Forums of the Megaverse®

Alpha 11 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Nice tea. What's in it?"
"Flower of Life."
"That's nice. What are you doing with my uniform buttons?"
"Making you comfortable."

So Rem, or someone else?

Pick a schmuck in uniform.

"Ah, is this before or after you lot evolved to better fit in on Earth?"
"AFTER, of course."
"(hiss of released breath)....thank you, God...."

Lunk: "Thank God, they're after someone else...take a bath....get some clothes back on...get something to eat...FINALLY get some.sleep..."

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: "Thank God, they're after someone else..."

"The alteration of canon into something entirely unexpected may incur an effort by the universal -ylem- to re-achieve a form of stability by trying to draw certain factors back to a 'true ' state. Thus, for example, even though the circumstances that forced Jim "Lunk" Austin to become what he thought of as a coward in the midst of combat in the baseline Robotech universe(s) no longer applied in the wildly divergent 'Invid Gentle Gardeners' universe, there would arise instead a set of circumstances that would still impose conditions of 'cowardice' on Mister Austin."
---Interdim Megaverse Observational Essay #232153162351644752345@3423468#2346842936!*ti53465225667258964aoy346

Lunk: "'Assignment, Love, Making of, to Multiple Xeno (Female) Partners, Reason For: Securing of Diplomatic and Species Ties'? What the heck is this?!"
Officer: "Your new assignment, Bio-Mechanic Austin, and as you're still an enlisted man in the chain of command, you WILL obey these orders!"
Lunk: "But they're absurd!"
Officer: "No, they're keeping us out of all-out combat with these new aliens! Somebody up the command tree seems to think you're PERFECT for 'special diplomatic duty, detached'! Now grab your bags and get your ass over to the transport pool for your new assignment! You have your orders, soldier, are you going to wilt under the pressure?!"

"Alright Boumont out of that dress now! Don't go thinking a section 8 is going to get you out of this!"

Lancer: "But...this is what I always wear when I'm off-duty..."
Officer: "Sure...right...get back to work!!"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: "Thank God, they're after someone else..."

"The alteration of canon into something entirely unexpected may incur an effort by the universal -ylem- to re-achieve a form of stability by trying to draw certain factors back to a 'true ' state. Thus, for example, even though the circumstances that forced Jim "Lunk" Austin to become what he thought of as a coward in the midst of combat in the baseline Robotech universe(s) no longer applied in the wildly divergent 'Invid Gentle Gardeners' universe, there would arise instead a set of circumstances that would still impose conditions of 'cowardice' on Mister Austin."
---Interdim Megaverse Observational Essay #232153162351644752345@3423468#2346842936!*ti53465225667258964aoy346

Lunk: "'Assignment, Love, Making of, to Multiple Xeno (Female) Partners, Reason For: Securing of Diplomatic and Species Ties'? What the heck is this?!"
Officer: "Your new assignment, Bio-Mechanic Austin, and as you're still an enlisted man in the chain of command, you WILL obey these orders!"
Lunk: "But they're absurd!"
Officer: "No, they're keeping us out of all-out combat with these new aliens! Somebody up the command tree seems to think you're PERFECT for 'special diplomatic duty, detached'! Now grab your bags and get your ass over to the transport pool for your new assignment! You have your orders, soldier, are you going to wilt under the pressure?!"

Lunk: "I didn't sign up for this! Wait, what about HIM... (points at Lancer)?!"

taalismn wrote:

Alpha 11 wrote:

taalismn wrote:"Nice tea. What's in it?"
"Flower of Life."
"That's nice. What are you doing with my uniform buttons?"
"Making you comfortable."

So Rem, or someone else?

Pick a schmuck in uniform.

"Ah, is this before or after you lot evolved to better fit in on Earth?"
"AFTER, of course."
"(hiss of released breath)....thank you, God...."

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: "Thank God, they're after someone else...take a bath....get some clothes back on...get something to eat...FINALLY get some.sleep..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: "Thank God, they're after someone else..."

