Forums of the Megaverse®

Charon: "Who are you?"

Gil Gunderson: "Me? I'm just old Gil... I made the biggest sale of my life. I sold Dana Sterling insurance coverage for her boyfriends."

Charon: "Then why are you here?"

Gil: "After the company went bankrupt paying all the claims, my wife left me for my lawyer and took kids, I hung myself."

Louie Nichols gets up in the morning, slides on his goggles, groggily makes his way to the door of his room-
promptly runs into the side of the door-
*OUH!*
-proceeds to totter through the door and hit something else-
*OUCH!*
MONUMENT CITY OPTOMETRY-BECAUSE YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO SEE YOUR BEST.
(sound of something heavy tumbling down some distance)
"GGGGGAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

Angelo: "Who slapped the Verizon bumper sticker on my Hovertank?!"

Arnie100 wrote:Angelo: "Who slapped the Verizon bumper sticker on my Hovertank?!"

Sean Philips: "What I'd like to know is why my face is on an ad for pepper-spray."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Angelo: "Who slapped the Verizon bumper sticker on my Hovertank?!"

Sean Philips: "What I'd like to know is why my face is on an ad for pepper-spray."

Pepper-Spray Ad: "USE THIS PRODUCT IMMEDIATELY IF THIS MAN APPROACHES YOU."

Meanwhile, at GMP HQ...

Nova: "NO THIS ISN'T THE SINGLES CHAT LINE..."

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile, at GMP HQ...

Nova: "NO THIS ISN'T THE SINGLES CHAT LINE..."

Ice Guard Trooper #1: "It was HER!!"
Ice Guard Trooper #2: (Grabbing the phone...) "What was that number, again?"

(Back at GMP HQ...the phone rings again...and again...and again...)

Nova: "DAMMIT!!! WHERE ARE THESE CALLS COMING FROM?!"

Nova: "I find out where you're calling from, I am so going to arrest your sorry @$$ and I'm going to work you over-"
"Ohhhhh...tell me more about how you're going to punish me...."
Nova: "ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!"

Announcer: "If you sign up NumberSecuri-Tech dot Com, we could trace those calls in no time!"

Nova: "OK, where are the calls coming from?"

Announcer: "Classified!"

Nova:

SRoss wrote:Announcer: "If you sign up NumberSecuri-Tech dot Com, we could trace those calls in no time!"

Nova: "OK, where are the calls coming from?"

Announcer: "Classified!"

Nova:

Announcer: "For an additional fee of $1, 000, we can declassify those calls for you..."
Nova: "I'll do it myself, thank you!"
Announcer: "BTW, you sound lovely when angry!"
Nova: (Slams the phone down) "I hate those people."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Zor Prime...I know getting funding for another Robotech Masters'-based book is hard, but...take the endorsement stickers off your Bioroid!"
(POV draws back to show Zor Prime's Red Bioroid covered in stickers and decals from STP, Mountain Dew, Doctor Shoal's, Viagra, Gatorade, Dr. Pepper, etc........)

"D**n sponsors..."
(Cut to exterior of Mothership and pan to...flashing neon sign of SAVE MORE WITH GEICO)

Nice!

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Zor Prime...I know getting funding for another Robotech Masters'-based book is hard, but...take the endorsement stickers off your Bioroid!"
(POV draws back to show Zor Prime's Red Bioroid covered in stickers and decals from STP, Mountain Dew, Doctor Shoal's, Viagra, Gatorade, Dr. Pepper, etc........)

"D**n sponsors..."
(Cut to exterior of Mothership and pan to...flashing neon sign of SAVE MORE WITH GEICO)

Outside the party where one of Sean's ex's flirted shamelessly, a white haired figure confronts Marie...

"Have you considered signing up with EHarmony?"

taalismn wrote:(Shot of Dana Sterling waiting for her date to arrive)
DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH LIFE INSURANCE COVERAGE?
(Dana glares at the camera)
"Don't you think that's laying it on a BIT thick?!"

SRoss wrote:Charon: "Who are you?"

Gil Gunderson: "Me? I'm just old Gil... I made the biggest sale of my life. I sold Dana Sterling insurance coverage for her boyfriends."

Charon: "Then why are you here?"

Gil: "After the company went bankrupt paying all the claims, my wife left me for my lawyer and took kids, I hung myself."

taalismn wrote:Louie Nichols gets up in the morning, slides on his goggles, groggily makes his way to the door of his room-
promptly runs into the side of the door-
*OUH!*
-proceeds to totter through the door and hit something else-
*OUCH!*
MONUMENT CITY OPTOMETRY-BECAUSE YOU CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO SEE YOUR BEST.
(sound of something heavy tumbling down some distance)
"GGGGGAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:Angelo: "Who slapped the Verizon bumper sticker on my Hovertank?!"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Angelo: "Who slapped the Verizon bumper sticker on my Hovertank?!"

