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SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:
Bartender: "You're a mean drunk. Mister Leonard."
Leonard: "Not nearly mean OR drunk enough! Gimme another of those 'Depth Charge' thingies."

Haydonite: <<NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!>>
Grel: "What's with him?"
Leonard: (Shrugs) "Fella can't hold his liquor..."

This has absolutely nothing to do with the Invid Malar holding him down while another stuffs a hose from a tanker truck just outside, stenciled "FUEL METHANOL" into the Haydonite's access ports.
Or the third Invid standing nearby holding a Zippo lighter and working its flint.
Nossireee...

Sera: (Taking the lighter) "Give me that! You need fingers to use one of these." (Lighting the fumes) "Now everyone leap with your arms spread out." (Teleports away as the bar explodes)

taalismn wrote:Sera: "And THAT is why we call it a 'Haydonite Cocktail'!"
Bartender: "You know, that's coming out of your tab."
Leonard: "That's like, what, the eighth time you're rebuilding the bar?"
Grel: "Ninth. There was Lord Breetai's brawl with Lord Reno last month."
Leonard: "Oh right! Took out the entire city block, right?"
Grel: "NEVER insult Lord Breetai's woman. NEVER."
Bartender: "Gloval's worse. Insult his bridge crew or HIS woman."
Leonard: "Why? What's the worst that old guy can do?"
Grel: "That would be the reasons behind rebuilds five and six, correct?"
Bartender:(shivering) "Yep."

Ok, who did Gloval get?

[quote="Alpha 11 Ok, who did Gloval get?[/quote]


Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

taalismn wrote:Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

Khyron: "Azonia, are you going to meet me at the bar?"
Azonia: "With you!? I found someone more of a man then you will ever be! You have never been able to beat him in battle!"
Khyron: "What!"
Gloval: "Dat's right!"
Khyron: "But...but!"
Sammie: "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

Khyron: "Azonia, are you going to meet me at the bar?"
Azonia: "With you!? I found someone more of a man then you will ever be! You have never been able to beat him in battle!"
Khyron: "What!"
Gloval: "Dat's right!"
Khyron: "But...but!"
Sammie: "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

Ya, Azonia would do a lot better in Gloval then with Khron any day.

taalismn wrote:Sera: "And THAT is why we call it a 'Haydonite Cocktail'!"
Bartender: "You know, that's coming out of your tab."
Leonard: "That's like, what, the eighth time you're rebuilding the bar?"
Grel: "Ninth. There was Lord Breetai's brawl with Lord Reno last month."
Leonard: "Oh right! Took out the entire city block, right?"
Grel: "NEVER insult Lord Breetai's woman. NEVER."
Bartender: "Gloval's worse. Insult his bridge crew or HIS woman."
Leonard: "Why? What's the worst that old guy can do?"
Grel: "That would be the reasons behind rebuilds five and six, correct?"
Bartender:(shivering) "Yep."

Meanwhile a squad of Destroids and full-sized Zentraedi arrive with slabs of Cruiser armour and tools.

Foreman: "Ok! Where you want it this time?"

Alpha 11 wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

Khyron: "Azonia, are you going to meet me at the bar?"
Azonia: "With you!? I found someone more of a man then you will ever be! You have never been able to beat him in battle!"
Khyron: "What!"
Gloval: "Dat's right!"
Khyron: "But...but!"
Sammie: "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

Ya, Azonia would do a lot better in Gloval then with Khron any day.

Now we just have to find someone for Lang.

Roy Fokker stops at the bar.
Bartender: "Nightcap?"
Fokker:"No, one for the road."
Bartender: "Got just the thing."
(Presents Fokker with a large hollowed-out pineapple with a straw and a small umbrella sticking out of the top)
Fokker: "Thanks."

SRoss wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

Khyron: "Azonia, are you going to meet me at the bar?"
Azonia: "With you!? I found someone more of a man then you will ever be! You have never been able to beat him in battle!"
Khyron: "What!"
Gloval: "Dat's right!"
Khyron: "But...but!"
Sammie: "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

Ya, Azonia would do a lot better in Gloval then with Khron any day.

Now we just have to find someone for Lang.

