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Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:840: The three mechamorphosis levers on a VF are not 'Fast, Faster, and F###ING FASTEST'."

841: The Protoculture Cell Vending Machine has been discontinued. It not only attracts Invid, but some of you idiots don't bother reading before sticking money into anything offering you something in a can. Doctor Grant is complaining about treating FoL poisoning.

842: On a related note, the springloaded snakes in the Protoculture canister? Just because Technical Sergeant Zalaski is going to recover from his heart attack doesn't mean you're off the hook.
842a. Same goes for the ####wit who put the springloaded facegripper in Harrison's HUD. After you finish laundering his flight suit, you're cleaning the thruster assemblies of the EVA SAR team that had to go out and tow him back in.

Chief Toombs: "It's not like I broke any of those rules..."

"Yeah! the snake we put in Toombs suit was real!!!"

843: The Protoculture Chamber does NOT have a 'Smurf' setting. Quit pestering Karita about it.
843a. Tampering with Protoculture Chambers in an attempt to add a 'Smurf', 'Furry', or 'Sexdoll' setting is considered tantamount to vandalizing life support equipment, and the perpetrators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

taalismn wrote:843: The Protoculture Chamber does NOT have a 'Smurf' setting. Quit pestering Karita about it.
843a. Tampering with Protoculture Chambers in an attempt to add a 'Smurf', 'Furry', or 'Sexdoll' setting is considered tantamount to vandalizing life support equipment, and the perpetrators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

843a1. Ditto for 'Zerg Queen' setting.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:843: The Protoculture Chamber does NOT have a 'Smurf' setting. Quit pestering Karita about it.
843a. Tampering with Protoculture Chambers in an attempt to add a 'Smurf', 'Furry', or 'Sexdoll' setting is considered tantamount to vandalizing life support equipment, and the perpetrators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

843a1. Ditto for 'Zerg Queen' setting.

843a2. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is Annie allowed to be be near the thing!

844. When cornered by Tirolian Security, pointing to one of a Guard Triumvirate and declaring "HE told me how to get past security!" as a distraction doesn't work.

845. A blonde named Sterling is an immediate suspect in anything that goes wrong (dispatch from GMP HQ).

Dana: "Who wrote this?!"

(Meanwhile at GMP HQ...)

Nova: "Let's see what else I can come up with..."

846.Under no circumstances is Ben Dixon allowed anywhere near the female Zentraedi dressing rooms.
847.Under no circumstances are male GMP
personal allowed to buy the pictures of said female Zentraedi. For evidence.

848. General T.R. Edwards is NOT a 'walking talk-like-a-pirate zone'. Knock it it off.
849. The messhall cinnamon buns are NOT rejected depleted uranium ammunition cores. Quit this rumor.
850. Karbarreans are not sexually turned on by Terran honey. For crying out loud, you idiots, their estrus cycle makes pandas look like hamsters when it comes to propagation!

851. Don't let the 4th Wall Gang come up with any more of these!
852. Forget it, they never listen, anyway.

853. Slapping on the butt IS NOT a form of Praxian greeting.
854. Seriously, someone stop the 4[sup]th[/sup] Wall Gang.

855. The 4th Wall Gang accepts payment in liquor and comely women.
856. "Comely Women" doesn't include the Sisters of Cleanli --REPENTANCE!!

857. High speed ascent is not to be referred to as 'reaching for the clouds and rain'.
858: Mauve color-coding on your HUD does NOT stand for 'annihilate immediately at all cost'.
859: Betting on when the Marines' shiny new destroids are going to fall apart ends NOW.
859a. If we do, the Marines have promised to quit betting on when our shiny new Veritechs are going to explode.
859b. Whoever collected when Romero destructed, turn over your winnings to the compensation fund NOW.
860. SLMH is NOT to be used as an ingredient in cocktails. Even fancy ones. ESPECIALLY fancy ones.

861. Note to galley: SLMH is NOT a cooking ingredient.

862. Whomever switched Roy's body wash for SLMH, that's not funny. - Claudia

Arnie100 wrote:855. The 4th Wall Gang accepts payment in liquor and comely women.
856. "Comely Women" doesn't include the Sisters of Cleanli --REPENTANCE!!

"Um, why is there an angry mob of maids outside our door?"

