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taalismn wrote:6) As a Fuel Additive---We got fixed results adding distillated Flower of Life spirits in a gasohol mixture. About fifty percent of the engines we tried it in fizzled out and choked, another forty percent caught fire, and the remaining ten percent..well, we've asked the UEEF fleet to see if they can recover our lawn mowers from out near Saturn.

7) Wine---Proving that you can use just about anything to make alcohol, we used the talents of several vitners in the California territory to make us up some fermented Flower Wine, using stockpiled Flower sap hidden in a cave (so we only had to age it about an extra year). Results were initially promising; our taste testers commented on the fruity, sparkly flavor. Then one of them mutated into a giant grape. Another exploded. Another we had to recover half-frozen from the top of Mount Mckinley, where he apparently spontaneously teleported. We put a stop to further experimentation, although our vitners have suggested further aging of the spirits, and/or cutting the juice with other vintages, such some of the surviving Grand Fenwick labels.

Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

"DOC!!! Lynn Kyle is glowing again!"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

More like: "Doc, I don't remember having these many arms before" or "Where did this tail come from and why do I feel like swinging from trees..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

More like: "Doc, I don't remember having these many arms before" or "Where did this tail come from and why do I feel like swinging from trees..."

Wherein hangs the tale of the woman whose husband devolved into an ape, and she couldn't tell the difference....

taalismn wrote:6) As a Fuel Additive---We got fixed results adding distillated Flower of Life spirits in a gasohol mixture. About fifty percent of the engines we tried it in fizzled out and choked, another forty percent caught fire, and the remaining ten percent..well, we've asked the UEEF fleet to see if they can recover our lawn mowers from out near Saturn.

7) Wine---Proving that you can use just about anything to make alcohol, we used the talents of several vitners in the California territory to make us up some fermented Flower Wine, using stockpiled Flower sap hidden in a cave (so we only had to age it about an extra year). Results were initially promising; our taste testers commented on the fruity, sparkly flavor. Then one of them mutated into a giant grape. Another exploded. Another we had to recover half-frozen from the top of Mount Mckinley, where he apparently spontaneously teleported. We put a stop to further experimentation, although our vitners have suggested further aging of the spirits, and/or cutting the juice with other vintages, such some of the surviving Grand Fenwick labels.

Some more good ones.

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

Most likely.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

"DOC!!! Lynn Kyle is glowing again!"

Nothing unually here poeple. Move along!

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

More like: "Doc, I don't remember having these many arms before" or "Where did this tail come from and why do I feel like swinging from trees..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:
Seasoning -- Do NOT mix in with food...unusual results have occured.

By 'unusual', do you mean 'not apparently immediately fatal but still damn uncomfortable'?

More like: "Doc, I don't remember having these many arms before" or "Where did this tail come from and why do I feel like swinging from trees..."

Wherein hangs the tale of the woman whose husband devolved into an ape, and she couldn't tell the difference....

A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

Don't forget his bungled fear roll when they asked him what wine he goes well with.

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

Don't forget his bungled fear roll when they asked him what wine he goes well with.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

Don't forget his bungled fear roll when they asked him what wine he goes well with.

That's what, on a 1? Loss of sphincter control AND instant hair bleaching?

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

Don't forget his bungled fear roll when they asked him what wine he goes well with.

That's what, on a 1? Loss of sphincter control AND instant hair bleaching?

Sounds about right.

What about a "Flee in terror and cry like a baby" moment...?

Hmmm...that would be 'what wine goes with chicken?'

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:A lone figure parachutes into the Alaskan wilderness.

Edwards: "AT LAST! I've escaped that damnable Lisa Hayes!!!"

As he packs up his chute, three grey-skinned black haired women appeared out of the brush around him.

Edwards: " "

Irony: It Just Rolled a Natural Sixty On a Twenty-Sided.

Don't forget his bungled fear roll when they asked him what wine he goes well with.

That's what, on a 1? Loss of sphincter control AND instant hair bleaching?

Arnie100 wrote:What about a "Flee in terror and cry like a baby" moment...?

