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ROFLMAO!!! Poor Zor! I feel sorry for who his parents are! Maybe we need a Time lord intervention to correct that.

Aramanthus wrote:ROFLMAO!!! Poor Zor! I feel sorry for who his parents are! Maybe we need a Time lord intervention to correct that.

Zor:(blinks) "My biological dad was...TOM BAKER?"

The Macross Saga...

Rick Hunter...on the floor...in the lingerie store...at the feet of Lisa Hayes...

"So, Private, you wanted to see something, eh?"
"Er...no sir! I mean, ma'am..I mean, sir, I mean...comma-"
"You need to be taught a lesson in manners!"
"Eh?"
(Bridge Bunnies)"Huh?"(wondering what Lisa has in mind)
"COme along then!"
GRAB!
DRag!
"Hey! Leggo my leg! What are you doing!? What? Where are we going?! What are you doing, dragging me in there!?(SLAM)...what the HECK are you doing?!...Hey!...ah...er...that wasn't what you thought it was out there! Honest! I was---no, don't do that! ...[size=50]holy...black lace?...now wait a minute! Oh geez, what is THAT?! You can;t be serious! *CRACK!* JEESUZ!!!! YOU'RE INSANeee!!!*CRACK*WHAP*CRACK*YOW!!! HELP!!! SOmebody HELP ME!!! The Commander's gone INSANE!!!!*SWHAP!*OOOOuuuuhhhhh!!!!"[/size]
Meanwhile, outside, the Bridge Bunnies are sweatdropping...
Claudia: "I told her she really needed to loosen up...How am I going to explain THIS to Roy?"
Minmei: "Hi, anybody seen Rick? Rick Hunter?"
Sammie: "Oh...jeez...I dunno whether to laugh or cry..."
Vanessa:"Rick Hunter...we commend your soul to the Almighty...Shall He Judge You Kindly..."

That is a first! A Zentraedi stamp of approval. Hmmmm I wonder if other things might get some sort of stamp of approval.

A Zentraedi Stamp of Approval tends to leave things rather smashed.

At this point, Rick might WELCOME being put out of his misery/shock/disbelief at this turn of events..

Of course, any pre-Contact Zentraedi viewing the above scene, kind readers, would himself be too paralyzed with shock/amazement/dawning emotion to deliver the Stamp of Approval...

Maybe we can convince them to give their stamp of approval to Minmei!!!

Minmei: "Rick, where are you hiding? Ri---GOOD GOD! WHAT ARE YOU -DOING-?!"
Lisa: "This isn't what you think--"
Minmei: "I should certainly HOPE not! I'd have thought a cultured woman like yourself would KNOW that you don't that like THAT! It's like THIS, so you have better control...see, like this...otherwise , with good craftsmanship like this, you're ruining it and wasting the effort..see...like this...smooth, even strokes, like an extension of your arm!..."
Lisa:"...wow..."
Rick:"...nergghh..."

Breetai steps onto the bridge and settles into his command chair...
PPPHHHHFFFTTTFFFTTTTTTTT
...and stands up abruptly, before removing the whoopee cushion that's been snuck into his seat...He slowly glares around the snickering that echoes around the massive bridge and goes suddenly still as his gaze travels around...He quirks an eyebrow at Exedore, who's studiously staring at some distant part of the ceiling, trying NOT to laugh...Breetai's look promises 'I SHALL have vengeance..."


Khyron steps onto HIS bridge and settles into his command chair...
PPPHHHHFFFTTTFFFTTTTTTTT
...and stands up abruptly, before removing the whoopee cushion that's been snuck into his seat...He slowly glares around the snickering that echoes around the massive bridge and goes suddenly still as his gaze travels around...He glares at Grel who's trying to look innocent and failing miserably...
"Grel?"
"Yes, milord?"
""Order the 18th Squad out on live fire maneuvers around the ship...I feel the sudden need to kill somebody today..."

"okay...'enter Khyron'....hello....hello? 'Enter Khyron!'...Khyron!...Where the hell is Khron?...How can we have 'Enter Khyron' when there's no Khyron to enter?...Find Khyron!...Where the hell is Khyron?!"
"...er...I think he's still in his dressing room..."
"Well, go drag that bastard out here! He should have been on the set five minutes ago! What's more important to the prima donna than his ^%^*%ing role?!"
(Khyron's dressing room)
"And the big bad wolf huffed and he puffed...and you know what he did next? Yes, Tammy? He...?..Hey, Bob, what's up?"
"Director wants you on the set five minutes ago...Wants you to read to orphans on your own time, not his."

