*Call him 'Eddie-Boy'
*Push him down the Grand Cannon
*Apply superglue and itching powder to the inside of his faceplate
*Spam his personal comm channel with telemarketers
*Spike his aftershave with vulture attractant
*If vultures unavailable, substitute horseflies
*If horseflies unavailable, substitute local vermin
*Apply extract of poison ivy to his laundry---especially his underwear

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
21: Not allowed to refer to the cockpit in a VF-1 in Battloid Mode as 'crotch position'
22: Nor am I allowed to ask other pilots in Battloid Mode 'How's it hanging?"
23: I am not allowed to carry a skeleton in a flight suit in the back seat of my VT-1
24: Nor am I allowed to route video communications to the rear seat under those circumstances.
25: I will not moon the enemy from the open cockpit of my Hovertank---some of those Tirolians are DAMN good snipers
26: I will not ask Janice Em if I can use, borrow, or copy her 'software'
27: I will not ask the Pinpoint Barrier System operators if I can play 'Missile Command' with them.
28: I will not ask Sean Phillips if Marie Crystal is available this week
29: I will not ask Louie Nichols if he knows any good dating sims
30: I will not ask Angelo Dante if what they say about half-alien-blood women is correct....
31: I am not allowed to use my VEF-1's systems to hack and descramble the satellite TV Porn Channel signal stream
32: I will not use the MAC II as a golf cart
33: I will not use my Defender's target acquisition radars to illuminate and lock up my commander's aircraft 'just to shake him up a little'.
34: I am not permitted to paint the arms of my Phalanx as garbage cans
35: I am not allowed to hold dog fights with Pollinators
36: I will not sneak naked hookers into the room of our new Zentraedi team mate....it will either put him into shock, or I will have lost good money on hookers for a guy I hardly know
37: I will not ask to borrow the Tirolian Freedom Fighter's Bioroid Terminator sneaksuit armor to go peep on the women's bath
38: I will not try to peek under the Regis's robes
39: I will not try to peek under the Robotech Elders' robes...for entirely different reasons
40: I will not ask Field Marshal Leonard if he's 'eaten any good babies recently'.

[Alpha 11]

Ways to Get T.R. Edwards ^&%*%^ed at You:

*Attach kitchen magnets and PostIt notes to his faceplate
*Stand in his blind spot; make rude noises. Keep walking to remain in his blind spot.
*Carry charts and statistics PROVING Roy Fokker is the better pilot.
*Carry charts and statistics proving RICK HUNTER is the better pilot.
*Carry charts and statistics proving BEN DIXON was the better pilot.
*Carry charts and statistics proving LISA Hayes could be the better pilot.
*Teach Lynn Minmei unarmed combat, knifefighting, and escapology.
*Call him 'Eddie-Boy'
*Push him down the Grand Cannon
*Apply superglue and itching powder to the inside of his faceplate
*Spam his personal comm channel with telemarketers
*Spike his aftershave with vulture attractant
*If vultures unavailable, substitute horseflies
*If horseflies unavailable, substitute local vermin
*Apply extract of poison ivy to his laundry---especially his underwear

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):

1. I am no longer allowed to watch the Simpsons while doing the CAP.
2. I am not allowed to threaten my fellow members of the UEDF/ASC/UEEF with black magic.
3. I am not allowed to challenge their belief in black magic by asking for hair, blood, spit, etc.
4. I am not allowed to say “In accordance with the Shapings” to the end of any answer I give to a question.
5. Not allowed to add pictures of officers to War Criminal posters.
6. Nor is adding pictures of the GM to a War Criminal poster is also not allowed.
7. Purchesing a person’s soul is not allowed when on duty.
8. Training Wasteland dogs to attack the brass is not allowed.
9. Avoiding a haircut since it would interfer with my “Samson like powers” does not work.
10. May no longer perform the now (in)famous “Barbie Doll Dance” in my destroid/veritech/cyclone.
11. Must not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying slime... Even if their name is T.R Edwards.
12. Must not antagonize the GMP.
13. Must never call a GMP officer a “Rent-A-Cop”.
14. Must never ask someone who’s higher ranked if they’ve been into the Flower of Life.
15. Not allowed to have a sock puppet take responsibilty for my actions.
16. And, if I am a Zentraedi, I am not allowed to have a Minmei doll take responsibilty for my actions.
17. Having either of the above take control of the ship I am serving serving on in not allowed.
18. I am not allowed to call the chest cannons on a Quadrono Power armour “****** cannons”.
19. When searching direlict spaceships/bases do NOT press any button that’s all by itself.
20. Do not yell out “***** missles away!” when unleashing the short range missles in the chest launchers of an armoured Veritech.

Signed,
Harry Leferts

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
21: Not allowed to refer to the cockpit in a VF-1 in Battloid Mode as 'crotch position'
22: Nor am I allowed to ask other pilots in Battloid Mode 'How's it hanging?"
23: I am not allowed to carry a skeleton in a flight suit in the back seat of my VT-1
24: Nor am I allowed to route video communications to the rear seat under those circumstances.
25: I will not moon the enemy from the open cockpit of my Hovertank---some of those Tirolians are DAMN good snipers
26: I will not ask Janice Em if I can use, borrow, or copy her 'software'
27: I will not ask the Pinpoint Barrier System operators if I can play 'Missile Command' with them.
28: I will not ask Sean Phillips if Marie Crystal is available this week
29: I will not ask Louie Nichols if he knows any good dating sims
30: I will not ask Angelo Dante if what they say about half-alien-blood women is correct....
31: I am not allowed to use my VEF-1's systems to hack and descramble the satellite TV Porn Channel signal stream
32: I will not use the MAC II as a golf cart
33: I will not use my Defender's target acquisition radars to illuminate and lock up my commander's aircraft 'just to shake him up a little'.
34: I am not permitted to paint the arms of my Phalanx as garbage cans
35: I am not allowed to hold dog fights with Pollinators
36: I will not sneak naked hookers into the room of our new Zentraedi team mate....it will either put him into shock, or I will have lost good money on hookers for a guy I hardly know
37: I will not ask to borrow the Tirolian Freedom Fighter's Bioroid Terminator sneaksuit armor to go peep on the women's bath
38: I will not try to peek under the Regis's robes
39: I will not try to peek under the Robotech Elders' robes...for entirely different reasons
40: I will not ask Field Marshal Leonard if he's 'eaten any good babies recently'.

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
41: I will not use a cloning chamber to try to create my very own sex-kitten/stud
42: Especially not using the DNA of my commanding officer
43: Particularly not when said commanding officer's spouse/parent/significant other is inspecting the premises
44: I will not use the Protoculture Chamber to give the Zentraedi warlord a sex change
45: I will not load the Captain's pipe tobacco with gunpowder
46: I will not spike Marcus Rush's zarayba with LSD
47: I will not disconnect my wingman's ejection seat controls 'just to see the look on his face'
48: I am not permitted to order the Marsh Division Special Forces to turn out and find my golf balls
49: I will not use my FRB-7 Cyclops to spy on my girlfriend
50: I am not allowed to take my CDRC-1 Unicorn home to use on my neighbor's stupid little dog....unless I can produce conclusive proof the little monster is a threat to planetary security.

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
51: I will not play bumper cars with the aircraft taxis
52: I will not order an orbital strike on my ex's new boy-toy/flozzy
53: If Zentraedi I will not forcibly micronize my superior officer as a prank
54: Nor will I leave said micronized superior officer butt-naked on a beach in micronian territory
55: I will not drop ice cubes down the flightsuit collars of my fellow pilots
56: I will not paint giant bullseyes on the hull of the A.R.M.D.(it's kinda redundant)
57: I will not rent/sell/loan Cyclones to known members of the Hell's Angel's
58: I will not abuse my position in the CDC to speak in an atrocious French accent and launch giant wooden rabbits at enemy forces outside city limits
59: I will not sell GMP Lieutenant Satori's home address to the criminal element
60: I will not tell Captain Komodo that Nova Satori is a lesbian
61: I will not put the newly captured alien prisoner in a small cell with a unparolable man named 'Bubba' or 'Hannibal'
62: I will not shoot down any more small brightly colored civilian planes straying into controlled airspace...the pilot might wind up being my next superior officer
63: I will not refer to pineapple salad as 'the Dish of Death' or the 'Death Plate Special'.
64: I am not allowed to sell alien defectors maps of the ' Homes of the Powerful and Influential in Micronian Society'.
65: I will not offer to strip-search the suspected Invid Simulagent
65a: Nor will I bribe a commanding officer to ORDER me to do so...
66: I will not paint a smiley face and 'HAVE A NICE DAY' on the prow of the Superdimensional Fortress
67: I will not play around with the Nuetron-S detonator controls
67a: I will especially not do so while saying "What could possibly go wrong?"
68: I will not say "What can possibly go wrong?" under ANY circumstances (that's just ASKING for it!)
69: I will not plant whoopee cushions in the Admiral's chair
70: I will not use my superior officer as a shield during the civilian uprising.

