Robotech Blooper Reels

[taalismn]

Meanwhile, aboard Khyron's flagship:(after one week on decaf)

"Incoming message from Lord Breetai!"
"I'll take it! Route it to my station!"
"At once, Commander Grel!"
#"Commander Khyro---Grel, is it?"#
"Yes, milord Breetai."
"#"Where is Commander Khyron?"#
"Currently indisposed. I am currently acting in command, Lord Breetai."
(cut to: Khyron, addressing several other subordinates)
"I just think it would be nice if we had this wall done in a few different hues, with a smooth, curving pattern...like ocean waves...and if we could put in a Zen meditation garden, with white sand and few rocks in this open area over here next to the bridge, where officers can come out and meditate after a stressful shift..."

[Alpha 11]

Meanwhile, aboard Khyron's flagship:(after one week on decaf)

"Incoming message from Lord Breetai!"
"I'll take it! Route it to my station!"
"At once, Commander Grel!"
#"Commander Khyro---Grel, is it?"#
"Yes, milord Breetai."
"#"Where is Commander Khyron?"#
"Currently indisposed. I am currently acting in command, Lord Breetai."
(cut to: Khyron, addressing several other subordinates)
"I just think it would be nice if we had this wall done in a few different hues, with a smooth, curving pattern...like ocean waves...and if we could put in a Zen meditation garden, with white sand and few rocks in this open area over here next to the bridge, where officers can come out and meditate after a stressful shift..."

[taalismn]

"okay...we've got a situation...Captain's acting odd.."
"My PREcious! Must haVE mY PRE*WHAM*(Thud)"
"Sammie? Technically cold-cocking Captain Gloval counts as assaulting a superior officer."
"How about he walked into the chair?"
"Ignoring the fact that said chair was swung overhand at him?"
"Couldn't ignore that the whole 'My preCIOUS' schtick was beginning to get a little annoying?"
"Okay, mitigating factors contributing to temporary insanity if somebody calls you on it."
*RING*
"Okay, that can't be a coincidence. Hello, Bridge here. Oh, Security found Doctor Lang...He didn't make it to Macross City...It got in a fight with a lawn gnome? The lawn gnome is winning? Thank you. Keep me appraised of further developments. Bridge out."
"Okay....do we want to know?"
"No. Today may be a good day to start drinking if you ever want reason to develop a habit."

[Arnie100]

"okay...we've got a situation...Captain's acting odd.."
"My PREcious! Must haVE mY PRE*WHAM*(Thud)"
"Sammie? Technically cold-cocking Captain Gloval counts as assaulting a superior officer."
"How about he walked into the chair?"
"Ignoring the fact that said chair was swung overhand at him?"
"Couldn't ignore that the whole 'My preCIOUS' schtick was beginning to get a little annoying?"
"Okay, mitigating factors contributing to temporary insanity if somebody calls you on it."
*RING*
"Okay, that can't be a coincidence. Hello, Bridge here. Oh, Security found Doctor Lang...He didn't make it to Macross City...It got in a fight with a lawn gnome? The lawn gnome is winning? Thank you. Keep me appraised of further developments. Bridge out."
"Okay....do we want to know?"
"No. Today may be a good day to start drinking if you ever want reason to develop a habit."

"I've already been drinking...just not the Captain's coffee."
"BTW, did anyone ever find out what was IN the coffee?"
"Not yet...not with Dr. Lang fighting with a lawn gnome!"
"So...the Captain fell out of his chair and the chair landed on top of him?"
"I could live with that!"

[taalismn]

"So, Sarge, what did the bridge have to say?"
"Just thank you and let them know if anything else happens."
"No response to you telling them about the lawn gnome?"
"They probably think he TRIPPED over it."
"SARGE! IT'S GOT THE DOC BY THE NADGERS!"
(offcamera) "...gotta kick yar ass!..."

[Alpha 11]

"okay...we've got a situation...Captain's acting odd.."
"My PREcious! Must haVE mY PRE*WHAM*(Thud)"
"Sammie? Technically cold-cocking Captain Gloval counts as assaulting a superior officer."
"How about he walked into the chair?"
"Ignoring the fact that said chair was swung overhand at him?"
"Couldn't ignore that the whole 'My preCIOUS' schtick was beginning to get a little annoying?"
"Okay, mitigating factors contributing to temporary insanity if somebody calls you on it."
*RING*
"Okay, that can't be a coincidence. Hello, Bridge here. Oh, Security found Doctor Lang...He didn't make it to Macross City...It got in a fight with a lawn gnome? The lawn gnome is winning? Thank you. Keep me appraised of further developments. Bridge out."
"Okay....do we want to know?"
"No. Today may be a good day to start drinking if you ever want reason to develop a habit."

"okay...we've got a situation...Captain's acting odd.."
"My PREcious! Must haVE mY PRE*WHAM*(Thud)"
"Sammie? Technically cold-cocking Captain Gloval counts as assaulting a superior officer."
"How about he walked into the chair?"
"Ignoring the fact that said chair was swung overhand at him?"
"Couldn't ignore that the whole 'My preCIOUS' schtick was beginning to get a little annoying?"
"Okay, mitigating factors contributing to temporary insanity if somebody calls you on it."
*RING*
"Okay, that can't be a coincidence. Hello, Bridge here. Oh, Security found Doctor Lang...He didn't make it to Macross City...It got in a fight with a lawn gnome? The lawn gnome is winning? Thank you. Keep me appraised of further developments. Bridge out."
"Okay....do we want to know?"
"No. Today may be a good day to start drinking if you ever want reason to develop a habit."

