Robotech Blooper Reels

[taalismn]

"Great! The Haydonites have subverted our Shadowtechnology! Made our technology turn on us! Technology that most of our fleet is equipped with! What are we going to do!"
"It's still under warranty, isn't it? And you kept the receipts?"

[Alpha 11]

"Great! The Haydonites have subverted our Shadowtechnology! Made our technology turn on us! Technology that most of our fleet is equipped with! What are we going to do!"
"It's still under warranty, isn't it? And you kept the receipts?"

[taalismn]

Return of the TimeLoops: Hobbies
"So glad you see it my way, Admiral Hunter."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, General Edwards. You know the way out..."
(slam)
Vince Grant: "ARGH! That Edwards! How can you STAND the guy?"
Rick: "...2283..."
Vince: "Huh? '2283'?"
Rick: "Oh...It's part of my hobby. When I have a lot of time on my hands, I engage in it."
Vince:"And that hobby is...?"
Rick: "Coming up with different ways of killing T.R. Edwards. After a while, I had so many of them, it was easier to just simply number them when I need to think of one."
Vince: "'2283'?"
Rick: "Eaten alive by carnivorous crickets."
Vince: "1?"
Rick: "Bullet in the head."
Vince: "37?"
Rick: "Steamroller."
Vince: "115?"
Rick: "Orbital Particle Beam Strike."
Vince: "837!"
Rick: "Requires lots of Crisco and a drill lathe."
Vince: "259."
Rick: "Forcefed Protoculture emulator and a war party of Invid."
Vince: "Invid? What are those?"
Rick: "Oops! Forgot it's early in the ...ah, heard about them in a briefing from Breetai. Mean nasty alien race out there."
Vince: "Oh. Ah, 1110?"
Rick: "Fed to a shoggoth, if we ever find one...again..."
Vince: "256! 902! 45!"
Rick: "Rolled down the side of Everest in a steel drum with broken glass and barbed wire. Lobotomy with a rusty railroad spike. Buried headfirst in a fire ant nest."
Vince: "....how long have you been thinking about this hobby of yours?"
Rick: "...longer than you know. Longer than you know."

[Alpha 11]

Return of the TimeLoops: Hobbies
"So glad you see it my way, Admiral Hunter."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, General Edwards. You know the way out..."
(slam)
Vince Grant: "ARGH! That Edwards! How can you SYAND the guy?"
Rick: "...2283..."
Vince: "Huh? '2283'?"
Rick: "Oh...It's part of my hobby. When I have a lot of time on my hands, I engage in it."
Vince:"And that hobby is...?"
Rick: "Coming up with different ways of killing T.R. Edwards. After a while, I had so many of them, it was easier to just simply number them when I need to think of one."
Vince: "'2283'?"
Rick: "Eaten alive by carnivorous crickets."
Vince: "1?"
Rick: "Bullet in the head."
Vince: "37?"
Rick: "Steamroller."
Vince: "115?"
Rick: "Orbital Particle Beam Strike."
Vince: "837!"
Rick: "Requires lots of Crisco and a drill lathe."
Vince: "259."
Rick: "Forcefed Protoculture emulator and a war party of Invid."
Vince: "Invid? What are those?"
Rick: "Oops! Forgot it's early in the ...ah, heard about them in a briefing from Breetai. Mean nasty alien race out there."
Vince: "Oh. Ah, 1110?"
Rick: "Fed to a shoggoth, if we ever find one...again..."
Vince: "256! 902! 45!"
Rick: "Rolled down the side of Everest in a steel drum with broken glass and barbed wire. Lobotomy with a rusty railroad spike. Buried headfirst in a fire ant nest."
Vince: "....how long have you been thinking about this hobby of yours?"
Rick: "...longer than you know. Longer than you know."

[drewkitty ~..~]

The Icarus is soaring through Fold Space all by itself, the crew just minding their own business, when suddenly a Haydonite cruiser pulls up around from behind them and proceeds to pass them(this is pre-betrayal).
As they pass, they're close enough for the astonished bridge crew to see into the Haydonite ship's bridge, where the crew there is gesturing at them(don't ask how they gesture without arms), the essence of which is along the lines of 'DON'T GO IN THE FAST LANE IF YOU'RE NOT %&^$^&$ GOING TO GO FAST, YOU $$%%*&$*!!!!!'. The Haydonite cruiser then passes them and zips out of sight, leaving the crew blinking their eyes...
Vince Grant just settles deeper in his captain's chair and grumbles, "Doesn't matter where you go, the speed limit is always set by the damn jerk right behind you..."

My vehicle use to be able to go in the HOV lane with just me in it. And the one that drove me up the wall were those cars that were going 65 in the HOVL while the rest of the freeway was doing 75+. So I though this quite a few times. Especially since you are not technically suppose to exit the HOVL over the double sets of double yellow lines.
It is easier to go around said cars when in the normal lanes.

However, I get most annoyed by the cars that do not stay at a consistent speed. Forcing me to slow down out of cruse control. Then after that they speed up.
--------------
TL: Rick's Hobbies.
Ouuuuuch.

[drewkitty ~..~]

Lisa's TL hobby
ways to get LMM from meeting Rick.
746: get her deported back to okinawa and her parents and a runaway, before launch day
84: hack in to the Miss Macross contest files and delete MM's application. So she would have nothing run back to the restaurant for.
34: hack into the trainer's nav-comp so it doesn't crash in the city. Thus avoiding the rick/MM encounter.
2: have rick arrested just after roy leaves him in the trainer, and have him locked up in her quarters.
1032: kidnap rick before launch day and take a loop off with him

[taalismn]

[My vehicle use to be able to go in the HOV lane with just me in it. And the one that drove me up the wall were those cars that were going 65 in the HOVL while the rest of the freeway was doing 75+. So I though this quite a few times. Especially since you are not technically suppose to exit the HOVL over the double sets of double yellow lines.
It is easier to go around said cars when in the normal lanes.