Regess: "Blast! This Macgruder doll is useless!"
Lang: "Perhaps, I can be of assistance, my dear?"

Arnie100 wrote:[
Regess: "Blast! This Macgruder doll is useless!"
Lang: "Perhaps, I can be of assistance, my dear?"

Incredible God(dess) powers cosmic.
Incredible intellect.

Yeah, you start being afraid, now, you hear?

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote: Now we just have to find someone for Lang.

Regess: "Blast! This Macgruder doll is useless!"
Lang: "Perhaps, I can be of assistance, my dear?"

Who'd have known? Lang is into big booty!!!

Regent: "Great. Kicked to the curb for another monkey. BARTENDER! I'll have one of those 'depth charge' thingies! Make it a DOUBLE!"

Suddenly the Regent is jolted to the floor by his shock collar.

Minmei: "MY FEET WON'T RUB THEMSELVES SLUGBOY!"

Regent: (From the floor) "Kill me... Please!"

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:Sera: "And THAT is why we call it a 'Haydonite Cocktail'!"
Bartender: "You know, that's coming out of your tab."
Leonard: "That's like, what, the eighth time you're rebuilding the bar?"
Grel: "Ninth. There was Lord Breetai's brawl with Lord Reno last month."
Leonard: "Oh right! Took out the entire city block, right?"
Grel: "NEVER insult Lord Breetai's woman. NEVER."
Bartender: "Gloval's worse. Insult his bridge crew or HIS woman."
Leonard: "Why? What's the worst that old guy can do?"
Grel: "That would be the reasons behind rebuilds five and six, correct?"
Bartender:(shivering) "Yep."

Meanwhile a squad of Destroids and full-sized Zentraedi arrive with slabs of Cruiser armour and tools.

Foreman: "Ok! Where you want it this time?"

SRoss wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

Khyron: "Azonia, are you going to meet me at the bar?"
Azonia: "With you!? I found someone more of a man then you will ever be! You have never been able to beat him in battle!"
Khyron: "What!"
Gloval: "Dat's right!"
Khyron: "But...but!"
Sammie: "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

Ya, Azonia would do a lot better in Gloval then with Khron any day.

Now we just have to find someone for Lang.

Yes, who indeed.... Washu.

taalismn wrote:Roy Fokker stops at the bar.
Bartender: "Nightcap?"
Fokker:"No, one for the road."
Bartender: "Got just the thing."
(Presents Fokker with a large hollowed-out pineapple with a straw and a small umbrella sticking out of the top)
Fokker: "Thanks."

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Let's just say nobody's coming to rescue Khyron....

Khyron: "Azonia, are you going to meet me at the bar?"
Azonia: "With you!? I found someone more of a man then you will ever be! You have never been able to beat him in battle!"
Khyron: "What!"
Gloval: "Dat's right!"
Khyron: "But...but!"
Sammie: "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Khyron: "Oh, no..."

Ya, Azonia would do a lot better in Gloval then with Khron any day.

Now we just have to find someone for Lang.

Regess: "Blast! This Macgruder doll is useless!"
Lang: "Perhaps, I can be of assistance, my dear?"

I think I got someone better.

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:[
Regess: "Blast! This Macgruder doll is useless!"
Lang: "Perhaps, I can be of assistance, my dear?"

Incredible God(dess) powers cosmic.
Incredible intellect.

Yeah, you start being afraid, now, you hear?

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote: Now we just have to find someone for Lang.

Regess: "Blast! This Macgruder doll is useless!"
Lang: "Perhaps, I can be of assistance, my dear?"

Who'd have known? Lang is into big booty!!!

taalismn wrote:Regent: "Great. Kicked to the curb for another monkey. BARTENDER! I'll have one of those 'depth charge' thingies! Make it a DOUBLE!"

SRoss wrote:Suddenly the Regent is jolted to the floor by his shock collar.

Minmei: "MY FEET WON'T RUB THEMSELVES SLUGBOY!"

Regent: (From the floor) "Kill me... Please!"

