randomer item table

The Ruiner · Unread post by **The Ruiner** » Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:23 pm

29--Can o' Spinach--- You find an unopened and undamaged can of spinach. It's contents are edible. Consuming the spinach places a curse on the PC. Their forearms appear bulbous and increase in size by 4X their original diameter and are positively riddled with cancerous growths. The victims face contorts as his/her eyebrows and cheek muscles are forced into a permanant squinting expression which reduces vision (both sight distance and quality of vision) by 2D4 X 10 %. Speech is also impared and the victim can barely get a sentance out without stammering, stuttering, mumbleing and speaking in non-sensical "curse" words. The victim also aquires astonishing anger management issues, and is predisposed to fighting at any given opportunity.

The symptoms of this curse can be cured with a Remove Curse spell, but recieve a +1 to save for each malady. Also the symptoms can not be cured all at the same time, they must be cured individually.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:59 pm

30. The lil black book.
The acrid smell of burning flesh. The find a male body smoldering from the waist down. Shoved in his mouth is a small black book. Its contents the addresses and contact information for 700 females within a 250 mile radius. The last entry has Elaine. Freak. Wow. Married.

The Ruiner · Unread post by **The Ruiner** » Wed Jun 18, 2014 9:10 pm

Crud...I forgot to number my addition to the list. say652 I believe your submission should be #30.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Wed Jun 18, 2014 9:14 pm

The Ruiner wrote:Crud...I forgot to number my addition to the list. say652 I believe your submission should be #30.

I noticed. Randomer item etiquette demands you steal the unlabeled number. But I am kind lol.

The Ruiner · Unread post by **The Ruiner** » Thu Jun 19, 2014 3:26 am

Shouldn't there be a reduction to I.Q. as well?

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Thu Jun 19, 2014 9:36 am

I love going to Sephora

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 19, 2014 3:08 pm

32: Wristwatch---A cheap-looking wristwatch(complete with leather wrist band) that keeps fairly accurate time. However, if worn against bare flesh, an eye will open up in the watchface, and the wearer can actually look through the eye as if it was a part of them. Though obviously one can more easily look around corners with this, it's something of a gag-gift in Splynn.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 10:25 pm

33. A left sneaker. No foot inside just a left sneaker.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 10:32 pm

34. The Pin----A simple metal tack or pin, but it's the Proverbial Pin That Dropped; dropping it on the ground will cause a resounding boom and effects similar to a boomgun in a 200 ft radius.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Fri Jun 20, 2014 10:43 pm

35. A burned out husk of a 55 chevy Belair. First character to touch the car is swarmed by 1D4×100 paper wasps. No real effect if in environmental body armor, but potentially deadly otherwise.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:19 am

37.Michealangelo. mystic ninja level-15. Turtle.
The legendary orange masked turtle is sitting eating pizza. Signs an autograph for the the characters. Then promptly asks for 3.50$

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sat Jun 21, 2014 2:55 pm

39. teasmade-basically a runed version of a Victorian automatic tea service set! the spirit inhabiting it is a VERY proper English butler that speaks with a thick British accent!

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Jun 21, 2014 3:29 pm

40. Road-Mart.
A large discount shopping plaza. Inhabited by deformed mutants. All items are cheaply made.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Jun 21, 2014 7:48 pm

42. Purity.The players find a young maidens lost purity. Do they take it or return it??

The Oh So Amazing Nate · Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:34 pm

Let's keep it clean. There could be children reading this. Even if there aren't, I'm sure someone somewhere finds some of the posts to be in questionable taste.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:37 pm

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:Let's keep it clean. There could be children reading this. Even if there aren't, I'm sure someone somewhere finds some of the posts to be in questionable taste.

