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Bring out the clones! I always felt that they were going to have to use clones to get anywhere!

The SDF-1 in BattleMode, on Earth...Gloval's pacing the bridge.
Gloval: "Where the heck is Lisa? It's not like her to miss her shift!"
(meanwhile, outside the bridge windows, an enormous ape goes climbing up over the bridge, Lisa clutched in its paw...)

:::Gloval spotting the giant ape further notices Lisa in its clutches.::: "Fire the Wave moti........I mean the Reflex Cannon at that dam dirty ape! We must save Lisa!"

Roy:"It wasn't the veritechs that killed him...It was the fact that Minmei can't hold a high note that killed the beast!"

Poor broken beast! Killed by a far worse beast!

---Shot of Minmei belching the national anthem before collapsing facefirst in a drunken stupor...

"Yep, famed actress Lynn Minmei on the way to her child custody hearing..."

Or trying to flatulating the national anthem out!

Please Ms. Spears step aside for the other trailer trash.

Rick Hunter's Dream Sequence(?)
Rick: "Gotta use this bicycle to get to the moon! BICYCLE TO THE MOON?! Wait! This has gotta be a dream! Gotta be a drea---'

Gloval: "What just went *splutch* across the bridge windshields?"
Claudia: "Don't know, sir, it looked like a bicycle."

LOL Poor Rick! He didn't deserve that sort of fate. Minmei does though!

Lisa:(to bandage-wrapped figure in hospital bed)"I'm so very sorry....I'm sorry! I almost killed you! And...I think...I love you! Please, oh please, be all right!"

Nurse: (coming in)"Ma'am? Rick Hunter's room is across the hall. This is Missuz Schwartz."

Lisa looks down and see the mummy-tractioned person in the bed, only the eyes visible through the wrappings, looking at her with an absolutely puzzled(and maybe a little bit shocked and amused) expression to the eyebrows....

-Max and Miriya are fighting in Macross Park--
Miriya: "DIE, MICRON-*WHAP*nngk.."(THUD)
-Max is left looking at an unconscious Miriya who accidentally stepped on a rake left in the grass, which has popped up and cold-cocked her...Now what's he supposed to do?

-Hangar Bay of the SDF-1- A squad of veritechs and destroids is clustered around a Zentraedi Recon Pod while a VF-1S and the Zentraedi pilot are fussing with the pod's hatch...
VF-1S Captain: "Lemme get this straight...You Locked Yourself Out of Your Own Mecha?!"
Zentraedi Pod Pilot: "Hey! This is a bad neighborhood for us! I was nervous!"
Gladiator Pilot: (stepping up behind them) "Okay, boys in Logistics made me a giant coat hanger! Now let this girl from the Bronx show you her magic! Wanna time me on this?"

Fade in to and ad:

Are you in a bad neighborhood and you are worried about your mecha? Just use the "Otto-pilot" feature in your mecha to keep away pesty interlopers. Once installed this product gives the impression of there being someone in the cockpit when you have to go on some classified missions away from your mecha. Once installed it even moves around on a programmed set of patterns. Of course we recommend single women stay way out of arms reach from "Otto-pilot as they generate a lot of static electricity in various locations of their bodies which causes "Otto" to be attracted to them and to get stuck in embarrassing places.


Ad end:

(Cut to Max sitting in his living room)

Max: (deadpan)"Have problems with cramps, bloating, extremes of behavior? DRead that time of the month when the woprld seems out to get you and rationality flies out the door? Suffer from distorted vision, decline of health, and loss of your ability to enjoy the things you normally do?"

Miriya: "Honey! I'm cleaning this mess out NOW!!!"

(the rear thrusters of a Veritech back into the room, and suddenly we're shown what happens when you open up the throttles of a supersonic aerospace fighter in a confined space...)
FFFFWWWWOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(flare and smoke clear to show the living room flashburned and Max still sitting on the remains of his couch, completely crisped in comic fashion save for his half-lidded eyes...)

Max: (Holding up a small bottle)"Tylenol ExTee-Tabs...specially formulated for human husbands of alien wives...for serious pain relief from the monthlies..."

