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LOL Another great little news tidbit!



:::Little martian wearing a roman centurians outfit appears on your screen.::: We here a "MOANS" are going to comment on our oppositions latest news story. Who's going to end buying all of those people! We here at "MOANS" believe that the owner of our opposition will be buying most of these slave, since he needs more reporter to staff his news service. We have heard rumors that he eats those reporters who don't work up to their capabilities. We hear at "MOANS" do not do that to our reporters if they don't do their job." :::Very quietly he says;:: "They are disintigrated. And it is very painful to be disintigrated!

Our next story is also one of our primary storys. "MOANS" is back to stay. We were temporarily off the air due to being disintigrated. We are better and we plan on releasing more news faster and more accurately than our competition. We promise to deliver the news to you without any bias in it. Please look to my left."

:::The camera pans to the left and settles on this very large toad.::: "Please look into the HypnoToads Eyes! Please don't go anywhere stay by your sets. Stay turned to this drama to unfold!"
:::The camera remains focused on the toads eyes as the scene fades to black.:::

NON Editorial...

"Recent allegations made by a small news network that we allowed to cover our regional transmissions during a periodic maintainence check accuse the management of NON of eating its ow staff members...
With this in mind, our CEO and Editor-in-Chief, Cybysscrythh, wishes to make this rebuttal..."

(image of MOAN anchorbeing suddenly highlighted in POV...suddenly looks surprised...just as a tentacle wraps around him and yanks him off camera..*CRUNCH**SLORP**PtUI!**KLANG*...as a dented helmet comes flying back across the screen and bounces along the ground....
POV pans over to an enormous tentacled eye...)

Cybysscrythh: ***"We don't Eat our reporters..We eat our competition"***

"This has been a Network Omni News Editorial."

:::A person walks accross the stage towards the helmut and picks it up. He puts a small pea like object on the ground and takes an eyedropper out. He then places one drop on the pea like object. It springs into being. The little martain is back. He resettles his helmut in place.:::

"It's very painful being eaten!"

"We'll be right back after this commercial."

;;;The scene fades to a commercial in which a human is running away from some inhumanoid monster with a man sized bun. The person is caught and placed in the bun. Then the monster puts catchupo on its sandwich. He is moving it towards his mouth as the scene fades to black.:::

(Offcamera)"
Cybysscrythh: "I'm sure this discomforture between ourselves and MOANS will, in due time, pass...."
(Rulian manservent passes one of his tentacles a small pink bottle..on the other side of the Splugorth another mouth-tentacle lifts up)
*EW-RAK!!!!!*
"...If not...well, there's the company barbeque coming up..."

ROFLMAO!!! Very good Taalismn!

"Pepto-Slime"---"..When that someone you ate is disagreeing with you..

"Pepto-Slime"---"..When someone you ate is disagreeing with you..

Very funny! LOL

Although if YOU'RE the one being eaten, you might want to haul a bottle or ten along...VERY powerful antacids...and maybe some other useful drugs aswell(fiber bills, laxatives, epicac...anything to move you through fast and relatively unharmed)...Though I'd roll for a few random insanities or appropriate ones like Obsession:Cleanliness, Clautrophobia, Nictophobia, and general discomforture in hot, humid, close, surroundings....

That or else you make sure to take the most powerful exlax type of medical support with you on a trip to that area of anatomy. Oh yes, a really powerful set of body armor too.

Add that to our long-distant/never-realized random spacesuit/armor generator charts...External Chemical Spray...
Along with Extending Spike Defense...

LOL What a painful thing to eat!

Proctology EBA...for those really BIG and important patients...
*Psychological Counseling for Health Care worker not included in initial armor cost...

That makes colon exams in the Phase World area an entirely unique experience! I can see a doctor of proctology taking a vacation any time they had to do that too a splugorth!

It's considered Hazardous Mission pay by the HMOs....

Maybe that should be considered combat pay!!!!

Can't wait to find out what happened to you!