"I've already been drinking...just not the Captain's coffee."
"BTW, did anyone ever find out what was IN the coffee?"
"Not yet...not with Dr. Lang fighting with a lawn gnome!"
"So...the Captain fell out of his chair and the chair landed on top of him?"
"I could live with that!"

"So, Sarge, what did the bridge have to say?"
"Just thank you and let them know if anything else happens."
"No response to you telling them about the lawn gnome?"
"They probably think he TRIPPED over it."
"SARGE! IT'S GOT THE DOC BY THE NADGERS!"
(offcamera) "...gotta kick yar ass!..."

[taalismn]

"...call me a lawn ornament, willya! Have at yah!..."
"Sarge, shouldn't we...uhm, HELP the Doctor?"
"After the little guy quits swinging him by the heels, we'll see! Now stay down and behind cover!"
"..Yah!Yah!Yah!Yah!...And WHO called me little?!..."

[Alpha 11]

"...call me a lawn ornament, willya! Have at yah!..."
"Sarge, shouldn't we...uhm, HELP the Doctor?"
"After the little guy quits swinging him by the heels, we'll see! Now stay down and behind cover!"
"..Yah!Yah!Yah!Yah!...And WHO called me little?!..."

[Arnie100]

"...call me a lawn ornament, willya! Have at yah!..."
"Sarge, shouldn't we...uhm, HELP the Doctor?"
"After the little guy quits swinging him by the heels, we'll see! Now stay down and behind cover!"
"..Yah!Yah!Yah!Yah!...And WHO called me little?!..."

"Hey!! What's going on here!?"
"SIR!!! Well, Lieutenant, as you can see...there's a lawn gnome kicking the crap out of Dr. Lang..."
"Didn't you think about helping the Doctor out?"
"Well...you can see, Sir, that the little guy's actually winning and we thought it best that they should work things out by themselves!"
"Good thinking, Seargent! BTW, you wanna make a little bet on who's gonna win???"
"Awww...what the hell! Why not? What about you, Private?"
"I'm in! What about you guys? (looking at the rest of the squad)
"We're in!"
"Oh, Yeah!"
"My money's on the little guy!"

[Alpha 11]

"...call me a lawn ornament, willya! Have at yah!..."
"Sarge, shouldn't we...uhm, HELP the Doctor?"
"After the little guy quits swinging him by the heels, we'll see! Now stay down and behind cover!"
"..Yah!Yah!Yah!Yah!...And WHO called me little?!..."

"Hey!! What's going on here!?"
"SIR!!! Well, Lieutenant, as you can see...there's a lawn gnome kicking the crap out of Dr. Lang..."
"Didn't you think about helping the Doctor out?"
"Well...you can see, Sir, that the little guy's actually winning and we thought it best that they should work things out by themselves!"
"Good thinking, Seargent! BTW, you wanna make a little bet on who's gonna win???"
"Awww...what the hell! Why not? What about you, Private?"
"I'm in! What about you guys? (looking at the rest of the squad)
"We're in!"
"Oh, Yeah!"
"My money's on the little guy!"

[taalismn]

"I dunno..."
"Oh, this is in the bag!"
"Nope, once the Doc gets his feet back under him..."
"Oh %*%^&!! He got him by the hat!"
"Like a mean and angry ice cream cone!"
"Can you make out what Lang's saying? Sounds German?"
"I'd translate, but then you'd have to arrest me for abusive language and disturbing the peace."
"And a naked insane guy waving a homicidal dwarf upside down by his hat while running down the street ISN'T disturbing the peace?"
"Disturbing enough, I'd say. Not sure where he means to put that little fella, though."

[Alpha 11]

"I dunno..."
"Oh, this is in the bag!"
"Nope, once the Doc gets his feet back under him..."
"Oh %*%^&!! He got him by the hat!"
"Like a mean and angry ice cream cone!"
"Can you make out what Lang's saying? Sounds German?"
"I'd translate, but then you'd have to arrest me for abusive language and disturbing the peace."
"And a naked insane guy waving a homicidal dwarf upside down by his hat while running down the street ISN'T disturbing the peace?"
"Disturbing enough, I'd say. Not sure where he means to put that little fella, though."

[taalismn]

Khyron: 2 weeks on Decaf:
"Today, troops, is Nature Appreciation Day when we---"
"Invade a planet and crush its inhabitants?"
"No, we--"
"Wipe out its industrial infrastructure and eliminate global communications?"
"No, no, no! We---"
"Break all resistance and will to fight, and subjugate them in the name of the mighty Zentraedi?"
"No! We--"
"Crush, Kill, Maim, Destroy!"
*POW!*(thud)
"As I was saying, we will spend the day in quiet contemplation and community with wild nature! It will be a QUIET and PEACEFUL day, and NOTHING ELSE! Understand?
UNDERSTAND???!!!"
"Yessir!"

