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taalismn wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:[

Man if you get hit that many times, you aught to get some type of tracer device and backtrack to were the call is coming from then give it to the police. Though I wouldn't be surprised it such a device is illegal for you to own.

I threatened the meatpuppet on the other end with exactly that...that's where the 'Go ahead, I can't be beat' comes from; the little jerk(s) are usually calling from overseas, so backtracing is useless. The countries these scammers call from don't have strong anti-fraud laws and no real incentive to cooperate with the Americans in hunting down the only growth industries they have. The best you can hope for is to spot them on caller ID, and spread the word about them to anybody you think might be susceptible.

I'm surprised you haven't been hit at some time or other.

Other clues that you're being scammed?
-If you pick up the phone on the first or second ring and nobdy answers immediately. Maybe you get a hiss and a click as the automated message on the other end tries to reset, or the living operator takes too long to talk to you.. They're likely dialing several phones simultaneously to see if they can get a warm body on the other end on at least one of the,.
- The guy doesn't ask for anybody specific, nor does he ID himself personally.
-Listen for the sound of a crowded room in the background. Odds are it's a recording meant to give the impression of a busy professional office
-He'll stick to his script, no matter what you say that contradicts him.

Little Snuzzles wrote:

taalismn wrote:Other clues that you're being scammed?
-If you pick up the phone on the first or second ring and nobdy answers immediately. Maybe you get a hiss and a click as the automated message on the other end tries to reset, or the living operator takes too long to talk to you.. They're likely dialing several phones simultaneously to see if they can get a warm body on the other end on at least one of the,.

This happens all the time. I know at least 30 people (including myself) who've gotten hit with that crap multiple times. I tried to get the FCC & my phone company to track them down -- the calls were coming from Washington DC area -- and they finally determined that someone had:

A) Bought 500 disposable phones, each with a pre-paid 1 year contract.
B) Rigged them all up to auto-dialers, and systematically hit city after city.

There were already something like 5000 complaints on file with the FCC about the same issue. In the end, nothing could be done. Translation: this is such a low priority for us that we don't honestly give a crap; we've got bigger fish to fry, pal.

So when I start getting those (usually it's about once a year), I just mark the number as something insulting and set it not to ring when that # calls.

I'll tell you what else: During the last national election, I got calls from at least 20 different numbers, each representing a different political postion, including that of the office of the Big Cheese. But I've never made any calls to political organizations nor given my number to them, so I wonder how much they paid to buy my contract information from the carrier. It's this kind of abuse, for no other reason than advertising purposes, that is quite irritating, I must say. Ethics seems to be a thing of the distant past.

taalismn wrote:

Little Snuzzles wrote:[

I'll tell you what else: During the last national election, I got calls from at least 20 different numbers, each representing a different political postion, including that of the office of the Big Cheese. But I've never made any calls to political organizations nor given my number to them, so I wonder how much they paid to buy my contract information from the carrier. It's this kind of abuse, for no other reason than advertising purposes, that is quite irritating, I must say. Ethics seems to be a thing of the distant past.

You must be a political swing zone...we hardly got any political calls(mainly because I'm a registered Independent and therefore lumped with 'hippie political fringe freaks')). Legit PR firms still have to abide by the 'do not call' lists, but the loophole is robo-calling, since they can always claim their systems went errant*, and of course the scammers don't give a flaming huwaggi.

*I have nightmares about walking down the street, hearing an all-too-familiar voice behind me and automatically wreaking grievous bodily harm on the wretch who recorded a damn robo-call('phone rage' is not a permissible legal defense).

As for ethics in advertising? I'd make the claim that a careful study of history shows that from the age of snake oil onwards, there ain't EVER been an Ethical Age of Advertising. The communications boom just allows them to annoy people quicker and in more places.

Good Day,

My name is Mrs. Sakura Kenshin the owner and C.E.O of SAKURA SEA FOOD LTD, in Cambodia and Japan. I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to you. For charitable goals.

If you feel for me and you want to help me to carry out my wishes. kindly Contact my lawyer through this email address ( ) or you can call his private Line ( ) if you are interested in carrying out this task, My lawyer's name is Barrister PICH MUNNY. I know I have never met you but my mind instincts me to do this through you, and i hope you act sincerely with passion.

Please make sure you contact my lawyer because i will not be available to respond to your mail.

Thank you and God bless you.

Mrs. Sakura Kenshin.