Nay, that's on a natrual -1.

taalismn wrote:Hmmm...that would be 'what wine goes with chicken?'

"Rick? You ever have the feeling whan you're compiling your Edwards List that the universe just one-upped you?"
"No? Why?"
"Because I have this sudden urge to list #4882 as 'Eaten Alive by Alien Copycat Clones of Myself'."
"...points for originality, dear."
"Only I'm not sure I came up with it! More like somebody or something else REPORTED it to me!"

taalismn wrote:"Rick? You ever have the feeling whan you're compiling your Edwards List that the universe just one-upped you?"
"No? Why?"
"Because I have this sudden urge to list #4882 as 'Eaten Alive by Alien Copycat Clones of Myself'."
"...points for originality, dear."
"Only I'm not sure I came up with it! More like somebody or something else REPORTED it to me!"

Meanwhile in scene out of a twisted 1950's Home & Garden. The girls hum to themselves as they prepare garnishes. In the background, Edwards is tied to a spit with an apple in his mouth. The spit is being turned by a huge Gura Warrior.

Cooking for family....a real bonding experience...

Edwards : (Turning on a spit) "MMmmmmmPPPPHHHH!!!!"
Lisa Clones: "Oh, do shut up...you're just making it worse...relax and let us enjoy cooking you."

taalismn wrote:"Rick? You ever have the feeling whan you're compiling your Edwards List that the universe just one-upped you?"
"No? Why?"
"Because I have this sudden urge to list #4882 as 'Eaten Alive by Alien Copycat Clones of Myself'."
"...points for originality, dear."
"Only I'm not sure I came up with it! More like somebody or something else REPORTED it to me!"

Now start the Twilight Zone music!

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Rick? You ever have the feeling whan you're compiling your Edwards List that the universe just one-upped you?"
"No? Why?"
"Because I have this sudden urge to list #4882 as 'Eaten Alive by Alien Copycat Clones of Myself'."
"...points for originality, dear."
"Only I'm not sure I came up with it! More like somebody or something else REPORTED it to me!"

Meanwhile in scene out of a twisted 1950's Home & Garden. The girls hum to themselves as they prepare garnishes. In the background, Edwards is tied to a spit with an apple in his mouth. The spit is being turned by a huge Gura Warrior.

taalismn wrote:Cooking for family....a real bonding experience...

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards : (Turning on a spit) "MMmmmmmPPPPHHHH!!!!"
Lisa Clones: "Oh, do shut up...you're just making it worse...relax and let us enjoy cooking you."

Lisa: "I just had the strangest dream, Rick."
Rick: "What was it, Hon?"
Lisa: "I was in a kitchen cooking vegetables..."

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa: "I just had the strangest dream, Rick."
Rick: "What was it, Hon?"
Lisa: "I was in a kitchen cooking vegetables..."

"And now this recipe calls for us to put these...ah, they're called radishes, potatoes, and peppers... on the same stake as the meat portion of the meal."
Edwards: "***!"

"And....BAM!!! We just add a bit of...ahem...seasoning (never mind that it's glowing) and add a few more garnishes..."
Edwards: "MMMMMmmmppphhh???!!!"
"Someone please pass me a mallet, a really BIG one. The main dish needs a bit more tenderizing!"
Edwards:

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa: "I just had the strangest dream, Rick."
Rick: "What was it, Hon?"
Lisa: "I was in a kitchen cooking vegetables..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa: "I just had the strangest dream, Rick."
Rick: "What was it, Hon?"
Lisa: "I was in a kitchen cooking vegetables..."

"And now this recipe calls for us to put these...ah, they're called radishes, potatoes, and peppers... on the same stake as the meat portion of the meal."
Edwards: "***!"

