Rifts Humor

[dragonfett]

Hey everyone, I was wanting to start a thread for Rifts based humor and I was wondering if it was ok to start it in this forum. If not, please let me know which of the forums would be more appropriate.

I think I will start this off with "You know you have a problem in Rifts when..."

Players begin asking how much MDC a planet has.
The Crazie of the party is on watch alone, at night, with everyone else asleep, and a Juicer Chainsaw at his side.
The dragon in the party is offered power (from the main villian of the campaign) if he eats an innocent woman (who gets dragged out)...
...and he does...
...and there's a cosmo-knight in the party (the exact words were "you do understand I'm under obligation to kill you now").
Your GM puts you through a scenario he based off the Evil Dead movies. (First time I've ever seen a borg in a fistfight with a zombie...)

[taalismn]

...the MDC overspill from the PCs' favored weapons just annihilated the very village they were trying to PROTECT

...Emperor Prosek apologizes personally to the PCs for any inconvenience CS troops have done them

....Your PCs have ever been bro-fisted by Splynncryth

...Naruni employees roll out the red carpet (literally) when they see the PCs approaching

...Being made into a Rune Weapon doesn't inconvenience the C's social life in the slightest

...Any of the PCs have uttered "The galaxy is FULL of stars! It's not like anybody's going to MISS one or two...or several..."

...A PC has ever used their Rune Blade to pick their teeth, cut their nails, or open a beer...

[dragonfett]

Party finds plot of a string of nukes litterd across the world, and they find the keystone nuke that will set them all off.
"I attempt to deactivate the nuke."
"Roll for success."
*clatter*
1
"Hmmm..."

[taalismn]

"Let's give this money to some needy orphans."
"I don't know of any orphans around here. "
"Let's make some."

"How about I loan you my Eldritch Abomination familiar for the weekend? It gives GREAT backrubs!"

"See, when I touch THIS nerve in this Crazy's brain, I can get him to get a high 'c' note!"

[Mr. Jays]

A PC knows the combination to the black vault

The party has defeated EVERYTHING in the Rifts Conversion Books and want to fight something harder

A PC has to hire a minimum crew of 100 people just to carry his stuff

A PC was going to invade Atlantis, but changed his mind because it would be too easy.

The party has Nymph groupies.

A PC's ley line walker knows all the spells of legend.

[taalismn]

A PC's ley line walker knows all the spells of legend.

The group's ley line walker has a Spell of Legend NAMED after him

The group's magic user uses Raise the Dead/Resurrection routinely in his daily game of "You're Dead Now! Now You're Not! You're Dead Now! No, You're Not!"

The PC's only reaction to being hit by a Space-To-Surface X-Ray Laser blast is "A little sunny today, isn't it?"

The PC group has been to Hades and back so many times they've installed a rotating Rift.

The group has groupies in Hades

One or more of the PCs have Witches who have Pacts with them

The PCs have a pet BOLO

For Breakfast: a small army. For Lunch: a major nation. For Dinner; Splugorth or Demon Overlord. Snacks in between: assorted Glitterboys, dragons, High Devyls, Kreeghor attack groups, and the occasional CosmoKnight.

At night, under the stars, when others are pointing out constellations, the PCs are saying: "Okay, that one's mine, so's that....I just bought that entire galactic arm..."

The PCs go fishing, using the Lord of the Deep for bait...

[kh_hawkes]

The PCs have a pet BOLO

One of the PC's is a Bolo in Combat Reflex all the time.

[dragonfett]

When your players talk to their weapons more than they do each other (just ask the one guy and his staff, "Philipe").
You discover Stormbringer, Mournblade, Excalibur, and the One Ring by the roadside. The Cosmo-Knight, Godling, and Heartless Immortal (with bonded Chi Spirit and positive chi tap) all get in to a fight over who gets which artifact.
Samir Duran has joined the party, and he's standing watch...
The weakest character is a Seljuk Cosmo-Knight with Bear Style MA.

