Robotech Blooper Reels

[Alpha 11]

Gura Invid Lisa Clone #1: "What's that you're reading, sister?"
Gura Invid Lisa Clone #2: "How To Serve Man...it has some very tasty recipes!"
Edwards: "Uhm...Minmei..."
Minmei: "She said MAN, not WO-man."
Edwards: "I hate you.."

Lisa: "She does know the title refers to the the race, not the gender, right?"

Edwards: "(gasp)Water! I need water! Moisture!(pant!) I thirst!"
"WouLD yoU LIke a reFREShing peTiT coLA?"
Edwards: (seeing the Petit Cola machine roll up in front of him) "YES! Salvarin! Oh, something to DRINK! Yes, give me a COLA!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: (struggling in his bonds)"What?! "
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: "HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT?! I'M TIED TO THIS TREE AND I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY ON ME!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: "GIMME A DRINK!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: "ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"

Edwards: "(gasp)Water! I need water! Moisture!(pant!) I thirst!"
"WouLD yoU LIke a reFREShing peTiT coLA?"
Edwards: (seeing the Petit Cola machine roll up in front of him) "YES! Salvarin! Oh, something to DRINK! Yes, give me a COLA!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: (struggling in his bonds)"What?! "
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: "HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT?! I'M TIED TO THIS TREE AND I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY ON ME!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: "GIMME A DRINK!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"
Edwards: "ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!"
"PlEAZE dePOSit ONE doLLAR for a reDRESHing peTIT coLA!"

Petit Cola Machine begins playing commercial jingle...

Edwards & Minmei: "ARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!! THAT HORRIBLE NOISE!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!"

Edvwards is even more susceptible because Minmei's been humming elevator music most of the time.

True.

Edwards: "Just... (gasp)...one... (pant)...drink..."

(Sound of thunder...then)

Edwards: "Oh, no..."
Minmei: "You had to ask!"

Edwards: "The giant hailsone to the teeth was NOT the way I wanted my moisture!"

Minmei: "I'm singin' in the rain...singin' in the rain...what a wonderful fee --"
Edwards: "Will you just stop, already!"
Minmei: "I'm just trying to be upbeat about this whole situation!"

Minmei: "Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life.." *whistles*


Edwards: "Don't start that again!"

[Alpha 11]

Edwards: "Just... (gasp)...one... (pant)...drink..."

(Sound of thunder...then)

Edwards: "Oh, no..."
Minmei: "You had to ask!"

A massive lightning bolt fries the Petit Cola machine in mid jingle...

Minmei: "See things are looking up already!"

Why We Should Be Grateful The ASS-1 Crashed on -Macross- Island and NOT Manhattan Island:

-Queens, Brooklyn, and New Jersey wouldn't much care if Manhattan vanished or was blasted by aliens.
-The Statute of Liberty would not make a dignified spaceship hood ornament
-Miriya would get lost in a transplanted Central Park
-Albino alligators in the ship's water management system
-Gloval would go nuts trying to make sense of the New Yorker accent
-The townspeople would insist on buzzing Boston during baseball season.
-'Intrepid Punch' doesn't sound quite as powerful as 'Prometheus Attack'
-Nor does 'Brooklyn Bridge Attack' sound so great.
-Rick Hunter wouldn't be able to afford an apartment in transplanted NYC, even with a military housing allowance.
-Spaceship corridors. New York City taxi cab drivers. Scared yet?
-Konda, Bron, and Rico would be mugged within five minutes of sneaking aboard.
-Khyron wouldn't last ten seconds against New Yorkers defending their home turf....especially if he was wearing red socks.
-New Yorkers are insufferable enough; you want to give them a Superheavy Reflex Cannon(aka 'Main Gun')? (Although that might be what it takes to make Texas clam up)

Why We Should Be Grateful The ASS-1 Crashed on -Macross- Island and NOT Manhattan Island:

- No giant monsters terrorizing the interior of the ship (e.g. King Kong, Zilla, etc.).

Why We Should Be Grateful The ASS-1 Crashed on -Macross- Island and NOT Manhattan Island:

- No giant monsters terrorizing the interior of the ship (e.g. King Kong, Zilla, etc.).

