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taalismn wrote:"What's with the two black eyes?"
"She HITS like an advanced multi-spectral targeting system too!"

taalismn wrote:Things Field Marshal Leonard Doesn't Want You to Know:

*He majored in home economics in high school, with better grades than in history.
*His callsign in ROTC was 'Fuzzbutt'.
*He lost his hair to a freak accident with a waffle iron.
*He drives without pants.
*He once aspired to be a gourmet chef
*He probably would have come to an accommodation with the Tirolians if they hadn't, in their first communication with him, addressed him as 'pimplehead'.

SRoss wrote:Colonel Fredricks: "It could be worse."

Emerson: "How so?"

Colonel Fredricks: "Remember when he joined hair club for men?"

...

GMP Robot: "Halt! Sir! There appears to be a pollinator resting on your head!"

Leonard: " "

taalismn wrote:Emerson: "I just wish for once you'd come out from behind that desk from which you issue orders and stand up with the men you order into combat!"
Leonard: "Why you-!"
Emerson: "Wait...you forgot your pants again, haven't you? In that case, you can stay behind your desk. We really don't need to see that much of you.."
Leonard: " "

SRoss wrote:Colonel Fredricks: "It could be worse."

Emerson: "How so?"

Colonel Fredricks: "Remember when he joined hair club for men?"

...

GMP Robot: "Halt! Sir! There appears to be a pollinator resting on your head!"

Leonard: " "

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Colonel Fredricks: "It could be worse."

Emerson: "How so?"

Colonel Fredricks: "Remember when he joined hair club for men?"

...

GMP Robot: "Halt! Sir! There appears to be a pollinator resting on your head!"

Leonard: " "

"Why does there appear to be a yeti behind Field Marshal Leonard's desk?"
"That's 'Tibetan Blonde', the toupee of the month."

taalismn wrote:"So that explains the sasquatch sightings around Monument City..."
"'Canadian Tuft'. That was March Hair."

SRoss wrote:Aide: "Sir, perhaps you could go with the full battle helmet? After all it worked for Vader."

taalismn wrote:Louie Nichols: "Having just seen you eat, Commander Bernard, it's fortunate that I'm aware that you've spent the last year stranded on Invid-occupied Earth, because otherwise I'd be forced to conclude that you were raised by wolves."

Marcus: "There are teeth marks on the PLATE!"

Chronicler wrote:Cook: "WHO THE HELL RAIDED THE FREEZER!?!? "

Scott: *burp*

taalismn wrote:Maia Sterling: "So, Coomander Bernard, I take it you haven't had real coffee in a while?"
Scott:"No. How could you tell?"
Maia: "Had an inkling after seeing the way you put Rush in a headlock and flip-throw dislocated his arm to liberate his cup of java."

Arnie100 wrote:Scott: "You guys should try what Rand calls 'coffee' and what he calls 'home-cooked meals'..."
Rand: "Like I said before...road-kill is perfectly.good eating!!"

taalismn wrote:Louie: "Bernard, you came up through Columbia...how could you NOT have encountered the True Bean?"
Scott: "It's not as if the Invid considered coffee essential enough to the dominated Human population to allow cultivation...I have it on reliable authority they're tea drinkers."
(Flashback: Just after the Battle of Reflex Point)
Rook: "Marlene, please label your 'herbal blend' when you make it? Rand grabbed the wrong pot again."
Marlene: "Oh dear...I hope it's not like last time..."
(Rand goes streaking past au naturale flapping his arms and yelling "I"m A BUTTERFLY YEARNING TO FLY FRRRRRRREEEEEE...")
Rook: "No, not that bad..."
Lunk: "RAND!! LOOK OUT FOR THAT CLIFF! IT'S-...ah hell... MAN OVERBOARD!"
Scott: "I'll get the ropes, you get a blanket and a backboard."
Rook: (eye twitching)"..."
Marlene: "I better set this stuff aside..."