[taalismn]

The in-game weapons company you created for your campaign appears on the New York Stock Exchange...and trading is up....
You've just received a letter from the U.S. government soliciting a contract bid for military hardware from your company.

Your mother's PC just annihilated the Splugorth bad guy of your entire campaign

Your PCs are on a first name basis with the Old Ones

One of your PCs IS an Old One

Your PC group has its own cult.
That cult has just applied for tax-exempt status from the IRS.
And it has been granted.

[Johnathan]

Your PC's are on a first name basis with half of the Gods, Demon Lords, Alien Intelligences and Major Players in the Megaverse. And those that aren't familiar with your PC's are ridiculed for not being "in the know".

One of your PC's attempts to turn Yggdrasil into a Millenium Staff... and Succeeds.

Nightlords come to your PC group for "entertainment" when they get bored with trying to take over Earth...
Your PC's see this as annoying. Nightlords are such whiney babies...

The Coalition States sees your PC group as a "Major Threat" and forge an alliance with them because waging war against them would cost hundreds of thousands of lives and billions worth in damage... Plus they would probably lose anyway...

Naruni Enterprises thinks your PC's technology is "kind of a big deal".

Nxla developes an overcompensation psychological disorder due to one of your PC's owning more souls than he does...
And that PC owns less than all the other PCs.

Your Group arrives at the beginning of the Great Cataclysm and rather than attempt to save a single city or group of people, each of your PC's picks a continent to save to see who can win quicker. The PC who finished in a week was the loser...

[Mr. Jays]

A PC's ley line walker knows all the spells of legend.

The group's ley line walker has a Spell of Legend NAMED after him

The group's ley line walker INVENTED all the Spells of Legend.

[The Dark Elf]

A PC's ley line walker knows all the spells of legend.

The group's ley line walker has a Spell of Legend NAMED after him

The group's ley line walker INVENTED all the Spells of Legend.

One of the players names becomes a power word.

Unfortunately the players name is Mike Hunt.

/apologies

[taalismn]

One of your PCs uses the Cosmic Forge to make shoes for his pet pony


Billards with planets---'nuff said

Your last visit to the Brass City left Dunscon crying and hiding under his bed, too afraid to come out.

For you, Levitation is too much of a hassle lifting yourself off the ground using the power of your mind; it's easier to simply push the Earth out from under you.

The last time your Mind Melter PC had a headache, everybody in the hemisphere had a headache.

When your PC's kids get grumpy at night, Nxla sings them a soothing lullaby, before it begs you let it go home for the night...

You regard hordes of approaching zombies as home fertilizer delivery

Your home on Rifts Earth sports a 'Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here' over the visitor gate

Your Rifts Home PC uses ARCHIE-3 to run the in-lawn sprinkler system.

[Jorel]

A PC's ley line walker knows all the spells of legend.

The group's ley line walker has a Spell of Legend NAMED after him

The group's ley line walker INVENTED all the Spells of Legend.

One of the players names becomes a power word.

Unfortunately the players name is Mike Hunt.

/apologies

Are you sure you weren't thinking of Mike Hawk, or was it Jack Hoff? (I actually knew someone named the latter).

[dragonfett]

The party's Shifter shows off this neat trick of turning his head around 360 degrees.
The Goblin with an IQ of 4 named 4-Ball is at the helm of a large crossbow throwing device and the firing button is a big, red, candy-like button and he simply must press it, even if it is aimed at his friends.
The dragon hatchling of the party enjoys walking around saying "Beware the dragon, for thou art crunchy and good with ketchup!" even around a 15th level ancient dragon who wasn't all that fond of the party anyway.
My favorate is always the Drogan. And I quote from one of my games. "come on its only a Dragon."
The party was only 2nd to 3rd level and went hunting Dragons. This got really anoying so I let them find one.
You suddenly realize that you've just let the psionic hold all the magic artifacts.
The GM says "That's it!" and reaches for Xiticix Invasion.
You suddenly realize that the GM is using the kind of traps that people would really use to keep others out of their crypts.

[Johnathan]

Splynncryth sees one of your PC's as a "Major Political Ally" and welcomes the group as honorific guests. Every Power Lord that has greeted your group has been immolated due to "rudeness".

