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Toc Rat wrote:THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

Yeah now its your job to keep that dialog coming!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



now toc you gotta supply the moreness of the comparrisons.

I dunno if this has already been done.

Toc Rat wrote:Elfinster: You can’t win this war you know, our magic is far superior to your technology.
Lt. Patterson: Really? Name 20 things you can do we cant…and better.
Elfinster: With my magic I can run at superhuman speeds!
Lt. Patterson: Oh really? Just how fast is superhuman?
Elfinster: I can run at 30 MPH without tiring for 5 minutes!
Lt. Patterson: 30 miles per hour huh? Private McRunfast! Front and center!
Private McRunfast: Sir!
Lt. Patterson: Private, how fast was your last PT test?
Private McRunfast: Sir I was clocked at 66 MPH sir!
Elfinster: Wait! That’s not fair, that man is a Juicer!
Lt. Patterson: What’s your point? It’s just technology right?

Elfinster: No, it's that a juicer has gone to suicidal lengths to attain this ability, while I merely learnt a spell and have a nap to recover what I loose in casting it. Permit me to break the third wall for a moment, but are we talking more powerful in terms of what an individual had to give up for their power, or more powerful in what a player can choose from the get go?

Noon wrote:I dunno if this has already been done.

Toc Rat wrote:Elfinster: You can’t win this war you know, our magic is far superior to your technology.
Lt. Patterson: Really? Name 20 things you can do we cant…and better.
Elfinster: With my magic I can run at superhuman speeds!
Lt. Patterson: Oh really? Just how fast is superhuman?
Elfinster: I can run at 30 MPH without tiring for 5 minutes!
Lt. Patterson: 30 miles per hour huh? Private McRunfast! Front and center!
Private McRunfast: Sir!
Lt. Patterson: Private, how fast was your last PT test?
Private McRunfast: Sir I was clocked at 66 MPH sir!
Elfinster: Wait! That’s not fair, that man is a Juicer!
Lt. Patterson: What’s your point? It’s just technology right?

Elfinster: No, it's that a juicer has gone to suicidal lengths to attain this ability, while I merely learnt a spell and have a nap to recover what I loose in casting it. Permit me to break the third wall for a moment, but are we talking more powerful in terms of what an individual had to give up for their power, or more powerful in what a player can choose from the get go?

More powerful in terms of results.

it all depends on the amount of magic one spends vs the technology one spent..
a Character under Super Adrenaline Rush, Fleet feet, Speed Doubler will be beating the tar out of any Juicer.

and ritual Magics are far more powerful too..

I will have the next chapter posted either tonight or sunday, already started working in it

Congrats Toc!

Blight wrote:Congrats Toc!

Thanks!

Concerning matters of style…

Dangolf: There’s going to be a lot of soldiers involved in this upcoming war right?
Pvt. Snuffy: Yah?
Dangolf: And soldiers, all soldiers have certain needs right?
Pvt. Snuffy: Yah?...Yah! Needs like (holds up canteen with absinth)
Dangolf: So I’m thinking there’s a lot of money to be made by anyone that can provide those things to soldiers on both sides.
Pvt. Snuffy: I find myself liking your thinking more and more. Hmm, know what else?
Dangolf: What?
Pvt. Snuffy: Well I ETS in another year.
Dangolf: ETS? *confused look*
Pvt. Snuffy: Sorry, Exit The Service, you know, when I get out?
Dangolf: Oh, gotcha, and?
Pvt. Snuffy: I was just thinking that if you ETS around the same time we could open up a little place dedicated to providing those needs to our fellow soldiers…for the right price of course. *grins*
Dangolf: It just happens I do um ETS about that time.
Pvt. Snuffy: Perfect and I just so happen to know the perfect place to open our little business venture…

While their subordinates discuss their newest plan for relieving soldier’s unneeded credits, Lt. Patterson and Elfinster are about to call it a night…