"So...he's been like this all night?"
(looking at the Invid Regent, his head completely immersed in a beer stein)
"Is he...?"
"He's either passed out drunk and got gills on that head, or he's drowned in his beer."
"Slugs and beer.....not a good combination."
"You can't tell for certain?"
"Frankly nobody here's got up the courage to poke him to find out. He has a reputation for being a mean bastard when provoked."
"Let's get some street punk in to do it, then. There's always somebody out there willing to pick a fight with a drunk."
"You do it, then, and you clean up the mess afterwards."
"It's either that or wait for the corpse to bloat up."

Minmei: "I haven't got all day! Get your slug face outta that beer and shave my legs, or it's another time out with the tentacle beast!"

Regent: (Still face down in the mug) "Seriously ... Please kill me ..."

(Meanwhile, at the Hunters')
"Hmmm, Lisa? ...not that I'm complaining, but what did you do with that Edwards doll you had all evening?"
"Oh, that ratty old thing? I got rid of it down the kitchen garbage disposal."

"So, what's the official night report?"
"While walking home, the victim slipped, fell into the canal, got swept downstream by the current, fetched up against the hydroelectric dam, somehow managed to slip through the debris-catcher mesh screens on the outflow intake, got stuck in the turbine rotors, got chewed up, and finally got spit out downstream before we fished him out."
"And your take on it?"
"THis bozo got drunk off his arse, decided to jump a fence, went for a swim, then pried his way through the safety barriers looking to do a dumbarse stunt swimming under the dam. When he gets out of the ICU, charge this Edwards guy with Drunk and Disorderly, vandalism, breaking and entering, trespassing, and damaging public property. And inform his superior in the military to bust this guy down for being a disgrace to the uniform!"

taalismn wrote:"So...he's been like this all night?"
(looking at the Invid Regent, his head completely immersed in a beer stein)
"Is he...?"
"He's either passed out drunk and got gills on that head, or he's drowned in his beer."
"Slugs and beer.....not a good combination."
"You can't tell for certain?"
"Frankly nobody here's got up the courage to poke him to find out. He has a reputation for being a mean bastard when provoked."
"Let's get some street punk in to do it, then. There's always somebody out there willing to pick a fight with a drunk."
"You do it, then, and you clean up the mess afterwards."
"It's either that or wait for the corpse to bloat up."

SRoss wrote:Minmei: "I haven't got all day! Get your slug face outta that beer and shave my legs, or it's another time out with the tentacle beast!"

Regent: (Still face down in the mug) "Seriously ... Please kill me ..."

taalismn wrote:(Meanwhile, at the Hunters')
"Hmmm, Lisa? ...not that I'm complaining, but what did you do with that Edwards doll you had all evening?"
"Oh, that ratty old thing? I got rid of it down the kitchen garbage disposal."

"So, what's the official night report?"
"While walking home, the victim slipped, fell into the canal, got swept downstream by the current, fetched up against the hydroelectric dam, somehow managed to slip through the debris-catcher mesh screens on the outflow intake, got stuck in the turbine rotors, got chewed up, and finally got spit out downstream before we fished him out."
"And your take on it?"
"THis bozo got drunk off his arse, decided to jump a fence, went for a swim, then pried his way through the safety barriers looking to do a dumbarse stunt swimming under the dam. When he gets out of the ICU, charge this Edwards guy with Drunk and Disorderly, vandalism, breaking and entering, trespassing, and damaging public property. And inform his superior in the military to bust this guy down for being a disgrace to the uniform!"

Lisa: "Don't tell me you actually miss that nasty thing!?"
Rick: "Well..."
Lisa: "Okay...here's another one!"

(Jail cell, GMP HQ)

Edwards: "Wha -- how'd I get here!?" (Suddenly gets a strange sensation all over his body) "Oh, no...not AGAIN!"
Guard #1: "Did you hear something?
Guard #2: "Nope."
Guard #1: "Good enough for me."

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa: "Don't tell me you actually miss that nasty thing!?"
Rick: "Well..."
Lisa: "Okay...here's another one!"

(Jail cell, GMP HQ)

Edwards: "Wha -- how'd I get here!?" (Suddenly gets a strange sensation all over his body) "Oh, no...not AGAIN!"
Guard #1: "Did you hear something?
Guard #2: "Nope."
Guard #1: "Good enough for me."

