Robotech Blooper Reels

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:30 pm

Miriya: "So how was Dana this evening?"
Babysitter: "Well-behaved."
Miriya: (raising an eyebrow) "Oh really? Any problems?"
Babysitter: "Nope!"(because I already put the firebombs out, had the damage painted over, the grass replaced, the bodies disposed of...if you'd come home a few minutes earlier, you might have wondered what a garbage trunk was doing in the neighborhood this late...)

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:21 am

SRoss wrote:Why am I envisioning Harley Quinn as a babysitter?

Arnie100 wrote:Harley: "Excuse me, if the kid cries, can I beat the snot out of 'em?"
Kid: "I'll cry abuse!"
Harley: "If they ever find you."
Kid: "I'll be good."

Chronicler wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Harley: "Excuse me, if the kid cries, can I beat the snot out of 'em?"
Kid: "I'll cry abuse!"
Harley: "If they ever find you."
Kid: "I'll be good."

Harley: "Of course you will."
*Turns around and sees a dark figure stairing through the window*
Batman:
Harley: "I'll be good."

Arnie100 wrote:Harley: "Spoilsport."
Batman: "..."

taalismn wrote:Miriya: "So how was Dana this evening?"
Babysitter: "Well-behaved."
Miriya: (raising an eyebrow) "Oh really? Any problems?"
Babysitter: "Nope!"(because I already put the firebombs out, had the damage painted over, the grass replaced, the bodies disposed of...if you'd come home a few minutes earlier, you might have wondered what a garbage trunk was doing in the neighborhood this late...)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 2:22 pm

BSB Trooper: "Really, don't you people have your own in-house people to take care of stuff like this? Teamsters? Organized crime?"
"Babysitter": "There's a difference? No, we don't."
BSB Trooper: "I thought you folks knew every concrete mixer in the county."
"Babysitter": "No, we know the operators of every INCINERATOR in the county."
BSB Trooper: "Ah, much more convenient then."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 3:03 pm

Kid: "Aren't ypu guys supposed to take care of me?"
BSB Trooper: "That's what your; ahem, 'babysitter's' for." :twisted:

'Babysitter': :twisted:

Kid:

"Mommy..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 3:10 pm

Dana's not whining....she's setting up the deadfall on her bedroom door, waiting for the babysitter to come in.
Poor Dana; she doesn't know the babysitter already knows about the trap, was, in fact, EXPECTING a trap....DOMEST trains it's 'babysitters' well, to deal with threats from both outside and inside the home. Including zen meditation to keep themselves from killing their juvenile charges...

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 3:30 pm

Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen: :shock:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 4:25 pm

SRoss wrote:Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

Looking them in the basement....it's like Lord Vetinari in DiscWorld...they throw him in prison, but it's where he wants to be...it's quiet, it's private, and all the locks are on the inside of the door.

In this case, even if it's kidnappers' basement, the babysitter is trained to make use of available time, space, and materials to best advantage. Dropping a DOMEST in a basement is like dropping Minnie May Hopkins in a kitchen....Explosive potato flakes and pepper bombs anybody?

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:01 pm

What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:53 pm

SRoss wrote:What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

"Okay, which one of you morons left the garden chemicals in the basement......?" :shock:

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 12:02 am

taalismn wrote:BSB Trooper: "Really, don't you people have your own in-house people to take care of stuff like this? Teamsters? Organized crime?"
"Babysitter": "There's a difference? No, we don't."
BSB Trooper: "I thought you folks knew every concrete mixer in the county."
"Babysitter": "No, we know the operators of every INCINERATOR in the county."
BSB Trooper: "Ah, much more convenient then."

Arnie100 wrote:Kid: "Aren't ypu guys supposed to take care of me?"
BSB Trooper: "That's what your; ahem, 'babysitter's' for."
'Babysitter':
Kid: "Mommy..."

taalismn wrote:Dana's not whining....she's setting up the deadfall on her bedroom door, waiting for the babysitter to come in.
Poor Dana; she doesn't know the babysitter already knows about the trap, was, in fact, EXPECTING a trap....DOMEST trains it's 'babysitters' well, to deal with threats from both outside and inside the home. Including zen meditation to keep themselves from killing their juvenile charges...

