* When the local 'adult accessories' shop sells a set of matched daggers as sex-toys. * Where you have to wonder why the guy next to you suddenly breaks out into trembling cold sweats when you drive by the suntan parlor billboard. * Where there's a betting pool on how the loudmouthed blue-skinned alien commander is going to get his ass beaten off THIS time. *Where there's a betting pool on when, how, and by whom the loudmouthed black-haired chief fighter jock is going to get his ass chewed off. *Where there's a betting pool on the romantic triangle between ship staff, fighter command, and the top civilian celebrity. *Where the secondary technical concern after 'will it hold up this time?' is 'what part of the ship is going to fly off NEXT?'.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
*The hippy kung-fu guy starting to sound strangely attractive in his anti-war rants. *The aliens coming to steal our idol singers. *The chief engineer finally admitting he doesn't know squat about how the ship really works. *Being mugged for idol singer merchandise by fifty-foot aliens lurking in shipboard alleys. *Being stalked by autonomous mobile soft drink machines.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
Ben Dixon, Professional Petit Cola Machine Hunter. "Bonus bounty if you bring back their soda inventory intact." "That means I won't be able to use armor-piercing rounds then. I'll have to be CLEVER about this."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
SRoss wrote:Octavia: "Sisters, explain to me again why we must swing in these dresses and talk of douching?"
Not knowing everyday things from other cultures.
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS Difficulties only those aboard the great ship could complain about...
When the Zentradi haven't attacked all week, you notice the grind of real life again. This often leads to...
WHY HAVEN'T THEY ATTACKED!? ARE WE NOT IMPORTANT ANYMORE!? WHAT IF THEY NEVER COME BACK!?
When you start to believe that all problems can be solved by the singing of a teenage girl.
When you look around the bridge and notice you're surrounded by beautiful women, you start to understand that the evil stares you get in the officer's lounge aren't because you're a Russian.
When the greatest prey is PINEAPPLE SALAD.
When your diet is mostly rubber food and your activities consist of disco dancing and cross dressing, you might be a Zentradi spy.
When you give the squadron the night off, but mom makes you go on patrol anyway.
Yep, only they could complain about these things.
Arnie100 wrote:
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS Difficulties only those aboard the great ship could complain about...
When the Zentradi haven't attacked all week, you notice the grind of real life again. This often leads to...
WHY HAVEN'T THEY ATTACKED!? ARE WE NOT IMPORTANT ANYMORE!? WHAT IF THEY NEVER COME BACK!?
When you start to believe that all problems can be solved by the singing of a teenage girl.
When you look around the bridge and notice you're surrounded by beautiful women, you start to understand that the evil stares you get in the officer's lounge aren't because you're a Russian.
When the greatest prey is PINEAPPLE SALAD.
When your diet is mostly rubber food and your activities consist of disco dancing and cross dressing, you might be a Zentradi spy.
When you give the squadron the night off, but mom makes you go on patrol anyway.
"Those aren't problems...that's life on a daily basis."
You have an interesting life then.
taalismn wrote:
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS.
*When, in a small town, you're faced with the problem of 'Where'd they put Main Street THIS time?' *Your big concern is whether you'll find your car parked where you left it, two streets over and on top of a deli, or out orbiting Saturn. *Whether undressing in front of a window will result in an alien flotilla ramming each other.
Nice ones!
SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS.
*When, in a small town, you're faced with the problem of 'Where'd they put Main Street THIS time?' *Your big concern is whether you'll find your car parked where you left it, two streets over and on top of a deli, or out orbiting Saturn. *Whether undressing in front of a window will result in an alien flotilla ramming each other.
*With questionable Gravity Control, whether or not that dress was such a wise fashion choice.
Or is just dropping dress because you are in space.
taalismn wrote:
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS.
*That squirting Weed-b-Gone into the engine spaces wasn't such a good idea. *Getting CANADIANS mad at you enough to ban you from their territory *Explaining to others that you man the all-important 'crotch' weapons systems...or, in fact, that you LIVE in that section. *Explaining why, every time you take your assigned mecha out for a spin, they wind up rebuilding half the carrier's decking and floor supports.
Chronicler wrote:
SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS.
*When, in a small town, you're faced with the problem of 'Where'd they put Main Street THIS time?' *Your big concern is whether you'll find your car parked where you left it, two streets over and on top of a deli, or out orbiting Saturn. *Whether undressing in front of a window will result in an alien flotilla ramming each other.
*With questionable Gravity Control, whether or not that dress was such a wise fashion choice.