#FWHUMPH#"YIIIEEE!!!HOTHOTHOTHOTI'MBURNINGUP!!YII!YIII!YIII!!!YIII!!!***SIZZLE***

Guard #1: "You know, we've never had a prisoner spontaneously combust on us in lock-up before."
Guard #2: "Guess what, we still haven't."
Guard #1: "Right."

"Rick, I'm so glad you insisted on a fire pit in the backyard."

Guard #1: "So, should we...y'know, put him out or something?"
Guard #2: "Why?"
Guard #1: "It IS starting to smell kinda funny..."
Guard #2: "I don't smell a thing!"
Guard #1: "Right! Gotcha!"
Edwards: "AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guard #1: "Didn't hear that, either?"
Guard #2: "You catch on quick!"

"Lisa, the art of cooking something over an open flame is knopwing when to flip it over. Like -so-."

"AIIIYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!!"

"Are our security cameras working correctly?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Because monitor seven is showing the prisoner doing flaming cartwheels!"
"Don't be silly, the prisoner is NOT doing flaming cartwheels."
"But loo-"
"The prisoner is not doing flaming cartwheels. A cartwheel is when you move sideways, perpendicular to your front-back horizontal axis. If the prisoner is doing anything, it's a BACKFLIP, in a front to back vertical motion."
"Well, then, the prisoner in Cell Seven is doing flaming backflips!"
"No, he's not doing anything right now!"
"Because he's lying there smouldering!"
"Don't you have better things to do than watch the monitors all night? LIke go down and bang your nightstick on the bars to the drunk tank? Or wander by in creepy fashion by the opposite gender cells? Well, get to it!"

A female GMP Officer in full dripping armour approaches booking, dragging the Regent with her.

Nova: "Book this one on a 427."

Desk Sargent: "Bestiality?"

Nova: "Yep, caught him doing nasty things with some kind of tentacle thing."

Regent: "YOU'VEGOTTOSAVEME!!! I THOUGHT MY WIFE WAS BAD, THIS WOMAN'S COMPLETELY NUTS!!!"

Nova: "HEY SETTLE DOWN!" (Hits him with the Stun Stick)

Desk Sargent: "What's THAT about?"

Nova: "I don't know, he's been like that since I found him."

Fifteen minutes later...

Guard #2: "Hey Edwards! You gota roommate!"

"So we meet again, human! (sniff-sniff) Are you on FIRE?"

Edwards: "Please....help..." (Edwards suddenly flips over)
Regent: "Guards! Get me outta here!! He's possessed!"
Guard #1: "I get it now...pipe down in there! Can't you see the other prisoners are trying to get some sleep?"
Guard #2: "Very good! You'll go far here!"
Desk Sergeant: "What's going on in there!?"
Both Guards: "NOTHING!"
Regent: "He's doing it again!"

Ben Dixon:(In the drunk tank next door) "SHUDDUP! CAN'T A GUY GENNENY SHLEEP AROUND HERE??!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa: "Don't tell me you actually miss that nasty thing!?"
Rick: "Well..."
Lisa: "Okay...here's another one!"

(Jail cell, GMP HQ)

Edwards: "Wha -- how'd I get here!?" (Suddenly gets a strange sensation all over his body) "Oh, no...not AGAIN!"
Guard #1: "Did you hear something?
Guard #2: "Nope."
Guard #1: "Good enough for me."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa: "Don't tell me you actually miss that nasty thing!?"
Rick: "Well..."
Lisa: "Okay...here's another one!"

(Jail cell, GMP HQ)

Edwards: "Wha -- how'd I get here!?" (Suddenly gets a strange sensation all over his body) "Oh, no...not AGAIN!"
Guard #1: "Did you hear something?
Guard #2: "Nope."
Guard #1: "Good enough for me."

#FWHUMPH#"YIIIEEE!!!HOTHOTHOTHOTI'MBURNINGUP!!YII!YIII!YIII!!!YIII!!!***SIZZLE***

Guard #1: "You know, we've never had a prisoner spontaneously combust on us in lock-up before."
Guard #2: "Guess what, we still haven't."
Guard #1: "Right."