SRoss wrote:Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 12:02 am

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

Looking them in the basement....it's like Lord Vetinari in DiscWorld...they throw him in prison, but it's where he wants to be...it's quiet, it's private, and all the locks are on the inside of the door.

In this case, even if it's kidnappers' basement, the babysitter is trained to make use of available time, space, and materials to best advantage. Dropping a DOMEST in a basement is like dropping Minnie May Hopkins in a kitchen....Explosive potato flakes and pepper bombs anybody?

SRoss wrote:What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

"Okay, which one of you morons left the garden chemicals in the basement......?"

So, do these "babysiters" cost?

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 3:21 pm

Alpha 11 wrote: So, do these "babysiters" cost?

No, the UEsG funds them from the DOMEST training budget. Long term it's cheaper then repairing all the collateral damage if someone were to actually kidnap the Stirling brats err children. They tried supplying Misato clones early on but that didn't reduce the damage.

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 3:38 pm

Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 3:47 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

Cut to Thug and Henchmen being carried out on stretchers...

Henchman #1: (Pointing at Dana) "I'm telling you she's a monster!!!" :eek:

Henchman #2: (Yeah) "She kept trying to date us!!!" :eek:

Henchman #3: "I feel so, violated..." :frazz:

Medic: "Now now, don't worry, a councilor from the rape crisis centre will be meeting us at the hospital."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 4:11 pm

Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!"

:

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 4:16 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!" :

Zor: "No, at least when SHE dates someone, they have a chance of surviving."

Anna Kurauchi: (In maid outfit) "Perhaps it's not a man she's looking for?"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 6:21 pm

"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"
:shock:

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:44 pm

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:45 pm

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

"Captain, put your gun away...you're not going to shoot yourself through the head with that....."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 12:46 am

SRoss wrote:
Alpha 11 wrote: So, do these "babysiters" cost?

No, the UEsG funds them from the DOMEST training budget. Long term it's cheaper then repairing all the collateral damage if someone were to actually kidnap the Stirling brats err children. They tried supplying Misato clones early on but that didn't reduce the damage.

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

Wow, feel the love there!

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

Cut to Thug and Henchmen being carried out on stretchers...

Henchman #1: (Pointing at Dana) "I'm telling you she's a monster!!!"

Henchman #2: (Yeah) "She kept trying to date us!!!"

Henchman #3: "I feel so, violated..."

Medic: "Now now, don't worry, a councilor from the rape crisis centre will be meeting us at the hospital."

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!" :

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!" :

Zor: "No, at least when SHE dates someone, they have a chance of surviving."

Anna Kurauchi: (In maid outfit) "Perhaps it's not a man she's looking for?"

Sorry, but unless there has been a BIG chance somewhere that I've missed, she isn't like that.

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 12:47 am

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

After reading about her, I have to agree with you.

taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

"Captain, put your gun away...you're not going to shoot yourself through the head with that....."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 5:49 pm

Captain:

"Oh, right...(zippering his pants)"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 9:44 pm

"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 10:11 pm

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 10:31 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

TMI TMI

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Nov 21, 2015 11:30 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Captain: "Oh, right...(zippering his pants)"

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

SRoss wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

TMI TMI

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 3:23 pm

Captain: "They did that in my great-grandfather's day! When he went to Parris Island for boot camp..."

SRoss · Unread post by **SRoss** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 9:02 pm

"Don't know how we got here from babysitting?" :frazz:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:10 pm

Infant Care for Zentraedi: The Early Classes:

"First off, caring for a baby has NO resemblance whatsoever to loading an ammunition clip, swapping out spare parts, or running simulations. Furthermore, while the self-generated auditory alarm will signal to you that the baby requires attention, you WILL note that the baby does NOT come with a readily readable diagnostic system. And while the hardware is generally the same, babies are not standardized. "

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:17 pm

"I thought they just came off the lines or something."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:49 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Captain: "They did that in my great-grandfather's day! When he went to Parris Island for boot camp..."

I feel for him.

SRoss wrote:"Don't know how we got here from babysitting?"

taalismn wrote:Infant Care for Zentraedi: The Early Classes:

"First off, caring for a baby has NO resemblance whatsoever to loading an ammunition clip, swapping out spare parts, or running simulations. Furthermore, while the self-generated auditory alarm will signal to you that the baby requires attention, you WILL note that the baby does NOT come with a readily readable diagnostic system. And while the hardware is generally the same, babies are not standardized. "

So true.