[Alpha 11]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
41: I will not use a cloning chamber to try to create my very own sex-kitten/stud
42: Especially not using the DNA of my commanding officer
43: Particularly not when said commanding officer's spouse/parent/significant other is inspecting the premises
44: I will not use the Protoculture Chamber to give the Zentraedi warlord a sex change
45: I will not load the Captain's pipe tobacco with gunpowder
46: I will not spike Marcus Rush's zarayba with LSD
47: I will not disconnect my wingman's ejection seat controls 'just to see the look on his face'
48: I am not permitted to order the Marsh Division Special Forces to turn out and find my golf balls
49: I will not use my FRB-7 Cyclops to spy on my girlfriend
50: I am not allowed to take my CDRC-1 Unicorn home to use on my neighbor's stupid little dog....unless I can produce conclusive proof the little monster is a threat to planetary security.

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
51: I will not play bumper cars with the aircraft taxis
52: I will not order an orbital strike on my ex's new boy-toy/flozzy
53: If Zentraedi I will not forcibly micronize my superior officer as a prank
54: Nor will I leave said micronized superior officer butt-naked on a beach in micronian territory
55: I will not drop ice cubes down the flightsuit collars of my fellow pilots
56: I will not paint giant bullseyes on the hull of the A.R.M.D.(it's kinda redundant)
57: I will not rent/sell/loan Cyclones to known members of the Hell's Angel's
58: I will not abuse my position in the CDC to speak in an atrocious French accent and launch giant wooden rabbits at enemy forces outside city limits
59: I will not sell GMP Lieutenant Satori's home address to the criminal element
60: I will not tell Captain Komodo that Nova Satori is a lesbian
61: I will not put the newly captured alien prisoner in a small cell with a unparolable man named 'Bubba' or 'Hannibal'
62: I will not shoot down any more small brightly colored civilian planes straying into controlled airspace...the pilot might wind up being my next superior officer
63: I will not refer to pineapple salad as 'the Dish of Death' or the 'Death Plate Special'.
64: I am not allowed to sell alien defectors maps of the ' Homes of the Powerful and Influential in Micronian Society'.
65: I will not offer to strip-search the suspected Invid Simulagent
65a: Nor will I bribe a commanding officer to ORDER me to do so...
66: I will not paint a smiley face and 'HAVE A NICE DAY' on the prow of the Superdimensional Fortress
67: I will not play around with the Nuetron-S detonator controls
67a: I will especially not do so while saying "What could possibly go wrong?"
68: I will not say "What can possibly go wrong?" under ANY circumstances (that's just ASKING for it!)
69: I will not plant whoopee cushions in the Admiral's chair
70: I will not use my superior officer as a shield during the civilian uprising.

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
71: I will not assign 'Mistress Monica' to run the cultural orientation course for Zentraedi defectors
72: I will not convert the cockpit of my VF into a hot tub
73: I will not run a sideline business from my cockpit in marital aides for full-sized Zentredi
74: I will not attempt to perform any more airborne landings on the radome of the Catseye Recon jets(either type)
75: The Crips and the Bloods are NOT legitimate militia or Freedom Fighter groups; I am not permitted to loan, sell, or rent energy weaponry to either group.
76: I will not refer to T.R. Edwards as 'the Dread Pirate Edwards'
77: I will not run out to the end of the SDF-1's prow and declare myself 'king of the world'
78: I will not taunt Invid with 'yo mama' jokes
79: I will not taunt Tirolians or Zentraedi with 'yo mama' jokes
80: I will not refer to the company supply officer as a 'waiter', 'pencil pilot', or 'desk weasel'.
81: I will not ask Ariel if Scott Bernard is a 'manual' or 'automatic' guy.
82: I will not hit up on Commander Grant for a bribe NOT to tell his wife what he's been up to.
83: I will not refer to Haydonites as 'toasters'
84: I will not refer to Karbarreans as 'Teddies'
85: I will not ask the Garudan if I can get a hit of his air
86: I will not yell insults at the Tirolians in Latin----odds are, they might understand me
87: I will not replace the bridge windows with magnifying glass lenses
88: When around the Sea Squad I will not sing the song from 'Flipper'
89: It is not appropriate to refer to Field Marshal Leonard as 'Old Baldy', 'Bald Mountain', 'the Incredible Bulk', or 'Marshal Fatso'
90: I will NEVER refer to Freedom Fighters as 'you little people'
90a: ...especially if I've just been rescued by them
90b: ...even if they're all midgets or pygmies.

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
91:
97: I am no longer allowed to teach full-size zentraedi how to river dance.

97a: ...especially not on highway overpasses or bridges

98: If a full-sized Zentraedi asks me to light his cig for him, I will NOT use precious GU-11 ammo to do it; I will use my VF's more convenient head laser(besides, this cuts down on powder burns on my big buddy's face)
99: I will not pick a fight with the martial arts expert in front of witnesses...instead, I will wait until he is a drunken stupor in a hole-in-the-wall bar, with a convenient dark alley, where I can use a crowbar to break all his limbs and his jaw.
100: I will not program my VF's comm system to announce incoming communications with a silly little cellphone jingle
101: I will not toilet-paper the SDF-1's radar antennae
102: I will not make crude jokes about the guys manning the SDF-1's 'A' turret (forward hull in Cruise mode, lower front torso in Stormer mode)
103: Squirrel-hunting with bazookas or RL-6s is no longer permitted
104: I will not spit up tomato juice while reporting a pressure suit malfunction to the control tower
105: I will not affix a fake Mode Transformation lever inside Condor Battloids
105a: If one is already present, I will not remove it.
106: I will not refer to the M-29 Arbalest as a 'bowcaster', nor will I refer to their users as 'Wookies'
107: I will not doublepark the GMU in front of Starbuck's while I go inside for a latte.
108: I will not replace the hood ornament on the General's hoverlimo with a pink bunny, yellow chicken, or stuffed rat
109: It's 'AJACS', not 'AJERKS'
110: I will not put superglue inside my squadron commander's helmet.

[Alpha 11]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
71: I will not assign 'Mistress Monica' to run the cultural orientation course for Zentraedi defectors
72: I will not convert the cockpit of my VF into a hot tub
73: I will not run a sideline business from my cockpit in marital aides for full-sized Zentredi
74: I will not attempt to perform any more airborne landings on the radome of the Catseye Recon jets(either type)
75: The Crips and the Bloods are NOT legitimate militia or Freedom Fighter groups; I am not permitted to loan, sell, or rent energy weaponry to either group.
76: I will not refer to T.R. Edwards as 'the Dread Pirate Edwards'
77: I will not run out to the end of the SDF-1's prow and declare myself 'king of the world'
78: I will not taunt Invid with 'yo mama' jokes
79: I will not taunt Tirolians or Zentraedi with 'yo mama' jokes
80: I will not refer to the company supply officer as a 'waiter', 'pencil pilot', or 'desk weasel'.
81: I will not ask Ariel if Scott Bernard is a 'manual' or 'automatic' guy.
82: I will not hit up on Commander Grant for a bribe NOT to tell his wife what he's been up to.
83: I will not refer to Haydonites as 'toasters'
84: I will not refer to Karbarreans as 'Teddies'
85: I will not ask the Garudan if I can get a hit of his air
86: I will not yell insults at the Tirolians in Latin----odds are, they might understand me
87: I will not replace the bridge windows with magnifying glass lenses
88: When around the Sea Squad I will not sing the song from 'Flipper'
89: It is not appropriate to refer to Field Marshal Leonard as 'Old Baldy', 'Bald Mountain', 'the Incredible Bulk', or 'Marshal Fatso'
90: I will NEVER refer to Freedom Fighters as 'you little people'
90a: ...especially if I've just been rescued by them
90b: ...even if they're all midgets or pygmies.

