Robotech Blooper Reels

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:04 pm

511: I am not to pimp Zor Prime's 'failed' clones as giggolos
512: I am not to enter Zor Prime as a candidate for Grand Marshal of the local 'Gay Pride' parade
512a: Nor am I to hack the ASC command database and change his provisional rank to 'Field Marshal'
513: I am not to shave off Captain Gloval's mustache while he's asleep in the command chair
514: I am not allowed to enter my Mac II 'Monster' in the Rose Bowl Parade(it won't fit under the powerlines at the corner anyways)
515: Hazing Dana Sterling at her Academy induction was NOT a good idea. Not only do I have to pay to have the flagpole replaced, but I have to pay for the surgery to remove it from my____.

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Fri Mar 11, 2011 1:14 am

516: I'm not to Line dance with my veritech.
517:I am not to do the electric Slide in a M.A.C II
518:I am not to call Nova Satori "sugar lips"(took me awhile to heal right.)
519:I will not put a blow up doll in Dana Sterling's hover tank
520:I will not call up to the bridge and order pizza.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:07 pm

taalismn wrote:511: I am not to pimp Zor Prime's 'failed' clones as giggolos
512: I am not to enter Zor Prime as a candidate for Grand Marshal of the local 'Gay Pride' parade
512a: Nor am I to hack the ASC command database and change his provisional rank to 'Field Marshal'
513: I am not to shave off Captain Gloval's mustache while he's asleep in the command chair
514: I am not allowed to enter my Mac II 'Monster' in the Rose Bowl Parade(it won't fit under the powerlines at the corner anyways)
515: Hazing Dana Sterling at her Academy induction was NOT a good idea. Not only do I have to pay to have the flagpole replaced, but I have to pay for the surgery to remove it from my____.

batlchip wrote:516: I'm not to Line dance with my veritech.
517:I am not to do the electric Slide in a M.A.C II
518:I am not to call Nova Satori "sugar lips"(took me awhile to heal right.)
519:I will not put a blow up doll in Dana Sterling's hover tank
520:I will not call up to the bridge and order pizza.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Mar 11, 2011 1:12 pm

521: I will not spread the rumor that the next-generation Veritech Fighter will be 'super-deformed' and the pilots will all be required to be 'chibi-fied'.
522: I will not polish my UEF/RDF-issue boots to mirror-reflectivity for the purpose of peering up the skirts of female officers
523: I will not order screen doors for Moon Base
524: As tempting as it is, I will not doctor the contents of Col. Wolfe's hip-flask with ipecac.
525: 'Chicken Guns' are for testing aircraft canopies, NOT riot control!

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Mar 12, 2011 12:42 am

taalismn wrote:521: I will not spread the rumor that the next-generation Veritech Fighter will be 'super-deformed' and the pilots will all be required to be 'chibi-fied'.
522: I will not polish my UEF/RDF-issue boots to mirror-reflectivity for the purpose of peering up the skirts of female officers
523: I will not order screen doors for Moon Base
524: As tempting as it is, I will not doctor the contents of Col. Wolfe's hip-flask with ipecac.
525: 'Chicken Guns' are for testing aircraft canopies, NOT riot control!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Mar 12, 2011 10:20 am

526: The ol' 'rabid wolverine in the cockpit' gag is apparently no longer funny.
527: Replacing the team's laser pistols with replica squirtguns is also right out.
528: Ordering the new female Zentraedi uniforms from 'Striper Supply' wasn't my brightest idea.
529: I shall not tamper with the hospitalized alien POW's medication.
530: (Zentraedi) When Mister Khyron orders me to gravity-mine the planet, I will remember where I placed them.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:26 pm

taalismn wrote:526: The ol' 'rabid wolverine in the cockpit' gag is apparently no longer funny.
527: Replacing the team's laser pistols with replica squirtguns is also right out.
528: Ordering the new female Zentraedi uniforms from 'Striper Supply' wasn't my brightest idea.
529: I shall not tamper with the hospitalized alien POW's medication.
530: (Zentraedi) When Mister Khyron orders me to gravity-mine the planet, I will remember where I placed them.

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:09 am

531:I will not run to my veritech in a superman costume the next time we run scramble drills.
532:I will not put fake skeletons in the womans dorms.
533:I will not put rubber spiders in the female officer's beds
534:Flying my veritech in my underwear is bad.
536:Painting a giant Hentai pictures on my veritech's wings is not smart.
537:Putting Goodvear Blimp on the seat of Crystal's flight suit is deadly.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Mon Mar 14, 2011 11:30 am

batlchip wrote:531:I will not run to my veritech in a superman costume the next time we run scramble drills.
532:I will not put fake skeletons in the womans dorms.
533:I will not put rubber spiders in the female officer's beds
534:Flying my veritech in my underwear is bad.
536:Painting a giant Hentai pictures on my veritech's wings is not smart.
537:Putting Goodvear Blimp on the seat of Crystal's flight suit is deadly.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:04 pm

538: Substituting Nova Satori's regular shampoo with 'Nair' is a hanging offense
539: Chugging Zentraedi-strength moonshine is not a good idea for anyone who doesn't have a teflon-coated stomach and titanium-lined intestines
540: Putting that chimpanzee in an officer's uniform and saluting him when the brass come by on an inspection was NOT a good idea...
540a: I understand 'Lieutenant George Bonzo' made Captain last week....
541: Please make sure that all access panels on your Veritech are closed and the technicans have crawled back out of the interior spaces of your mecha before taking off
542: 'Beer Fest' is not a legitimate excuse to take leave from your duty rotations.
543: Your mecha doesn't suffer from 'critical heat buildup'! Quit asking about 'double heatsinks' either!
544: I don't care how good you think your marksmanship is! Power down your PBC and tell that man over there to take that damn apple off his head!
545: Take the damn 'Dukes of Hazard' soundtrack off your Silverback's external louspeaker system!

