Robotech Blooper Reels

[SRoss]

With a herculean effort Edwards throws the little monster off and grabs for his gun.

Edwards: "DIE YOU LITTLE!!! Wha!?! It teleported!?!"

###FLASHBACK###

In the Genesis Pit...

Lang: "Liebschen, what are you doing with our Tasmanian Devil? Come to bed."

Regis: "In a minute, dear I'm helping it's evolution."

###FLASHBACK ENDS###

Edwards feels movement in his pants.

Edwards: " "

[taalismn]

Edwards feels movement in his pants.

Edwards: " "

Plenty of room down there...not like Edwards keeps much of anything there....

[DhAkael]

Marcus Rush: "Y'know... my situation aint so bad."

Maia Sterling: "Marcus? I want you to clean out my port-side intake next. Use the tooth brush and make sure there's NO carbon build-up in there. I'll be back in 5 hours to make sure you've done a thorough job."

Marcus Rush: "Nope. Life is pretty sweet, all things considered." *sound of shuffling and pained grunting as LT. Rush begins his assignment."

Kyle, Edwards, Khyron, Corg; "Lucky [censored] BASTARD!"

[taalismn]

Marcus Rush: "Y'know... my situation aint so bad."

Maia Sterling: "Marcus? I want you to clean out my port-side intake next. Use the tooth brush and make sure there's NO carbon build-up in there. I'll be back in 5 hours to make sure you've done a thorough job."

Marcus Rush: "Nope. Life is pretty sweet, all things considered." *sound of shuffling and pained grunting as LT. Rush begins his assignment."

Kyle, Edwards, Khyron, Corg; "Lucky [censored] BASTARD!"

Hangar Bay Tech: "Okay, guys, start up the static port-side engine air-breathing test! Let's start with a hot, emergency take-off power-up!"
Marcus: (inside said intake)" "

[DhAkael]

Marcus Rush: "Y'know... my situation aint so bad."

Maia Sterling: "Marcus? I want you to clean out my port-side intake next. Use the tooth brush and make sure there's NO carbon build-up in there. I'll be back in 5 hours to make sure you've done a thorough job."

Marcus Rush: "Nope. Life is pretty sweet, all things considered." *sound of shuffling and pained grunting as LT. Rush begins his assignment."

Kyle, Edwards, Khyron, Corg; "Lucky [censored] BASTARD!"

Hangar Bay Tech: "Okay, guys, start up the static port-side engine air-breathing test! Let's start with a hot, emergency take-off power-up!"
Marcus: (inside said intake)" "

Haydonite: [Sucker!] -blam- [...ow...] -fzzztTHUD-

[taalismn]

Hangar Bay Tech:"Okay.....that was a lot more engine ejecta, rattling, screaming, and carbon burn-off than I'm comfortable with....and I can swear that looks like a toothbrush embedded in the far wall."

[Arnie100]

Marcus: (Crawling out of the intake, bloodied and battered) "Wha' happen!?"
Hanger Bay Tech: "Oooh...Didn't see you in there, LT!"
Maia: "Rush! I thought I told you to clean that intake! Get your ass back in there and do it right!"
Marcus: "Why me..."
Maia: (Pointing at what's left of Haydonite) "And someone pick up that garbage and toss it out of the airlock!"
Haydonite: <<Ffffffzzzttttt...Noooo...fffzzztttt...it's...POP...not...>>

[Alpha 11]

Kyle: "I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!! It was his -- Where'd he go?! (Looks desperately for Kevin)

Minmei: (Smiling sweetly) "You know Kyle, I never PROPERLY thanked you for waiting til it was nearly too late to rescue me from Edwards ... and then failing..."

Kyle: "Umm ... Minmei, that's ... not ... really necessary."

Minmei ignores him, focusing instead on setting a series wicked looking tools on the table. Lynn Kyle goes pale she sets out a book, Chakra Torture for Beginners.

(Meanwhile, Rick and Lisa head towards Kevin's office, unaware of the horrors taking place within)

Rick: "So, who do you think they'll get to play me in the movie?"
Lisa: "Supposedly Tobey whathisname..."
Rick: "And I was hoping for a headliner like Tom Cruise or something..."
Lisa: "I'm hoping for Natalie Portman..."

(Rick and Lisa open the door and...)

Rick and Lisa:

(...Quickly run away)

Rick and Lisa:

(Inside Kevin's Office)

Kyle: "Please...no more..."
Minmei: "I'm not done yet. This book has about a thousand pages and there's also an advanced version I bet you're dying to try out!"
Kyle: "It's just not fair..."
Minmei: "I'm finally getting me some justice!"

