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taalismn wrote:Scott: "Lunk! Remember! HYDRATION!"

taalismn wrote:Marcus: "Hello, Lieutenant Sterl---Dear. GOD."
Maia: "Go ahead. Get it out of your system. NOW."
Marcus: "...isn't that taking breast enlargement to an extreme...?"
Maia: "Very, Funny. Ha. Ha. No, this is some idiot engineer's idea of a a new integrated self-inflating pneumatic neck brace, head support, and life preserver for our flight suits...and I just discovered the trigger mechanism!"
Marcus: "and...?"
Maia: "I can't find the deflate mechanism."
Marcus: "Should be easy enough! Just poke it he-"
*BLAM*

Maia: "Marcus...how would you like me to write this up? Assault on a superior officer? Temporary insanity on your part? Or congenital stupidity?"

taalismn wrote:Jean Grant: "Maia! What happened to your flight suit?! It looks like it POPPED off of y-"
Maia: "Wardrobe malfunction."
Jean: "Wardrobe malfunction?"
Maia: "...assisted by another major malfunction."
Jean: "...oh."
Maia: "Marcus Rush might be heading over to your sick bay to get his jaw put back in joint."
Jean: "...okay..."
Maia: "...provided he can still get his legs under him after the ass-kicking he got with them."

Louie: "Dear god. Mister Rush, she actually used your own legs to beat you with?"
Marcus: "....yessshhhh...mohw helfmwee geth da schikdah!"

Arnie100 wrote:Louie: "Speak up, man! Oh, wait...your foot's in your mouth...never mind!"

Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: "I think we might have a family recipe for dinosaurs..."

taalismn wrote:"Okay, I'll admit that raiding the Genesis Pit for Thanksgiving turned out to be a surprisingly good idea, and cooking the dinosaur carcass with a flamethrower didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would....but anybody given any thought to how we're going to deal with the leftovers?"

Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: "I think we might have a family recipe for dinosaurs..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: "I think we might have a family recipe for dinosaurs..."

<BR abp="740"><BR abp="741">Any number of explanations for this...everything from genetic memory dating back to Lynn Thang, to a Lynn being the Asian cook on any number of expeditions to 'Lost Lands'. It's also rumored that a Lynn helped cook the last dodo.

taalismn wrote:"Note to self: teaching full-size Zentraedi the fine art of barbecue should, in the future, not be performed without donning a full suit of firefighting EBA, and having the students first read 'Introduction to Demolitions Safety'."

taalismn wrote:"Note to self: teaching full-size Zentraedi the fine art of barbecue should, in the future, not be performed without donning a full suit of firefighting EBA, and having the students first read 'Introduction to Demolitions Safety'."

taalismn wrote:"Note to self: teaching full-size Zentraedi the fine art of barbecue should, in the future, not be performed without donning a full suit of firefighting EBA, and having the students first read 'Introduction to Demolitions Safety'."

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Note to self: teaching full-size Zentraedi the fine art of barbecue should, in the future, not be performed without donning a full suit of firefighting EBA, and having the students first read 'Introduction to Demolitions Safety'."

Might want to put a Water Spout destroid on stand-by as well.

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Note to self: teaching full-size Zentraedi the fine art of barbecue should, in the future, not be performed without donning a full suit of firefighting EBA, and having the students first read 'Introduction to Demolitions Safety'."

<BR abp="790"><BR abp="791">"Another note to self: Remind the Zentraedi that the Genesis Pits are not the safest places for grocery shopping! Must bring fully-armed mecha at all times!"

taalismn wrote:"Rick, remember when we'd take bets on where Miriya would launch her hibachi?"<BR abp="738">"Yes, I'm betting Breetai hits one of the Jovian moons."

taalismn wrote:'Well, that was either a refinery explosion...or Breetai was trying out his George Foeman Grill again..."

taalismn wrote:"Lord Khyron, I'm pretty sure that's not how one is supposed to cook a 'hot dog'."
"Shut up, Grel, and get me more of this 'napalm'! Oh, and get me some more bandages and burn ointment."

