randomer item table

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:33 pm

#20. a living mink stole!

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:31 pm

#21. A Simvan rider mounted in a saddle riding a RT Valkyrie in Gyrwalk mode. It works and there is no pilot inside

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:32 pm

#22 A Simvan rider mounted in a saddle riding a MAC III. It is working and there is no crew inside.

Jefffar · Unread post by **Jefffar** » Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:21 pm

#23 A Simvan mounted on a . . . oh . . . maybe you should give them some privacy.

Kagashi · Unread post by **Kagashi** » Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:17 am

Jefffar wrote:#23 A Simvan moutned on a . . . oh . . . maybe you should give them some privacy.

*chuckle*

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:34 am

#24.

A box of Simvan sized prophylactics. Pack of 12, 11 are still sealed and unused, but the last one was replaced after use!

Ewww!

And you picked the box up and opened it!!

Yuk!!

Roll a save vs HF 14 or loose your lunch.

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:03 pm

#25.a gallion of flubber(the old kind that stank)

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:27 am

#26. What is semi-opaque white and comes in gallons?? :nh:

NO... its sillicone grease for large machinery like radar main drive gears. A whole gallon of it with a pack of latex gloves... watch out it eats through those.

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 6:31 am

#27. A box.

In the box is a 5 gallon bottle of veterinary lubricant, and a box of latex gloves that go right the way up to your shoulder!!

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 8:10 pm

CyCo wrote:#27. A box.

In the box is a 5 gallon bottle of veterinary lubricant, and a box of latex gloves that go right the way up to your shoulder!!

:shiver: yuck

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 8:13 pm

#28 You find what must be the uniform of a 60' tall giant trailling off to what must be a bed... you also find the uniform of a 6' tall humanoid trailing off to the same "bed". On the bed, which is really just a large flat stone slab you find nothing but a wet suit, and scuba gear...

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 5:44 am

Zer0 Kay wrote:#28 You find what must be the uniform of a 60' tall giant trailling off to what must be a bed... you also find the uniform of a 6' tall humanoid trailing off to the same "bed". On the bed, which is really just a large flat stone slab you find nothing but a wet suit, and scuba gear...

*blink blink*

You...went there. The image, it burns into my mind.

Arrggggg!!!!!

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:39 pm

CyCo wrote:
Zer0 Kay wrote:#28 You find what must be the uniform of a 60' tall giant trailling off to what must be a bed... you also find the uniform of a 6' tall humanoid trailing off to the same "bed". On the bed, which is really just a large flat stone slab you find nothing but a wet suit, and scuba gear...

*blink blink*

You...went there. The image, it burns into my mind.

Arrggggg!!!!!

What?? I didn't say anything. Nothing at all. You have a Dirty mind.

It could be worse... far worse. The giant uniform was a male's...

But still... I didn't say anything. I just took your hand and walked you over to the kitchen and set it on the running blender... your the one that put it in.

Jefffar · Unread post by **Jefffar** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:48 pm

#29 A blood spattered running blender

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 3:34 pm

Jefffar wrote:#29 A blood spattered running blender

HEY!!!! That was mi.... Awww man. Randomeer item Ninja strike!

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:12 am

#30.

You find a store. It sells spatulas. If you buy 9, you get the tenth one for just one penny.

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 11:50 pm

31-You find 1d10 animated cooking utensiles, not a spatula among them, yet they all claim "I am Spatula!"

Jefffar · Unread post by **Jefffar** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:35 am

32 A +1 Mace of Spatula Slaying

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:40 am

33- A +6 dagger of ogre slaying... and a tavern bill

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:11 am

#44

The Spork of Damocles!

llywelyn · Unread post by **llywelyn** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:37 pm

#45 A nondescript wooden box. Under the dust is stenciled:

TOP SECRET
ARMY INTEL 9906753
DO NOT OPEN!

Inside is the Ark of the Covenant.* If it is opened, it is found to be empty except for half of a 6000-year-old lobster. The lobster communicates telepathically and could really use a drink. It is skilled in Ancient Warfare (Ethiopian) at 98%.

[*No, this is not the original Ark, but the tourist copy Solomon gave to the Queen of Sheba.]

Shorty Lickens · Sun May 13, 2012 8:44 pm

#46

A beat up netbook from early 21st century, filled with pony porn from 4chan. It is otherwise useless.