:::The little martian appears on screen as it focuses on him with a sheet of paper.:::

"We hear at MOANS have a breaking story! Of which we have beaten our competition on this particular story. We hear at MOANS would like to welcome back the great one "DarkMax" back to our viewing area!"

:::Some tentacles with mouths come out of one side and they try to wrap around the little martian who dodges them fairly easily. Then he pulls a small raygun out of his pocket and he starts shooting the tentacles, which make little screams as they are hit and each withdrawls as they are hit. When it looks clear the little martian says,:::

"Whew that was a close one."

:::The scene fades to black:::

(Martian trots off to hs dressing room after the broadcast...opens the door, steps in...)
*CRUNCH*GRIND*SWALLOW*DIGEST*
(...it ain't the door to his dressing room...it's a Splugorth mouth)
Anonymous Splugorth: "Mmm...crunchy...glad I'm wearing my new vibro-dentures with the armored mouth protection!"

Cute! I expected that one!

Next up: Our MegaSpN coverage of the Three Galaxies' Power Distance Projectile Vomitting Competition from Epikak III!

Looking forward to hearing this one!

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 09/21742/463424

Third Lurgess Disaster in Month Claims Thousands
---PremLar, Csydol System, Tyladan Sector, Anvil Galaxy. Local authorities are becoming alarmed by what appeat now to be a succession of lethal mass destruction attacks against Lurgess communites across several sectors in the past month.
The sudden destruction of the Det'ta Premla asteroid complex three days ago is the third such incident in the past month, following similar destruction to the Memfisto Colony in neighboring Yarang Sector two weeks ago, and the Ehdoa Industrial Housing Complex just three weeks ago, several sectors over in LaRoan Sector. Between the two previous incidents, at least eighteen thousand Lurgess have been killed. The recent destruction of Det'ta Premla, which housed asteroid miners, micro-gravity industrial workers, and their dependents, is believed to have claimed at least eight thousand, though sector authorities expect that number to climb, owing to the reluctance of others to approach the asteroid site, let alone assist in rescue and medical treatment of survivors. Special decontamination and isolation gear has been slow in coming, mostly from other neighboring Lurgess enclaves.
Authorities are equally uncertain as to the sort of weapon used in what was obviously an attack of some kind, suffice to say spacecraft in the area detected a massive gravitational spike and flash of intense radiation..suggesting possibly an anti-matter or collapsed matter device of some sort...Though no suspicious spacecraft or vehicles that could have served as a delivery platform were observed prior to the incident.

That is an excellent HLS! Thanks for sharing it! Hopefully we'll get to hear more about it in the near future.

Yep...as the Plague-Pariahs of the Three Galaxies, the Lurgess are imminently news-worthy...

Yes they are newsworthy! Poor blokes!

And where in the world was that Max?

The dreaded Cellphone-Free Null Zone of the South Seas!

I didn't know you were going to be gone for four months. I thought you said you were going to be gone for two months. Good to see you back DM!

Hmmm...gotta consult Rifts Australia...I thought Melbourne was one of the arcologies....

That is what I thought too. Obviously we are wrong.

:::The little martian in the roman style armor appears as the scene comes into focus. He's holding a stack of papers. He begins to read the statement.::: "As of today we have been broadcasting to you our viewers successfully for over a month today. Our number one news story is that there has been a bounty issued for news on a non-descript man who has been seen in various time streams. He has been known to disrupt the forces of darkness whenever he has been seen. His last know appearance was in the new Earth sector 120-230-180. Several of those forces of darkness are offering bounties on this persons where abouts. They want him alive! No disintigrations are going to be paid out. His description varies from incident to incident. Although he calls himself "Xaiver." :::The scene fades as the martian goes on to another story.:::

TargetBoard---The Informatioj Source for the Consummate Interdimensional Mercenary
Update: 10/012567889

"No...We do NOT accept Patrick Stewart's scalp as evidence of 'Xavier'....Different Xavier....