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:51 pm

taalismn wrote:538: Substituting Nova Satori's regular shampoo with 'Nair' is a hanging offense
539: Chugging Zentraedi-strength moonshine is not a good idea for anyone who doesn't have a teflon-coated stomach and titanium-lined intestines
540: Putting that chimpanzee in an officer's uniform and saluting him when the brass come by on an inspection was NOT a good idea...
540a: I understand 'Lieutenant George Bonzo' made Captain last week....
541: Please make sure that all access panels on your Veritech are closed and the technicans have crawled back out of the interior spaces of your mecha before taking off
542: 'Beer Fest' is not a legitimate excuse to take leave from your duty rotations.
543: Your mecha doesn't suffer from 'critical heat buildup'! Quit asking about 'double heatsinks' either!
544: I don't care how good you think your marksmanship is! Power down your PBC and tell that man over there to take that damn apple off his head!
545: Take the damn 'Dukes of Hazard' soundtrack off your Silverback's external louspeaker system!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 2:10 pm

546: Anti-mecha mines are not to be used as parking space reservation devices
547: You are not allowed to play 'Spiderman' in Monument City with your Mountain Battloid
548: Whoever gave that 'Fredericks of Hollywood' catalogue to the Praxians, please report to the JAG; they'd like a little talk with you.
548a: Likewise, whoever gave them that 'Mistress Misa's Dungeon' catalogue is to report to the JAG.
549: Bungee-jumping Destroids is NOT to be attempted without prior approval and adequate(and by that we mean sworn testimony of at least three senior mecha engineers) technical support.
550: You are not to make 'zap', 'zip-zip', or 'bang-bang' noises with your mouth when firing mecha weapons; damn it, we're professionals here!

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:01 am

551:hentai doujin's are not to be given to the male zents.
552:Throwing woman's underwear in the male zent quarters is forbidden.
553:There will be no more video recording of the Praxian vollyball practices.
554:Grand Theft Auto 4 is not to be used as a tool to teach zents micronian culture.
555:Trying to hit on Praxians will be done at our own risk.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 8:13 pm

556: Teaching full-size Zentraedi how to play bagpipes was a serious tactical error..
556a: To say nothing of the kilts...
556b: Likewise, who gave Minmei the idea...Really, a Japanese pop-icon bagpiper?!
557: We don't appreciate the Zentreadi-sized dartboard hanging next to Field Marshal Leonard's office. Take it down, please.
558: Don't ever install a Silverback engine in a golf cart ever again...EVER. We were able to recover General Reinhardt, but we still haven't found his caddy.
559: To the idiot who glued the toupee on the chincilla, covered its mouth in whipped cream, and set it loose in the barracks with a scream of 'Rabid Pollinator!', you'll get yours. We have enough trouble with the REAL ones, without $#!+s like you spreading false alarms!
560: If you do not know what that button does is your cockpit, DON'T PUSH IT! Seriously!!!

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:07 pm

taalismn wrote:546: Anti-mecha mines are not to be used as parking space reservation devices
547: You are not allowed to play 'Spiderman' in Monument City with your Mountain Battloid
548: Whoever gave that 'Fredericks of Hollywood' catalogue to the Praxians, please report to the JAG; they'd like a little talk with you.
548a: Likewise, whoever gave them that 'Mistress Misa's Dungeon' catalogue is to report to the JAG.
549: Bungee-jumping Destroids is NOT to be attempted without prior approval and adequate(and by that we mean sworn testimony of at least three senior mecha engineers) technical support.
550: You are not to make 'zap', 'zip-zip', or 'bang-bang' noises with your mouth when firing mecha weapons; damn it, we're professionals here!

batlchip wrote:551:hentai doujin's are not to be given to the male zents.
552:Throwing woman's underwear in the male zent quarters is forbidden.
553:There will be no more video recording of the Praxian vollyball practices.
554:Grand Theft Auto 4 is not to be used as a tool to teach zents micronian culture.
555:Trying to hit on Praxians will be done at our own risk.

taalismn wrote:556: Teaching full-size Zentraedi how to play bagpipes was a serious tactical error..
556a: To say nothing of the kilts...
556b: Likewise, who gave Minmei the idea...Really, a Japanese pop-icon bagpiper?!
557: We don't appreciate the Zentreadi-sized dartboard hanging next to Field Marshal Leonard's office. Take it down, please.
558: Don't ever install a Silverback engine in a golf cart ever again...EVER. We were able to recover General Reinhardt, but we still haven't found his caddy.
559: To the idiot who glued the toupee on the chincilla, covered its mouth in whipped cream, and set it loose in the barracks with a scream of 'Rabid Pollinator!', you'll get yours. We have enough trouble with the REAL ones, without $#!+s like you spreading false alarms!
660: If you do not know what that button does is your cockpit, DON'T PUSH IT! Seriously!!!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Mar 18, 2011 12:14 pm