Sean Philips: "What I'd like to know is why my face is on an ad for pepper-spray."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Angelo: "Who slapped the Verizon bumper sticker on my Hovertank?!"

Sean Philips: "What I'd like to know is why my face is on an ad for pepper-spray."

Pepper-Spray Ad: "USE THIS PRODUCT IMMEDIATELY IF THIS MAN APPROACHES YOU."

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile, at GMP HQ...

Nova: "NO THIS ISN'T THE SINGLES CHAT LINE..."

These are really good!

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Meanwhile, at GMP HQ...

Nova: "NO THIS ISN'T THE SINGLES CHAT LINE..."

Ice Guard Trooper #1: "It was HER!!"
Ice Guard Trooper #2: (Grabbing the phone...) "What was that number, again?"

(Back at GMP HQ...the phone rings again...and again...and again...)

Nova: "DAMMIT!!! WHERE ARE THESE CALLS COMING FROM?!"

taalismn wrote:Nova: "I find out where you're calling from, I am so going to arrest your sorry @$$ and I'm going to work you over-"
"Ohhhhh...tell me more about how you're going to punish me...."
Nova: "ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!"

Keep them coming!

SRoss wrote:Announcer: "If you sign up NumberSecuri-Tech dot Com, we could trace those calls in no time!"

Nova: "OK, where are the calls coming from?"

Announcer: "Classified!"

Nova:

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Announcer: "If you sign up NumberSecuri-Tech dot Com, we could trace those calls in no time!"

Nova: "OK, where are the calls coming from?"

Announcer: "Classified!"

Nova:

Announcer: "For an additional fee of $1, 000, we can declassify those calls for you..."
Nova: "I'll do it myself, thank you!"
Announcer: "BTW, you sound lovely when angry!"
Nova: (Slams the phone down) "I hate those people."

Great bunch tonight!

The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Or...

"Frigidaire Refrigeration and Cooling! For all your air conditioning needs!"

Or even worse...
"Can we interest you in solar?"

"For an additional $2, 000, we can -- "
Nova: (Slamming the phone AGAIN) "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!"

(Back at the 15th barracks...)

Dana: (Putting down the phone) "This is too much fun!"
Bowie: "You better hope you don't get caught!"
Dana: "Spoilsport."
Bowie: "Oh, my turn."

Major Jones: "Why is no snow removal companies ever call us? I'm pretty sure we could bamboozle the lot of them..."

taalismn wrote:Major Jones: "Why is no snow removal companies ever call us? I'm pretty sure we could bamboozle the lot of them..."

(Snow removal company HQ...)

"We just got a call..."
"And? What's wrong with it?"
"Its from SIBERIA."
"RED ALERT!! INFORM ALL THE OTHER COMPANIES TO AVOID ANY CALLS FROM SIBERIA!!!"

"Okay, I appreciate that we trained our pinpoint barrier operators on 'Pong', but I'm a little skeptical about dry-training the AA gunners on 'Space Invaders'."

"At least its not Asteroids, Defender, Galaga, Centipede or Missile Command."

Arnie100 wrote:"At least its not Asteroids, Defender, Galaga, Centipede or Missile Command."

"I just wish they'd quit playing 'Pinball Wizard' in the PBB control room..."

"Good Lord, if they had Pac-Man!"
"Pac-Man?! Where?!"

Flashback Blooper:

(After the SDF-1 gravity pod fiasco)
Gloval: "Activate the rockets! At least we know THOSE will work!"
(Rocket thrusters ignite and the SDF-1 slowly, but majestically, rises into the air...then explodes into a cloud of fireworks)

Gloval: "Nice boat."
Charon: "Thanks."

Flashback Blooper

In the aftermath of the explosion, the FoL is spread all over the Earth.

Robotech Master: "Elders, we've arrived at Earth, there are no unified forces to oppose us."

Suddenly the Invid arrive...

Robotech Masters: "CRAP! THEY'RE EARLY!!!"

(Down below...)

Charon: "WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP THAT?! I'm trying to take a nap!!!"
Hades: "On the job??"
Charon: "What? No...of course not!"
Hades: "I hope not...for your sake."