However, the Lucious Nubile Oil-Dancing Amazonian Nymphomaniacs of Eternallyung IV HAVE posted a ten million credit reward for Patrick Steward
delivered to them alive, well, and INTACT. Any damage will be subtracted from the capture/acquisition fee...."

LOL I wish a planet would offer a reward like that for me! I'd turn myself in!

Dream on...dream on....The intrepid explorers of the planet Computex-Nerdarama have been searching for such a world for centuries to no avail....

ROFLMAO Your funny!

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 10/075463653/24454245655

Soulkiller Cabal Enforcer Publicly Slain
---Caodad Malri, Gendemos XI, Aganeem System, Bolshak Sector, Corkscrew Galaxy. An infamous enforcer of the feared Soulkiller Cabal organized crime network was publicly slain in the seat of the organization’s power by parties unknown, raising concerns as to whether an internal conflict has broken out, another organization is muscling in, or a new offensive has been taken against the criminal group.
A tourist’s holovid, shot in the portside resort metropolis of Caodad Malri, and acquired by Newtork Omni News, purportedly shows Grak BrainEater, the most visible and feared member of the organization, and infamous since he publically slew and ate a district attorney who was prosecuting organization members in the last attempt to curb the gang some ten years ago(shot of a giant brodkil standing atop a wrcked taxi cab, chewing the top of the head of a still withering humanoid in his clutches), being himself stalked and slain by parties unknown.

(Holo footage of a beach with a distant seawall separating the city beyond from the beach. The POV cuts from a brief shot of somebody’s shapely and underclothed thigh to a point on the seawall where some sort of distortion has appeared atop it...then a puff of sand directly underneath...then periodic puffs of sand leading away from the wall at high speed....
Suddenly the wall bursts open and a massive black ball comes rolling out onto the beach, scattering fragments of reinforced plas-crete, and barrelling into the sand. The puffs of sand...now onviously something invisible running...speed up and start going serpentine...but the giant bowling ball, or whatever it is...cuts the corner and heads directly down the line...
Moments before the sphere overtakes the last footstep, a massive brodkil fades into view, looking harried and berserk. It whips out two massive energy weapons from shoulder holsters and begins firing at the onrushing sphere...The powerful blasts of energy just seem to be absorbed by the black sphere, without any apparent effect.
Then the sphere is on the Brodkil...There’s a momentary impression of the Brodkil being attenuated like taffy and stretched over the surface of the sphere, then a sizzling blue flash and it’s gone...
The sphere then continues running down the beach, deftly navigating around beachgoers, then plunges into the purple-blue water, and disappears into the waves...POV cuts out).

No group, governmental or criminal, has claimed credit for the slaying, and a cessation of activity around known Soulkiller Cabal hangouts has authoritries speculating about possible internal strife or a turf takeover by parties unknown, However, it is also known that Grak BrainEater had several million credits’ worth of bounties placed on his head, body, and assorted vital portions/parts thereof, though noone has stepped forward to claim those rewards either.

Excellent News Story! Great HLS Taalismn!

Thanks...I'll let you keep guessing about the black sphere

Sounds interesting! And you're right I'm curious about them. Although it could be like "The Prisoner."