[batlchip]

Red shirt Zent #1:How long are we to contemplate?
Red Shirt Zent #2:Beets me.
Khyron:I see that some of you don't understand orders.Very well into the house of joy with you.
(The two Zents are led to a small room that is painted purple with rainbows.)
Red Shirt Zent #1:My lord what is this?
Khyron:You shall see.(turns to the nearest guard.)Put them in and do not let the out for 48 hours.
Guard:yes my lord!
Grel (as walks up and salutes)My lord.
Khyron:Well Grel you are just in time for a lesson in leadership.
Grel:My lord?
Suddenly there is a erie voice singing You love me I love you.Over and over along with the blood curddling screams of agony.
Khyron:I love killing with kindness.

[taalismn]

Grel: "So caffiene makes you manic, while Zen makes you sadistic?"
Khyron: "It is the difference between messing up somebody's body and messing up that somebody's mind."
Grel: "...Ah..."

[Alpha 11]

Khyron: 2 weeks on Decaf:
"Today, troops, is Nature Appreciation Day when we---"
"Invade a planet and crush its inhabitants?"
"No, we--"
"Wipe out its industrial infrastructure and eliminate global communications?"
"No, no, no! We---"
"Break all resistance and will to fight, and subjugate them in the name of the mighty Zentraedi?"
"No! We--"
"Crush, Kill, Maim, Destroy!"
*POW!*(thud)
"As I was saying, we will spend the day in quiet contemplation and community with wild nature! It will be a QUIET and PEACEFUL day, and NOTHING ELSE! Understand?
UNDERSTAND???!!!"
"Yessir!"

Red shirt Zent #1:How long are we to contemplate?
Red Shirt Zent #2:Beets me.
Khyron:I see that some of you don't understand orders.Very well into the house of joy with you.
(The two Zents are led to a small room that is painted purple with rainbows.)
Red Shirt Zent #1:My lord what is this?
Khyron:You shall see.(turns to the nearest guard.)Put them in and do not let the out for 48 hours.
Guard:yes my lord!
Grel (as walks up and salutes)My lord.
Khyron:Well Grel you are just in time for a lesson in leadership.
Grel:My lord?
Suddenly there is a erie voice singing You love me I love you.Over and over along with the blood curddling screams of agony.
Khyron:I love killing with kindness.

This type to Khyron might be even more scarier.

Grel: "So caffiene makes you manic, while Zen makes you sadistic?"
Khyron: "It is the difference between messing up somebody's body and messing up that somebody's mind."
Grel: "...Ah..."

[taalismn]

Grell: "So lack of caffeine...?"
Khyron: "Allows me to slow down long enough to THINK about how EXACTLY I'm going to hurt somebody, as well as more intellectually savor the moments that those somebodies are being screwed over..."
Grell: "...HO-kayyyyy....."

[Alpha 11]

Grell: "So lack of caffeine...?"
Khyron: "Allows me to slow down long enough to THINK about how EXACTLY I'm going to hurt somebody, as well as more intellectually savor the moments that those somebodies are being screwed over..."
Grell: "...HO-kayyyyy....."

[taalismn]

Grel: "And the Zen garden with the sand and the rocks?"
Khyron: "MInefield, of course."
Grel: "...riiiiggghhhhhttttt....of couurrrssseee..."

[Alpha 11]

Grel: "And the Zen garden with the sand and the rocks?"
Khyron: "MInefield, of course."
Grel: "...riiiiggghhhhhttttt....of couurrrssseee..."

[taalismn]

(Grel steps out of Khyron's office to find a small group of junior officers looking anxious...)
JO:(nervously, as the spokeman of the group)"Sir...what can you tell us about Lord Khyron's ...ah, new mental state?"
Grel" "Guys...we're still screwed, only differently. Now, I'm gong to go find something to preemptively kill the pain."

[Alpha 11]

(Grel steps out of Khyron's office to find a small group of junior officers looking anxious...)
JO:(nervously, as the spokeman of the group)"Sir...what can you tell us about Lord Khyron's ...ah, new mental state?"
Grel" "Guys...we're still screwed, only differently. Now, I'm gong to go find something to preemptively kill the pain."

[taalismn]

(Khyron's final atatck on the SDF-1)
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
(With a grinding noise the two parts of the gun refuse to budge)
MAIN GUN BOOM DEPLOYMENT ERROR. CANNOT FIRE.
"%$^&^#!!!!!! GREL!!! GO OIL THE HINGES OR GIVE IT A GOOD KICK OR SOMETHING!"
"Yessir!"
(THUMP*WHACK*WHACK*THUD!)
VReeeeeeeeeeee.......
"Finally!"
*SCHRACK!*
...and the entire lower half of the ship falls off and away.
"GREEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!!"

Take 2:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
The front end of the ship opens up, and the upper half bends up and back...and back...and back...then just falls off
"GREEELLLLLLL!!!!"