Lt. Patterson: Look, I don’t think we are going to finish this tonight. It’s already past oh dark thirty, what say we call it a night and start again at zero nine?
Elfinster: Zero nine? You mean nine AM normal time right? *smirk*
Lt. Patterson: Funny…not as funny as you in that gas mask you ley-line walkers are always wearing though.
Elfinster: And just what’s wrong with that?
Lt. Patterson: Come on Finster, (takes deep breath and lets it out) this isn’t the burbs. I mean you can’t get much cleaner air then here in the middle of an open field.
Elfinster: I’m not wearing it to purify the air, I’ll have you know this is high fashion amongst ley-line walkers.
Lt. Patterson: High fashion? Ok, the aviator stuff the techno-wizards wear is old school but at least it was once in style. What’s with the gas masks?
Elfinster: Hey! At least we don’t look like poster children for Nazi GQ magazine!
Lt. Patterson: Nazis? They some kind of D-bee or something?
Elfinster: *stunned look* No, Earth, Hitler, 1938…ring a bell?
Lt. Patterson: Nope.
Elfinster: Your Emperor wrote a paper on how much he admired their genocidal policies towards everyone they considered to be sub-human! You’re uniforms look just like the ones they use to wear and you’re telling me you don’t know who the Nazis were?
Lt. Patterson: Never heard of them before but it sounds like they not only had the right idea but knew how to dress sharp too. No wonder the Emperor liked them.
Elfinster: Argh! I give up, I’m going to bed. See you at nine AM tomorrow.
Lt. Patterson: You mean zero nine, right? *grins*
Elfinster: (continues to walk away) Yah whatever…
Lt. Patterson: God I love doing that to him.

John Kronus wrote:

Toc Rat wrote:Elfinster: I’m not wearing it to purify the air, I’ll have you know this is high fashion amongst ley-line walkers.
Lt. Patterson: High fashion? Ok, the aviator stuff the techno-wizards wear is old school but at least it was once in style. What’s with the gas masks?
Elfinster: Hey! At least we don’t look like poster children for Nazi GQ magazine!

Bravo !! Keep up the good work... this episode def. got me laughing !!

You're Welcome!

LuckyJim wrote:Great stuff Toc!!!

Highlight of my morning, seeing that I've made some people laugh

On a good/bad note I just started BNCOC phase I today and so will not be having much time to write anything but official army stuff for a bit. So good that I will be making E-6 soon but bad that I won't be writting more chapters /

great simply great

Larsen wrote::lol: great simply great

Glad you liked it

BNCOC is a snap you'll do fine I'll miss reading more of your stuff.
good luck

Blight wrote:BNCOC is a snap you'll do fine I'll miss reading more of your stuff.
good luck

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

If I get the chance I will write another chapter during the course. Who knows? It might even give me some ideas...

wow, really cool. glad you got stickie status.

Sir Blayse wrote:wow, really cool. glad you got stickie status.

Thanks Me too.

Toc Rat wrote:

Noon wrote:I dunno if this has already been done.

Toc Rat wrote:Elfinster: You can’t win this war you know, our magic is far superior to your technology.
Lt. Patterson: Really? Name 20 things you can do we cant…and better.
Elfinster: With my magic I can run at superhuman speeds!
Lt. Patterson: Oh really? Just how fast is superhuman?
Elfinster: I can run at 30 MPH without tiring for 5 minutes!
Lt. Patterson: 30 miles per hour huh? Private McRunfast! Front and center!
Private McRunfast: Sir!
Lt. Patterson: Private, how fast was your last PT test?
Private McRunfast: Sir I was clocked at 66 MPH sir!
Elfinster: Wait! That’s not fair, that man is a Juicer!
Lt. Patterson: What’s your point? It’s just technology right?

Elfinster: No, it's that a juicer has gone to suicidal lengths to attain this ability, while I merely learnt a spell and have a nap to recover what I loose in casting it. Permit me to break the third wall for a moment, but are we talking more powerful in terms of what an individual had to give up for their power, or more powerful in what a player can choose from the get go?

More powerful in terms of results.

Results are like cash flow. You subtract your loss from your profit. Now, the juicer is a drug addled near psycho on the road to hell. That's a big loss for the character, but not a loss for the player.

Results for who? Player or PC?

Janissary wrote:Results in direct comparison. 60 MPH is faster then 30 MPH.

SO the answer I think you are looking for is player not PC

The conversations is in character though, with the mage being embarresed several times.

Unless that's the actual joke...neither character say it, but they are both talking about which is the best power for those gods, the players, to play with. Sort of KOTDT humour.

But I'm guessing it wasn't intended that way and the other joke, the mage being embarressed about the differing results, doesn't really work at a purely in character level.

Hurray! First week of BNCOC is over and half way thru the second. Just a few more days to go till I can get more then 4 hours of sleep a night.

For all those who are waiting look for a new chapter in our on going series Friday.

dracolych wrote:Hear, hear!

Thanks! Almost there, graduation is tomorrow. I know I passed but not sure if I will be an honor student. Guess I will find out tomorrow.

OK, back safely from my op. Hope to post new chapter soon.

