Robotech Blooper Reels

[batlchip]

Mean while in a padded cell....Sits a straight jacketed Corg.
Rick:Max i'm getting really tired of that Edwards guy.
Max:You shouldn't let him bother you.I mean he doesn't bother me.
(Edwards walks around the corner and stops.)
Edwards:Good day war hero,sir.Excuse me four eyes but which way to the mess?
Max:Turn left and go three steps.It's a big yellow door.
Edwards:(while turning his back on them)Guess your not as blind as they say.
Rick:Max you know that's an emergency airlock right?
(red lights start flashing and there's a high pitch scream then nothing.
Max:See I told you he dosen't bother me.

[Alpha 11]

Invid Nurse: "But doctor! How can we tell when the leeches are done?"
Invid Doctor: "Tht's easy! When it's a big, engorged, fat, discolored slimy slug-like...oh...Yes, I can see we might have a problem..."

Mean while in a padded cell....Sits a straight jacketed Corg.
Rick:Max i'm getting really tired of that Edwards guy.
Max:You shouldn't let him bother you.I mean he doesn't bother me.
(Edwards walks around the corner and stops.)
Edwards:Good day war hero,sir.Excuse me four eyes but which way to the mess?
Max:Turn left and go three steps.It's a big yellow door.
Edwards:(while turning his back on them)Guess your not as blind as they say.
Rick:Max you know that's an emergency airlock right?
(red lights start flashing and there's a high pitch scream then nothing.
Max:See I told you he dosen't bother me.

[taalismn]

Emil Lang: "Edwards? He duz not bruther me! You forget who iz in charge of ze ship's technical and engineering divisions!"
(Cut to Edwards in his bathroom, afixing his metal faceplate---with Polident---while looking in the mirror, leaning forward to practice his sinister smug grin)
*WHAM*
(He suddenly slams forward, facefirst into the mirror. He staggers back, dazed by the impact)
*WHAM*
(Again he slams forward into the mirror)
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
(He has been rapidly face-crashed into the mirror, which is obviously not mirror-backed glass...maybe more like chrome steel)
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
(He manages to pull away and stagger to the door)
*WHAM*
(The door coldcocks him)
(Nearly unconscious, he staggers to his bed and falls back onto it, face a mess, breathing hard. After a moment of nothing happening, though, he manages to regain ahold of himself)
*WHAM*
(That's when his metal-framed bed gets pulled upwards into full-on collision with the ceiling)

(Cut back to: Lang)
Lang: "Electromagnets...such wonder things, no?"

[Alpha 11]

Emil Lang: "Edwards? He duz not bruther me! You forget who iz in charge of ze ship's technical and engineering divisions!"
(Cut to Edwards in his bathroom, afixing his metal faceplate---with Polident---while looking in the mirror, leaning forward to practice his sinister smug grin)
*WHAM*
(He suddenly slams forward, facefirst into the mirror. He staggers back, dazed by the impact)
*WHAM*
(Again he slams forward into the mirror)
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
(He has been rapidly face-crashed into the mirror, which is obviously not mirror-backed glass...maybe more like chrome steel)
*WHAM*
*WHAM*
(He manages to pull away and stagger to the door)
*WHAM*
(The door coldcocks him)
(Nearly unconscious, he staggers to his bed and falls back onto it, face a mess, breathing hard. After a moment of nothing happening, though, he manages to regain ahold of himself)
*WHAM*
(That's when his metal-framed bed gets pulled upwards into full-on collision with the ceiling)

(Cut back to: Lang)
Lang: "Electromagnets...such wonder things, no?"

I love it!

[taalismn]

"Look at it this way, T.R., SOMETHING finds you attractive!"

[Alpha 11]

"Look at it this way, T.R., SOMETHING finds you attractive!"

[taalismn]

"You know, T.R., you might be more effective if you spent less time admiring yourself in front of the mirror and more time doing actual work?"
*whimper*

[Alpha 11]

"You know, T.R., you might be more effective if you spent less time admiring yourself in front of the mirror and more time doing actual work?"
*whimper*

[taalismn]

Why We'll Never See a Live-Action Robotech Movie:

Product Placement Issues:
(Invid attack with hordes of Invid Scouts buzzing around, throwing #### and spreading death and destruction. Our heroes are up against the wall-literally- when a big red thing comes busting through it from behind them)
Cool Aide Guy: "Oh YEeeaahhh!!!"
(Off-Camera Technical Consultant just breaks down and sobs...)

[Alpha 11]

Why We'll Never See a Live-Action Robotech Movie:

Product Placement Issues:
(Invid attack with hordes of Invid Scouts bussing around, throwing #### and spreading death and destruction. Our heroes are up against the wall-literally- when a big red thing comes busting through it from behind them)
Cool Aide Guy: "Oh YEeeaahhh!!!"
(Off-Camera Technical Consultant just breaks down and sobs...)

[taalismn]

Product Placement in Live-Action Robotech Movie:

"You know, little brother, I might actually be able to fill you on important storyline information if wasn't for THIS DAMN PEPSI-COLA MACHINE BARGING BETWEEN US AND THE CAMERAS!!!!"

Lisa Hayes: "Is it really necessary for me to have a window seat right in the middle of the 'Virgin Galactic' name-slogan on the side of the shuttle for that close-in external shot?!"