863. Zor Prime is NOT any of the following:
a) Metrosexual hair stylist
b) Sparkly vampire
c) Chronically depressed elf
d) Fallen leader of a boy band

864. The GMP will immediately discontinue the practice of arranging blind dates with Dana Sterling on the idea that 'it's easier than getting a capital punishment judgement against them".

865. We do NOT have a special secret cadre of robotic assassins disguised as Petit Cola machines. Quit scaring the newbies with that.
865a. Immediately report any Petit Cola machines acting strangely or appearing in areas they have no business being.

taalismn wrote:863. Zor Prime is NOT any of the following:
a) Metrosexual hair stylist
b) Sparkly vampire
c) Chronically depressed elf
d) Fallen leader of a boy band

864. The GMP will immediately discontinue the practice of arranging blind dates with Dana Sterling on the idea that 'it's easier than getting a capital punishment judgement against them".

865. We do NOT have a special secret cadre of robotic assassins disguised as Petit Cola machines. Quit scaring the newbies with that.
865a. Immediately report any Petit Cola machines acting strangely or appearing in areas they have no business being.

865b. <Disregard 865a. There is nothing remotely suspicious about a Petit Cola machine in a restricted area. Even people doing classified work need refreshment.>

866. Quit pestering Zor if he's got any antidepressants he can spare. He obviously doesn't.
866a: Or purple hair dye either.

867. Anyone referring to Lisa Hayse as a cradle robber will answer to Claudia and the girls...
867a. THAT MEANS YOU MINMEI!

868. Eliminate any Petite Cola machines in classified areas.

Glovel:"Cluadia,where are the other girls and why are there no pilots out doing the current drills?
Cluadia:"Most of or pilots are in the hospital sir."
Gloval:"The hospital?! Don't tell me it's the fish again!."
Cluadia :"no sir the girls and Lisa found out that the pilots were passing around photos of their panties."
Their panties, how did they get those?"
Claudia :"By someone who is going to be in ICU for a while. Course his partner in crime is in traction and will be for at least 5 months give or take "

869: Bowie Grant would REALLY like to have a word with whoever rigged his barracks piano up with the 'sonic boom' amplifier....

870. The diplomatic office would like to have words with whomever told the Invid Princesses that it's traditional for humans to wager their clothes in games.

SRoss wrote:870. The diplomatic office would like to have words with whomever told the Invid Princesses that it's traditional for humans to wager their clothes in games.

871. If the Invid Regis invites you to poker night at Reflex Point, politely accept with your CO's permission, but DO NOT BET THE EARTH.
871a. Avoid any refreshments too. The last guy who poached Invid beer nuts is still trying to find a way to hide the extra appendages he grew.

872. Protoculture is NOT a "flavor enhancer".

873. Spraypainting and glittersprinkling Lt. Satori's Hovercycle, and adding the heart decals, the ditty-bell, and the handlebar streamers, is a no-no.
873a. Worse luck she had to respond to an emergency, and couldn't borrow some other form of transportation. Oh yeah, the CDUC took her REAL seriously when she showed up looking like she'd commandeered something out of 'Sailor Moon' or 'My Little Pony'.

874. Do NOT upset LT. Satori. PLEASE.

taalismn wrote:873. Spraypainting and glittersprinkling Lt. Satori's Hovercycle, and adding the heart decals, the ditty-bell, and the handlebar streamers, is a no-no.
873a. Worse luck she had to respond to an emergency, and couldn't borrow some other form of transportation. Oh yeah, the CDUC took her REAL seriously when she showed up looking like she'd commandeered something out of 'Sailor Moon' or 'My Little Pony'.

873b. If you do 873, make sure to delete the security camera footage BEFORE she checks it...

Arnie100 wrote:874. Do NOT upset LT. Satori. PLEASE.

874a. This is actually easier to do than you may think...the upsetting her, that is. Best to avoid contact with her altogether if you can.

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:874. Do NOT upset LT. Satori. PLEASE.

874a. This is actually easier to do than you may think...the upsetting her, that is. Best to avoid contact with her altogether if you can.

875. Definitely avoid LT. Satori and Minmei. Minmei? You ask? She will attempt to make you her boytoy -- boyfriend, that is, if you survive the experience...

Nova: "Okay, why is everybody avoiding me?!"

Minmei: "Why is everyone running away from me?"