Regis: "I will leave the Earth if....you bring me a SHRUBBERY!"
Scott, Lunk, Lancer, Arial, and Annie look puzzled.
Rand facepalms: "Am I only other one who gets that reference?"
Sera: "Mother...you're acting weird again..."

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Good grief.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Or...

"Frigidaire Refrigeration and Cooling! For all your air conditioning needs!"

Or even worse...
"Can we interest you in solar?"

Arnie100 wrote:"For an additional $2, 000, we can -- "
Nova: (Slamming the phone AGAIN) "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!"

(Back at the 15th barracks...)

Dana: (Putting down the phone) "This is too much fun!"
Bowie: "You better hope you don't get caught!"
Dana: "Spoilsport."
Bowie: "Oh, my turn."

taalismn wrote:Major Jones: "Why is no snow removal companies ever call us? I'm pretty sure we could bamboozle the lot of them..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Major Jones: "Why is no snow removal companies ever call us? I'm pretty sure we could bamboozle the lot of them..."

(Snow removal company HQ...)

"We just got a call..."
"And? What's wrong with it?"
"Its from SIBERIA."
"RED ALERT!! INFORM ALL THE OTHER COMPANIES TO AVOID ANY CALLS FROM SIBERIA!!!"

taalismn wrote:"Okay, I appreciate that we trained our pinpoint barrier operators on 'Pong', but I'm a little skeptical about dry-training the AA gunners on 'Space Invaders'."

Arnie100 wrote:"At least its not Asteroids, Defender, Galaga, Centipede or Missile Command."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"At least its not Asteroids, Defender, Galaga, Centipede or Missile Command."

"I just wish they'd quit playing 'Pinball Wizard' in the PBB control room..."

Nice classics.

Arnie100 wrote:"Good Lord, if they had Pac-Man!"
"Pac-Man?! Where?!"

taalismn wrote:Flashback Blooper:

(After the SDF-1 gravity pod fiasco)
Gloval: "Activate the rockets! At least we know THOSE will work!"
(Rocket thrusters ignite and the SDF-1 slowly, but majestically, rises into the air...then explodes into a cloud of fireworks)

Gloval: "Nice boat."
Charon: "Thanks."

SRoss wrote:Flashback Blooper

In the aftermath of the explosion, the FoL is spread all over the Earth.

Robotech Master: "Elders, we've arrived at Earth, there are no unified forces to oppose us."

Suddenly the Invid arrive...

Robotech Masters: "CRAP! THEY'RE EARLY!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:(Down below...)

Charon: "WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP THAT?! I'm trying to take a nap!!!"
Hades: "On the job??"
Charon: "What? No...of course not!"
Hades: "I hope not...for your sake."

taalismn wrote:Regis: "I will leave the Earth if....you bring me a SHRUBBERY!"
Scott, Lunk, Lancer, Arial, and Annie look puzzled.
Rand facepalms: "Am I only other one who gets that reference?"
Sera: "Mother...you're acting weird again..."

Still found it funny, but no, I don't really get it were that comes from. Though I'm not surprised that Rand would be the one to get any type of references.

Rand: "God, I hope she doesn't discover coffee..."

Bad Ideas in Robotechnology:

"What the HELL? A CADS -SPORK-?! What the hell use is an oversized SPORK on a Cyclone?"
"Well, you can gouge out an Invid's single eye if you get close enou- right, that's pretty stupid."

Arnie100 wrote:Rand: "God, I hope she doesn't discover coffee..."

Regess: "CORG! HOW DARE YOU REPLACE MY FOLGER'S WITH DECALF!!!"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Rand: "God, I hope she doesn't discover coffee..."

Regess: "CORG! HOW DARE YOU REPLACE MY FOLGER'S WITH DECALF!!!"

Sera: "It was a worthy attempt from a psychotic sibling, but , really, you don't think she WOULDN'T notice the forcefield around her stash going down?"

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Interestingly, this actually happened at the MCI call center my wife used to work at. The automated dialer rang a number, and it turned out, somehow, to be a missile base in North Dakota. The Air Force colonel was less than pleased that his classified number somehow ended up on a call center database.

wyrmraker wrote:

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Interestingly, this actually happened at the MCI call center my wife used to work at. The automated dialer rang a number, and it turned out, somehow, to be a missile base in North Dakota. The Air Force colonel was less than pleased that his classified number somehow ended up on a call center database.

"We can't remove you from the database. It's a technical issue. "
"We have nukes."
"Well, whattyada know! Our servers just crashed! Looks like we lost just about everything!"

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Interestingly, this actually happened at the MCI call center my wife used to work at. The automated dialer rang a number, and it turned out, somehow, to be a missile base in North Dakota. The Air Force colonel was less than pleased that his classified number somehow ended up on a call center database.