Khyron: "Hah! The micronians offer no resistance to my capture of their ship! At last! Advance my minions, haahahahhhaha...what micronian treachery is THAT?!"

"Captain Gloval? Threat-designation 'Cloverfield' has encountered Threat-designation 'Khyron'. Permission to blow the entire block into deep space?"

Why We Should Be Grateful The ASS-1 Crashed on -Macross- Island and NOT Manhattan Island:

- No giant monsters terrorizing the interior of the ship (e.g. King Kong, Zilla, etc.).

Khyron: "Hah! The micronians offer no resistance to my capture of their ship! At last! Advance my minions, haahahahhhaha...what micronian treachery is THAT?!"

"Captain Gloval? Threat-designation 'Cloverfield' has encountered Threat-designation 'Khyron'. Permission to blow the entire block into deep space?"

Capt. Gloval: "Not yet...has that section been evacuated? Good! Dis could prove most entertaining, da?"

(Interior, ASS-1)

Khyron: "AAAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!!"

[taalismn]

Ah, it's the ASS-1 when it crashes on Macross Island. Once it's commissioned into Terran service, it's the SDF-1. Just to spare the poor ship any further undue embarrassment among its fellow Ships of Legend.

[glitterboy2098]

pretty sure the ASS designation is macross canon.. don't think robotech ever named it at that stage.
still, "ASS-1" and "The Visitor" being carried over from macross canon isn't a bad stopgap.

[SRoss]

Why We Should Be Grateful The ASS-1 Crashed on -Macross- Island and NOT Manhattan Island:

One word: Taggers

[Arnie100]

Ah, it's the ASS-1 when it crashes on Macross Island. Once it's commissioned into Terran service, it's the SDF-1. Just to spare the poor ship any further undue embarrassment among its fellow Ships of Legend.

Khyron: "They named this ship after the human's rear end?! Ahahahahahahahaha!"

(Back on Earth)

Senator Moran: "Whose bright idea was this?? We'll be the joke of the entire galaxy!"
Dr. Lang: "Alright, alright...I'll change it...I thought it sounded cool..."

[glitterboy2098]

Ah, it's the ASS-1 when it crashes on Macross Island. Once it's commissioned into Terran service, it's the SDF-1. Just to spare the poor ship any further undue embarrassment among its fellow Ships of Legend.

Khyron: "They named this ship after the human's rear end?! Ahahahahahahahaha!"

(Back on Earth)

Senator Moran: "Whose bright idea was this?? We'll be the joke of the entire galaxy!"
Dr. Lang: "Alright, alright...I'll change it...I thought it sounded cool..."

Senator Moran: "we should stick to this greek mythology thing we have going for the new navy ships. lets see, the next on the list is "Uranus".. i like it!"
Admiral Hayes: *facepalms*

[taalismn]

"...and do something about renaming our conventional thruster system; I suspect anti-UEG sabotage in the naming of the Fusion Atmospheric Repulsion Tactical System. "

[Alpha 11]

Ah, it's the ASS-1 when it crashes on Macross Island. Once it's commissioned into Terran service, it's the SDF-1. Just to spare the poor ship any further undue embarrassment among its fellow Ships of Legend.

Why We Should Be Grateful The ASS-1 Crashed on -Macross- Island and NOT Manhattan Island:

One word: Taggers

Ah, it's the ASS-1 when it crashes on Macross Island. Once it's commissioned into Terran service, it's the SDF-1. Just to spare the poor ship any further undue embarrassment among its fellow Ships of Legend.

Khyron: "They named this ship after the human's rear end?! Ahahahahahahahaha!"

(Back on Earth)

Senator Moran: "Whose bright idea was this?? We'll be the joke of the entire galaxy!"
Dr. Lang: "Alright, alright...I'll change it...I thought it sounded cool..."

Ah, it's the ASS-1 when it crashes on Macross Island. Once it's commissioned into Terran service, it's the SDF-1. Just to spare the poor ship any further undue embarrassment among its fellow Ships of Legend.

Khyron: "They named this ship after the human's rear end?! Ahahahahahahahaha!"