SRoss wrote:Louie Nichols was interrupted from his tenth consecutive World of Tanks victory, much easier since he hacked Wargamings servers to allow him to use the Pupal Pistol, by his smart phone ringing.

Louie: "Hello?"

*Sound of African singing.*

Louie: (Going into his phone apps) "So that's the way you want to play it."

Sparks: "Sir! Kenya just exploded!!!"

SRoss wrote:Ariel was interrupted from her Cat Planet Cuties marathon by the ping of an incoming email.

Good Day,

My name is Mrs. Sakura Kenshin the owner and C.E.O of SAKURA SEA FOOD LTD, in Cambodia and Japan. I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to you. For charitable goals.

If you feel for me and you want to help me to carry out my wishes. kindly Contact my lawyer through this email address ( ) or you can call his private Line ( ) if you are interested in carrying out this task, My lawyer's name is Barrister PICH MUNNY. I know I have never met you but my mind instincts me to do this through you, and i hope you act sincerely with passion.

Please make sure you contact my lawyer because i will not be available to respond to your mail.

Thank you and God bless you.

Mrs. Sakura Kenshin.

Ariel: "PICH MUNNY? Seriously? I may be only two years old, but I wasn't born yesterday."

Ariel dials the number, and PICH MUNNY, or more accurately, the man pretending to be him picks up the phone. His sudden shock at being teleported is brief as he reappears on the surface of the Sun.

In case you're wondering, yes, this was an actual email I once received, the only difference from the real email was I have deleted the phone number and email address. And of course, I sadly can't teleport the sender to the Sun.

taalismn wrote:(RTSC: Moon Base ALUCE Wardroom scene: Marcus takes Scott out for a drink)
Scott: (looking at drink Marcus has just poured for him) "Marcus, what is this stuff?"
Marcus: "Perytonian Liquid Roulette."
Scott: "That name alone warms me with confidence, so against my better judgement I'm going to ask why it's called that."
Marcus: "Nine out of ten drinkers lapse into a coma after the first glass of the stuff."
Scott: "And the tenth?"
Alex: "Spontaneously explodes."
Scott: (staring at glass)"...oh what the hell, at the risk of preemptive retconning, I'm going to be downing fresh Flower of Life juice on a regular basis, this doesn't seem to bad. Bottoms up!"

taalismn wrote:Marcus, Alex, Maia, and Louie are all staring at Scott, who's just downed a PLR.
Marcus: (sweating) "He downed the whole thing! And he's still conscious!"
Alex: (wide-eyed) "And he hasn't exploded either!"
Maia: (cautiously) "It's been over a minute....can't be delayed effect, can it?"
Louie: (with a tremble to his voice) "Could he be...could he be The One?"
Scott:(puts down his glass and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand) "...ahhh! That hit the spot! Thanks gu-*BAAARRRRPPPPPPP*
The whole room goes quiet as POV draws back to show Marcus, Alex, Maia, and Louie all 'sootified'(i.e. all black but for their eyes), hair blasted back, and their outlines clearly visible in the discolored paint on the wall behind them. Marcus's eyes are wobbling around, Louie's goggles are discolored, and after a moment, Alex tips over and falls to the ground with a 'thud!'.
Scott: "Ah..pardon me..."

Arnie100 wrote:Louie: "It's HIM!!!"
Maia: "EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!! GGGGRRROOOSSSS!! And I just ATE!"
Alex: (Falls on floor) "Mighty One, command me!"
Marcus: (Looking at Maia) "If he can gross out Maia, he HAS to be The ONE!"
Scott:

taalismn wrote:Scott: "I can see that behavioral standards have nosedived since I left with the Mars Division....."

taalismn wrote:Scott: "I can see that behavioral standards have nosedived since I left with the Mars Division....."

taalismn wrote:Reasons Not to Drink that Strange Drink Your Friends Just Introduced You To:
*They won’t tell you what’s in it.
*They don’t KNOW what’s in it.
*They offer it to you FIRST.
*The club band starts up a funeral dirge when your glass is poured.
*The bottle cap has a coded lock on it.
*The label states “NOT INTENDED FOR INTERNAL USE”
*Your personal dosimeter goes black near it.
*The head of foam upon pouring forms a mushroom cloud.
*Everybody else leaves the room in a hurry when the bottle appears.
*It glows.
*The opening of the bottle is accompanied by a fall of dead insects around you.
*The bartender takes cover behind sandbags and steel plate.
*The bottle has the emergency medical hotline number on it.
*The label has first aid instructions on it.
*The label has biohazard markings on it.
*The table is smoking where the drink spilled on it.
*Your friends advise you to drink it quick ‘before it eats through the bottom of the glass’.
*The environmental hazard alarms go off when you open the bottle.
*Something just surfaced in it.
*It came out of a wrecked/derelict ship and has never seen quarantine.
*The bottle hisses when you shake it.