T.R. Edwards quarters: Edwards opens the door to see an Invid Scout in a UPS uniform. It holds a package out to him...

Edwards: "This isn't from the Hunters is it?"

The scout turns it's body to indicate no.

Edwards: (Reading the invoice) "Oh, its from Minmei! Maybe she's finally apologising for the way she treated me?"

Edwards opens the package and a rabid Tazmanian Devil leaps out and latches on to his face.

Invid Scout: (Telepathically) "Maybe I'll just go and have that drink with Kevin now..." (Flies off at top speed)

(Via webcam attached to rabid tasmanian devil's back)

Edwards: "GYAAAAHH!!!! GET IT OFFAME!!!!"

(Watching via monitor)

Minmei: "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Justice is MINE!!!"
Kyle: (Still strapped to table) "Help me..."
Minmei: "Let's see...#101 Apply pressure to certain private area...this gonna be SO much fun..."

Minmei: "And then there's THIS book, if we get bored!"
(holds up a copy of Orthodontic Procedures for Secret Police)
Kyle: "...oh kami......"

[Alpha 11]

With a herculean effort Edwards throws the little monster off and grabs for his gun.

Edwards: "DIE YOU LITTLE!!! Wha!?! It teleported!?!"

###FLASHBACK###

In the Genesis Pit...

Lang: "Liebschen, what are you doing with our Tasmanian Devil? Come to bed."

Regis: "In a minute, dear I'm helping it's evolution."

###FLASHBACK ENDS###

Edwards feels movement in his pants.

Edwards: " "

Edwards feels movement in his pants.

Edwards: " "

Plenty of room down there...not like Edwards keeps much of anything there....

Marcus Rush: "Y'know... my situation aint so bad."

Maia Sterling: "Marcus? I want you to clean out my port-side intake next. Use the tooth brush and make sure there's NO carbon build-up in there. I'll be back in 5 hours to make sure you've done a thorough job."

Marcus Rush: "Nope. Life is pretty sweet, all things considered." *sound of shuffling and pained grunting as LT. Rush begins his assignment."

Kyle, Edwards, Khyron, Corg; "Lucky [censored] BASTARD!"

Marcus Rush: "Y'know... my situation aint so bad."

Maia Sterling: "Marcus? I want you to clean out my port-side intake next. Use the tooth brush and make sure there's NO carbon build-up in there. I'll be back in 5 hours to make sure you've done a thorough job."

Marcus Rush: "Nope. Life is pretty sweet, all things considered." *sound of shuffling and pained grunting as LT. Rush begins his assignment."

Kyle, Edwards, Khyron, Corg; "Lucky [censored] BASTARD!"

Hangar Bay Tech: "Okay, guys, start up the static port-side engine air-breathing test! Let's start with a hot, emergency take-off power-up!"
Marcus: (inside said intake)" "

Marcus Rush: "Y'know... my situation aint so bad."

Maia Sterling: "Marcus? I want you to clean out my port-side intake next. Use the tooth brush and make sure there's NO carbon build-up in there. I'll be back in 5 hours to make sure you've done a thorough job."

Marcus Rush: "Nope. Life is pretty sweet, all things considered." *sound of shuffling and pained grunting as LT. Rush begins his assignment."

Kyle, Edwards, Khyron, Corg; "Lucky [censored] BASTARD!"

Hangar Bay Tech: "Okay, guys, start up the static port-side engine air-breathing test! Let's start with a hot, emergency take-off power-up!"
Marcus: (inside said intake)" "

Haydonite: [Sucker!] -blam- [...ow...] -fzzztTHUD-

[Alpha 11]

Hangar Bay Tech:"Okay.....that was a lot more engine ejecta, rattling, screaming, and carbon burn-off than I'm comfortable with....and I can swear that looks like a toothbrush embedded in the far wall."

Marcus: (Crawling out of the intake, bloodied and battered) "Wha' happen!?"
Hanger Bay Tech: "Oooh...Didn't see you in there, LT!"
Maia: "Rush! I thought I told you to clean that intake! Get your ass back in there and do it right!"
Marcus: "Why me..."
Maia: (Pointing at what's left of Haydonite) "And someone pick up that garbage and toss it out of the airlock!"
Haydonite: <<Ffffffzzzttttt...Noooo...fffzzztttt...it's...POP...not...>>

[taalismn]

Ghost of Alex Romero: "Tough luck, Marcus! Looks like you STILL can't impress the girls! Looks like I got off easy!"
Marcus: "I'm calling an exorcist. The whole 'friendly advice from beyond the grave' schtick is beginning to grate on my nerves."
Alex:" "

[Arnie100]

Ghost Alex: "Don't tell me you've been watching those old movies, again!"
Rush: "Actually, look behind you...I called THOSE guys..."

