Damian Magecraft wrote:For half of them to be true you would have to be such an emotional and mental wreck that printing your own name in something other than crayon would be a milestone achievement and forming and sharing cognitive thoughts a pipe dream.
You underestimate people Damian. Sometimes there is only so many times someone can be told that they'll never amount to anything or be nothing before that turns into fuel, passion, and drive. My entire life I've heard that same garbage thinking tossed at me, since primary school. Yet, here I am. If you want to assume that someone who comes from a bad environment cannot raise above their lot in life, that is your choice. If you want to believe that its the internet so I am a liar, that is also your choice. Likewise, if you have no sympathy for my situation (which I do not actually want, for the record) than that is your choice too. However,
please don't assume to know my mind without first knowing me. I have on repeated occasions shared parts of my life with people on this forum in a grand effort for others to understand my perspective BECAUSE I myself have not always agreed with it and I UNDERSTAND why it might seem strange or different to some people. Most people have not ever imagined many of the things I have experienced and lived though, that does not mean I want pity or sympathy. It just means they do not know what a person is capable of doing. They (like the above statement) assume that just because their mother was a junkie during pregnancy that they cannot be born an intelligent person, well, I have proven that wrong. They
assume that their roots limit them. However, in my case (and I am the first to admit its rare) it made me NOT want to be anything like that more than I think you can begin to imagine. I watched most of the friends I grow up with fall back into drugs and alcoholism and end up teen mothers. I watched them turn into their parents after promising that would never happen. I'm not saying that for sympathy. I am saying that because I want you to FOR A MOMENT stop and imagine what you would think in that experience. Would you think, well... if everyone else is doing it... because as "weak" and "lame" and "pathetic" as it is, coming from that I did--not for long mind you--but I did. I had that moment where I thought "Hey, maybe I should just be like Shane, or Debbie, or Matt" it looks like fun. Instead, I chose to take a hard path in life and be more than that and not repeat my mother's mistakes and become my father. So in one regard you are right, it was a massive milestone achievement in my life. I've had many. Fortunately, the good thing about being born into a crappy family life and told you'll never amount to anything, is that if you can get past it (and I won't lie, it took me years--into my mid twenties--to let go of all the bitterness and anger) than everything else seems small by comparison. Things you might think are grandiose or monumental achievements were only made possible BECAUSE of my **** past and perspective. Case-in-point, JMD, the guy who taught me to write (he is a writer that is well-known for his work on Spider-man and the DCU animated series) taught me how to write (before then I was a terrible writer!) BECAUSE someone had done the same for him. Like him, I was an aspiring comic book ARTIST but I could not find a writer. I wrote to J.M. because some of his work was the very thing that inspired me to try to be more (the earliest Spider-man Clone Saga comics; the flip books, were about coming from an abusive home and having no direction in your life but one you make and they shaped me fundamentally as a person). we became good friends and he taught me everything I know today. Without him, I would be still throwing people into walls when I felt like they were out of line and I wouldn't know the difference between THEN and THAN.
But the simple reality is, I do, because I gave it time. While other people were playing RPGs or Video Games, I traveled the world foolishly believing that I would find some magic place I would fit in or that would make sense. That doesn't take some magical talent or skill, picking up and walking somewhere else or working picking up glasses in a bar until you can afford your next plane ticket isn't anything
special. Its just what I did. That was ME and that is largely what has made me "Liam."
Now, if I sat and wallowed and believed what you said (or if I was the person you categorize in the above statement) than I wouldn't even be here. I wouldn't be able to express these things. So, in a way, I understand where you are coming from. However, that is not the person I want to be--and it is not the person I choose to be. I have certification from Mensa, I have accomplished a lot in my life, and I have recently started my own family. I make no aspersions that I am not a lucky guy, but I've had a long hard slog of it getting here and its been 50% luck and 50% hard work.
Damian Magecraft wrote:Plus... This is the internet... people lie. (if they didnt we wouldnt need sites like Snopes would we?). So you can see why I show skepticism.
I guess I see your point. I've just always been a larger than life person. At school I was the class clown. When someone said I couldn't do something, I did it to prove them wrong (or got hurt trying as was often the case
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). I just wish,
sincerely wish, that people who were going to say these things got to know me first or at least asked for references. Instead, every time I have shown someone their preconceptions aren't right they get angry. Like when people were calling me "stupid" like my old gamer friends used to so I posted my Mensa certificate from 2011 and then everyone accused me of calling everyone else stupid. Which, I never even did. I just want the respect and credit I am due. If people were upset over my actions, I'd understand, but I don't get (I honestly don't get!) why people feel compelled to try to attack/hurt me on this forum just because I do not agree with their assessment of things and (like you) do not take their non-sense at face value. The thing is Damian, people don't just lie on the internet. They lie in real life too; they lie to themselves. They see the truth they WANT to be true and rarely take the time to scrape below the surface and find facts. I call this Willful Ignorance and I hate this more than anything else in the world. More than I hate my wanker of a father, more than I hate James for giving Joel the **** he O.D.ed on. I
hate ignorance and I hate ignorant people who pick and choose their reality and then condemn others based on that. People who cut people down instead of trying to be more than they are. Very recently (last night actually) after some deep soul searching, prayer, and thought I realized why that was... because for me, its easy to fight. I've had to fight very hard my entire life, verbally, physically, emotionally. So when I am attacked, I respond in kind. Likewise, when I see attacks on people I consider dear friends, I attack. It is a bad habit (I never claimed I was perfect) and there are a lot of things I need to work on as a person, but being a liar isn't one of them.
I am lucky to have the opportunities and experiences I have had (case in point).Well, yet again I have put myself out there (but this is the last time). Now, you can read it and use it as a tool for understanding me
or you can assume I am a liar and out for sympathy. However, at the end of the day what do I get if you are sympathetic? Sweet **** all, it'd be a hell of a lot of effort just for someone to say "There, there, Liam." Especially someone I do not know, and I'd never meet. I share this personal information with strangers so they can get a new perspective. If you don't want to, that is up to you and I won't be bringing it up on the boards again. I sincerely, just wanted to help people understand HOW I reach the conclusions I do because to quote an old friend of mine "You think more deeply than most other people, so sometimes you might need to explain that for people to understand."
Finally, as for over-planning thing being common to new G.M.s that is good to know, makes me feel a little better about things. Thanks.
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