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
91: I am no longer allowed to teach four full size zentraedi to sing Rod Stewart's "If You Think I'm Sexy" as a barbershop quartet.
91a: I am no longer allowed to teach tirolians (regardless of number) the above song.
91b: I am no longer allowed to encourage any sort of "Barbershop Quartet-ing" among zentraedi.
92: I will not compare Dana Sterling's hairdo to a basketball, soccer ball, football helmet or any other piece of sports paraphernalia.
93: I will not turn on every microwave oven in the vicinity just to see if Edwards "pisses his pants and forgets who is he for a half-hour".
94: I am not allowed tie bows to the garudans' tails, especially pink ones.
94a I will not tie bows to the perytonians' horns (they like it a little -too- much).
95: I will not repaint the airbase tarmac to stage a giant game of strip-Twister with full-size female zentraedi.
96: MAC II cannons are not to be used for circus stunts.
97: I am no longer allowed to teach full-size zentraedi how to river dance.

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):
91:
97: I am no longer allowed to teach full-size zentraedi how to river dance.

97a: ...especially not on highway overpasses or bridges

98: If a full-sized Zentraedi asks me to light his cig for him, I will NOT use precious GU-11 ammo to do it; I will use my VF's more convenient head laser(besides, this cuts down on powder burns on my big buddy's face)
99: I will not pick a fight with the martial arts expert in front of witnesses...instead, I will wait until he is a drunken stupor in a hole-in-the-wall bar, with a convenient dark alley, where I can use a crowbar to break all his limbs and his jaw.
100: I will not program my VF's comm system to announce incoming communications with a silly little cellphone jingle
101: I will not toilet-paper the SDF-1's radar antennae
102: I will not make crude jokes about the guys manning the SDF-1's 'A' turret (forward hull in Cruise mode, lower front torso in Stormer mode)
103: Squirrel-hunting with bazookas or RL-6s is no longer permitted
104: I will not spit up tomato juice while reporting a pressure suit malfunction to the control tower
105: I will not affix a fake Mode Transformation lever inside Condor Battloids
105a: If one is already present, I will not remove it.
106: I will not refer to the M-29 Arbalest as a 'bowcaster', nor will I refer to their users as 'Wookies'
107: I will not doublepark the GMU in front of Starbuck's while I go inside for a latte.
108: I will not replace the hood ornament on the General's hoverlimo with a pink bunny, yellow chicken, or stuffed rat
109: It's 'AJACS', not 'AJERKS'
110: I will not put superglue inside my squadron commander's helmet.

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):

111: I will not 'sext' my girlfriend on the SDF bridge.
112: I will not pimp out Johnathon Wolff
113: I will not teach female Zentraedi about 'black widows' with regards to Human intergender relations
114: I will not turn my Silverback into a 'lowrider'
115: I will not take my Silverback drift-racing
116: There is no 'Armored Bikini Army' in the ASC. I will quit spreading this rumor.
117: I will quit asking the GMP if they 'found Hoffa'
118: I will not use the equipment on my VE-1 to jam police radar traps for my friends
119: I will not do the 'Cabbage Patch' with my destroid
120: I will quit talking to full-sized Zentraedi about the benefits of an all-bean diet

[Alpha 11]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):

111: I will not 'sext' my girlfriend on the SDF bridge.
112: I will not pimp out Johnathon Wolff
113: I will not teach female Zentraedi about 'black widows' with regards to Human intergender relations
114: I will not turn my Silverback into a 'lowrider'
115: I will not take my Silverback drift-racing
116: There is no 'Armored Bikini Army' in the ASC. I will quit spreading this rumor.
117: I will quit asking the GMP if they 'found Hoffa'
118: I will not use the equipment on my VE-1 to jam police radar traps for my friends
119: I will not do the 'Cabbage Patch' with my destroid
120: I will quit talking to full-sized Zentraedi about the benefits of an all-bean diet

[taalismn]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):

121: In retrospect, telling Khyron about that ticklish spot behind Azonia’s ear, the one that makes her go crazy, was a mistake.
122: I understand perfectly, sir; no more barbequing cattle with the lasers and trying to pass them off as ‘little green men did it.’
123: I will no longer hunt cockroaches in the barracks with my laser pistol.
124: I will quit having strippers sent to the Zentraedi flagship. Breetai was amused ONCE. Eight times is enough already.
125: I will not deploy Homing Anti-Radiation Missiles to deal with telemarketers
126: I will not buzz the control tower at Mach One.
127: When transforming from Cycle into Cyclone mode, I will quit yelling “To Infinity and Beyond!”
128: I will quit prankcalling Khyron.
129: I will NOT invite Minister Exedore to any more karaoke nights.
130: I will no longer use Rabid Southern Cross Fan’s milk mustache as a pretense to run around yelling “HE’S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH!” and sic the CDU-CDC on him

[Alpha 11]

Things that Robotechers are no longer allowed to do (Skippy Style):

121: In retrospect, telling Khyron about that ticklish spot behind Azonia’s ear, the one that makes her go crazy, was a mistake.
122: I understand perfectly, sir; no more barbequing cattle with the lasers and trying to pass them off as ‘little green men did it.’
123: I will no longer hunt cockroaches in the barracks with my laser pistol.
124: I will quit having strippers sent to the Zentraedi flagship. Breetai was amused ONCE. Eight times is enough already.
125: I will not deploy Homing Anti-Radiation Missiles to deal with telemarketers
126: I will not buzz the control tower at Mach One.
127: When transforming from Cycle into Cyclone mode, I will quit yelling “To Infinity and Beyond!”
128: I will quit prankcalling Khyron.
129: I will NOT invite Minister Exedore to any more karaoke nights.
130: I will no longer use Rabid Southern Cross Fan’s milk mustache as a pretense to run around yelling “HE’S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH!” and sic the CDU-CDC on him

[glitterboy2098]

131: i will not reprogram the units Veritechs to play the Transformers special effect when our mecha change mode.
132: Our unit is the UEDF 34th Squadron, not "the Autobots"
133: My VF-1 is not Jetfire.
134: And i cannot paint my VF-1 to look like jetfire.
135: ..and my callsign is not "Jetfire"
136: "transform and roll out" is not an appropriate battlecry.

[taalismn]

137: I will no longer sell out my fellow soldiers and freedom fighters to the Invid in exchange for six-packs of brewski
138: I will no longer write in my personal record of my family affiliation with any of the following: House Davion, House Steiner, House Marik, House Laio, House Kurita, Canopus, The Periphery, or 'The Clans'
139: I will not play Russian Roulette with my Synchro Cannon
140: I will not fly my Veritech through the drive-in lane at the Burger Czar.
141: If I fill up an M777 Tanker Car with beer, I will remember which one it is, and not park it on the airfield apron(by the way, are Captain Gloval, Commander Hayes, and the crew of that VC-33 out of the ICU yet?)
142: I will no longer pass out copies of the Victoria's Secret catalogue to newly micronized female Zentraedi as a guide to 'how micronian women dress'.
143: I will not refer to tank and APC crew as 'spam'
144: I will never again greet my flight crew after returning from a long deep space patrol with a rubber Facehugger wrapped around my face
145: I will remove the video surveillance gear from Commander Hayes' bathroom.
145a: I will destroy all tapes made
145b: I will not sell any of them, not even to you and not even for that...
145c: She's behind me, isn't she..?

[Alpha 11]

131: i will not reprogram the units Veritechs to play the Transformers special effect when our mecha change mode.
132: Our unit is the UEDF 34th Squadron, not "the Autobots"
133: My VF-1 is not Jetfire.
134: And i cannot paint my VF-1 to look like jetfire.
135: ..and my callsign is not "Jetfire"
136: "transform and roll out" is not an appropriate battlecry.