(Alex turns around and sees four guys with proton packs fully charged)

Alex:

[taalismn]

Vinkman: "I'm been slimed!"
Marcus: "Yeah, Alex once did that to me too, one friday night pub crawl..Apparently nothing's changed."

[Alpha 11]

Ghost of Alex Romero: "Tough luck, Marcus! Looks like you STILL can't impress the girls! Looks like I got off easy!"
Marcus: "I'm calling an exorcist. The whole 'friendly advice from beyond the grave' schtick is beginning to grate on my nerves."
Alex:" "

Ghost Alex: "Don't tell me you've been watching those old movies, again!"
Rush: "Actually, look behind you...I called THOSE guys..."

(Alex turns around and sees four guys with proton packs fully charged)

Alex:

Who are you going to call?

Vinkman: "I'm been slimed!"
Marcus: "Yeah, Alex once did that to me too, one friday night pub crawl..Apparently nothing's changed."

[SRoss]

Ghost of Alex Romero: "I think I'll just go peek in the women's shower while you're recovering there Marcus."

Rounds the corner and sees an old priest and a young priest...

Priests: (Throwing Holy Water Grenade) "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!"

Ghost of Alex Romero: " "

[taalismn]

Things Alex Romero Can Say That Would Get Him Killed(again)

-"Marcus, I watch your girlfriend undress."

-"Hey guys! Wanna hear what Marcus would say in his sleep, back when we shared a cabin?"

-"That's a sweet bit of Invid tail, Bernard! No wonder you dumped Marcus's sister!"

-"Heh! What an afterlife, hanging around the ladies' shower!"

-"You call THAT a command decision? What monkey put YOU in charge, fatso?"

-"Hey, I'm already dead! What could possibly happen to me now?"

[SRoss]

Things Alex Romero Can Say That Would Get Him KIlled(again)

-"Marcus, I watch your girlfriend undress."

-"Hey guys! Wanna hear what Marcus would say in his sleep, back when we shared a cabin?"

-"That's a sweet bit of Invid tail, Bernard! No wonder you dumped Marcus's sister!"

-"Heh! What an afterlife, hanging around the ladies' shower!"

-"You call THAT a command decision? What monkey put YOU in charge, fatso?"

-"Hey, I'm already dead! What could possibly happen to me now?"

-"Of course I don't believe in the Stirling curse!"

-"NDA? What NDA?"

-"I'm going back to the bridge of the Macross to have a smoke."

[taalismn]

-"You know they have pineapple salad in the afterlife? My favorite!"

[SRoss]

-"You know they have pineapple salad in the afterlife? My favorite!"

-"Woah! That Regis is one seriously ugly lady." (Said while standing in the Hive.)

-"Mr. and Mrs. Stirling, I'd like to date your daughter."

-"That Minmei couldn't carry a tune in a bucket." (Said while standing ahead of her in line.)

-"So J.A.N.I.CI.E., Just HOW user friendly are you?"

[taalismn]

-"Really, Doctor Nichols, do you even KNOW what a woman is? Let alone what to do with one?"

-"So...Hovertanks are that easy to operate they let baboons pilot them, Mister Dante?"

-"If you're not using one of the twins, Mister Grant, can I borrow one?"

-"Wow! That's the doc? I gotta get sick more often!"(said while in front of Vince Grant)

-"Man, you see our new commanding officer? Talk about a doddering fossil Hello, Commander Grayhair!!"(also said standing in front of Vince Grant)

[Alpha 11]

Ghost of Alex Romero: "I think I'll just go peek in the women's shower while you're recovering there Marcus."

Rounds the corner and sees an old priest and a young priest...

Priests: (Throwing Holy Water Grenade) "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!"

Ghost of Alex Romero: " "

Things Alex Romero Can Say That Would Get Him Killed(again)

-"Marcus, I watch your girlfriend undress."

-"Hey guys! Wanna hear what Marcus would say in his sleep, back when we shared a cabin?"

-"That's a sweet bit of Invid tail, Bernard! No wonder you dumped Marcus's sister!"

-"Heh! What an afterlife, hanging around the ladies' shower!"

-"You call THAT a command decision? What monkey put YOU in charge, fatso?"

-"Hey, I'm already dead! What could possibly happen to me now?"