Jefffar · Unread post by **Jefffar** » Sun May 13, 2012 8:58 pm

Shorty Lickens wrote:#46

A beat up netbook from early 21st century, filled with pony porn from 4chan. It is otherwise useless.

What makes you think that was useless in the first place . . . unless

#47 A computer program that decodes pony porn into the formula for Chromium armour.

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Mon May 14, 2012 10:50 am

#47.

A suit of Glitterboy armour, 'mint in box'. Never been used. The date on the crate reveals it to be from the Golden Age. But, it has digitgrade legs (dog legs). So, it can only be used by Dog Boys.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue May 15, 2012 6:43 pm

#48 Locked Official-looking Safety Deposit Box with High Tech Lock
Upon opening, a springloaded punching glove pops out and punches you in the face.
The glove can be reset for the next sucker to find.
Closer inspection will reveal a microdisc hidden behind a false bottom of the box, with '1,000 Best Practical Jokes of the World' on it, dated several days after the Coming of the Rifts.

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Fri May 18, 2012 2:11 am

Jefffar wrote:
Shorty Lickens wrote:#46

A beat up netbook from early 21st century, filled with pony porn from 4chan. It is otherwise useless.

What makes you think that was useless in the first place . . . unless

#47 A computer program that decodes pony porn into the formula for Chromium armour.

Wow so any pony porn reguardless of image translates into the formula for Chromium armour? :clown:

#49 A Box with a keyboard, that seems to have been discarded. It has the symbol of an apple with a bite taken out of it on the casing. You assume it must be a computer but it is rediculously slow and impossible to open so there is no way to upgrade it. You figure the symbol of the manufacturer must have been chosen because it looks good and works awesome at first but when it consumed/outdated you just chuck it like an apple. :lol:

Oddly enough you realize it still more powerful than your super high tech pocket computer...

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:26 am

53. A round house kick to the back of the head, your head explodes. Chuck Norris is looking for his beard.

Akashic Soldier · Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:08 am

Zer0 Kay wrote:53. A round house kick to the back of the head, your head explodes. Chuck Norris is looking for his beard.

"You're dead" should never be on a random table.

Retcon

53. A ruggedly handsome bearded man in a cryogenic freezing tube.

Chuck Norris however, should be.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:56 am

54. A regular wood cutting ax and flask of Holy Water.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:57 am

55. A black stove top hat.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:02 am

56. A pointed stick. You can attack someone with it instead of using fruit.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:05 am

57. A well dressed rabbit in a plaid waist coat with pocket watch goes running by. Seems to be in a great hurry.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:09 am

58. Step in a wad of sticky chewing gum.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:12 am

59. A blank journal like book with fountain pen and 8 ounce bottle of black ink. Book has 500 pages.

bigbobsr6000 · Unread post by **bigbobsr6000** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 8:17 am

60. A potted Aloe Plant. Pot is a 1 foot cube. Plant extends 1 foot high and 1 foot wide. Has a dozen spike leaves.

Jefffar · Unread post by **Jefffar** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:07 pm

61. A fan. A teenaged individual dressed in the character's merchandise* shows up and starts loudly screaming in joy. Will follow the character around for the next 1D6 hours asking for an autograph, asking to get their pictures taken together, offering to bear the character's love child and offering to assist the character if he goes to the bathroom.

* If character does not have a merchandise deal then someone is obviously ripping them off, great adventure hook.

glitterboy2098 · Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:15 pm

62. a laquered wooden box. inside you find a chunk of volcanic basalt, and a label on the lid saying "This one rock". apon reading the label, you will have a compulsion to find a way to destroy 'this one rock'. (GM note: the rock is a common peice of stone, with no special power)

Hystrix · Unread post by **Hystrix** » Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:12 pm

63. A Fed-Ex package with a very important letter. It weighs 1 lbs. It must be delivered to 1126 1/2 West Main Street, Buttsville (pronounced boots-vil), TX 44567-0022. DO NOT OPEN! It is post marked 21 December 2098, so note this letter is over 108,040 days late so HURRY!

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Thu Jul 26, 2012 6:29 am

#64.

A gecko shaped like a rock. How do you know it's a gecko if it's shaped like a rock? Well you pick it up and ask it. Duh!

8p

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:51 am

We gotta keep this going folks! 8]

#65

A beret with a 'whoopsie" in it. Yech!