Yah was sorry that it got bumped off of sticky status but I can understand. Sadly the Army doesn't take my creative writtings in to consideration when planning Op tempo or OP orders...

OK, here it is, the long delayed 7th chapter of our on going satire. I hope it pleases...

Chapter seven, where Elfinster shows the Lt. (and everyone else) the amazing transformation powers of magic…

Dangolf: *puts hand up* Hold on a sec, looks like the odd couple are finally calling it quits for the night.
Pvt. Snuffy: *turns to look* Huh, was wondering if they were ever gona get tired of going on and on.
Dangolf: Yah no kidding. See you in the morning then, I’m sure they’ll be at it again.
Pvt. Snuffy: No doubt…

The following morning at 9 AM or was it zero nine?

Lt. Patterson: My you’re looking cheerful today.
Elfinster: Why shouldn’t I look cheerful? This is the day that will once and for all prove our magic is superior to your technology.
Lt. Patterson: Right…*rolls eyes* so everything we shot down yesterday was just you warming up?
Elfinster: Mock me if you will but today with a little help from my apprentice you will see the power that is ours to command! *shouts over right shoulder* Dangolf! Come here! (minute goes by)
Lt. Patterson: Is he using one of those invisibility spells?
Elfinster: No, why?
Lt. Patterson: Because there is no one over there.
Elfinster: What? *looks behind him* He’s supposed to be right there waiting for any command I might give him.
Lt. Patterson: Having a little discipline problem are we? Sounds like another thing us poor technology users have over you, better disciplined troops. *grins*
Elfinster: This is just one isolated case and that’s beside the point, once I find him you’ll see the power I spoke of. Now where is he? *looks around clearing*

Meanwhile, on the Coalition side of the clearing, ley-line walker’s apprentice Dangolf and Pvt. Snuffy are continuing their talk from last night.

Pvt. Snuffy: Good morning my future business partner.
Dangolf: And a good morning to you too, I see our bosses are already at it.
Pvt. Snuffy: Yah and this was supposed to be a short patrol when we left the FOB.
Dangolf: FOB? What’s that? Never heard of that Coalition town…
Pvt. Snuffy: *chuckling* It’s not a town. It’s an acronym, stands for Forward Operating Base.
Dangolf: Gotcha, so about last night, you were… (Elfinster’s shout of Dangolf! is heard)
Oh nuts, got to run, the boss is calling.
Pvt. Snuffy: *snorts* Hey totally understand that man.
Dangolf: *takes off running towards Elfinster*
Elfinster: There you are! Just why were you over by those Coalition troops?
Dangolf: Well you see sir it was like this…
Elfinster: Never mind! I don’t want to listen to another one of your improbable excuses, just stand there and prepare yourself for a metamorphosis ritual.
Dangolf: Yes sir. *sigh*
Lt. Patterson: Ritual? Is this going to take long? You’re not going to sacrifice a goat or something are you?
Elfinster: What? Of course not! It will take no longer then 10 minutes to complete the ritual and no sacrifices will be made. *shakes head and turns to start casting*
(ten minutes later) There! Now behold our awesome power! Your precious technology can’t do this!
Lt. Patterson: Well yes, you got me there; I can’t turn my people with discipline problems in to wolves. I find that push-ups or a little front back go works just fine though.
Elfinster: Will you please stop with the discipline thing? You’re missing the point here. This is something your technology can’t do and that’s not all! Watch this! (begins casting spell)
Lt. Patterson: I’m breathless with anticipation.
Elfinster: (finishes Giant spell) There! Can your technology do that?
Lt. Patterson: Wow, you super-sized him.
Elfinster: And that’s not all! He is now a super natural as well.
Lt. Patterson: So that means?
Elfinster: He can cause mega-damage with his teeth and claws, bio-regenerates and can withstand mega-damage in turn! Your oh so mighty Skelebots are like chew toys to him now. *pleased smile*
Lt. Patterson: *whistles* Very nice, so if I were to shoot him with my C-27 he’d be ok? *holds up plasma cannon*
Elfinster: If you doubt me feel free to take a shot. You’ll see that not only will he live but the damage will quickly heal before your very eyes.
Dangolf: Um, sir? Is that really necessary? *looks nervously at large barrel pointing his way*
Elfinster: Silence! Maybe this will teach you to not to run off. Fire away Lt.
Lt. Patterson: With pleasure. *Takes aim at (censored) and pulls trigger*
Elfinster: Good shot and as you can see he is quickly healing from the burn. I believe that gives us two points?
Dangolf: *whimpering* ow, ow, ow, (Laughter can be heard coming from both sides of the clearing)
Lt. Patterson: *suppressing urge to laugh* you know I think I would give you the points just for having been given the chance to do that. Ok you get two points added. So how long will he be like that?
Elfinster: Giant sized? just a minute more. He will change back to human form in an hour and a half unless he wills the spell to end sooner.
Lt. Patterson: *Points towards clothes on ground* so will the magic cause his clothes to be back on when he changes?
Elfinster: Why don’t I have him change now so you can see? Dangolf! Change back to normal now.
Dangolf: But sir! Can’t I wait until I’m normal sized at least?
Elfinster: I said now apprentice!
Dangolf: Yes sir…(spell ends)
Lt. Patterson: *looks at Elfinster* Have you considered a career in the adult industry? If your Tolkeen job doesn't work out you could do well there I think...

