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taalismn wrote:-
At the dam in 'Annie's Husband'

Lunk: "Now do we pull the level UP to close the spillway, or DOWN, or does that dump ALL the water?!"
Scott: "ARGH! This operation manual's written in RUSSIAN!!!"

Congratulation on purchase of water-restraint system. With good use long life of water-restraint may be becoming. Please be making warranty card at time of purchase and place this manuel in safe place for future use

Comrade Corsarius wrote:

taalismn wrote:-
At the dam in 'Annie's Husband'

Lunk: "Now do we pull the level UP to close the spillway, or DOWN, or does that dump ALL the water?!"
Scott: "ARGH! This operation manual's written in RUSSIAN!!!"

Congratulation on purchase of water-restraint system. With good use long life of water-restraint may be becoming. Please be making warranty card at time of purchase and place this manuel in safe place for future use

Proper Socialists Prepare for Long Term---Long Winters, Siberian Exile, Thousand Year Reichs, Alien Invasions...

Characters: Scott Bernard & Lunk

Scott: Ummm, Lunk.

Lunk: Yeah Scott.

Scott: Just because you pilot the Beta for me doesnt mean you always have to be behind me.

Lunk: Well, I just got kinda used to it, and I want you to feel you can always count on me to have your back.

Scott: I appreciate that, but I'm in the shower, so feel free to take a break.

Shadow Chronicles:
-The REF fleet scrambles to confront the new threat and charges up their Synchro-Cannons, when a red wave of light surges out from the alien ships and bathes the entire Human force...

REF Admiral: "What the he--?!"
(Gasps of astonishment as everybody on the bridge realizes they're naked...)
REF Admiral: "ARGH! Those alien PERVERTS!!!! FIRE AT WILL!!!"
(Meanwhile, on the Haydonite flagship)
Haydonite Commander: "You BIT-BRAIN! I meant fire the Disruptor Wave, not the Disrober Wave!!!"
Haydonite Underling: "But THEY got a copyright infringement suit signed out against us! I had no choice!!"
(gestures to a Cylon Centurion in the back, with red eye sweeping back and fro, a tie around its neck, and a legal attache case clutched in one hand)
Haydonite Commander:(watching the incoming and unabated REF fire) "Well %^*76#!"

...Okaaaayyyyyy...THAT was different....


Zand: "ARRGGHHH!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!First I'm effectively an evil clone of Lang, then I'm Igor, then I'm Batou's whimpier brother, I'm either on Earth breathing down Dana Sterling's neck or I'm on Tirol breathing down T.R. Edwards' neck! I don't mind the fact that I get extra hours every time I get mentioned in a script, but COULD SOMEBODY JUST GIVE ME A STEADY STORYLINE!!!????? Not just pen me in whenever somebody needs 'depraved mad scientist type'?!? That's it! If my demands aren't met, I'm going for that job offer from 'Desperate Housewives'...at least I'll get some live fan service there, and not pedopiliac or necrophiliac ennuendo!"

ROFLMAO!!!! Those were hysterical! Please keep them coming!

*Minmei(at the end of 'To the Stars': "After all we went through, Rick, after all I did for you...you betray me like this! You make me SOOOO angry, and you won't like me when I'm angry!"
(Suddenly her skin turns green, and she bursts out of her clothing in a fit of protoculture/steroid-fuelled growth)*RRRRAARRRGGGHHHH!!!"

Rick:(Grabbing Lisa)"RUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!"

(the last shot of the hand closing the photo album shows a long shot of Minmei-Hulk charging after Rick and Lisa as they haul for the horizon...)

*Robotech: Macross:

-Minmei is found in the compartment of the SDF-1 alongside the remains of _Mockingbird_ and Rick Hunter's bloated, discoloring corpse...

Minmei:(bewildered)"He missed the tuna, but instead he snagged some bad blowfish..."

Captain Gloval:::Leads a large crowd towards a window in the zentraedi space station building the SDF 2::: "Ladies and gentlemen if you look out those windows you can over see the production area where the SDF 2's paint job is being completed as we speak."

The crowd looks out and sees a huge fabulously large and powerful starship with massive weapons emplacements painted to look like Minmei. Several people faint. Everyone still conscious turns to look at Captain Gloval.:::

Captain Gloval :::just shrugs his shoulders and says::: "We found out it wasn't her singing that won the battle, it was her looks".....

whipped4073 wrote:Phew... for a minute, I thought we wouldn't get any today...

You'll get some, even if we have to....