ROFLMAO!!! I've needed those. It's been a rough week! Thank you for the laugh!

"ZENTRAEDI ARMADA! OPEN FIRE!!!"
(After fifteen minutes of apocalyptic bombardment that savages the planet below....)
"CEASE FIRE!!!"
"Huh?"
"Why?!"
"WE've never been ordered to cease fire after only fifteen minutes..."
"Sorry, Fleet, big screw up on my part,,,We're in the wrong system...It's the NEXT solar system over we're supposed to be in..."
"...oh..."
"...oops..."
"...jeez...idiot management..."
"...But it LOOKED like the right planet..."
"...wonder who we just hit, then..."
(meanwhile, down on the much beat-up planet...)
"...But we didn't DO anything...!?"

Scene: Exedore enters Breetai's command center wearing bushy side-burns, dog ears over his real ears, and a dog-like tail sticking out of the back of his suit. Seeing this, Breetai does a double-take.

Breetai: Umm, Exedore, old friend. What are you doing??

Exedore: I'm a Zog, my lord.

B: A Zog? What's that??

E: I am part Zentraedi, part Dog. I'm my own best friend.

Meanwhile, over on the bridge of the SDF-1, Gloval looks over at Lisa with a cocked eyebrow.

Gloval: You let him Watch "Spaceballs"??

Lisa: Yep. And he acctually liked it.

Gloval: Hmmm. Tell Minmei we might not need her.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

" Good Evening! I am Count Dolza! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"
Breetai and Exedore look at each other....shake their heads...
"He's gone mad."
"It's the cape....It gets to you..."

* tiny micronien woman dashs in and yanks the cape*
*dolza falls backward just missing the tiny woman*
"I zaid 'No Capes" "*into dolza's ear*
*walks out dragging dolza by the cape*

drewkitty ~..~ wrote:* tiny micronien woman dashs in and yanks the cape*
*dolza falls backward just missing the tiny woman*
"I zaid 'No Capes" "*into dolza's ear*
*walks out dragging dolza by the cape*

Ah...so SHE'S the author of '100 Uses For a Dead Zentraedi Supreme High Commander."

Ahhh I know who she is! Is that tiny microian woman A-ko? That would explain how she dragged Dolza out of the room.
I was expecting Count Dolza to starting counting. Just like another famous count.

Aramanthus wrote:Ahhh I know who she is! Is that tiny microian woman A-ko? That would explain how she dragged Dolza out of the room.
I was expecting Count Dolza to starting counting. Just like another famous count.

It's an 'Incredibles' cameo, harkening to one of the funniest and most profound observations about superhero fashion...EVER.

And don't forget the creature who likes cookies. The garbade can monster. The funny looking yellow large bird and the others. Now just scale up the costumes to zentreadi size and we could have a very interesting kids show.

(Unsteady POV suggests a handheld videocamera, angling for a low shot from behind a slightly open office door...
Audio is of a man's voice singing...)

Got out of town on a boat goin' to southern islands
Sailing a reach before a followin' sea
She was makin' for the trades on the outside
And the downhill run to Papeete

Off the wind on this heading lie the Marquesas
We got eighty feet of waterline, nicely making way
In a noisy bar in Avalon I tried to call you
But on a midnight watch I realized why twice you ran away
(POV angles to show a desk with a pair of well-polished boots proppped up on it....still can't see the singer. though...)

Think about
Think about how many times I have fallen
Spirits are using me, larger voices callin'
What heaven brought you and me
Cannot be forgotten

I have been around the world
Lookin' for that woman-girl
Who knows love can endure
And you know it will

When you see the Southern Cross for the first time
You understand now why you came this way...

(It's Field Marshal Leonard, pushed back in his armchair, hands knitted behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, soloing Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young's "Southern Cross" and doing a pretty good job of it...until he ctahces out of the corner of his eye that he's being watched...)
Leonard: "....-Whar-?! FORSYTH!!! YOU SKUNK! I'll---"
(The door abruptly closes as the POV retreats with great haste..)