Thor frequently challenges one of your PC's to drinking contests... and loses.

Thoth finds your groups magical knowledge to be "quiet impressive, if not a little... unorthodox." in regards to their circle magic and diabolism.

At least half of your PC group is either related to a god, a god themself or in the major service of a divine being.

One of your PC's succeeded in "becoming acquainted" with every single member of a given race... and not only considers it a success, but is proud of it.

Your group is solely responsible for a major power shift on not just one planet, but several different dimensions.

[DhAkael]

Splynncryth sees one of your PC's as a "Major Political Ally" and welcomes the group as honorific guests. Every Power Lord that has greeted your group has been immolated due to "rudeness".

Been there, had that happen.

At least half of your PC group is either related to a god, a god themself or in the major service of a divine being.

-sigh- Present game I'm playing in...

The PCs have a pet BOLO

-ahem kafkafMaximillionkafkaf hak-

[Aaryq]

The PC's have gone into retirement because there are no more challenges for them...but of course once a year, they sack a major city by themselves just "to see if we can still do it"

[dragonfett]

The CS starts using psychics with Object Read to update their Wanted posters.
You remember that the entire arena you've been waging a power armor battle in is hermetically sealed *after* you fired a volley of mini-missiles.
The GM tells you you've been rifted to the Court of the Lord of the Deep. Which is at the bottom of the Marianas Trench . Where the water pressure is a little on the high side.
The player who always runs backstabber characters asks to play a Vagabond with the optional rules from Conversion Book One for Scholar/Adventurers.
When all your players start working on rules for drunkeness and debauchery.
Before you start the game, one player secretly asks the GM how many experience points he can get for killing other players.
When the party that is gaming decides the old ones are not that powerful and can be summoned and controlled.

[(SHIFTY)]

You manage to kill the Lord of the Deep.

[Jorel]

Thraxus keeps asking if they maybe would play with him tomorrow as they are clearly too busy today.

[Aaryq]

The players succesfully overthrow a mager world government and run it as their own.

[Jorel]

The players succesfully overthrow a mager world government and run it as their own.

Is that a govt. run by Mages?

[Aaryq]

The players succesfully overthrow a mager world government and run it as their own.

Is that a govt. run by Mages?

Technically...this was after they achieved Godhood by killing an entire pantheon, save the supreme god and goddess...so they achieved full godhood, which gave them magical powers...though they weren't mages by trade, just by endowment with wicked awesome powers...this was a long ago campaign...we wanted to run something so ridiculously Monty Haul for a few months just for good fun...it ended up lasting about 4 or 5 years of real time.

[Aaryq]

The players succesfully overthrow a mager world government and run it as their own.

Is that a govt. run by Mages?

Technically...this was after they achieved Godhood by killing an entire pantheon, save the supreme god and goddess...so they achieved full godhood, which gave them magical powers...though they weren't mages by trade, just by endowment with wicked awesome powers...this was a long ago campaign...we wanted to run something so ridiculously Monty Haul for a few months just for good fun...it ended up lasting about 4 or 5 years of real time.

Ah...I see...typo...I meant to say Major, not mager...herp derp...I can't brain today...I has a case of teh dumbs.

[Killer Cyborg]

Hey everyone, I was wanting to start a thread for Rifts based humor and I was wondering if it was ok to start it in this forum. If not, please let me know which of the forums would be more appropriate.

Here's an old thread of Rifts-style Momma Jokes:
viewtopic.php?f=8&t=41696

Old "Rifts Humor" thread:
viewtopic.php?p=622744#p622744

[dragonfett]