"Rick, I'm so glad you insisted on a fire pit in the backyard."

Arnie100 wrote:Guard #1: "So, should we...y'know, put him out or something?"
Guard #2: "Why?"
Guard #1: "It IS starting to smell kinda funny..."
Guard #2: "I don't smell a thing!"
Guard #1: "Right! Gotcha!"
Edwards: "AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guard #1: "Didn't hear that, either?"
Guard #2: "You catch on quick!"

taalismn wrote:"Lisa, the art of cooking something over an open flame is knopwing when to flip it over. Like -so-."

"AIIIYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!!"

"Are our security cameras working correctly?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Because monitor seven is showing the prisoner doing flaming cartwheels!"
"Don't be silly, the prisoner is NOT doing flaming cartwheels."
"But loo-"
"The prisoner is not doing flaming cartwheels. A cartwheel is when you move sideways, perpendicular to your front-back horizontal axis. If the prisoner is doing anything, it's a BACKFLIP, in a front to back vertical motion."
"Well, then, the prisoner in Cell Seven is doing flaming backflips!"
"No, he's not doing anything right now!"
"Because he's lying there smouldering!"
"Don't you have better things to do than watch the monitors all night? LIke go down and bang your nightstick on the bars to the drunk tank? Or wander by in creepy fashion by the opposite gender cells? Well, get to it!"

SRoss wrote:A female GMP Officer in full dripping armour approaches booking, dragging the Regent with her.

Nova: "Book this one on a 427."

Desk Sargent: "Bestiality?"

Nova: "Yep, caught him doing nasty things with some kind of tentacle thing."

Regent: "YOU'VEGOTTOSAVEME!!! I THOUGHT MY WIFE WAS BAD, THIS WOMAN'S COMPLETELY NUTS!!!"

Nova: "HEY SETTLE DOWN!" (Hits him with the Stun Stick)

Desk Sargent: "What's THAT about?"

Nova: "I don't know, he's been like that since I found him."

Fifteen minutes later...

Guard #2: "Hey Edwards! You gota roommate!"

taalismn wrote:"So we meet again, human! (sniff-sniff) Are you on FIRE?"

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "Please....help..." (Edwards suddenly flips over)
Regent: "Guards! Get me outta here!! He's possessed!"
Guard #1: "I get it now...pipe down in there! Can't you see the other prisoners are trying to get some sleep?"
Guard #2: "Very good! You'll go far here!"
Desk Sergeant: "What's going on in there!?"
Both Guards: "NOTHING!"
Regent: "He's doing it again!"

taalismn wrote:Ben Dixon:(In the drunk tank next door) "SHUDDUP! CAN'T A GUY GENNENY SHLEEP AROUND HERE??!!!"

*KLANG-KLANG*
"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE YOU REPROBATES!"
"But Offic-"
"I NEED HEL-"
"I SAID SHUDDUP! And you creeps got company! Somebody here to see yah!"
"Oh sweet Regis come to bail me out!"
" No way in hell, slugboy! It's Benson, with my lawyer! The Ghosts finally come through for me!"
"Right this way, ma'am, and keep at least six feet from the bars. Just give a shout when you need us..."
(Minmei walks into view)
"Hello, dears... And what an unexpected surprise to see you here, Edwards! It saves me...time. "
"AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!! IT'S HER!!!!"
"OFFICER! OFFICER!!! HELP US!!! HELLLLPPPP!!!"
"WE'RE CORNERED!!!"
"TRAPPED! LIKE RATS IN A BOX!! POLICE!!! POLICE!!!HELP!!!"
(Outside the closed door, the officer is gleefully looking at his autograph book)
"Oh, my daughter's going to LOVE this!"

(Prison Block, GMP HQ)

Guard #1: "She gave your daughter an autograph!?"
Guard:#2: "Yessir! And I took a picture of her, too!"
Regent: "GUARDS!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!"
Edwards: "NONONONONONONONONO!! (Desperately trying to dig through the walls)
Minmei: "I'm still outside the cell, you cowards."
Desk Sergeant: "I need a vacation..." (Turns off monitors)

(Hunter's Quarters)

Rick: "I think we should boil it..."
Lisa: "No, let's let's flip it over the fire a few more times..."