SRoss wrote:[

*Not even the BioSanitation Squad will get near it.

taalismn wrote:Reasons Not to Drink that Strange Drink Your Friends Just Introduced You To:
*They won’t tell you what’s in it.
*They don’t KNOW what’s in it.
*They offer it to you FIRST.
*The club band starts up a funeral dirge when your glass is poured.
*The bottle cap has a coded lock on it.
*The label states “NOT INTENDED FOR INTERNAL USE”
*Your personal dosimeter goes black near it.
*The head of foam upon pouring forms a mushroom cloud.
*Everybody else leaves the room in a hurry when the bottle appears.
*It glows.
*The opening of the bottle is accompanied by a fall of dead insects around you.
*The bartender takes cover behind sandbags and steel plate.
*The bottle has the emergency medical hotline number on it.
*The label has first aid instructions on it.
*The label has biohazard markings on it.
*The table is smoking where the drink spilled on it.
*Your friends advise you to drink it quick ‘before it eats through the bottom of the glass’.
*The environmental hazard alarms go off when you open the bottle.
*Something just surfaced in it.
*It came out of a wrecked/derelict ship and has never seen quarantine.
*The bottle hisses when you shake it.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:Scott: "I can see that behavioral standards have nosedived since I left with the Mars Division....."

"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:Reasons Not to Drink that Strange Drink Your Friends Just Introduced You To:
*They won’t tell you what’s in it.
*They don’t KNOW what’s in it.
*They offer it to you FIRST.
*The club band starts up a funeral dirge when your glass is poured.
*The bottle cap has a coded lock on it.
*The label states “NOT INTENDED FOR INTERNAL USE”
*Your personal dosimeter goes black near it.
*The head of foam upon pouring forms a mushroom cloud.
*Everybody else leaves the room in a hurry when the bottle appears.
*It glows.
*The opening of the bottle is accompanied by a fall of dead insects around you.
*The bartender takes cover behind sandbags and steel plate.
*The bottle has the emergency medical hotline number on it.
*The label has first aid instructions on it.
*The label has biohazard markings on it.
*The table is smoking where the drink spilled on it.
*Your friends advise you to drink it quick ‘before it eats through the bottom of the glass’.
*The environmental hazard alarms go off when you open the bottle.
*Something just surfaced in it.
*It came out of a wrecked/derelict ship and has never seen quarantine.
*The bottle hisses when you shake it.

*Not even the BioSanitation Squad will get near it.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:[

*Not even the BioSanitation Squad will get near it.

* There's police warning tape wrapped around the bottle.

Arnie100 wrote:Reasons Not to Drink that Strange Drink Your Friends Just Introduced You To:

*The bartender dons a hazmat suit when he pulls out the bottle
*Everyone ducks under cover
*The bartender makes you sign about a hundred pages of disclaimers
*Everyone flees the bar
*The drink moves under its own power
*Annie drinks it like kool aid wirh no effects WHATSOEVER
*The bartender pulls out a coffin after he pours the drink
*There's a guy in black with a scythe sitting next to you
*The drink has a biohazard sign for a label
*The drink was made by the Umbrella Corporation
*The drink pours itself

glitterboy2098 wrote:*there are enough X's on the bottle that it could pass as an adult film..

taalismn wrote:*The bomb disposal team is called to remove the empties.

SRoss wrote:*Annie mixed the drink.

taalismn wrote:*Lisa's having it sent to Edwards.

Arnie100 wrote:*Nobody knows what's exactly in the drink
*The drink bubbles and steams
*Several persons of different faiths come out and start saying last rites
*Why is that dude with the scythe still hanging around?!
*A mortician starts measuring you

taalismn wrote:* You have the distinct impression, as you stare at the bottle, that it is staring back at you.