Female voice:"Dance Sode no Shirayuki!" (For the last one said.)

OR

Male voice: "Bankai ,Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

Things Alex Romero Can Say That Would Get Him KIlled(again)

-"Marcus, I watch your girlfriend undress."

-"Hey guys! Wanna hear what Marcus would say in his sleep, back when we shared a cabin?"

-"That's a sweet bit of Invid tail, Bernard! No wonder you dumped Marcus's sister!"

-"Heh! What an afterlife, hanging around the ladies' shower!"

-"You call THAT a command decision? What monkey put YOU in charge, fatso?"

-"Hey, I'm already dead! What could possibly happen to me now?"

-"Of course I don't believe in the Stirling curse!"

-"NDA? What NDA?"

-"I'm going back to the bridge of the Macross to have a smoke."

-"You know they have pineapple salad in the afterlife? My favorite!"

-"You know they have pineapple salad in the afterlife? My favorite!"

-"Woah! That Regis is one seriously ugly lady." (Said while standing in the Hive.)

-"Mr. and Mrs. Stirling, I'd like to date your daughter."

-"That Minmei couldn't carry a tune in a bucket." (Said while standing ahead of her in line.)

-"So J.A.N.I.CI.E., Just HOW user friendly are you?"

-"Really, Doctor Nichols, do you even KNOW what a woman is? Let alone what to do with one?"

-"So...Hovertanks are that easy to operate they let baboons pilot them, Mister Dante?"

-"If you're not using one of the twins, Mister Grant, can I borrow one?"

-"Wow! That's the doc? I gotta get sick more often!"(said while in front of Vince Grant)

-"Man, you see our new commanding officer? Talk about a doddering fossil Hello, Commander Grayhair!!"(also said standing in front of Vince Grant)

[Arnie100]

-"Wow! That's the doc? I gotta get sick more often!"(said while in front of Vince Grant)

-"Man, you see our new commanding officer? Talk about a doddering fossil Hello, Commander Grayhair!!"(also said standing in front of Vince Grant)

(Outisde on the hull of the Ark Angel, with cleaning equipment)

- "Great...you just couldn't SHUT UP, could you!?"
- "How was I to know he was there behind us!?"

[taalismn]

Marcus: "I swear, I do NOT know how my gun happened to go off and almost hit you Alex, while you were relating that story about our academy days..."
Alex: "So right, buddy! WE all have our bad moments!"
Marcus:(thoughts) "Mine is that I MISSED a point blank shot..."

[Arnie100]

Maia: "RUSH!!!! Why is there a hole in the side of my Alpha!?"
Marcus: "That was ROMERO!!" ( Ditches the smoking H-90)
Alex: "Hey..."

[SRoss]

Maia: "RUSH!!!! Why is there a hole in the side of my Alpha!?"
Marcus: "That was ROMERO!!" ( Ditches the smoking H-90)
Alex: "Hey..."

GM: (Flipping pages) "Ok, damage from having a CVR-3 helmet rammed into your tonsils, anally?"

[taalismn]

Maia: "RUSH!!!! Why is there a hole in the side of my Alpha!?"
Marcus: "That was ROMERO!!" ( Ditches the smoking H-90)
Alex: "Hey..."

GM: (Flipping pages) "Ok, damage from having a CVR-3 helmet rammed into your tonsils, anally?"

Same as for having a CVR boot cracking your kidney stones, orally.

[Arnie100]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "Romero, again?"
Alex: "I have no idea what happened, Doc...I was talking to Marcjs and next thing you know...here I am..."
Dr. Grant : "Don't worry, I'll fix you up! By the way, I heard what you said about me...(Holds up a copy of Chakra Torture For Beginners)
Alex:

[Alpha 11]

-"Wow! That's the doc? I gotta get sick more often!"(said while in front of Vince Grant)

-"Man, you see our new commanding officer? Talk about a doddering fossil Hello, Commander Grayhair!!"(also said standing in front of Vince Grant)

(Outisde on the hull of the Ark Angel, with cleaning equipment)

- "Great...you just couldn't SHUT UP, could you!?"
- "How was I to know he was there behind us!?"

Marcus: "I swear, I do NOT know how my gun happened to go off and almost hit you Alex, while you were relating that story about our academy days..."
Alex: "So right, buddy! WE all have our bad moments!"
Alex:(thoughts) "Mine is that I MISSED a point blank shot..."

Maia: "RUSH!!!! Why is there a hole in the side of my Alpha!?"
Marcus: "That was ROMERO!!" ( Ditches the smoking H-90)
Alex: "Hey..."