(Back on Earth)

Senator Moran: "Whose bright idea was this?? We'll be the joke of the entire galaxy!"
Dr. Lang: "Alright, alright...I'll change it...I thought it sounded cool..."

Senator Moran: "we should stick to this greek mythology thing we have going for the new navy ships. lets see, the next on the list is "Uranus".. i like it!"
Admiral Hayes: *facepalms*

"...and do something about renaming our conventional thruster system; I suspect anti-UEG sabotage in the naming of the Fusion Atmospheric Repulsion Tactical System. "

[taalismn]

"Just be glad you don't work for Special Headquarters Intelligence Taskforce."
"....you poor bastard."
"It gets worse...we have official shoulder patches."
"Bartender! Set this man up for an alcoholic binge on me!"

[Arnie100]

"There's also the Police Intelligence Special Services. They make 'em wear these yellow uniforms..."

[taalismn]

"There's also the Police Intelligence Special Services. They make 'em wear these yellow uniforms..."

"Bartender! Bring the absinthe!"

[SRoss]

Could be worse...

I remember an SF rpg where they named the Assault Rifle the MilASS.

[taalismn]

Could be worse...

I remember an SF rpg where they named the Assault Rifle the MilASS.

You really don't want to shoot yourself with that if for no other reason to have the accident report write that up for the permanent record.

[Alpha 11]

"Just be glad you don't work for Special Headquarters Intelligence Taskforce."
"....you poor bastard."
"It gets worse...we have official shoulder patches."
"Bartender! Set this man up for an alcoholic binge on me!"

"There's also the Police Intelligence Special Services. They make 'em wear these yellow uniforms..."

"There's also the Police Intelligence Special Services. They make 'em wear these yellow uniforms..."

"Bartender! Bring the absinthe!"

Could be worse...

I remember an SF rpg where they named the Assault Rifle the MilASS.

Could be worse...

I remember an SF rpg where they named the Assault Rifle the MilASS.

You really don't want to shoot yourself with that if for no other reason to have the accident report write that up for the permanent record.

[taalismn]

"Okay, I admit the UEEF is kinda starved for cash and we're looking for ideas for greater fiscal independence....but a line of swimsuits based on our insignia?!"
"See, this triangle goes down here and these two triangles cover the essentials up here, and well it's a thong, and that's just the new style insignia! With the old single triangle we can one piece, or use multiple pieces..."
(facepalm)"...I am NOT going to try to explain this to the high command...I'm sure this violates SOME regulation...."

[Arnie100]

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

[Alpha 11]

"Okay, I admit the UEEF is kinda starved for cash and we're looking for ideas for greater fiscal independence....but a line of swimsuits based on our insignia?!"
"See, this triangle goes down here and these two triangles cover the essentials up here, and well it's a thong, and that's just the new style insignia! With the old single triangle we can one piece, or use multiple pieces..."
(facepalm)"...I am NOT going to try to explain this to the high command...I'm sure this violates SOME regulation...."

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

[taalismn]

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

"Clearly you have not faced the dreaded 'Pink Terror Qaudronos'."
"Never heard of them."
"For good reason. Who would admit they were demolished by anything called the 'Pink Terror'?"

[SRoss]

Khyron looked at the squad of pink veritechs coming toward him. Unlike Azonia, he was still rolling on the ground laughing when the missile barrage hit.

[glitterboy2098]

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

Macross beat you to it..
http://www.macross2.net/m3/macross7/vf-11maxlcustom.htm

[Arnie100]

Khyron looked at the squad of pink veritechs coming toward him. Unlike Azonia, he was still rolling on the ground laughing when the missile barrage hit.

Azonia: "Hah! You should've taken them seriously!"
Khyron: "Okay, okay...you made your point! Grell? Is that...a camera? Were you recording that?!"

[Arnie100]

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

Macross beat you to it..
http://www.macross2.net/m3/macross7/vf-11maxlcustom.htm

Imqgine Dr. Lang coming up with something like that.

[taalismn]

And the less said about the rampage of the 'Hello Kitty' Regult battalion post-Rain, the better.

[Alpha 11]

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

"Clearly you have not faced the dreaded 'Pink Terror Qaudronos'."
"Never heard of them."
"For good reason. Who would admit they were demolished by anything called the 'Pink Terror'?"