Take 3:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
Vreeeeeeeeee.....
THis time the entire front end of the ship expands like a balloon.
Khyron: "OH SHI--!GREEEEEEEELLLLLLL_---"
*CATACLYSMAPOP!*

[Arnie100]

Take 4:
Khyron: "Quickly, Grel!! Fire the main gun!!"
Grel: "ZzzzzzzzzzzzSnort...huh!? What?
Khyron: "The MAIN GUN! FIRE IT!!"
Grel: "Zzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Khyron: "GREL!!!!! Dammit! Computer! Fire the Main Gun!"
Computer: "ONE MOMENT PLEASE...SYSTEM ERROR..."
Khyron: "What!!!"
Computer: "INITIATING AUTO-DESTRUCT...10, 9, 8, 7, 6..."
Khyron: "NOOOOOOO!"

(Suddenly...Khyron wakes up!)
Khyron: "Oh, thank the Masters!! It was just a dream!! I really have to stop drinking this coffee..."
(Tosses coffee cup onto computer console)
Computer: "INITIATING AUTO-DESTRUCT..."
Khyron:

[taalismn]

Take 5:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*FFFWWHHHAAAMMMMMMM*
(Pull back to show Khyron's bridge completely charred, with everybody standing around in classic 'charcoaled' pose.....all blackened except for their eyes...Azonia and Grel looking somewhat popeyed, Khyron just looking vexed...)
Khyron: "Somebody failed their Electrical Skill roll, I see...."

Take 6:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*SSSHHHOOOOMMMMMMMMM*
(Reflex Cannon in the OTHER direction takes them out)
Gloval:(the bridge of the SDF-1)"HOw you like dem apples, boy?! You ain't the only one who can pull off an ambush!"

Take 7:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
^SCCCRRUMMMMMMMM*
(The cannon shot goes wide, hits a mountain peak right next to the monitor, blowing a massive amount of rock up into the air...which promptly comes down on top of Khyron's ship, breaking it in half)

Take 8:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*BOING*
"Boing?! Reflex cannons don't go 'Boing'! Why the hell did it go 'Boing'?!"
Grel: "Ah, Special EFfects went overbudget on the Rain of Death. That's all they ahd left."
Khyron: "What do you mean, over budget! THis is the freakin' series grand finale, after a dozen episodes of lead-up! HOW CAN THEY NOT HAVE ENOUGH LEFT FOR A DECENT FINAL BATTLE?! What next, do they have me and Azonia eating onion rings and a sudden cut to-"

Take 9:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*ZZZZHHHAAMMMM*
"THat's MORE LIKE IT! NOW TO FINISH THE-"
#MAIN POWER LOST. SECONDARY POWER LOST. AUXILIARY POWER LOST. PLEASE ASSUME CRASH POSITION AND TANK YOU FOR FLYING TIROL AIR-#
"... ..."


Take 10:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAI---You know, %^*&% this, I'm going home, call out for Chinese, maybe hire a lap dancer, and get drunk!"

[Alpha 11]

(Khyron's final atatck on the SDF-1)
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
(With a grinding noise the two parts of the gun refuse to budge)
MAIN GUN BOOM DEPLOYMENT ERROR. CANNOT FIRE.
"%$^&^#!!!!!! GREL!!! GO OIL THE HINGES OR GIVE IT A GOOD KICK OR SOMETHING!"
"Yessir!"
(THUMP*WHACK*WHACK*THUD!)
VReeeeeeeeeeee.......
"Finally!"
*SCHRACK!*
...and the entire lower half of the ship falls off and away.
"GREEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!!"

Take 2:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
The front end of the ship opens up, and the upper half bends up and back...and back...and back...then just falls off
"GREEELLLLLLL!!!!"


Take 3:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
Vreeeeeeeeee.....
THis time the entire front end of the ship expands like a balloon.
Khyron: "OH SHI--!GREEEEEEEELLLLLLL_---"
*CATACLYSMAPOP!*

Take 4:
Khyron: "Quickly, Grel!! Fire the main gun!!"
Grel: "ZzzzzzzzzzzzSnort...huh!? What?
Khyron: "The MAIN GUN! FIRE IT!!"
Grel: "Zzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Khyron: "GREL!!!!! Dammit! Computer! Fire the Main Gun!"
Computer: "ONE MOMENT PLEASE...SYSTEM ERROR..."
Khyron: "What!!!"
Computer: "INITIATING AUTO-DESTRUCT...10, 9, 8, 7, 6..."
Khyron: "NOOOOOOO!"

(Suddenly...Khyron wakes up!)
Khyron: "Oh, thank the Masters!! It was just a dream!! I really have to stop drinking this coffee..."
(Tosses coffee cup onto computer console)
Computer: "INITIATING AUTO-DESTRUCT..."
Khyron:

Take 5:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*FFFWWHHHAAAMMMMMMM*
(Pull back to show Khyron's bridge completely charred, with everybody standing around in classic 'charcoaled' pose.....all blackened except for their eyes...Azonia and Grel looking somewhat popeyed, Khyron just looking vexed...)
Khyron: "Somebody failed their Electrical Skill roll, I see...."

Take 6:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*SSSHHHOOOOMMMMMMMMM*
(Reflex Cannon in the OTHER direction takes them out)
Gloval:(the bridge of the SDF-1)"HOw you like dem apples, boy?! You ain't the only one who can pull off an ambush!"