When a party of supposedly good characters slaughters a town of innocents during a battle and they all agree that it was a good job.
Ditto... With a body count of 12760... All accounted for.
The GM has no problem with you bringing in an NPC designed as a party controller into the current game as a villian.
...The same GM lets you have a backpack nuke with an electronic deadman switch even when you pull it out as a surprise.
...The above person gets hit simultaneusly by three super claymores that do about 20+ M.D. even though he is an S.D.C. being which completely decimates him and everything he is wearing.
...The GM roles a double ought to see if the Nuke on above persons back goes off.
One of the players suggests that a lone frontal attack against a CS-NGR joint military expedition, and none of the others bat an eyelid.
...When the party starts making plans based on the assumption that the lone frontal attack will succeed.
When you've just spent half an hour discussing the plight of the downtrodden in Chi-Town, handed out photocopies of research you've done about the common man in Nazi Germany, and gone into intricate detail on a description of the social expectations that a society like the CS would have from it's youth. And then one of the players says "Cool. Does that mean I can play my partial-conversion cyborg goblin with the crack habit in this campaign?"

[taalismn]

-A PC insists on roleplaying out a sexual encounter
-And the other PCs want to watch
-A PC manages to seduce a god/goddess
-Said god/goddess keeps showing up asking for more
-Other gods/goddesses want to watch
-The PC's vehicle generates more power than the Chi-Town Municipal Fusion Plants combined
-Desmond Bradford is offering the PCs an obscene amount of money for a tissue scrapping from them
-The arrival of the PCs in the Minion War has been known to cause both sides, locked in full-out melee, to come to a sudden ceasefire and mutual retreat from the field of battle
-The PCs own any(or all) of the following; Rune Underwear, Rune Pacifier/Binky, Rune Mop/Vacuum Cleaner, Rune Pom-Poms, Rune Bottle-opener, Rune Duster, Rune Marital Aide...
-Unable to remember where they left their favorite magical weapon, the PCs decide to make a 'quick trip' down to the CS Black Vault to 'pick up something cheap just for the next game'.
-One of the PCs collects dragons...the live ones...
-Another PC collects Alien Intelligences
-The next PC collects Old Ones

[taalismn]

-You keep a count of the number of times the GM has let you kill Sailor Moon in his game ("...let's see...boomgun to the face...missile massacre....Carpet of Adhesion and Sphere of Annihilation...oh, that was good...")

-Your GM has actually created a 'Twilight' scenario for Rifts

-Your party has a controlling stock interest in Naruni Enterprises

[Shawn Merrow]

An old bit of RPG humor was based around the actions of these type of players "Real Men, Real Role-players, Real Loonies, Real Psychopaths & Real Munchkins Humor." Found some of my old ones.


The arch-types go Christmas Shopping
Real Men: Buy ammo reloads for all of their friends cool weapons.
Real Role-players: Buys their friends book and if they don't know how to read teaches them.
Real Loonies: Buys swimming lessons for the Vampires down the street.
Real Psychopaths: Since it's the holidays decides to kill their friends quickly instead of slowly torturing them to death.
Real Munchkins: To busy blowing things up to have friends.


Favorite things to do at a Millennium Tree.
Real Men: Wants to get every magic item the tree can make.
Real Role-players: Want to learn from the tree and will return all magic items to the tree.
Real Loonies: Tries to tap the tree to get maple syrup for his/her pancakes.
Real Psychopaths: Get themselves a ton of chemical defoliant, and spray it all over the place, laughing maniacally as the benevolent, magical, home to a thousand people begins to wilt and die.
Real Munchkins: Tries to get the G.M. to allow him/her to shrink the tree down to the size of a staff. With the ability to kill Gods, Alien/Vampire Intelligence's with a single blow.
The Psychopath section was added by Ghoull


What to do when those two weeks of rations runs out.
Real Men: Grabs his trusty energy rifle goes out and shoot a Rhino-Buffalo and has a large barbecue.
Real Role-players: Uses all his foraging skills to find something to eat from the indigenous plant life.
Real Loonies: Caries around a bag full of Twinkies since they have a shelf life of 2,000 years.
Real Psychopaths: Considers the rest of the players to be emergency field rations.
Real Munchkins: Has evolved beyond the need for food and gives the GM a weird look when he brings up the subject.

