Robotech Blooper Reels

[taalismn]

"I don't see why I am engaging in this barbaric ritual..."
#"IN THIS CORNER, IN THE ORANGE TRUNKS, REPRESENTING THE INVID COMMONALITY-"#
"Not that I have any objection to beating upon the inferior lifeforms-"
#"WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED SIXTY POUNDS-"#
"But there are far more efficient ways of exterminating the human vermin-"
#"THE MARTIAL WARRIOR CORG!"#
"-so let's just get this sideshow over, and let me proceed to the REAL work of extermination-"
#"AND IN THIS CORNER, IN THE GREEN TRUNKS-"#
"-because I feel no need-"
#"WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS-"#
"-to prove my natural superiority to these lower life forms-"
#" -THE REIGNING ZENTRAEDI GRAND FLEET MARTIAL CHAMPION BREETAI KRIDANIK!"#
"-when I'd rather just kill them al-wait...what?!"

[taalismn]

In Olympic Yodeling.

Gerao vs an E.B.S.I.S. Soldier battloid.

Proof of Gerao's deviancy

Doesn't need to be a battloid...just an EBSIS Soldier.
When it comes to patriotic singing, nobody beats Russians.

[SRoss]

And now this brief commercial break:

ASC Navy Recruitment Ad

Leonard: "ZAND!!! YOU TRICKED ME!!!"

[taalismn]

"Sir, do you think that perhaps with these Games the athletes are pushing themselves TOO far in the pursuit of exceeding past performances of 'Faster, Stronger, Farther'?"
"No. What makes you ask that?"
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
*SPLASH*

"-how about the high divers burning up on re-entry?"
"We call that dive 'the Fireball'."

[taalismn]

*Breetai climbs back out of the pool, waving off medical assistance, and snuffing a still smoking bit of hair between his fingers*

"No, I am fine. I am not made so weakly as you..."

*And then the micronized warlord wanders in the direction of the ship to by some aloe vera laced cream...*

Or...How Breetai shaves in the morning...

[Arnie100]

"Yes, m'Lord Breetai, how may I be of assistance?"
"I need the cream with double aloe vera --"
"I'm sorry, m'Lord, but Khyron bought all the ones we had in stock!"
"What!"
"Something about a crazed Micronian female stalker..."

[taalismn]

Khyron: "...ahah...ah...(pant)...ahahaha...(wheeze)...At last! I've found a place where that micronian....predator...wouldn't think to find me! Or anybody! Who'd think to look for me in in the uppermost tiers of this sporting complex, hidden amongst the lighting scaffolding! Where only maintenance personnel have gone, but no longer need to go! Here, in an equipment shed! I'll be safe! And since I removed all the ladders on my way up, nobody can come up after me without considerable effort! I've got enough food and water for WEEKS stashed up here! And a perfect position to spy on any approaching micronians!"
"Sounds like a real cozy little love nest you've set up. Very clever."
"Hah! Genius and only to be expected of the great Khyron, if I say so mysYARGGHHH! HOW'D YOU GET HERE???!!!!"
Sammy: "Academy pole-vaulting champion. Now, let's get comfy with that sleeping bag you brought up here."
Khyron: "POLE-VAULTING????!!!"

[Arnie100]

(Khyron turns and jumps off the scaffolding)
Khyron: "You'll never catch me this time, I --" (searches frantically for parachute ripcord)
Khyron: "AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!"
Sammy: "Sorry, I had to throw away the parachute! That thing was making it too crowded up here!!"

Meanwhile, at the Games:
"Well, it seems that one of our competitors had some kind of accident..."

[taalismn]

As Smart and Sneaky Grel discourses with the others:
General Reinhardt: "Amusing as these anecdotes are with Khyron, I notice that in in some of them Commander Porter is Macronized, which I can barely understand, and in some of them Khyron is MICRONIZED, which I don't. I mean, Khyron would NEVER have allowed himself to be micronized!"
Grel: "Ah, you are using the First Edition profiles, yes?"
Reinhardt: "Yes, and they're most definite! Khyron was patyhologically opposed to micronization! Nothing could have persuaded him to be micronized!"
Grel:"Well...."
(Flashback. Bridge of Khyron's command ship)
Khyron: "...NEVER! Never will I obey an order to be micronized! I refuse to be so diminished! Not even an order from Dolza would persuad me to undergo that ...that...degrading process!"
Grel: "Look. Commander Azonia. Naked."
Khyron: (turning around) "What?! Where?!"
#TONK!#
.thud.
Grel: (putting away the length of cast iron muncipal sewer pipe he just coshed Khyron with)"You men there! You take his legs, I'll take his arms. His orders. To the micronization chambers!"
(End flashback)
Grel:"...very persuasive and sophsiticated arguments were used."