Take 7:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
^SCCCRRUMMMMMMMM*
(The cannon shot goes wide, hits a mountain peak right next to the monitor, blowing a massive amount of rock up into the air...which promptly comes down on top of Khyron's ship, breaking it in half)

Take 8:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*BOING*
"Boing?! Reflex cannons don't go 'Boing'! Why the hell did it go 'Boing'?!"
Grel: "Ah, Special EFfects went overbudget on the Rain of Death. That's all they ahd left."
Khyron: "What do you mean, over budget! THis is the freakin' series grand finale, after a dozen episodes of lead-up! HOW CAN THEY NOT HAVE ENOUGH LEFT FOR A DECENT FINAL BATTLE?! What next, do they have me and Azonia eating onion rings and a sudden cut to-"

Take 9:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAIN GUN!"
*ZZZZHHHAAMMMM*
"THat's MORE LIKE IT! NOW TO FINISH THE-"
#MAIN POWER LOST. SECONDARY POWER LOST. AUXILIARY POWER LOST. PLEASE ASSUME CRASH POSITION AND TANK YOU FOR FLYING TIROL AIR-#
"... ..."


Take 10:
Khyron:"We're within range! FIRE THE MAI---You know, %^*&% this, I'm going home, call out for Chinese, maybe hire a lap dancer, and get drunk!"

[taalismn]

Bumperstickers on SDF-1:

-TODDLER ON BOARD

-My Myopic Fresh-From-The-Academy Newbie Fighter Jock Can Beat Up Your Genetically Engineered Eugenically Selected Mecha Ace

-My Crew of Thrown-Together Misfits Can Beat the Hell Out of Your Mass-Produced Alien Warrior Hordes

-PAIN. WE DELIVER.

-Proud Member of the National Reflex Cannon Association

[Alpha 11]

Bumperstickers on SDF-1:

-TODDLER ON BOARD

-My Myopic Fresh-From-The-Academy Newbie Fighter Jock Can Beat Up Your Genetically Engineered Eugenically Selected Mecha Ace

-My Crew of Thrown-Together Misfits Can Beat the Hell Out of Your Mass-Produced Alien Warrior Hordes

-PAIN. WE DELIVER.

-Proud Member of the National Reflex Cannon Association

[taalismn]

The Return of Skippy's Rules of Robotech:

501: Orange-flavored Tang doesn't go well with Flower of Life
501a: It DOES, however, mix well with Garudan Ale
502: Getting between Miriya Sterling and the Midol during 'that' time of the month should be classed as suicide
503: Manually-operated ejection seats; demand them! None of this it-just-happens-to-malfunction-just-when-I-need-it $#!+.
504: As much as you want to waste that annoying little waif you find by the side of the road, don't. Odds are, he or she will wind up saving your life sometime down the road, when nobody else can or will.
505: Cowardice; it may hurt that I'm still alive, but at least I'm still alive.

[taalismn]

Robotech True Confessions:

Rick Hunter: "I'm afraid of heights."
Lisa Hayes(wearing a black rubber straitjacket): "I'm into bondage."
Captain Gloval: "I was born 'Henrietta'."
Doctor Lang: "My Ph.D's in economics."
Max Sterling: "I'm French."
Ben Dixon: "I text while I fly."
Miriya Parino-Sterling: "Dana isn't Max's."
Claudia Grant: "I poisoned my last seven boyfriends."
Col. Maistroff: "I was at Woodstock."
Minmei: "I like RAW MEAT."
Breetai: "I have a security blanket."
Khyron: "I'm into fursuiting."
Grel: "I have a controlling interest in the Michael Jackson estate."
Azonia: "I cheat on my golf scores."
Zor Prime: "I urinated in the Protoculture Matrix."
Dana Sterling: "I...Wait, if Max isn't my father, who IS!???"
Bowie Grant: "I just mime playing the piano."
Scott Bernard: "My passion is hair dressing."
Ariel/Marlene: "Nude tennis."
Rand: "I have an addiction to GummiBears."
Corg: "I think Scott Bernard is sooooo cute!"
Annie: "You make fun of me?! Fools! You'll soon bow to my genius when the stars are right! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

[batlchip]

Exador:I sing in the shower.
Roy Fokker:I'm into crossdressing.
Dolza:I don't wear under pants.
Vanessa:I once dated Roy.
Rico:I'm a modified clone of Azoina
Konda:I'm a direct desindent of Larry of the Three Stooges.
Kim:I dated Rick and Lang.
Sammy:I'm really 45 years old and Gloval's ex-wife.
Bron:I am Dana's Father.
Lynn Kyle:I'm Dolza's brother.
Sean:Angelo is my brother.
Nova:Col.Wolf is my brother.
Crystal:I'm Lisa's cousin and Step sister.

[taalismn]

Musica: I think Edward Cullen is sparkly-dreamy
Field Marshal Leonard: I enjoy knitting....this scarf's for Emerson.
The Regis: I like cooking programs
The Regent: My first book just got published...it's a children's picture book....
Bokawz(Robotech Master): I ate the last cookie.
Allegra: I think Twilight fans are genetically defective...
Louie Nichols: I have math anxiety.
Karno: I use the security cameras to peep on the womens' showers
Sokol: I keep forgetting my brothers' names.
Rook: They're implants.
Lunk: I pushed him.
Col. Wolfe: I adore karaoke.
Angelo Dante: I'm studying to become a Bhuddist monk.