(spotlight comes on, illuminating Lynn Kyle who is precariously balancing on a highwire...)

....drop this man into a vat of creamed spinach!

Kyle: "HEY!"

Highwire: *Snap*

Kyle: "YYYYaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!....(#GLOURCHHH#)"


...just for a cheap thrill!

Kyle: (weak)"...mmmorp..hate spinach...hateithateithateit...blopp.....""

ROFLMAO!! Very good ones Taalismn!

I'll drop Lynn Kyle into creamed spinach anyday for a cheap laugh...or any excuse...

Now to set up up some vats of strained beets, tapioca, rubber cement, and mashed squash just in case...Maybe cranberry sauce in anticipation of Thanksgiving?

batlchip wrote:Scene:Ben,Rick and Lisa in the Zentraedi cell.
Rick:I think this would work better Lisa.
Ben:Yeah,This should work it would defiantly get my attention.
Lisa:Oh,All right.I'll do it.
(Cell door opens and Lisa pulls open her top)
Max:whoooa. That's awsome!

To continue...
Zentraedi:What are you doing?
Lisa(embarrest):Flashing you...why?
Zentraedi:Sorry. It's just not working for me.
Lisa(angry):Why NOT?!?!
Zentraedi:You're too old.Sorry
Rick:I think I'll stick with Minmei.
Lisa:WHAT!!!*Strangles poor Rick*

-The Zentreadi carefully scrutinize terrestrial transmissions for clues as their opponents' strengths and weaknesses...
Cut to Breetai, Dolza, and Exedore watching a monitor screen intensely...

Breetai: "They have their own cloning capabilities?!"
Screen: "...Let's Do the Time-Warp, AAGGAAIINNNNN!!!!"
Dolza: "THEY HAVE TIME TRAVEL!!!???"
Exedore: "They're insane!!!"

taalismn wrote:-The Zentreadi carefully scrutinize terrestrial transmissions for clues as their opponents' strengths and weaknesses...
Cut to Breetai, Dolza, and Exedore watching a monitor screen intensely...

Breetai: "They have their own cloning capabilities?!"
Screen: "...Let's Do the Time-Warp, AAGGAAIINNNNN!!!!"
Dolza: "THEY HAVE TIME TRAVEL!!!???"
Exedore: "They're insane!!!"

Dolza: It's astounding.

Breetai: Time is... fleeting.

Exedore: Madness takes it's toll.

Khyron: But listen closely

Azonia: Not for very much longer

Dolza: I've got to keep control!

ROFLMOA!!! Those were very funny! Please keep them coming!

*Zor Prime...after getting his memories back...
"I'm sorry, Dana...I remember EVERYTHING...including what the Regis looks like under her robes....After remembering THAT, I have no choice but to kill myself!"

LOL Pretty funny! Please keep them coming.

The Robotech Masters standing in profile, looking down at the Macross Mounds...
"Soon the prize will be ours..."
"We must have the Protoculture to survive..."
"Those who control the Spice control the Universe..."
(the other two stare at the last)
"What?!"

Meanwhile...
Dana Sterling: (looking in her bathroom mirror)"Great...I wonder if blue within blue eyes are some sort of late puberty Zentraedi thing....and why do I have this sudden urge to transfer to the Desert Squad?"

taalismn wrote:Meanwhile...
Dana Sterling: (looking in her bathroom mirror)"Great...I wonder if blue within blue eyes are some sort of late puberty Zentraedi thing....and why do I have this sudden urge to transfer to the Desert Squad?"

Dana: Dana Sterling!
(A wall explodes nearby)

Nova: We'll have to find you a nickname of some sort.

Dana (re the masters ships): Wow, you came here in that thing? You're braver than I thought!

Bowie to Louie:

"I dont know what a 'kwe-zac-sader-ack' is, but its kinda catchy."

New Transfer to Desert Squad: "Dang, on the size of your earthworms, you got us in Texas beat!"

Another new transfer to Desert Squad: Hey guys, blue eyes is all the go here, huh?

Field Marshal Leonard: (looking at previous postings)"I don't like where this is going.....I am not THAT fat, nor am I depraved, so don't look at me like that..."

A deep masculine voice croons in the darkness.....

"Nobody knows...the trouble I've seeeeennnnn....."

Light comes up to reveal Minmei singing the previous ....

On top of the robotech masters mothership:
Dana: "we're going in, and we're going in full throttle, that ought to keep those bioroids off our backs"
Angelo: "Dana, at that speed, will be able to pull out in time?"
Dana: "just like Main Street back home.."