[Alpha 11]

"We of the IOC may have to make a policy judgement as to what constitutes an unfair and unatural advantage."
"Indeed? On what?"
"The Tirolians have entered triumvirate members in every one of the synchronized events. I'm seeing the same faces and names show up with disturbing regularity, and yet they're all different people...or so the Tirolians claim. I'm especially suspicious of the 'Vada Primes'."
"We ban them, then we have to ban the Invid; they're a group mind, remember?"
"Argubaly their royal class are individuals."
"And entraedi are genetically engineered."
"Gotta put down the law somewhere, or else we'll have a genetic athlete arms race. I miss the days of blood transfusions and doping."
"At least we permit only the Invid to partake of Flower of Life. To anybody else, it's narcotics."

"No Mr. Leonard, the Invid weight lifter isn't using a mecha, THAT's it's body..."

*Two of the sports commentators from Sports Illustrated, somewhat infamous for their Swimsuit Edition already...*

"O.K., so there would have to be a definite series of rulings by class, especially since we are talking about a sport by sport basis then."

"Though I have to admit it was unfortunate that in their zeal to assist the Zentraedi Volleyball players, they nearly drowned the micronian players...and attendants...and the judges...and the rescue squad that tried to assist the fallen!!!"

"And if you think that was bad, some joker decided that if Zentraedi were goign to compete nude, he was gonna load up on baby oil for his mecha's flamer and "lend a hand"!"

"Sure it was entertaining to watch for a bit, but then one of the contestants hit a puddle of the stuff and didn't stop skidding until they had left the contest field...ALL of the contest fields. In fact they had to hitch hike back on a MAC II in order to get back into their own competition."

True, but the remaining player put of a stunning show of defensive playing!""

"Despite having no arms and definitely having the antipathy of ....well, just about everybody else here, the Haydonites have come on strong in volleyball by using their heads!"
"And that's not a pun, folks! We've seen some incredibly coordinated head bouncing here! And their aerial footwork, so to speak, is incredible!"
"They've already knocked the favored Praxian team out of the running, but they're facing the all-female Royal Invid team next! There's some SERIOUS bad blood there! Enough that stadium security has brought some of those heavy weapons posted outside to insure the security of the games INSIDE, just in case!"

"Despite having no arms and definitely having the antipathy of ....well, just about everybody else here, the Haydonites have come on strong in volleyball by using their heads!"
"And that's not a pun, folks! We've seen some incredibly coordinated head bouncing here! And their aerial footwork, so to speak, is incredible!"
"They've already knocked the favored Praxian team out of the running, but they're facing the all-female Royal Invid team next! There's some SERIOUS bad blood there! Enough that stadium security has brought some of those heavy weapons posted outside to insure the security of the games INSIDE, just in case!"

"Ummm... We need a ruling here. Are the Invid allowed to use teleporting when spiking the ball?"

Veidt: (After attempting to headbutt a ball spiked from orbit) "It's...fffzzz...not...fffzzz...FAIR!!"

"For that matter, do the Haydonites actually count as female?"

[Alpha 11]

"Yes,yes they are allowed to use teleporting."
"And the IOC has handed down its ruling that officially the Invid are allowed to teleport in the game."
"IN! YOUR! FACE!"
"Andddddd it looks like the Invid team captain is trying to medal in trash talking!"
"Trash talking was tried as an exhibition sport back in the 2006 Games. Never adopted though as medal sport."

"Yes,yes they are allowed to use teleporting."
"And the IOC has handed down its ruling that officially the Invid are allowed to teleport in the game."
"IN! YOUR! FACE!"
"Andddddd it looks like the Invid team captain is trying to medal in trash talking!"
"Trash talking was tried as an exhibition sport back in the 2006 Games. Never adopted though as medal sport."

And in stunning example of rubbing it in their face plates, here come Sara and Arial leading a group of Invid Scouts and Troopers in a rousing performance of Motteke sailor fuku.

One has to wonder where they found pom-poms in that size.

"And why would you say that Terran-Humans have an advantage in the water sports?"
"Because our swimmers train with our Navy, swimming in rough water, in full armor, with full packs on their backs. And then there's the sharks. None of the other species have that."
"Does that regimen include your Zentraedi members?"
"No...they swim with orcas. And giant squid."

"And why would you say that Terran-Humans have an advantage in the water sports?"
"Because our swimmers train with our Navy, swimming in rough water, in full armor, with full packs on their backs. And then there's the sharks. None of the other species have that."
"Does that regimen include your Zentraedi members?"
"No...they swim with orcas. And giant squid."

"Sir, we may have a problem. The Regis just locked herself in the Genesis Pit with a bunch of Chinese swimmers."

"Okay, who's the GENIUS who scheduled the skeet shooting competition directly adjacent to the discus throw?"

"sorry sir, but if you wish to use your Defender destroid for the Augmented skeet shooting event, i am afraid you will be required to disable your anti-air radar system and rely on your secondary systems. we had to disallow the Invid 'mortar scout' due to the same restrictions."