"The alteration of canon into something entirely unexpected may incur an effort by the universal -ylem- to re-achieve a form of stability by trying to draw certain factors back to a 'true ' state. Thus, for example, even though the circumstances that forced Jim "Lunk" Austin to become what he thought of as a coward in the midst of combat in the baseline Robotech universe(s) no longer applied in the wildly divergent 'Invid Gentle Gardeners' universe, there would arise instead a set of circumstances that would still impose conditions of 'cowardice' on Mister Austin."
---Interdim Megaverse Observational Essay #232153162351644752345@3423468#2346842936!*ti53465225667258964aoy346

Lunk: "'Assignment, Love, Making of, to Multiple Xeno (Female) Partners, Reason For: Securing of Diplomatic and Species Ties'? What the heck is this?!"
Officer: "Your new assignment, Bio-Mechanic Austin, and as you're still an enlisted man in the chain of command, you WILL obey these orders!"
Lunk: "But they're absurd!"
Officer: "No, they're keeping us out of all-out combat with these new aliens! Somebody up the command tree seems to think you're PERFECT for 'special diplomatic duty, detached'! Now grab your bags and get your ass over to the transport pool for your new assignment! You have your orders, soldier, are you going to wilt under the pressure?!"

SRoss wrote:"Alright Boumont out of that dress now! Don't go thinking a section 8 is going to get you out of this!"

Arnie100 wrote:Lancer: "But...this is what I always wear when I'm off-duty..."
Officer: "Sure...right...get back to work!!"

Arnie100 wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: "Thank God, they're after someone else..."

"The alteration of canon into something entirely unexpected may incur an effort by the universal -ylem- to re-achieve a form of stability by trying to draw certain factors back to a 'true ' state. Thus, for example, even though the circumstances that forced Jim "Lunk" Austin to become what he thought of as a coward in the midst of combat in the baseline Robotech universe(s) no longer applied in the wildly divergent 'Invid Gentle Gardeners' universe, there would arise instead a set of circumstances that would still impose conditions of 'cowardice' on Mister Austin."
---Interdim Megaverse Observational Essay #232153162351644752345@3423468#2346842936!*ti53465225667258964aoy346

Lunk: "'Assignment, Love, Making of, to Multiple Xeno (Female) Partners, Reason For: Securing of Diplomatic and Species Ties'? What the heck is this?!"
Officer: "Your new assignment, Bio-Mechanic Austin, and as you're still an enlisted man in the chain of command, you WILL obey these orders!"
Lunk: "But they're absurd!"
Officer: "No, they're keeping us out of all-out combat with these new aliens! Somebody up the command tree seems to think you're PERFECT for 'special diplomatic duty, detached'! Now grab your bags and get your ass over to the transport pool for your new assignment! You have your orders, soldier, are you going to wilt under the pressure?!"

Lunk: "I didn't sign up for this! Wait, what about HIM... (points at Lancer)?!"

Rook: "YOU VOLUNTEERED US FOR WHAT RAND!!!"

(Back in Sick Bay...)

Dr. Grant: "So; Rand...how DID you get a video camera shoved up your...?"

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...)

Dr. Grant: "So; Rand...how DID you get a video camera shoved up your...?"

Rand: "How far up is it?"

Nurse Hugh Mann: "We've got a great close up of your tonsils."

Capt. Grant: "Sir, I'd like to be exempted from the program."

"Why?"

Capt. Grant: "My wife would kill me and she has the extensive Medical knowledge to make it painful."

Dr. Grant: "Damn strait!"

"That was...startling..."
"Yes, didn't expect the Invid ...uhm...delegates...to show up in person to make their petition..."
"So apparently they stopped at Earth's polar region before moving down into the more densely populated areas?"
"Yes, and decided to check up on residual protoculture signs up there. They incidentally got a good look at some of the abandoned human facilities up there..."
"WE REALLY got to re-survey that area."
"Agreed."
"Anyways, how'd the Admiral take the news."
"He's locked himself in his quarters after raiding the liquor cabinet."
"And the Ambassador?"
"Still in shock."
"Wouldn't you be if several monochromatic copies of yourself showed up and said they 'wanted to become one with you' and your husband?"

SRoss wrote:Rook: "YOU VOLUNTEERED US FOR WHAT RAND!!!"

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...)

Dr. Grant: "So; Rand...how DID you get a video camera shoved up your...?"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...)

Dr. Grant: "So; Rand...how DID you get a video camera shoved up your...?"

Rand: "How far up is it?"

Nurse Hugh Mann: "We've got a great close up of your tonsils."

SRoss wrote:Capt. Grant: "Sir, I'd like to be exempted from the program."

"Why?"

Capt. Grant: "My wife would kill me and she has the extensive Medical knowledge to make it painful."

Dr. Grant: "Damn strait!"

taalismn wrote:"That was...startling..."
"Yes, didn't expect the Invid ...uhm...delegates...to show up in person to make their petition..."
"So apparently they stopped at Earth's polar region before moving down into the more densely populated areas?"
"Yes, and decided to check up on residual protoculture signs up there. They incidentally got a good look at some of the abandoned human facilities up there..."
"WE REALLY got to re-survey that area."
"Agreed."
"Anyways, how'd the Admiral take the news."
"He's locked himself in his quarters after raiding the liquor cabinet."
"And the Ambassador?"
"Still in shock."
"Wouldn't you be if several monochromatic copies of yourself showed up and said they 'wanted to become one with you' and your husband?"