Khyron looked at the squad of pink veritechs coming toward him. Unlike Azonia, he was still rolling on the ground laughing when the missile barrage hit.

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

Macross beat you to it..
http://www.macross2.net/m3/macross7/vf-11maxlcustom.htm

Khyron looked at the squad of pink veritechs coming toward him. Unlike Azonia, he was still rolling on the ground laughing when the missile barrage hit.

Azonia: "Hah! You should've taken them seriously!"
Khyron: "Okay, okay...you made your point! Grell? Is that...a camera? Were you recording that?!"

"Heh, have you seen the designs for the new veritechs? They're pink...and they've got...you know..."
"I will not fly in one of those!!"

Macross beat you to it..
http://www.macross2.net/m3/macross7/vf-11maxlcustom.htm

Imqgine Dr. Lang coming up with something like that.

And the less said about the rampage of the 'Hello Kitty' Regult battalion post-Rain, the better.

[taalismn]

"...grel..."
"Lord Khyron?"
"...grel!...."
"Lord Khyron? Where are you?"
"...grel...grel....here!...help!..."
"Milord Khyron! You're in THERE?"
"..grel...now!"
"At once, milord!"(sound of door jiggling) "It's locked, sir!"
'...grel!!!"
"Right."(sound of door being forced) "What can I do for you....lord khyron...?!"
"...quit...staring...and get me...out...or...here! now!"
"Right, at once, sir!"
(PULL)
"...acyk!..."
(PULL)
"...gerk!...."
(PULL)
"...gech!...."
"Gonna have to brace myself. Hold on!"
"...get it over with, grel!"
(PULL-YANK!)
*POPF*
#SLAM#
"...grel?..."
"Yes, milord?"
"First...we say NOTHING of this. Second, see to the immediate execution of the maintenance technicians who didn't inform me the waste disposal system has opened to vacuum."
"Understood, milord."

[Arnie100]

"One more thing..."
"Yes, Milord?"
(Sounds of pictures being taken)
"Put away the camera before I make you eat it!"
"I don't have one, Milord..."
"Then who...Azonia?!"
"This will come in handy!!!" (Waves the camera)

[taalismn]

"Azonia, give me the camera."
"No."
"Is that your last word on it?"
"Indeed, Khyron!"
"Very well, you leave me no choice."
"What are you going to do?"
"This."
*FLUSH*
TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
(sound of air evacuating from a small room carrying every small loose object away with it)
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"
**GOTTHOP!**
"Damn! Failed my Physical Prowess roll before I lost my camera!"
"And Grel's head plugged the drain AFTER your infernal device got sucked away! I win yet again, ahahahahahahhahah!!!"
" Just you wait, Khyron! There will be other opportunities, and I'll be waiting! You can't escape them all!!!"
"Be that as it may, my dear, but I doubt it! Now you be off!"
"Vengeance will be mine, Khyron!"
*slam*
"Now, Grel, about those executions! Oh wait, your head's sealing the drain, isn't?"
"mmmppphhhfff!!"
"Maybe I should have the technicians repair the drain system THEN personally execute them."

[SRoss]

Deep in the South American Jungle...

Khyron: "BY THE PROTOCULTURE!!! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH!?!"

Grel: "Sorry Lord Khyron, we restocked the cruiser's water supplies from local sources. The men have been so sick, all the toilets are blocked up."

Azonia rushes in elbowing her way past Grel and Khyron yanking her pants down as she goes.

Grel: "See what I mean?"

#CLICK#

Khyron: "Grel! You dare take a picture of a superior officer in an embarrassing position?"

Khyron: "I'll have a wallet size, Grel..."

[taalismn]

#CLICK#

Khyron: "Grel! You dare take a picture of a superior officer in an embarrassing position?"

Khyron: "I'll have a wallet size, Grel..."

Later....
Khyron: "...I honestly wasn't expecting her to pull out that rocket launcher...."
Medical Corpsman: "The good news is, milord, you'll be able to that arm in another week, and the burns will EVENTUALLY heal. As for Commander Grel.."
Khyron:(disinterestedly) "Yes?"
Medical Corpsman: "The munitions team THINK they might be able to remove the second missile from his spleen, but it's going to be tricky."