However, I get most annoyed by the cars that do not stay at a consistent speed. Forcing me to slow down out of cruse control. Then after that they speed up. .

Your link's apparently non-existent.


Rick's Hobby:

Vince:(walking along) "500?"
Rick: "Requires me to go back in time, find his mother, and convince her of the benefits of having her tubes tied."
Vince: "499?"
Rick: "Back in time to become his mechanic during the GCW and futzing with his plane...I go into 499a-, b-, c-, and so forth depending on what I throw in the engine or use to screw with the ejection seat."
Vince: "Ouch. 600?"
Rick: "Get him and Logan drunk. Start a fight between the two."
Vince: "Logan?"
Rick: "Canadian. You never met him. Kinda rough around the edges. Packs a MEAN punch."
Vince: "Oh."

[Alpha 11]

Lisa's TL hobby
ways to get LMM from meeting Rick.
746: get her deported back to okinawa and her parents and a runaway, before launch day
84: hack in to the Miss Macross contest files and delete MM's application. So she would have nothing run back to the restaurant for.
34: hack into the trainer's nav-comp so it doesn't crash in the city. Thus avoiding the rick/MM encounter.
2: have rick arrested just after roy leaves him in the trainer, and have him locked up in her quarters.
1032: kidnap rick before launch day and take a loop off with him

[My vehicle use to be able to go in the HOV lane with just me in it. And the one that drove me up the wall were those cars that were going 65 in the HOVL while the rest of the freeway was doing 75+. So I though this quite a few times. Especially since you are not technically suppose to exit the HOVL over the double sets of double yellow lines.
It is easier to go around said cars when in the normal lanes.

However, I get most annoyed by the cars that do not stay at a consistent speed. Forcing me to slow down out of cruse control. Then after that they speed up. .

Your link's apparently non-existent.


Rick's Hobby:

Vince:(walking along) "500?"
Rick: "Requires me to go back in time, find his mother, and convince her of the benefits of having her tubes tied."
Vince: "499?"
Rick: "Back in time to become his mechanic during the GCW and futzing with his plane...I go into 499a-, b-, c-, and so forth depending on what I throw in the engine or use to screw with the ejection seat."
Vince: "Ouch. 600?"
Rick: "Get him and Logan drunk. Start a fight between the two."
Vince: "Logan?"
Rick: "Canadian. You never met him. Kinda rough around the edges. Packs a MEAN punch."
Vince: "Oh."

[gaby]

That Good.

[taalismn]

Rick's in bed, asleep in his quarters.
*RING#RING*
"...grkkk...ung...hello?"
Vince: ("..552?")
Rick: "Turned inside out by a mis-calibrated Fold Drive."
Vince:( "...uh...1111?")
Rick: "Explosive pacemaker with a random trigger timer...Vince, it's three eh-eem, for crying out loud! Give it a rest, already, or do I have to start a NEW list, starting with 'Telling Vince Grant's wife that he's harassing his best friend at ungodly hours when everybody should be sleeping'?!"
Vince: ("Ah...good night, Rick!")
"Goodnight."
*Click*

[drewkitty ~..~]

The Icarus is soaring through Fold Space all by itself, the crew just minding their own business, when suddenly a Haydonite cruiser pulls up around from behind them and proceeds to pass them(this is pre-betrayal).
As they pass, they're close enough for the astonished bridge crew to see into the Haydonite ship's bridge, where the crew there is gesturing at them(don't ask how they gesture without arms), the essence of which is along the lines of 'DON'T GO IN THE FAST LANE IF YOU'RE NOT %&^$^&$ GOING TO GO FAST, YOU $$%%*&$*!!!!!'. The Haydonite cruiser then passes them and zips out of sight, leaving the crew blinking their eyes...
Vince Grant just settles deeper in his captain's chair and grumbles, "Doesn't matter where you go, the speed limit is always set by the damn jerk right behind you..."

My vehicle use to be able to go in the HOV lane with just me in it. And the one that drove me up the wall were those cars that were going 65 in the HOVL while the rest of the freeway was doing 75+. So I though this quite a few times. Especially since you are not technically suppose to exit the HOVL over the double sets of double yellow lines.
It is easier to go around said cars when in the normal lanes.
.

taalismn look at both the Blue highlighting in the above quote.
----------------------

Rick's in bed, asleep in his quarters.
*RING#RING*
"...grkkk...ung...hello?"
Vince: ("..552?")
Rick: "Turned inside out by a mis-calibrated Fold Drive."
Vince:( "...uh...1111?")
Rick: "Explosive pacemaker with a random trigger timer...Vince, it's three pee-eem, for crying out loud! Give it a rest, already, or do I have to start a NEW list, starting with 'Telling Vince Grant's wife that he's harassing his best friend at ungodly hours when everybody should be sleeping'?!"
Vince: ("Ah...good night, Rick!")
"Goodnight."
*Click*

[taalismn]

The Icarus is soaring through Fold Space all by itself, the crew just minding their own business, when suddenly a Haydonite cruiser pulls up around from behind them and proceeds to pass them(this is pre-betrayal).
As they pass, they're close enough for the astonished bridge crew to see into the Haydonite ship's bridge, where the crew there is gesturing at them(don't ask how they gesture without arms), the essence of which is along the lines of 'DON'T GO IN THE FAST LANE IF YOU'RE NOT %&^$^&$ GOING TO GO FAST, YOU $$%%*&$*!!!!!'. The Haydonite cruiser then passes them and zips out of sight, leaving the crew blinking their eyes...
Vince Grant just settles deeper in his captain's chair and grumbles, "Doesn't matter where you go, the speed limit is always set by the damn jerk right behind you..."