Yikes. Now THAT is cleaning house!

Would anything even be left of the couch? I'm somehow doubting it.

AuroraKet wrote::lol:

Yikes. Now THAT is cleaning house!

Would anything even be left of the couch? I'm somehow doubting it.

Comic License...There should be nothing left of MAX either...

ROFLMAO!! Very funny! Poor Max!

Rick: "I'm really sorry about going to see MInmei, instead of taking you to that picnic, Lisa!"
Lisa: "I'll forgive you on one condition..."
Rick: "That is?..."

(later)
Max: "I think it's a sign of faith and fidelity if you DON'T try to pick the lock on the collar, Rick."
Rick: "IT's not the collar I mind so much.....it's just that until the brand heals, I can't sit down without that burning pain! Preparation H just doesn't do anything!"

Ouch! Poor Rick! He'll make a wonderful henpecked husband this way!

Add-on to 'OWNED Rick':

Rick: *Beep*Beep*Beep* "Oh crud! She's got me Lo-Jacked!"

LOL I wonder where Lisa put that on Rick? Really I don't want to know.

Rick:(on phone) "Hello? Houdini Supply Co.? Yes, I'd like to change the means of shipping or my order....that would be order number 23234...Yes, the Personal Concealable All-in-One Lock Pick and Escape Took Micro-Kit....to First Class Ninja Delivery..>Yes, put on my card....IF I'm not at home, deliver it to the following address...specifically the bedroom...I'll be needing it immediately..."

ROFLMAO! Good one Rick!

IT was that fateful day on Breetai's flagship that Rick Hunter realized...

"Lisa Hayes is a sex-fiend..."

It was also that day that Rick Hunter's friends realized...

"Better him than us."

---Excerpted from Jung Freud's "The HyperFold Club---Men, Women, Survival Genetics, Social and Sexual Dynamics in the First Robotech War."

Ah the new way to loose weight! Sexorcise with Lisa! Sex your way to a new you!

Also with this you can be ready for a new career in film!

Aramanthus wrote:Ah the new way to loose weight! Sexorcise with Lisa! Sex your way to a new you!

Also with this you can be ready for a new career in film!

UNfortunately, Rick still had the 'Special' on when Lisa had their first child...

Lisa:"YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!! IT'S -YOUR-FAULT!!! SHARE MY PAIN!!!"
(clench)!!!ZZZAPPPP!!!!#YYYIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!#
Max: "Should we ask for a painkiller for Rick?"
MIriya: "No...without him distracting her, she might turn on us next."

Poor Rick! Again Lisa beats the stuffing out of him with the pain device! I can onlt believe that his life with Minmei would have be truely a hell on earth to make that look like paradise! I don't even want to go down that little stream of thought!

Rick married to Minmei.............:::Thoughts on it.:::

Aramanthus wrote:Poor Rick! Again Lisa beats the stuffing out of him with the pain device! I can onlt believe that his life with Minmei would have be truely a hell on earth to make that look like paradise! I don't even want to go down that little stream of thought!

Rick married to Minmei.............:::Thoughts on it.:::

"Fish head soup AGAIN!!!????"
"Well, it -is- your favorite."
"It -IS-?!"

Rick!:::: "Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh! I've got a headache and she won't shutup!"

Minmei::: "Rick are you sure you don't want anymore of my catfish surprise?"

Rick: "No! I can definately don't want anymore of your cooking! It's terrible! It's poisonous."

Minmei::: Just as cheefully.::: "You only had one helping of the catfish. Maybe you'd like to try the sidedish, it's made from pontsetta plants roots. Someone told me it was best served fried."

Rick: "Minmei that is poinsonous too!"

Minmei: "Oh Rick just try it." "She takes a scoop and forces it into Ricks mouth as he is about to protest. He turns a uniques variety shades of colors and then drops dead from poison.:::

"...and CUT!"