[Alpha 11]

"...grel..."
"Lord Khyron?"
"...grel!...."
"Lord Khyron? Where are you?"
"...grel...grel....here!...help!..."
"Milord Khyron! You're in THERE?"
"..grel...now!"
"At once, milord!"(sound of door jiggling) "It's locked, sir!"
'...grel!!!"
"Right."(sound of door being forced) "What can I do for you....lord khyron...?!"
"...quit...staring...and get me...out...or...here! now!"
"Right, at once, sir!"
(PULL)
"...acyk!..."
(PULL)
"...gerk!...."
(PULL)
"...gech!...."
"Gonna have to brace myself. Hold on!"
"...get it over with, grel!"
(PULL-YANK!)
*POPF*
#SLAM#
"...grel?..."
"Yes, milord?"
"First...we say NOTHING of this. Second, see to the immediate execution of the maintenance technicians who didn't inform me the waste disposal system has opened to vacuum."
"Understood, milord."

"One more thing..."
"Yes, Milord?"
(Sounds of pictures being taken)
"Put away the camera before I make you eat it!"
"I don't have one, Milord..."
"Then who...Azonia?!"
"This will come in handy!!!" (Waves the camera)

"Azonia, give me the camera."
"No."
"Is that your last word on it?"
"Indeed, Khyron!"
"Very well, you leave me no choice."
"What are you going to do?"
"This."
*FLUSH*
TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
(sound of air evacuating from a small room carrying every small loose object away with it)
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"
**GOTTHOP!**
"Damn! Failed my Physical Prowess roll before I lost my camera!"
"And Grel's head plugged the drain AFTER your infernal device got sucked away! I win yet again, ahahahahahahhahah!!!"
" Just you wait, Khyron! There will be other opportunities, and I'll be waiting! You can't escape them all!!!"
"Be that as it may, my dear, but I doubt it! Now you be off!"
"Vengeance will be mine, Khyron!"
*slam*
"Now, Grel, about those executions! Oh wait, your head's sealing the drain, isn't?"
"mmmppphhhfff!!"
"Maybe I should have the technicians repair the drain system THEN personally execute them."

Deep in the South American Jungle...

Khyron: "BY THE PROTOCULTURE!!! WHO DIDN'T FLUSH!?!"

Grel: "Sorry Lord Khyron, we restocked the cruiser's water supplies from local sources. The men have been so sick, all the toilets are blocked up."

Azonia rushes in elbowing her way past Grel and Khyron yanking her pants down as she goes.

Grel: "See what I mean?"

#CLICK#

Khyron: "Grel! You dare take a picture of a superior officer in an embarrassing position?"

Khyron: "I'll have a wallet size, Grel..."

#CLICK#

Khyron: "Grel! You dare take a picture of a superior officer in an embarrassing position?"

Khyron: "I'll have a wallet size, Grel..."

Later....
Khyron: "...I honestly wasn't expecting her to pull out that rocket launcher...."
Medical Corpsman: "The good news is, milord, you'll be able to that arm in another week, and the burns will EVENTUALLY heal. As for Commander Grel.."
Khyron:(disinterestedly) "Yes?"
Medical Corpsman: "The munitions team THINK they might be able to remove the second missile from his spleen, but it's going to be tricky."

Bunch of good ones today.

[Arnie100]

Later....
Khyron: "...I honestly wasn't expecting her to pull out that rocket launcher...."
Medical Corpsman: "The good news is, milord, you'll be able to that arm in another week, and the burns will EVENTUALLY heal. As for Commander Grel.."
Khyron:(disinterestedly) "Yes?"
Medical Corpsman: "The munitions team THINK they might be able to remove the second missile from his spleen, but it's going to be tricky."

