Robotech Blooper Reels

[Alpha 11]

...as yet another of Khyron's men goes sailing out the airlock wearing completely pointless concrete galoshes...on his way into the sun....

[taalismn]

The Real Reason Why Major Maistroff Isn't Allowed More Bridge Rotations:

Captain Gloval comes onto the Bridge.
Major Maistroff rises from the Captain's Chair.
"Major Maistroff, I am here to take over bridge command."
"Captain Gloval, I hereby turn over command to you."
They salute, Maistroff goes to the door to leave, Gloval to sit down in his chair.
Gloval reaches down to re-adjust the chair settings, then recoils in disgust as his hand comes back with a wad of chewing gum stuck to it.
"MAISTROFF!!!!!!"

[Alpha 11]

The Real Reason Why Major Maistroff Isn't Allowed More Bridge Rotations:

Captain Gloval comes onto the Bridge.
Major Maistroff rises from the Captain's Chair.
"Major Maistroff, I am here to take over bridge command."
"Captain Gloval, I hereby turn over command to you."
They salute, Maistroff goes to the door to leave, Gloval to sit down in his chair.
Gloval reaches down to re-adjust the chair settings, then recoils in disgust as his hand comes back with a wad of chewing gum stuck to it.
"MAISTROFF!!!!!!"

[taalismn]

...that, and when Maistroff finishes off the pot of coffee in the officers' lounge off the bridge, he neglects to put on a fresh pot...

[SRoss]

Maistroff: (Sitting on the bridge, pulling out a cigarette) "Ahh time to relax."

#CLICK!#

Sammie: (Pointing an enormous gun at Maistroff's head) "You seriously want to reconsider that..."

Maistroff: " "

Later ...

Gloval: (Entering the bridge) "#SNIFF# What's that smell?"

[Arnie100]

The Real Reason Why Major Maistroff Isn't Allowed More Bridge Rotations:

Kim: "Claudia, where's Maj. Maistroff?"
Claudia: "Sickbay..."
Kim: "What happened?!"
Claudia: "The doctors are trying to pull his foot out of his mouth...after Maistroff tried to hit on Sammie..."

[taalismn]

"MAISTROFF! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT THERMOSTAT OR YOU BURN IN HELL!!!!"

[Arnie100]

Gloval: "MMMAIISSSTTTRROOFFF!! You sat on my pipe!!"

[taalismn]

"Major Maistroff, it is recommended that before you assume the Captain's chair YOU WAIT UNTIL THE CAPTAIN IS NO LONGER SITTING IN IT!!!!"

[SRoss]

"Major Maistroff, if you're going to keep setting off Sammie like that, then PLEASE PUT ON A PAIR OF DEPENDS[sup]tm[/sup] BEFORE SITTING IN THE CAPTAIN'S CHAIR!!!"

[Arnie100]

"Major Maistroff, if you're going to keep setting off Sammie like that, then PLEASE PUT ON A PAIR OF DEPENDS[sup]tm[/sup] BEFORE SITTING IN THE CAPTAIN'S CHAIR!!!"

"Also, Maj. Maistroff, make sure your insurance is up to date!!"

[Alpha 11]

...that, and when Maistroff finishes off the pot of coffee in the officers' lounge off the bridge, he neglects to put on a fresh pot...

Maistroff: (Sitting on the bridge, pulling out a cigarette) "Ahh time to relax."

#CLICK!#

Sammie: (Pointing an enormous gun at Maistroff's head) "You seriously want to reconsider that..."

Maistroff: " "

Later ...

Gloval: (Entering the bridge) "#SNIFF# What's that smell?"

The Real Reason Why Major Maistroff Isn't Allowed More Bridge Rotations:

Kim: "Claudia, where's Maj. Maistroff?"
Claudia: "Sickbay..."
Kim: "What happened?!"
Claudia: "The doctors are trying to pull his foot out of his mouth...after Maistroff tried to hit on Sammie..."

"MAISTROFF! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT THERMOSTAT OR YOU BURN IN HELL!!!!"

Gloval: "MMMAIISSSTTTRROOFFF!! You sat on my pipe!!"

"Major Maistroff, it is recommended that before you assume the Captain's chair YOU WAIT UNTIL THE CAPTAIN IS NO LONGER SITTING IN IT!!!!"