"We can't remove you from the database. It's a technical issue. "
"We have nukes."
"Well, whattyada know! Our servers just crashed! Looks like we lost just about everything!"

"EMP will do that..."

I imagine someone from MCI got a visit from Air Force Intelligence...

Arnie100 wrote:"For an additional fee of $5, 000, we can reboot your system for you..."

5,000.00 is cheap for a government service/fix...that's what? A 1/16th of a toilet seat?

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"For an additional fee of $5, 000, we can reboot your system for you..."

5,000.00 is cheap for a government service/fix...that's what? A 1/16th of a toilet seat?

Or replacing a hammer.

"It's a ROBOTECHNOLOGY hammer. It's made with cutting edge technology."
"It's a blunt surfaced piece of tool steel, with rubber gloved around the haft. The mark-up's all cutting edge chicanery."

"DAMMIT, TOOMBS!! THAT'S COMING OUTTA YER PAYCHECK!!"
Chief Toombs: "For a HAMMER?!"

Supreme Commander Anatole Leonard: *Reads over Southern Cross funding and expenses.* "Good God these contractors are running us dry! $5,000 for a hammer? $25,000 for a toilet seat?" *Flips page* "AND $100,000 FOR A VENDING MACHINE? NOVA GET IN HERE!"

Nova: "You called sir?"

Leonard: "Nova I'm assigning you on a mission of up most importance. The future of The Southern Cross depends on it."

Nova: "What do you want me to do?"

Leonard: "I need you to take out these targets." *hand finances report*

Nova: *Blinks* "Uh sir? These are our contractors."

Leonard: *Slams fist* "No they're rotten extortionists! There's no way in hell that I'm paying them a single cent till they get their pricing in line! Bad enough the tax payers are breathing down my neck for all the expenses that shouldn't even be this expensive! Now you have your order, get too it!"

Nova: *Sigh* "Yes sir."

Arnie100 wrote:Rand: "God, I hope she doesn't discover coffee..."

Shouldn't have said that out louder.

taalismn wrote:Bad Ideas in Robotechnology:

"What the HELL? A CADS -SPORK-?! What the hell use is an oversized SPORK on a Cyclone?"
"Well, you can gouge out an Invid's single eye if you get close enou- right, that's pretty stupid."

At least they admitted it.

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Rand: "God, I hope she doesn't discover coffee..."

Regess: "CORG! HOW DARE YOU REPLACE MY FOLGER'S WITH DECALF!!!"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Rand: "God, I hope she doesn't discover coffee..."

Regess: "CORG! HOW DARE YOU REPLACE MY FOLGER'S WITH DECALF!!!"

Sera: "It was a worthy attempt from a psychotic sibling, but , really, you don't think she WOULDN'T notice the forcefield around her stash going down?"

wyrmraker wrote:

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Interestingly, this actually happened at the MCI call center my wife used to work at. The automated dialer rang a number, and it turned out, somehow, to be a missile base in North Dakota. The Air Force colonel was less than pleased that his classified number somehow ended up on a call center database.

BTW, I live in North Dakota.

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Interestingly, this actually happened at the MCI call center my wife used to work at. The automated dialer rang a number, and it turned out, somehow, to be a missile base in North Dakota. The Air Force colonel was less than pleased that his classified number somehow ended up on a call center database.

"We can't remove you from the database. It's a technical issue. "
"We have nukes."
"Well, whattyada know! Our servers just crashed! Looks like we lost just about everything!"

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

wyrmraker wrote:

SRoss wrote:The phone rings in Major Jones' office.

"Are you happy with your current long-distance carrier?"

Interestingly, this actually happened at the MCI call center my wife used to work at. The automated dialer rang a number, and it turned out, somehow, to be a missile base in North Dakota. The Air Force colonel was less than pleased that his classified number somehow ended up on a call center database.

"We can't remove you from the database. It's a technical issue. "
"We have nukes."
"Well, whattyada know! Our servers just crashed! Looks like we lost just about everything!"

"EMP will do that..."

I imagine someone from MCI got a visit from Air Force Intelligence...

Arnie100 wrote:"For an additional fee of $5, 000, we can reboot your system for you..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"For an additional fee of $5, 000, we can reboot your system for you..."

5,000.00 is cheap for a government service/fix...that's what? A 1/16th of a toilet seat?

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"For an additional fee of $5, 000, we can reboot your system for you..."

5,000.00 is cheap for a government service/fix...that's what? A 1/16th of a toilet seat?