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 10/134556/4252732

Face-off Brewing In Dispute Over Ancient Base
-ThoraLan System, Chibesi Sector, Thundercloud Galaxy. Arguemnts are growing hotter between the Tomolor Sovereignty and the Arjas Majesty over territorial cliams to an ancient Stinexx facility in the ThoraLan System, with no peaceful settlement or agreement in sight for the find.
The ancient facility , located on a rocky ice-planetoid in the fringes of the ThoraLan system, as discovered just over a year ago bymineral survey teams from the Arjas Majesty, who announced the dramatic find six months ago. Almost immediately, the Tomolor Sovereignty, whose home system is just adjacent to the ThoraLan System, claimed possession of the site, on the grounds that a number of proto-Tomolor, dating back some 30,000 Standard years, along with other artifacts of Tomolorian pre-history have been found in stasis shells amongst the base's sample collection warehouses.
"Clearly these sentients, our ancesttors, were snatched from their home-burrows by the arrogant Stinexx, who took them to serve as trophies or pets, then abandoned them in cold, cruel, prisons, when they fled the Thundercloud! Torn from the homes by time and space, those still-sleeping ancestors must be compensated for their ordeal when they are awakened, and the compensation must come from the Stinexx, or, in their absence, their left-behind properties!" asserted a Tomolorian representative, claiming to speak for the 'Holy Ancestroral Restoration Associative' at a special conference of the Tri-Galaxies Historial Preservation Society that has been convened to discuss the case, "Nor will we allow other arrogant aliens to steal away what is rightfully Tomoloran ground, as the Arjac have tried to do! We will be demanding a full accounting of the objects taken from the site and the damage done by the Arjaci plunderers!"
"Sleeping for -gloi- in a permaplass hibernation egg does not qualify as residency, nor does it establish grounds for seizure under imminet domain," retorted an Arjaci attorney for the Majestric Frontier Development Council."We already agreed to return the cave-Tomolor to their people as a sign of good faith, but they're the ones who sent a pair of cruisers and starting demanding we turn the site over them...They're talking like we're grave robbers or desecrators of their holiest of holies, when they're the ones looking to despoil the place. Come on, it's obvious what they want, and it's not our fault they missed it on the surveys they did of this systm before they sold the system rights to us!"
The Arjaci elude to the eight functional spacecraft of various sizes, ranging up to frigate class, found berthed in the ancient Stinexx facility, as well as a large quantity of various biological and mineralogical samples that were stored atthe facility and left behind when the facility was abandoned, for reasons unknown, some 30,000 Standards ago.
Lawyers for both sides continue to meet to attempt to come to a deal about the disposition of the artifacts and the site, but xenoarchaeologists hoping to gain access to the site despair of being able to get to it before political and territorial disputes despoil the find.
"We'll probably have one side or the other tying up each other in court for centuries, while the place is looted out of spite," bemoaned a Ryllian anthropologist for the CCW Thundercloud Historial Trust. "Thta's the way these things usually go...Hopefully it won't degenerate into a shooting war, but all pretense of this being a peaceful scientific dig has already been lost by the arguing going on."

Very interesting about that archaelogical site! I'd love to see some RCCs on both races mentioned in the article.

Not much to say...The Tomolor and the Arjaci are joe-average species...The Tomolor are vaguely lemur-like, the Arjaci are decended from seal-like ancestors...
Ironically, the preserved paleolithic Tomolorians at the Stinexx site are members of an ancient ethnic group that the ancestors of the modern-day Tomolorians all but wiped out during tjeir planet's last ice age, and if/when revived, the primitive Tomolorians would see the modern day descendants as some evil tribe of their ancient enemies, the 'Big Hairs', that had abducted them.
The Arjaci? I know they consider avian lifeforms as heralds of bad tidings, and consider eating eggs to be profane. They're also pretty good at a particularly brutal form of lacross that involves swinging a thirty-pound racket-stick over one's head, and has double scores for knocking the opposing goal-defenders out of the goal-zone in the process...

hmmm I'm still waiting for more info on that black ball which killed that assassin.