561: Refering to Captain Grant as 'Captain Greybeard' before your annual performance review is a BAD mistake
562: Refering to Doctor Grant as 'Doctor Juggalugs' before one's annual physical is an even WORSE mistake
563: Calling Doctor Nichols 'nerdboy' not-quite-behind-his-back before you get your regular credit statement from the bank isn't such a great idea either...
564: Hovervehicles lack traction; remember this before attempting to use them to tow anything heavier than them.
565: Planting flowers around the ASC headquarters may look nice, but planting Flower of Life in flower boxes outside Field Marshal Leonard's office is a no-no.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:54 pm

taalismn wrote:661: Refering to Captain Grant as 'Captain Greybeard' before your annual performance review is a BAD mistake
662: Refering to Doctor Grant as 'Doctor Juggalugs' before one's annual physical is an even WORSE mistake
663: Calling Doctor Nichols 'nerdboy' not-quite-behind-his-back before you get your regular credit statement from the bank isn't such a great idea either...
664: Hovervehicles lack traction; remember this before attempting to use them to tow anything heavier than them.
665: Planting flowers around the ASC headquarters may look nice, but planting Flower of Life in flower boxes outside Field Marshal Leonard's office is a no-no.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:14 pm

566: I will not use the Zentraedi Grand Fleet to burn my name in five hundred-mile-wide letters across a planetary surface
567: I will make sure I am wearing a cup before patting Maria Sterling's butt ever again.
568: I will NOT insult my superior officer's girlfriend before I go up against him in hand-to-hand combat qualifications
569: Before I get into my mecha, I will make sure my ground crew has NOT been out drinking the night before.
570: I WILL read the label of anything I'm about to drink, because I DO want to know what's in it.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Mar 19, 2011 6:22 pm

taalismn wrote:666: I will not use the Zentraedi Grand Fleet to burn my name in five hundred-mile-wide letters across a planetary surface
667: I will make sure I am wearing a cup before patting Maria Sterling's butt ever again.
668: I will NOT insult my superior officer's girlfriend before I go up against him in hand-to-hand combat qualifications
669: Before I get into my mecha, I will make sure my ground crew has NOT been out drinking the night before.
670: I WILL read the label of anything I'm about to drink, because I DO want to know what's in it.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Mar 19, 2011 8:11 pm

571: 'Slingshot Orbits' do not involve rubberbands
572: I am secure in my Robotechnology; I will not feel obliged to pick fights with Macrossniks
573: I will make sure our side is actually LOSING before activating the 'scorched earth' option.
574: I will not slip a strip-tease bump-and-grind score to Minmei's band just before the big concert.
575: I will not sign Captain Grant's leg cast 'To the fatso' where he can't see it.
575a: Nor where he CAN see it.

GaredBattlespike · Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:28 am

Greetings!

576) Using a full-sized Meltran's "Upper Body Support" as a trampoline, in public, was perhaps a poor choice.
576a) On the other hand, since I took the beatings so well, she and I are now dating. 8-)

577) Dating a Meltrani isn't bad if she sits in your lap AFTER Micronizing!!! (Ow! Ow! Ow!)
578) Dating a Full-Sized Meltrani isn't all bad: She can CARRY my broken down car to the mechanic, then we go shopping...
579) Never marry a Meltrani who WILL NOT Micronize!!! Trust me!!!
580) Accepting a date from Nova Satori is like volunteering for mutilation/torture...Cuz she will!!!
581) Minmae is a Cylon.
582) Lisa is really Sara Conner.
583) Rick Hunter made the wrong choice: Shoulda married Claudia. Better looking and more class.
584) I will not use Nova Satori's underwear as a flag again; It took all day to De-Con the flagpole...
585) I will not use the missile launchers as a "trysting" spot ever again-especially not during an alert! The MP's will NOT be amused.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Mar 20, 2011 1:28 pm

586: I will NOT Itano Circus all my missiles on a single target if he has wingmates/backup
587: (Regis)Polka dot camouflage schemes on Invid are NOT a sign of evolution, no matter how much I might like the look.
588:(Regent) No matter how much I drink, it ISN'T going to make the Regis look any better.
589:(Regent) Next time, pick a co-conspirator who doesn't laugh out loud maniacally
590: (T.R. Edwards) Next time see a speech therapist about that tendency to laugh out loud maniacally

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Mon Mar 21, 2011 12:23 am

taalismn wrote:571: 'Slingshot Orbits' do not involve rubberbands
572: I am secure in my Robotechnology; I will not feel obliged to pick fights with Macrossniks
573: I will make sure our side is actually LOSING before activating the 'scorched earth' option.
574: I will not slip a strip-tease bump-and-grind score to Minmei's band just before the big concert.
575: I will not sign Captain Grant's leg cast 'To the fatso' where he can't see it.
575a: Nor where he CAN see it.

And 572????

GaredBattlespike wrote:Greetings!