137: I will no longer sell out my fellow soldiers and freedom fighters to the Invid in exchange for six-packs of brewski
138: I will no longer write in my personal record of my family affiliation with any of the following: House Davion, House Steiner, House Marik, House Laio, House Kurita, Canopus, The Periphery, or 'The Clans'
139: I will not play Russian Roulette with my Synchro Cannon
140: I will not fly my Veritech through the drive-in lane at the Burger Czar.
141: If I fill up an M777 Tanker Car with beer, I will remember which one it is, and not park it on the airfield apron(by the way, are Captain Gloval, Commander Hayes, and the crew of that VC-33 out of the ICU yet?)
142: I will no longer pass out copies of the Victoria's Secret catalogue to newly micronized female Zentraedi as a guide to 'how micronian women dress'.
143: I will not refer to tank and APC crew as 'spam'
144: I will never again greet my flight crew after returning from a long deep space patrol with a rubber Fachugger wrapped around my face
145: I will remove the video surveillance gear from Commander Hayes' bathroom.
145a: I will destroy all tapes made
145b: I will not sell any of them, not even to you and not even for that...
145c: She's behind me, isn't she..?

[taalismn]

146: I will not use my Destroid to stack tanks(or APCs)
147: I will quit pointing out Comrade Corsarius to the GMP as an EBSIS spy("Well, dah! Is not ovious?!")
148: I will not have Lieutenant Sterling's pet neutered
148a: That goes for that Pollinator that follows her around as well
149: I will not sell ASC secrets to the EBSIS for vodka
150: Plastering Invid mecha in melted butter doesn't work, and it's a waste of good food. I will stop doing it.

[Alpha 11]

146: I will not use my Destroid to stack tanks(or APCs)
147: I will quit pointing out Comrade Corsarius to the GMP as an EBSIS spy("Well, dah! Is not ovious?!")
148: I will not have Lieutenant Sterling's pet neutered
148a: That goes for that Pollinator that follows her around as well
149: I will not sell ASC secrets to the EBSIS for vodka
150: Plastering Invid mecha in melted butter doesn't work, and it's a waste of good food. I will stop doing it.

[taalismn]

151: I will not use nuclear anti-ship missiles as fireworks to celebrate the Fourth of July
152: The cigarette-lighter-disguised-as-a-laser-pistol is real cute, but substituting the LT's real sidearm with it before a mission is no longer permitted
153: I may not count my own people downed by friendly fire towards my making 'ace'
154: Just because mecha are technically capable of operating underwater doesn't mean I can take my Veritech swimming
155: I will cease my efforts to form a Destroid dance troupe; besides, the name 'Stomp' has already been taken.
155a: I will take the tutu off my Spartan soonest
156: I will cease putting black paint on the inside surfaces of Doctor Nichols' goggles
156a: The same goes for superglue
157: If stranded on the enemy flagship, surrounded by hostiles, I will NOT attempt to hit up on the local women and hope the alien security doesn't notice me
158: The emo-looking alien is most likely going to wind up my commanding officer's(or my own) love interest...tempting as it is, and as legitimate a target as he/she represents, I will not blow them away in the first five minutes of combat
158a: Besides, he/she likely already has script immunity or enjoys the GM's protection
159: Using my VF's utility arms to give the Zentraedi a 'purple nurple' before smacking him with a roundhouse may be funny, but it lacks class.
159a: Besides, if it fails as a distraction, he will kick my arse in the next minute
159b: And if female, every female in range is going to rally to kick my arse, even those on my own side.
160: I will not ask the Protoculture Chamber operator if it can selectively alter certain parts of the body with respect to size...

[Alpha 11]

151: I will not use nuclear anti-ship missiles as fireworks to celebrate the Fourth of July
152: The cigarette-lighter-disguised-as-a-laser-pistol is real cute, but substituting the LT's real sidearm with it before a mission is no longer permitted
153: I may not count my own people downed by friendly fire towards my making 'ace'
154: Just because mecha are technically capable of operating underwater doesn't mean I can take my Veritech swimming
155: I will cease my efforts to form a Destroid dance troupe; besides, the name 'Stomp' has already been taken.
155a: I will take the tutu off my Spartan soonest
156: I will cease putting black paint on the inside surfaces of Doctor Nichols' goggles
156a: The same goes for superglue
157: If stranded on the enemy flagship, surrounded by hostiles, I will NOT attempt to hit up on the local women and hope the alien security doesn't notice me
158: The emo-looking alien is most likely going to wind up my commanding officer's(or my own) love interest...tempting as it is, and as legitimate a target as he/she represents, I will not blow them away in the first five minutes of combat
158a: Besides, he/she likely already has script immunity or enjoys the GM's protection
159: Using my VF's utility arms to give the Zentraedi a 'purple nurple' before smacking him with a roundhouse may be funny, but it lacks class.
159a: Besides, if it fails as a distraction, he will kick my arse in the next minute
159b: And if female, every female in range is going to rally to kick my arse, even those on my own side.
160: I will not ask the Protoculture Chamber operator if it can selectively alter certain parts of the body with respect to size...

[taalismn]

161: My battlecry or callsign will not be "SPOON!"
162: I will check any piece of gift clothing given to me by a female friend for her personal monogram
162a: I will also be certain I can identify her personal perfume
163: When Mister Safety Catch is Not Engaged, MIster GU-11 is Not My Friend
164: If I find an active Genesis Pit, I will not turn around and charge admission to 'Jurassic Park'
165: I will not heckle the freedome fighter as a hayseed for his unfamiliarity with a Cyclone.
165a: I will however voice skepticism when he serves dinner and informs me that the unidentifiable portion on my fork is 'the best part'.
166: The liederhosen come off the Bioroid, yessir.
167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea
168: When flying my AJACS nape-of-the-earth, I WILL look out for telephone and power lines.
169: If I use a car as a projectile weapon, I will first check to make sure nobody is already IN it, before picking it up and throwing it.
170: I will not dress my battloid up in a giant ape suit and climb up the Monument City transmission towers.
170a: I will especially not stop outside Field Marshal Leonard's office and smear the windows with bananna pulp.

[drewkitty ~..~]

167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea

God, that reminds me of that idiot auto mechanic in Brazil who thought it would be a good idea to begin dismantling a rocket propelled grenade with a 5 pound sledge.

reminds me of an old Bugs bunny cartoon involving a gremlin.

[Alpha 11]

161: My battlecry or callsign will not be "SPOON!"
162: I will check any piece of gift clothing given to me by a female friend for her personal monogram
162a: I will also be certain I can identify her personal perfume
163: When Mister Safety Catch is Not Engaged, MIster GU-11 is Not My Friend
164: If I find an active Genesis Pit, I will not turn around and charge admission to 'Jurassic Park'
165: I will not heckle the freedome fighter as a hayseed for his unfamiliarity with a Cyclone.
165a: I will however voice skepticism when he serves dinner and informs me that the unidentifiable portion on my fork is 'the best part'.
166: The liederhosen come off the Bioroid, yessir.
167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea
168: When flying my AJACS nape-of-the-earth, I WILL look out for telephone and power lines.
169: If I use a car as a projectile weapon, I will first check to make sure nobody is already IN it, before picking it up and throwing it.
170: I will not dress my battloid up in a giant ape suit and climb up the Monument City transmission towers.
170a: I will especially not stop outside Field Marshal Leonard's office and smear the windows with bananna pulp.

167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea

God, that reminds me of that idiot auto mechanic in Brazil who thought it would be a good idea to begin dismantling a rocket propelled grenade with a 5 pound sledge.

167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea

God, that reminds me of that idiot auto mechanic in Brazil who thought it would be a good idea to begin dismantling a rocket propelled grenade with a 5 pound sledge.

reminds me of an old Bugs bunny cartoon involving a gremlin.

Classic.

[taalismn]

167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea

God, that reminds me of that idiot auto mechanic in Brazil who thought it would be a good idea to begin dismantling a rocket propelled grenade with a 5 pound sledge.

Or people trying to make jewelry from grenades by drilling into the casings(Poland), or cutting into munitions with blowtorches, or the dumb squeek who, despite the many signs saying "DO NOT TOUCH UNEXPLODED ORDNANCE" all around him, plus the fact that he was SUPPOSED to be the RANGE SAFETY INSTRUCTOR, -PICKS UP- an unexploded round...

Darwin at work.

I can't imagine it would be any different in Robotech....

Zentraedi Grunt: "Yeah, these anti-ship missiles are built tough, but they can go off if you don't treat them right, like give them a sudden shock like, say, THI-"

Clone Master: "NO! DON'T TOUCH THA-oh hell, call Central Cloning and send up another Vado Cyren Triumvirate, and double check the brain fluids to make sure nothing's wrong BEFORE you decant them, okay?"