[Alpha 11]

The Return of Skippy's Rules of Robotech:

501: Orange-flavored Tang doesn't go well with Flower of Life
501a: It DOES, however, mix well with Garudan Ale
502: Getting between Miriya Sterling and the Midol during 'that' time of the month should be classed as suicide
503: Manually-operated ejection seats; demand them! None of this it-just-happens-to-malfunction-just-when-I-need-it $#!+.
504: As much as you want to waste that annoying little waif you find by the side of the road, don't. Odds are, he or she will wind up saving your life sometime down the road, when nobody else can or will.
505: Cowardice; it may hurt that I'm still alive, but at least I'm still alive.

Robotech True Confessions:

Rick Hunter: "I'm afraid of heights."
Lisa Hayes(wearing a black rubber straitjacket): "I'm into bondage."
Captain Gloval: "I was born 'Henrietta'."
Doctor Lang: "My Ph.D's in economics."
Max Sterling: "I'm French."
Ben Dixon: "I text while I fly."
Miriya Parino-Sterling: "Dana isn't Max's."
Claudia Grant: "I poisoned my last seven boyfriends."
Col. Maistroff: "I was at Woodstock."
Minmei: "I like RAW MEAT."
Breetai: "I have a security blanket."
Khyron: "I'm into fursuiting."
Grel: "I have a controlling interest in the Michael Jackson estate."
Azonia: "I cheat on my golf scores."
Zor Prime: "I urinated in the Protoculture Matrix."
Dana Sterling: "I...Wait, if Max isn't my father, who IS!???"
Bowie Grant: "I just mime playing the piano."
Scott Bernard: "My passion is hair dressing."
Ariel/Marlene: "Nude tennis."
Rand: "I have an addiction to GummiBears."
Corg: "I think Scott Bernard is sooooo cute!"
Annie: "You make fun of me?! Fools! You'll soon bow to my genius when the stars are right! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Exador:I sing in the shower.
Roy Fokker:I'm into crossdressing.
Dolza:I don't wear under pants.
Vanessa:I once dated Roy.
Rico:I'm a modified clone of Azoina
Konda:I'm a direct desindent of Larry of the Three Stooges.
Kim:I dated Rick and Lang.
Sammy:I'm really 45 years old and Gloval's ex-wife.
Bron:I am Dana's Father.
Lynn Kyle:I'm Dolza's brother.
Sean:Angelo is my brother.
Nova:Col.Wolf is my brother.
Crystal:I'm Lisa's cousin and Step sister.

Musica: I think Edward Cullen is sparkly-dreamy
Field Marshal Leonard: I enjoy knitting....this scarf's for Emerson.
The Regis: I like cooking programs
The Regent: My first book just got published...it's a children's picture book....
Bokawz(Robotech Master): I ate the last cookie.
Allegra: I think Twilight fans are genetically defective...
Louie Nichols: I have math anxiety.
Karno: I use the security cameras to peep on the womens' showers
Sokol: I keep forgetting my brothers' names.
Rook: They're implants.
Lunk: I pushed him.
Col. Wolfe: I adore karaoke.
Angelo Dante: I'm studying to become a Bhuddist monk.

[taalismn]

Vince Grant: I sideline as a Chippendale's dancer
Jean Grant: I had breast reduction surgery
Alex Romero: I slept with Marcus's sister
Daryl Taylor: I can't stand science fiction movies
Darsis: I'm sexually attracted to my clone brothers
Sera: I like to do it underwater
Vash the Stampede: I'm really a mutant Flower of Life
Yellow Dancer: I'm Lisa Hayes' dominatrix
Octavia: I'M TONE DEAF!!!!!!
Major Fredericks: I really DO have stick up my arse....Old childhood injury and they can't get it out.
Rolf Emerson: I'm addicted to online RPGing.
Gunther Reinhardt: I cosplay Conan the Barbarian.
Veidt(Haydonite): I'm a Mac user.
Marlene Rush: I'm not really dead.
Maia Sterling: I'm saving up for gender reassignment surgery
Janice Em: I must kill Sarah Connor.
Marcus Rush: In retrospect, swiping Scott's credit cards before he left for Earth and going on a spending spree looks like a REALLY bad idea now....

[Arnie100]

Minmei: I really have no talent!
Rick Hunter: I'm still in love with Minmei!
Minmei: REALLY!?
Lisa Hunter: WHAT!!!!!
Rick: I didn't mean it that way, Lisa! I SWEAR!!
Major Fredericks: Those really were my Frederick's of Hollywood catalogs!
Field Marshall Leonard: I'm a nice guy...I care about people!
Janice Em: These (YOU KNOW) aren't real...
Louie Nichols: I knew that...

[batlchip]

Lunk: I like wearing pink speedo's with Edward's face on them.
Grel:I listen to Barney.
Dolza:I wear ruby red slippers in bed.
Breetai:I d---What!?
Col Edwards:I play with MinMei dolls for sinster reasons.