576) Using a full-sized Meltran's "Upper Body Support" as a trampoline, in public, was perhaps a poor choice.
576a) On the other hand, since I took the beatings so well, she and I are now dating.
577) Dating a Meltrani isn't bad if she sits in your lap AFTER Micronizing!!! (Ow! Ow! Ow!)
578) Dating a Full-Sized Meltrani isn't all bad: She can CARRY my broken down car to the mechanic, then we go shopping...
579) Never marry a Meltrani who WILL NOT Micronize!!! Trust me!!!
580) Accepting a date from Nova Satori is like volunteering for mutilation/torture...Cuz she will!!!
581) Minmae is a Cylon.
582) Lisa is really Sara Conner.
583) Rick Hunter made the wrong choice: Shoulda married Claudia. Better looking and more class.
584) I will not use Nova Satori's underwear as a flag again; It took all day to De-Con the flagpole...
585) I will not use the missile launchers as a "trysting" spot ever again-especially not during an alert! The MP's will NOT be amused.

taalismn wrote:586: I will NOT Itano Circus all my missiles on a single target if he has wingmates/backup
587: (Regis)Polka dot camouflage schemes on Invid are NOT a sign of evolution, no matter how much I might like the look.
588:(Regent) No matter how much I drink, it ISN'T going to make the Regis look any better.
589:(Regent) Next time, pick a co-conspirator who doesn't laugh out loud maniacally
590: (T.R. Edwards) Next time see a speech therapist about that tendency to laugh out loud maniacally

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:15 am

595:the person or persons, who told the zentraedi that they could play Shirly Temple songs on their radios.during combat and drills.Will be found, tried and shot by order of admiral Hays.
596:Placing a bucket of cold water and a bucket of warm water by Dr.Lang's bed side,While funny is a bad idea.
597:I will not call Field Marshal Leanord ol' Baldy.
598:I will not teach full sized Zentraedi how to river dance.
599:If you are going to break-up with or divorce a full sized Zentraedi please let command know. So we can send destroids to protect you or to give us a chance to id your body.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Mar 21, 2011 7:24 pm

600: Field Marshal Leonard's HQ callsign is not 'Bald Mountain'
601: I will not boobytrap the alien corpse Doctor Cochrane is going to autopsy with springloaded snakes or a springloaded 'chestbuster' doll.
602: I will not fiddle with the timers on the Nuetron S missiles; 'spring forward, fall back' does NOT apply to THOSE clocks.
603: I will not pimp out my Destroid with fur or suede interiors, or welded chain control throttles
604: I will not try to persuade Meltraedi recruits that our mecha have 'critical heat buildup' and that to remain more combat-efficient in the increased heat they have to strip down as much as possible to pilot.
605: I will not give my kid the keys to the Silverback for anything short of an all-out planetary invasion-in-progress.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:18 pm

606: Using power armor to deliver 'turbo-wedgies' is only effective as long as the victims don't know who's inside the power armor
607: I am not to ask if I can plug the squadron coffee machine into Janice Em
608: (Haydonite) I will see about getting rid of the BIG RED AIMING POINT in the middle of our HEADS!
609:(Security Guards; any) If escorting a beautiful female prisoner to detention/torture/execution, I will be prepared at a moment's notice, to dive behind her and use her as a human shield; whether it's an assassination attempt(in which case the assassin will first wipe out security before gloating over their REAL target) or a rescue attempt(in which the security guards will fall like bowling pins in front of a wrecking ball), the prisoner is the one who's going to not have a single hair on her head harmed.
610: I will not challenge the big bad bandit leader to a race just to prove I'm braver than him; I will instead let him get ahead of me and shoot him in the back to prove how much BADDER than him I am.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:48 pm

Rhomphaia wrote:591) I will not offer deactivated missiles as "an explosive good time" to lonely full-sized meltran...
592) I will not use my battleoid to teach full-sized zentraedi how to play "cornhole".
592a) Especially not with officers' personal vehicles and shelled-out buildings.
593) Perhaps introducing the concept of Redneck Olympics to full sized zentraedi was a bad idea.
593a) The Highland Games were even worse...
594) No matter how bad Minmei fans are, zentraedi Shirley Temple fans are just horrifying...

batlchip wrote:595:the person or persons, who told the zentraedi that they could play Shirly Temple songs on their radios.during combat and drills.Will be found, tried and shot by order of admiral Hays.
596:Placing a bucket of cold water and a bucket of warm water by Dr.Lang's bed side,While funny is a bad idea.
597:I will not call Field Marshal Leanord ol' Baldy.
598:I will not teach full sized Zentraedi how to river dance.
599:If you are going to break-up with or divorce a full sized Zentraedi please let command know. So we can send destroids to protect you or to give us a chance to id your body.

taalismn wrote:600: Field Marshal Leonard's HQ callsign is not 'Bald Mountain'
601: I will not boobytrap the alien corpse Doctor Cochrane is going to autopsy with springloaded snakes or a springloaded 'chestbuster' doll.
602: I will not fiddle with the timers on the Nuetron S missiles; 'spring forward, fall back' does NOT apply to THOSE clocks.
603: I will not pimp out my Destroid with fur or suede interiors, or welded chain control throttles
604: I will not try to persuade Meltraedi recruits that our mecha have 'critical heat buildup' and that to remain more combat-efficient in the increased heat they have to strip down as much as possible to pilot.
605: I will not give my kid the keys to the Silverback for anything short of an all-out planetary invasion-in-progress.