Regis: #"Remember, my children, the Humans deploy many tricks, including exploding devices! Do not handle them! Like Drone 00023321 is doing! WHAT!!! I SAID, -DON'T HAN-*Ouch* I FELT that....."#

[Alpha 11]

167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea

God, that reminds me of that idiot auto mechanic in Brazil who thought it would be a good idea to begin dismantling a rocket propelled grenade with a 5 pound sledge.

Or people trying to make jewelry from grenades by drilling into the casings(Poland), or cutting into munitions with blowtorches, or the dumb squeek who, despite the many signs saying "DO NOT TOUCH UNEXPLODED ORDNANCE" all around him, plus the fact that he was SUPPOSED to be the RANGE SAFETY INSTRUCTOR, -PICKS UP- an unexploded round...

Darwin at work.

I can't imagine it would be any different in Robotech....

Zentraedi Grunt: "Yeah, these anti-ship missiles are built tough, but they can go off if you don't treat them right, like give them a sudden shock like, say, THI-"

Clone Master: "NO! DON'T TOUCH THA-oh hell, call Central Cloning and send up another Vado Cyren Triumvirate, and double check the brain fluids to make sure nothing's wrong BEFORE you decant them, okay?"

Regis: #"Remember, my children, the Humans deploy many tricks, including exploding devices! Do not handle them! Like Drone 00023321 is doing! WHAT!!! I SAID, -DON'T HAN-*Ouch* I FELT that....."#

[taalismn]

171: “Snakes in Veritechs” sounded a lot better when we were all drunk
172: I will no longer tell the residents of Macross City that shipboard rations are ‘Soylent Green’
173: I will quit refering to the Tirolians as ‘metrosexuals’
174: If a Zentraedi (or ANY) woman tries to kill me, I will not automatically assume that she has the hots for me
175: I will not challenge the incredible-looking woman who’s wiping out the arcade games to a duel on a hentai video game back at my place.
176: I will not offer the alien emissary a vodka screwdriver to wash down his orange juice.
177: I will not save my parking space with an anti-mecha land mine
178: I will not essentially GIVE the demented alien warlord a Protoculture Generator in hopes he’ll just go away.
179: I will not peep on my well-armed and marksman-qualified female friends in the bathroom
180: I will not remove the extra lifepods from my ship’s bridge because ‘they take up too much space’.
181: If my pilot boyfriend calls in late to our date, I am not permitted to call an SAR team out to find and verify his whereabouts.
181a: This also applies to Ranger and Special Air Service teams
181b: Lo-Jacking him is also out.
182: Before I fire off a massive missile barrage, I will make certain which of those little symbols on the screen mean ‘our guys’ and ‘the enemy’.
183: Using the Daedalus Maneuver once is total surprise, second is sound application of a proven tactic, third time is asking to get hosed.
183a: I will use the SDF Kick instead
184: I will not push the bad guy into a bubbling pool of mutagenic alien goo
185: If I receive any alien technology from a mysterious ally, I will ask for full documentation, blueprints, a guided tour, and a field test with the presenters present.
186: I will not sell Miriya Pirano’s Zentraedi bra on eBay as a hammock for two
187: I will quit using my micronian hostages as chess pieces
187a: ...or as stress-relief balls
188: I will quit using my hovercycle as a leaf-blower
189: Campfire cookouts with laser weaponry are a waste of good food
190: If ambushed by Battlepods in Macross City, I will not run for the shelters; I will hide behind the tuna truck; the RPG book illustration tells me the sushi companies have invested in MDC armor

[Alpha 11]

171: “Snakes in Veritechs” sounded a lot better when we were all drunk
172: I will no longer tell the residents of Macross City that shipboard rations are ‘Soylent Green’
173: I will quit refering to the Tirolians as ‘metrosexuals’
174: If a Zentraedi (or ANY) woman tries to kill me, I will not automatically assume that she has the hots for me
175: I will not challenge the incredible-looking woman who’s wiping out the arcade games to a duel on a hentai video game back at my place.
176: I will not offer the alien emissary a vodka screwdriver to wash down his orange juice.
177: I will not save my parking space with an anti-mecha land mine
178: I will not essentially GIVE the demented alien warlord a Protoculture Generator in hopes he’ll just go away.
179: I will not peep on my well-armed and marksman-qualified female friends in the bathroom
180: I will not remove the extra lifepods from my ship’s bridge because ‘they take up too much space’.
181: If my pilot boyfriend calls in late to our date, I am not permitted to call an SAR team out to find and verify his whereabouts.
181a: This also applies to Ranger and Special Air Service teams
181b: Lo-Jacking him is also out.
182: Before I fire off a massive missile barrage, I will make certain which of those little symbols on the screen mean ‘our guys’ and ‘the enemy’.
183: Using the Daedalus Maneuver once is total surprise, second is sound application of a proven tactic, third time is asking to get hosed.
183a: I will use the SDF Kick instead
184: I will not push the bad guy into a bubbling pool of mutagenic alien goo
185: If I receive any alien technology from a mysterious ally, I will ask for full documentation, blueprints, a guided tour, and a field test with the presenters present.
186: I will not sell Miriya Pirano’s Zentraedi bra on eBay as a hammock for two
187: I will quit using my micronian hostages as chess pieces
187a: ...or as stress-relief balls
188: I will quit using my hovercycle as a leaf-blower
189: Campfire cookouts with laser weaponry are a waste of good food
190: If ambushed by Battlepods in Macross City, I will not run for the shelters; I will hide behind the tuna truck; the RPG book illustration tells me the sushi companies have invested in MDC armor

[taalismn]

191: I will quit will quit calling the Lancer IIs 'flying tuning forks'
192: I will quit elevating my VF-1's head laser(s) and declaring "I'm horny!"
193: Yes, outfitting an Armored Veritech as a beer vendor for the Zentraedi Martial Olympics COULD possibly be construed as a misuse of government property...
194: I will quit telling the Zentraedi that sex is a spectator sport
195: I am no longer allowed to snort the helium from the Kraken power armor's deep depth air mix tanks
196: Replacing the lift hydraulics on the command observation deck of the Janissary Command Vehicle with an enormous quick-release spring SEEMED like a good idea at the time.
197: Megadamage energy weapons do not have a 'STUN' setting. I will not make this mistake again.
198: A Flower of Life Julip is NOT to be made available in the Officers' Club
199: I will not pick a fight with the big blue guy
200: If my assigned Triumvirate mate will not mate with me, I will NOT ask if any of her sisters are available instead.

[DhAkael]

201: When given Reaction Warhead realease, I will not hit, press or otherwise touch the big red button. Itano Circuses are for conventional muntions ONLY!
202: Protoculture is NOT for eating, nor does it make for a refreshing cocktail (unless you are a human-form Invid).
203: To make sure ADMIRAL Gloval sticks to the no-smoking regulations, I will not resort to replacing his tobacco with cordite.
204: Reapeat after me; "Freshly integrated Maltreadi microns still have above average strength and will react to butt-grabbing as if it was the prelude to combat training."

[taalismn]

204: Reapeat after me; "Freshly integrated Maltreadi microns still have above average strength and will react to butt-grabbing as if it was the prelude to combat training."

(tries to reach for his notebook and pencil, but has extreme difficulty due to both arms being in casts)"NOW he tells me..."

205: I am now longer to make photo-recon flights over nude beaches
206: I will no longer suggest to my female superior officer(and fellow prisoner) that if the Zentraedi reacted THAT way to simple kissing, we should consider the effects of a full nudity floor show.
207: I will no longer play 'Space Invaders' on the bridge consoles
208: I will not panic if the Pilots' Mess serves pineapple salad
209: I am no longer to refer to the MiM-31 Karyovin's 30mm cannon as 'My Little Comrade', 'Armor-Piercing Impregnator', or 'My Big Demitri'
210: I will not spike the meal provided to the alien emissary's fifty-foot-tall pilot with diuretics.

[DhAkael]

210: I will not spike the meal provided to the alien emissary's fifty-foot-tall pilot with diuretics.

That is just WRONG
Private Skippy is crusing for a keel-hauling. And on Megaroad class space craft that is some serious buisness!

[taalismn]

210: I will not spike the meal provided to the alien emissary's fifty-foot-tall pilot with diuretics.