[taalismn]

Field Marshal Leonard: I shave my head daily
Nova Satori: I'm a compulsive liar on police reports
Minmei: I was only using Rick to get back at Max.
Yellow Dancer: I'm into stomping small animals
Regis: I'm allergic to Flower of Life
T.R. Edwards: I'm illiterate
Exedore: My stage name at my OTHER video job is 'Shaft'.
Veidt: I'm in the witness protection program
Lynn Kyle: I'm a lifetime subscriber to Soldier of Fortune

[batlchip]

Regent:I have to dance the time warp to get the ship to space fold.
Max:I have a brother named starbuck
Azonia:Dolza is my clone daddy.
Khyron:I can't drive 55
Roy Fokker:I take motion sickness pills.
Janice Em:I was really built by Ankin Skywalker.
Nova:I'm a cousin to a guy named Earp.

[taalismn]

Nova: My sister is Sailor Pluto
BreetaiL I'm a Smurf
Field Marshal Leonard: I love Wayne Newton music
Colonel Wolfe: I can't drive a stick shift!
Rand: I'm Rook's pimp.
T.R. Edwards: My dog told me Rick Hunter was the Anti-Christ
Doctor Lang: I got the Fold Engine parts from HobbyFan
Reno: I'm not afraid of kids, I'm terrified of CLOWNS.

[Alpha 11]

Vince Grant: I sideline as a Chippendale's dancer
Jean Grant: I had breast reduction surgery
Alex Romero: I slept with Marcus's sister
Daryl Taylor: I can't stand science fiction movies
Darsis: I'm sexually attracted to my clone brothers
Sera: I like to do it underwater
Vash the Stampede: I'm really a mutant Flower of Life
Yellow Dancer: I'm Lisa Hayes' dominatrix
Octavia: I'M TONE DEAF!!!!!!
Major Fredericks: I really DO have stick up my arse....Old childhood injury and they can't get it out.
Rolf Emerson: I'm addicted to online RPGing.
Gunther Reinhardt: I cosplay Conan the Barbarian.
Veidt(Haydonite): I'm a Mac user.
Marlene Rush: I'm not really dead.
Maia Sterling: I'm saving up for gender reassignment surgery
Janice Em: I must kill Sarah Connor.
Marcus Rush: In retrospect, swiping Scott's credit cards before he left for Earth and going on a spending spree looks like a REALLY bad idea now....

Minmei: I really have no talent!
Rick Hunter: I'm still in love with Minmei!
Minmei: REALLY!?
Lisa Hunter: WHAT!!!!!
Rick: I didn't mean it that way, Lisa! I SWEAR!!
Major Fredericks: Those really were my Frederick's of Hollywood catalogs!
Field Marshall Leonard: I'm a nice guy...I care about people!
Janice Em: These (YOU KNOW) aren't real...
Louie Nichols: I knew that...

Lunk: I like wearing pink speedo's with Edward's face on them.
Grel:I listen to Barney.
Dolza:I wear ruby red slippers in bed.
Breetai:I d---What!?
Col Edwards:I play with MinMei dolls for sinster reasons.

Regent:I have to dance the time warp to get the ship to space fold.
Max:I have a brother named starbuck
Azonia:Dolza is my clone daddy.
Khyron:I can't drive 55
Roy Fokker:I take motion sickness pills.
Janice Em:I was really built by Ankin Skywalker.
Nova:I'm a cousin to a guy named Earp.

Nova: My sister is Sailor Pluto
BreetaiL I'm a Smurf
Field Marshal Leonard: I love Wayne Newton music
Colonel Wolfe: I can't drive a stick shift!
Rand: I'm Rook's pimp.
T.R. Edwards: My dog told me Rick Hunter was the Anti-Christ
Doctor Lang: I got the Fold Engine parts from HobbyFan
Reno: I'm not afraid of kids, I'm terrified of CLOWNS.

[taalismn]

Dana Sterling in the Time Loops:

--Shows up at the awards ceremony not in her rabbit-eared Spartas, but in a breakaway uniform with a Playboy Bunny outfit underneath. Troops go hooting MAD before and when a facefaulting Nova hauls her back to the lock-up.

---Pops up next to Zor in his hospital bed BEFORE he gets up to see what the matter is at the door.
*CLICK*ZZZUUUURRRFFFFFF*"Urk---!"
She hits the power bed lift controls, folding the bed up like a taco, with Zor Prime stuffed inside.
"Now. Now that I have your full undivided attention..."

---Zor tries to push her into the lifepod.
*"GERK---!!!"
---and wonders when she slipped the dog collar and leash on him, pulling him in after her.

---"Hmmm...how should I #### with Nova's mind THIS time around?"

[Alpha 11]

Dana Sterling in the Time Loops:

--Shows up at the awards ceremony not in her rabbit-eared Spartas, but in a breakaway uniform with a Playboy Bunny outfit underneath. Troops go hooting MAD before and when a facefaulting Nova hauls her back to the lock-up.

---Pops up next to Zor in his hospital bed BEFORE he gets up to see what the matter is at the door.
*CLICK*ZZZUUUURRRFFFFFF*"Urk---!"
She hits the power bed lift controls, folding the bed up like a taco, with Zor Prime stuffed inside.
"Now. Now that I have your full undivided attention..."

---Zor tries to push her into the lifepod.
*"GERK---!!!"
---and wonders when she slipped the dog collar and leash on him, pulling him in after her.

---"Hmmm...how should I #### with Nova's mind THIS time around?"

Love the time loops!