Rhomphaia wrote:
taalismn wrote:605: I will not give my kid the keys to the Silverback for anything short of an all-out planetary invasion-in-progress.

605a) Nor will I encourage my kid to start such an invasion.

taalismn wrote:606: Using power armor to deliver 'turbo-wedgies' is only effective as long as the victims don't know who's inside the power armor
607: I am not to ask if I can plug the squadron coffee machine into Janice Em
608: (Haydonite) I will see about getting rid of the BIG RED AIMING POINT in the middle of our HEADS!
609:(Security Guards; any) If escorting a beautiful female prisoner to detention/torture/execution, I will be prepared at a moment's notice, to dive behind her and use her as a human shield; whether it's an assassination attempt(in which case the assassin will first wipe out security before gloating over their REAL target) or a rescue attempt(in which the security guards will fall like bowling pins in front of a wrecking ball), the prisoner is the one who's going to not have a single hair on her head harmed.
610: I will not challenge the big bad bandit leader to a race just to prove I'm braver than him; I will instead let him get ahead of me and shoot him in the back to prove how much BADDER than him I am.

GaredBattlespike · Wed Mar 23, 2011 1:22 am

Greetings!

611) As a Zentradi Warrior, I will NOT use my height to look into apartment buildings to "check out" Dana Sterling...Or Nova Satori. It"s just not worth it!
612) Selling my CO's sleeping bag as a barf bag to a Zent was a poor decision...
613) I will not use my laser pistol (on ANY setting) as a "hair removal service" for Full-Sized Meltrani.
614) I will not try to convince Meltran Warriors to wear skirts!
615) As a Meltran Warrior, I will not date Human Males without having a long talk with a few Human Females that I can trust!

Good Gaming, GaredBattlespike

Arnie100 · Unread post by **Arnie100** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:28 am

616: ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CANCEL A DATE WITH A MELTRANDI OR PRAXIAN!
617: If you do, don't call for help! Because we won't come (safer for the rest of us)!
618: Do NOT drink Cpt. Gloval's "special" coffee!
619: IF you drank the coffee, we WARNED you!
620: Do not tell Minmei she has talent! She might try to sing!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 2:41 pm

621: Whoever gave Minmei lessons in how to operate an M60 machine gun, please report for psych eval.
622: We do not vote on "Macross Idol" with hand grenades
623: Vacuuming the ship by opening the air locks is a no-no.
624: You may NOT request to carry cyanide suicide capsules for the formal reception. Suck it up, soldier, they're not THAT boring!
625: Marcus Rush getting 'sparkly' was NOT a legitimate reason for trying to run him through the heart with a wooden stake.
625a: Nor any Invid, for that matter. ESPECIALLY Invid.

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:09 pm

626:(Meltrandi)Kicking males in the groin is not to be used as a greeting.
627:Teaching the mistres of the cosmic harp to play Metallica's "Battery" is forbidden.
628:GMP robots are not to be used as lawn darts by full sized zentraedi.
629:Full size zentraedi are not to go MAC II tipping at night.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:16 pm

GaredBattlespike wrote:Greetings!

611) As a Zentradi Warrior, I will NOT use my height to look into apartment buildings to "check out" Dana Sterling...Or Nova Satori. It"s just not worth it!
612) Selling my CO's sleeping bag as a barf bag to a Zent was a poor decision...
613) I will not use my laser pistol (on ANY setting) as a "hair removal service" for Full-Sized Meltrani.
614) I will not try to convince Meltran Warriors to wear skirts!
615) As a Meltran Warrior, I will not date Human Males without having a long talk with a few Human Females that I can trust!

Good Gaming, GaredBattlespike

Arnie100 wrote:616: ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CANCEL A DATE WITH A MELTRANDI OR PRAXIAN!
617: If you do, don't call for help! Because we won't come (safer for the rest of us)!
618: Do NOT drink Cpt. Gloval's "special" coffee!
619: IF you drank the coffee, we WARNED you!
620: Do not tell Minmei she has talent! She might try to sing!

taalismn wrote:621: Whoever gave Minmei lessons in how to operate an M60 machine gun, please report for psych eval.
622: We do not vote on "Macross Idol" with hand grenades
623: Vacuuming the ship by opening the air locks is a no-no.
624: You may NOT request to carry cyanide suicide capsules for the formal reception. Suck it up, soldier, they're not THAT boring!
625: Marcus Rush getting 'sparkly' was NOT a legitimate reason for trying to run him through the heart with a wooden stake.
625a: Nor any Invid, for that matter. ESPECIALLY Invid.

batlchip wrote:626:(Meltrandi)Kicking males in the groin is not to be used as a greeting.
627:Teaching the mistres of the cosmic harp to play Metallica's "Battery" is forbidden.
628:GMP robots are not to be used as lawn darts by full sized zentraedi.
629:Full size zentraedi are not to go MAC II tipping at night.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:33 pm

630: No playing DOOM on the bridge main screens; we have enough problems with IDing friend or foe without adding DEMONS to the headache.
631: Max Sterling would like a word with whoever gave Miriya a set of furry handcuffs as a wedding gift.
632: Quit singing the 'Lumberjack Song' every time the Forest Troopers go by; it just annoys them.
633: Don't discount the ability of the Zentraedi to learn and use our own tactics against us; we use the Minmei Attack to paralyze and distract them, the next thing we know, there's a Meltraedi doing a striptease in front of our forces. We lost an entire squad that way.....
634: Armor-piercing pistol ammo is NOT to be used as can openers.
635: Quit giving the mess cooks a hard time by calling in a biological weapons attack every time they serve chipped beef...