Arnie100 wrote:Marlene: "Maybe I shouldn't have put that Flower of Life petal in my tea pot..."

glitterboy2098 wrote:in our Friday game, we have one character planning to make "protoculture"-moonshine using a mix of grains, sugar, and pureed Flower of Life.. for our invid princess. i think that char also has plans for FoL/protoculture infused candy.

hopefully these get labelled really well.. or the rest of us might end up replicating Cowboy Bebop

Chronicler wrote:[
"Guys, I figured out how to make mega-damage Molotov's"

And thus the resistance rejoiced.

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:[
"Guys, I figured out how to make mega-damage Molotov's"

And thus the resistance rejoiced.

"Problem is, the battlefield afterwards smells like fruit cocktail."

And hence Potpourri Explosives were introduced to Humanity's arsenals....

Chronicler wrote:
"So? I like my fruity cocktails." *sips Appletini*

"...... The hell did you get that?"

"Replaced one of my fuel cells with the stuff."

Resistance fighters

taalismn wrote:Maia: "Now Zentraedi coffee,..."
Marcus: "It's at least fifty percent caffeine by weight, isn't it?"
Scott: "Enough to cause seizures and heart attacks in anybody not blessed with a genetically engineered or superhuman constitution."
Louie: "Yes, I remember when Nova accidentally sipped from Dana's coffee cup."
Maia: "How badly did the coffee cup fragment?"
Louie: "Actually, Nova's cup hand was remarkably steady. She didn't spill a drop."
Scott: "Incredible.."
Louie: "The REST of her, on the other hand, was shaking so violently she destroyed her chair and the table, dislocated her other arm, both legs, and cracked three ribs...We could HEAR her veterbrae clicking like castanets."

SRoss wrote:

THINGS NEVER TO ENHANCE WITH PROTOCULTURE

#5576 - Coffee - Nuf said.

SRoss wrote:Dennis Brown enters his quarters and finds Nova shaking on the ceiling.

Dennis: (on the intercom) "Hello, Dr. Grant? It looks like Nova got into the Zentraedi coffee again."

Nova: "Wwwwwoooooo ... I can see hyperspace..."

Jean: "Sigh ... Ok, I'll bring the horse trancs."

glitterboy2098 wrote:in our Friday game, we have one character planning to make "protoculture"-moonshine using a mix of grains, sugar, and pureed Flower of Life.. for our invid princess. i think that char also has plans for FoL/protoculture infused candy.

hopefully these get labelled really well.. or the rest of us might end up replicating Cowboy Bebop

SRoss wrote:Rook: "Um, Rand, is stew really supposed to glow like that?"

So, is this character trying to get said Invid Princess drunk, or just showing off their alchemical skills?

taalismn wrote:"If it's not edible, can we weaponize it?"

Chronicler wrote:

glitterboy2098 wrote:in our Friday game, we have one character planning to make "protoculture"-moonshine using a mix of grains, sugar, and pureed Flower of Life.. for our invid princess. i think that char also has plans for FoL/protoculture infused candy.

hopefully these get labelled really well.. or the rest of us might end up replicating Cowboy Bebop

"Guys, I figured out how to make mega-damage Molotov's"

And thus the resistance rejoiced.

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:[
"Guys, I figured out how to make mega-damage Molotov's"

And thus the resistance rejoiced.

"Problem is, the battlefield afterwards smells like fruit cocktail."

And hence Potpourri Explosives were introduced to Humanity's arsenals....

Chronicler wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:[
"Guys, I figured out how to make mega-damage Molotov's"

And thus the resistance rejoiced.

"Problem is, the battlefield afterwards smells like fruit cocktail."

And hence Potpourri Explosives were introduced to Humanity's arsenals....

"So? I like my fruity cocktails." *sips Appletini*

"...... The hell did you get that?"

"Replaced one of my fuel cells with the stuff."

Resistance fighters

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:
"So? I like my fruity cocktails." *sips Appletini*

"...... The hell did you get that?"

"Replaced one of my fuel cells with the stuff."