Maia: "RUSH!!!! Why is there a hole in the side of my Alpha!?"
Marcus: "That was ROMERO!!" ( Ditches the smoking H-90)
Alex: "Hey..."

GM: (Flipping pages) "Ok, damage from having a CVR-3 helmet rammed into your tonsils, anally?"

Maia: "RUSH!!!! Why is there a hole in the side of my Alpha!?"
Marcus: "That was ROMERO!!" ( Ditches the smoking H-90)
Alex: "Hey..."

GM: (Flipping pages) "Ok, damage from having a CVR-3 helmet rammed into your tonsils, anally?"

Same as for having a CVR boot cracking your kidney stones, orally.

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "Romero, again?"
Alex: "I have no idea what happened, Doc...I was talking to Marcjs and next thing you know...here I am..."
Dr. Grant : "Don't worry, I'll fix you up! By the way, I heard what you said about me...(Holds up a copy of Chakra Torture For Beginners)
Alex:

[SRoss]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "Romero, again?"
Alex: "I have no idea what happened, Doc...I was talking to Marcjs and next thing you know...here I am..."
Dr. Grant : "Don't worry, I'll fix you up! By the way, I heard what you said about me...(Holds up a copy of Chakra Torture For Beginners)
Alex:

Meanwhile, at Palladium Books...

Rosenstein: "Hey Kevin! We're out of Chakra Torture for Beginners again!"

[taalismn]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "Romero, again?"
Alex: "I have no idea what happened, Doc...I was talking to Marcjs and next thing you know...here I am..."
Dr. Grant : "Don't worry, I'll fix you up! By the way, I heard what you said about me...(Holds up a copy of Chakra Torture For Beginners)
Alex:

Meanwhile, at Palladium Books...

Rosenstein: "Hey Kevin! We're out of Chakra Torture for Beginners again!"

Kev: "The large print edition too?"

[Arnie100]

Kev: "Looks like we'll have to a kick-starter for both the manga and full-sized editions!"

(One day later...)

Kev: "Well, that was quick....inform our customers we'll have new editions in two days!"

[taalismn]

General Reinhardt:(holding a copy of Tantric Torture for Beginners) "An important part of your mission preparedness, people, is how to resist torture. In this course you will learn how to survive 'enhanced interrogation'. But first, you must be aware of how quickly a defiant human being can be reduced to a quivering, babbling, utterly broken sorry lump of cooperative meat by a few deceptively simple techniques. For the demonstration of this I ask, not lightly, for a volunt-"
Alex Romero: (suddenly jumping up)"YIHHH!!"
"-teer. I must say, Lieutenant Romero, even knowing that you effectively assigned away any expectation of humane treatment with that waiver before taking this class, I must admire your courage to undergo great suffering to further educate your comrades!"
"Uh, well, ah..."If I ever figure out who just 'volunteered' me, I'll-

[Alpha 11]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "Romero, again?"
Alex: "I have no idea what happened, Doc...I was talking to Marcjs and next thing you know...here I am..."
Dr. Grant : "Don't worry, I'll fix you up! By the way, I heard what you said about me...(Holds up a copy of Chakra Torture For Beginners)
Alex:

Meanwhile, at Palladium Books...

Rosenstein: "Hey Kevin! We're out of Chakra Torture for Beginners again!"

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "Romero, again?"
Alex: "I have no idea what happened, Doc...I was talking to Marcjs and next thing you know...here I am..."
Dr. Grant : "Don't worry, I'll fix you up! By the way, I heard what you said about me...(Holds up a copy of Chakra Torture For Beginners)
Alex:

Meanwhile, at Palladium Books...

Rosenstein: "Hey Kevin! We're out of Chakra Torture for Beginners again!"

Kev: "The large print edition too?"

Kev: "Looks like we'll have to a kick-starter for both the manga and full-sized editions!"

(One day later...)

Kev: "Well, that was quick....inform our customers we'll have new editions in two days!"

Though shounldn't it not be to Vis media, since they own Naruto? I think?