[taalismn]

Since you bring up Christmas:

Rifts Celebrates Christmas

Celebration in General:
Real Men: Jesus Christ, A-Number-One, Top-of-the-Heap, Give Me That Old Fashioned Religion, Hallelujah(or any variation thereof, with respect to their religion of choice)
Real Role Players: Quietly pay respect to all religions, acknowledging the season as one of community, solidarity in the face of hardship, and celebration, not of any one religion, but of the perserverence of spirit
Real Loonies: Celebrate Ed Sullivan Day
Munchkins: Simultaneously nuke Chi-Town and Atlantis, announcing it as ‘Their Christmas Gift to the World’, thus indeliably etching their name in connection with Christmas

When Laying Out the Feast:
Real Men: Go out and slay a prime example of Beast Dragon, barbecue it up with their secret family recipe passed down from their parents, serve with the fixings and bottles of vintage European wines they personally looted from a Coalition General’s private stock
Real Role Players: Crack open their stock of MREs, supplemented with what game they’ve been able to hunt up, share with that flask of ‘good cheer’ they;ve been carefully husbanding for several weeks.
Real Loonies: Pour maple syrup and fruit gonk on the local frozen lake in anticipation of the biggest Sno-Cone ever!
Munchkins: Reveal themselves to have been trained, as a hobby, by some of the Megaverse’s finest chefs, produce a kitchen filled with the sort of ingredients not seen since the days of intercontinental travel

When Helping Out Those in Need:
Real Men: Go out and beat up/kill whatever monster/local bad guy is giving the poor folks any trouble, regardless of whether or not there IS anyone giving them trouble.
Real Role Players: Give of what little they have, even if it hurts
Real Loonies: Distribute ‘So You Want to be a Millionaire” board game, post-Rifts version
Munchkins: Open up their transdimensional pockets, write out a blank check that can be somehow be cashed by the local barter economy, throw in a hospital and toys for local orphans. If orphans are not available, the locals will get an orphanage too, plus orphans...

When Giving Gifts:
Real Men: 12-gauge, triple-barreled, ruggerized, night vision scoped, laser-sighted, underbarrel grenade launcher and siderails, with a dozen ammunition clips thrown in, and ivory handle personally stenciled by Julian Amici himself
Real Role Players: Give of themselves; handcrafted goods, practical tools, food preserves, IOUs for skills
Real Loonies: Gift-wrapped hair-trigger-rigged plasma grenades
Munchkins: The complete thirty volume set of "The Annotated Wit and Wisdom of (Insert Munchkin's name here)" with accompanying biography, and CD/DVD versions of same.

When Getting the Tree:
Real Men: Twenty-five feet tall, corrosion-proof, three-inch thick sintered megadamage composite plate with enameled leaves, everlast nuclear battery, electrical-shock anti-vermin defense, motion-detection-activated musical system, and a light system powerful enough to chisel the Christmas spirit on onlookers’ optical nerves.
Real Role Players: Don’t cut down any trees....leave natural things in their place, especially since any tree you’d be getting, you’ll be disposing of a few days later anyway...
(Magic Users)Use spells like Illusory Forest
Real Loonies: Paint themselves green, and stand perfectly still with branches in their arms, all the while thinking: "Be the Tree, Be the Tree..."
Munchkins: Bring home and decorate Yggdrasil

When Waiting for Santa:
Real Men: Hew and haw and bluster that he doesn’t exist...then set motion detectors around the living room and feign sleep
Real Role Players: Knowing that there is no Santa, humor the rest of the party, then quietly sneak their presents in under the tree, when everyone else is asleep
Real Loonies: See every fat jolly old elf as a conspiracy and hold them at gun point, while demanding to know who appointed THEM judge of who's naughty or nice!
Munchkins: Have a personal satellite launched to track his leaving the North Pole

Do’s and Don’ts for the Holiday Season---Rifts Style
(Just a random collection of odd thoughts and snippets tracking across my frontal lobes)