Minmei: "Oh thank god! We like retook that one shot, what, eighteen times?...My cigars! Did somebody filch my cigars?! Genuine Cubans, they were! If I find somebody swiped my cheroots, I'm going to %*&! dig that &^$^^& a new ********!...And Hikaru? Enough with the antiseptic spray! I'm sure the crew sanitized that canvas seat already!"

Hikaru/Hunter: "But Miiinnnnnnn.....these sets are FILTHY! Germs all over the place! I don't need a staph-infection!"

Misa/Lisa: "...hey, 8hic* Whoya callin' ol' souruss?!"

Minmei: "....your scene's not going to be shot for another two hours and already you're drunk?! I can't work like this! Get me a supporting female cast member who DOESN'T come to work soused! And maybe a co-star who ISN'T an obsessive-compulsive hypochondriac!"

(Grand Cannon INspection Platform)
Admiral Hayes: "Ah, Lisa, your mother would have been proud of the fine young woman you've grown up to become! In fact, she'd have wanted you to finally have this..."
Lisa: "Mom's bullwhip?"
Admiral Hayes: "Yes, you're finally ready for this...and for that special somebody in your life!"
Lisa: "Thanks, Dad, I can really use this." (Whip-KRACK! Whip-KRACK!)
Admiral Hayes: (watching)"Yep...just like your mother."

(New Generation...)

Lancer takes a sunbath...on top of a buried Invid shocktrooper...
THEN realizes what he's really laying on...

Same episode:
Lancer hears sudden movement...looks up in time to see...
...slavering jaws as a jaguar hops up on the rock with him...
(moments later Rand, Rook, Marlene, and Annie look up as a doppler-screaming Lancer streaks past them with a mad cat latched onto his underwear and posterior)

Same episode...
Magruder goes for the knockout shot, but Lancer beats him to the punch with a snap-punch to the jewels...
Lancer: "Oops! Reflex action! Are you okay?"
Magruder: "...aside from forever swearing off women, I'm just peachy..."

"Annie's Birthday"
Lunk fires off a salvo of fireworks when one of them goes astray, streaks towards the house, over and between the women, and explodes inside...
Lunk: "Oops..."

Dairugger XV wrote:

taalismn wrote:Same episode:
Lancer hears sudden movement...looks up in time to see...
...slavering jaws as a Smoke Jaguar hops up on the rock with him...
(moments later Rand, Rook, Marlene, and Annie look up as a doppler-screaming Lancer streaks past them with a Mad Cat latched onto his underwear and posterior)

Scott: I thought the Clans weren't supposed to be around for another thousand years.

Rand: Scott, you're thinking way too hard about this situation. Now, go get your Alpha.

Dairugger XV wrote:

taalismn wrote:Same episode:
Lancer hears sudden movement...looks up in time to see...
...slavering jaws as a Smoke Jaguar hops up on the rock with him...
(moments later Rand, Rook, Marlene, and Annie look up as a doppler-screaming Lancer streaks past them with a Mad Cat latched onto his underwear and posterior)

Scott: I thought the Clans weren't supposed to be around for another thousand years.

Rand: Scott, you're thinking way too hard about this situation. Now, go get your Alpha.

Scott: "Can't....mecha overheated...I'm out for a few turns.."

Invid Scout:(from fifteen feet deep inside a sidewalk)#....i %#@!!& HATE Death-From-Above.....#

Regis: #"What was that? I can hardly hear you!"#

LAMs(Land Air Mechs)----Opposing Harmony Gold, Macross, and Robotech forces get an automatic +10 to Strike, Copyright Vengeance Advantage.

Tomahawk MkIV Vs. Warhammer MkI
"Good, bad, legal...I'm the guy who doesn't need heat sinks!"

~ Lance Corpral John "Dead-eye" Johnson, RDF ground forces.

Gladiator Pilot: "...though I WOULD appreciate jumpjets..."

"Jump jets?! We don't need no steenking jump je... What the hell is he doing?"
-BONG-
"...ow..."
~PFC Juan 'Nacho' Hernandez, RDF ground forces. First victim of the dreaded M.A.C. II hover thruster re-fit "Death From Above"

--ALUCE Base....crater wall...a stream of warships passes overheard, as the camera pans down to show...
...A Black Monolith on the stark lunar landscape..
...It is totally ignored...