Arnie100 wrote:Maintenance worker #1: "What's that smell??"<BR abp="788">Maintenance worker #2: "I don't know...but it's coming from Lord Khyron's quarters..."<BR abp="789">Maintenance worker #1: "Well, one of us has to go in there and clean it!"<BR abp="790">Maintenance worker #2: "LOOK! It's Azonia NAKED!!"<BR abp="791">Maintenance worker #1: "What?! Where? Awww...dammit." (As he sees his partner running down the corridor)

taalismn wrote:"Lord Khyron, I'm pretty sure 'schneitzel' doesn't have either ballistic or incendiary qualities...or isn't SUPPOSED to."<BR abp="737">"Shut up, Grel, and get me another truck of the stuff! I'm sure I'm close to mastering this infernal Micronian skill!"

taalismn wrote:"This reminds me of the time, Khyron, you were trying to figure out the ballistic properties of a Minmei."
"Good times, Grel...good times...."

taalismn wrote:"Sir, I believe that micronians cook this fashion OUTDOORS."
"We tried that already, Grel. That's why the FIRST grill melted its way through the icecap..."
"We may wish to consider trying that again, sir. The life support air scrubbers are getting a bit...overtaxed...from your last attempt at burgers."

Arnie100 wrote:(Suddenly the door kicks open and an Excalibur with flamethrowers stomp into the room)<BR abp="1098"><BR abp="1099">Minmei: "I haven't forgotten that incident, Khyron! You wanna learn about cooking? I'll teach you all you need to know... (Cackling evilly as she primes the flamethrowers)"<BR abp="1100">Khyron and Grel: "OH SH --!!!"

taalismn wrote:"You know, Grel, I was originally slated as Max Sterling."<BR abp="1021">"You were?!"<BR abp="1022">"Check the story development art. There I am in micronian uniform. Pretty handsome, too."<BR abp="1023">"But what happened?"<BR abp="1024">"Changing storyline. The SDF-1 was originally going to have a woman captain too. Guess who?"<BR abp="1025">"Minmei?"<BR abp="1026">"Nope. Misa Hayase, AKA Lisa Hayes herself. Yep, bold new ideas. Guess what, as well, originally the whole 'Miriya' storyline was going to have a MALE Zentraedi sneak aboard the fortress and fall in love with the ship's captain. Guess who was being tapped for THAT?"<BR abp="1027">"You mean...?!"<BR abp="1028">"Yep, me! Even had the uniform for my disguise and my eventual defection. I was really going for the whole story too, but then..."<BR abp="1029">"What?!"<BR abp="1030">"The betrayal..."<BR abp="1031">(Flashback)<BR abp="1032">(open)<BR abp="1033">shuffle-shuffle-shiffle<BR abp="1034">(slide)<BR abp="1035">(grope)<BR abp="1036">*Kiss*<BR abp="1037">"Hello, beautiful...ah, got a bit of hair on that upper lip, dear..."<BR abp="1038">"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my bed?!"<BR abp="1039">"AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!!! WHO ARE -YOU-?!!!!" <BR abp="1040">"I'm the captain of this ship, and you still haven't answered my question...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED WITHOUT PANTS?!" <BR abp="1041">(end flashback)<BR abp="1042">"...those bastards changed the script on me again without telling me! Bastards, bastards, bastards!" <BR abp="1043">"So, that's why...?"<BR abp="1044">"Yes, Grel, that's why I'm a mean-spirited psychopathic bastard that hates everything about Earth. They could have had my loyalty, they could have had stereotype-breaking originality, I could have gotten the girl, but instead they betrayed me! They humiliated me! They.....AUUUGHHHHHHH!!! Makes me just want to stomp ass!" <BR abp="1045">"It all makes so much sense now...."<BR abp="1046">"It does, doesn't it?"

Arnie100 wrote:Grel: "It still doesn't explain your lack of cooking skills."<BR abp="944">Khyron: "Shut up and pass the burn ointment! "

taalismn wrote:"Grel, I DO make a good 'baked Alaska'!"<BR abp="896">"And I'm sure the micronians appreciate it, sir..."

Arnie100 wrote:"Blasting Alaska from orbit doesn't count as a cooking skill, MiLord..."<BR abp="847">"But, Alaska DID get BAKED, Grel!"<BR abp="848">"I don't think that's what the micronians had in mind, MiLord! More burn ointment, MiLord?"

taalismn wrote:"It's strange, though, how only one region of their world shows up as 'cooked' in the micronian culture. 'Baked Alaska', heh...I haven't seen any other regions 'cooked' in their lore."<BR abp="798">"I'm sure, sir, that I saw somewhere that Paris had been plastered."

SRoss wrote:Gura Invid Lisa Clone #1: "SISTER'S FOR CHRISTMAS I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE HAM!!!" <BR abp="749"><BR abp="750">Several Gura Invid carry in a trussed up Khyron with a huge apple stuffed in his mouth.

SRoss wrote:Gura Invid Lisa Clone #1: "SISTER'S FOR CHRISTMAS I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE HAM!!!"

Several Gura Invid carry in a trussed up Khyron with a huge apple stuffed in his mouth.

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Gura Invid Lisa Clone #1: "SISTER'S FOR CHRISTMAS I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE HAM!!!"