*When you could have sworn your house was here and not at the other end of the ship. *When the C.O gifts the new pilots with a basket of pineapples. *When the alien fleet decides to show up on your wedding day. *When Lang goes on another bender and find you have a new "weapon system" strapped on your fighter. *When you've heard the same song by the same pop-star over and over again. *You question your sanity when a giant tuna smacks into your fighter on patrol. In space.
And yes, you are starting to lose it.
SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:*Explaining why, every time you take your assigned mecha out for a spin, they wind up rebuilding half the carrier's decking and floor supports.
* When the local 'adult accessories' shop sells a set of matched daggers as sex-toys. * Where you have to wonder why the guy next to you suddenly breaks out into trembling cold sweats when you drive by the suntan parlor billboard. * Where there's a betting pool on how the loudmouthed blue-skinned alien commander is going to get his ass beaten off THIS time. *Where there's a betting pool on when, how, and by whom the loudmouthed black-haired chief fighter jock is going to get his ass chewed off. *Where there's a betting pool on the romantic triangle between ship staff, fighter command, and the top civilian celebrity. *Where the secondary technical concern after 'will it hold up this time?' is 'what part of the ship is going to fly off NEXT?'.
Arnie100 wrote:(Scratching head) "Seriously, this stuff is NORMAL. I think."
You need help.
taalismn wrote:
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS
*The hippy kung-fu guy starting to sound strangely attractive in his anti-war rants. *The aliens coming to steal our idol singers. *The chief engineer finally admitting he doesn't know squat about how the ship really works. *Being mugged for idol singer merchandise by fifty-foot aliens lurking in shipboard alleys. *Being stalked by autonomous mobile soft drink machines.
SRoss wrote:<<But with all this death and destruction raining down upon us, I have to ask...>>
"WHAT!"
<<Would you like to purchase a Petie Cola?>>
Ya, I could see that happening.
taalismn wrote:Ben Dixon, Professional Petit Cola Machine Hunter. "Bonus bounty if you bring back their soda inventory intact." "That means I won't be able to use armor-piercing rounds then. I'll have to be CLEVER about this."
Alrik Vas wrote:SDF-1 CREW PROBLEMS Difficulties only those aboard the great ship could complain about...
*Finding out that your Military quarters are right down the hall from to your civilian ones, but you still have to move.
*Finding out your "new" Mecha was built from what was left of the previous squadron to use that hanger bay.
*learning where the freshwater and emergency rations came from aboard ship, and being unable to find enough booze to blot out the memory
*Living at the top floor of buildings, and having that holographic sky below your window.
*there aren't enough simulators, so combat training takes place at the nearby arcade.
Author of Rifts: Deep Frontier (Rifter 70) Author of Rifts:Scandinavia (current project) * All fantasy should have a solid base in reality. * Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that matter. -Max Beerbohm Visit my Website
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: "I MADE THOSE!!" Kyle and Edwards:
Kyle: "So, what was your fortune?" Edwards: "White phosphorus..."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
"And today the chef's special is a pineapple, fugu, and Flower of Life salad!" "...here, you can have mine..."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
Chef: "And today's special; children, is..." "Aaaiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!" (Children start running from every direction)." Chef: "I haven't served anything yet."
Last edited by Arnie100 on Mon Dec 07, 2015 11:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Ah, the joys of cooking with thermite..." "Really? Does it improve the taste or something?" "It simultaneously sterilizes and destroys the kitchen. We have to order out and I don't have to cook for several hundred whiney complaining kids. And I've got tenure, so I can't be fired. Yeah, I'd say it improves things."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
taalismn wrote:"Ah, the joys of cooking with thermite..." "Really? Does it improve the taste or something?" "It simultaneously sterilizes and destroys the kitchen. We have to order out and I don't have to cook for several hundred whiney complaining kids. And I've got tenure, so I can't be fired. Yeah, I'd say it improves things."
"What Cookie doesn't know is we secretly replaced his thermite with Folger's crystals."
"We've secretly replaced the Regent's Flower of Life with Folger's Decaf. Let's see the resulting cross-galactic bloodbath from a safe distance...."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
The Regent: "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! THIS ISN'T MY COFFEE!! I WANT EVERYTHING BURNED TO THE GROUND UNTIL YOU FIND ME SOME DECENT COFFEE!!" "Yes, MiLord! Find you decent coffee, right away, MiLord!"
"Don't suppose you'd like some calming Flower of Life tea, milord?" #SQUELCH# "COFFEE! DAMN YOUR TWISTY LITTLE EMO FEELERS! I WANT BLACK BLOOD OF OPTERA!!!! HOT AND RAW!!! NOW!!!"