Original beginning pilot for Robotech-Macross:

Openning shot of a desert island surrounded by blue ocean....A dingled up gerwalk-mode Veritech is crashed on one end of the island, a parachute is spread out to form a high-visibility air search target in the middle of the island, and Rick Hunter is walking along in his flight suit, dinged up but none the worse for wear, at the other end...
He is holding an emergency radio in one hand, which he periodiocally looks at as he slumps down to the sand and looks out over the water...He takes out a locket, pops it open...there's an appropiately cheesy 'girlfriend' photo on Minimei in it..He shakes his head and leans back when his hand enounters something in the sand...He turns around and pulls a stoppered bottle out of the sand. Curious, he pulls out the plug...
One cloud of magic smoke later, there's a haremgirl-clad Lisa Hayes standing there, looking somewhere between bubbly and cross....

"I Dream of Macross---The Wacky New Comedy by Macek!"

ROFLMAO!!! Very good! Please keep them coming.

Gloval to Dolza

{shatner voice}"WHY...CANT...WE...BE FREINDS? WHY....MUST... WE FIGHT?"{shatner voice}"

LOL Very funny! I can see that!

taalismn wrote:A deep masculine voice croons in the darkness.....

"Nobody knows...the trouble I've seeeeennnnn....."

Light comes up to reveal Minmei singing the previous ....

Barf the Mawg: "....and she's a base!"

That version of Minmei might just scare Rick enough to never date her. And he'd be better off carrying out the Crocodile Dundee test on Minmei. He might go straight to Lisa and would have dated her in the first place.

The Stargate SG-1 tie-in we never saw....

Arab kid crossing the desert near some ruins....he stumbles across an old lamp in the sand...He picks it up, thinks 'what the heck...it's a cliche, but it might be worth something....' and polishes the lamp on his sleeve...

*BAMPF!*

It's Big...It's Blue...It's Breetai...


*Hmmmm.....Breetai reacting to Lisa's asking him to give her away, by singing "You Ain't Never Had a Friend Like Me!"....

Lord_Coake wrote:

taalismn wrote:haremgirl-clad Lisa Hayes

This needed to make it into the comics.

What Edwards mighta seen if he had the Hunters' quarters bugged...

Then, again, after seeing Lisa with the bullwhip, he mighta treated them with more respect and lot more FEAR...

a triumverate of Science masters standing in front of three bioroids
Science Master: "We have finished Installing the Triumveroids into the modified Bioroid chassis as planned."
Science Master 2: "we must now test them against these Humans."
Science Master 3: "Deploy and destroy all Human mecha you encounter, leave no one alive!"
Three Cromed Bioroids with scanning red faceplates: "By your command"

Haydonite and Cylon in staring face-off...
Haydonite: *Hah, you blinked!*
Cylon:*I. DID. NOT. BLINK*
Haydonite: *You looked away!*
Cylon: *THAT. DOES. NOT. CONSTITUTE. A. BLINK.*
Haydonite: *You're not swiveling out of this one, toaster!*
Cylon: *INTERROGATIVE: HOW. ABOUT.I.PUNCH.OUT.YOUR.LIGHT. PLAGERISM.UNIT*

ROFLMAO!!! Those are very funny!

Scene:Breetai and Exedor talking on their bridge.
Breetai:I think the micronains mean to attack our fleet.
Exedore:Surely you must be joking.That is completly illogical.
Breetai:Nonless that is what they're planning.And don't call me shirly.

Scene:Dana and the 15th racing on their hover bikes.
Dana:Try and keep up with me guys!
As she rounds a corner she smacks face first into a stop sign.
Louie:That's gotta hurt.

Gratuitous Fanservice and Old Cliches...

Lisa Hayes: (face shot) "First Officer of the SDF-1..."
(shot pulls back revealing more of her...)
"Captain of the SDF-3"
(Pulls back more)
"Admiral of the REF!"
(farther...)
"QUEEN OF SPACE!!!"
(..finally we see her in a black leather outfit, whip in hand, by now grinning maniacally...)
Rick Hunter: (off camera)"*GULP*...Yes, Mistress!"
*WHIP-!CRACK!*


Later...

KNOCK-KNOCK

Miriya: "LIsa! What brings you here?...What's wrong?"
Lisa: "...er....I gotta problem.."
Max: "What is it?"
Lisa: "i...er...we...ah. we...that is...rick and I...well...we were having..fun and well.......rick'sdeadisortakilledhimduringfunandgameshe'slyingdeadin our room..."
Max: "I'll get the chainsaw...Mir, you get the plastic sheeting."
Miriya(alone with Lisa): "Lisa...what were you doing when he died?"