"......----.-.-.-.-.-...----..."
"i'm sorry you think the targets in the augmented skeet shooting looking like invid scouts is insulting. we'd originally ordered targets shaped like haydonite wraiths, but then we found out the haydonites were planning on sneaking in actual wraiths to skew the event in their favor, so we had to resort to what we could find locally.'
"........----..-......-....-...-...-**"
"hey now, just because your encased in several tons of bio-armor doesn't give you the right to use such language. really, with a mouth like that, its a wonder the regis ever evolved you into a trooper..."

"We're grateful to Tirolian Gravitic Motors for their last minute donation of several hundred Bioroid Hoverplatforms for use as disposable skeets..."

"We have a new problem...several hundred Tirolian Bioroid Pilots who are going to have to WALK home."

"We're grateful to Tirolian Gravitic Motors for their last minute donation of several hundred Bioroid Hoverplatforms for use as disposable skeets..."

"We have a new problem...several hundred Tirolian Bioroid Pilots who are going to have to WALK home."

(Hangar bay, Tirolian Mothership)

Bioroid Pilot #1: "So, have you been watching that skeet shooting event between the Micronians and the Zentran?"
Bioroid Pilot #2: "Oh, yes! Very exciting! It was rather odd, though..."
Bioroid Pilot #1: "Why is that?"
Bioroid Pilot #2: "One of them looked like -- hey, what the...! My hover platform's gone!"
Bioroid Pilot #1: "Mine, too! Aaaww, cr@p!!"

Field Marshal Leonard: "Gentlemen, I am shocked, yes, SHOCKED, to learn that our Olympic team's uniforms were all made by cheap Tirolian clone labor! The UEG Congress is demanding a full investigation and has already issued a scathing reprimand to our committee!"

[Alpha 11]

Field Marshal Leonard: "Gentlemen, I am shocked, yes, SHOCKED, to learn that our Olympic team's uniforms were all made by cheap Tirolian clone labor! The UEG Congress is demanding a full investigation and has already issued a scathing reprimand to our committee!"

"But, Sir, YOU'RE in charge of the committee!"

"I assure you, Regent, that the incident with the Zentreadi javelin thrower was purely an accident."
Invid Regent: "Flaming asteroid b#######! That bastard was AIMING for me!!!!"

"Now which of you nitwits put the target behind the Invid Regent?"
"Well..."
"And you MISSED?"

#"Chiropractor to the Wrestling Venue. Chiropractor to the Wrestling Venue. "#
"Praxians again?"
"Praxians again."
"Which poor sod is it this time?"
"Tirolian woman. Must have figured their ancestral links to traditional Greco-Roman culture and genetically engineered flexibility would give them an edge. Instead she got tied in a double bow tie."
"Ouch."

"We're grateful to Tirolian Gravitic Motors for their last minute donation of several hundred Bioroid Hoverplatforms for use as disposable skeets..."

"We have a new problem...several hundred Tirolian Bioroid Pilots who are going to have to WALK home."

(Hangar bay, Tirolian Mothership)

Bioroid Pilot #1: "So, have you been watching that skeet shooting event between the Micronians and the Zentran?"
Bioroid Pilot #2: "Oh, yes! Very exciting! It was rather odd, though..."
Bioroid Pilot #1: "Why is that?"
Bioroid Pilot #2: "One of them looked like -- hey, what the...! My hover platform's gone!"
Bioroid Pilot #1: "Mine, too! Aaaww, cr@p!!"

They turn in unison their compatriot.

Bioroid Pilot #3: "Guys, honestly, it wasn't my idea."

In Olympic Yodeling.

Gerao vs an E.B.S.I.S. Soldier battloid.

Proof of Gerao's deviancy

"I don't see why I am engaging in this barbaric ritual..."
#"IN THIS CORNER, IN THE ORANGE TRUNKS, REPRESENTING THE INVID COMMONALITY-"#
"Not that I have any objection to beating upon the inferior lifeforms-"
#"WEIGHING IN AT ONE HUNDRED SIXTY POUNDS-"#
"But there are far more efficient ways of exterminating the human vermin-"
#"THE MARTIAL WARRIOR CORG!"#
"-so let's just get this sideshow over, and let me proceed to the REAL work of extermination-"
#"AND IN THIS CORNER, IN THE GREEN TRUNKS-"#
"-because I feel no need-"
#"WEIGHING IN AT TWO HUNDRED FIFTY POUNDS-"#
"-to prove my natural superiority to these lower life forms-"
#" -THE REIGNING ZENTRAEDI GRAND FLEET MARTIAL CHAMPION BREETAI KRIDANIK!"#
"-when I'd rather just kill them al-wait...what?!"

In Olympic Yodeling.

Gerao vs an E.B.S.I.S. Soldier battloid.

Proof of Gerao's deviancy

Doesn't need to be a battloid...just an EBSIS Soldier.
When it comes to patriotic singing, nobody beats Russians.

I could argue that. But with they way people have been singing our song lately, I have to agree. If done right, or at least half way desent, I can still get emotional at hearing the Star Spangled Banner.

And now this brief commercial break:

ASC Navy Recruitment Ad

Leonard: "ZAND!!! YOU TRICKED ME!!!"