[taalismn]

Angelo Dante and Bowie are sitting on a bench, leaning back.
"I don't think Nova's too keen on Dana's revised uniform."
"You think?"
A screaming Dana Sterling runs past in her playboy bunny outfit, an impossibly long tail of flame shooting from the tiny little cottonball tail on the costume.
"Amazing how long that thing can burn for cotton."
"Yep"
*FWHOMP!* *"EYAAAHHHHHaaaaaaaaaaa......!!!!!!!"*
"And we have ignition and liftoff."
"I'll contact the Sea Squaddies and give them the heads up on a possible touch down in their backyard."

[Alpha 11]

Angelo Dante and Bowie are sitting on a bench, leaning back.
"I don't think Nova's too keen on Dana's revised uniform."
"You think?"
A screaming Dana Sterling runs past in her playboy bunny outfit, an impossibly long tail of flame shooting from the tiny little cottonball tail on the costume.
"Amazing how long that thing can burn for cotton."
"Yep"
*FWHOMP!* *"EYAAAHHHHHaaaaaaaaaaa......!!!!!!!"*
"And we have ignition and liftoff."
"I'll contact the Sea Squaddies and give them the heads up on a possible touch down in their backyard."

[taalismn]

"Clarify for me this incident report, Lieutenant Satori."
"Yes sir."
"In order to chastise Lieutenant Sterling for 'disrespecting the uniform', you shot her in the arse with your service laser pistol?"
"That is correct, sir."
"In full view of her men."
"Yes sir."
"There are some who would say that's disrespect in and of itself."
"Yes sir, but I was making a point."
"That point being?"
"I'm a good shot when I'm angry."

[batlchip]

"Clarify for me this incident report, Lieutenant Satori."
"Yes sir."
"In order to chastise Lieutenant Sterling for 'disrespecting the uniform', you shot her in the arse with your service laser pistol?"
"That is correct, sir."
"In full view of her men."
"Yes sir."
"There are some who would say that's disrespect in and of itself."
"Yes sir, but I was making a point."
"That point being?"
"I'm a good shot when I'm angry."

And you wonder why she didn't have any dates on the show.

[taalismn]

"Clarify for me this incident report, Lieutenant Satori."
"Yes sir."
"In order to chastise Lieutenant Sterling for 'disrespecting the uniform', you shot her in the arse with your service laser pistol?"
"That is correct, sir."
"In full view of her men."
"Yes sir."
"There are some who would say that's disrespect in and of itself."
"Yes sir, but I was making a point."
"That point being?"
"I'm a good shot when I'm angry."

And you wonder why she didn't have any dates on the show.

On the other hand, the local proctologist loves the business she gives him.
"Doctor, we got another emergency call-in asking for an appointment as soon as possible!"
"Lemm guess, nurse, laser burn to the @$$?"
"How'd you know?"

[Alpha 11]

"Clarify for me this incident report, Lieutenant Satori."
"Yes sir."
"In order to chastise Lieutenant Sterling for 'disrespecting the uniform', you shot her in the arse with your service laser pistol?"
"That is correct, sir."
"In full view of her men."
"Yes sir."
"There are some who would say that's disrespect in and of itself."
"Yes sir, but I was making a point."
"That point being?"
"I'm a good shot when I'm angry."

"Clarify for me this incident report, Lieutenant Satori."
"Yes sir."
"In order to chastise Lieutenant Sterling for 'disrespecting the uniform', you shot her in the arse with your service laser pistol?"
"That is correct, sir."
"In full view of her men."
"Yes sir."
"There are some who would say that's disrespect in and of itself."
"Yes sir, but I was making a point."
"That point being?"
"I'm a good shot when I'm angry."

And you wonder why she didn't have any dates on the show.

On the other hand, the local proctologist loves the business she gives him.
"Doctor, we got another emergency call-in asking for an appointment as soon as possible!"
"Lemm guess, nurse, laser burn to the @$$?"
"How'd you know?"

[taalismn]

More rules of Robotech:
506: If converting a video game apparatus into a combat system, I will NOT retain the 'Life Remaining' or 'Extra Lives Earned' readout; no point in giving the grunts reason to panick or false hope.
507: You are NOT to light your cigarette with your laser pistol.
507a: If you doubt the wisdom of this regulation, ask Col. Wolfe. He's on his sixth nose job already.
508: GMP are not 'penguins' even in their formal uniforms, and not even if they're assigned to the Polar bases.
509: YOu may NOT request a Veritech Armchair from Research and Development
510: Nitrous Oxide injectors are NOT available for your Alpha Fighter. Quit harassing Maintenance about having one installed.

[Alpha 11]

More rules of Robotech:
506: If converting a video game apparatus into a combat system, I will NOT retain the 'Life Remaining' or 'Extra Lives Earned' readout; no point in giving the grunts reason to panick or false hope.
507: You are NOT to light your cigarette with your laser pistol.
507a: If you doubt the wisdom of this regulation, ask Col. Wolfe. He's on his sixth nose job already.
508: GMP are not 'penguins' even in their formal uniforms, and not even if they're assigned to the Polar bases.
509: YOu may NOT request a Veritech Armchair from Research and Development
510: Nitrous Oxide injectors are NOT available for your Alpha Fighter. Quit harassing Maintenance about having one installed.