"Major Maistroff, if you're going to keep setting off Sammie like that, then PLEASE PUT ON A PAIR OF DEPENDS[sup]tm[/sup] BEFORE SITTING IN THE CAPTAIN'S CHAIR!!!"

"Major Maistroff, if you're going to keep setting off Sammie like that, then PLEASE PUT ON A PAIR OF DEPENDS[sup]tm[/sup] BEFORE SITTING IN THE CAPTAIN'S CHAIR!!!"

"Also, Maj. Maistroff, make sure your insurance is up to date!!"

[taalismn]

"Ah, commander?"
"Yes, ensign?"
"What do those buttons on the arms of the Captain's chair do?"
"Well, since you're newly assigned to the Bridge and will be doing regular duty here, I'll tell you. But, this is classified information, known only to the Captain and bridge personnel ONLY, nobody else, understand?"
"Understood, Commander Grant!"
"Those are 'Maistroff Controls"."
"...and what do they do?"
"Nothing. They're not connected to anything meaningful at all."
"!?"
"See, when Major Maistroff sits bridge rotation, he gets fidgety and finicky, and he starts looking for something to do. If we had working controls within his reach, he'd feel tempted to touch and press them, and that might result in disaster if he pushed the wrong buttons. But, with controls right at his fingertips, his attention is diverted, and his behavior rendered harmless."
"Uh..nonfunctioning dummy controls? Does Captain Gloval know about this?"
"It was his idea."

[taalismn]

"Vanessa, you seem calmer today. Yesterday you were practically foaming at the mouth about your lunch being stolen again from the lounge fridge."
"Well, yes, I was sort of berserk, but that was counterproductive and solved nothing. I mean, when I got mad the first ten times my lunch was stolen, it didn't do any good-"
"EEEYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
_-which is why THIS time I boobytrapped my lunch with rabid badgers."
"GETTHEMOFFGETRGEMOFFGETTHEMOFFGETTHEMOFFFFFF!!!!!!"
"-I feel much better today."

[Arnie100]

"Were those rabid badgers chasing Maj. Maistroff?!"
"Apparently so..."

[Alpha 11]

"Ah, commander?"
"Yes, ensign?"
"What do those buttons on the arms of the Captain's chair do?"
"Well, since you're newly assigned to the Bridge and will be doing regular duty here, I'll tell you. But, this is classified information, known only to the Captain and bridge personnel ONLY, nobody else, understand?"
"Understood, Commander Grant!"
"Those are 'Maistroff Controls"."
"...and what do they do?"
"Nothing. They're not connected to anything meaningful at all."
"!?"
"See, when Major Maistroff sits bridge rotation, he gets fidgety and finicky, and he starts looking for something to do. If we had working controls within his reach, he'd feel tempted to touch and press them, and that might result in disaster if he pushed the wrong buttons. But, with controls right at his fingertips, his attention is diverted, and his behavior rendered harmless."
"Uh..nonfunctioning dummy controls? Does Captain Gloval know about this?"
"It was his idea."

"Vanessa, you seem calmer today. Yesterday you were practically foaming at the mouth about your lunch being stolen again from the lounge fridge."
"Well, yes, I was sort of berserk, but that was counterproductive and solved nothing. I mean, when I got mad the first ten times my lunch was stolen, it didn't do any good-"
"EEEYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
_-which is why THIS time I boobytrapped my lunch with rabid badgers."
"GETTHEMOFFGETRGEMOFFGETTHEMOFFGETTHEMOFFFFFF!!!!!!"
"-I feel much better today."

"Were those rabid badgers chasing Maj. Maistroff?!"
"Apparently so..."

I would be kind of curious as to were she got them.

[Arnie100]

I would be kind of curious as to were she got them.

Genetically-engineered by Dr. Lang.

[SRoss]

I would be kind of curious as to were she got them.

Genetically-engineered by Dr. Lang.

Wait! Surely not THOSE!!!

[taalismn]

"I'm kinda curious, though, Vanessa, how'd you find rabid badgers on this ship?"
"They weren't rabid when I got them."
"Great....that raises even MORE questions I'm not sure I wanna know the answer to..."

[Alpha 11]

I would be kind of curious as to were she got them.

Genetically-engineered by Dr. Lang.

He's got WAY to much time on his hands if he is going that.

I would be kind of curious as to were she got them.

Genetically-engineered by Dr. Lang.

Wait! Surely not THOSE!!!