Resistance fighters

Gourmet Munitions...For Those With an Appetite for Destruction.

SRoss wrote:So, is this character trying to get said Invid Princess drunk, or just showing off their alchemical skills?

glitterboy2098 wrote:

SRoss wrote:So, is this character trying to get said Invid Princess drunk, or just showing off their alchemical skills?

the character took on the idea that humanoid invid need protoculture in their diet, and the GM decided to play along. so right now the character has a tendancy to open up a protoculture cell every so often to drink it. which makes her stand out more than normal. the idea behind these protoculture foodstuffs is to get that dietary need supplied with items that are less attention getting. plus it'll mean our protoculture supply isn't reduced as fast.

SRoss wrote:Note to Self: ALWAYS READ THE LABEL ON THE CAN BEFORE GETTING IN A CHUGGING CONTEST WITH AN INVID PRINCESS...

taalismn wrote:"Uh-oh...Musica, did you just drink from that cup?"
"Yes, I did. Why, is there a problem?"
"Oh dear, that was Dana's coffee!"
"Angelo, clear away the furniture! Sean, Louie, get blankets and pillows! Bowie, talk to her! I'll get the medkit."
"What's wrong?"
"Musica, you're going to be okay, it;s just that you've just imbibed a hyperstimulant!"
"This? This is ....weak. Not very flavorful. Surprisingly bland and institutional. Don you people have anything stronger than this?"
" "
"Bowie...I foresee a very interesting married life ahead for you..."

glitterboy2098 wrote:

SRoss wrote:So, is this character trying to get said Invid Princess drunk, or just showing off their alchemical skills?

the character took on the idea that humanoid invid need protoculture in their diet, and the GM decided to play along. so right now the character has a tendancy to open up a protoculture cell every so often to drink it. which makes her stand out more than normal. the idea behind these protoculture foodstuffs is to get that dietary need supplied with items that are less attention getting. plus it'll mean our protoculture supply isn't reduced as fast.

taalismn wrote:

glitterboy2098 wrote:

SRoss wrote:So, is this character trying to get said Invid Princess drunk, or just showing off their alchemical skills?

the character took on the idea that humanoid invid need protoculture in their diet, and the GM decided to play along. so right now the character has a tendancy to open up a protoculture cell every so often to drink it. which makes her stand out more than normal. the idea behind these protoculture foodstuffs is to get that dietary need supplied with items that are less attention getting. plus it'll mean our protoculture supply isn't reduced as fast.

Invid: "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

SRoss wrote:Note to Self: ALWAYS READ THE LABEL ON THE CAN BEFORE GETTING IN A CHUGGING CONTEST WITH AN INVID PRINCESS...

taalismn wrote:

SRoss wrote:Note to Self: ALWAYS READ THE LABEL ON THE CAN BEFORE GETTING IN A CHUGGING CONTEST WITH AN INVID PRINCESS...

Lunk: "...er...?"
Rand: "Those are really lame costumes, ladies. What are you supposed to be? Truckers?"
Invid Princess: (removing beard and mustache) "Lunk hunters."
Invid Princess2:(taking a sweating and trembling Lunk by the arm and steering him to an awaiting van) "Come along, dear, it's easier if you don;t fight it."

Chronicler wrote:Resistance fighter: "Man, how comes he gets all the chicks and us mooks get nothing. Not like we don't fight as hard as they do."

Resistance fighter2: "You have no idea do you "

Chronicler wrote:Resistance fighter: "Man, how comes he gets all the chicks and us mooks get nothing. Not like we don't fight as hard as they do."

Resistance fighter2: "You have no idea do you "

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: (Looking at the two resistance fighters) "SAVE ME!!"
Resistance Fighter #1: "Alright! Maybe I'll get me some of that action!!"
Resistance Fighter #2: "Don't do it, man! Let tbem take him!!"
Resistance Fighter #1: "Oh; come on, what could posdibly -- "
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #1:

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:Resistance fighter: "Man, how comes he gets all the chicks and us mooks get nothing. Not like we don't fight as hard as they do."