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Thu Mar 24, 2011 2:17 pm

taalismn wrote:630: No playing DOOM on the bridge main screens; we have enough problems with IDing friend or foe without adding DEMONS to the headache.
631: Max Sterling would like a word with whoever gave Miriya a set of furry handcuffs as a wedding gift.
632: Quit singing the 'Lumberjack Song' every time the Forest Troopers go by; it just annoys them.
633: Don't discount the ability of the Zentraedi to learn and use our own tactics against us; we use the Minmei Attack to paralyze and distract them, the next thing we know, there's a Meltraedi doing a striptease in front of our forces. We lost an entire squad that way.....
634: Armor-piercing pistol ammo is NOT to be used as can openers.
635: Quit giving the mess cooks a hard time by calling in a biological weapons attack every time they serve chipped beef...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 24, 2011 3:10 pm

636: Next time try being a little more discrete about enrolling Johnathon Wolffe in Alcoholics Anonymous.
637: Karbarreans do not like GummiBears, especially smeared in their fur.
638: Fly strips do not work on keeping away Invid
639: When Mister Pin is not safely cozied up next to Missus Cobalt Grenade she is not your friend.
640: Quit pouring sand down Desert Troopers' necks to make them 'feel at home."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:09 pm

taalismn wrote:636: Next time try being a little more discrete about enrolling Johnathon Wolffe in Alcoholics Anonymous.
637: Karbarreans do not like GummiBears, especially smeared in their fur.
638: Fly strips do not work on keeping away Invid
639: When Mister Pin is not safely cozied up next to Missus Cobalt Grenade she is not your friend.
640: Quit pouring sand down Desert Troopers' necks to make them 'feel at home."

batlchip · Unread post by **batlchip** » Sat Mar 26, 2011 12:09 am

641:I will not put super glue on all the chairs in the bridge.
642:Droping Jungle Squad units in the middle of the artic is not funny.
643:Putting a giant magnetic strip above Breetai's door and sounding general quarters is a no-no.
644:I will not put green Dye in the women's shower heads.
645:Karbarreans do not like being called pooh bears.
646:Never sit Praxians next to female Zentreadi at sporting events.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Mar 26, 2011 7:24 pm

batlchip wrote:641:I will not put super glue on all the chairs in the bridge.
642:Droping Jungle Squad units in the middle of the artic is not funny.
643:Putting a giant magnetic strip above Breetai's door and sounding general quarters is a no-no.
644:I will not put green Dye in the women's shower heads.
645:Karbarreans do not like being called pooh bears.
646:Never sit Praxians next to female Zentreadi at sporting events.

Rhomphaia wrote:You forgot a bit.
643:Putting a giant magnetic strip above Breetai's door and sounding general quarters is a no-no.

643a: No matter how funny it is, and no matter how much he deserves it, security, maintenance and medical divisions do not deserve the results of doing this to T.R. Edwards' quarters.

Rhomphaia wrote:(Some of these are obvious and may have been posted before, so forgive me if they have)

647: You must remember that newly integrated zentraedi are typically very sensitive about their position. Any "X-Men" material, particularly that which includes anti-mutant sentiments, are not to be included in any orientation materials.
647a: The unacceptability is compounded by getting your platoon together and staging an anti-mutant protest outside the assimilation barracks. This is not funny in any stretch of the word.
648: The next time someone decides to show full-sized zentraedi any "Man vs Wild" tapes will be forced to decontaminate the water cisterns before being shot. Many new zentraedi are well-intentioned, which is dangerous when combined claiming entertainment shows are fact.
649: "Chroming" your mecha is not acceptable, especially when operating on worlds with three suns...
649a: Similarly, your mecha has enough hydraulics, more are not necessary.
649b: Finally, spinners are not an acceptable "passive defense" option. They distract friendlies as much as they do the enemy...particularly Praxians.
650: Garudans do not have any greater-than-normal attraction to balls of yarn.
650a: Nor catnip.
651: Similar to the above, getting a hunting beagle for a garudan as a gift is not an "ironic joke". Nor is dressing up in traditional english fox-hunting outfit to present said gift.
651a: Nor is getting them a grooming kit. This goes for karberrans as well.
652: Sending the latest gossip about Dana Sterling to the SDF-03 is not only a waste of valuable interstellar communications bandwidth, but possible suicide as well. Remember who her parents are. They may decide to incinerate the messenger, with missiles.
653: And for the last time, stop telling new zentraedi males what a circumcision is and that it is mandatory. Not only has this ancient practice fallen out of favor, but the last time someone did this, it was to a full-sized zentraedi who was very into "body purity". You have been warned.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:08 pm