General Reinhardt:(holding a copy of Tantric Torture for Beginners) "An important part of your mission preparedness, people, is how to resist torture. In this course you will learn how to survive 'enhanced interrogation'. But first, you must be aware of how quickly a defiant human being can be reduced to a quivering, babbling, utterly broken sorry lump of cooperative meat by a few deceptively simple techniques. For the demonstration of this I ask, not lightly, for a volunt-"
Alex Romero: (suddenly jumping up)"YIHHH!!"
"-teer. I must say, Lieutenant Romero, even knowing that you effectively assigned away any expectation of humane treatment with that waiver before taking this class, I must admire your courage to undergo great suffering to further educate your comrades!"
"Uh, well, ah..."If I ever figure out who just 'volunteered' me, I'll-

[Arnie100]

(Monument City, Earth)

Dana: "Woo-hoo! I got mine!"
Marie: "So did I! I even got it signed!"
Nova: "This will be most enlightening!"
Gnea: "What is this?" (Dana shows her a copy)
Angelo: "What are they jumping around for??"
Sean: (Shows a copy to Angelo)
Angelo: "We're so screwed..."

[taalismn]

Marcus: (Stepping out of the Interrogation Resistance classroom)'Well...that was enlightening..."
Maia: "...I know...I don't think I'll look at salad forks in the same way again..."
Marcus:(shivering) "Or corkscrews."
Maia: "Feel up to a candlelight dinner tonight?"
Marcus: "If I can get over the cold shakes every time I think of beeswax, maybe. Otherwise we'll have to go with coldcuts and flashlights."

[Arnie100]

Alex: (Being taken out on a gurney) "Why...why me?"
Maia: "I guess you're not the ladies' man you thought you were."
Marcus: "He shouldnt have been talking about our Academy days..."
Maia: "Hmmm, something I should know about?"

[taalismn]

Alex: (Being taken out on a gurney) "Why...why me?"
Maia: "I guess you're not the ladies' man you thought you were."
Marcus: "He shouldnt have been talking about our Academy days..."
Maia: "Hmmm, something I should know about?"

Alex: (from stretcher) "HE WAS A BED WETTER!!!"
Marcus: "Excuse me, Lieutenant Sterling...I have to quash an utterly untrue piece of rumor from an insect that claims to have been my roommate at some time. Can I borrow your lighter and some jumper cables?"

[Alpha 11]

(Monument City, Earth)

Dana: "Woo-hoo! I got mine!"
Marie: "So did I! I even got it signed!"
Nova: "This will be most enlightening!"
Gnea: "What is this?" (Dana shows her a copy)
Angelo: "What are they jumping around for??"
Sean: (Shows a copy to Angelo)
Angelo: "We're so screwed..."

Marcus: (Stepping out of the Interrogation Resistance classroom)'Well...that was enlightening..."
Maia: "...I know...I don't think I'll look at salad forks in the same way again..."
Marcus:(shivering) "Or corkscrews."
Maia: "Feel up to a candlelight dinner tonight?"
Marcus: "If I can get over the cold shakes every time I think of beeswax, maybe. Otherwise we'll have to go with coldcuts and flashlights."

Alex: (Being taken out on a gurney) "Why...why me?"
Maia: "I guess you're not the ladies' man you thought you were."
Marcus: "He shouldnt have been talking about our Academy days..."
Maia: "Hmmm, something I should know about?"

Alex: (Being taken out on a gurney) "Why...why me?"
Maia: "I guess you're not the ladies' man you thought you were."
Marcus: "He shouldnt have been talking about our Academy days..."
Maia: "Hmmm, something I should know about?"

Alex: (from stretcher) "HE WAS A BED WETTER!!!"
Marcus: "Excuse me, Lieutenant Sterling...I have to quash an utterly untrue piece of rumor from an insect that claims to have been my roommate at some time. Can I borrow your lighter and some jumper cables?"

[Arnie100]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "AGAIN!?"
Alex: "It wasn't MY idea, Doc!"
Dr. Grant: "I'm rather busy right now, so I'll you to my assistant..."

(Alex turns around...and sees Capt. Grant slapping on a pair of latex gloves)

Alex:
Capt. Grant: "This'll be fun!"
Alex: "Mother..."

[taalismn]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "AGAIN!?"
Alex: "It wasn't MY idea, Doc!"
Dr. Grant: "I'm rather busy right now, so I'll you to my assistant..."

(Alex turns around...and sees Capt. Grant slapping on a pair of latex gloves)

Alex:
Capt. Grant: "This'll be fun!"
Alex: "Mother..."

Vince starts singing the 'Dentist Song' from Little Shop of Horrors....

[Alpha 11]

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "AGAIN!?"
Alex: "It wasn't MY idea, Doc!"
Dr. Grant: "I'm rather busy right now, so I'll you to my assistant..."

(Alex turns around...and sees Capt. Grant slapping on a pair of latex gloves)

Alex:
Capt. Grant: "This'll be fun!"
Alex: "Mother..."