DhAkael wrote:*The side real universe shakes like a richter 8 earthquake has hit everything when you take your first sip.
*The weeping angels actually weep for you when you blink after taking your first sip.
*C'thullhu has it listed under proscribed substances not to be consumed by his cult.
*The Regis thinks it tastes "refreshing".

taalismn wrote:*The cork snarls at you when you reach for the bottle.
*The label lettering swims and changes as you try to read it.
*The bottle visibly expands and contracts like it's breathing.

Arnie100 wrote:Ghost Edwards: (Looking at own body) "This isn't FAIR!! I just had that body newly cloned and I din't even get any action with it!"
Ghost Roy: "Welcome back, Edwards! I knew you wouldn't last long back in the real world!"
Ghost Edwards: "Oh, just shut UP..."

Arnie100 wrote:G. Edwards: "This SUCKS. Not only no ACTION, but every person you thought you got rid of is here, too!"

taalismn wrote:"Drink for General Edwards! From a 'female admirer'!"
Edwards: "Well, I can't turn down a drink ordered for me by a gracious female admirer, can I?"
(not far away)
Lisa: "Oh, I admire how your arrogance blinds you to obvious danger...."
Bartender: "You do realize you're paying for the clean-up?"
Lisa: "It will be TOTALLY worth it..."

Arnie100 wrote:Ghost Edwards: (Looking at own body) "This isn't FAIR!! I just had that body newly cloned and I din't even get any action with it!"
Ghost Roy: "Welcome back, Edwards! I knew you wouldn't last long back in the real world!"
Ghost Edwards: "Oh, just shut UP..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Ghost Edwards: (Looking at own body) "This isn't FAIR!! I just had that body newly cloned and I din't even get any action with it!"
Ghost Roy: "Welcome back, Edwards! I knew you wouldn't last long back in the real world!"
Ghost Edwards: "Oh, just shut UP..."

G. Edwards: "The last I remember of live was feeling like somebody had punched me in the face!"
G. Roy: "And your first memory of the afterlife was getting punch in the face, right?"
G. Edwards: "Right! What do you know about that?"
G. Roy: (winding up) "That you're going to have a lot of memories of being pummeled..."

Arnie100 wrote:G. Edwards: "This SUCKS. Not only no ACTION, but every person you thought you got rid of is here, too!"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:G. Edwards: "This SUCKS. Not only no ACTION, but every person you thought you got rid of is here, too!"

Ghost: "Hello there, Edwards!"*POW*
(smacks G. Edwards with a hockey stick)
G.Edwards: "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?! AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
Ghost: "Tony Egnokoski, from fifth grade. That was for hitting me with a hockey stick!"
G. Edwards: "FIFTH GRADE?! I never killed anybody in fifth grade...though I do have fond memories of sticking a lot of people...."
G. Egnokoski: "You busted my shin, ruined my balance. Took me weeks to walk straight again. Thirty years later I tripped and fell and broke my neck on account of bad balance problems and that old injury!"
G. Edwards: "...that's kinda pushing it, reason-wise, in order to hit me..."
G. Egnokoski: "Lets me sleep nights. You got this coming."(raises hockey tick for another strike)
G. Edwards: "...i'm gonna have a lot of this sort of thing, aren't I?"


Well, I'm off for a week's vacation, so see you in seven or so days....

Alpha 11 wrote:
Vacation?!? Your not allowed to go on vacation!

taalismn wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:
Vacation?!? Your not allowed to go on vacation!

Humor's hard work! And berserk stress-induced homicidal rages may be cheap to initiate, but expensive to clean up after! Besides. think of this as the opportunity to step forward and dazzle everybody with your own fresh material! The stage is yours!

taalismn wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:
Vacation?!? Your not allowed to go on vacation!

Humor's hard work! And berserk stress-induced homicidal rages may be cheap to initiate, but expensive to clean up after! Besides. think of this as the opportunity to step forward and dazzle everybody with your own fresh material! The stage is yours!

Arnie100 wrote:G. Edwards: ""One of the posters on thia forum is gping on a VACATION?! YES!! Maybe I'll --" (POW!!!!)
Ghost: "Arlene Richardson, you ditched me on prom night!" (Waving hockey stick)
G. Edwards: "Oh; come ON..."

Alrik Vas wrote:Edward's Ghost is pummeled into fine, mincy bits, stepped on, burned and finally tossed into the great Reflex Furnace in the sky by all those he has wronged in life.

Sometime later, or perhaps never...

Edwards: [waking up in a strange place] What...what happened?

[looking around he is surrounded by CD's, posters, dolls, life sized cut outs, body pillows and "real dolls" all in the visage of Lynn Minmei.]