*Real Men! Now offering enamel-decorated, nuclear-powered, corrosion-proof, megadamage Christmas Trees with nuclear powerplant and multiple strobe lighting systems! Optional motion-detector-triggered 140 decibel jingle audio and electro-shock vermin repulsion system! Available now from your friendly local Barnum and Overkil retail dealers!
*Be sure to mail out all your invitations and holiday greetings six months in advance if sending across the country!
*Remember, the old Christmas story line describing ‘a jolly old elf’ was a figure of speech...pestering elves for gifts will soon prove that while many may be old, darn few are ‘jolly’!
*Mages! Try out Illusory Forest, Illusory Terrain, and that Northern Lights spell for a truly unforgettable Christmas decoration display...It won’t last forever, but at least you don’t have to take down all the lights afterwards!
*Emperor Prosek dolls make great gifts---except for ex-Tolkeenites, d-bees, mages, Lazloites, diehard Coalition fanatics, etc...
*Munchkins! Spending a minimum of 100,000 credits per friend for gifts is in this year! So don’t be behind the times!
*NEVER let the Crazy mix the holiday drinks
*Seedling Millenium Trees make great gifts for the long term!
*Rogue Scholars! Before giving books as gifts, make sure the recepient can actually read. Better yet, give the gift of Literacy!
*Icefishing with grenades---definite no-no
*Druids! Hoist that mistletoe high! Tis your season!
*Don’t expect the Coalition to be any more merciful this year than last...But keeping suitable bribe gifts for that certain someone in the black and white armor can’t hurt either.
*Glitterboys! The ‘candy cane look’ is out. Try training a multicolored strobe light on your armor for maximum effect!
*The Druidic Council wishes to advise all Bursters that attempting to light multiple candles on trees, using only pyrokinetic powers, will NOT be tolerated in the wake of several surprise forest fires.
*Plasma weaponry is NOT appropriate for defrosting and broiling, except in the most extreme situations
*Operators! Remember to thoroughly rugrat-test all toys you’re making this year! Beware of small parts, shoddy construction, and hair-triggers.
*Give the gift that keeps on giving---Give your friends an authentic pre-Rifts fruitcake!
*The sudden appearance of bright shining lights in the sky and foreign strangers can mean many things, among them:
a) Another alien invasion
b) Coalition patrol with air support
c) You’re about to be dragooned on a Quest
d) Somebody else’s problem
e) You’re WAAAYYYYYY off course
f) Winter Olympics
*Crazies! 200 tons of maple syrup and fruit gonk + one small, frozen-over, freshwater pond = world’s biggest Sno-Cone
*Nothing sez Holidays like Spam! And Twinkies! Together!
*Treat your local vampire with the gift of a complete silverware set this season!
*Letting the group’s Crazy stick a carrot on the face of that Ice Monster that Warlock just set loose on you is NOT conducive to survival
*’Borgs! (Or anyone who really loves them) Make sure you have plenty of appropriate adapter plugs for all those appliances you’ll be (expected to) plugging in!
*Remember...when giving out alien technology, technowizardry items, or rune magic, be sure to write down where you got it, and include all instructions and user information in the language of the person you’re giving it to!
*Tip all carolers generously---odds are, they’re packing more heat than you are..
*Psychics! Mindreading your friends to find out what they really want for gifts is nice, but unsporting. Likewise, mindreading to find out what they got YOU is cheating.
*Never argue with a Splurgorth as to whether or not it’s a stocking or a glove they’re trying to hang over the mantle.
*Surprise your friends this year with a brand new Behemoth Explorer!(this promotional paid for by Titan Works, Inc.)
*Shortlived idea---Megadamage wrapping paper!
*Cutting the Christmas Roast Beast with a vibroblade lacks class...Chainsaws on the other hand...
*Remember the secret to making good eggnog is to start with good nog...

[Balabanto]

The Lord of the Deep takes advice from your PC's on how to drive people insane.

Your PC's ask you why they can't publish a map of the world because they've been mapping as they go, and they've been everywhere.

Santa Claus leaves his stocking empty, knowing your PC's will fill it.

Splynncryth pays tribute to your PC's.

The Emperor of the Coalition States is a player character

Splynncryth automatically fails his Horror Factor check versus your PC's.