Or replacing a hammer.

Ah, the old hammer.

taalismn wrote:"It's a ROBOTECHNOLOGY hammer. It's made with cutting edge technology."
"It's a blunt surfaced piece of tool steel, with rubber gloved around the haft. The mark-up's all cutting edge chicanery."

Arnie100 wrote:"DAMMIT, TOOMBS!! THAT'S COMING OUTTA YER PAYCHECK!!"
Chief Toombs: "For a HAMMER?!"

Chronicler wrote:Supreme Commander Anatole Leonard: *Reads over Southern Cross funding and expenses.* "Good God these contractors are running us dry! $5,000 for a hammer? $25,000 for a toilet seat?" *Flips page* "AND $100,000 FOR A VENDING MACHINE? NOVA GET IN HERE!"

Nova: "You called sir?"

Leonard: "Nova I'm assigning you on a mission of up most importance. The future of The Southern Cross depends on it."

Nova: "What do you want me to do?"

Leonard: "I need you to take out these targets." *hand finances report*

Nova: *Blinks* "Uh sir? These are our contractors."

Leonard: *Slams fist* "No they're rotten extortionists! There's no way in hell that I'm paying them a single cent till they get their pricing in line! Bad enough the tax payers are breathing down my neck for all the expenses that shouldn't even be this expensive! Now you have your order, get too it!"

Nova: *Sigh* "Yes sir."

Kind of wish we had more people like that in our government.

"For $30, 000, we can --"
"Will you stop that?! You're gonna get us caught!!"
"Ppppfffttt, this is Leonard we're talking about..."
"Fine. If YOU get caught, I have no idea who you are."

Arnie100 wrote:"For $30, 000, we can --"
"Will you stop that?! You're gonna get us caught!!"
"Ppppfffttt, this is Leonard we're talking about..."
"Fine. If YOU get caught, I have no idea who you are."

Nova: (Peering through the scope) "The things I do for my job..."

Arnie100 wrote:"DAMMIT, TOOMBS!! THAT'S COMING OUTTA YER PAYCHECK!!"
Chief Toombs: "For a HAMMER?!"

He should be grateful they don't just grab him and use his FOREHEAD to hammer things....

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"DAMMIT, TOOMBS!! THAT'S COMING OUTTA YER PAYCHECK!!"
Chief Toombs: "For a HAMMER?!"

He should be grateful they don't just grab him and use his FOREHEAD to hammer things....

CMDR Margarita Miyazaki: "WE TRIED! HIS DAMN HEAD IS TOO SOFT!!!"

Chief Toombs: "IT WAS JUST A HAMMER!!!"

SRoss wrote:CMDR Margarita Miyazaki: "WE TRIED! HIS DAMN HEAD IS TOO SOFT!!!"

"Can he at least be used to drive staples?"
"...we're a paperless office aboard ship..."
"The Pathfinders? Really? Since when?"

Arnie100 wrote:"For $30, 000, we can --"
"Will you stop that?! You're gonna get us caught!!"
"Ppppfffttt, this is Leonard we're talking about..."
"Fine. If YOU get caught, I have no idea who you are."

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"For $30, 000, we can --"
"Will you stop that?! You're gonna get us caught!!"
"Ppppfffttt, this is Leonard we're talking about..."
"Fine. If YOU get caught, I have no idea who you are."

Nova: (Peering through the scope) "The things I do for my job..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"DAMMIT, TOOMBS!! THAT'S COMING OUTTA YER PAYCHECK!!"
Chief Toombs: "For a HAMMER?!"

He should be grateful they don't just grab him and use his FOREHEAD to hammer things....

Agreed.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:"DAMMIT, TOOMBS!! THAT'S COMING OUTTA YER PAYCHECK!!"
Chief Toombs: "For a HAMMER?!"

He should be grateful they don't just grab him and use his FOREHEAD to hammer things....

CMDR Margarita Miyazaki: "WE TRIED! HIS DAMN HEAD IS TOO SOFT!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:Chief Toombs: "IT WAS JUST A HAMMER!!!"

Sure it was.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:CMDR Margarita Miyazaki: "WE TRIED! HIS DAMN HEAD IS TOO SOFT!!!"

"Can he at least be used to drive staples?"
"...we're a paperless office aboard ship..."
"The Pathfinders? Really? Since when?"

Supreme Commander Leonard: "So, Satori, how goes the investigation?"
Nova: "Well, Sir, it seems the trail leads directly to your office, SIR."
Supreme Commander Leonard: "MY...office??"
Nova: "Yes, SIR."