My vehicle use to be able to go in the HOV lane with just me in it. And the one that drove me up the wall were those cars that were going 65 in the HOVL while the rest of the freeway was doing 75+. So I though this quite a few times. Especially since you are not technically suppose to exit the HOVL over the double sets of double yellow lines.
It is easier to go around said cars when in the normal lanes.
.

taalismn look at both the Blue highlighting in the above quote.
----------------------
:

Gotcha.
But I should hope you never considered taking your eyes off the road just to communicate your displeasure.
I figure if I'm going to be a jerk on the road for whatever reason, I'll be the impersonal, non-communicative("I either cannot hear/see you, or else you are beneath my notice/contempt") sort of jerk, rather than compound the problem by inviting road rage.


And....

Lisa's TL hobby
ways to get LMM from meeting Rick(continued)

75: Arrange annual physical to coincide with his recruitment physical. Arrange to be locked in the same exam room with only one paper gown between us. No WAY is he going back to her after seeing what I got.

75a: Forget about the paper gown. And work on an excuse to explain why a military doctor's exam room has an ice bucket and champagne magnum sitting in it.

101: Special delivery to the Zentraedi: one bound and gagged future idol singer

112: On Launch Day, divert his plane to an auxiliary field at the other end of the island, and have him personally escorted directly to the Fortress.

113: After the aerobatics stunt, have the other VFs escort him in to be arrested. Bail him out later.

116: Just before he makes the 'Old Sourpuss' remark, flash him over the private commline. Like he'll be thinking of HER after that....

225: After he sets down, temporarily blind him with a laser pointer from the upper deck of the SDF-1. When he can see again, make sure I'm the first thing he sees.

227: Hypnosis. Give him a mental blind spot where she should be.

325: Hunt up his air show BEFORE he comes to the SDF-1 Launch Day. Become his older, but always there, girlfriend.

[Alpha 11]

Rick's in bed, asleep in his quarters.
*RING#RING*
"...grkkk...ung...hello?"
Vince: ("..552?")
Rick: "Turned inside out by a mis-calibrated Fold Drive."
Vince:( "...uh...1111?")
Rick: "Explosive pacemaker with a random trigger timer...Vince, it's three pee-eem, for crying out loud! Give it a rest, already, or do I have to start a NEW list, starting with 'Telling Vince Grant's wife that he's harassing his best friend at ungodly hours when everybody should be sleeping'?!"
Vince: ("Ah...good night, Rick!")
"Goodnight."
*Click*

The Icarus is soaring through Fold Space all by itself, the crew just minding their own business, when suddenly a Haydonite cruiser pulls up around from behind them and proceeds to pass them(this is pre-betrayal).
As they pass, they're close enough for the astonished bridge crew to see into the Haydonite ship's bridge, where the crew there is gesturing at them(don't ask how they gesture without arms), the essence of which is along the lines of 'DON'T GO IN THE FAST LANE IF YOU'RE NOT %&^$^&$ GOING TO GO FAST, YOU $$%%*&$*!!!!!'. The Haydonite cruiser then passes them and zips out of sight, leaving the crew blinking their eyes...
Vince Grant just settles deeper in his captain's chair and grumbles, "Doesn't matter where you go, the speed limit is always set by the damn jerk right behind you..."

My vehicle use to be able to go in the HOV lane with just me in it. And the one that drove me up the wall were those cars that were going 65 in the HOVL while the rest of the freeway was doing 75+. So I though this quite a few times. Especially since you are not technically suppose to exit the HOVL over the double sets of double yellow lines.
It is easier to go around said cars when in the normal lanes.
.

taalismn look at both the Blue highlighting in the above quote.
----------------------
:

Gotcha.
But I should hope you never considered taking your eyes off the road just to communicate your displeasure.
I figure if I'm going to be a jerk on the road for whatever reason, I'll be the impersonal, non-communicative("I either cannot hear/see you, or else you are beneath my notice/contempt") sort of jerk, rather than compound the problem by inviting road rage.


And....

Lisa's TL hobby
ways to get LMM from meeting Rick(continued)

75: Arrange annual physical to coincide with his recruitment physical. Arrange to be locked in the same exam room with only one paper gown between us. No WAY is he going back to her after seeing what I got.

75a: Forget about the paper gown. And work on an excuse to explain why a military doctor's exam room has an ice bucket and champagne magnum sitting in it.

101: Special delivery to the Zentraedi: one bound and gagged future idol singer

112: On Launch Day, divert his plane to an auxiliary field at the other end of the island, and have him personally escorted directly to the Fortress.

113: After the aerobatics stunt, have the other VFs escort him in to be arrested. Bail him out later.

116: Just before he makes the 'Old Sourpuss' remark, flash him over the private commline. Like he'll be thinking of HER after that....

225: After he sets down, temporarily blind him with a laser pointer from the upper deck of the SDF-1. When he can see again, make sure I'm the first thing he sees.

227: Hypnosis. Give him a mental blind spot where she should be.