*Dangolf is now standing in the clearing with both hand covering his (censored) until the giant spell wears off and he can once again clothe himself. Pvt. Snuffy can be seen rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically *
Elfinster: Thank you Dangolf, you may go now until I need you again.

To be continued…

Uh oh, no replies...maybe there just hasn't been enough time for people to read it...*crosses fingers*

LuckyJim wrote:first, congrats on gettin through...
I GOTTA stop reading these at work! too bloody funny mate!!! You wouldn't mind if I save these to a word document would you Toc?

Heck no! I'm flattered that you like it enough to do so.

Glad everyone liked this one, I wanted to put it out before I go back into the field again tomorrow so I was working till 1am my time on it.

Quester wrote:I thank all the Gods of the Mega-verse that I am not Dangolf.

lol, yah it can suck being an apprentice.

That will teach him to be a wizards apprentice.

Great stuff

Can not wait for chapter 8.

Nxla666 wrote::lol:

That will teach him to be a wizards apprentice.

Great stuff

Can not wait for chapter 8.

Thanks Nxla, I might be able to do the eigth tonight. If not I will get it out after I get back from the field. Heading out tomorrow sometime. This isn't going to be a helo insert though.

Sorry been away. great stuff.

Larsen wrote:Sorry been away. great stuff.

Thanks! I continue to be pleased (and amazed) that my writtings are bringing people some laughs. I will keep it up and do my best to keep the laughs coming!

It will not die, I won't allow it.

bump

Larsen wrote:It will not die, I won't allow it.

bump

Since I don't have words to describe what I am feeling....

OK I will heading in to one of our Iraqi town thingies at 1600 my time. I might get the 8th chapter posted before then though. If not it will only be a week max.

I have been wondering about something though. What do you all think is the possibility of getting the different chapters published in the Rifter? One per Rifter as a kind of on going Rifts version of Knights of the Dinner table? Is that something any of you would like to see in a Rifter?

Is that something any of you would like to see in a Rifter?

Hmm... maybe not as much as a room full of supermodels on X but, HELL YEAH!

CS has plenty of ways around Impervious to Energy. Psionics, neural weapons, rail guns, etc etc etc.

Arcanus wrote:I'd like to see the coalition beat Impervious to Energy

I thought that happened in one of the chapters already?

Thanks again for the support people. It's a constant source of happiness for me that you enjoy my writings. I'll keep it up and try not to disappoint

Gee this thread went to the second page quick in two days! I will be in from the field for a day tomorrow and hope to make a post then.

Toc Rat wrote:OK I will heading in to one of our Iraqi town thingies at 1600 my time. I might get the 8th chapter posted before then though. If not it will only be a week max.

I have been wondering about something though. What do you all think is the possibility of getting the different chapters published in the Rifter? One per Rifter as a kind of on going Rifts version of Knights of the Dinner table? Is that something any of you would like to see in a Rifter?

yep.

Kupo wrote:Nice...I'm quite enjoying this. Keep it up man!

Thank you This training rotation ends on Friday so I will have the time to sit down and write the 8th chapter then. I mostly have it in my head but haven't the time for more then short thank you posts like this.

bump.

guess what? bump3.

wonder am i the only one who doesn't want this to die?

Ah no, just dont see any reason to "bump" it unless there has been no activity on it.

LuckyJim wrote:nah, I think we're all just *patiently* waiting...

btw....BUMP!!!!

Thanks for keeping this thread alive gang I'm finally done with this rotation, well almost. We just got back in from the field and our officers in their great wisdom have decided now would be the perfect time for a change of command ceromony...lucky us...

Anyways once that is done and I am able to get a shower I will get to posting the next chapter.

Thanks again for your patience.