Khyron: "Waitaminute...we don't have a medical corps!! Who are you?!"
Medical Corpsman: "You've been hiding from me again... (as she rips off her mask to reveal...SAMMIE PORTER in a nurse's outfit!!)"
Khyron: "YOU!!! How'd you get here?!"
Azonia: "HAHAHAHAHA! I told you I'd have my revenge!" (Pulls out a camera)
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

[taalismn]

[
Khyron: "Waitaminute...we don't have a medical corps!! Who are you?!"
Medical Corpsman: "You've been hiding from me again... (as she rips off her mask to reveal...SAMMIE PORTER in a nurse's outfit!!)"
Khyron: "YOU!!! How'd you get here?!"
Azonia: "HAHAHAHAHA! I told you I'd have my revenge!" (Pulls out a camera)
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

UEDF Sarge: "And this, gentlemen, is why you NEVER #### off a female officer."
(POV drawback to show he's got a wall projection of Khyron sporting a full frontal plasma missile burn...it ain't pretty)

[SRoss]

Khyron: "THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'M VENTING THE WASTE DISPOSAL SYSTEM!"

Grel: "NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"

Cut to a satellite view as a brown lake appears in the South American jungle.

Azona: "We're in a crater dummy..."

[Arnie100]

(UEDF Recon Patrol)

Pilot #1: "I think I found 'em..."
Pilot #2: "How?"
Pilot #1: "Notice the smell?"
Pilot #2: "What sm -- OH MY GOD!!"
Pilot #1: "Yep. I'm calling in a reflex missile strike to sanitize the area."

[taalismn]

(UEDF Recon Patrol)

Pilot #1: "I think I found 'em..."
Pilot #2: "How?"
Pilot #1: "Notice the smell?"
Pilot #2: "What sm -- OH MY GOD!!"
Pilot #1: "Yep. I'm calling in a reflex missile strike to sanitize the area."

"If the missile doesn't get them, the methane explosion WILL."

[Alpha 11]

Later....
Khyron: "...I honestly wasn't expecting her to pull out that rocket launcher...."
Medical Corpsman: "The good news is, milord, you'll be able to that arm in another week, and the burns will EVENTUALLY heal. As for Commander Grel.."
Khyron:(disinterestedly) "Yes?"
Medical Corpsman: "The munitions team THINK they might be able to remove the second missile from his spleen, but it's going to be tricky."

Khyron: "Waitaminute...we don't have a medical corps!! Who are you?!"
Medical Corpsman: "You've been hiding from me again... (as she rips off her mask to reveal...SAMMIE PORTER in a nurse's outfit!!)"
Khyron: "YOU!!! How'd you get here?!"
Azonia: "HAHAHAHAHA! I told you I'd have my revenge!" (Pulls out a camera)
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

[
Khyron: "Waitaminute...we don't have a medical corps!! Who are you?!"
Medical Corpsman: "You've been hiding from me again... (as she rips off her mask to reveal...SAMMIE PORTER in a nurse's outfit!!)"
Khyron: "YOU!!! How'd you get here?!"
Azonia: "HAHAHAHAHA! I told you I'd have my revenge!" (Pulls out a camera)
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

UEDF Sarge: "And this, gentlemen, is why you NEVER #### off a female officer."
(POV drawback to show he's got a wall projection of Khyron sporting a full frontal plasma missile burn...it ain't pretty)

Khyron: "THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'M VENTING THE WASTE DISPOSAL SYSTEM!"

Grel: "NNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"

Cut to a satellite view as a brown lake appears in the South American jungle.

Azona: "We're in a crater dummy..."

[Alpha 11]

(UEDF Recon Patrol)

Pilot #1: "I think I found 'em..."
Pilot #2: "How?"
Pilot #1: "Notice the smell?"
Pilot #2: "What sm -- OH MY GOD!!"
Pilot #1: "Yep. I'm calling in a reflex missile strike to sanitize the area."

(UEDF Recon Patrol)

Pilot #1: "I think I found 'em..."
Pilot #2: "How?"
Pilot #1: "Notice the smell?"
Pilot #2: "What sm -- OH MY GOD!!"
Pilot #1: "Yep. I'm calling in a reflex missile strike to sanitize the area."

"If the missile doesn't get them, the methane explosion WILL."

[Arnie100]

"Or maybe a blast from the SDF-1's main gun."
"Good Lord...we have to do something...lookatit! The whole area!"
"It's turning brown...I think I'm gonna --"
"Do that one more time and I'll shoot you myself!"