325: Hunt up his air show BEFORE he comes to the SDF-1 Launch Day. Become his older, but always there, girlfriend.

[drewkitty ~..~]

Rick's Hobby (continued)
28: Have Edwards arrested and sent to a "undisclosed location" and only feed him "edwards smoothies" made from bits of himself.

1012: Out the airlock with only minmay ("how did that get.... Lisa you've been hacking my list again!")

13: Flamethrower in the middle of no-where.

2: A friendly fire incident.

192: Stored in a con-x on the slow boat to china.

345: Death of the 1,000,000 paper cuts. "Only other time loopers invited."

280: Inside the body of a LRM "Test Fired" into the sun.

2012: Locked in a block of carbon and buried on the moon standing upright. -.a orbiting around jupiter, -.a.1 de-orbited into jupiter, -.b buried in a swamp.

[taalismn]

Rick's Hobby (continued)192: Stored in a con-x on the slow boat to china.
.

193: Stored in a con-x on the slow(non-FTL) cargo module to Vega.

[drewkitty ~..~]

Rick's Hobby (continued)192: Stored in a con-x on the slow boat to china.
.

193: Stored in a con-x on the slow(non-FTL) cargo module to Vega.

Viva Los Vega

[taalismn]

Rick's Hobby (continued)192: Stored in a con-x on the slow boat to china.
.

193: Stored in a con-x on the slow(non-FTL) cargo module to Vega.

Viva Los Vega

Sign on Moon: "Last Rest Stop for the Next 25 Light Years."

[Alpha 11]

Rick's Hobby (continued)
28: Have Edwards arrested and sent to a "undisclosed location" and only feed him "edwards smoothies" made from bits of himself.

1012: Out the airlock with only minmay ("how did that get.... Lisa you've been hacking my list again!")

13: Flamethrower in the middle of no-where.

2: A friendly fire incident.

192: Stored in a con-x on the slow boat to china.

345: Death of the 1,000,000 paper cuts. "Only other time loopers invited."

280: Inside the body of a LRM "Test Fired" into the sun.

2012: Locked in a block of carbon and buried on the moon standing upright. -.a orbiting around jupiter, -.a.1 de-orbited into jupiter, -.b buried in a swamp.

Rick's Hobby (continued)192: Stored in a con-x on the slow boat to china.
.

193: Stored in a con-x on the slow(non-FTL) cargo module to Vega.

Viva Los Vega

Sign on Moon: "Last Rest Stop for the Next 25 Light Years."

[batlchip]

Rick hobby (continued)299:Face hugger in his quarters.
589:Death by folding bed.
895:Do these tacos tast funny to you?
790:Limpit mine over his door way.
278:locked in a room filled with Breetai's used gym socks.

[taalismn]

Jean Grant: "Hi, Rick! Vince asked me to ask you about '663'?"
Rick: "Mauled to death by kittens."
Jean: "-?-. Some sort of bizarre code?"
Rick: "Hobby of mine. What to do to T.R. Edwards if I have the chance. I have them numbered."
Jean: "Oh...so...823?"
Rick: "Chained in the middle of a burning Chinese fireworks factory."
Jean: "...right...And 921?"
Rick: "Where can I find a barrel of piranha on short notice?"
Jean: "I'm sure Vince would help you with that. 666?"
Rick: "Sacrifice him to Zhul."
Jean: "That's...disturbing. Lisa know about this hobby of yours?"
Rick: "She's miffed I'm only up to 3312."

[Alpha 11]

Rick hobby (continued)299:Face hugger in his quarters.
589:Death by folding bed.
895:Do these tacos tast funny to you?
790:Limpit mine over his door way.
278:locked in a room filled with Breetai's used gym socks.

Jean Grant: "Hi, Rick! Vince asked me to ask you about '663'?"
Rick: "Mauled to death by kittens."
Jean: "-?-. Some sort of bizarre code?"
Rick: Hobby of mine. What to do to T.R. Edwards if I have the chance. I have them numbered."
Jean: "Oh...so...823?"
Rick: "Chained in the middle of a burning Chinese fireworks factory."
Jean: "...right...And 921?"
Rick: "Where can I find a barrel of piranha on short notice?"
Jean: "I'm sure Vince would help you with that. 666?"
Rick: "Sacrifice him to Zhul."
Jean: "Thats...disturbing. Lisa know about this hobby of yours?"
Rick: "She's miffed I'm only up to 3312."

[taalismn]

Rick and Lisa are walking along, hand in hand, when Jean Grant comes up beside them.
After a moment, Rick turns to her.
Rick: "Go ahead, ask. Either Vince asked you or your own curiousity is gnawing at you."
Jean: (looking chagrined) "Ah...444?"
Rick: "Haven't figured out how to get the deranged Cape Bufalo into his apartment closet."
Jean shakes her head.
Jean: "Okay, okay, and for my curiousity; 1517?"
Rick: "Kicked to death by giant baby-booties."
Lisa: "That was my suggestion."

[Alpha 11]

Rick and Lisa are walking along, hand in hand, when Jean Grant comes up beside them.
After a moment, Rick turns to her.
Rick: "Go ahead, ask. Either Vince asked you or your own curiousity is gnawing at you."
Jean: (looking chagrined) "Ah...444?"
Rick: "Haven't figured out how to get the deranged Cape Bufalo into his apartment closet."
Jean shakes her head.
Jean: "Okay, okay, and for my curiousity; 1517?"
Rick: "Kicked to death by giant baby-booties."
Lisa: "That was my suggestion."

