Forums of the Megaverse®

I just had a thought that, to the best of my current knowledge, has never been addressed before. I am posting this in every forum I can find. I know the zombie menace is unpleasant to think about, but this is an ugly thought, one that HAS to be addressed sooner or later, I ask that you do not shoot the messenger, but ponder what I have to say. And if my logic is sound, then it will change EVERYTHING you think you know about zombies!

It's so simple. Disgusting, yet simple. It's a known truth that when one is extremely scared, shocked or even upon death, one of the final things someone does before their hearts stops is...defecate. Crap. Drop a deuce. Drop the kids off at the pool. Make a boom-boom. Take a trip down the Hershey Highway. Cause an organic landslide. Summon a corn filled mud dragon.

I told you it was a disgusting truth. But with that simple, yet overlooked piece of basic human biology, comes a frightening realization. If this line of logic follows to be true, then this means that EVERY zombie we've ever seen, from the grave robbing ghouls of lore to the brain children of George Romero must have followed suit! That's right folks, I'm talking about the Poo-Poo of the Living Dead! Every shambling, running, severed reanimated torso between time of the heart stopping and the body moving once again to feast on the living, their bowels released. I know it's a horrific thought, but remember, books, movies, television and video games don't have smell-o-vision! They describe the smell of rotting flesh, especially in warmer climates. But perhaps this has led to such biology being forgotten, or overlooked. A creature that was once a loved one becoming a slouching, hungry beast wishing to devour you is saddening enough. But the thought that the first smell you might identify them with is a full caboose of fertilizer? Ewwww!!!

From a zombie hunter's point of view, this could actually be a GOOD thing. That's right, hear me out! When tracking your prey and they're not alerting the rest of the horde by moaning, the smell of rotting flesh could aid in the hunt. But the state of various fecal matter on the wind? This might actually make it easier to locate your prey! It is believed that the undead have a strong sense of smell. Haven't you ever wondered how zombies can tell the difference between themselves and their living food source? Whoomp, there it is.

Now, I do NOT recommend one smearing zombie squeezings onto themselves in an attempt to camouflage and blend in or hide from the zombies! There's an untold number of bacteria, viruses and horrific chemicals cast out of the body for a reason. And the worst possibility? There may be a chance that if the zombie virus is transferred by bodily fluids such as saliva and blood, then the virus may also be in concentrated doses in their stools, so do NOT risk infection this way! Besides, can you imagine the embarrassment of being discovered by a hunter and without bite marks, being misdiagnosed as patient zero? Or worse, With this new knowledge, the realization that you became infected by fecal contact. That's right, whatever your name was in life, your zombie name will forever be known as Doo-Doo Brown.

This also raises some interesting questions. What if the primitive brains of the undead realized that to pass their infection along, all they had to do was revert to the actions of lower primates and start flinging their zombie bombs? That's right folks, it gives the phrase 'airborne pathogen' a whole new meaning. And perhaps it also explains the psychology of the Witch in the video game Left 4 Dead! She sits kneeling, crying, as if remembering a great loss. But once you make a loud noise, shine a light on her or come too close, you startle the Witch, and she attacks with long, dark fingernails. What if the Witch is one of the only zombies self-aware enough to realize that they'd crapped themselves, and being women, are too shy and self-conscious to wish to be seen with zombie feces in their otherwise blood soaked tidy whiteys? And here's the most frightening thought possible: have you ever looked at their long, blade like finger claws and wondered why are they so black.

That's right. The last thing you'll see is a hormone driven Dirty Sanchez across your windpipe. Would you want to come back after that? Didn't think so, me neither. Please feel free to think and discuss.

Sort of. An older zombie wouldn't have the poo issues. When it comes down to it, given a few weeks it is simply going to decay away or wash away (if exposed to rain/the elements). A fesh zombie would likely have that issue, but an older one would simply smell of rotting flesh.

A parting thought it isn't before their heart stops, it is after as the sphincter muscles release. Also not everyone does when they die, only if with a moderately full bowel. If you are running on empty of near empty there isn't anything to void or nothing near enough the exit to void. So if you say got killed an hour of dropping a deuce you likely would have nothing or not enough to void.

Avoid the zombies who visted taco hell earlier that day before they got turned!
-Matt

And here's another thought. If zombies eat flesh and their digestive system even remotely functions, then eventually the excess matter WILL be expelled! Where do you think it's going? Pre-zombie poo meets post-zombie poo.

I was going to say something like that, but I figured I wouldn't. For regular zombies it shouldn't matter as they don't eat people, at least not in DR. In DR they just kill people, not eat them. For flesh eating zombies though, that does bring up that question of what happens to 'used people'. I'd imagine you would be, unfortunately, correct.
-Matt

You guys should read the Zombie Survival Guide on zombie digestion. Since the zeds digestive system is not functional(depending on what/where your zeds hail from), everything
they eat is undigested. Kinda makes it more digusting then zombie poo.