Wasn't trying to offend. My apologies.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sat Jun 21, 2014 11:39 pm

43. A large Stick in the mud. Try as they might the stick will not budge. Requires a Supernatural Strength of at least 200 to pull the stick out. And its just a normal birch stick.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jun 22, 2014 8:15 pm

say652 wrote:43. A large Stick in the mud. Try as they might the stick will not budge. Requires a Supernatural Strength of at least 200 to pull the stick out. And its just a normal birch stick.

Congratulations, you are now King of Mud!

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Sun Jun 22, 2014 9:27 pm

44. A cheese sandwich. Sitting off to the side of the road is a small brown paper bag. Its contents.....a cheese sandwich.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:28 am

say652 wrote:44. A cheese sandwich. Sitting off to the side of the road is a small brown paper bag. Its contents.....a cheese sandwich.

And what kind of cheese is it? Very important what kind. Your entire life can be changed by the wrong kind of cheese.

drewkitty ~..~ · Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:34 pm

45. A box with 1d6+4 small leather purses of powder (golfball sized).
When purses are tossed the explode covering the target. The power seals away the magic from the magic user for 1d100 years.

Nightfactory wrote:31. The Sephora Configuration - This ornately-crafted puzzle box can be physically manipulated by the owner in various ways so that some parts of it will rise up and move to a different position. There is a 01-40% chance per hour that the owner will eventually find the right configuration of the cube, opening a portal to a dimension filled with high-end make up products. If the portal is opened, 1D4 demonic women with big hair will appear, seize the owner, and give them a complete make-over, permanently increasing their PB by +5, but reducing their MA by -5. After this grueling process is over, the women will depart, magically removing $1000 from the owner's bank account.

Do the demonic women also sculpt the top of the victim's ears into points too? :lol:

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:14 pm

drewkitty ~..~ wrote:45. A box with 1d6+4 small leather purses of powder (golfball sized).
When purses are tossed the explode covering the target. The power seals away the magic from the magic user for 1d100 years.

Nightfactory wrote:31. The Sephora Configuration - This ornately-crafted puzzle box can be physically manipulated by the owner in various ways so that some parts of it will rise up and move to a different position. There is a 01-40% chance per hour that the owner will eventually find the right configuration of the cube, opening a portal to a dimension filled with high-end make up products. If the portal is opened, 1D4 demonic women with big hair will appear, seize the owner, and give them a complete make-over, permanently increasing their PB by +5, but reducing their MA by -5. After this grueling process is over, the women will depart, magically removing $1000 from the owner's bank account.

Do the demonic women also sculpt the top of the victim's ears into points too?

I know that after bringing my girl, the $1000 is quite true. Eyeliner and some chick doing her makeup!!
I am in the wrong industry. Lol

The Ruiner · Unread post by **The Ruiner** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 6:53 pm

taalismn wrote:
say652 wrote:44. A cheese sandwich. Sitting off to the side of the road is a small brown paper bag. Its contents.....a cheese sandwich.

And what kind of cheese is it? Very important what kind. Your entire life can be changed by the wrong kind of cheese.

It's a sandwich made entirely of spray cheese from a can......sharp cheddar flavor i believe.

Edit: I apparently forgot how to spell sandwich.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 8:49 pm

46. A pack of Freeport 100's menthol cigarettes. No lighter though.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:11 pm

47. A Lighter---Sadly, this is not a GI-issue "Reliable" Bic; it is a Self-Combustor. Anybody actually trying to use it will find a 1 ft radius of the lighter sprayed with lighter fluid, followed by an ignition spark. The resulting flash-burn will do 1d6 SDC, with a 60% chance of lighting combustible materials(clothing, hair, etc.) on fire.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:14 pm

taalismn wrote:47. A Lighter---Sadly, this is not a GI-issue "Reliable" Bic; it is a Self-Combustor. Anybody actually trying to use it will find a 1 ft radius of the lighter sprayed with lighter fluid, followed by an ignition spark. The resulting flash-burn will do 1d6 SDC, with a 60% chance of lighting combustible materials(clothing, hair, etc.) on fire.