"Sir, do you think that perhaps with these Games the athletes are pushing themselves TOO far in the pursuit of exceeding past performances of 'Faster, Stronger, Farther'?"
"No. What makes you ask that?"
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
*SPLASH*

"-how about the high divers burning up on re-entry?"
"We call that dive 'the Fireball'."

[Alpha 11]

*Breetai climbs back out of the pool, waving off medical assistance, and snuffing a still smoking bit of hair between his fingers*

"No, I am fine. I am not made so weakly as you..."

*And then the micronized warlord wanders in the direction of the ship to by some aloe vera laced cream...*

*Breetai climbs back out of the pool, waving off medical assistance, and snuffing a still smoking bit of hair between his fingers*

"No, I am fine. I am not made so weakly as you..."

*And then the micronized warlord wanders in the direction of the ship to by some aloe vera laced cream...*

Or...How Breetai shaves in the morning...

"Yes, m'Lord Breetai, how may I be of assistance?"
"I need the cream with double aloe vera --"
"I'm sorry, m'Lord, but Khyron bought all the ones we had in stock!"
"What!"
"Something about a crazed Micronian female stalker..."

Khyron: "...ahah...ah...(pant)...ahahaha...(wheeze)...At last! I've found a place where that micronian....predator...wouldn't think to find me! Or anybody! Who'd think to look for me in in the uppermost tiers of this sporting complex, hidden amongst the lighting scaffolding! Where only maintenance personnel have gone, but no longer need to go! Here, in an equipment shed! I'll be safe! And since I removed all the ladders on my way up, nobody can come up after me without considerable effort! I've got enough food and water for WEEKS stashed up here! And a perfect position to spy on any approaching micronians!"
"Sounds like a real cozy little love nest you've set up. Very clever."
"Hah! Genius and only to be expected of the great Khyron, if I say so mysYARGGHHH! HOW'D YOU GET HERE???!!!!"
Sammy: "Academy pole-vaulting champion. Now, let's get comfy with that sleeping bag you brought up here."
Khyron: "POLE-VAULTING????!!!"

(Khyron turns and jumps off the scaffolding)
Khyron: "You'll never catch me this time, I --" (searches frantically for parachute ripcord)
Khyron: "AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!"
Sammy: "Sorry, I had to throw away the parachute! That thing was making it too crowded up here!!"

Meanwhile, at the Games:
"Well, it seems that one of our competitors had some kind of accident..."

As Smart and Sneaky Grel discourses with the others:
General Reinhardt: "Amusing as these anecdotes are with Khyron, I notice that in in some of them Commander Porter is Macronized, which I can barely understand, and in some of them Khyron is MICRONIZED, which I don't. I mean, Khyron would NEVER have allowed himself to be micronized!"
Grel: "Ah, you are using the First eedition profiles, yes?"
Reinhardt: "Yes, and they're most definite! Khyron was patyhologically opposed to micronization! Nothing could have persuaded him to be micronized!"
Grel:"Well...."
(Flashback. Bridge of Khyron's command ship)
Khyron: "...NEVER! Never will I obey an order to be micronized! I refuse to be so diminished! Not even an order from Dolza would persuad me to undergo that ...that...degrading process!"
Grel: "Look. Commander Azonia. Naked."
Khyron: (turning around) "What?! Where?!"
#TONK!#
.thud.
Grel: (putting away the length of cast iron muncipal sewer pipe he just coshed Khyron with)"You men there! You take his legs, I'll take his arms. His orders. To the micronization chambers!"
(End flashback)
Grel:"...very persuasive and sophsiticated arguments were used."

[SRoss]

(Khyron turns and jumps off the scaffolding)
Khyron: "You'll never catch me this time, I --" (searches frantically for parachute ripcord)
Khyron: "AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!"
Sammy: "Sorry, I had to throw away the parachute! That thing was making it too crowded up here!!"

Meanwhile, at the Games:
"Well, it seems that one of our competitors had some kind of accident..."

Official: "Don't worry sir the medic is here."

Sammy: (in a very short nurses outfit, filling a syringe) "Don't worry baby, (sticking it in Khyron's arm) this won't hurt a bit."

Khyron: "AAARG! HELP! NO! I can taste colours..."

With a passing Invid's help, Nurse Sammy loads Khyron onto a grav-stretcher and rushes off the field.

Veidt: (from where Khyron landed on him) "It's...fffzzz...not...fffzzz...FAIR!!"

[Arnie100]

Official #1: "Has anyone seen Lord Khyron?"
Khyron (faintly, somewhere in the building): "NNNNNNNNNOOOOO!!!!!!"
Official #1: "Never mind..."

[taalismn]

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

[Arnie100]

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Sammy: (Hands on hips, with a look on her face that would terrorize even Dolza) "That's what he deserves for avoiding me."

[Arnie100]

Paddling!!!

I really don't need to know the details here chief, seriously!

:O

Sammy: "It's not the kind of "paddling" you're thinking about...then again..."