That is just WRONG
Private Skippy is crusing for a keel-hauling. And on Megaroad class space craft that is some serious buisness!

"Where does a fifty-foot tall alien soldier go when he really has to...?"

211: I will not sell my unit's Protoculture on the black market, with the excuse; "We'll grow more of it!"
212: I will not fill my CO's oxygen system with nitrous oxide
213: I will not sew a wedgie into my CO's flight suit
214: Wait for the official 'MIA' or 'KIA' announcement before looting my wingmates' stuff
215: I will not take the alien emissary out to celebrate the new ceasefire at a strip club
215a: Likewise the '***** Cat Club' is out
216: Proper reaction to my commanding officer's announcement that she's leading an unauthorized attack to rescue a fellow squad mate is NOT "we'll miss you and your crazy ideas."
217: Playing air hockey with hovertrucks is no longer permitted
217a: Especially not when the other drivers are unaware of the game being played
218: Okay, I thought painting my CO's Neue Gister'dohl Command Bioroid bright yellow would make it look more distinguished
219: The RL-1 is not meant for holster quick-draws
219a: Especially not during barracks card games
219b: Especially not loaded with live ammunition
219c: Have the barracks stopped smoldering?
220: I will not teach Tirolian civilians the 'Yellow Brick Road' song.

[keir451]

167: Trying to remove a hangfire missile from the underwing hardpoint by beating it with a blunt instrument back at base is NOT a good idea

God, that reminds me of that idiot auto mechanic in Brazil who thought it would be a good idea to begin dismantling a rocket propelled grenade with a 5 pound sledge.

???huh???!!!!!

[keir451]

210: I will not spike the meal provided to the alien emissary's fifty-foot-tall pilot with diuretics.

That is just WRONG
Private Skippy is crusing for a keel-hauling. And on Megaroad class space craft that is some serious buisness!

"Where does a fifty-foot tall alien soldier go when he really has to...?"

211: I will not sell my unit's Protoculture on the black market, with the excuse; "We'll grow more of it!"
212: I will not fill my CO's oxygen system with nitrous oxide
213: I will not sew a wedgie into my CO's flight suit
214: Wait for the official 'MIA' or 'KIA' announcement before looting my wingmates' stuff
215: I will not take the alien emissary out to celebrate the new ceasefire at a strip club
215a: Likewise the '***** Cat Club' is out
216: Proper reaction to my commanding officer's announcement that she's leading an unauthorized attack to rescue a fellow squad mate is NOT "we'll miss you and your crazy ideas."
217: Playing air hockey with hovertrucks is no longer permitted
217a: Especially not when the other drivers are unaware of the game being played
218: Okay, I thought painting my CO's Neue Gister'dohl Command Bioroid bright yellow would make it look more distinguished
219: The RL-1 is not meant for holster quick-draws
219a: Especially not during barracks card games
219b: Especially not loaded with live ammunition
219c: Have the barracks stopped smoldering?
220: I will not teach Tirolian civilians the 'Yellow Brick Road' song.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! Too classic, just too classic guys!

[taalismn]

221: I will not talk Commander Breetai into wearing a sling swimsuit
221a: I will not talk Minister Exedore into wearing a sling swimsuit
221b: I'm pretty sure, Commander, that plunging your face into a bucket of bleach like that isn't good for your eyes, sir.
222: I will not order a modular transformation just to inconvenience my ex
223: I will remember to close the forward airlock doors on the Ikazuchi before we undock
224: I will make sure my Veritech's wings are properly retracted before docking in the Garfish
225: I will not borrow the regiment's Synchro-Cannon for gopher removal
226: I will not Itano Circus indoors if there is any chance of getting out of the situation alive
227: I will not use mecha paintballs on unarmored personnel
227a: I will also check to make sure that no unarmored personnel who are NOT part of the scheduled exercise are in the training area before opening fire on them.
227b:Yes, I was just as surprised as Commander Hayes. If I may inquire, has the use of the burn treatment tank gotten all the dye out of her skin?
228: I will not see how fast I can 'carousel' the 360-degree waist rotation on my battloid
228a: Especially not while eating cotton candy
229: I will not use the recon sensors on my Alpha to determine the measurements of my female colleagues
230: I will make sure the Transports' hatches are fully open before ordering my Invid legions to launch in attack.

[ZINO]

131: i will not reprogram the units Veritechs to play the Transformers special effect when our mecha change mode.
132: Our unit is the UEDF 34th Squadron, not "the Autobots"
133: My VF-1 is not Jetfire.
134: And i cannot paint my VF-1 to look like jetfire.
135: ..and my callsign is not "Jetfire"
136: "transform and roll out" is not an appropriate battlecry.

OMG!!!!!

[taalismn]

231: When initiating a shipwide Modular Transformation, I will not shout "FORM MEGAZORD!"
231aL ...nor will I yell "And We'll Form the HEAD!"
232: I will not plant poison ivy in Macross City park
232a: Nor will I plant dope.
232b: Okay...only for medicinal purposes
233: Different color flightsuits does NOT make us a sentai group; I will quit doing the silly poses every time we go into combat
234: The pink veritech pilot can kick my ass; I will not give them reason to
235: I will not start a betting pool on which of my fellow pilots is going to buy it next
235a: ...not even if I am part of a 'cannonfodder' Zentraedi squadron
236: If part of a Zentraedi crew, I will not lock all the airlocks from the inside and change the access codes
237: I will remember next time to put air holes in the jar we keep the micronian prisoners in...
238: I will not store my supply of pepper spray (or capacasin) in the SDF's main ventilation trunk
239: I will not assume a Scottish accent when informing the bridge of trouble with the engines
240: Flushing live explosives down the toilets aboard starships is not the proper way of disposing of said explosives

[drewkitty ~..~]

234: The pink veritech pilot can kick my ass; I will not give them reason to

234a: The pink veritech pilot can slap my ass, and I will like it when she does.

[taalismn]

234: The pink veritech pilot can kick my ass; I will not give them reason to

234a: The pink veritech pilot can slap my ass, and I will like it when she does.

234b: She's standing behind me, isn't she?
234c: Damn. That' s definitely a gun safety going off.

241:It doesn’t matter if I’m assigned to ALUCE Base; I am not allowed to declare “IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I SHALL PUNISH YOU!” Ever.
241a:Same goes even if I am a member of Skull Squadron; “By the Power of Grey Skull!” is banned.
242: I am not to go recruiting in ‘Hooters’ for a new ‘Anti-Zentraedi Psych Warfare Brigade’.
242a: If I do I will check first to make sure that the place isn’t owned and operated by a Zentraedi already
22b: I especially am not to charge my tab and tips to the military
243:When my freedom fighter party is struggling through the wilderness, I will not make ‘Donner Party’ jokes
243a: I especially will not do this while eyeing the youngest member of the party
244:I will not invite a shipload of full-sized Zentraedi out to ‘Macdonalds’ just to see the staff go berserk trying to figure out what to put on the ‘-x-served’.
244a. I especially will not remind the Zentraedi to be insistant about getting their ‘Happy Meal’
245:I will not volunteer
246: I will not loudly declare my xenophobic issues, until I am absolutely certain of the heritage of everybody in earshot
247:If I drop anything while waiting for my female companion in a lingerie store, I will NOT get on the floor to pick it up; I will stand and wait for either my companion to return to stand watch while I go down, or wait for somebody else to pick it up and offer it to me.
248:I will not take the tires off my Silverback so my squad can go innertubing.
249:I will not stand up in the open, unarmored, in front of the very micronians I am threatening with imminent death
250:There is no condiment yet discovered that goes well with grilled Pollinator
251:I will not offer the traitor I’ve chased halfway across the galaxy a last chance to surrender; given a clear shot, I will execute him on the spot
252: I will not gloat over my fallen enemies beforehand; gloating can wait for the beer bash afterwards.
253:I will not translate ‘The Evil Overlord Lists’ into Zentraedi or Tirolian
254:I will not date a tank commander and a military policewoman at the same time; one can have me run over regardless of what I hide behind, and the other can have me arrested and locked in a dark cell with a sexual deviant.
254a: Unless I am consciously or subconsciously suicidal
255:I will not give in to parental group pressure and replace the Skull Squadron insignia on my VF with ‘Mister Yuck!’ instead.