654: Incorporating a chastity belt into Dana Sterling's armor was NOT cool...
655: Fitting the Civil Defense Flyng Corps' jet packs with model airplane remote control was NOT cool either...
656: Giving Sean Philips a sex change operation after his friday night bar crawl was funny, but still not cool...
657: Take the giant cat's whiskers off the Logan....
658: Return your library books before you leave on the SDF-3. Don't make us come after you....
659: I will not switch out Doctor Grant's sedative hypodermics with stimulants when she isn't looking...
660: I will not replace the Triton Power Armor's CCWS with oversized, but unpowered, Swiss Army Knives

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:44 pm

taalismn wrote:654: Incorporating a chastity belt into Dana Sterling's armor was NOT cool...
655: Fitting the Civil Defense Flyng Corps' jet packs with model airplane remote control was NOT cool either...
656: Giving Sean Philips a sex change operation after his friday night bar crawl was funny, but still not cool...
657: Take the giant cat's whiskers off the Logan....
658: Return your library books before you leave on the SDF-3. Don't make us come after you....
659: I will not switch out Doctor Grant's sedative hypodermics with stimulants when she isn't looking...
660: I will not replace the Triton Power Armor's CCWS with oversized, but unpowered, Swiss Army Knives

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:12 pm

661: I will not paint a giant bullseye on the Catseye Recon's radome
661a: Nor a pizza...
661b: Nor 'Wham-O Frisbee'
661c: Nor a giant yellow and black smiley face
662: I will not transmit Barry White over my Veritech radio in an attempt to seduce that Bridge Bunny I'm sweet on.
663: I will not play 'Grenade Hot Potato' or 'Where's Mister Safety Pin?'
664: I will not teach newly micronized Zentraedi that in the game of (American) basketball, the losing team gets sacrified to the gods..
664a: ...Unless it's just before the big game with that bastard from Manhatten, in which case a little extra motivation for my team is in order.
665: I will also not tell newly micronized Zentraedi that in American Football, the winning team gets to pick a cheerleader as part of their prize.

GaredBattlespike · Mon Mar 28, 2011 7:58 pm

Greetings!

666) I WILL tell the Cheerleaders that the winning team gets their pick: maybe the Cheerleaders will show some REAL spirit !!!

666a) Of course if these WERE the rules, I would get off my duff and PLAY me some Football (Zent Rules)!

667) I will not offer my (pretty-but-witchy) Ex-wife as a bribe to get Full-Sized Zents to join our side; They might hate us for it!

668) I will not modify my Mecha's hand to act as a 'Joy-Buzzer' when I greet Full-Sized Zents!

668a) And NEVER EVER EVER with Full-Sized Meltran Ladies!!!!

669) It may have been a bad idea to register Nova Satori with the Zent/Human Good & Docile Housewife Dating Service...She's still hunting me!

670) I will not switch door signs between the Officer's Club and the Ladies Restroom...After all I might accidentally leave fingerprints!

Good Gaming, GaredBattlespike

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:13 pm

671: I will remember to carry my brass knuckles with me in the event I ever devehicle aboard the enemy flagship; not all alien guards have glass jaws.
672: Crossbreeding heroin poppies and Flower of Life...I will not do it.
672a: Nor will I try to interest any scientist friends in doing so as an intellectual challenge.
673: Before Spacefolding or combat maneuvers, I will remember to secure the cover on the SDF swimming pool.
674: I will not tell the Zentraedi recruits to go Easter Egg hunting in the base minefield
674a: Nor will I paint said mines like Easter Eggs beforehand.
675: I will never again ask a drunken Doctor Lang why he went into science in the first place...by the time he got to the 'Prague Incident' I was ready to eat my own service automatic.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:54 pm

taalismn wrote:661: I will not paint a giant bullseye on the Catseye Recon's radome
661a: Nor a pizza...
661b: Nor 'Wham-O Frisbee'
661c: Nor a giant yellow and black smiley face
662: I will not transmit Barry White over my Veritech radio in an attempt to seduce that Bridge Bunny I'm sweet on.
663: I will not play 'Grenade Hot Potato' or 'Where's Mister Safety Pin?'
664: I will not teach newly micronized Zentraedi that in the game of (American) basketball, the losing team gets sacrified to the gods..
664a: ...Unless it's just before the big game with that bastard from Manhatten, in which case a little extra motivation for my team is in order.
665: I will also not tell newly micronized Zentraedi that in American Football, the winning team gets to pick a cheerleader as part of their prize.

GaredBattlespike wrote:Greetings!

666) I WILL tell the Cheerleaders that the winning team gets their pick: maybe the Cheerleaders will show some REAL spirit !!!

666a) Of course if these WERE the rules, I would get off my duff and PLAY me some Football (Zent Rules)!

667) I will not offer my (pretty-but-witchy) Ex-wife as a bribe to get Full-Sized Zents to join our side; They might hate us for it!

668) I will not modify my Mecha's hand to act as a 'Joy-Buzzer' when I greet Full-Sized Zents!

668a) And NEVER EVER EVER with Full-Sized Meltran Ladies!!!!

669) It may have been a bad idea to register Nova Satori with the Zent/Human Good & Docile Housewife Dating Service...She's still hunting me!