Arnie100 wrote:"I thought they just came off the lines or something."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Nov 22, 2015 11:39 pm

"...although admittedly the projectile vomit may have impressive ballistic properties...."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 2:58 pm

"THAT's DISGUSTING!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:09 pm

(changing the diapers for the first time) "Are you SURE this isn't a biological weapon?!" :shock:

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:25 pm

"R&D boys would love this stuff!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 3:54 pm

Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Chronicler · Unread post by **Chronicler** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:46 pm

UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:54 pm

Chronicler wrote:UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

Sedatives and anti-psychotics in Lecture Room #2?

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:55 pm

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS." :love:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Nov 23, 2015 8:29 pm

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS."

A year later:
"THIS(SLAM) IS(SLAM)ALL(SLAM)YOUR(SLAM(FAULT!!!!(SLAM)"
Obstetrician: "...she's crowning."
Gloval: ("GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!OH!PLEASE!GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!")
AzoniaL "YOU'R NOT GETTING ANY DRUGS UNTIL I SAY SO! AMD I'M NOT SAYING SO!!!"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Nov 24, 2015 12:28 am

Gloval: "Narkotiki ! Mne nuzhny narkotiki! (Eng: Drugs! I need the drugs!)"
"What did he say?"
"You're asking ME?!"

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Tue Nov 24, 2015 12:33 am

taalismn wrote:"...although admittedly the projectile vomit may have impressive ballistic properties...."

Arnie100 wrote:"THAT's DISGUSTING!"

taalismn wrote:(changing the diapers for the first time) "Are you SURE this isn't a biological weapon?!"

I think everyone thinks that they first time they do that.

Arnie100 wrote::shock: "R&D boys would love this stuff!"

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Chronicler wrote:UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

taalismn wrote:
Chronicler wrote:UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

Sedatives and anti-psychotics in Lecture Room #2?

Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Tue Nov 24, 2015 12:33 am

taalismn wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:
taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS."

A year later:
"THIS(SLAM) IS(SLAM)ALL(SLAM)YOUR(SLAM(FAULT!!!!(SLAM)"
Obstetrician: "...she's crowning."
Gloval: ("GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!OH!PLEASE!GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!")
AzoniaL "YOU'R NOT GETTING ANY DRUGS UNTIL I SAY SO! AMD I'M NOT SAYING SO!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:Gloval: "Narkotiki ! Mne nuzhny narkotiki! (Eng: Drugs! I need the drugs!)"
"What did he say?"
"You're asking ME?!"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:29 pm

Azonia: "I swear whoever allowed us to become pregnant..." (While nearly crushing Gloval's hand)
Gloval: "Narkotiki, pozhaluysta!! (Eng: "Drugs, please!!")

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Nov 24, 2015 6:39 pm

"So how DID you get your prosthetic arm? I got my leg pursuing a white whale..."
"......I will not say...."
"Ah, the 'Great Patriotic War' you Russians always like talking about? I totally understand. Have another grog, on me tab!"

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Tue Nov 24, 2015 11:23 pm

Arnie100 wrote:Azonia: "I swear whoever allowed us to become pregnant..." (While nearly crushing Gloval's hand)
Gloval: "Narkotiki, pozhaluysta!! (Eng: "Drugs, please!!")

taalismn wrote:"So how DID you get your prosthetic arm? I got my leg pursuing a white whale..."
"......I will not say...."
"Ah, the 'Great Patriotic War' you Russians always like talking about? I totally understand. Have another grog, on me tab!"

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 2:15 pm

Gloval: "Azonia, Love! The baby is so...so..BIG." :shock:

Azonia:

Gloval:

"BOZHE MOI...I'm a father...at my age..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 2:38 pm

"We are not to refer to the birth of any child in the UEEF as 'the rollout of the new model'."

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 3:15 pm

Azonia:

"THAT is the FIRST and ONLY time we are having one of those...but they're sssooooo cute..."
Dr. Lang: "Zen zey grow up..."
Azonia: :shock:

"They get BIGGER?!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 3:43 pm

"You will find a description of middle-of-the-night wakings and feedings under the 'range', 'endurance times' and 'refueling' specifications in your handouts."