*standing with singed eyebrows*
Dude!!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:34 pm

48. Stuffed Honeybadger----Stuffed for now, but wait another 2d6 hours and after digesting its current meal, it will be hungry again and happy to eat somebody's face off.

The Oh So Amazing Nate · Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:34 pm

drewkitty ~..~ wrote:45. A box with 1d6+4 small leather purses of powder (golfball sized).
When purses are tossed the explode covering the target. The power seals away the magic from the magic user for 1d100 years.

You will never defeat the dread mujumdaar for i have the antidote to your anti magic dust...A bath

drewkitty ~..~ · Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:40 pm

The Oh So Amazing Nate wrote:
drewkitty ~..~ wrote:45. A box with 1d6+4 small leather purses of powder (golfball sized).
When purses are tossed the explode covering the target. The power seals away the magic from the magic user for 1d100 years.

You will never defeat the dread mujumdaar for i have the antidote to your anti magic dust...A bath

I are mythtaken, even in The Bazar there is not any cure.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:45 pm

49. A preRifts comic book.
The adventuring party is on the cover. The contents their last adventure. And possibly a glimpse of there next adventure.

CyCo · Unread post by **CyCo** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 4:17 am

taalismn wrote:48. Stuffed Honeybadger----Stuffed for now, but wait another 2d6 hours and after digesting its current meal, it will be hungry again and happy to eat somebody's face off.

Honeybadger. Just had to share. And this guy is genuine. lol

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:18 pm

CyCo wrote:
taalismn wrote:48. Stuffed Honeybadger----Stuffed for now, but wait another 2d6 hours and after digesting its current meal, it will be hungry again and happy to eat somebody's face off.

Honeybadger. Just had to share. And this guy is genuine. lol

These things are unstoppable. One guy has a 'tame' honeybadger...'tame' being a relative term; the thing destroys his house on a regular basis. As a hobby, he's trying to keep it penned up. Thus far seven- foot high concrete walls haven't stopped the critter; it's learned how to pile branches in order to get high enough to climb over the obstacle. They're smart, they're strong, they're tenacious, and they're MEAN. Move over, Wolverine, if Africa ever got a superhero named Honeybadger, your adamantium skeleton's going to be a chewtoy.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:23 pm

I raised plenty of Racoons, at 20lbs its stronger than most people. And they are just scavengers.
Honey Badger. Yea I'm all set with those.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:38 pm

50. Hungry Honeybadger---What they're like when they're not stuffed. Not being around this random item is strongly advised.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:41 pm

51. Honey Bear.
A tall thin man wearing a purple wide brimmed hat and a white suit stands of to the side of the road.
"What it is"
"Jive Turkey"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:22 pm

52: GPS Direction Finder---The tutorial program on this data tablet promises you directions to any known place on Earth you'd care to go, provided you input as your starting point your more-or-less exact(within a mile) coordinates(like ' third house west of Survivor Boulevard and Apocalypse Drive' and not 'Old Maryland Territory'). It will refuse to give directions otherwise. If you DO input your starting point, the screen will provide a quick montage of superimposed geographical, radar-contour, and old pre-Rifts maps with what appears to be aerial/orbital video footage before locking on to the PC's present position. Then the Orbital Bombardment System opens fire, doing 1d4x100 MD to a 10 ft radius, centered on your position. If you were ever paranoid and obstinate about providing your home address to MapQuest or a librarian when asking for directions to somewhere, this either justifies that attitude, or it's karma making payback.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:27 pm

taalismn wrote:52: GPS Direction Finder---The tutorial program on this data tablet promises you directions to any known place on Earth you'd care to go, provided you input as your starting point your more-or-less exact(within a mile) coordinates(like ' third house west of Survivor Boulevard and Apocalypse Drive' and not 'Old Maryland Territory'). It will refuse to give directions otherwise. If you DO input your starting point, the screen will provide a quick montage of superimposed geographical, radar-contour, and old pre-Rifts maps with what appears to be aerial/orbital video footage before locking on to the PC's present position. Then the Orbital Bombardment System opens fire, doing 1d4x100 MD to a 10 ft radius, centered on your position. If you were ever paranoid and obstinate about providing your home address to MapQuest or a librarian when asking for directions to somewhere, this either justifies that attitude, or it's karma making payback.