Lisa: "Get me some more lighter fluid, Rick."
Rick: "Right, I'll-*dingadingadinga* Hold on, I'll get it....Hello? Hello! What are y-You want to speak with Lisa? Just a moment. Lisa, it's for you!"
Lisa: "Hello? Minmei? Wha- 'Cut it out'? What are you referring to? Oh? Oh! WHY? Oh. Oh! Okay, but just this once. Good night."*click*
Rick:"What was THAT about?"
Lisa: " Forget the lighter fluid. Let's just put this thing in a trash can for the night, okay. We can dispose of it later."

Khyron: (In cell, wearing latex thong and a gimp mask) "Well I guess it really could get worse."

Corg: (Ditto) "You spoke too soon fool! LOOK!!!"

Sammy: (with Annie in tow) "There you two are, we've been looking all over for you two. Come on I've got soo much to teach little Annie here..."

Khyron & Corg: (Hugging each other in terror)"NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Guard #1: "Isn't she supposed to be dead?"

Guard #2: "Who?"

Guard #1: "Got ya."

Desk Sargent: "I really need a transfer. I wonder if that post in Siberia is still open?"

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"HELPMEHELPMEPLEASEI'LLREPENTANDGIVETOCHARITYJUSTGETMEOUTOFTHISMERCYPLLLEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!!"
-knock-knock-
"Yes, ma'am? Ready to leave?"
"No, officer, can you get me a chainsaw?"
"Electric or gasoline powered?"
"Gasoline, definitely. Something with some horsepower."
"Ten minutes?"
"I can wait. And bring the gas can in when you do?"
"No problem, ma'am."

"OH PROTOCULTURE!!! WHERE DID SHE GET THOSE FISH! OH MOTHER REGIS PLEASE DEVOLVE ME INTO SOMETHING THAT CAN'T FEEL PAIN!!!"

Nova: "Umm ... I'm going on a coffee run, you want anything?"

Desk Sargent: "Yeah, just tell em I need the special..."

Nova: "Double vodka, got it..."

Desk Sargeant: "Just another slow day at the Miskatonic County Jail, GMP East Coast Division, no? Whattya want, Mister Whateley?"
Wilbur Whateley: (trembling in his cell) "Can I request a transfer to another prison? I'm scared here...!"

Desk Sergeant: "WHY do I always get the wierd ones?"
Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you really need to see thi --"
Desk Sergeant: "No, I don't. I don't have to see anything AT ALL."
Guard #1: "But --"
Desk Sergeant: "Fine... ...I didn't see THAT." (Sees Corg and Khyron --use your imagination)

taalismn wrote:*KLANG-KLANG*
"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE YOU REPROBATES!"
"But Offic-"
"I NEED HEL-"
"I SAID SHUDDUP! And you creeps got company! Somebody here to see yah!"
"Oh sweet Regis come to bail me out!"
" No way in hell, slugboy! It's Benson, with my lawyer! The Ghosts finally come through for me!"
"Right this way, ma'am, and keep at least six feet from the bars. Just give a shout when you need us..."
(Minmei walks into view)
"Hello, dears... And what an unexpected surprise to see you here, Edwards! It saves me...time. "
"AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!! IT'S HER!!!!"
"OFFICER! OFFICER!!! HELP US!!! HELLLLPPPP!!!"
"WE'RE CORNERED!!!"
"TRAPPED! LIKE RATS IN A BOX!! POLICE!!! POLICE!!!HELP!!!"
(Outside the closed door, the officer is gleefully looking at his autograph book)
"Oh, my daughter's going to LOVE this!"