"I'm kinda curious, though, Vanessa, how'd you find rabid badgers on this ship?"
"They weren't rabid when I got them."
"Great....that raises even MORE questions I'm not sure I wanna know the answer to..."

[taalismn]

"Besides, the attack ferrets were too expensive."
"Attack ferrets...?"
"They're all the rage with celebrities these days, and the breeders know it...they're blatantly jacking up the prices. It's not as if anybody aboard the ship can go to Mexico for cheaper piranha-chihuahuas."
"I was unaware that we had a large enough high society aboard the SDF-1 that anybody would be interested in attack ferrets..."
"Oh, you'd be surprised!"

"Damnit, Jan, I TOLD you going after that Minmei girl was a bad idea! She got enough advisors surrounding her now that one of them was SURE to suggest a good offensive as the best defense! Plus she's got enough clout now that she can afford to buy up all the-""
"Shut up and hand me another roll of gauze...these bite wounds STING!"

[Arnie100]

"I'm kinda curious, though, Vanessa, how'd you find rabid badgers on this ship?"
"They weren't rabid when I got them."
"Great....that raises even MORE questions I'm not sure I wanna know the answer to..."

Vanessa: "I got them from Dr. Lang...and why don't you ask Maj. Maistroff once he's out of sick bay."

[taalismn]

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

[Alpha 11]

"Besides, the attack ferrets were too expensive."
"Attack ferrets...?"
"They're all the rage with celebrities these days, and the breeders know it...they're blatantly jacking up the prices. It's not as if anybody aboard the ship can go to Mexico for cheaper piranha-chihuahuas."
"I was unaware that we had a large enough high society aboard the SDF-1 that anybody would be interested in attack ferrets..."
"Oh, you'd be surprised!"

"Damnit, Jan, I TOLD you going after that Minmei girl was a bad idea! She got enough advisors surrounding her now that one of them was SURE to suggest a good offensive as the best defense! Plus she's got enough clout now that she can afford to buy up all the-""
"Shut up and hand me another roll of gauze...these bite wounds STING!"

"I'm kinda curious, though, Vanessa, how'd you find rabid badgers on this ship?"
"They weren't rabid when I got them."
"Great....that raises even MORE questions I'm not sure I wanna know the answer to..."

Vanessa: "I got them from Dr. Lang...and why don't you ask Maj. Maistroff once he's out of sick bay."

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

[Arnie100]

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

[taalismn]

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

"Good thing, then, you didn't look in on the egg salad."
"...uh...are those sucker marks all over your face?"

[Arnie100]

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

"Good thing, then, you didn't look in on the egg salad."
"...uh...are those sucker marks all over your face?"

"Eeeewww...the egg salad's MOVING!!!"

[taalismn]

"Can't see it. I'm covered in ink."
"So the seafood salad's at least fresh?"

[Arnie100]

"Can't see it. I'm covered in ink."
"So the seafood salad's at least fresh?"

"I wouldn't try the calamari if I were you!"

[taalismn]

"Can't see it. I'm covered in ink."
"So the seafood salad's at least fresh?"

"I wouldn't try the calamari if I were you!"

"Perhaps fishing to restock our food supplies while we were in the Pacific was a mistake...."
"Perhaps ordering the 'surf and turf' was a mistake..."
"Really? Steak and Squid?"
"GAHHHH!!!! MAX! RICK! HELP ME!!!"
"BEN! AIM FOR THE EYES! AIM FOR THE EYES! THE BRAIN'S RIGHT BEHIND THEM!"

[SRoss]

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

"Good thing, then, you didn't look in on the egg salad."
"...uh...are those sucker marks all over your face?"

"Eeeewww...the egg salad's MOVING!!!"

I'm suddenly having flashbacks to an episode of M.A.S.H.

[taalismn]

[
I'm suddenly having flashbacks to an episode of M.A.S.H.

Sleep deprivation episode?

[SRoss]

"GAHHHH!!!! MAX! RICK! HELP ME!!!"

Breetai: "Ah! Exedore, I see the inappropriate tentacle beast has captured the micronian referred to as Lisa, and the ones called Bridge Bunnies as well."

Exedore: "I think it's the other way around Lord Breetai."

[taalismn]

"GAHHHH!!!! MAX! RICK! HELP ME!!!"