[dragonfett]

When everyone in the party is a multi-millionaire because they sold their old leader into slavery.
When the party's driven halfway up the main street of Lazlo and you've just remembered about the "**** you all, Prosek be da MAN!" bumper sticker on one of their cars.
When an entire six-hour gaming session came to nothing because they spent all day speculating about the troll in Vampire Kingdoms that looks like a Village People extra.
When you leave the Vampire Kingdoms book behind, and the entire six hour session is instead wasted on pseudo-Freudian analysis of all those dick-guns Long drew.
When you find yourself as GM saying "Yes, closer inspection reveals that the dead man has a bag of smack up his ass."
When yet another six-hour gaming session is wasted, this time by someone who's played Macho Women With Guns trying to find one picture, just one picture in all of Rifts of a chick who's decently clothed, has small ****, and isn't better armed than a US postal worker.
It's Rifts. It has to be true that all the women in the art (Ms. Tarn excepted) have to be Bikini Women With Guns. (two points if you caught that obscure reference.)
When your gaming sesion seems like something out of Knight of the Dinner Table.
Or even worse something from one of the Black Hands Gaming Society's games. <eg>
Or your Gargoyle Mage has a boom gun... Hey
Or about a real situation when I let my friend Guess GM cause I had to work...
A phone call:
Caller: (Estatiatic)... Guess what J. killed a Spulgorth...
Me: What!: Why?: How?
Caller: Well he cast two sphere's of annihilation, and got inside the Spoolgie... (Laughs) Me: You let him do what!
Caller: Guess what...
Me: What?
Caller: He raided a Spulgorth Magical Armory, and we made off with *several* rune weapons.
Me: How many, which ones?
Caller: 3 Swords of Impaler, 4 Swords of Alantic and a Pair of Thunderer Rune Axes.
Me: Bye.
That's when you have problems!
Your GM puts you through a scenario he based off the Evil Dead movies. (First time I've ever seen a borg in a fistfight with a zombie...)

[taalismn]

-Your mage juggles Spheres of Annihilation, knowing that even if he drops one, he has enough SDC that it's a minor flashburn
-You keep the Lord of the Deep in a fishbowl on your table top
-You've ever annihilated a solar system, and had the audacity to say '...oops...'
-You ever killed a PPE leech by overfeeding it

[Shawn Merrow]

The most popular TV Station on Center devotes a week of special programs on your group every year.

[taalismn]

-You can identify the floor of every bar in every major community on Rifts Earth and in Center by touch(particularly its feel on your face)
-You know how every major sentient being in Rifts tastes in comparison to chicken
-They created a new alignment just to describe you
-Your birthday is celebrated across the Megaverse
-Conversely, the day they finally put you away for good is ALSO celebrated across the Megaverse
-Erin Tarn plagarizes you
-Karl Prosek qoutes you, repeatedly and at length
-Thoth has you on his 'Contact in case of emergency' speed-dial file
-In the Megaversal Encyclopedia of All Knowledge, your picture is featured under the entry definition of 'Awesome'
-Palladium Books has put out a multi-volume sourcebook all about you, and nothing but you.

[Aaryq]

Erin Tarn plagarizes you

You forgot to add "In Soviet Russia"

[taalismn]

-Your GM has his own drinking game based on your PC party
-Your GM needs sedatives to get through a game
-Your dice have ever spontaneously melted or exploded
-Your GM has ever spontaneously melted or exploded
-Your personal sidearm has a range exceeding the diameter of the Earth
-Your Shifter channels the Goddess of Latex
-Your PC party has ever fought a giant PPE-saturated Twinki-Or the STaypuff Marshmellow Man
-Your GM is working the campaign with a 'literary' theme...Pride and Prejudice, The Cherry Orchard, Madame Bovary, Emma, Tess of the DeUrbavilles,....
-The police have ever been called to break up one of your games.

[Shawn Merrow]

Your, PC keep Shelob in their garage to control the pest problem.