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
"We REALLY should find the Regent some coffee." "Why?" "Well...he just called the Regess a Minmei fan and... "Let's just find him some coffee before he gets us all killed."
Arnie100 wrote:"We REALLY should find the Regent some coffee." "Why?" "Well...he just called the Regess a Minmei fan and... "Let's just find him some coffee before he gets us all killed."
"Let's wait and see...the Regis may get him before he gets us." "Well, ain't WE all happy loyal hive-mind drones!" "Think of it as evolution in action."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
Arnie100 wrote:Chef: "And today's special; children, is..." "Aaaiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!" (Children start running from every direction)." Chef: "I haven't served anything yet."
That's bad.
SRoss wrote:"Smart kids."
taalismn wrote:"Ah, the joys of cooking with thermite..." "Really? Does it improve the taste or something?" "It simultaneously sterilizes and destroys the kitchen. We have to order out and I don't have to cook for several hundred whiney complaining kids. And I've got tenure, so I can't be fired. Yeah, I'd say it improves things."
SRoss wrote:
taalismn wrote:"Ah, the joys of cooking with thermite..." "Really? Does it improve the taste or something?" "It simultaneously sterilizes and destroys the kitchen. We have to order out and I don't have to cook for several hundred whiney complaining kids. And I've got tenure, so I can't be fired. Yeah, I'd say it improves things."
"What Cookie doesn't know is we secretly replaced his thermite with Folger's crystals."
taalismn wrote:"We've secretly replaced the Regent's Flower of Life with Folger's Decaf. Let's see the resulting cross-galactic bloodbath from a safe distance...."
Arnie100 wrote:The Regent: "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! THIS ISN'T MY COFFEE!! I WANT EVERYTHING BURNED TO THE GROUND UNTIL YOU FIND ME SOME DECENT COFFEE!!" "Yes, MiLord! Find you decent coffee, right away, MiLord!"
SRoss wrote:Kyle and Edwards step out of the elevator into the bar...
Decim: "Oh crap! Not you two> How'd you die this time?"
Kyle: "I don't know? We were just getting coffee."
Decim: "Well you" (pointing at Kyle) "Win. Off to reincarnation you go." "You." (pointing at Edwards) "Lose. Off to reincarnation too."
Edwards: "Hell no! I want a second opinion!"
Nona: "Ok, you're ugly too."
They are dying a lot quicker.
taalismn wrote:"Don't suppose you'd like some calming Flower of Life tea, milord?" #SQUELCH# "COFFEE! DAMN YOUR TWISTY LITTLE EMO FEELERS! I WANT BLACK BLOOD OF OPTERA!!!! HOT AND RAW!!! NOW!!!"
Arnie100 wrote:"We REALLY should find the Regent some coffee." "Why?" "Well...he just called the Regess a Minmei fan and... "Let's just find him some coffee before he gets us all killed."
So that is way she left him.
taalismn wrote:
Arnie100 wrote:"We REALLY should find the Regent some coffee." "Why?" "Well...he just called the Regess a Minmei fan and... "Let's just find him some coffee before he gets us all killed."
"Let's wait and see...the Regis may get him before he gets us." "Well, ain't WE all happy loyal hive-mind drones!" "Think of it as evolution in action."
1) Hide behind the biggest member of your party. Annie: "Invid Trooper." Lunk: "WHERE? OH SHI-"
2) Hoard ammunition when you can acquire it, from wherever you can acquire it. Scott: (in the middle of a firefight) "Where...WHERE ARE ALL MY SPARE E-CLIPS!!!??????"
3) Get somebody else to do all the dirty work for you. Annie: "Rand's been stealing ammo from the rest of you. Just thought you'd want to know." Rook: "Why that insufferable..."(sound of gun action going off safety)
4) Test unfamiliar foods first before consuming them yourself. Rand: "...urk..." Annie: "Okay, those mushrooms aren't safe to eat."
5) Have a convenient adult to blame. Annie: "Lancer told me I could have a gun." Scott: "Gonna have to have WORDS with that guy....after I quit bleeding from all these holes...."
Last edited by taalismn on Wed Dec 09, 2015 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
6) Have puppy dog eyes. No one can say no to those.
Scott: "For the last time, you can't keep him (Pointing at Corg)." Annie: (Using puppy dog eye look) "PLLLLEEEEAASSSEEEE!" Corg: "Its a TRAP. DON'T FALL FOR THAT!" Scott: "Oh, alright." Corg: "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!"