876. Tie-dying the GMP's laundry is considered a malicious act of sabotage.

877. Any living specimens brought back from a Genesis Pit MUST be subjected to proper quarantine procedure IMMEDIATELY. We don't care how cute it looks; those have been the last words of over a hundred idiots who didn't follow proper xenobiological protocol.
877a. All DEAD specimens must ALSO be subjected to proper quarantine procedure IMMEDIATELY. It might not be as dead as you think it is.
877b. If in doubt, don't poke it with a stick or administer electric shock. Stand-off stimulation with laser weaponry from several miles of open vacuum away works just fine for us.
877c. Remember; nukes make good laboratory sanitizers.

878. Loudly saying "Annie, give him CPR!" is not proper first aid procedure.
878a. Not even if it works. We've had some rather specific 'do not resuscitate' requests to this effect.

879. We will not present the Regis with a set of wigs as part of any peace overture.

880. You may NOT declare your expended missiles as a 'business expense' on your taxes.

881. There is not any genetically-engineered Tirolian 'hooker' caste. Quit volunteering to capture any.

882. Do NOT let Annie loose in a Genesis Pit. No, seriously, PLEASE. DON'T.

883. The Karbarians have specifically asked that we don't allow Annie to visit their home world.

SRoss wrote:883. The Karbarians have specifically asked that we don't allow Annie to visit their home world.

884. The Garudans agree with this decision.

885. Cobalt grenades are NOT to be painted up as Easter eggs. Seriously, we're lucky nobody was killed or seriously maimed at the last open house egg-hunt on the base.

taalismn wrote:885. Cobalt grenades are NOT to be painted up as Easter eggs. Seriously, we're lucky nobody was killed or seriously maimed at the last open house egg-hunt on the base.

886. Painted Cobalt grenades are only allowed to be placed in the office and quarters of T.R. Edwards.

(Down Below...)

Charon: "What the -- ?!"
Edwards: "I thought it was an Easter Egg...

887. Tirolian Bioroid pilots respond to being called 'meatpuppets' the same way Brits react to being called 'smegheads'; with extra servings of violence.

888. Lawyers for the Tirolian Legion would very much like to speak with the joker who made the porn film Three who are in One. Something about a Desist or Die order.

889. Anybody caught wearing captured Bioroid Terminator armor outside the women's' shower will be shot as if they were enemy infiltrators.

890. Captured Invid prisoners may NOT be given the 'escargot treatment'.
890a. And just so you know, our POW advocates can smell garlic, pepper and butter a mile away.

891. We will pay good money for the identities of The 4th Wa -- GGGAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKK!!!
891a. The identities of The 4th Wall Gang are NEVER to be discussed!

Arnie100 wrote:891. We will pay good money for the identities of The 4th Wa -- GGGAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKK!!!
891a. The identities of The 4th Wall Gang are NEVER to be discussed!

891b. We already know who you are. - The League of the Most Evil Women in the Multiverse.

892. Tirolian clone soldiers are NOT discombobulated by vintage Liberace music. Nor Frank Sinatra. Or just about any other terrestrial music for that matter.
892a. The Shatner songs just made them want to put us out of our misery as a species.

893. Dropships are not for making shopping runs.
893a. Honestly; shopping mall parking lots just aren't reinforced to handle the weight of several hundred tons of transatmospheric troop transport. Especially when the parking lots are already jampacked full of parked cars.
893b. "Commandeering supplies necessary for morale" is not a legitimate excuse for taking a dropship to the mall.

894. To the wise guys who filled a Zentraedi drop ship with beer. We're confiscating it and your pretzels.

SRoss wrote:894. To the wise guys who filled a Zentraedi drop ship with beer. We're confiscating it and your pretzels.

894a. And your pizza.

895. Make sure the road below the overpass is EMPTY of pedestrians and other vehicles before jumping your hovercycle over the guardrail. I understand they've finally unwired Corporal Spatz's jaw and ribcage, but they think his liver's still lodged in the grill of that semi.

Excuse me but the persons who sent a bunch of newbies on a "commando raid" on the Praxians. You have several angry lawyers and doctors waiting to speak to you.

896. Someone find a way to stop whoever's writing these rules...
896a. Ignore rule 896.

197. The MOAB is NOT to be used in fireworks displays.
197a. Lunk, Twitch, we're looking at you...