[SRoss]

Veidt: (wandering in, smoking from damage) "Please...fffzzz...Help...fffzzz...Meee!!"

BLAM!!!

Sammy: (blowing on the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun) "No smoking on the bri... Oh yeah, we're in the basement. Sorry fella."

Veidt: (from the floor) "It's...fffzzz...not...fffzzz...FAIR!!"

[taalismn]

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Sammy: (Hands on hips, with a look on her face that would terrorize even Dolza) "That's what he deserves for avoiding me."

Sammy, on the other hand, would get gold for her gymnastics routine on the horse....

Announcer:".....And they're currently evacuating the stadium because the innuendo alarms just went off!"

[Arnie100]

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Sammy: (Hands on hips, with a look on her face that would terrorize even Dolza) "That's what he deserves for avoiding me."

Sammy, on the other hand, would get gold for her gymnastics routine on the horse....

Announcer:".....And they're currently evacuating the stadium because the innuendo alarms just went off!"

Sammy: (Holding a hand-held mini-gun) "What kind of a girl do you think I am?? And where do the rest of you think YOU'RE going? I'm not done with my floor routines yet."

[taalismn]

[
Sammy: (Holding a hand-held mini-gun) "What kind of a girl do you think I am?? And where do the rest of you think YOU'RE going? I'm not done with my floor routines yet."

"Oh wow, look at Khyron run!"
"He's just FLOWN by the other guys!"
"I didn't even know he was entered in the race!"
"He's not. Nor is Miss Porter."
"...Geeeezzzz...She can run fast too..."
"I'm pretty sure participants are supposed to be wearing pants..."
"I'm also sure they're not supposed to TACKLE other runners."
"Funny. I didn't know the Sadie Hawkins Dash was made part of the track and field competitions...."

[Arnie100]

Sammy: "You need your meds, Khyron! Come back here!"
Khyron: "Someone; please, help me!"
Sammy: "There, there. Everything will be alright. You've been under a lot of stress, lately, that's all. Everything will be just fine..."

[Alpha 11]

(Khyron turns and jumps off the scaffolding)
Khyron: "You'll never catch me this time, I --" (searches frantically for parachute ripcord)
Khyron: "AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!"
Sammy: "Sorry, I had to throw away the parachute! That thing was making it too crowded up here!!"

Meanwhile, at the Games:
"Well, it seems that one of our competitors had some kind of accident..."

Official: "Don't worry sir the medic is here."

Sammy: (in a very short nurses outfit, filling a syringe) "Don't worry baby, (sticking it in Khyron's arm) this won't hurt a bit."

Khyron: "AAARG! HELP! NO! I can taste colours..."

With a passing Invid's help, Nurse Sammy loads Khyron onto a grav-stretcher and rushes off the field.

Veidt: (from where Khyron landed on him) "It's...fffzzz...not...fffzzz...FAIR!!"

Official #1: "Has anyone seen Lord Khyron?"
Khyron (faintly, somewhere in the building): "NNNNNNNNNOOOOO!!!!!!"
Official #1: "Never mind..."

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Sammy: (Hands on hips, with a look on her face that would terrorize even Dolza) "That's what he deserves for avoiding me."

Paddling!!!

I really don't need to know the details here chief, seriously!

:O

Paddling!!!

I really don't need to know the details here chief, seriously!

:O

Sammy: "It's not the kind of "paddling" you're thinking about...then again..."

Veidt: (wandering in, smoking from damage) "Please...fffzzz...Help...fffzzz...Meee!!"

BLAM!!!

Sammy: (blowing on the barrel of a sawed-off shotgun) "No smoking on the bri... Oh yeah, we're in the basement. Sorry fella."

Veidt: (from the floor) "It's...fffzzz...not...fffzzz...FAIR!!"

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Sammy: (Hands on hips, with a look on her face that would terrorize even Dolza) "That's what he deserves for avoiding me."

Sammy, on the other hand, would get gold for her gymnastics routine on the horse....

Announcer:".....And they're currently evacuating the stadium because the innuendo alarms just went off!"

Ah, poor Khyron. All that running, jumping, paddling, discomfort, long suffering days, sleepless nights, constant movement, irregular meals, grueling grind, muscle soreness, tendon strain, bruising, dehydration, near terminal exhaustion....and he doesn't even get a medal for it...

Sammy: (Hands on hips, with a look on her face that would terrorize even Dolza) "That's what he deserves for avoiding me."

Sammy, on the other hand, would get gold for her gymnastics routine on the horse....

Announcer:".....And they're currently evacuating the stadium because the innuendo alarms just went off!"

Sammy: (Holding a hand-held mini-gun) "What kind of a girl do you think I am?? And where do the rest of you think YOU'RE going? I'm not done with my floor routines yet."

[Alpha 11]

[
Sammy: (Holding a hand-held mini-gun) "What kind of a girl do you think I am?? And where do the rest of you think YOU'RE going? I'm not done with my floor routines yet."