[taalismn]

"Rick, does Lisa suggest a lot of the additions to your list?"
"Only when she thinks I'm not trying hard enough."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, like several hundred reiterations on the 'punched by..' or 'kicked to death by...' that starts getting into a rut, and then she suggests something like 445."
"And what, pray tell, is that?"
"'Castrated without an anesthestic and using a cigar cutter'. Used to be her father's cigar cutter, but she changed it to a DULL cigar cutter. Yeah, Lisa has some strong feelings where Edwards is concerned."
" "
"And that's one of her KINDER ones. The rest are pretty much lock away the children and not work-safe if they're to be discussed at all."

[Alpha 11]

"Rick, does Lisa suggest a lot of the additions to your list?"
"Only when she thinks I'm not trying hard enough."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, like several hundred reiterations on the 'punched by..' or 'kicked to death by...' that starts getting into a rut, and then she suggests something like 445."
"And what, pray tell, is that?"
"'Castrated without an anesthestic and using a cigar cutter'. Used to be her father's cigar cutter, but she changed it to a DULL cigar cutter. Yeah, Lisa has some strong feelings where Edwards is concerned."
" "
"And that's one of her KINDER ones. The rest are pretty much lock away the children and not work-safe if they're to be discussed at all."

Wow.

[taalismn]

"Oh DAMN! I can't believe I got killed by that damn brat! Even though it was that aNdroid ##### that tricked me, it's still Hunter's fault! How disgusting! How undignified, getting SHOT by those two!"
ACTUALLY, THAT'S FAIRLY DIGNIFIED A WAY TO GO, AS WAYS TO GO CAN BE TERMED AS DIGNIFIED.
"I GOT MUTATED THEN -SHOT-!!!! BY FOKKER'S ADOPTED BRAT!!!! HOW CAN ANYTHING BE LESS DIGNIFIED TO A MAN LIKE ME!!!! And who the hell are you to lecture ME, huh?"
I'LL ANSWER THAT LAST QUESTION FIRST; I AM AN EXPERT ON DEATH. YOU MIGHT SAY I AM -THE- EXPERT ON DEATH, AND BY ASSOCIATION, DYING. NOW 482, 774, 2841, AND 2888...-THOSE- WERE UNDIGNIFIED WAYS TO DIE."
"What the HELL are you jibbering about?! Those numbers are meaningless to me!"
482--CHOKED ON DIRTY DIAPERS, 774---RECTALLY PROBED TO DEATH BY YOUR OWN DRUNKEN PHYSICIAN USING WHAT HE -THOUGHT- WAS A FIBER OPTIC SCOPE, 2841 INVOLVED FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND 2888 REQUIRED YOUR PERSONAL WASHROOM TO BE CLEANSED AFTERWARDS WITH -FIRE-. NOW COME ALONG, MISTER EDWARDS; THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE YOU MIGHT FIND FAMILIAR WAITING TO MEET YOU...AGAIN.

[Alpha 11]

"Oh DAMN! I can't believe I got killed by that damn brat! Even though it was that aNdroid ##### that tricked me, it's still Hunter's fault! How disgusting! How undignified, getting SHOT by those two!"
ACTUALLY, THAT'S FAIRLY DIGNIFIED A WAY TO GO, AS WAYS TO GO CAN BE TERMED AS DIGNIFIED.
"I GOT MUTATED THEN -SHOT-!!!! BY FOKKER'S ADOPTED BRAT!!!! HOW CAN ANYTHING BE LESS DIGNIFIED TO A MAN LIKE ME!!!! And who the hell are you to lecture ME, huh?"
I'LL ANSWER THAT LAST QUESTION FIRST; I AM AN EXPERT ON DEATH. YOU MIGHT SAY I AM -THE- EXPERT ON DEATH, AND BY ASSOCIATION, DYING. NOW 482, 774, 2841, AND 2888...-THOSE- WERE UNDIGNIFIED WAYS TO DIE."
"What the HELL are you jibbering about?! Those numbers are meaningless to me!"
482--CHOKED ON DIRTY DIAPERS, 774---RECTALLY PROBED TO DEATH BY YOUR OWN DRUNKEN PHYSICIAN USING WHAT HE -THOUGHT- WAS A FIBER OPTIC SCOPE, 2841 INVOLVED FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND 2888 REQUIRED YOUR PERSONAL WASHROOM TO BE CLEANSED AFTERWARDS WITH -FIRE-. NOW COME ALONG, MISTER EDWARDS; THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE YOU MIGHT FIND FAMILIAR WAITING TO MEET YOU...AGAIN.

[taalismn]

"888?"
"Fatal sex with a wildebeast."
"777?"
"Head exploded by ultra-high frequency and decibel playing of Minmei's 'We Will Win.""
"1011?"
"We go fishing for giant squid. Guess what we're using for bait?"
"....2222?"
"The great ballet 'Le Morte T.R.' with the guest of honor literally getting sandbagged."
"Ah! 1101!"
"Amusing, but where are we going to get genetically engineered mutant attack Yorkshire Terriers?"
"I'll ask around. Maybe Lang knows something or somebody?"
"If he can't get yorkies, we'll settle for dachshunds."

[Alpha 11]

"888?"
"Fatal sex with a wildebeast."
"777?"
"Head exploded by ultra-high frequency and decibel playing of Minmei's 'We Will Win.""
"1011?"
"We go fishing for giant squid. Guess what we're using for bait?"
"....2222?"
"The great ballet 'Le Morte T.R.' with the guest of honor literally getting sandbagged."
"Ah! 1101!"
"Amusing, but where are we going to get genetically engineered mutant attack Yorkshire Terriers?"
"I'll ask around. Maybe Lang knows something or somebody?"
"If he can't get yorkies, we'll settle for dachshunds."