SRoss wrote:Capt. Grant: "Sir, I'd like to be exempted from the program."

"Why?"

Capt. Grant: "My wife would kill me and she has the extensive Medical knowledge to make it painful."

Dr. Grant: "Damn strait!"

"Anybody else have spouses with homicidal tendencies? Yes, Colonel WolfF? I'm rather surprised you---oh, I didn't see you right behind him, Mrs. Wolff!"

Minmei: (Staring at Wolff) "You're MARRIED?!"
Col. Wolff: "About that..."
Minmei: "Hi; Mrs. Wolff, I have some very interesting stories about your husband..."
Col. Wolff: "Sir, is it too late to request a transfer?"

Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: (Staring at Wolff) "You're MARRIED?!"
Col. Wolff: "About that..."
Minmei: "Hi; Mrs. Wolff, I have some very interesting stories about your husband..."
Col. Wolff: "Sir, is it too late to request a transfer?"

"Do you like cold weather or hot stupid suicide?"

(Back in Sick Bay...again...)

Rand: (Notices Col. Wolff in full body cast) "Wifey?"
Col. Wolff: "Yep..."

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...again...)

Rand: (Notices Col. Wolff in full body cast) "Wifey?"
Col. Wolff: "Yep..."

"Woweeeee....that was some pistol-whipping."
"And with his own pistol, too."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...again...)

Rand: (Notices Col. Wolff in full body cast) "Wifey?"
Col. Wolff: "Yep..."

"Woweeeee....that was some pistol-whipping."
"And with his own pistol, too."

Meanwhile at the IceGuard Base.

Major Alex Jones: "Why do I have this feeling that we just dodged a major bullet?"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Capt. Grant: "Sir, I'd like to be exempted from the program."

"Why?"

Capt. Grant: "My wife would kill me and she has the extensive Medical knowledge to make it painful."

Dr. Grant: "Damn strait!"

"Anybody else have spouses with homicidal tendencies? Yes, Colonel WolfF? I'm rather surprised you---oh, I didn't see you right behind him, Mrs. Wolff!"

Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: (Staring at Wolff) "You're MARRIED?!"
Col. Wolff: "About that..."
Minmei: "Hi; Mrs. Wolff, I have some very interesting stories about your husband..."
Col. Wolff: "Sir, is it too late to request a transfer?"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Minmei: (Staring at Wolff) "You're MARRIED?!"
Col. Wolff: "About that..."
Minmei: "Hi; Mrs. Wolff, I have some very interesting stories about your husband..."
Col. Wolff: "Sir, is it too late to request a transfer?"

"Do you like cold weather or hot stupid suicide?"

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...again...)

Rand: (Notices Col. Wolff in full body cast) "Wifey?"
Col. Wolff: "Yep..."

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...again...)

Rand: (Notices Col. Wolff in full body cast) "Wifey?"
Col. Wolff: "Yep..."

"Woweeeee....that was some pistol-whipping."
"And with his own pistol, too."

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:(Back in Sick Bay...again...)

Rand: (Notices Col. Wolff in full body cast) "Wifey?"
Col. Wolff: "Yep..."

"Woweeeee....that was some pistol-whipping."
"And with his own pistol, too."

Meanwhile at the IceGuard Base.

Major Alex Jones: "Why do I have this feeling that we just dodged a major bullet?"

Wolff: "Then she rammed it so far down my throat the doctors tell me I'm farting cartridge casings..."
Rand: "At least she left the safety on."

Wolff: "What about you, Rand?"
Rand: "The nurse is taking pretty good video of my insides..."

taalismn wrote:Wolff: "Then she rammed it so far down my throat the doctors tell me I'm farting cartridge casings..."
Rand: "At least she left the safety on."

Arnie100 wrote:Wolff: "What about you, Rand?"
Rand: "The nurse is taking pretty good video of my insides..."

Arnie100 wrote:Wolff: "What about you, Rand?"
Rand: "The nurse is taking pretty good video of my insides..."

Nurse Hugh Mann: "The Regis will be ecstatic."

"Congratulations, Colonel Wolff; you have a nine millimeter ulcer."
"That's its size?"
"That's its CALIBER."

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Wolff: "What about you, Rand?"
Rand: "The nurse is taking pretty good video of my insides..."

