Things you DO NOT want to hear your Magic User say.....

[Sergil]

Oh, circles are round.

[Grug]

In my current campaign, There is a Fire Warlock played by my wife and a friend of ours plays a Air warlock and they love to work as a team.
Fire Warlock: I cast River of Lava!
Air Warlock: I cast Tornado!
They always do this back to back....

The whole party is in a 40x40 room, With the end boss. The Fire Warlocks first action."I make the biggest freaking wall of ice possible!" She was level seven at the time! lol

[gaby]

TW:I think it would wokr?

[Mallak's Place]

" I can cast Globe of Day Light in twelve different languages"

[Looonatic]

"Remember; Stop, drop and roll."

"The odds of teleporting into a solid object are astronomical!"

"What could possibly go wrong?"

"Ooh! A Glitter Boy!"

[SpiritInterface]

"Klaatu Barada N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N...
[coughs]
[pause] Okay... that's it!"

[Akashic Soldier]

"Hey guys I think my cause disease spell can give people cancer!"

"Dude, who needs armor of Ithan, I got cleanse man....CLEANSE!"

I have had a player use that spell to save his life four times now (he doesn't have Armor of Ithan either ironically.) Seriously, four times. Each time I was like... you do what?! If I wasn't GMing it I wouldn't have ever believed it.

Freaking Cleanse...
And don't even get me started on freaking Trance of Death, its proved just as troublesome.

EDIT: And YES each time I rewarded him with extra Experience for the creative use of a spell *mumbles*

[SpiritInterface]

Yes guys, I said that last component we need to finish the ritual to save the world is a Dragon fart...

[Shawn Merrow]

Who drew the short straw for the human sacrifice?

[abe]

stinky picky doo!!!!!!!!!!!

[calto40k]

Oh eternal horrors grant me your greatest beast bring me forth the foul wretch known throughout the galaxies as SNOOKI

[JuliusCreed]

Oops! My bad! Sorry! Just roll around in the dirt, you'll be fine...

[taalismn]

"Patty-cake, patty-cake...."

"I need the blood of a virgin for this...ARTERIAL blood..."

"Ah, it's easy! First I open myself to the supernatural like so-"

"Yeah, it's a Spell of Legend, and I'm only second level, but I got the scroll right here, and as long as I read it all right, so we should be all right...hmmm...this writing's pretty crooked...no matter, it's magic..."

"Don't worry about a thing. I'm a PROFESSIONAL practitioner of magick!"

"I'm a WIZZARD!"

"Hmmm...THis translates as 'Beast of Shadows'...or maybe it can mean 'LORD of Shadows'..."

"Don't worry! I got a receipt with the scroll!"

"The area of total obliteration with this spell is fairly tightly contained."

"There's a SMALL chance of this spell eating our souls, but only a small chance..."

"You guys are all fireproof, right?"

[Chronicle]

"I cast Magic missle......."

"I cast anihilate on the glitter boy (while in point blank)."

"this Dragon won't kill us i will just put a carpent of adhesion on it" (forgetting that they can teleport)

In a group of mostly magic classes someone decided to put up an antimagic cloud

[taalismn]

Summoner: "Oh crap, it's a LOT bigger than I thought it would be..."

"Or was the duration SIXTY seconds....?"

"Oh, crud...I HATE having to convert calculations to metric...."

"I'm going to need a small child for this next part. You don;t mind if you don't get it back, do you?"

"Oh come on, you big wuss! It's PERFECTLY safe!"

"I only need to hold that Alien Intelligence back for thirty seconds. Piece of cake!"

"My wards are UNBREAKABLE!"

"OKay...powdered milk is NOT a proper substitute for pulverized dragon bone...."

"I may have added a TAD too much demon blood...."

"Yeah, I'm a mage! What are you techno-pansies going to do about it, huh?"

"Don;t worry, I got this demon eating out of my hand!"

[Khanibal]

Low-level mage: "I got this!"

High-level Mage: "Screw it. I wasn't planning on living forever anyway."

[JuliusCreed]

Right as the group gets attacked...
"... uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... "

[abe]

the theme song to "barney"!

[Secondhand Smoke]

"OMG!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!!! I freaking blew it up! Just by pointing at it, all that fire and everything, was sooo sweeet.... What d'you mean actions have consequences?? Ah screw it no one cares about orphans"

[JuliusCreed]

"OMG!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!!! I freaking blew it up! Just by pointing at it, all that fire and everything, was sooo sweeet.... What d'you mean actions have consequences?? Ah screw it no one cares about orphans"

orphans....

[Voodoolaw]

The Ley Line Walker, wearing an amulet he acquired in the first adventure that had apparently banished a demon by some unknown mechanism, is using his newly acquired rune dagger that he is positive steals PPE from his victims.

Line Walker to the GM:

What exactly dooo you mean by "You don't receive any PPE from the dagger but your amulet glows a crimson red and you hear an unearthly voice inside your head saying 'SERVE ME'?"

[calto40k]

I swear I didn't know it would do that to your face

[drewkitty ~..~]

I swear I didn't know it would do that to your face

[calto40k]

Hi my name is Chris and I'll be your tech wizard

[calto40k]

bippity boppity boooooh $%# um uh uh um...... uh boom boom pow uh boom boom pow<said exactly like the club owner in ticked off trannies with knives when he teaches the "girls" how to be awesome martial arts masters>

[calto40k]

Oh hai dawgy ala tommy wisseau to a hellhound or some other dog like beast

[abe]

(after vomiting)toss cookies!

[Johnathan]

Personal experiences:

Don't open tha-uh oh...

Ooooh pretty... *gazing at a rift*

What do you mean, "I can't do that"? watch this!

**** guys! Fire ze missiles!

So... I learned this new spell... The guy said something about 'nasty side effects' but let's see how this goes. *casts sourcerous fury*

*after sourcerous fury is over and everything has been thoroughly destroyed* Um... Oops?