Several Gura Invid carry in a trussed up Khyron with a huge apple stuffed in his mouth.

Lunk: "Thank God, they didn't think about me like that!"
Invid Princesses: "No, Lunky-Poo, you're DESSERT!!"
Lunk: "Mommy... "

SRoss wrote:Gero and Grell stare at a cylinder, its top slowly turning...

Grell: "What's this?"

Gero: "According to the humans, a portable cooking device..."

The top flops off and a massive tripod machine rises out of the cylinder.

UUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Grell: "Oh Crud!"

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "Come on...there's gotta be other alternatives, right? PLEASE?"
Lisa Gura Clones: (Looking at each other) "Nope!!"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:

SRoss wrote:Gura Invid Lisa Clone #1: "SISTER'S FOR CHRISTMAS I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE HAM!!!"

Several Gura Invid carry in a trussed up Khyron with a huge apple stuffed in his mouth.

Lunk: "Thank God, they didn't think about me like that!"
Invid Princesses: "No, Lunky-Poo, you're DESSERT!!"
Lunk: "Mommy... "

UEEF Supply Clerk: "So, why do you need a tanker full of whipped cream and a cherry?"

Invid Princess: "It's a Christmas surprise."

Lunk:

SRoss wrote:Gero and Grell stare at a cylinder, its top slowly turning...<BR abp="1285"><BR abp="1286">Grell: "What's this?"<BR abp="1287"><BR abp="1288">Gero: "According to the humans, a portable cooking device..."<BR abp="1289"><BR abp="1290">The top flops off and a massive tripod machine rises out of the cylinder.<BR abp="1291"><BR abp="1292">

UUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

<BR abp="1293"><BR abp="1294">Grell: "Oh Crud!"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Gero and Grell stare at a cylinder, its top slowly turning...<BR abp="1200"><BR abp="1201">Grell: "What's this?"<BR abp="1202"><BR abp="1203">Gero: "According to the humans, a portable cooking device..."<BR abp="1204"><BR abp="1205">The top flops off and a massive tripod machine rises out of the cylinder.<BR abp="1206"><BR abp="1207">

UUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

<BR abp="1208"><BR abp="1209">Grell: "Oh Crud!"

<BR abp="1210"><BR abp="1211"><BR abp="1212">Minmei: "You know, I got a recipe somewhere for sand-squid....Lynn family recipe from back in the late 1800s. I think one of my great grand-uncles had a business in London when he came up with it...Also had a recipe for 'red weed salad' that was supposed to be pretty good but the key ingredient's not been available for a century..."

taalismn wrote:"Ewww...look at this new cookbook: 'Cooking with T.R. Edwards', by Lisa Hunter!"

Arnie100 wrote:Lisa Gura Clone #1: "Sisters!! Mommy wrote a cookbook!!"<BR abp="1001">Lisa Gura Clone #2: "And the main ingredient... "<BR abp="1002">Edwards: "That's just not right!"<BR abp="1003">Lisa Gura Clone #3: (Sizing up Edwards the way one looks at a slice of prime rib) "Mmmmmm...tasty!"

taalismn wrote:"Take one T.R. Edwards, tenderize and marinade heavily with concrete blocks(use a large cement mixer, making sure to keep Edwards inside of it while tenderizing). Recommended time of at least six hours..."

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "Come on...there's gotta be other alternatives, right? PLEASE?"<BR abp="902">Lisa Gura Clones: (Looking at each other) "Nope!!"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "Come on...there's gotta be other alternatives, right? PLEASE?"<BR abp="848">Lisa Gura Clones: (Looking at each other) "Nope!!"

<BR abp="849"><BR abp="850">"Repeatedly stick the Edwards with a CADS blade to drain the blood. Repeat until the blade comes out clean..."

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "Come on...what about Lunk?? Surely he's got more meat on him?!"<BR abp="790">Invid Princesses: "Don't even think about Lunky-Poo like that!"<BR abp="791">Lunk: "Wwwhheeewww..."<BR abp="792">Invid Princesses: "Back to the whipped cream!!"

taalismn wrote:Khyron: "Thank you, Grel, for getting me off the menu of those...those CREATURES! I am, however I hate to admit it, in your debt!"<BR abp="739">Sammy: "Good! You can start paying it off by taking me out to dinner and a movie!"<BR abp="740">Khyron: "...why did I NOT see this coming?...."

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "Come on...what about Lunk?? Surely he's got more meat on him?!"
Invid Princesses: "Don't even think about Lunky-Poo like that!"
Lunk: "Wwwhheeewww..."
Invid Princesses: "Back to the whipped cream!!"