*It;s a sad sign of how much of a Robogeek I've become that I can't hear one without thinking of the other...

LIsa(onboard Breetai's ship): "NO, Rick! I lost the camera! I lost the information! The pictures! I can't finish the mission!"
Rick: "Sure we can! WE'll just get more pictures!"
Lisa: "Hunter, did you just hear what I SAID?! I lost the camera! It's GONE! Smashed to bits! And I know you aren't carrying one! Where are we going to find another?"
Rick: "There's a souvenir stand just down the hall..."
...sure enough, there's small cubby-stall set in the side of the hallway, with a glass counter, spinner rack outside, and a tee-short-wearing young Zentraedi clone looking utterly bored and asleep under his emblazoned cap behind the counter. THe stall is stuffed with tee-shirts, hats, models of Zentraedi ships and mecha, pendants, fake campaign medals, and racks and racks of postcards of pictures of noteworthy Zentraedi, ships, battles, fleet formations, and other matters of martial importance...
"Here's what we do..."

Later:
Onboard the SDF-1 during the post-rescue debriefing...
Maistroff: "And what evidence do you have of your allegations of the size of the alien fleet?"
Lisa: "Just these..."
Rick, Ben, and Max struggle to pull a pile of giant banner-sized cardboard postcards onto the desk, the top one inscribed in Zentraedi characters: "GRAND FLEET MEET, SECTOR 0238"

Close-up of the head of one of the Xenomorphs from 'Alien' hissing and spitting...
Cut over to Angelo and Sean sitting on the other side of the table looking concerned...
Sean:(quietly, out of the corner of his mouth) "You're right, Angie, Zor IS an ugly drunk..."

After the Rain of Death...The mass-micronization begins:

"NEXT!" The clear commanding voice rings out.
In military order several dozen uniformed women file into the room.
"CHAMBERS READY!"
-sssssss-
With a hiss of escaping vapor, several clusters of giant tubes open up.
"TAKE YOUR PLACES!"
click
fwhump. fwhum,fompthud...
Several dozen uniforms puddle to the floor.
Several dozen skyclad women in toned physical shape step forward and climb into the chambers, then turn.
"CLOSE CHAMBERS!"
Just out of sight, a VF stands in the shadows overseeing the operation...Inside the pilot is slumped at his seat, eyes glued to his monitors, and a thin stream of blood coming from his nose...He's watched this take place a dozen times already...
"...i love my job...."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, on a Male Zentraedi ship, a similar scene is taking place...only the overseeing Micronian mecha is a Spartan destroid, and the pilot is female...
"...six-pack abs...i love my job..."

taalismn wrote:After the Rain of Death...The mass-micronization begins:

"NEXT!" The clear commanding voice rings out.
In military order several dozen uniformed women file into the room.
"CHAMBERS READY!"
-sssssss-
With a hiss of escaping vapor, several clusters of giant tubes open up.
"TAKE YOUR PLACES!"
click
fwhump. fwhum,fompthud...
Several dozen uniforms puddle to the floor.
Several dozen skyclad women in toned physical shape step forward and climb into the chambers, then turn.
"CLOSE CHAMBERS!"
Just out of sight, a VF stands in the shadows overseeing the operation...Inside the pilot is slumped at his seat, eyes glued to his monitors, and a thin stream of blood coming from his nose...He's watched this take place a dozen times already...
"...i love my job...."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, on a Male Zentraedi ship, a similar scene is taking place...only the overseeing Micronian mecha is a Spartan destroid, and the pilot is female...
"...six-pack abs...i love my job..."

....*chuckles* sort of sounds like the 'GalForce' Part of 'Scramled Wars'. *walks of chuckling*

taalismn wrote:Exedore: "You brought in KHYRON!?! He's known as the Tapdancer among his own men...why are you looking at me like that...oh..."
(meanwhile Breetai is looking at him incredulously...The main view screen lights up to show Khyron grinning uncharacteristically as he begins to go through the pantomime motions like he's twirling a cane and lifting a straw hat and dancing, while the bridge crew and camera men break out laughing)

That made me smile. Maybe a very quiet LOL.

Khyron's dirty little secret:
His hair is nautrally green, he dyes it blue.

According to the new RPG book, male Zentraedi are assigned the menial jobs aboard Female Zentraedi ships...
This is rife with possibilities...