I approve this message.
That is just evil, I like this one a whole lot. Imagine a lost adventuring party.
"Gps, we're saved!!"
Brakow!! Fzzzzzzzzzsssshhhh!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:36 pm

say652 wrote:
taalismn wrote:52: GPS Direction Finder---The tutorial program on this data tablet promises you directions to any known place on Earth you'd care to go, provided you input as your starting point your more-or-less exact(within a mile) coordinates(like ' third house west of Survivor Boulevard and Apocalypse Drive' and not 'Old Maryland Territory'). It will refuse to give directions otherwise. If you DO input your starting point, the screen will provide a quick montage of superimposed geographical, radar-contour, and old pre-Rifts maps with what appears to be aerial/orbital video footage before locking on to the PC's present position. Then the Orbital Bombardment System opens fire, doing 1d4x100 MD to a 10 ft radius, centered on your position. If you were ever paranoid and obstinate about providing your home address to MapQuest or a librarian when asking for directions to somewhere, this either justifies that attitude, or it's karma making payback.

I approve this message.
That is just evil, I like this one a whole lot. Imagine a lost adventuring party.
"Gps, we're saved!!"
Brakow!! Fzzzzzzzzzsssshhhh!

It's born of my real life experiences as a librarian...people ask for directions all the time and go on and on about how they have to get to this place(festival, dining place, etc.), but use Mapquest and ask them for a starting point? They clam up and refuse to give anything other than 'this (large) town/region'. Like I'm with the Politbureau, tracking their movements for the evil empire.
"Stay on the line a little longer, sir, while our Solarhell Satellite repositions for lock-on."
I've also, in a previous job, had people want to-the-door phonebook delivery, then they go mum when asked for their exact address, because they assume I'm somewhere at the head of a column of AT&T APCs and MBTs, just WAITING for the rebel scum to reveal themselves and we can move in to yank their illegal cable TV hookups.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:16 pm

53. Eight-Ball---A giant black and white solid sphere, 10 ft in diameter. It either has an enormous 'eight' or the sign for 'infinity' on it. Either way, don't get behind it.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:25 pm

54. Dimebag.
The spirit of one of the sickest guitarists ever is shredding on his guitar!!
Jamming with him is a 12 foot tall Viking on a monstrous axe shaped guitar.

Zer0 Kay · Unread post by **Zer0 Kay** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 2:49 pm

55- A randomer item table. Before you sits a large table with some sort of machine on it. You can only find one switch on it and when you flip it on a nozzle on the device starts extruding material onto an articulated platform after a couple minutes you can tell it is creating a 3d image.

Roll again. The item created is an exact replica of whatever item is rolled. It is inanimate, non functional, not alive, and besides looking like a fine rendition of the item provides no benefits or detriments whatsoever and the item is only a single color roll:
1 red
2 blue
3 yellow
4 black
5 green
6 pasty yellow, fluorescent green
After the device finishes the switch clacks loudly back to the o-f-f position. Flipping the switch again will create another item, roll again.
The item it produces is scaled so that it can be held, weighs no more than 5 lbs., and is 1d20 SDC
If the equipment is tampered with the circuit board becomes irreparably damaged and will cost 2,000,000 credits to procure a compatible pre rifts board.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:37 pm

56: Cleansing Booth---A device not unlike a photobooth, cheerily decorated and inscribed in several Galactic(Three Galaxies that is) languages, including passable English and Dragonese, and advertising 'an invigorating experience'. The credit counter seems to have been jimmied, so anybody stepping inside will be given a free 'an invigorating experience'. Roll to dodge(at -5 due to the close quarters) or spend the next 2d4 minutes being automatically stripped, tumbled, cut, trimmed, shaved, ablated, scrubbed, bodily orifice plumbed, moussed, rinsed, dried, manicured, and brushed. Those who manage to crawl out after this treatment will feel like they've been molested by a car wash, but also the cleanest they've ever felt. The booth can process about 1d4x10 people before it signals that its filters and supplies need to be changed.