After many delays and one aborted change of command cermony later

Here is the eigth chapter. I've already started work on the next, hope to have it posted by thursday at the latest. I will also post the details of my company's meeting with Mr. Rumsfield, our Secratary of Defense.


Just what is Front, Back, Go?

Elfinster: Hold a moment Dangolf, *picks up small card from the ground* you seem to have forgotten something.
Dangolf: *slowly turns around, looks at card* Um, that’s not mine sir.
Elfinster: Really? I thought for sure it was with your clothes. *Flips card over sees Coalition Emblem*
Dangolf: Oh! That card! I can explain that.
Elfinster: Can you now? Will this be the same explanation you were going to give me for why you were talking to those Coalition troops?
Dangolf: *swallows* Yes sir, the very same! You see it was like this…

Ten minutes and a highly improbable story later…

Elfinster: Let me see if I got this right, you were worried about the Coalition troops possibly falling victim to the tricks of fairies you had heard might be in the area and so went to advise them on how to protect themselves? And as a thank you one of them gave you this card? *holds up card with CS emblem facing towards Dangolf*
Dangolf: Yes, that’s it exactly sir. In the spirit of the peaceful talks you are having I thought I would do my part to help things along.
Lt. Patterson: Excuse me Elfinster; I’d like to ask him a question.
Elfinster: What?
Lt. Patterson: I’d like to know which of my soldiers gave that to him.
Elfinster: Well Dangolf?
Dangolf: *swallows again, sweat can be seen forming on his forehead* Well sir, I don’t recall exactly which one. I mean they do all look alike in their Dead Boy armor.
Lt. Patterson: That’s ok; I think I know who this might have come from. *looks at the picture of Jane Jameson*
Dangolf: You do?
Lt. Patterson: *evil grin* Yes, the biggest fan of Miss Jameson in the entire company. *turns to shout* Pvt. Snuffy! Front and center!
Pvt. Snuffy: *comes running, centers himself, gives salute* Yes sir!
Lt. Patterson: Private did you give this card to that magic user?
Pvt. Snuffy: Yes sir.
Lt. Patterson: And just why was that private?
Pvt. Snuffy: Sir, it happened like this…

Ten minutes and a slightly different highly improbable story later…

Lt. Patterson: So this magic user went in to the woods to make a class two down load and got lost. He found the clearing again but came out of the woods on our side.
Pvt. Snuffy: Yes sir can’t expect a magic user to have much sense of direction.
Lt. Patterson: I see but that hasn’t explained the card yet.
Pvt. Snuffy: I was just getting to that sir. I gave him the card in the spirit of the peaceful talks you are having.
Lt. Patterson: Uh huh.
Elfinster: Excuse me but what is a “class two down load”?
Lt. Patterson: You know, going number two? What you mages don’t take a (censored) from time to time?
Elfinster: *rolls eyes* Of course we do, we just call it what normal people do instead of some over long military term.
Pvt. Snuffy: Sir? Am I dismissed now?
Lt. Patterson: Not just yet private. It would seem we have two different stories, yours and his. *points to Dangolf*
Elfinster: *chuckling* Now who has the discipline problem?
Lt. Patterson: Pvt. Snuffy here is just in need of some corrective training.
Elfinster: Ah, would that be the “front, back, go” thing you mentioned before?
Lt. Patterson: *smiles* It would indeed, observe. Front!
Pvt. Snuffy: *drops instantly in to front leaning rest, begins rapidly knocking out push-ups*
Lt. Patterson: Back!
Pvt. Snuffy: *flips over on to his back and begins to quickly do sit-ups*
Lt. Patterson: Gooooo!
Pvt. Snuffy: *leaps to his feet, beings running in place*
Elfinster: Oh, that does look like it could solve a few discipline problems. May I try?
Lt. Patterson: By all means. *steps a pace back*
Elfinster: Front!....Back!....Goooo!
Lt. Patterson: Don’t just call them in order, it’s more fun if you mix it up a little.
Elfinster: You can do that? This should be very fun…

Five minutes and a very tired Pvt. Snuffy later…

Lt. Patterson: Position of Attention, Move!
Pvt. Snuffy: *panting heavily*
Lt. Patterson: You may go now private. *turns to Elfinster* So where were we?

To be continued…

YAY, a new chapter!

pvt snuffy better watch who he gives those cards to.

LuckyJim wrote::lol: Excellent stuff Toc!!! (copied, pasted & saved)

Thanks!

Rule number 1: Do not leave evidence of consorting with the enemy.
Rule number 2: see above.
Rule number 3: When consorting with the enemy get your stories straight.