Arnie100 wrote:"And....BAM!!! We just add a bit of...ahem...seasoning (never mind that it's glowing) and add a few more garnishes..."
Edwards: "MMMMMmmmppphhh???!!!"
"Someone please pass me a mallet, a really BIG one. The main dish needs a bit more tenderizing!"
Edwards:

Khyron: "Edwards is late."
Kyle: "So?"
Khyron: "Don't you think you should call him up and remind him tonight's poker night?"
Kyle: "No."
"Why not?"
"Because he's not showed up before and when I called him he's given me seven shades of hell ranting about this that and the other thing, and how he's too busy and too important to be held to any appointment or bothered with being polite! I'm not going to put up with that! He wants to play, he shows up. He doesn't? Not going to force the issue. But seriously, that man has a chip on his shoulder and a stick up his @$$-"
(Cut to....Edwards rotating on his spit, as the three women discuss the subtleties of proper basting and garnishing)
"You know, you're absolutely right. But that still leaves us a player short."
"Call up Dolza. He's usually not busy."

Kyle: "Dolza isn't answering...what about Grel?
Khyron: "Naaah, he's at the bar tonight."
Kyle: "The Regent?"
Khyron: "Marriage issues...now there's a guy with a really big stick up his @ss."

(Meanwhile)

Lisa: "Rick, I had another strange dream..."
Rick: "Again, Hon?"
Lisa: "It was like I was in a cooking show or something and I was discussing how to prepare a roast..."
Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon. (Goes into living room and tosses strange-looking, glowing plant into the garbage disposal) Go back to sleep, Hon."
Lisa: "'Kay."

(Dolza makes it to poker night anyway)
"Two spades."
"Raise the pot...I'll bet...A COMMAND FORTRESS."
"Oh god, Dolza, you're kidding, right?"
"Way to call a game to a screeching halt!"
"What do you mean?"
"Every time you have a bad hand, you try to use it to get that white elephant off your hands by unloading it into the pot! If any of us accpet and win, we're saddled with it!"
"What do you mean? It's a COMMAND FORTRESS."
"A battered, burned, irradiated, most blown away, very much unfunctional battle fortress held together with duct tape."
"True, it's a fixer-upper...."
"Nothing a little paint wouldn't fix? Dolza, I'd go bankrupt just decontaminating and renovating a CLOSET on that thing! Quit trying to foist that derelict off on us!"
"Fine! Well, what are you raising to the pot?"
"I bet...I bet Minmei...."
"...wow...speaking of writing checks that can't be cashed..."
"Yeah...you looking to get pistol-whipped again?"
"Heh...I take it, Kyle, you're not angling for an open casket funeral? Cremation maybe?"
"Oh shut up."
"I think the only thing you got left of any value is your cufflinks..."

Dolza: "Okay, Khyron, what's your bet??"
Khyron: "Ummm...Azonia."
Kyle: "And you tell ME that I've got a death wish, sheesh."

"Face it, guys, we're IMPOVERISHED, in the basement rung tax bracket, on anime welfare..."
"I got a promotional deal!"
"You're a pretty boy, Khyron. Your looks aren't going to last forever. You're living on borrowed time."

taalismn wrote:Khyron: "Edwards is late."
Kyle: "So?"
Khyron: "Don't you think you should call him up and remind him tonight's poker night?"
Kyle: "No."
"Why not?"
"Because he's not showed up before and when I called him he's given me seven shades of hell ranting about this that and the other thing, and how he's too busy and too important to be held to any appointment or bothered with being polite! I'm not going to put up with that! He wants to play, he shows up. He doesn't? Not going to force the issue. But seriously, that man has a chip on his shoulder and a stick up his @$$-"
(Cut to....Edwards rotating on his spit, as the three women discuss the subtleties of proper basting and garnishing)
"You know, you're absolutely right. But that still leaves us a player short."
"Call up Dolza. He's usually not busy."

Arnie100 wrote:Kyle: "Dolza isn't answering...what about Grel?
Khyron: "Naaah, he's at the bar tonight."
Kyle: "The Regent?"
Khyron: "Marriage issues...now there's a guy with a really big stick up his @ss."