7) Have decent coffee to bribe caffeiene-addicted Invid
Invid: "Need. Decent. Coffee." Annie: "Like this steaming cup of joe?" (Waving cup in front of Invid's face)
8. Puberty-delaying drugs. Lancer: "What's this, Annie? It's ....your birth certificate? According to this, you should be...23...." Annie: "It's a ...gag, Hahhahah. I'm just a cute little kid, see? "
9. Technical Proficiency: Blackmail Photography Annie: "See, Rand, I have video of you peeking on Rook in the shower. NOw if I just happen to leave this laying out where she can find it..." Rand: "Okay, Annie, you can ride my bike...."
10. Cultivate Shortness Annie: "I'm drowning down here! Can I...?" Scott: "Get on my shoulders...ugh!"
Last edited by taalismn on Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
SRoss wrote:"Remember, one of the Reges' most effective weapons is Annie with one of your own rocket launchers."
"Hey! Do I qualify as an ace now?" "...Annie....that was Lunk and Rand you shot down..."
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
1) Hide behind the biggest member of your party. Annie: "Invid Trooper." Lunk: "WHERE? OH SHI-"
2) Hoard ammunition when you can acquire it, from wherever you can acquire it. Scott: (in the middle of a firefight) "Where...WHERE ARE ALL MY SPARE E-CLIPS!!!??????"
3) Get somebody else to do all the dirty work for you. Annie: "Rand's been stealing ammo from the rest of you. Just thought you'd want to know." Rook: "Why that insufferable..."(sound of gun action going off safety)
4) Test unfamiliar foods first before consuming them yourself. Rand: "...urk..." Annie: "Okay, those mushrooms aren't safe to eat."
5) Have a convenient adult to blame. Annie: "Lancer told me I could have a gun." Scott: "Gonna have to have WORDS with that guy....after I quit bleeding from all these holes...."
Arnie100 wrote:6) Have puppy dog eyes. No one can say no to those.
Scott: "For the last time, you can't keep him (Pointing at Corg)." Annie: (Using puppy dog eye look) "PLLLLEEEEAASSSEEEE!" Corg: "Its a TRAP. DON'T FALL FOR THAT!" Scott: "Oh, alright." Corg: "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!"
7) Have decent coffee to bribe caffeiene-addicted Invid
Invid: "Need. Decent. Coffee." Annie: "Like this steaming cup of joe?" (Waving cup in front of Invid's face)
taalismn wrote:8. Puberty-delaying drugs. Lancer: "What's this, Annie? It's ....your birth certificate? According to this, you should be...23...." Annie: "It's a ...gag, Hahhahah. I'm just a cute little kid, see? "
9. Technical Proficiency: Blackmail Photography Annie: "See, Rand, I have video of you peeking on Rook in the shower. NOw if I just happen to leave this laying out where she can find it..." Rand: "Okay, Annie, you can ride y bike...."
10. Cultivate Shortness Annie: "I'm drowning down here! Can I...?" Scott: "Get on my shoulders...ugh!"
She is one BAD girl.
SRoss wrote:"Remember, one of the Reges' most effective weapons is Annie with one of your own rocket launchers."
taalismn wrote:
SRoss wrote:"Remember, one of the Reges' most effective weapons is Annie with one of your own rocket launchers."
"Hey! Do I qualify as an ace now?" "...Annie....that was Lunk and Rand you shot down..."
The Regess: "Bring me all the cuties you can find, my children! Bring them all to me! So I can love them and squeeze them and hug them and name them ALL George!!" Corg: "That sounds like..." Annie: Corg: "Protoculture save us!"
11) Don't ##### off anybody that can teleport you into deep space Ariel: "Annie....did you eat the last hazelnut bon-bons? I was saving them for a special occas-" Annie: "I'll get more of them...I swear! Even if I have to blackmail Rand into helping me!"
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
Rand: "And why would I help you get hazelnut bon bons?" Annie: "Cuz here's a pic of you watching the girls taking a shower." Rand: "Alright, alright!" Annie: "Good boy."
Last edited by Arnie100 on Thu Dec 10, 2015 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
13) Hide the evidence Scott: "Okay, who's been smoking dope around here?! We're a drug-free operation!" Annie:(shoves extinguished joint in the back of Lancer's jacket)
-------------
"Trouble rather the Tiger in his Lair,
Than the Sage among his Books,
For all the Empires and Kingdoms,
The Armies and Works that you hold Dear,
Are to him but the Playthings of the Moment,
To be turned over with the Flick of a Finger,
And the Turning of a Page"
Not knowing everyday things from other cultures.
You need help.
"Oh, come on!"
"I MADE THOSE!!" 