[taalismn]

"And this is is how we incinerate garbage where I come from."
"With a space-to-surface main particle beam cannon strike?"

[Arnie100]

"Leaves no trace, doesn't it?"
"And no trace of the area, either! "
"Well, that IS the idea!"

[SRoss]

"And this is is how we incinerate garbage where I come from."
"With a space-to-surface main particle beam cannon strike?"

"Sir, Argentina is on the phone. They'd like to complain about the rain of burning sh*t!"

Years later...

Sera: "Mother Regis, why does the Flower of Life from South America grow so abundantly, yet smell so strange?"

[taalismn]

So remember, folks, use a septic tank. And regularly apply RIDDEX digestive enzymes to your waste water.
Unless you, too, want to be spread sub-orbitally over an entire continent.

(closing shot of the business end of a starship main gun angling towards the POV)

[Arnie100]

"And this is is how we incinerate garbage where I come from."
"With a space-to-surface main particle beam cannon strike?"

"Sir, Argentina is on the phone. They'd like to complain about the rain of burning sh*t!"

"So, that's where it all went..."

Years later...

Sera: "Mother Regis, why does the Flower of Life from South America grow so abundantly, yet smell so strange?"

"Coffee-flavored Flower of Life, mmmm..."
"Uhm, Sera, that's not coffee."

[Alpha 11]

"Or maybe a blast from the SDF-1's main gun."
"Good Lord...we have to do something...lookatit! The whole area!"
"It's turning brown...I think I'm gonna --"
"Do that one more time and I'll shoot you myself!"

"And this is is how we incinerate garbage where I come from."
"With a space-to-surface main particle beam cannon strike?"

"Leaves no trace, doesn't it?"
"And no trace of the area, either! "
"Well, that IS the idea!"

"And this is is how we incinerate garbage where I come from."
"With a space-to-surface main particle beam cannon strike?"

"Sir, Argentina is on the phone. They'd like to complain about the rain of burning sh*t!"

Years later...

Sera: "Mother Regis, why does the Flower of Life from South America grow so abundantly, yet smell so strange?"

So remember, folks, use a septic tank. And regularly apply RIDDEX digestive enzymes to your waste water.
Unless you, too, want to be spread sub-orbitally over an entire continent.

(closing shot of the business end of a starship main gun angling towards the POV)

"And this is is how we incinerate garbage where I come from."
"With a space-to-surface main particle beam cannon strike?"

"Sir, Argentina is on the phone. They'd like to complain about the rain of burning sh*t!"

"So, that's where it all went..."

Years later...

Sera: "Mother Regis, why does the Flower of Life from South America grow so abundantly, yet smell so strange?"

"Coffee-flavored Flower of Life, mmmm..."
"Uhm, Sera, that's not coffee."

[taalismn]

Lancer: "So, Doctor Jean, how's Sera's stomach-pumping going?"
Dr. Jean Grant: "We think we found your car keys."

[Arnie100]

"Where's Rand?! I'm gonna kill 'im!"
"Sera..."
"It was HORRIBLE!"
"Me?? I didn't do anything!"

[Alpha 11]

Lancer: "So, Doctor Jean, how's Sera's stomach-pumping going?"
Dr. Jean Grant: "We think we found your car keys."

"Where's Rand?! I'm gonna kill 'im!"
"Sera..."
"It was HORRIBLE!"
"Me?? I didn't do anything!"

[taalismn]

"Where's Rand?! I'm gonna kill 'im!"
"Sera..."
"It was HORRIBLE!"
"Me?? I didn't do anything!"

Rand: "So you saw my public service spot about not sticking things that don't belong in your mouth? Yeah, pretty horrible. Talk about dumbass messages....there I am telling people to watch what they eat, and that things like pens, small change, and car keys aren't digestible. I mean how dumb are people really that they have to be reminded of these things?! I look like a total dofus saying that!"

[Arnie100]

(Back in the infirmary)

"Well; Rand, from your rear end, we pulled out a pen, a set of car keys and some change...what do you have to say for yourself?"
"Mmmmpppppphhh!!"
"I see you tried to eat your boot..."
"Sure, Sera did this to you. A kind, loving person like that?"