"Oh wow, look at Khyron run!"
"He's just FLOWN by the other guys!"
"I didn't even know he was entered in the race!"
"He's not. Nor is Miss Porter."
"...Geeeezzzz...She can run fast too..."
"I'm pretty sure participants are supposed to be wearing pants..."
"I'm also sure they're not supposed to TACKLE other runners."
"Funny. I didn't know the Sadie Hawkins Dash was made part of the track and field competitions...."

Sammy: "You need your meds, Khyron! Come back here!"
Khyron: "Someone; please, help me!"
Sammy: "There, there. Everything will be alright. You've been under a lot of stress, lately, that's all. Everything will be just fine..."

[Arnie100]

Sammy: "I don't understand why everyone is making these strange assumptions about me. I'm a good old-fashioned knd of girl, from a wonderful family." (Holding a distraught-looking Khyron with a leash attached to a pair of handcuffs...) "Come along, Khyron. You're NOT getting away from me THIS time."

Announcer #1: "What was THAT all about!?"
Announcer #2: "I DON'T want to KNOW. Moving on to our next event..."

[taalismn]

Announcer: "So we take a moment out of our continuing coverage of these Games to speak with a past veteran on how the Games have changed. With me now, in the studio, is past Game swim champion, gold medallist, and retired Admiral Henri Gloval. Before we came on the air just now, you and were discussing the differences between today's bloopers and those of your time. Care to elaborate?"

Gloval: "In my day, we had simple, fundamental, plausible gaffs and goofs...slips of the tongue, missed lines, screwed up special effects, physics at work. Your basic on-set foul-ups. All in good clean fun. Nowadays, we're seeing elaborate contrived set-ups, running innuendos, and increasingly implausible gags that have little to do with the original base material, except to explode it. It's a very different world now."

Announcer: "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

Gloval: "Other veterans like Donald Hayes would tell you it's a bad thing; it's tampering with the essentials, but I say it's because our own successes that the easy laughs are harder to achieve. The newer generations now have to work to squeeze every fractional laugh out of the canon and use the raw material in new ways. Really pushing the envelope of performance. However, there have been a greater number of new training regimens and tools made available to today's Blooper-hopefuls than there were in my day, and despite official foot-dragging on new canon material, the amateurs and private sector are helping fill the gaps and provide future performers with new opportunities to screw up."

Announcer: "Do you think you'll ever return to competition?"

Gloval: "Been out of the game too long to expect to return to the mainstream, But, like the rumors of the cloning of Phelps for the next Games, there's always a remote possibility. I still have a few pratfalls left in me before I hang up the hat for keeps. We'll see."

Announcer:"Thank you for that! Henri Gloval, on today's Games. Next on our continuing coverage, idol wrestling!"

[SRoss]

Two Spartan destroids deliver a massive tub of Jello.

Technician #1: "Who's wrestling?"

Technician #2: (Checking the clip board) "Linn Minmei and Musica?"

[taalismn]

Newscaster: 'And in a tragic accident the gold medalist in men's bicycling was accidentally awarded the Zentraedi-sized medallion instead.."
(Cut to: Medal stand with the silver and bronze winners looking in shock at the trampoline-sized golden disk laying flat in front of the stand, a pair of feet sticking motionlessly out from under it...)

[Alpha 11]

Sammy: "I don't understand why everyone is making these strange assumptions about me. I'm a good old-fashioned knd of girl, from a wonderful family." (Holding a distraught-looking Khyron with a leash attached to a pair of handcuffs...) "Come along, Khyron. You're NOT getting away from me THIS time."

Announcer #1: "What was THAT all about!?"
Announcer #2: "I DON'T want to KNOW. Moving on to our next event..."

Announcer: "So we take a moment out of our continuing coverage of these Games to speak with a past veteran on how the Games have changed. With me now, in the studio, is past Game swim champion, gold medallist, and retired Admiral Henri Gloval. Before we came on the air just now, you and were discussing the differences between today's bloopers and those of your time. Care to elaborate?"

Gloval: "In my day, we had simple, fundamental, plausible gaffs and goofs...slips of the tongue, missed lines, screwed up special effects, physics at work. Your basic on-set foul-ups. All in good clean fun. Nowadays, we're seeing elaborate contrived set-ups, running innuendos, and increasingly implausible gags that have little to do with the original base material, except to explode it. It's a very different world now."

Announcer: "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

Gloval: "Other veterans like Donald Hayes would tell you it's a bad thing; it's tampering with the essentials, but I say it's because our own successes that the easy laughs are harder to achieve. The newer generations now have to work to squeeze every fractional laugh out of the canon and use the raw material in new ways. Really pushing the envelope of performance. However, there have been a greater number of new training regimens and tools made available to today's Blooper-hopefuls than there were in my day, and despite official foot-dragging on new canon material, the amateurs and private sector are helping fill the gaps and provide future performers with new opportunities to screw up."

Announcer: "Do you think you'll ever return to competition?"