[taalismn]

-Your PCs have ever hit romantically on the Angel of Death
-Or her mother.
-Or BOTH, simultaneously
-One of your PCs whittles Millenium Trees when he's bored
-Your chewing tobacco is considered to be a cross-dimensional biohazard
-Your PCs have set back the T'Zee population problem for several millenia through sudden attrition.
-You have a black hole garbage disposal system on your RV
-You've ever EATEN a body to get rid of the evidence

[Kalidor]

A PC's ley line walker knows all the spells of legend.

The group's ley line walker has a Spell of Legend NAMED after him

The group's ley line walker INVENTED all the Spells of Legend.

One of the players names becomes a power word.

Unfortunately the players name is Mike Hunt.

/apologies

Are you sure you weren't thinking of Mike Hawk, or was it Jack Hoff? (I actually knew someone named the latter).

In high school there was a kid named Jack Goff and he was always getting called to the office.

huh??? is wrong with parents?

[Jorel]

One of the players names becomes a power word.
Unfortunately the players name is Mike Hunt.
/apologies

Are you sure you weren't thinking of Mike Hawk, or was it Jack Hoff? (I actually knew someone named the latter).

In high school there was a kid named Jack Goff and he was always getting called to the office.

huh??? is wrong with parents?

There is a Discovery Chanel series starring Myke Hawke called "Man, Woman, Wild". Has anyone on these boards seen Myke Hawke on TV?

[Killer Cyborg]

One of the players names becomes a power word.
Unfortunately the players name is Mike Hunt.
/apologies

Are you sure you weren't thinking of Mike Hawk, or was it Jack Hoff? (I actually knew someone named the latter).

In high school there was a kid named Jack Goff and he was always getting called to the office.

huh??? is wrong with parents?

There is a Discovery Chanel series starring Myke Hawke called "Man, Woman, Wild". Has anyone on these boards seen Myke Hawke on TV?

Here's some footage of Myke Hawke:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1fMo-g5LIs

[Jorel]

One of the players names becomes a power word.
Unfortunately the players name is Mike Hunt.
/apologies

Are you sure you weren't thinking of Mike Hawk, or was it Jack Hoff? (I actually knew someone named the latter).

In high school there was a kid named Jack Goff and he was always getting called to the office.

huh??? is wrong with parents?

There is a Discovery Chanel series starring Myke Hawke called "Man, Woman, Wild". Has anyone on these boards seen Myke Hawke on TV?

Here's some footage of Myke Hawke:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1fMo-g5LIs

I don't feel safe following any link where anyone offers footage of Myke Hawke.

[dragonfett]

LOL

[taalismn]

-Your PCs have ever hit romantically on Nxla, Devourer of Souls
-Or the Lord of the Deep for that matter
-And get Valentine's Day cards from them as a result
-They've had a disease named for them
-They've had a mental disorder named for them
-The GM has become the first person in the Real World to have acquired it.

[dragonfett]

This happened to me (or rather the group I am a part of) not too long ago (i.e., last night). This particular group that I am in is in one of the glorious chatrooms that PB hosts here, as a matter fact.

Our group had just made it to a small hamlet when a couple of the players had to log off to go out to eat with their families. The villagers pleaded for us to protect them from the robots that were going to come and attack them that night, which we agree to. As we set up defensive positions, we learn that the beach on either side of the dock was a mine field. Eventually, before the battle began, at least one of the players had returned (I can't remember if both made it back in time for the combat) and had his player go inspect the beach. This is pretty much what followed:

GM: You're going on to the beach into the mine field?
Player: There is a MINE FIELD?!

Then there was the incident in the RL game that I GM at my house where the party got ambushed by a Thornhead Demon and 2 Brodkils. During the battle, one of my players says the following:

"I am going to attack KIIIIID VENISON!!!(the Thornhead)"

[dragonfett]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v388/technobubblegum/macrotastics/killyouwithmybrain.jpg

[Damian Magecraft]

... You (the gm) start using Grimtooths traps and the PCs complain that the delves are still too easy.

[dragonfett]

Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
'How to Serve Dragons' is not a cookbook.
Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a superhero.
When surrendering, I am to hand the sword over HILT first.