[taalismn]

"At last, Hunter! I've LIVED for this day! Dreamed of finally giving you what you deserve! Dreamed of all the ways I wanted to kill you! And now, at last!"
"That's nice, Edwards. How many ways did you come up with?"
"Oh, countless ways!"
"Ballpark figure?"
""Oh, about a thousand."
"Piker."
"Wha...?"
"Between me and Lisa we came up with about seven thousand, easy. Don't know about Max and Miriya; you're not exactly one of their obsessions, but young Vince has quite a collection started of his own. You're hardly trying."
"What do you mean, Hunter?! I have you at my mercy!"
"Seven-forty-Four."
"What?!"
"That's the number of this scenario. The scenario where I've pre-emptively poisoned all your squadron members with a hypnotic suggestion that will leave them all paralyzed upon the mention of the phrase 'Renoir's bannanas'."
"You're joking! No such thing exists! It's a pathetic ploy to buy yourself time, Hunter, and guess what, it isn't going to work!"
(thunkthunkthunkcrashclatterouchwhud)
"..."
"And your link to the Invid Brain has been severed by the expediency of forcefeeding it a loop of 'Louie, Louie'."
"You lie, Hunter! Invid! KILL HIM...what do you mean, Louie Louie, me gotta go ,Louie Louie, me gotta go ?!"
"And THIS is where I beat you to death with a collapsible battle axe..."
"What... *WUNCH* "

[Alpha 11]

"At last, Hunter! I've LIVED for this day! Dreamed of finally giving you what you deserve! Dreamed of all the ways I wanted to kill you! And now, at last!"
"That's nice, Edwards. How many ways did you come up with?"
"Oh, countless ways!"
"Ballpark figure?"
""Oh, about a thousand."
"Piker."
"Wha...?"
"Between me and Lisa we came up with about seven thousand, easy. Don't know about Max and Miriya; you're not exactly one of their obsessions, but young Vince has quite a collection started of his own. You're hardly trying."
"What do you mean, Hunter?! I have you at my mercy!"
"Seven-forty-Four."
"What?!"
"That's the number of this scenario. The scenario where I've pre-emptively poisoned all your squadron members with a hypnotic suggestion that will leave them all paralyzed upon the mention of the phrase 'Renoir's bannanas'."
"You're joking! No such thing exists! It's a pathetic ploy to buy yourself time, Hunter, and guess what, it isn't going to work!"
(thunkthunkthunkcrashclatterouchwhud)
"..."
"And your link to the Invid Brain has been severed by the expediency of forcefeeding it a loop of 'Louie, Louie'."
"You lie, Hunter! Invid! KILL HIM...what do you mean, Louie Louie, me gotta go ,Louie Louie, me gotta go ?!"
"And THIS is where I beat you to death with a collapsible battle axe..."
"What... *WUNCH* "

[taalismn]

"^#$#$!!! %&^$$$##$@!!! Killed by that punk Hunter AGAIN!!! What is this, number three already?"
ACTUALLY IT'S 744. WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?

[Alpha 11]

"^#$#$!!! %&^$$$##$@!!! Killed by that punk Hunter AGAIN!!! What is this, number three already?"
ACTUALLY IT'S 744. WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?

[taalismn]

“Would you believe it?!!!! All this time I’ve been plotting against that brat Hunter and that treacherous pipsqueak and his daddy’s girl of a wife have been compiling a list of ways to kill ME!!!! ARRGGHHH!! What did I ever do to deserve that sort of disrespect!!???? And WHY do they GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!??? They get in my way, ruin my plans, arrogantly and ignorantly get away with hosing me, and they still have time to come up with over six thousand ways to kill me off?!!! What is WRONG with the universe?!!!”
“Oh, shut up, Edwards...like you’re the only person here who’s got a whack-list compiled about them?!”
“Yeah, what’s your list up to anyways? Eight thousand? And most of them coming from your own son! Bahahahahahahaahha!!!!”
”Shut up, Keele; I can think of TEN THOUSAND ways to kill you before lunch!”
”Right, Gendo, I’ve doodled better ways to kill YOU on my bathroom walls!”
”Hah! I have you ALL beat! My underlings appreciate my personal management so much that finding ways to kill me is our only growth industry!”
“...ah...who’s this pointed haired moron?”
”I thought he was with you, Gendo.”

[Alpha 11]

“Would you believe it?!!!! All this time I’ve been plotting against that brat Hunter and that treacherous pipsqueak and his daddy’s girl of a wife have been compiling a list of ways to kill ME!!!! ARRGGHHH!! What did I ever do to deserve that sort of disrespect!!???? And WHY do they GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!??? They get in my way, ruin my plans, arrogantly and ignorantly get away with hosing me, and they still have time to come up with over six thousand ways to kill me off?!!! What is WRONG with the universe?!!!”
“Oh, shut up, Edwards...like you’re the only person here who’s got a whack-list compiled about them?!”
“Yeah, what’s your list up to anyways? Eight thousand? And most of them coming from your own son! Bahahahahahahaahha!!!!”
”Shut up, Keele; I can think of TEN THOUSAND ways to kill you before lunch!”
”Right, Gendo, I’ve doodled better ways to kill YOU on my bathroom walls!”
”Hah! I have you ALL beat! My underlings appreciate my personal management so much that finding ways to kill me is our only growth industry!”
“...ah...who’s this pointed haired moron?”
”I thought he was with you, Gendo.”