Breetai: "Ah! Exedore, I see the inappropriate tentacle beast has captured the micronian referred to as Lisa, and the ones called Bridge Bunnies as well."

Exedore: "I think it's the other way around Lord Breetai."

"HEY! Watch where you're putting those things, you grabby piece of over-aged calamari!"
(sound of chainsaw starting up)

[Alpha 11]

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

"Good thing, then, you didn't look in on the egg salad."
"...uh...are those sucker marks all over your face?"

"Though earlier I'd bought a wolverine, but I somehow misplaced it. I wonder where it went."
-----
"Mister Dixon, you seem to have a large angry wolverine attached to your shoulder!"
"...no...really?"

"Ben...you've been at Vanessa's lunch AGAIN?"
"No, no...I only looked to see what she had...and then...BAM...I didn't know you could stuff a wolverine in that small space..."

"Good thing, then, you didn't look in on the egg salad."
"...uh...are those sucker marks all over your face?"

"Eeeewww...the egg salad's MOVING!!!"

"Can't see it. I'm covered in ink."
"So the seafood salad's at least fresh?"

"Can't see it. I'm covered in ink."
"So the seafood salad's at least fresh?"

"I wouldn't try the calamari if I were you!"

"Can't see it. I'm covered in ink."
"So the seafood salad's at least fresh?"

"I wouldn't try the calamari if I were you!"

"Perhaps fishing to restock our food supplies while we were in the Pacific was a mistake...."
"Perhaps ordering the 'surf and turf' was a mistake..."
"Really? Steak and Squid?"
"GAHHHH!!!! MAX! RICK! HELP ME!!!"
"BEN! AIM FOR THE EYES! AIM FOR THE EYES! THE BRAIN'S RIGHT BEHIND THEM!"

"GAHHHH!!!! MAX! RICK! HELP ME!!!"

Breetai: "Ah! Exedore, I see the inappropriate tentacle beast has captured the micronian referred to as Lisa, and the ones called Bridge Bunnies as well."

Exedore: "I think it's the other way around Lord Breetai."

"GAHHHH!!!! MAX! RICK! HELP ME!!!"

Breetai: "Ah! Exedore, I see the inappropriate tentacle beast has captured the micronian referred to as Lisa, and the ones called Bridge Bunnies as well."

Exedore: "I think it's the other way around Lord Breetai."

"HEY! Watch where you're putting those things, you grabby piece of over-aged calamari!"
(sound of chainsaw starting up)

[SRoss]

I'm suddenly having flashbacks to an episode of M.A.S.H.

Sleep deprivation episode?

The one with Pat Morita.

[SRoss]

Sammy: "Ohh! Can I keep him?"

Tentacle Beast: "!!! !!!"

[Arnie100]

Sammy: "Ohh! Can I keep him?"

Tentacle Beast: "!!! !!!"

Annie: "No way! I saw him FIRST!!!"
Tentacle Beast:

[taalismn]

Claudia: "Now...what marinara goes best with SQUID?"
Tentacle Beast: ".... ...."

[Arnie100]

Claudia: "Now...what marinara goes best with SQUID?"
Tentacle Beast: ".... ...."

Minmei: "I bet my aunt knows a good sushi recipe..."
Tentacle Beast:

[taalismn]

Claudia: "Now...what marinara goes best with SQUID?"
Tentacle Beast: ".... ...."

Minmei: "I bet my aunt knows a good sushi recipe..."
Tentacle Beast:

Rick: "Looks like it's seafood again..."
Ben: "No, no way, I'm not touching that stuff ever again!"
Max: "The alternative is spam and red beans."*
Ben: "...dish me up some octopus, willya?"

* Made the mistake of having a dish of microwave spam-and-red-beans on my dinner break. The stuff was absolutely toxic from a flavor standpoint. In order to cover the bland microwave taste, they instead overspiced the stuff(I imagine it was supposed to be 'cajun-style' or such-like) to the point of rendering it inedible.

[Alpha 11]

Sammy: "Ohh! Can I keep him?"

Tentacle Beast: "!!! !!!"

Claudia: "Now...what marinara goes best with SQUID?"
Tentacle Beast: ".... ...."

Pinapple salide.

Claudia: "Now...what marinara goes best with SQUID?"
Tentacle Beast: ".... ...."

Minmei: "I bet my aunt knows a good sushi recipe..."
Tentacle Beast:

Claudia: "Now...what marinara goes best with SQUID?"
Tentacle Beast: ".... ...."