Nurse Hugh Mann: "The Regis will be ecstatic."

taalismn wrote:"Congratulations, Colonel Wolff; you have a nine millimeter ulcer."
"That's its size?"
"That's its CALIBER."

Lancer: "My god, Rand, when Sera and I came to visit you, you weren't where you were supposed to be! I went through half the hospital before we learned you'd been transferred to the Burn Ward! What happened?!"
Rand: "I was healing alright from the beating Rook gave me, but my roommate, Col. Wolff, tried to pass an armor-piercing kidney stone..."
Lancer: "Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good...but it doesn't explain your burns."
Rand: "Missed me and hit the emergency oxygen cart parked just inside the door..."

"Col. Wolff, after thinking awhile on your problem, I've come up with a solution. MDC Speedos!"

SRoss wrote:"Col. Wolff, after thinking awhile on your problem, I've come up with a solution. MDC Speedos!"

Armored boxer shorts. They cover more than tighty-whiteys.

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:"Col. Wolff, after thinking awhile on your problem, I've come up with a solution. MDC Speedos!"

Armored boxer shorts. They cover more than tighty-whiteys.

"We could just stick him in the sauna and see if that cooks off the rest of the ammo?"

"Or put him on an all-bean diet and see what shakes loose..."

"No mister Rand, you may not change rooms."

Lancer: "Oh, and Annie sent you a stuffed animal,"
Godzilla: #"GGGERRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"#
Rand: "...what did she stuff him with? Lower Manhattan? ..."

taalismn wrote:Lancer: "My god, Rand, when Sera and I came to visit you, you weren't where you were supposed to be! I went through half the hospital before we learned you'd been transferred to the Burn Ward! What happened?!"
Rand: "I was healing alright from the beating Rook gave me, but my roommate, Col. Wolff, tried to pass an armor-piercing kidney stone..."
Lancer: "Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good...but it doesn't explain your burns."
Rand: "Missed me and hit the emergency oxygen cart parked just inside the door..."

SRoss wrote:"Col. Wolff, after thinking awhile on your problem, I've come up with a solution. MDC Speedos!"

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:"Col. Wolff, after thinking awhile on your problem, I've come up with a solution. MDC Speedos!"

Armored boxer shorts. They cover more than tighty-whiteys.

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:"Col. Wolff, after thinking awhile on your problem, I've come up with a solution. MDC Speedos!"

Armored boxer shorts. They cover more than tighty-whiteys.

"We could just stick him in the sauna and see if that cooks off the rest of the ammo?"

taalismn wrote:"Or put him on an all-bean diet and see what shakes loose..."

SRoss wrote:"No mister Rand, you may not change rooms."

taalismn wrote:Lancer: "Oh, and Annie sent you a stuffed animal,"
Godzilla: #"GGGERRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"#
Rand: "...what did she stuff him with? Lower Manhattan? ..."

Lancer: "Actually I think she stuffed him with Corg."
Rand: "What did he do this time?"
Lancer: "Bombed the Home Shopping delivery van again. Regis just got some GREAT deals, or so Sera tells me."

Corg: (Inside Godzilla's belly): "I had no idea!! C'mon...gimme a break!"

Arnie100 wrote:Corg: (Inside Godzilla's belly): "I had no idea!! C'mon...gimme a break!"

Godzilla: #"GGGERRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"# <Translation: "O' God! I think I'm going to throw up!!!">

taalismn wrote:Lancer: "Actually I think she stuffed him with Corg."
Rand: "What did he do this time?"
Lancer: "Bombed the Home Shopping delivery van again. Regis just got some GREAT deals, or so Sera tells me."

NEVER, get between a women and her shopping.

Arnie100 wrote:Corg: (Inside Godzilla's belly): "I had no idea!! C'mon...gimme a break!"

SRoss wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Corg: (Inside Godzilla's belly): "I had no idea!! C'mon...gimme a break!"

Godzilla: #"GGGERRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"# <Translation: "O' God! I think I'm going to throw up!!!">

"Congratulations, Mister Corg; the good news is you've broken a number of records today, including Greatest Distance for a Free-Flying Humanoid Projectile, and the Projectile Vomiting Distance record."
"....and the bad news?"
"You've broken just about everything else in your body. You're confined to this body cast for the foreseeable future."
"Stupid humans! We Invid can REGENERATE from such injuries easily enough!"
"So can we, with the right technologies. But about that; we received explicit instructions from the Regis NOT to use regenerative procedures on you. Something about 'keeping that loudmouth little upstart down for a while...' So, for the time being, you're confined to the Convalescent Ward of Manhattan General."
"Ah, Manhattan? As in the hu-man island community of Manhattan?"
"Why yes, we found you in Central Park, not far from here. You're familiar with this city?"
"...unfortunately, yes..."