Resistance fighter2: "You have no idea do you "

"Make love, not war!"
"That's what I said, just before my ex sprayed me with a flamethrower."

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: (Looking at the two resistance fighters) "SAVE ME!!"
Resistance Fighter #1: "Alright! Maybe I'll get me some of that action!!"
Resistance Fighter #2: "Don't do it, man! Let tbem take him!!"
Resistance Fighter #1: "Oh; come on, what could posdibly -- "
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #1:

Chronicler wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Lunk: (Looking at the two resistance fighters) "SAVE ME!!"
Resistance Fighter #1: "Alright! Maybe I'll get me some of that action!!"
Resistance Fighter #2: "Don't do it, man! Let tbem take him!!"
Resistance Fighter #1: "Oh; come on, what could posdibly -- "
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #1:

Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

Chronicler wrote:
Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:
Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

Resistance Fighter #1: "Waitasecond. Just where the hell do you get kumquats in this sort of post-apocalyptic economy?"

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:
Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

Resistance Fighter #1: "Waitasecond. Just where the hell do you get kumquats in this sort of post-apocalyptic economy?"

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:
Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

Resistance Fighter #1: "Waitasecond. Just where the hell do you get kumquats in this sort of post-apocalyptic economy?"

An Iigaa shows up pushing Fruit cart...

Iigaa: (Activating speaker on the cart) "Kumquats! Get your Kumquats! Strait from the Genesis Pit! Get'm while their fresh!"

Resistance Fighters #1 & #2 and Rand:

Rook: (Covers Annie's eyes)

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:
Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

Resistance Fighter #1: "Waitasecond. Just where the hell do you get kumquats in this sort of post-apocalyptic economy?"

An Iigaa shows up pushing Fruit cart...

Iigaa: (Activating speaker on the cart) "Kumquats! Get your Kumquats! Strait from the Genesis Pit! Get'm while their fresh!"

Resistance Fighters #1 & #2 and Rand:

Rook: (Covers Annie's eyes)

Arnie100 wrote:Annie: "What's a kumquat? Can I use it with my Corgie-Poo?"

Chronicler wrote:

SRoss wrote:

taalismn wrote:

Chronicler wrote:
Resistance Fighter #3: "So what did you tell him?"
Resistance Fighter #2: (Whispers in ear...)
Resistance Fighter #3: ".... Huh me and my girlfriend do that every Tuesday."
Resistance Fighters #1 and #2:

Resistance Fighter #1: "Waitasecond. Just where the hell do you get kumquats in this sort of post-apocalyptic economy?"

An Iigaa shows up pushing Fruit cart...

Iigaa: (Activating speaker on the cart) "Kumquats! Get your Kumquats! Strait from the Genesis Pit! Get'm while their fresh!"

Resistance Fighters #1 & #2 and Rand:

Rook: (Covers Annie's eyes)

Resistance Fighter #3: "I'll take a dozen."

Rook: "You deprived son of a *****."

Resistance Fighter #3: "Not my fault she's into that."

Arnie100 wrote:Annie: "What's a kumquat? Can I use it with my Corgie-Poo?"
Rook: "Now; Annie..."
Rand: "That might not be such a bad idea..."
Corg: "How did I get here?!"

taalismn wrote:

Arnie100 wrote:Annie: "What's a kumquat? Can I use it with my Corgie-Poo?"

Rand: "I imagine it depends which end you stuff it in..."
Annie: "I don't get it."
Rand: "I'd believe that if you hadn't said it while in your older post-puberty form, Annie."
Annie: "Oops."
Corg: " "
Rand: "Please, Corg, that expression does NOT translate well on your normally sneering features."
Corg: " "
Rand: "Better."

taalismn wrote:Scott: "Wait, don't you use stunt-doubles?"
Rand: "Only in-story. The rest of the random #### happens to me on its own. At least until I can figure a way to contract that out to an appropriate meat-shield."
(Karno suddenly gets a bad shiver downn his spine)