Minmei: "I bet my aunt knows a good sushi recipe..."
Tentacle Beast:

Rick: "Looks like it's seafood again..."
Ben: "No, no way, I'm not touching that stuff ever again!"
Max: "The alternative is spam and red beans."*
Ben: "...dish me up some octopus, willya?"

* Made the mistake of having a dish of microwave spam-and-red-beans on my dinner break. The stuff was absolutely toxic from a flavor standpoint. In order to cover the bland microwave taste, they instead overspiced the stuff(I imagine it was supposed to be 'cajun-style' or such-like) to the point of rendering it inedible.

[taalismn]

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

[Alpha 11]

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

[Arnie100]

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

Tentacle Beast: (Wishing it were someplace, ANYPLACE, but here with these crazy humans! Have to find a hiding place from that crazy human that keeps callimg me MR. SQUISHY...)

[taalismn]

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

Tentacle Beast: (Wishing it were someplace, ANYPLACE, but here with these crazy humans! Have to find a hiding place from that crazy human that keeps callimg me MR. SQUISHY...)

T.R. Edwards: "Why does my apartment reek of FISH?!"

[Arnie100]

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

Tentacle Beast: (Wishing it were someplace, ANYPLACE, but here with these crazy humans! Have to find a hiding place from that crazy human that keeps callimg me MR. SQUISHY...)

T.R. Edwards: "Why does my apartment reek of FISH?!"

Bio-Sanitation Squad Leader: "OPEN UP, Edwards!! We KNOW you're hiding that beastie in there!! Release that squid!! We want that calamari!"
Edwards: "Squid?! What squid?! (Finally notices squid in aquarium, how did it get in there??) Oh; Lord, why me..."

[taalismn]

"Move aside! WE'll handle this! Squid are OUR province!"
BSS Trooper: "Sea Squad?! What are you guys doing here?!"
Sea Squad Trooper: "You heard me! This involves giant squid! It's OUR job!(plus we hardly ever show up in this thread)!"
BSS Trooper:"But we're a hundred miles INLAND! And on the eighteenth floor! The sea, or deep water for that matter, isn't anywhere NEAR here!"
Sea Squad Trooper:"Wait. Just wait."

Edwards: "..what's that gurgling noise...?!"

[Alpha 11]

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

Tentacle Beast: (Wishing it were someplace, ANYPLACE, but here with these crazy humans! Have to find a hiding place from that crazy human that keeps callimg me MR. SQUISHY...)

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

Tentacle Beast: (Wishing it were someplace, ANYPLACE, but here with these crazy humans! Have to find a hiding place from that crazy human that keeps callimg me MR. SQUISHY...)

T.R. Edwards: "Why does my apartment reek of FISH?!"

Minmei: " Old family recipe for battalion-sized calamari sushi....First take one giant squid, preferably still alive and twitching, run it through an industrial wood chipper..."

Tentacle Beast: (Wishing it were someplace, ANYPLACE, but here with these crazy humans! Have to find a hiding place from that crazy human that keeps callimg me MR. SQUISHY...)

T.R. Edwards: "Why does my apartment reek of FISH?!"

Bio-Sanitation Squad Leader: "OPEN UP, Edwards!! We KNOW you're hiding that beastie in there!! Release that squid!! We want that calamari!"
Edwards: "Squid?! What squid?! (Finally notices squid in aquarium, how did it get in there??) Oh; Lord, why me..."

"Move aside! WE'll handle this! Squid are OUR province!"
BSS Trooper: "Sea Squad?! What are you guys doing here?!"
Sea Squad Trooper: "You heard me! This involves giant squid! It's OUR job!(plus we hardly ever show up in this thread)!"
BSS Trooper:"But we're a hundred miles INLAND! And on the eighteenth floor! The sea, or deep water for that matter, isn't anywhere NEAR here!"
Sea Squad Trooper:"Wait. Just wait."

Edwards: "..what's that gurgling noise...?!"

[Arnie100]

Edwards: (As a flood of water empties into his apartment) "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"
Sea Squad Trooper: "Alrigbt, boys, let's go get him!"
BSS Leader: "Now. Hold on...there's a matter of jurisdiction here..."
Edwards: "Help!! This thing's holding me hostage! "
BSS Leader: "...On the other hand, it's all yours!"