[taalismn]

Alice's Boss-Kill List:
....
...325: Fist of Death
...326: Fist of Death
...327: Fist of Death
...328: Fist of Death
...329: Fist of Death
...330: Fist of Death
...331: Fist of Death
...332: Fist of Death
...333: Fist of Death
....

[Alpha 11]

Alice's Boss-Kill List:
....
...325: Fist of Death
...326: Fist of Death
...327: Fist of Death
...328: Fist of Death
...329: Fist of Death
...330: Fist of Death
...331: Fist of Death
...332: Fist of Death
...333: Fist of Death
....

[drewkitty ~..~]

Alice's Boss-Kill List (cont.)
....
...425: Other Fist of Death
...426: Other Fist of Death
...427: Other Fist of Death
...428: Other Fist of Death
...429: Other Fist of Death
...430: Other Fist of Death
...431: Other Fist of Death
...432: Other Fist of Death
...433: Other Fist of Death
....

[taalismn]

Okay, the recent 'blip' in the website seems to have eaten the last few hours of posts, so again...


Wally's Boss-Kill List:

....
....
....
....
....







Repeated efforts to get Wally to submit his list, a list, any list, or any work of ANY kind have repeatedly met with excuses, put-offs, counter-claims, alibis, delays, outright lies and evasions, such that five moderators, and three on-line reminder programs(including a Tirolian AI) have been driven to near-suicidal levels of frustration. Further attempts to coerce Wally to produce his list have been permanently put on hold, pending research into the best methods to penetrate Wally's absolute apathy when it comes to any sort of productivity.

[batlchip]

1,257:Eating Misato's cooking.
1,258:Chained to a rabid Pikachu.(Gotta love Dogbart)
1,259:Set up on a blind date with medusa.(Thanks need to go out to Alice for setting this up.)

[taalismn]

"Okay, so lemme get this straight...2899 is strangulation with string cheese? How the hell did you come up with that one?!"
"Edwards interrupted a nice Italian dinner between me and Lisa just to whine and complain about some trivial matter or other, like the buttons on his uniform being red gold, not white gold, which took about an hour of our lives we ain't getting back, and it took a bottle of wine, two pens, and a napkin to get the mood back."
"Two pens and a napkin...?"
"Yeah, would you believe it? Figuring out how to kill Edwards is actually an aphrodisiac under the right conditions."Especially after Lisa spent those several time loops as a ninja...
"Not sure I wanna explore THAT angle. Italian, huh? I'm not sure I wanna know what you intended with the breadsticks or pasta."
"Or the tomatoes. Or the tomato sauce."
"Please, Rick, I want to be able to have dinner with my wife without thinking of how many ways the main course could be used to kill somebody."
"You have much to learn, Grasshopper."

[Alpha 11]

Alice's Boss-Kill List (cont.)
....
...425: Other Fist of Death
...426: Other Fist of Death
...427: Other Fist of Death
...428: Other Fist of Death
...429: Other Fist of Death
...430: Other Fist of Death
...431: Other Fist of Death
...432: Other Fist of Death
...433: Other Fist of Death
....

Okay, the recent 'blip' in the website seems to have eaten the last few hours of posts, so again...


Wally's Boss-Kill List:

....
....
....
....
....







Repeated efforts to get Wally to submit his list, a list, any list, or any work of ANY kind have repeatedly met with excuses, put-offs, counter-claims, alibis, delays, outright lies and evasions, such that five moderators, and three on-line reminder programs(including a Tirolian AI) have been driven to near-suicidal levels of frustration. Further attempts to coerce Wally to produce his list have been permanently put on hold, pending research into the best methods to penetrate Wally's absolute apathy when it comes to any sort of productivity.

1,257:Eating Misato's cooking.
1,258:Chained to a rabid Pikachu.(Gotta love Dogbart)
1,259:Set up on a blind date with medusa.(Thanks need to go out to Alice for setting this up.)

"Okay, so lemme get this straight...2899 is strangulation with string cheese? How the hell did you come up with that one?!"
"Edwards interrupted a nice Italian dinner between me and Lisa just to whine and complain about some trivial matter or other, like the buttons on his uniform being red gold, not white gold, which took about an hour of our lives we ain't getting back, and it took a bottle of wine, two pens, and a napkin to get the mood back."
"Two pens and a napkin...?"
"Yeah, would you believe it? Figuring out how to kill Edwards is actually an aphrodisiac under the right conditions."Especially after Lisa spent those several time loops as a ninja...
"Not sure I wanna explore THAT angle. Italian, huh? I'm not sure I wanna know what you intended with the breadsticks or pasta."
"Or the tomatoes. Or the tomato sauce."
"Please, Rick, I want to be able to have dinner with my wife without thinking of how many ways the main course could be used to kill somebody."
"You have much to learn, Grasshopper."

[taalismn]

(general humor)

Techno-Tantrum(n.)---1. A spot nervous breakdown or conniption fit brought on, and directed at, misbehaving/uncooperative technology. Can include begging/pleading with the mechanism in question to work, calling upon divine powers to get the mechanism in question to work, crying, swearing, regression to infantile lack of self-control(stopping just short of soiling oneself), culminating in threatening and spastic acts of destruction aimed at the mechanism(kicking the tires, throwing the computer mouse across the room, tossing the TV monitor out the window, etc.) before the rational high-tech tool user re-asserts control. 2. What Louie Nichols, Emil Lang, Doctor Miles Cochrane, and Lunk have in common when nobody's looking.