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 10/177346/34242424

Defense Satellite Fires on Industrial Compound; Hundreds Slain
---Dynobi, Seklar System, Marse Sector, Dweii Republic, Anvil Galaxy. Dweii authorities are investing why a military orbital defense platform apparently went offline, re-oriented its weapons systems, and fired on a civilian industrial park, obliterating it and presumably hundreds of employees in the complex.
(Footage of a huge smoking crater, shattered water mains and electrical conduits sticking out of the sides, roads sliced at the ends, a ring of molten glass around the rim, as gravboats and rescue vehicles hover around looking for survivors...there don't appear to be any as the SAR craft are still milling around)
Authorities are still pozzled as to why an orbital weapons platform normally under the control of the Sector Fleet Defense Authority went offline after registering a total systems shutdown, dropping it out of active control, then apparently altered its orientation, powered up its weapons, and fired a prolonged plasma blast planetward, before then turning itself back over to defense net control.
The target of the surface bombardment, the Lugana Industrial Park, was a sprawling twenty square mile research and development facility that was home to at least four different high-tech firms, including NeBrx Genetics, Orgo MicroSys, Dwaig Cybosis, and Dorian Photonic, the latter a known associate of Hartigal Combine. It is not clear which of the four companies was the target of the obvious attack, but hundreds of employees, perhaps as many as a thousand, were vaporized instantly by the plasma bombardment.
Authorities have no clues at present as to who may be responsible for the attack...No groups have claimed credit for the assault, and while all four of the above companies had had their share of complaints and aggressive competition in the past, rescent company histories show no signs of current feuds or conflicts. The Dweii Republic Sector Fleet Defense Authority has taken ALL defense platforms offline and is investigating to see how their command and control protocols may have been compromised and by who.
A Dynobian civic official has denounced the attack as 'a shameless atrocity perpetuated by cowards who hide behind electronic codes', and has pledged that the responsible parties will be brought to justice.

That was a great HLS! It looks like Naruni could be behind that one. We'll just have to wait and see.

Four different companies...could be Naruni, could be not...Could be a rogue AI or something as petty as an online chess buddy getting even with his or her long-distance opponent with an ultimate 'checkmate'....
ain't tellin'...at least not this week...

LOL I always enjoy reading the Omni News!

Network Omni News
Dateline: 10/277845/23462364

Clone Kidnapping Raises Questions in Dictatorship!
---Bagold IX, Shoderate System, GiGalord Cluster, Mindoa Sector, Corkscrew Galaxy. Insider sources are now revealing that a 10/20332 break-in at the Etorsa Royal Gallery was not an art theft as had been previously announced by the imperial government, but a raid on a covert clone laboratory and stockpile maintained by Bagold IX's President-for-Perpetuity Lizzyo D'Ang.
The bold break-in at the Etorsa Royal Gallery, adjacent to the Imperial Residence, was originally denounced by Imperial spokesbeings as an act of vandallism and banditry directed at valuable cultural artifacts of the Bagold people, with a take and damages estimated in the billions of credits, both in destroyed material and in stolen goods. A planet-wide search was announced for the culprits.
However, reports from confidential sources within the D'Ang regime paint a different picture of the incident. These sources, confirmed in their veracity by NON journalists, tell that damage to the Gallery and its contents was minimal, and that the real target was a cloning laboratory hidden in the Gallery's basement, connected to the Imperial Residence, and holding at least a dozen clones of the President-for-Perpetuity.
President-for-Perpetuity Lizzyo D'Ang, who rose to power five years ago after deposing and executing his brother, the then- democratically-elected President of Bagold, and established himself and his Reg Party as the controlling authority in the Shoderate System, is reportedly extremely afraid of death, and is a hypochondriac of legendary proportions. The President-for-Perpetuity is known to have bought expensive Hemite medical equipment to attend to his health, and has reportedly already killed three personal physicians assigned to him. His acquisition of a cloning lab and production of at least a dozen clones of himself to serve as organ sources, would make the secret facility a natural target for rebels to his rule. However, the same sources that reported the true nature of the break-in, also report that rather than wholesale destruction of the lab, as might be expected, the raiders, at no small risk to themselves, apparently stole all the equipment and the stasis tubes containing the clones, removing them as well.
The reasons for the theft, as well as the identity of the raiders, continues to puzzle Reg Imperial Security, and while several thousand persons have already been questioned across the planet, no suspects have been arrested, nor has anyone claimed credit for the raid. Naturally, inquiries made by NON to the Reg Party have gone unanswered.

Great HLS! I can see people raising their own pocket dictator. Everyone can have their pet president for life.