*BEEP*BEEP*
"Enter."
"Menial Slaz, Commander Azonia. Hear your shower got clogged again?"
"Third time this week...at least I didn't drown in it like the first time."
"Very well, ma'am..I'll see to it..."
(fast forward to scene of plumber stripped to waist working to unclog pipes while Azonia is oh-so-subtly ogling his backside...)

Of course, such an encounter more probably went like this...

Stereotypical:
(Big hulking male Zentraedi bending over to work on the pipes...with Azionia not-so-subtly gagging at the sight thus presented.)

OR:

The Right Tool for the Right Job.
(Male menial goes in, takes a look at the clog..does what he knows...starts unpacking demolition supplies and sets up a charge as Azonia on-so-subtly begins to worry...)

ROFLMAO!!! Those were some great ones! Now there is a job for Mike Rowe! Allow him to do plumbing on the Female zentreadi ships as part of a week "Dirty jobs" episodes.

"Don't think busted conduits flooding an entire deck of the ship, sir! Think that you've finally got that marine operations training facility you always wanted!"

Ah but the scenery is worth watching from a micronian's position!

Aramanthus wrote:Ah but the scenery is worth watching from a micronian's position!

Until somebody wises up and throws a discarded jacket over the mecha in the corner...
Radar imaging ain't NEARLY as interesting as the raw visuals....

Breetai forgets himself as he runs out onto the catwalk over Vermillion Squadron and grabs the nearest thing at hand to THROW at the Veritechs...
UNfortunately, it's Exedore...
"WWWahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"*GUNG*
"Oops....Sorry!"
"Sorry, my &%^$!!! You MEANT to bean me with that!"
"I was apologizing to EXEDORE, micronian! Now throw him back up here!"
"Like ^%^^!!! So you can throw him back at us?! Do we LOOK stupid?!"
"You're the ones who invaded my ship!!!"
"You're the guy who just threw his own guy at us!"
" Don't make me come down there and teach you manners, micronian!"
"OH YEAH?!"
"Rick...chill..I got the feeling he can kick our asses....."

Breetai and Exedor are standing on the bridge watching something.When Kyron walks on.
Kyron: I really don't understand why you won't let me destroy that ship?
Breetai:Because I'll miss watching BubbleGum Crisiss
Exedor:I won't get to see anymore Ghost in the Shell.

batlchip wrote:Breetai and Exedor are standing on the bridge watching something.When Kyron walks on.
Kyron: I really don't understand why you won't let me destroy that ship?
Breetai:Because I'll miss watching BubbleGum Crisiss
Exedor:I won't get to see anymore Ghost in the Shell.

That's scary...
Zentraedi Raiders on Movie Night...

"News reports verify that the entire warehouse stock of the Lays Potato Chip company simply, along with the warehouse building, disappeared overnight...
Likewise, police are reporting that the local Video Galaxy store building was apparently ripped out of the ground sometime last night..."

Cannylite wrote:OMG what if the Zentradi became hooked on Sopa Opera's or god forbid, Spanish Soap Opera's



***Shudders in memory of having to sit through four hours of Spanish Soap Opera's with the girlfriend and her parents every Sunday***

It would effectively immunize them to Minmei's singing...
We would be seriously &&&&ed....

LMAO!!! Those were all some great ones! Please keep them coming!

"Sir. We got back an analysis of the chemical cocktail the Zentraedi use to motivate their soldiers..."
"And?"
"...well....it's coffee....very BAD coffee...but chemically, at least for stimulant value, it's very STRONG coffee..."
"....How soon can we have this stuff replicated and in the mess hall dispensers?"

lol

make me glad I drink tea

drewkitty ~..~ wrote:lol

make me glad I drink tea

"We've secretly switched the high-octane beverages normally served in this Zentraedi messhall with Folgers' Decaff crystals...let's watch what happens..."
"YYYAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ORDERING ME AROUND!!!???? DO IT YOURSELF!!!"
"I'M YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER YOU PIECE OF GENETIC WASTE!!! FOLLOW ORDERS OR I'LL HAVE YOU ON REPORT FOR TREASON!!!"
"SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU!!! CAN'T A GUY HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET?!!"
"_PEACE_?! WHAT KIND OF A MICRONIAN DEVIANT ARE YOU??!!!"
"DEVIANTS? MICRONIAN DEVIANTS?! WHERE!!! WHERE???!! THEY MUST BE -DESTROYED-!!!"
"-GARL! PUT DOWN THAT ROCKET LAUNCHER! YOU DON'T WANT TO WAVE THAT THING AROUND IN HERE! IT MIGHT GO---"
**FFWWWWHHHOOOSSHHHH**
*KA-BLAM!"
SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH
*ALERT! EXPLOSIVE DECOMPRESSION IN MESS CHAMBER FOURTEEN! ALERT! CLOSING BULKHEAD DOORS!*
"Ah...shouldn't we be on the -other- side of that door?"