Lisa: "er.....vengeful Zentraedi huntress and hapless Earthman pilot...."

Miriya:(beaming) "Ah! That's a good one!"

whipped4073 wrote::shock:

My brain is bleeding now. Thank you ever so much for that image..

I try to write like the motto of the 'Ignoble Awards'...first you laugh...then you THINK...
Bleeding from your ears is optional...

You think that's bad, the Macross Perfect Memory art book and Do You Remember Love? albums have some art bloopers....DYRL has a Male Power Armor tripping over a hatch with a VF in full samurai mode screaming after it, Rick Hunter's VF-1S smashing back into the bridge windows(Gloval can be seen hauling ass for the escape doors), and a pair of Female Power Armors playing some sort of handball game versus a VF-1S.....

Macross Perfect Memory has, among the B&W sketchwork, a panel of the interior shot of the larger EC AWACS aircraft with the technicians at their consoles,...while behind them, there's a nude Lisa Hayes standing by the lockers....One wonders what the gag was ..."Oh man, there goes our EO streaking again..."...or..."%%*# it! Why does crisis always have to strike when I'm in the SHOWER!!!!???"

Lisa nude?
Cue Max
Max:Whoooaa

whipped4073 wrote:

batlchip wrote:Lisa nude?
Cue Max
Max:Whoooaa

<wolf whistle>



Definitely sign me up for bridge duty!

-Lisa and Claudia on the Bridge confront Gloval...
Claudia: "We've had a number of requests for morale-building events from the civilian sector...Some of them have merit...others we can't afford to ignore..."

Gloval: "Well, morale is important...but what are those we 'can't afford to ignore'?"

Lisa: "Well...there's this one from the Merry Wives of Macross group...a female support group, but everybody listens to them...they want you to appear before them..."

Gloval: "I think I can set aside some time to talk to them..."

Lisa: "...in the full monty..."

Claudia: "With a cowboy hat!"

Lisa: "..mechanical bull optional...."

...moments later the Bridge Bunnies are using the Heimlich Maneuver to remove Gloval's pipe from his esophagus....


(Sorry...I had to do it in all fairness for our female readers... )

taalismn wrote:-Lisa and Claudia on the Bridge confront Gloval...
Claudia: "We've had requests, a number of, morale-building we can't ignore...

Gloval: This is the bridge, not the deck of the HMS Pinafore!

Bridge bunnies: This is the bridge not the deck of pinafore!
This is the bridge and not the deck of pinafore!
This is the bridge and not the deck of pinafore!

Gloval: I am the very model of a macross city admiral
I've shot the zentraedi like they were trout in a rain barrel
In short with just a smattering of elemental strategy
We'll have the robotech masters like dogs within a cattery!

For space combat and battles, I'm so plucky and adventury
And my name will live on past this and even other centuries
But still with matters alien, zentraedi and quiltra-quelauel,
I am the very model of a macross city admiral!

Claudia: "Well, after that last ditty, Lloyd's of London just cancelled our insurance policy..."

Gloval: "Well, no surprise there!"

for the Gilbert and Sullivan recital!

What do you think Lynn Kyle is for!

Captain Gloval::: "Cabin boy! Cabin boy! I need the cabin boy now!"

Lynn Kyle dressed as an 19th century cabin boy.::: "Yes sir! What can I do for you Catpain?"

Captain Gloval looks over at the massage therapy table in his daytime cabin.::: "I need a back rub cabin boy! And since your the only one who knows where the oil is you have been volunteered by myself. So well start on my upper back and work our way down."

Lynn Kyle gulps quietly::: "yes sir." :::He says sullenly.:::

It's...

POLICE SQUAD!!!!

Guest=starring...

Lyn Kyle!!!

(Kyle appears in the doorway after kicking somebody out of his way and he steps in, flexing his arms...
stepping right into the path of the rampaging bull that appears from offcamera, goring him midsection, and carrying him back through the door and out of the camera-view...)

So Lynn Kyle dies in the first scene! Great Blooper Taalismn! YAHOO!!! He makes a great dead body! LOL Please keep them coming!

Police Squad ALWAYS did that with its quest stars...and after his long stint in Macross...the next time we see Kyle in any 'official' capacity in the first three pages of 'Prelude to the Shadow Chronicles' he's a dead body...
Oh well, maybe he can get a part in the next 'Spiderman' movie...