Edwards' Ghost's Ghost:[Terror grips his face, for he now knows even his ghost has died] NOOOOOOO!!!

SRoss wrote:Satan: (Incredulously) "DAMN LISA! AND I THOUGHT I WAS EVIL!!!"

Lisa: (Slipping her drink) "You have to appreciate the little things."

Arnie100 wrote:Ghost of Ghost Edwards: "Damn! How'd I get down HERE!?"
Satan: "You've been very naughty..."
Ghost of Ghost Edwards: " "So I tried to take over the universe and kill my enemies! Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?!"
Satan: "The problem is...you FAILED! Now you'll spwnd the rest of eternity here!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Ghost of Ghost Edwards: "I have THESE! (Showing pics of nudeinmei)"
Satan: "Perhaps, we CAN make a deal..."

Arnie100 wrote:Ghost of Ghost Edwards: "Damn! How'd I get down HERE!?"
Satan: "You've been very naughty..."
Ghost of Ghost Edwards: " "So I tried to take over the universe and kill my enemies! Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?!"
Satan: "The problem is...you FAILED! Now you'll spwnd the rest of eternity here!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Ghost of Ghost Edwards: "I have THESE! (Showing pics of nudeinmei)"
Satan: "Perhaps, we CAN make a deal..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Ghost of Ghost Edwards: "Damn! How'd I get down HERE!?"
Satan: "You've been very naughty..."
Ghost of Ghost Edwards: " "So I tried to take over the universe and kill my enemies! Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?!"
Satan: "The problem is...you FAILED! Now you'll spwnd the rest of eternity here!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Ghost of Ghost Edwards: "I have THESE! (Showing pics of nudeinmei)"
Satan: "Perhaps, we CAN make a deal..."

Satan: "...You can get out of here if you can get HER out of here."
(gestures at...as she steps from behind a pillar of flame...nude succubus Minmei)
Edwards: "COME TO MAMA! I CAN DO TH*IRK!*"
(Stares down at where Succubus Minmei has run him through the pelvis with what looks like a demonic hedge-trimmer)
G. Edwards: "..no even the shadow of the ghost of mini-me has died..."(starts bawling)
S-Minmei: "Now about trying to hustle me out of here, goat-boy? Am I going to have to whack you through all level levels in front of everybody? Well?"
Satan: (sweating) "...er, no, that won't be necessary..."

SRoss wrote:Ghost of Ghost of Ghost of Edwards: "Whats that light?"

The wheel of Karma turns...

Edwards is amazed to find himself in a new body ... Then he looked in the mirror.

Lynn Kyle: (Looking worriedly at his reflection) "Oh boy!"

Arnie100 wrote:Kyle: "What did I do to deserve this?!"
S-Minmei: "Do you want me to go into DETAIL?"

taalismn wrote:True Hell:
Edwards-As-Kyle: (coming to) "Okay...where am I? THis all looks familiar somehow...wait...this is the hospital in my old command compound...on Tirol...where I kept Minmei...and where I killed that yutz Kyle...and...gotta find a mirror...yep...I'm Kyle...."
(he hears a familiar female sound behind him and is about to turn around when the door bursts open under the assault of several heavily armed men in all-too-familiar uniforms, followed by a VERY familiar man)
Edwards-As-Kyle:(seeing himself) "...okay...this could be awkward..."

Arnie100 wrote:Kyle-As-Edwards: (Cackling like a maniac) "It's KYLE! SHOOT HIM!!!"
Edwards-As-Kyle: "This is SOOOO gonna hurt..."

taalismn wrote:Edwards-as-Edwards: "Dispose of this piece of trash."
Edwards-as-Kyle: "This is giving new meaning to hating myself..."

taalismn wrote:Edwards-as-Edwards: "Dispose of this piece of trash."
Edwards-as-Kyle: "This is giving new meaning to hating myself..."

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Edwards-as-Edwards: "Dispose of this piece of trash."
Edwards-as-Kyle: "This is giving new meaning to hating myself..."

Edwards-As-Kyle: "Reincarnation SUCKS."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:Edwards-as-Edwards: "Dispose of this piece of trash."
Edwards-as-Kyle: "This is giving new meaning to hating myself..."

Edwards-As-Kyle: "Reincarnation SUCKS."

Edwards-As-Cockroach-Squashed-Under-Edwards-As-Kyle's-Boot: "...tell me about it...."