Arnie100 wrote:(Prison Block, GMP HQ)

Guard #1: "She gave your daughter an autograph!?"
Guard:#2: "Yessir! And I took a picture of her, too!"
Regent: "GUARDS!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!"
Edwards: "NONONONONONONONONO!! (Desperately trying to dig through the walls)
Minmei: "I'm still outside the cell, you cowards."
Desk Sergeant: "I need a vacation..." (Turns off monitors)

(Hunter's Quarters)

Rick: "I think we should boil it..."
Lisa: "No, let's let's flip it over the fire a few more times..."

taalismn wrote:Lisa: "Get me some more lighter fluid, Rick."
Rick: "Right, I'll-*dingadingadinga* Hold on, I'll get it....Hello? Hello! What are y-You want to speak with Lisa? Just a moment. Lisa, it's for you!"
Lisa: "Hello? Minmei? Wha- 'Cut it out'? What are you referring to? Oh? Oh! WHY? Oh. Oh! Okay, but just this once. Good night."*click*
Rick:"What was THAT about?"
Lisa: " Forget the lighter fluid. Let's just put this thing in a trash can for the night, okay. We can dispose of it later."

SRoss wrote:Khyron: (In cell, wearing latex thong and a gimp mask) "Well I guess it really could get worse."

Corg: (Ditto) "You spoke too soon fool! LOOK!!!"

Sammy: (with Annie in tow) "There you two are, we've been looking all over for you two. Come on I've got soo much to teach little Annie here..."

Khyron & Corg: (Hugging each other in terror)"NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Guard #1: "Isn't she supposed to be dead?"

Guard #2: "Who?"

Guard #1: "Got ya."

Desk Sargent: "I really need a transfer. I wonder if that post in Siberia is still open?"

taalismn wrote:"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"HELPMEHELPMEPLEASEI'LLREPENTANDGIVETOCHARITYJUSTGETMEOUTOFTHISMERCYPLLLEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!!"
-knock-knock-
"Yes, ma'am? Ready to leave?"
"No, officer, can you get me a chainsaw?"
"Electric or gasoline powered?"
"Gasoline, definitely. Something with some horsepower."
"Ten minutes?"
"I can wait. And bring the gas can in when you do?"
"No problem, ma'am."

SRoss wrote:"OH PROTOCULTURE!!! WHERE DID SHE GET THOSE FISH! OH MOTHER REGIS PLEASE DEVOLVE ME INTO SOMETHING THAT CAN'T FEEL PAIN!!!"

Nova: "Umm ... I'm going on a coffee run, you want anything?"

Desk Sargent: "Yeah, just tell em I need the special..."

Nova: "Double vodka, got it..."

taalismn wrote:Desk Sargeant: "Just another slow day at the Miskatonic County Jail, GMP East Coast Division, no? Whattya want, Mister Whateley?"
Wilbur Whateley: (trembling in his cell) "Can I request a transfer to another prison? I'm scared here...!"

Arnie100 wrote:Desk Sergeant: "WHY do I always get the wierd ones?"
Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you really need to see thi --"
Desk Sergeant: "No, I don't. I don't have to see anything AT ALL."
Guard #1: "But --"
Desk Sergeant: "Fine... ...I didn't see THAT." (Sees Corg and Khyron --use your imagination)

Arnie100 wrote:Desk Sergeant: "WHY do I always get the wierd ones?"
Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you really need to see thi --"
Desk Sergeant: "No, I don't. I don't have to see anything AT ALL."
Guard #1: "But --"
Desk Sergeant: "Fine... ...I didn't see THAT." (Sees Corg and Khyron --use your imagination)

Wilbur Whateley:(rattling cell bars) "GET! ME! OUT! OF! THIS! DEN! OF! EVIL!"
Guard #1:"Oh, do be quiet, tentacle-boy."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Desk Sergeant: "WHY do I always get the wierd ones?"
Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you really need to see thi --"
Desk Sergeant: "No, I don't. I don't have to see anything AT ALL."
Guard #1: "But --"
Desk Sergeant: "Fine... ...I didn't see THAT." (Sees Corg and Khyron --use your imagination)

Wilbur Whateley:(rattling cell bars) "GET! ME! OUT! OF! THIS! DEN! OF! EVIL!"
Guard #1:"Oh, do be quiet, tentacle-boy."

Raise your appendage if you followed the link to see Sammy's fish.

SRoss wrote:[
Raise your appendage if you followed the link to see Sammy's fish.