(Sick bay, Ark Angel)

Dr. Grant: "AGAIN!?"
Alex: "It wasn't MY idea, Doc!"
Dr. Grant: "I'm rather busy right now, so I'll you to my assistant..."

(Alex turns around...and sees Capt. Grant slapping on a pair of latex gloves)

Alex:
Capt. Grant: "This'll be fun!"
Alex: "Mother..."

Vince starts singing the 'Dentist Song' from Little Shop of Horrors....

[SRoss]

Khyron: (Reading the Genesis Pits Sourcebook) "Grel! this is amazing! According to this, the Regess has Similagents in our own ranks. Unbelievable, I must take precautions!" (Noticing that it is not Grel but a complete stranger standing there) "Who the devil are you?"

Hue Mann: "Hue Mann, sir! I'm one of Azonia's people."

Khyron: "Oh perfect. You'll be much more trust worthy then Grel! Here!!! Take these command codes, guard them with your life and make sure Grel doesn't sell them to that micronian woman again!!!"

Hue: (Unable to believe her luck) "THEREGESSWILLBEEXTATIC!!! ... Er ... Yes my Lord Khyron..."

Khyron: "Er ... yes ... Good man, CARRY ON!!!" (Salutes and leaves the room)

[taalismn]

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

[SRoss]

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

"Sir, are you sure giving her the secret of Magic Brownies was a good idea."

"Why not! It should help her mellow out a little..."

[taalismn]

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

"Sir, are you sure giving her the secret of Magic Brownies was a good idea."

"Why not! It should help her mellow out a little..."

Things I am NOT Allowed to Do With Flower of Life/Protoculture:

1. Magic Brownies.

[SRoss]

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

"Sir, are you sure giving her the secret of Magic Brownies was a good idea."

"Why not! It should help her mellow out a little..."

Things I am NOT Allowed to Do With Flower of Life/Protoculture:

1. Magic Brownies.

Dude! you're really harshing out my mellow...

[taalismn]

Customer Reports(January 2045): Things NOT to do with Flower of Life/Protoculture:

"Given what little Terrestrial Humanity actually knows about the Flower of Life/Protoculture, compared to the Invid(who consume it in all its myriad forms) and the Tirolians(who use it for power, propulsion, and the basis of an entire new branch of applied biological sciences and technology), it behooves us to learn as much as we can about the still-mysterious plant(and its derivatives) that have already had such an impact, for good or ill, on Humanity.

Naturally, though, as with any new field of inquiry, we can expect stumbles and falls, and more than few casualties. Such is the nature of inquiry. And even in failure, we learn SOMETHING, such as 'don't do that'.

After rigorous testing, the signing of multiple responsibility and safety waivers, and the ejection of a good deal of commonsense, we have learned the following:

1) A Substitute for Tobacco----Don't smoke it. Just don't smoke it. While we had plenty of volunteers for this experiment, we stopped after our first three volunteers vaporized. We're not sure if their last expression was of sheer bliss or sheer terror.

2) Fresh Squeezed Juice---Aside from a few anecdotes regarding mixed marriages, we discovered drinking the fresh sap of Flower of Life was ANOTHER bad idea. What few imbibing experiments that didn't end in trips to the emergency room and the ICU, have resulted in several shotgun weddings and several pregnancies we're very cautiously watching.

3) Aftershave/Perfume---Our experiments with fragrance of Flower of Life resulted in mixed results; humans had little or no reaction to the scent, but on the other hand it attracted Invid aerial units in abundance. Experiments discontinued after our sixth volunteer was abducted.

4)Detergent---Similarly, using rendered sap of Flower of Life as a freshening agent in laundry detergent resulted in clean, fresh-smelling laundry, but our laundry subsequently disappeared with subsequent visits by the Invid.

5)Pet Food---On our experiments with using Flower of Life as a dietary fiber filler for pet food, we discovered that three-inch armor plating offers the best minimum protection from cat claws. And we're still trying to figure out how to tell the UEEF that the giant creature that threatened to graze down the new settlement at New Seattle wasn't from a genesis pit."

[SRoss]

Night time, a camp near Reflex Point.

Rand secretly empties out Lunk's aftershave and refills it from a bottle marked Ode de Flower of Life.

[Alpha 11]

Khyron: (Reading the Genesis Pits Sourcebook) "Grel! this is amazing! According to this, the Regess has Similagents in our own ranks. Unbelievable, I must take precautions!" (Noticing that it is not Grel but a complete stranger standing there) "Who the devil are you?"

Hue Mann: "Hue Mann, sir! I'm one of Azonia's people."