[keir451]

256: Shooting the Red Shirts is wrong, Shooting the Red Shirts is wrong, Shooting the Red Shirts is wrong, SQUIRREL!!!!!
257: I will not suggest that my new Zentraedi co-pilot date my sister.
257a: I will not attempt to beat up said co-pilot for dumping my sister.
258: I will not convince Comander Breetai to record a message saying "Good evening Gentlemen, All your base are belong to us. You are on the path to Destruction, make your time."
258a: However, I will suggest that we "set them up the bomb".
258b: When Khyron plants the gravity mines to trap the SDF-1, I will not suggest that someone "Set US up the bomb". "Main screen turn on" is right out.
259: I will not volunteer to be the Meltrandi "Sex-ED teacher", my hospital bills nearly bankrupted the entire Division.
260: I will not send a "dyed in the wool, ultra feminist" to teach the Zentrandi their place in our culture.
261: I will not re-name Khyrons squad the "Rattlers", nor will I call him Khyron Commander. I will not replace their Battlepods with giant A-10s. I will not paint large red cobas on their pods either.
262: I will STOP suggesting to Rick that he have Lisa wear tight leather and carry a bow.
263: I will not place an exact replica of Col. Dukes uniform in Ricks locker.
264: I will not give Capt. Gloval a black eyepatch and refer to him as Fury, and I will not paint S.H.I.E.L.D on the side of the SDF-1.
265: I will not suggest to Commander Khyron that he will have their "jorblocks" if someone fails him.
267: The ships name is not the Black Pearl, nor is it the Arcadia.
268: I will not convince Max to paint his entire VT blue with flaming eight balls, I will also not convince him to nake any unneccessary, clandestine, or physically impossible modifactions. And further I will not suggest that a '69 cherry red, 'cuda coupe convertable is an acceptable replacement for the sensor head.
2-69:"Chicks dig giant robots!" is NOT the motto of this Army.
270:I will not use, "This is my Rifle, this is my Gun." to educate the Zentraedi on their physiology.

[Alpha 11]

191: I will quit will quit calling the Lancer IIs 'flying tuning forks'
192: I will quit elevating my VF-1's head laser(s) and declaring "I'm horny!"
193: Yes, outfitting an Armored Veritech as a beer vendor for the Zentraedi Martial Olympics COULD possibly be construed as a misuse of government property...
194: I will quit telling the Zentraedi that sex is a spectator sport
195: I am no longer allowed to snort the helium from the Kraken power armor's deep depth air mix tanks
196: Replacing the lift hydraulics on the command observation deck of the Janissary Command Vehicle with an enormous quick-release spring SEEMED like a good idea at the time.
197: Megadamage energy weapons do not have a 'STUN' setting. I will not make this mistake again.
198: A Flower of Life Julip is NOT to be made available in the Officers' Club
199: I will not pick a fight with the big blue guy
200: If my assigned Triumvirate mate will not mate with me, I will NOT ask if any of her sisters are available instead.

201: When given Reaction Warhead realease, I will not hit, press or otherwise touch the big red button. Itano Circuses are for conventional muntions ONLY!
202: Protoculture is NOT for eating, nor does it make for a refreshing cocktail (unless you are a human-form Invid).
203: To make sure ADMIRAL Gloval sticks to the no-smoking regulations, I will not resort to replacing his tobacco with cordite.
204: Reapeat after me; "Freshly integrated Maltreadi microns still have above average strength and will react to butt-grabbing as if it was the prelude to combat training."

204: Reapeat after me; "Freshly integrated Maltreadi microns still have above average strength and will react to butt-grabbing as if it was the prelude to combat training."

(tries to reach for his notebook and pencil, but has extreme difficulty due to both arms being in casts)"NOW he tells me..."

205: I am now longer to make photo-recon flights over nude beaches
206: I will no longer suggest to my female superior officer(and fellow prisoner) that if the Zentraedi reacted THAT way to simple kissing, we should consider the effects of a full nudity floor show.
207: I will no longer play 'Space Invaders' on the bridge consoles
208: I will not panic if the Pilots' Mess serves pineapple salad
209: I am no longer to refer to the MiM-31 Karyovin's 30mm cannon as 'My Little Comrade', 'Armor-Piercing Impregnator', or 'My Big Demitri'
210: I will not spike the meal provided to the alien emissary's fifty-foot-tall pilot with diuretics.

210: I will not spike the meal provided to the alien emissary's fifty-foot-tall pilot with diuretics.

That is just WRONG
Private Skippy is crusing for a keel-hauling. And on Megaroad class space craft that is some serious buisness!

"Where does a fifty-foot tall alien soldier go when he really has to...?"

211: I will not sell my unit's Protoculture on the black market, with the excuse; "We'll grow more of it!"
212: I will not fill my CO's oxygen system with nitrous oxide
213: I will not sew a wedgie into my CO's flight suit
214: Wait for the official 'MIA' or 'KIA' announcement before looting my wingmates' stuff
215: I will not take the alien emissary out to celebrate the new ceasefire at a strip club
215a: Likewise the '***** Cat Club' is out
216: Proper reaction to my commanding officer's announcement that she's leading an unauthorized attack to rescue a fellow squad mate is NOT "we'll miss you and your crazy ideas."
217: Playing air hockey with hovertrucks is no longer permitted
217a: Especially not when the other drivers are unaware of the game being played
218: Okay, I thought painting my CO's Neue Gister'dohl Command Bioroid bright yellow would make it look more distinguished
219: The RL-1 is not meant for holster quick-draws
219a: Especially not during barracks card games
219b: Especially not loaded with live ammunition
219c: Have the barracks stopped smoldering?
220: I will not teach Tirolian civilians the 'Yellow Brick Road' song.

[Alpha 11]

221: I will not talk Commander Breetai into wearing a sling swimsuit
221a: I will not talk Minister Exedore into wearing a sling swimsuit
221b: I'm pretty sure, Commander, that plunging your face into a bucket of bleach like that isn't good for your eyes, sir.
222: I will not order a modular transformation just to inconvenience my ex
223: I will remember to close the forward airlock doors on the Ikazuchi before we undock
224: I will make sure my Veritech's wings are properly retracted before docking in the Garfish
225: I will not borrow the regiment's Synchro-Cannon for gopher removal
226: I will not Itano Circus indoors if there is any chance of getting out of the situation alive
227: I will not use mecha paintballs on unarmored personnel
227a: I will also check to make sure that no unarmored personnel who are NOT part of the scheduled exercise are in the training area before opening fire on them.
227b:Yes, I was just as surprised as Commander Hayes. If I may inquire, has the use of the burn treatment tank gotten all the dye out of her skin?
228: I will not see how fast I can 'carousel' the 360-degree waist rotation on my battloid
228a: Especially not while eating cotton candy
229: I will not use the recon sensors on my Alpha to determine the measurements of my female colleagues
230: I will make sure the Transports' hatches are fully open before ordering my Invid legions to launch in attack.

231: When initiating a shipwide Modular Transformation, I will not shout "FORM MEGAZORD!"
231aL ...nor will I yell "And We'll Form the HEAD!"
232: I will not plant poison ivy in Macross City park
232a: Nor will I plant dope.
232b: Okay...only for medicinal purposes
233: Different color flightsuits does NOT make us a sentai group; I will quit doing the silly poses every time we go into combat
234: The pink veritech pilot can kick my ass; I will not give them reason to
235: I will not start a betting pool on which of my fellow pilots is going to buy it next
235a: ...not even if I am part of a 'cannonfodder' Zentraedi squadron
236: If part of a Zentraedi crew, I will not lock all the airlocks from the inside and change the access codes
237: I will remember next time to put air holes in the jar we keep the micronian prisoners in...
238: I will not store my supply of pepper spray (or capacasin) in the SDF's main ventilation trunk
239: I will not assume a Scottish accent when informing the bridge of trouble with the engines
240: Flushing live explosives down the toilets aboard starships is not the proper way of disposing of said explosives

234: The pink veritech pilot can kick my ass; I will not give them reason to

234a: The pink veritech pilot can slap my ass, and I will like it when she does.

234: The pink veritech pilot can kick my ass; I will not give them reason to

234a: The pink veritech pilot can slap my ass, and I will like it when she does.

234b: She's standing behind me, isn't she?
234c: Damn. That' s definitely a gun safety going off.

