Forums of the Megaverse®

SRoss wrote:Why am I envisioning Harley Quinn as a babysitter?

Arnie100 wrote:Harley: "Excuse me, if the kid cries, can I beat the snot out of 'em?"
Kid: "I'll cry abuse!"
Harley: "If they ever find you."
Kid: "I'll be good."

Chronicler wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Harley: "Excuse me, if the kid cries, can I beat the snot out of 'em?"
Kid: "I'll cry abuse!"
Harley: "If they ever find you."
Kid: "I'll be good."

Harley: "Of course you will."
*Turns around and sees a dark figure stairing through the window*
Batman:
Harley: "I'll be good."

Arnie100 wrote:Harley: "Spoilsport."
Batman: "..."

taalismn wrote:Miriya: "So how was Dana this evening?"
Babysitter: "Well-behaved."
Miriya: (raising an eyebrow) "Oh really? Any problems?"
Babysitter: "Nope!"(because I already put the firebombs out, had the damage painted over, the grass replaced, the bodies disposed of...if you'd come home a few minutes earlier, you might have wondered what a garbage trunk was doing in the neighborhood this late...)

SRoss wrote:Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

SRoss wrote:What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

taalismn wrote:BSB Trooper: "Really, don't you people have your own in-house people to take care of stuff like this? Teamsters? Organized crime?"
"Babysitter": "There's a difference? No, we don't."
BSB Trooper: "I thought you folks knew every concrete mixer in the county."
"Babysitter": "No, we know the operators of every INCINERATOR in the county."
BSB Trooper: "Ah, much more convenient then."

Arnie100 wrote:Kid: "Aren't ypu guys supposed to take care of me?"
BSB Trooper: "That's what your; ahem, 'babysitter's' for."
'Babysitter':
Kid: "Mommy..."

taalismn wrote:Dana's not whining....she's setting up the deadfall on her bedroom door, waiting for the babysitter to come in.
Poor Dana; she doesn't know the babysitter already knows about the trap, was, in fact, EXPECTING a trap....DOMEST trains it's 'babysitters' well, to deal with threats from both outside and inside the home. Including zen meditation to keep themselves from killing their juvenile charges...

SRoss wrote:Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Thug: "Yeah we grabbed the kid! No, no trouble, it was just her and her babysitter, we locked them in the basement. Nooo! Don't worry, there's enough booby traps to take out a Special Forces Squad. You just send the Stirlings the ransom note."

Henchmen:

Thug: "The Babysitter is standing behind me ... isn't she."

Looking them in the basement....it's like Lord Vetinari in DiscWorld...they throw him in prison, but it's where he wants to be...it's quiet, it's private, and all the locks are on the inside of the door.

In this case, even if it's kidnappers' basement, the babysitter is trained to make use of available time, space, and materials to best advantage. Dropping a DOMEST in a basement is like dropping Minnie May Hopkins in a kitchen....Explosive potato flakes and pepper bombs anybody?

SRoss wrote:What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:What's worse, she holding a pamphlet ... 101 Uses for a Weedwacker.

"Okay, which one of you morons left the garden chemicals in the basement......?"

Alpha 11 wrote: So, do these "babysiters" cost?

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!" :

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

SRoss wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote: So, do these "babysiters" cost?

No, the UEsG funds them from the DOMEST training budget. Long term it's cheaper then repairing all the collateral damage if someone were to actually kidnap the Stirling brats err children. They tried supplying Misato clones early on but that didn't reduce the damage.

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "What someone rescue me if I'm kidnapped, Mom?"
Miriya: "Uhmm well..."

Cut to Thug and Henchmen being carried out on stretchers...

Henchman #1: (Pointing at Dana) "I'm telling you she's a monster!!!"

Henchman #2: (Yeah) "She kept trying to date us!!!"

Henchman #3: "I feel so, violated..."

Medic: "Now now, don't worry, a councilor from the rape crisis centre will be meeting us at the hospital."

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!" :

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Dana: "HEY!! I'M NOT LIKE THAT MINMEI WOMAN!" :

Zor: "No, at least when SHE dates someone, they have a chance of surviving."

Anna Kurauchi: (In maid outfit) "Perhaps it's not a man she's looking for?"

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"Imagine if those two became FRIENDS!"

I'm thinking she wants to go a little BEYOND the friendzone here. [sub]Um Yuri[/sub]

"Captain, put your gun away...you're not going to shoot yourself through the head with that....."

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

Arnie100 wrote:Captain: "Oh, right...(zippering his pants)"

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Gort...kick the captain in the groin hard enough that Arnie100 feels it?"
<"Aye, ma'am!">

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4kU0XCVey_U

TMI TMI

Arnie100 wrote:Captain: "They did that in my great-grandfather's day! When he went to Parris Island for boot camp..."

SRoss wrote:"Don't know how we got here from babysitting?"

taalismn wrote:Infant Care for Zentraedi: The Early Classes:

"First off, caring for a baby has NO resemblance whatsoever to loading an ammunition clip, swapping out spare parts, or running simulations. Furthermore, while the self-generated auditory alarm will signal to you that the baby requires attention, you WILL note that the baby does NOT come with a readily readable diagnostic system. And while the hardware is generally the same, babies are not standardized. "

Arnie100 wrote:"I thought they just came off the lines or something."

Chronicler wrote:UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS."

taalismn wrote:"...although admittedly the projectile vomit may have impressive ballistic properties...."

Arnie100 wrote:"THAT's DISGUSTING!"

taalismn wrote:(changing the diapers for the first time) "Are you SURE this isn't a biological weapon?!"

Arnie100 wrote::shock: "R&D boys would love this stuff!"

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Chronicler wrote:UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:UEG Medic: "So why do I have to teach them "the birds & the bees" again?"

UEG N.C.O: "Because you are the only one on base that drew the short straw for the guys."

UEG Medic: "Then who drew the short straw for the girls?"

UGE N.C.O: "Guess who."

UEG Medic: "... Aw crap, you mean?"

UEG N.C.O: "Miriya Sterling."

UEG Medic: "Great, they're going to be worse off than the guys."

Sedatives and anti-psychotics in Lecture Room #2?

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Azonia: "What's rate of fire."
Miriya: "I was in labor for three hours."
Azonia: "...I'm not letting any of those Human males NEAR me..."

Gloval: "Vhat about me?"
Azonia: "Don't worry, Henri...I'm all YOURS."

A year later:
"THIS(SLAM) IS(SLAM)ALL(SLAM)YOUR(SLAM(FAULT!!!!(SLAM)"
Obstetrician: "...she's crowning."
Gloval: ("GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!OH!PLEASE!GIVE!HER!THE!DRUGS!")
AzoniaL "YOU'R NOT GETTING ANY DRUGS UNTIL I SAY SO! AMD I'M NOT SAYING SO!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:Gloval: "Narkotiki ! Mne nuzhny narkotiki! (Eng: Drugs! I need the drugs!)"
"What did he say?"
"You're asking ME?!"

Arnie100 wrote:Azonia: "I swear whoever allowed us to become pregnant..." (While nearly crushing Gloval's hand)
Gloval: "Narkotiki, pozhaluysta!! (Eng: "Drugs, please!!")

taalismn wrote:"So how DID you get your prosthetic arm? I got my leg pursuing a white whale..."
"......I will not say...."
"Ah, the 'Great Patriotic War' you Russians always like talking about? I totally understand. Have another grog, on me tab!"