Shot of a hangar bay in ALUCE..Alphas, Betas, and Shadowfighters are all rolling about, revving, arming...
...There's a Black Monolith sitting right in the launch bay entrance...
"Somebody want to move that damn thing out of the way?!"
...A destroid steps up and and picks up the monolith and moves it aside...

Corridor of ALUCE Base..
...With a Black Monolith right in the middle of it...
*WHAM!*
"OUCH! Hey! Who left this thing in the middle of the hall!?"
...A few minutes later two Cyclone Riders come up and pick up the monolith and carry it away...

...General Reinhardt's office on ALUCE Base...
...With a Black Monolith standing in front of his desk...
"Har har har...very funny...(cues intercom)..Sparks, can you have this thing moved out of my office? Somebody's got too much time on their hands if they're playing dumb practical jokes."
...If alien stone could cry...

Macross Island, Macross City, first Zentraedi assault.
Blue 1: "Jansen! Formation Groucho!"
Blue 6: "Ryokai!"

Scene of battlepod sprinting down street. Unseen by it's operator, a crate of bannana's is tossed in front of it by the Battroid piloted by Blue 6.

-Clang clang clang clang SQUIP.....BONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!-

Battlepod now on back like turtle as giant cream pie is dropped on it's optics by Blue 1.

Zentraedi soldier: "...I hate micronians..."

...Scene in Macross supermarket, as several Battlepod feet go crashing past the window...A Merchant Marine sailor dashes in, tosses some money on the counter..
"Spinach, all you got, and fast!"
Moments later, there's the sound of a steam whistle..>LOUD<...and a thundering SMASH as three battlepods go spinning kettle-over-arse over the horizon...

taalismn wrote:...Scene in Macross supermarket, as several Battlepod feet go crashing past the window...A Merchant Marine sailor dashes in, tosses some money on the counter..
"Spinach, all you got, and fast!"
Moments later, there's the sound of a steam whistle..>LOUD<...and a thundering SMASH as three battlepods go spinning kettle-over-arse over the horizon...

"BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Okay...you win with that one

anime cross over: Ranma 1/2

see Navigator Ryoga plot a fold jump to the far side of the moon!!
find out what happens when Shampoo is hired as minmei's body guard!
watch The Bernard group really get screwed up when Ranma signs on as roadie for Yellow Dancer!

ROFLMAO!!!! Those are some seriously funny ones!!!!

glitterboy2098 wrote:anime cross over: Ranma 1/2

see Navigator Ryoga plot a fold jump to the far side of the moon!!
find out what happens when Shampoo is hired as minmei's body guard!
watch The Bernard group really get screwed up when Ranma signs on as roadie for Yellow Dancer!

There have actually been some very good Ranma/Robotech fanfics...but none ever make it to the New Generation..THough I really wanted to crash a few of them with the Invid discovering Jusenkyo, Ryouga or Ranma still wandering Robotech Earth as near-immortals, or Genma selling Ranma to Azonia in exchange for his life...

Rook: "THose are REAL!"
Ranma/Ranko: "Please stop doing that."

Ryouga: "RAND, FOR ALMOST EATING ME, PREPARE TO DIE!!!"

Rand: "Ever have that feeling somebody just walked over your grave...?"
Ranma: "All the time."

LOL!!! Very funny! Don't forget about Moose?

Moouse: "SHAMPOO! You came back to me!!"(GLOMP*SMOOCH*)
"ARRYYYRRRGHHH!!!"
Rand: "Wow...Lunk can sure unload with that Fal-2 of his..."

ROFLMAO!!! Very good! Imagine the terror on the Robotech characters faces to see the Ranma 1/2 characters changing back at the most embarassing times!

Rand: "Just so I don't have to go through heartbreak EVER again on this trip...Rook, do you turn into a guy, small animal, large animal, or anything else other than what you are right now...i.e., a buxom blonde tomboy from Canyontown, who can shoot a laser rifle better than me?"

Rook: "You're really taking this hard, aren't you?"