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Thu Jan 17, 2013 5:11 am

#67

A robotic butler. When found, is turned off. When turned on, it constantly makes the lamest butt jokes. After turning it on, the on/off switch stops working. Only way to stop it is to destroy it. Whilst telling lame butt jokes, it will still follow commands, serve you dinner, etc. The only way to destroy it is to attack it relentlessly. Made of the rarest form of unobtanioum, it can take an infinite amount of damage. However, 10,000 successful attacks against it, regardless of damage caused, will cause it to explode, doing d100xd100 points of MD in a d100 radius.

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Sat May 04, 2013 7:02 am

#68

A box of used rubber batons. Keep your mind out of the gutter!! lol These are the rubber batons used by police when breaching doors in operations usually done by S.W.A.T. As such, these are fired by shotguns, usually at the point of the lock mechanism and/or hinges. The shotgun shells, gunpowder, and the shotgun are not found with these. In the box are 1D10x1d10 of the rubber batons.

Shorty Lickens · Fri Sep 06, 2013 7:44 pm

Shorty Lickens wrote:#54 (? Maybe?)

A Lesser Limitless Rod of Frost.
Casts magical homing frost bolts that do 6d6 SDC up to a range of 400 feet. The rod works an infinite number of times but once activated only lasts for 48 hours and then disintegrates. (1 bolt per melee action.)
Stay tuned for the Greater Limitless Rod of Frost later this evening.

(Sorry for the D&D-like item, but I was getting tired of all the silly crap on the list.)

#69

A Greater Limited Rod of Frost.
Casts magical homing frost bolts that do 10d6 SDC up to a range of 1000 feet. The rod works up to 50 times but once activated only lasts for 96 hours and then disintegrates. (1 bolt per melee action.)

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Sat Sep 07, 2013 10:24 am

#70.

A little dog, answers to Toto. Could be found anywhere, just not in Kansas. If in Kansas, reroll this result, or have a house land on your head instead.

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sun Sep 08, 2013 12:08 pm

71% a map of oz,not the land of oz,I mean the old name for australia!(not apilicaple IN australia mind you)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 12:48 pm

72% Box of Stale Donuts: cardboard box containing a dozen stale plain donuts. Thing is, you take out the donuts and close the box, open it up again, and there's..you guessed it...twelve stale donuts. It's the Infinitely Renewing Box of Stale Donuts.

Shorty Lickens · Mon Sep 09, 2013 9:10 pm

I bet at least one D-bee would murder kittens for stale donuts.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Sep 09, 2013 11:21 pm

73% 'Smartphone' ---A battered pre-Rifts personal smartphone. It is of high quality(would bring 2d4x100 credits even now), with hardened casing and advanced personal communications encryption, and even better, its memory has survived enough to show it belonged to a prominent pre-Rifts celebrity pop star. Its log, when decoded, shows several messages to various other artists, several 10-15 minute impromptu riffs of songs never released or WIPs, and a final message regarding a transfer of valuables to a new 'hard site' somewhere on the American West Coast. The inventory is fragmentary, and the location of the private bunker is not PRECISELY located, but what survives indicates the celebrity was stashing away some SERIOUS goods, including vehicles, worth quite a fortune if sold to the right people. Road trip time?

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:47 am

abe wrote:71% a map of oz,not the land of oz,I mean the old name for australia!(not apilicaple IN australia mind you)

Heh, we actually do refer to our own country as Oz. It's easier for most of the population to say than the full name. lol

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:57 am

# 74.

A 'dumb phone'. This appears exactly as the one above at result # 73, but as soon as you turn it on and go to make a call, all of a sudden you're in full 'blonde in meaningless discussion but is amazingly important to you, waving your spare arm around and talking loudly, making 'huh', 'um', 'oh yar' 'uhum', 'o really'' moments. You'll go on and on (and on, and on, and on, and on, and......), about absolutely nothing in particular (for 1d6 x 1d6 minutes). If someone leans in to hear the other person speaking, they won't be able to determine what they're saying, if it's male or female, accents or anything like that, but they will indeed hear someone on the other end of the line. If anyone tries to interrupt you, or to take the phone off of you, you'll give them the 'stern look' of unapproval. This person must make a Save vs a Fear Factor of 8 + 2d4. If they fail, they retreat away to at least 5 meters, or to the further point in the room if inside. If they make their save, they're compelled to still leave you alone, murmuring 'Sorry' under their breath when ever you look in their direction. When your call is finally over and you hang up, you instantly forget who you were talking to or what you were talking about, other than some vague recollection of a dog(boy?) in a pink handbag.