(Meanwhile)

Lisa: "Rick, I had another strange dream..."
Rick: "Again, Hon?"
Lisa: "It was like I was in a cooking show or something and I was discussing how to prepare a roast..."
Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon. (Goes into living room and tosses strange-looking, glowing plant into the garbage disposal) Go back to sleep, Hon."
Lisa: "'Kay."

taalismn wrote:(Dolza makes it to poker night anyway)
"Two spades."
"Raise the pot...I'll bet...A COMMAND FORTRESS."
"Oh god, Dolza, you're kidding, right?"
"Way to call a game to a screeching halt!"
"What do you mean?"
"Every time you have a bad hand, you try to use it to get that white elephant off your hands by unloading it into the pot! If any of us accpet and win, we're saddled with it!"
"What do you mean? It's a COMMAND FORTRESS."
"A battered, burned, irradiated, most blown away, very much unfunctional battle fortress held together with duct tape."
"True, it's a fixer-upper...."
"Nothing a little paint wouldn't fix? Dolza, I'd go bankrupt just decontaminating and renovating a CLOSET on that thing! Quit trying to foist that derelict off on us!"
"Fine! Well, what are you raising to the pot?"
"I bet...I bet Minmei...."
"...wow...speaking of writing checks that can't be cashed..."
"Yeah...you looking to get pistol-whipped again?"
"Heh...I take it, Kyle, you're not angling for an open casket funeral? Cremation maybe?"
"Oh shut up."
"I think the only thing you got left of any value is your cufflinks..."

Arnie100 wrote:Dolza: "Okay, Khyron, what's your bet??"
Khyron: "Ummm...Azonia."
Kyle: "And you tell ME that I've got a death wish, sheesh."

taalismn wrote:"Face it, guys, we're IMPOVERISHED, in the basement rung tax bracket, on anime welfare..."
"I got a promotional deal!"
"You're a pretty boy, Khyron. Your looks aren't going to last forever. You're living on borrowed time."

taalismn wrote:"Face it, guys, we're IMPOVERISHED, in the basement rung tax bracket, on anime welfare..."
"I got a promotional deal!"
"You're a pretty boy, Khyron. Your looks aren't going to last forever. You're living on borrowed time."

"Khyron in a Calvin Cline commercial? AARRRRGGG!!! Must! ... UN! ... SEE!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:(Meanwhile)

Lisa: "Rick, I had another strange dream..."
Rick: "Again, Hon?"
Lisa: "It was like I was in a cooking show or something and I was discussing how to prepare a roast..."
Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon. (Goes into living room and tosses strange-looking, glowing plant into the garbage disposal) Go back to sleep, Hon."
Lisa: "'Kay."

"Hello ... BioSanitation Squad? I'd like to report the Hunter's garbage is glowing... AGAIN!!!"

Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon." (BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!)
Lisa: "What was that!?"
Rick: (Picks up phone) "GMP HQ? I'd like to report an intruder poking around my garbage."

Arnie100 wrote:Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon." (BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!)
Lisa: "What was that!?"
Rick: (Picks up phone) "GMP HQ? I'd like to report an intruder poking around my garbage."

BSS Foreman: "Shot AGAIN, Mister Kyle? That's what, the fifth time this month? Your worker's comp and health insurance are wearing thin..."
Lynn Kyle:(patching bullet wound in his arm) "...I swear, if I didn't have my gambling debts to pay off, I'd never have taken this crummy garbage job..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon." (BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!)
Lisa: "What was that!?"
Rick: (Picks up phone) "GMP HQ? I'd like to report an intruder poking around my garbage."

BSS Foreman: "Shot AGAIN, Mister Kyle? That's what, the fifth time this month? Your worker's comp and health insurance are wearing thin..."
Lynn Kyle:(patching bullet wound in his arm) "...I swear, if I didn't have my gambling debts to pay off, I'd never have taken this crummy garbage job..."

Lynn Kyle: "I so hate this job..."
BSS Foreman: "I got an even nicer one for you. Seems Breetai's toilet is having some issues. Guess who gets to go fix it?"
Lynn Kyle:

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Face it, guys, we're IMPOVERISHED, in the basement rung tax bracket, on anime welfare..."
"I got a promotional deal!"
"You're a pretty boy, Khyron. Your looks aren't going to last forever. You're living on borrowed time."