Gloval: "Been out of the game too long to expect to return to the mainstream, But, like the rumors of the cloning of Phelps for the next Games, there's always a remote possibility. I still have a few pratfalls left in me before I hang up the hat for keeps. We'll see."

Announcer:"Thank you for that! Henri Gloval, on today's Games. Next on our continuing coverage, idol wrestling!"

Two Spartan destroids deliver a massive tub of Jello.

Technician #1: "Who's wrestling?"

Technician #2: (Checking the clip board) "Linn Minmei and Musica?"

Newscaster: 'And in a tragic accident the gold medalist in men's bicycling was accidentally awarded the Zentraedi-sized medallion instead.."
(Cut to: Medal stand with the silver and bronze winners looking in shock at the trampoline-sized golden disk laying flat in front of the stand, a pair of feet sticking motionlessly out from under it...)

[SRoss]

"Sir the Invid are questioning two of the Ref's calls in their match against the Tirolians."

Gloval: "Well let me see the playback, Boshie Moye!!! Who was the Ref in that match?"

"It was the Haydonite Ref sir..."

[taalismn]

Haydonite Ref:(lurching out of the stadium, his robes a virtual hedgehog's bag of stuck arrows) "..fzzztt!...stupid Praxians...ttttt-they're supposed to shoot at the ST***ATIONARY target...*znark*."

[Arnie100]

Haydonite Ref: <<That was a fair call!! You Praxi -- >>
THUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNK
Haydonite Ref: (Dozens of Praxian arrows sticking out of body, looking like a metallic pincushion)<<Why...ffffzzztttt...does...ffffzzzPOP...this...POP...happen...ffffzzztttt...to...>>
THUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNK

[taalismn]

Haydonite Technician: "VEIDDDT! Your ref-three download came back!"
Veidt: (Looking at the robed arrow pincushion on the diagnostics table) "I am so NOT uploading that and merging files with it."

[Alpha 11]

"Sir the Invid are questioning two of the Ref's calls in their match against the Tirolians."

Gloval: "Well let me see the playback, Boshie Moye!!! Who was the Ref in that match?"

"It was the Haydonite Ref sir..."

Haydonite Ref:(lurching out of the stadium, his robes a virtual hedgehog's bag of stuck arrows) "..fzzztt!...stupid Praxians...ttttt-they're supposed to shoot at the ST***ATIONARY target...*znark*."

Haydonite Ref: <<That was a fair call!! You Praxi -- >>
THUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNK
Haydonite Ref: (Dozens of Praxian arrows sticking out of body, looking like a metallic pincushion)<<Why...ffffzzztttt...does...ffffzzzPOP...this...POP...happen...ffffzzztttt...to...>>
THUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNKTHUNK

Haydonite Technician: "VEIDDDT! Your ref-three download came back!"
Veidt: (Looking at the robed arrow pincushion on the diagnostics table) "I am so NOT uploading that and merging files with it."

[Arnie100]

(Infirmary, Sports Complex)
Haydonite Ref: <<So...ffffzzzttt...unfair...ffffzzzPOP...Just...ffffzzz...doing...zzzttt...my...ffffzzzttt...job!!>>
Khyron: (In full body cast) "What are YOU crying about!? I'M being STALKED, I tell you, STALKED by some crazed Micronian female!! Do you think I'm in this body cast by ACCIDENT!?"

[taalismn]

Newscaster: "And among the many smaller side stories these Games have generated, the Haydonite referees have complained to the IOC that they've been taking an inordinate number of Game-associated casualties in the course of competition!"
(Cut to: Weightlifter gripping barbell, then heaving them upright as he kneels under them, then with a grunt, loses it and falls on his backside, incidentally HEAVING the weights backwards away from his head and neck...
...right at the Haydonite ref floating right behind him....
/"GHA-"/*CRUNCH!*

Veidt: (looking at the steamrolled pile of robes and crushed robotics)"Nope, not uploading that one either. No way I'm voluntarily feeling going through THAT."

[SRoss]

(Infirmary, Sports Complex)
Haydonite Ref: <<So...ffffzzzttt...unfair...ffffzzzPOP...Just...ffffzzz...doing...zzzttt...my...ffffzzzttt...job!!>>
Khyron: (In full body cast) "What are YOU crying about!? I'M being STALKED, I tell you, STALKED by some crazed Micronian female!! Do you think I'm in this body cast by ACCIDENT!?"

Sammy: (In a short, tight nurses outfit) "Oh Khhhyyyyron! It's time for your sponge bath..."

Khyron: "For Protoculture's sake!!! Someone cut me out of this thing!!!"

[SRoss]

Meanwhile at Reflex Point.

Regis: "Report! How goes the games?"

Scout: (Animatedly tries to describe everything in claw gestures)

Regis: (Facepalms) "Why didn't I give my Scouts the ability to talk?"

[taalismn]

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

They're using professional football averages for the number of referees accidentally sacked by football players or beaned by irate fans as a guideline. If it's more than one a season, you have problems. If it's more than one per GAME, it's the Haydonites at the Olympics.