Knew of the little swimmers' reputations from long ago....they're a favorite of fiction writers for humiliating torture/deaths

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Desk Sergeant: "WHY do I always get the wierd ones?"
Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you really need to see thi --"
Desk Sergeant: "No, I don't. I don't have to see anything AT ALL."
Guard #1: "But --"
Desk Sergeant: "Fine... ...I didn't see THAT." (Sees Corg and Khyron --use your imagination)

Wilbur Whateley:(rattling cell bars) "GET! ME! OUT! OF! THIS! DEN! OF! EVIL!"
Guard #1:"Oh, do be quiet, tentacle-boy."

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Desk Sergeant: "WHY do I always get the wierd ones?"
Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you really need to see thi --"
Desk Sergeant: "No, I don't. I don't have to see anything AT ALL."
Guard #1: "But --"
Desk Sergeant: "Fine... ...I didn't see THAT." (Sees Corg and Khyron --use your imagination)

Wilbur Whateley:(rattling cell bars) "GET! ME! OUT! OF! THIS! DEN! OF! EVIL!"
Guard #1:"Oh, do be quiet, tentacle-boy."

Raise your appendage if you followed the link to see Sammy's fish.

(Jail Cell, GMP HQ)

Khyron: "It's moving...AGAIN! PROTOCULTURE SAVE ME!!"
Corg; "Anything, PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP!"
Sammie: "We haven't DONE anything....YET!"
Annie: "Mr. Snuggles, we're going to have SOOOOOO much fun!"
Corg and Khyron:

(Meanwhile)
"And which of these men stole your Flower, ma'am?"
The Regis is in an observation room with a GMP officer, looking at a line-up in the next room, where several purple-haired guys and others are on the stage...and the three Robotech Masters are on the end.
"Take your time, ma'am."

Regis: "It's kind of hard to tell...they kind of look all the same to me."
Detective: "What about those three older-looking ones on the end?"
Regis: "Maybe...it was kind of dark..."
Detective: "Guards, take the three old-looking guys and throw 'em in with Corg and Khyron!"
Guard #1: ( Shuddering) "But, Sir..."
Detective: "Just do it!"
Masters: "What are you doing!? We're INNOCENT!"
Guard #2: "Come on!"
Masters: "NNNOOO!!! WAIT! We were set up!"

(Detective's Office)

Detective: "Thanks for the tip, General Leonard!"
Leonard: "Just doing my civic duty, is all!"

"What were those three in for, anyways?"
"Drunk, disorderly, indecent exposure, public lewdness."

Meanwhile, a simple toilet in Ben's cell:

*GLORP!!!*

RETURN OF THE INAPPROPRIATELY AFFECTIONATE TENTACLE MONSTER...

Suddenly, a tentacle, followed by another, and another, come out. They start caressing Ben.

Ben: (Still sleeping) "Oh, baby, that's the stuff."

Guard #1: "Uhh, should we call the Sea Squad?"

Guard #2: "ARE YOU KIDDING! Don't you remember what they said they'd do to us after the last time?"

Guard #1: "Sarge, I think you REALLY need to see THIS one!"
Desk Sergeant: "(Sighs) Why? WHY me!?"
Guard #2: "Hey...we COULD make a video and put it on the 'net..."

"Hello? BioSanitation Battalion? GMP Lockup here. We got Whateley in the pipes again. Could you send a -"
*KLANK*"You called about tentacles in the plumbing?"
"-squad over?....Damn, you guys are fast."
"Best to deal with eldritch horrors while they're still small. Especially considering what ELSE people flush down the john. Ever seen what happens when a pollution-mutated sea robin devours somebody's stash of 'white lightning' LSD cut with Flower of Life pollen?"
"No-"
"Ask the Sea Squad about it and the spate of 'Ring of Fire' earthquakes around the Pacific around that time. Be sure to pick up their bar tab. Okay, boys, this is Whateley we're talking about, so make sure you have the proper lines from your pocket Necronomicrons bookmarked and ideally memorized, and the Spirit Vacs charged."
"You going to nuke our toilets again?"
"NO, we're thinking this time dropping hydrophones in and broadcasting 'Leonard Nimoy Sings the Blues' to drive him out. Then we're going to thangormize him."
"'Thangormize'? Some ritual from planet Thangor?"
"No, it's another name for beating the snot out of him with spiky blunt instruments."