"Milord Khyron...is something wrong?"
"Grel...why does my morning beverage taste funny?"

Oy-vey, Now THAT was pretty funny. I can actually picture it too.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

Rathorc Lemenger wrote:Oy-vey, Now THAT was pretty funny. I can actually picture it too.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

Zentraedi commercial endorsements? It's a whole new marketing world...

Lord Breetai for Odor-Eaters:
"Because after a day of heavy duty standing in these clod-hoppers, I risk killing more micronians with sweat-stink than with a reflex cannon!"

Khyron:Why do I have to say this stupid line.
Agent:Because it will pay your gambling debts.
Kyhron:(turning to the camera and smilling)Zest fully clean! Your not fully clean onless your Zest fully clean!

Azonia's washing her hands in her private bathroom when she hears something from the toilet tank. Curious, she lifts the top off it to look down into the reservoir..
"Hi there! Mister Tidy-Bowl Man here!" A tiny voice greets her,"Do you know how to keep your bathroom smelling fresh and working all right? Well, all you need is dropping the new Tidy-Bowl Dissolving Water Clea---"
Azonia drops the tank lid back down and flushes the toilet, turning away with a small smile on her face as she hears the faint scream intermingled with the rushing water...

ROFLMAO!!! More great ones. Please keep them coming! Maybe you should let them all find out about "Gold's powder."

"HungryMan " Frozen Dinners---The New Zentraedi Size---Real Food! For Real Men! In Real Portions!

*TRuer, if you're a micronian, you have to prepare the thing with a flame thrower...but you'll eat for a week at least...

But don't those things have full sides of beef or pigs in them? I suppose they'd need a jumbo microwave or else use a full bodied oven to heat those up. I hope they beef in their "manwich's".

Aramanthus wrote:But don't those things have full sides of beef or pigs in them? I suppose they'd need a jumbo microwave or else use a full bodied oven to heat those up. I hope they beef in their "manwich's".

Zentraedi scale microwaves? That's the stuff of micronian nightmares....

Have to admit it would create a very interesting horror movie. Imagine Texas Chainsaw murders done with the main villian as a zentraedi? (full sized)

Aramanthus wrote:Have to admit it would create a very interesting horror movie. Imagine Texas Chainsaw murders done with the main villian as a zentraedi? (full sized)

Breetai in a hockey mask?

"See, Ariel! Behold that the Humans consort with the Children of the Shadows!" The Regis exclaimed as the image of alien spacecraft appeared in the center of the Hive.
She saw the astonished looks on the faces of the humans, no doubt shocked at how Invid senses could still penetrate the stealth of the human weapons systems, and saw the quizical look of incomprehension on her misguided child's face...
She decided to explain..."THey show their true face in such weapons.."
"We consort with KLINGONS?!"
The interruption came from the red-headed human. The Regis glared at the primitive for his impunity in interrupting her diatribe, and she was readying a suitably painful rebuke when she caught sight of the image in the Hive globe...
No Shadowtech, no Shadowfighters assualting Invid...but a squadron of gangling, long-necked, pylon-engineered alien warships zooming at the point of view...
"Oh %&*^!!!"
The Regis took the remote out of her robe sleeve and pressed the buttons...No response...shook it...no response...Then proceeded to wack it against her hip..."It was working a minute ago! Damn all-in-one remote control!"
"Maybe the batteries are dead?"
"Wow! Is that High Definition?"
"Mother? What are those?"
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"You still get 'Star Trek' reruns? Or the tapes? Can I get a copy off you?"
"YOU FOOLS AREN'T HELPING THINGS ANY!!!"
Behind the increasingly frustrated Regis, Starfleet and the Klingon armada continued exchanging shots...