[taalismn]

regression to infantile lack of self-control(stopping just short of soiling oneself),

This isn't limited to stopping short of soiling oneself. I remember a certain party where a friend of mine (who was completely ****-faced) was frustrated at a video game. He hefted the controller to throw it and as he exerted himself to throw, well...you get the idea.

I'd disallow it on the grounds that alcohol was a contributing factor. A proper techno-tantrum takes you from perfect sober rationality to total bawling frustration by sheer annoyance alone. Enough alcohol, it's hard to tell if it was the technology alone that drove your friend to lose control, temper-wise and colon-wise

[Alpha 11]

(general humor)

Techno-Tantrum(n.)---1. A spot nervous breakdown or conniption fit brought on, and directed at, misbehaving/uncooperative technology. Can include begging/pleading with the mechanism in question to work, calling upon divine powers to get the mechanism in question to work, crying, swearing, regression to infantile lack of self-control(stopping just short of soiling oneself), culminating in threatening and spastic acts of destruction aimed at the mechanism(kicking the tires, throwing the computer mouse across the room, tossing the TV monitor out the window, etc.) before the rational high-tech tool user re-asserts control. 2. What Louie Nichols, Emil Lang, Doctor Miles Cochrane, and Lunk have in common when nobody's looking.

regression to infantile lack of self-control(stopping just short of soiling oneself),

This isn't limited to stopping short of soiling oneself. I remember a certain party where a friend of mine (who was completely ****-faced) was frustrated at a video game. He hefted the controller to throw it and as he exerted himself to throw, well...you get the idea.

[taalismn]

"Mister Fokker! What brings you to me?"
"Lang, it's the Veritech. It's making that sound again."
"What sound?"
"You know, THAT sound!"
"What sound in specific? Functional Veritechs make lots of sounds."
"You know what I'm talking about! The eeh-uhw-bippity-bippity-CHURANG-kuncha-kunchaDURRRRaaannnngggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! sound!"
"Oh, THAT sound."
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"Fokker, we went over your plane for a WEEK with the most sensitive instruments we have! We couldn't get it to make that noise! I can't fix what I don't know is broken!"
"But the noise is there! I HEARD it!"
"I don't doubt you hear it, but if we can't figure out what it is, it could be one of a thousand things causing a noise like that!"
"When CAN you figure it out?!"
"Fokker, I just don't know! Like I said, could be one of a-"
"...thousand things, yeah, I heard."
"We simply need to take it into the shop and run it until we can figure it out."
"But I NEED my plane!"
"You'll just have to rent...or do without. Sorry."

[Alpha 11]

"Mister Fokker! What brings you to me?"
"Lang, it's the Veritech. It's making that sound again."
"What sound?"
"You know, THAT sound!"
"What sound in specific? Functional Veritechs make lots of sounds."
"You know what I'm talking about! The eeh-uhw-bippity-bippity-CHURANG-kuncha-kunchaDURRRRaaannnngggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! sound!"
"Oh, THAT sound."
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"Fokker, we went over your plane for a WEEK with the most sensitive instruments we have! We couldn't get it to make that noise! I can't fix what I don't know is broken!"
"But the noise is there! I HEARD it!"
"I don't doubt you hear it, but if we can't figure out what it is, it could be one of a thousand things causing a noise like that!"
"When CAN you figure it out?!"
"Fokker, I just don't know! Like I said, could be one of a ,,,"
"...thousand things, yeah, I heard."
"We simply need to take it into the ship and run it until we can figure it out."
"But I NEED my plane!"
"You';; just have to rent...or do without. Sorry."

Ok, what is it?

[drewkitty ~..~]

"Mister Fokker! What brings you to me?"
"Lang, it's the Veritech. It's making that sound again."
"What sound?"
"You know, THAT sound!"
.....snip

Sounds like Lang has a twisted sense of humor to say all of that with a strait face. When he put that noise in there just to mess with his old chum.
------------------------------
Dr. Lang's list for getting rid of Edwards.
01. Give his mother contraceptives so the problem never gets started.

[taalismn]

"Mister Fokker! What brings you to me?"
"Lang, it's the Veritech. It's making that sound again."
"What sound?"
"You know, THAT sound!"
.....snip

Sounds like Lang has a twisted sense of humor to say all of that with a strait face. When he put that noise in there just to mess with his old chum.
------------------------------
Dr. Lang's list for getting rid of Edwards.
01. Give his mother contraceptives so the problem never gets started.

Actually, it's almost verbatim what my mechanic said(substitute 'stall' for 'sound'---my car has narcolepsy). They STILL haven't found anything wrong, so I now have to take it to ANOTHER shop, this time specializing in Hondas, in order to have them look at it...the day before I'm due to go on a short vacation(and thus would eb out of touch)...Now, I can go on that bus trip and hope for the best, or I can save money, scrap the trip, spend the rest of the year seething, but be closer if they need to do something radical...either way, I think I'm going to be renting a ride for another week or so...
Can't say I'm not supporting my local garages and gas stations...

[taalismn]

Rick Hunter's 'How to Kill T.R. Edwards List' #56:
The Chicken Gun:
Establishing shot of a static Veritech test stand with an Alpha Fighter canopy mounted on it.
A large bore cannon-like device angles to aim at it, vapor streaming from it telling of some seriously cold gas under pressure behind it.
*BA-CHOK!*
"YAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
(Edwards, gagged and bound like a supermarket roaster, comes shooting out of the cannon, straight at the Alpha canopy, his flight caught in slow-mo by the high speed cameras surrounding the test stand)
##WWWUNNCCHH##