"Khyron in a Calvin Cline commercial? AARRRRGGG!!! Must! ... UN! ... SEE!!!"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Meanwhile)

Lisa: "Rick, I had another strange dream..."
Rick: "Again, Hon?"
Lisa: "It was like I was in a cooking show or something and I was discussing how to prepare a roast..."
Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon. (Goes into living room and tosses strange-looking, glowing plant into the garbage disposal) Go back to sleep, Hon."
Lisa: "'Kay."

"Hello ... BioSanitation Squad? I'd like to report the Hunter's garbage is glowing... AGAIN!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon." (BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!)
Lisa: "What was that!?"
Rick: (Picks up phone) "GMP HQ? I'd like to report an intruder poking around my garbage."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon." (BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!)
Lisa: "What was that!?"
Rick: (Picks up phone) "GMP HQ? I'd like to report an intruder poking around my garbage."

BSS Foreman: "Shot AGAIN, Mister Kyle? That's what, the fifth time this month? Your worker's comp and health insurance are wearing thin..."
Lynn Kyle:(patching bullet wound in his arm) "...I swear, if I didn't have my gambling debts to pay off, I'd never have taken this crummy garbage job..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Rick: "I'll be right back, Hon." (BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!)
Lisa: "What was that!?"
Rick: (Picks up phone) "GMP HQ? I'd like to report an intruder poking around my garbage."

BSS Foreman: "Shot AGAIN, Mister Kyle? That's what, the fifth time this month? Your worker's comp and health insurance are wearing thin..."
Lynn Kyle:(patching bullet wound in his arm) "...I swear, if I didn't have my gambling debts to pay off, I'd never have taken this crummy garbage job..."

Lynn Kyle: "I so hate this job..."
BSS Foreman: "I got an even nicer one for you. Seems Breetai's toilet is having some issues. Guess who gets to go fix it?"
Lynn Kyle:

The BioSanitation Squad, the REAL reason the ASC developed MDC armour.

"Normally we'd assign that other guy...whatzhisname? Edwards? to the job, but he's not been answering his phone and missed his assigned shift. That's gonna cost him; he's in violation of his probation."
Kyle: "(fume) rat bastard...I'm cleaning up -his-messes while he skips town, the lazy @$$...."

"We can cut off this part here already....all it would do is char and burn..."(snick-snick-snick)

As the "Girls?" discuss the next step in their meal preparations. Edwards manages to shift position and hit speed dial on his phone.

Nova: "GMP. Lt. Satori here. What's your emergency?"

Edwards: "Mmmmph!!!"

Nova: "What?"

Edwards: "Mmmmph!!!"

Nova: "Great! Just what I need another prank call! I hope your happy with yourself Stirling!!!"

#CLICK!#

Edwards: "Mmmmph!!!"

Komodo:((from nearby desk) "Don't we usually call in an orbital strike on crank calls?"
Nova: "No budget for it anymore and the collateral damage insurance was getting too steep."

Lisa Clone #1: "And so, this meal is finally ready to be cooked!"
Edwards: (Sobbing hysterically at this point)
Lisa Clone #2: "Mallet please..."
Lisa Clone #3: "Oh, dangit! The oven's not working! What do we do!?"
Lisa Clone #1: "Sushi, anyone?"

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa Clone #1: "And so, this meal is finally ready to be cooked!"
Edwards: (Sobbing hysterically at this point)
Lisa Clone #2: "Mallet please..."
Lisa Clone #3: "Oh, dangit! The oven's not working! What do we do!?"
Lisa Clone #1: "Sushi, anyone?"

Lisa Clone #2: "I'll get the chainsaw...."

SRoss wrote:The BioSanitation Squad, the REAL reason the ASC developed MDC armour.

taalismn wrote:"Normally we'd assign that other guy...whatzhisname? Edwards? to the job, but he's not been answering his phone and missed his assigned shift. That's gonna cost him; he's in violation of his probation."
Kyle: "(fume) rat bastard...I'm cleaning up -his-messes while he skips town, the lazy @$$...."