[Arnie100]

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

Those aren't casualties...they're, uuhhmm, accidents, that's it ACCIDENTS!

[taalismn]

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

Those aren't casualties...they're, uuhhmm, accidents, that's it ACCIDENTS!

Yes, being exceptionally clumsy, he proceeded to repeatedly walk into the boxer's fist...

[Alpha 11]

(Infirmary, Sports Complex)
Haydonite Ref: <<So...ffffzzzttt...unfair...ffffzzzPOP...Just...ffffzzz...doing...zzzttt...my...ffffzzzttt...job!!>>
Khyron: (In full body cast) "What are YOU crying about!? I'M being STALKED, I tell you, STALKED by some crazed Micronian female!! Do you think I'm in this body cast by ACCIDENT!?"

Newscaster: "And among the many smaller side stories these Games have generated, the Haydonite referees have complained to the IOC that they've been taking an inordinate number of Game-associated casualties in the course of competition!"
(Cut to: Weightlifter gripping barbell, then heaving them upright as he kneels under them, then with a grunt, loses it and falls on his backside, incidentally HEAVING the weights backwards away from his head and neck...
...right at the Haydonite ref floating right behind him....
/"GHA-"/*CRUNCH!*

Veidt: (looking at the steamrolled pile of robes and crushed robotics)"Nope, not uploading that one either. No way I'm voluntarily feeling going through THAT."

(Infirmary, Sports Complex)
Haydonite Ref: <<So...ffffzzzttt...unfair...ffffzzzPOP...Just...ffffzzz...doing...zzzttt...my...ffffzzzttt...job!!>>
Khyron: (In full body cast) "What are YOU crying about!? I'M being STALKED, I tell you, STALKED by some crazed Micronian female!! Do you think I'm in this body cast by ACCIDENT!?"

Sammy: (In a short, tight nurses outfit) "Oh Khhhyyyyron! It's time for your sponge bath..."

Khyron: "For Protoculture's sake!!! Someone cut me out of this thing!!!"

Meanwhile at Reflex Point.

Regis: "Report! How goes the games?"

Scout: (Animatedly tries to describe everything in claw gestures)

Regis: (Facepalms) "Why didn't I give my Scouts the ability to talk?"

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

They're using professional football averages for the number of referees accidentally sacked by football players or beaned by irate fans as a guideline. If it's more than one a season, you have problems. If it's more than one per GAME, it's the Haydonites at the Olympics.

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

Those aren't casualties...they're, uuhhmm, accidents, that's it ACCIDENTS!

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

Those aren't casualties...they're, uuhhmm, accidents, that's it ACCIDENTS!

Yes, being exceptionally clumsy, he proceeded to repeatedly walk into the boxer's fist...

[taalismn]

"Hmmm...a little too much slam on that pingpong ball. This is competition table tennis."
"What do you, 'too much slam'? I won Zentraedi glory, micronized no less, didn't I?"
"Table tennis matches don't usually end with one of the players taken off the court on a stretcher with the ball lodged in a lung. I'd say you put too much slam on the ball."

[Arnie100]

"Pfffttt...pingpong is a WARRIOR's sport! Weaklings need not play."

[Arnie100]

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

Those aren't casualties...they're, uuhhmm, accidents, that's it ACCIDENTS!

Yes, being exceptionally clumsy, he proceeded to repeatedly walk into the boxer's fist...

"But, but...the boxer was only trying to help him up!"

[taalismn]

"Pfffttt...pingpong is a WARRIOR's sport! Weaklings need not play."

I.e. Nobody without an MDC constitution...

[Alpha 11]

"Hmmm...a little too much slam on that pingpong ball. This is competition table tennis."
"What do you, 'too much slam'? I won Zentraedi glory, micronized no less, didn't I?"
"Table tennis matches don't usually end with one of the players taken off the court on a stretcher with the ball lodged in a lung. I'd say you put too much slam on the ball."

"Pfffttt...pingpong is a WARRIOR's sport! Weaklings need not play."

So i have to ask...

What qualifies as an "ordinate" amount of casualties then? And who made that decision?

Those aren't casualties...they're, uuhhmm, accidents, that's it ACCIDENTS!

Yes, being exceptionally clumsy, he proceeded to repeatedly walk into the boxer's fist...

"But, but...the boxer was only trying to help him up!"

"Pfffttt...pingpong is a WARRIOR's sport! Weaklings need not play."

I.e. Nobody without an MDC constitution...

[taalismn]

"Was it really such a bright idea allowing Azonia to head up theri Women's Tennis Team?"
"She qualified."
"Well, tennis balls aren't made to go supersonic. They either crater the court-"
"AZONIA SMASH!!!"
"-or they burn up before getting across the net."

[Alpha 11]

"Was it really such a bright idea allowing Azonia to head up theri Women's Tennis Team?"
"She qualified."
"Well, tennis balls aren't made to go supersonic. They either crater the court-"
"AZONIA SMASH!!!"
"-or they burn up before getting across the net."