"Well, if it isn't Mister 'Kill all the humans'...."

If he'd landed in the Bronx, they wouldn't have taken him to the hospital...

Ah, the lost older sister of the Bloopers Thread:
http://www.palladiumbooks.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=65280&sid=37a2bc471a36a7c1bf1292c565a381b0

taalismn wrote:"Congratulations, Mister Corg; the good news is you've broken a number of records today, including Greatest Distance for a Free-Flying Humanoid Projectile, and the Projectile Vomiting Distance record."
"....and the bad news?"
"You've broken just about everything else in your body. You're confined to this body cast for the foreseeable future."
"Stupid humans! We Invid can REGENERATE from such injuries easily enough!"
"So can we, with the right technologies. But about that; we received explicit instructions from the Regis NOT to use regenerative procedures on you. Something about 'keeping that loudmouth little upstart down for a while...' So, for the time being, you're confined to the Convalescent Ward of Manhattan General."
"Ah, Manhattan? As in the hu-man island community of Manhattan?"
"Why yes, we found you in Central Park, not far from here. You're familiar with this city?"
"...unfortunately, yes..."

"Well, if it isn't Mister 'Kill all the humans'...."

SRoss wrote:

:thwak: "NEW YORK!!!"

taalismn wrote:If he'd landed in the Bronx, they wouldn't have taken him to the hospital...

taalismn wrote:Ah, the lost older sister of the Bloopers Thread:
http://www.palladiumbooks.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=65280&sid=37a2bc471a36a7c1bf1292c565a381b0

Interesting.

Cut to ... a hospital with vomit streaming out the widows and doors...

BSS Lieutenant: (Handing Edwards a mop) "You're going to need this."

Edwards: "I hate this job...(sobbing)"
Kyle: (In full environmental suit) "Shut up...you're not cleaning up after that big lizard's diarrhea problems!"
Edwards: "Who do you think vomited?!"
Kyle: "I HATE this job..."

BSB Sarge: "Interesting solution, Mister Lynn."
Kyle: "Thanks."
BSB Sarge: "Not something we ordinarily do."
Kyle: "I was inspired."
BSB Sarge: "Normally in our line of work we give our coworkers warning before implementing such a clean-up strategy."
Kyle: "I;m not really formally part of the BSB now, am I?"
BSB Sarge: "True."
Kyle: "Just dealing with two problems at the same time."
Civil Defense Unit Trooper: "Okay, we finally got the fires out! That stuff really BURNS!!! Of course, somebody's gotta shovel up all the ash..."
BSB Sarge: "That would be-"
Kyle: "I know, I know, I'll get the broom..."
BSB Sarge: "And if they've finally managed to put Edwards out, tell him slack-off time's over!"

SRoss wrote:Cut to ... a hospital with vomit streaming out the widows and doors...

BSS Lieutenant: (Handing Edwards a mop) "You're going to need this."

Arnie100 wrote:Edwards: "I hate this job...(sobbing)"
Kyle: (In full environmental suit) "Shut up...you're not cleaning up after that big lizard's diarrhea problems!"
Edwards: "Who do you think vomited?!"
Kyle: "I HATE this job..."

taalismn wrote:BSB Sarge: "Interesting solution, Mister Lynn."
Kyle: "Thanks."
BSB Sarge: "Not something we ordinarily do."
Kyle: "I was inspired."
BSB Sarge: "Normally in our line of work we give our coworkers warning before implementing such a clean-up strategy."
Kyle: "I;m not really formally part of the BSB now, am I?"
BSB Sarge: "True."
Kyle: "Just dealing with two problems at the same time."
Civil Defense Unit Trooper: "Okay, we finally got the fires out! That stuff really BURNS!!! Of course, somebody's gotta shovel up all the ash..."
BSB Sarge: "That would be-"
Kyle: "I know, I know, I'll get the broom..."
BSB Sarge: "And if they've finally managed to put Edwards out, tell him slack-off time's over!"

Edwards: "Drenched in kaiju vomit, set on fire, knocked down by high pressure fire hoses, denied workman's comp....what is WRONG with this thread?!"
Rand: "I ask myself that all the time..."

Corg: "Both of you quit your whining! What about ME?! The horrible things I went through..."
Rand: "We call that justice."

Arnie100 wrote:Corg: "Both of you quit your whining! What about ME?! The horrible things I went through..."
Rand: "We call that justice."

Rook: "We call it funny as hell."