"We can cut off this part here already....all it would do is char and burn..."(snick-snick-snick)

SRoss wrote:As the "Girls?" discuss the next step in their meal preparations. Edwards manages to shift position and hit speed dial on his phone.

Nova: "GMP. Lt. Satori here. What's your emergency?"

Edwards: "Mmmmph!!!"

Nova: "What?"

Edwards: "Mmmmph!!!"

Nova: "Great! Just what I need another prank call! I hope your happy with yourself Stirling!!!"

#CLICK!#

Edwards: "Mmmmph!!!"

taalismn wrote:Komodo:((from nearby desk) "Don't we usually call in an orbital strike on crank calls?"
Nova: "No budget for it anymore and the collateral damage insurance was getting too steep."

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa Clone #1: "And so, this meal is finally ready to be cooked!"
Edwards: (Sobbing hysterically at this point)
Lisa Clone #2: "Mallet please..."
Lisa Clone #3: "Oh, dangit! The oven's not working! What do we do!?"
Lisa Clone #1: "Sushi, anyone?"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa Clone #1: "And so, this meal is finally ready to be cooked!"
Edwards: (Sobbing hysterically at this point)
Lisa Clone #2: "Mallet please..."
Lisa Clone #3: "Oh, dangit! The oven's not working! What do we do!?"
Lisa Clone #1: "Sushi, anyone?"

Lisa Clone #2: "I'll get the chainsaw...."

"Remember; the soy sauce goes on AFTER you cut him up. We don't want splatter all over the place."

taalismn wrote:"Remember; the soy sauce goes on AFTER you cut him up. We don't want splatter all over the place."

Should we let him shoke over night?

Alpha 11 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Remember; the soy sauce goes on AFTER you cut him up. We don't want splatter all over the place."

Should we let him shoke over night?

Nah...too much marinading and you lose that fresh raw taste.

Edwards: (Waking up) "GYAAAHHHHH!!!! It was a dream, a horrible dream!!"
Lisa Clone #1: "No. We're still trying to cook you. You just passed out"
Edwards: "NNNNOOOOOO!!!"

Things You Don't Wanna Hear From Your Robotechnologist:

"I have no idea what I'm doing."
"You want me to do WHAT? How the hell am I supposed to do that?!"
"I'll get back to you on that...."
"My engineering degree's really in dentistry."
"I'm retiring today..."
"Fix it yourself, lardass!"
"Let me get some contract bids on that..."
"My previous experience with this stuff? Making plastic models!"
"Let me spell it out for you; we're SOL...$#!+ outta luck."
"Well, we do that there's a maybe 90% chance of ripping a hole in the space-time continiuum, but hey, let's do it!"
"Yes, I can do it...as soon as I sober up."
"We can do it, but I'm going to have to sacrifice some virgins to pull it off."
"Oh $#!+, I forgot to carry the one!"
(as the system is activating) "Yeah, it was easy to do, once I divided by zero..."
"I got a sweet deal on some aftermarket parts for this!"
"You kept the reciept, didn't you? Because I don't work without seeing a reciept first..."
"Oh wow, you mean this all is powered by some alien FLOWER? That is SO crazy!"
"Yeah, I put it back together! Even had some parts left over!"
"Yeah, we saved you some weight after we removed some of the armor!"
"Now, we haven't actually TESTED it yet..."

"Uummm...that was the self-destruct button...oops!"
"We need another volunteer...we still can't find what's left of the other one!"
"Well, it was right there a minute ago!"
"You wanted a safety mechanism on that!? Now you tell me."
"We need a clean-up crew down here ASAP...and more volunteers!"

"Of COURSE it's perfectly safe!"
"This thing is certified 100% idiot-proof!"
"It is the child of my genius! It CANNOT fail!"
"It's indestructible!"
"It's safe. Just don't think of blue flamingos while you're using it."
"Well, it DID fry the brains of the last ten people who tested it, but it should be safe to use now!"
"Sure you can use it! Just sign this waiver first..."