Sounds like one helluva passing remark.

I asked my wife, who is a nurse and has had to handle many people who died on her neuro unit, and she said that never once has the corpse crapped the bed. She said if it happens it must not happen often and/or it has quite a delay as the dead often are not discovered dead immediatly and once pronounced dead by a MD will sometimes wait on the ward for an hour or more before being moved to the morgue. So we are talking people being dead for 2+ hours and still having clean pants.

Bottom line is that most people that die are poop free for well more than the required time to reanimate as a zombie.

Okay, maybe. But if all the zombies care about after reanimation is eating, I can see slouchers eventually having stained sloucher trousers, runners having the runs, and even thinkers losing control of certain muscles down there and making a brain fart with a lump in it.

Thinyser wrote:I asked my wife, who is a nurse and has had to handle many people who died on her neuro unit, and she said that never once has the corpse crapped the bed. She said if it happens it must not happen often and/or it has quite a delay as the dead often are not discovered dead immediatly and once pronounced dead by a MD will sometimes wait on the ward for an hour or more before being moved to the morgue. So we are talking people being dead for 2+ hours and still having clean pants.

Bottom line is that most people that die are poop free for well more than the required time to reanimate as a zombie.

Not that I really have experience in it, but I generally hear the 'voiding the bowls as a result of death' being from a violent death. The sort of thing that tends to cause muscle spasms and stuff, so I imagine it isn't really common. Though considering the whole "I got eaten by a zombie" it might be more common for the newly arrisen to have pooped themselves.
-Matt

azazel1024 wrote:

Thinyser wrote:I asked my wife, who is a nurse and has had to handle many people who died on her neuro unit, and she said that never once has the corpse crapped the bed. She said if it happens it must not happen often and/or it has quite a delay as the dead often are not discovered dead immediatly and once pronounced dead by a MD will sometimes wait on the ward for an hour or more before being moved to the morgue. So we are talking people being dead for 2+ hours and still having clean pants.

Bottom line is that most people that die are poop free for well more than the required time to reanimate as a zombie.

Not that I really have experience in it, but I generally hear the 'voiding the bowls as a result of death' being from a violent death. The sort of thing that tends to cause muscle spasms and stuff, so I imagine it isn't really common. Though considering the whole "I got eaten by a zombie" it might be more common for the newly arrisen to have pooped themselves.
-Matt

She works on the neuro unit and has to deal with people that seize up and have sever hart arrhythmia, they call the code and the patient usually gets several ribs broken down both sides and electrical shot through their torso but don't always make it. Its not an "easy" way to go. Not maybe as violent as you intend it but many of these patients are in the hospital from massive head/spinal trauma from automobile accidents and falls which are very violent.

The rest are usually from brain tumors. Certainly not violent but some of them don't have "no codes" (as the nurse jargon goes) and will sometimes seize up and die but they have to try and resuscitate them anyhow. These are often times older patients and suffer even more trauma from the CPR. Not an "easy" way to die.

I guess if there was sever trauma to the brain, somehting that would cause instant death, they might do something like that though I known how much it matters, I know it happens but that it doesn't happen all the time to animals. I killed a possum with a fire place poker with a bash to the skull and it went into this wierd gyration but it didn't crap all over the place.

I've also had a dog put down, in my arms, with a lethal injection. The vet said that they do it in the kitchen or outside incase the bowels let go but that it rarely happens. Our dog did not, but she haden't eaten for 4 or more days so we doubted she had anything left in her gut to come out at death. She was a 16-17 year old siberian huskey. We got her when I was 2 years old and the vet said she was about my age or maybe a little younger and she died when I was almost 18 boy did I ever miss that dog.

You guys should go play Stubbs the Zombie, Rebel without a brain. Really.

8]

DtMK wrote:Okay, maybe. But if all the zombies care about after reanimation is eating, I can see slouchers eventually having stained sloucher trousers, runners having the runs, and even thinkers losing control of certain muscles down there and making a brain fart with a lump in it.

Sorry DtMK, but I call BS on your ZS theory.

Pinching a loaf at the moment of death is no way near as common as your making out. Fecal matter oozing out as the body decomposes is a given, but with Zombie regeneration rates, who knows? Maybe the rusty sherrif's badge heals too, enough to keep back the brown stuff.

And most zombies don't care about eating, just killing and gorging on the PPE.

Geronimo 2.0 wrote:Okay, this wins the "Most disturbing and disgusting topic on the DR forum" award.

Yay! I won! I nominate the name of the aforementioned award to be the 'Golden Zombie Poop Award!'