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 8:26 pm

taalismn wrote:56: Cleansing Booth---A device not unlike a photobooth, cheerily decorated and inscribed in several Galactic(Three Galaxies that is) languages, including passable English and Dragonese, and advertising 'an invigorating experience'. The credit counter seems to have been jimmied, so anybody stepping inside will be given a free 'an invigorating experience'. Roll to dodge(at -5 due to the close quarters) or spend the next 2d4 minutes being automatically stripped, tumbled, cut, trimmed, shaved, ablated, scrubbed, bodily orifice plumbed, moussed, rinsed, dried, manicured, and brushed. Those who manage to crawl out after this treatment will feel like they've been molested by a car wash, but also the cleanest they've ever felt. The booth can process about 1d4x10 people before it signals that its filters and supplies need to be changed.

Molested by a carwash. Lmao. I dated a german girl once.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:19 pm

57: Giant Hamster Ball---Yep, it's a 10 ft diameter giant plastic hamster ball, currently unoccupied. Has about 100 MDC too. Wanna go for a run?

drewkitty ~..~ · Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:50 pm

taalismn wrote:57: Giant Hamster Ball---Yep, it's a 10 ft diameter giant plastic hamster ball, currently unoccupied. Has about 100 MDC too. Wanna go for a run?

Is it a cursed GHB? where it will not open back up once someone is inside?

say652 · Unread post by **say652** » Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:53 pm

Or once inside. All damage dealt from the inside is reduced to zero. Hope you have a friend. Lol

The Oh So Amazing Nate · Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:08 pm

58. Partially Neutered Giant Hamster. Very Angry! Looking for it's missing Giant Hamster Ball. Hamster has 87 MDC, does 1d4 MD claw attack and 1d8 MD bite attack. A nat. 20 on a bite attack results in the victim being swallowed whole, unharmed, and stuffed into the hamsters cheek pouch for later consumption.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:55 pm

59: Torn Map--A hand-drawnm map with landmarks nobody recognizes. The scrawled notes on the untorn, unburnt, unbloodied, and still there portion of the map speaks of some horrific weapon called 'the Emasculator'...Doing an Object Read on the map draws up jumbled thoughts of great vengeance, desperation, and leg-crossing agony.

The Oh So Amazing Nate · Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:26 pm

taalismn wrote:59: Torn Map--A hand-drawnm map with landmarks nobody recognizes. The scrawled notes on the untorn, unburnt, unbloodied, and still there portion of the map speaks of some horrific weapon called 'the Emasculator'...Doing an Object Read on the map draws up jumbled thoughts of great vengeance, desperation, and leg-crossing agony.

This is one treasure quest that i'd be turning down.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:40 pm

60. Amazon Hunting Expedition---A group(equivalent in numbers to the PC party) of Amazon warriors(see Rifts South America) on the prowl for parts of a map to a weapon called 'the Emasculator'. They'll ask(any female PCs) if the PCs have , or have heard if/seen, such a map, and either ignore or glare at any male PCs. If the PCs actually have the map(or parts thereof) they will demand it. If a fight breaks out for any reason, and the Amazons are defeated, looting them will turn up (another) scrap of map. If any of them get away, they will be back to dog the PCs(especially if the PCs either have their own scrap of the map, or have acquired the Amazons' map). These are rogue Amazons who have broken away from the Minoan enclave and seek to establish their own kingdom.