241:It doesn’t matter if I’m assigned to ALUCE Base; I am not allowed to declare “IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I SHALL PUNISH YOU!” Ever.
241a:Same goes even if I am a member of Skull Squadron; “By the Power of Grey Skull!” is banned.
242: I am not to go recruiting in ‘Hooters’ for a new ‘Anti-Zentraedi Psych Warfare Brigade’.
242a: If I do I will check first to make sure that the place isn’t owned and operated by a Zentraedi already
22b: I especially am not to charge my tab and tips to the military
243:When my freedom fighter party is struggling through the wilderness, I will not make ‘Donner Party’ jokes
243a: I especially will not do this while eyeing the youngest member of the party
244:I will not invite a shipload of full-sized Zentraedi out to ‘Macdonalds’ just to see the staff go berserk trying to figure out what to put on the ‘-x-served’.
244a. I especially will not remind the Zentraedi to be insistant about getting their ‘Happy Meal’
245:I will not volunteer
246: I will not loudly declare my xenophobic issues, until I am absolutely certain of the heritage of everybody in earshot
247:If I drop anything while waiting for my female companion in a lingerie store, I will NOT get on the floor to pick it up; I will stand and wait for either my companion to return to stand watch while I go down, or wait for somebody else to pick it up and offer it to me.
248:I will not take the tires off my Silverback so my squad can go innertubing.
249:I will not stand up in the open, unarmored, in front of the very micronians I am threatening with imminent death
250:There is no condiment yet discovered that goes well with grilled Pollinator
251:I will not offer the traitor I’ve chased halfway across the galaxy a last chance to surrender; given a clear shot, I will execute him on the spot
252: I will not gloat over my fallen enemies beforehand; gloating can wait for the beer bash afterwards.
253:I will not translate ‘The Evil Overlord Lists’ into Zentraedi or Tirolian
254:I will not date a tank commander and a military policewoman at the same time; one can have me run over regardless of what I hide behind, and the other can have me arrested and locked in a dark cell with a sexual deviant.
254a: Unless I am consciously or subconsciously suicidal
255:I will not give in to parental group pressure and replace the Skull Squadron insignia on my VF with ‘Mister Yuck!’ instead.

266: I will not use and/or sell Protoculture as a hallucinogenic.
266a:I will not introduce Protoculture as a hallucinogenic to fellow Zentraedi.
266b:I will not trade said Protoculture to acquire the illegal substance Mako.
266c:I will not introduce Mako to fellow Zentraedi.

256: Shooting the Red Shirts is wrong, Shooting the Red Shirts is wrong, Shooting the Red Shirts is wrong, SQUIRREL!!!!!
257: I will not suggest that my new Zentraedi co-pilot date my sister.
257a: I will not attempt to beat up said co-pilot for dumping my sister.
258: I will not convince Comander Breetai to record a message saying "Good evening Gentlemen, All your base are belong to us. You are on the path to Destruction, make your time."
258a: However, I will suggest that we "set them up the bomb".
258b: When Khyron plants the gravity mines to trap the SDF-1, I will not suggest that someone "Set US up the bomb". "Main screen turn on" is right out.
259: I will not volunteer to be the Meltrandi "Sex-ED teacher", my hospital bills nearly bankrupted the entire Division.
260: I will not send a "dyed in the wool, ultra feminist" to teach the Zentrandi their place in our culture.
261: I will not re-name Khyrons squad the "Rattlers", nor will I call him Khyron Commander. I will not replace their Battlepods with giant A-10s. I will not paint large red cobas on their pods either.
262: I will STOP suggesting to Rick that he have Lisa wear tight leather and carry a bow.
263: I will not place an exact replica of Col. Dukes uniform in Ricks locker.
264: I will not give Capt. Gloval a black eyepatch and refer to him as Fury, and I will not paint S.H.I.E.L.D on the side of the SDF-1.
265: I will not suggest to Commander Khyron that he will have their "jorblocks" if someone fails him.
267: The ships name is not the Black Pearl, nor is it the Arcadia.
268: I will not convince Max to paint his entire VT blue with flaming eight balls, I will also not convince him to nake any unneccessary, clandestine, or physically impossible modifactions. And further I will not suggest that a '69 cherry red, 'cuda coupe convertable is an acceptable replacement for the sensor head.
2-69:"Chicks dig giant robots!" is NOT the motto of this Army.
270:I will not use, "This is my Rifle, this is my Gun." to educate the Zentraedi on their physiology.

[taalismn]

266: I will not use and/or sell Protoculture as a hallucinogenic.
266a:I will not introduce Protoculture as a hallucinogenic to fellow Zentraedi.
266b:I will not trade said Protoculture to acquire the illegal substance Mako.
266c:I will not introduce Mako to fellow Zentraedi.

Alright...how did you and Keir451 manage to coordinate posts?

[taalismn]

264: I will not give Capt. Gloval a black eyepatch and refer to him as Fury, and I will not paint S.H.I.E.L.D on the side of the SDF-1.
.[/quote]


256a: Unless the Redshirts are Zentraedi, in which case the officers are fair game

260a: I will not send a militant misanthropic lesbian to lecture Meltraedi on Micronian intergender relations either


271: I am no longer permitted to play "I am Ironman" over my mecha's speakers
271a: The gold and red paint job is coming off too
272: I am not to attempt to save time and energy and connect the municipal sewer lines of the SDF-1 directly to the outside vacuum vents
273: I will not say 'This Battlefortress is FULLY operational", nor will I say "We're unsinkable" as the enemy fleet approaches
273a: Especially not if I'm on Dolza's command moon
274: I will not suggest to my dripping wet female CO that maybe we should strip and cuddle to conserve body heat(she's wearing a spacesuit for crying out loud!)
275: If any guy wearing a robe, with shoulders wider than I am tall, gets off the hospital elevator on the floor I'm guarding, and demands to see his wife, I will not attempt to physically restrain him; I will throw my colleague at him and run for a tranq gun instead
276: I will not offer the Robotech Masters a free membership at 'Hair Club for Men'
277: I will not embarrass my Regis by having the New York garrison Invid challenge the local resistance to a 'dance-off'
278: I will not use the turbojets or the lift rotor of my unit's AHR-15 Phantom as a leaf-shredder or a wood chipper
279: It doesn't matter that it's called the 'Flying Cat', I will get rid of the 'Hello Kitty' paint job on the Logan VF
279a: Likewise the plastic horn and the sparkles on the CDRC-1 Unicorn are coming right off
280: I will not beat the chest of my SRB-9 Satyr after swinging down a tow/rappel line.

[Alpha 11]

264: I will not give Capt. Gloval a black eyepatch and refer to him as Fury, and I will not paint S.H.I.E.L.D on the side of the SDF-1.
.

256a: Unless the Redshirts are Zentraedi, in which case the officers are fair game

260a: I will not send a militant misanthropic lesbian to lecture Meltraedi on Micronian intergender relations either


271: I am no longer permitted to play "I am Ironman" over my mecha's speakers
271a: The gold and red paint job is coming off too
272: I am not to attempt to save time and energy and connect the municipal sewer lines of the SDF-1 directly to the outside vacuum vents
273: I will not say 'This Battlefortress is FULLY operational", nor will I say "We're unsinkable" as the enemy fleet approaches
273a: Especially not if I'm on Dolza's command moon
274: I will not suggest to my dripping wet female CO that maybe we should strip and cuddle to conserve body heat(she's wearing a spacesuit for crying out loud!)
275: If any guy wearing a robe, with shoulders wider than I am tall, gets off the hospital elevator on the floor I'm guarding, and demands to see his wife, I will not attempt to physically restrain him; I will throw my colleague at him and run for a tranq gun instead
276: I will not offer the Robotech Masters a free membership at 'Hair Club for Men'
277: I will not embarrass my Regis by having the New York garrison Invid challenge the local resistance to a 'dance-off'
278: I will not use the turbojets or the lift rotor of my unit's AHR-15 Phantom as a leaf-shredder or a wood chipper
279: It doesn't matter that it's called the 'Flying Cat', I will get rid of the 'Hello Kitty' paint job on the Logan VF
279a: Likewise the plastic horn and the sparkles on the CDRC-1 Unicorn are coming right off
280: I will not beat the chest of my SRB-9 Satyr after swinging down a tow/rappel line.[/quote]