670) I will not switch door signs between the Officer's Club and the Ladies Restroom...After all I might accidentally leave fingerprints!

Good Gaming, GaredBattlespike

taalismn wrote:671: I will remember to carry my brass knuckles with me in the event I ever devehicle aboard the enemy flagship; not all alien guards have glass jaws.
672: Crossbreeding heroin poppies and Flower of Life...I will not do it.
672a: Nor will I try to interest any scientist friends in doing so as an intellectual challenge.
673: Before Spacefolding or combat maneuvers, I will remember to secure the cover on the SDF swimming pool.
674: I will not tell the Zentraedi recruits to go Easter Egg hunting in the base minefield
674a: Nor will I paint said mines like Easter Eggs beforehand.
675: I will never again ask a drunken Doctor Lang why he went into science in the first place...by the time he got to the 'Prague Incident' I was ready to eat my own service automatic.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:51 pm

676: I will not offer to sell Minmei to the highest bidder
677: I will not offer to sell Lisa Hayes to the highest bidder
678: I will not offer to sell Rick Hunter to the highest bidder
679: I will tell no one else, under pain of death, what I found in Lisa Hayes' mail.
680: I will not shave Yellow Dancer's head while he's asleep.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:15 pm

taalismn wrote:676: I will not offer to sell Minmei to the highest bidder
677: I will not offer to sell Lisa Hayes to the highest bidder
678: I will not offer to sell Rick Hunter to the highest bidder
679: I will tell no one else, under pain of death, what I found in Lisa Hayes' mail.
680: I will not shave Yellow Dancer's head while he's asleep.

GaredBattlespike · Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:24 am

Greetings!

681) I will not try to sell Yellow Dancers undergarments to the highest bidder, after all, Yellow Dancer's friends are ace Cyclone Pilots!!!
682) I will not try to sell special edition magazines withthe Regiss as the Centerfold! It wouldn't be the Invid that try to lynch me!
683) Selling nude pics of Ariel to the highest bidder isn't a bad idea...I just should have remembered to wait until Scott Bernard is out of earshot first!
684) Selling dud mini-missiles as earplugs to the Regent is actually a good deal. I get money. He fnally gets to sleep though the Regis' Mega-Damage snoring!
685) Sneaking some of Yellow Dancer's naughty underwear into Lunk's backpack wass a hilarious joke, until I saw him sneek off with it. I do NOT want to know...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:31 pm

684a:If only you'd sold LIVE mini-missiles to the Invid Regent as ear plugs, we'd all have been spared a lot of trouble.

686: I don't care if 'Hello Kitty' is the main sponsor of the SDF-3, hot pink is NOT appropriate for SuperDimensional Fortress hull colors.
687: We're not selling hull advertizing space on the rest of the fleet either.
688: Quit spreading Field Marshal Leonard's private phone number as a free sex line
689: Emil Lang is German, not from Brooklyn; quit making fun of his accent. Mad Scientists are SUPPOSED to have a few quirks.
690: The betting pool as to whether Louie Nichols dies in rough sex from excessive vibration, electrocution, irradiation, or having his testicles ripped off by extreme suction, ends NOW.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 10:10 pm

GaredBattlespike wrote:Greetings!

681) I will not try to sell Yellow Dancers undergarments to the highest bidder, after all, Yellow Dancer's friends are ace Cyclone Pilots!!!
682) I will not try to sell special edition magazines withthe Regiss as the Centerfold! It wouldn't be the Invid that try to lynch me!
683) Selling nude pics of Ariel to the highest bidder isn't a bad idea...I just should have remembered to wait until Scott Bernard is out of earshot first!
684) Selling dud mini-missiles as earplugs to the Regent is actually a good deal. I get money. He fnally gets to sleep though the Regis' Mega-Damage snoring!
685) Sneaking some of Yellow Dancer's naughty underwear into Lunk's backpack wass a hilarious joke, until I saw him sneek off with it. I do NOT want to know...

taalismn wrote:684a:If only you'd sold LIVE mini-missiles to the Invid Regent as ear plugs, we'd all have been spared a lot of trouble.

686: I don't care if 'Hello Kitty' is the main sponsor of the SDF-3, hot pink is NOT appropriate for SuperDimensional Fortress hull colors.
687: We're not selling hull advertizing space on the rest of the fleet either.
688: Quit spreading Field Marshal Leonard's private phone number as a free sex line
689: Emil Lang is German, not from Brooklyn; quit making fun of his accent. Mad Scientists are SUPPOSED to have a few quirks.
690: The betting pool as to whether Louie Nichols dies in rough sex from excessive vibration, electrocution, irradiation, or having his testicles ripped off by extreme suction, ends NOW.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:25 pm

691: April Fools' pranks are not supposed to involve armed Neutron-S weaponry
692: 'Harmony Gold' is not the street name of crossbred Flower of Life/cannibis
693: No strafing the parking lot at Harmony Gold in your Alpha either; we're ALL a little anxious about new books, but that ain't helping things...
694: Next time we capture outsiders, we tell'em the 'Satellite Television God' is upset, and get them to fix it for us...or else...It worked with the 'River God' schtick after all...
695: If a female Zentraedi asks if a dress makes her look fat, you are given full, unconditional permission to lie through your teeth...so you can still have them...