Khyron: "Oh perfect. You'll be much more trust worthy then Grel! Here!!! Take these command codes, guard them with your life and make sure Grel doesn't sell them to that micronian woman again!!!"

Hue: (Unable to believe her luck) "THEREGESSWILLBEEXTATIC!!! ... Er ... Yes my Lord Khyron..."

Khyron: "Er ... yes ... Good man, CARRY ON!!!" (Salutes and leaves the room)

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

"Sir, are you sure giving her the secret of Magic Brownies was a good idea."

"Why not! It should help her mellow out a little..."

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

"Sir, are you sure giving her the secret of Magic Brownies was a good idea."

"Why not! It should help her mellow out a little..."

Things I am NOT Allowed to Do With Flower of Life/Protoculture:

1. Magic Brownies.

Regis: "I think the humans are onto our simulagent scheme..."
Invid Brain: "Why is that, my Regis?"
Regis: "This is the fifth 'top secret' turned in that's turned out to be an encrypted recipe book. I'm no closer to discovering the humans' military and technological secrets, but if I ever went into baking brownies, making chili, or frying chicken, we'd be set for life!"

"Sir, are you sure giving her the secret of Magic Brownies was a good idea."

"Why not! It should help her mellow out a little..."

Things I am NOT Allowed to Do With Flower of Life/Protoculture:

1. Magic Brownies.

Dude! you're really harshing out my mellow...

Customer Reports(January 2045): Things NOT to do with Flower of Life/Protoculture:

"Given what little Terrestrial Humanity actually knows about the Flower of Life/Protoculture, compared to the Invid(who consume it in all its myriad forms) and the Tirolians(who use it for power, propulsion, and the basis of an entire new branch of applied biological sciences and technology), it behooves us to learn as much as we can about the still-mysterious plant(and its derivatives) that have already had such an impact, for good or ill, on Humanity.

Naturally, though, as with any new field of inquiry, we can expect stumbles and falls, and more than few casualties. Such is the nature of inquiry. And even in failure, we learn SOMETHING, such as 'don't do that'.

After rigorous testing, the signing of multiple responsibility and safety waivers, and the ejection of a good deal of commonsense, we have learned the following:

1) A Substitute for Tobacco----Don't smoke it. Just don't smoke it. While we had plenty of volunteers for this experiment, we stopped after our first three volunteers vaporized. We're not sure if their last expression was of sheer bliss or sheer terror.

2) Fresh Squeezed Juice---Aside from a few anecdotes regarding mixed marriages, we discovered drinking the fresh sap of Flower of Life was ANOTHER bad idea. What few imbibing experiments that didn't end in trips to the emergency room and the ICU, have resulted in several shotgun weddings and several pregnancies we're very cautiously watching.

3) Aftershave/Perfume---Our experiments with fragrance of Flower of Life resulted in mixed results; humans had little or no reaction to the scent, but on the other hand it attracted Invid aerial units in abundance. Experiments discontinued after our sixth volunteer was abducted.

4)Detergent---Similarly, using rendered sap of Flower of Life as a freshening agent in laundry detergent resulted in clean, fresh-smelling laundry, but our laundry subsequently disappeared with subsequent visits by the Invid.

5)Pet Food---On our experiments with using Flower of Life as a dietary fiber filler for pet food, we discovered that three-inch armor plating offers the best minimum protection from cat claws. And we're still trying to figure out how to tell the UEEF that the giant creature that threatened to graze down the new settlement at New Seattle wasn't from a genesis pit."

VERY good list!!

Night time, a camp near Reflex Point.

Rand secretly empties out Lunk's aftershave and refills it from a bottle marked Ode de Flower of Life.

[taalismn]

6) As a Fuel Additive---We got fixed results adding distillated Flower of Life spirits in a gasohol mixture. About fifty percent of the engines we tried it in fizzled out and choked, another forty percent caught fire, and the remaining ten percent..well, we've asked the UEEF fleet to see if they can recover our lawn mowers from out near Saturn.

7) Wine---Proving that you can use just about anything to make alcohol, we used the talents of several vitners in the California territory to make us up some fermented Flower Wine, using stockpiled Flower sap hidden in a cave (so we only had to age it about an extra year). Results were initially promising; our taste testers commented on the fruity, sparkly flavor. Then one of them mutated into a giant grape. Another exploded. Another we had to recover half-frozen from the top of Mount Mckinley, where he apparently spontaneously teleported. We put a stop to further experimentation, although our vitners have suggested further aging of the spirits, and/or cutting the juice with other vintages, such some of the surviving Grand Fenwick labels.