Minmei: "Can anybody actually SEE me behind all these shampoo bottles? I don't even USE mousse!"

[Alpha 11]

Product Placement in Live-Action Robotech Movie:

"You know, little brother, I might actually be able to fill you on important storyline information if wasn't for THIS DAMN PEPSI-COLA MACHINE BARGING BETWEEN US AND THE CAMERAS!!!!"

Lisa Hayes: "Is it really necessary for me to have a window seat right in the middle of the 'Virgin Galactic' name-slogan on the side of the shuttle for that close-in external shot?!"

Minmei: "Can anybody actually SEE me behind all these shampoo bottles? I don't even USE mousse!"

[taalismn]

Roy Fokker: "NO! We will NOT have a shower scene where I'm applying a spray-on tan!"
Kyle: "I'm NOT an 'All-Spice' guy!"
Miriya: "I'm NOT doing a centerfold for 'Guns and Ammo'!"
Max Sterling: "I'm BLIND in Raybans!"

[Chris]

Max Sterling: "Im BLIND in Raybans!"

Estrada!

[taalismn]

"The Invid using Miracle-Gro to increase Flower of Life yield? Good luck trying to work THAT into the script!"

[taalismn]

Product Placement: Robotech:

Dolza, Breetai, and Khyron are all lined up with drinking glasses in their hands and milk mustaches on their lips.

MILK. IT MAKES BODIES BIG AND STRONG.

[Alpha 11]

Roy Fokker: "NO! We will NOT have a shower scene where I'm applying a spray-on tan!"
Kyle: "I'm NOT an 'All-Spice' guy!"
Miroya: "I'm NOT doing a centerfold for 'Guns and Ammo'!"
Max Sterling: "Im BLIND in Raybans!"

Product Placement: Robotech:

Dolza, Breetai, and Khyron are all lined up with drinking glasses in their hands and milk mustaches on their lips.

MILK. IT MAKES BODIES BIG AND STRONG.

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Alright, that milk one made me laugh. Right, Sharo *Rathorc looks to his shoulder as a small lizard let's out a gleeful chirp*?

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

"And here in Tennessee we age our clones in genuine white oak casks for that supreme mellowness and maturity...ain't that right, Zor?"
(Cut to an utterly besodden Zor Prime rising out of one of the aging barrels, looking physically and metaphorically pickled, with an expression that he doesn't have a CARE in the world...)
" There you have it; no complaints. Jack Daniel's...Clone Responsibly."

[Alpha 11]

"And here in Tennessee we age our clones in genuine white oak casks for that supreme mellowness and maturity...ain't that right, Zor?"
(Cut to an utterly besodden Zor Prime rising out of one of the aging barrels, looking physically and metaphorically pickled, with an expression that he doesn't have a CARE in the world...)
" There you have it; no complaints. Jack Daniel's...Clone Responsibly."

[taalismn]

Lisa Hayes walks by with a large garbage bag slung over her shoulder. She stops, looks into the camera. Smiles.
"Hefty garbage bags, made tough and stretchable for those big and awkward loads you just HAVE to keep under wraps."
There's sudden motion from the bag, as if something inside is trying in vain to get out...
Lisa bounces the bag off the ground stopping the motion.
"Now with convenient cinch-sack closures!"
She slings the bag and starts off again...Just as a full-sized Azonia heads by in the opposite direction with a huge bag of similar appearance slung over her shoulder...only there's a pair of Zentraedi boots sticking out of the top.
As the two women pass each other, they share a conspiratorial wink.

[Alpha 11]

Lisa Hayes walks by with a large garbage bag slung over her shoulder. She stops, looks into the camera. Smiles.
"Hefty garbage bags, made tough and stretchable for those big and awkward loads you just HAVE to keep under wraps."
There's sudden motion from the bag, as if something inside is trying in vain to get out...
Lisa bounces the bag off the ground stopping the motion.
"Now with convenient cinch-sack closures!"
She slings the bag and starts off again...Just as a full-sized Azonia heads by in the opposite direction with a huge bag of similar appearance slung over her shoulder...only there's a pair of Zentraedi boots sticking out of the top.
As the two women pass each other, they share a conspiratorial wink.

[taalismn]

Rick Hunter, Lisa Hayes, Lynn Minmei, and Lynn Kyle find themselves forced to share an elevator. THey're not talking to each other as the door closes. Awkward moment ensues.
Suddenly the elevator lurches, the lights flicker and go out, there's the sound of a loud kiss and a sudden slap of flesh hitting flesh HARD.
When the lights come on, Kyle's sporting a black eye...
Their thoughts:
Lisa: Oh, those two! Couldn't wait to put the moves on her, could he! But...I'm surprised she defended herself!
Minmei: OOOhhhhhh!!! Kyle, you rat! Going after that...that...! Serves you right getting fresh with her, and in front of ME! Now if only Rick would put the moves on me...
Kyle: Hunter, you military rat! Putting the moves on women like that! And as always, it's the civilians who pay for the indiscretions of the military!
Rick: It was worth kissing my hand just to punch out Kyle.

[taalismn]

Other elevators:


Kiss!
SMACK!
Both Lisa and Minmei have black eyes.

Kiss!
SMACK!
EVERYBODY has a black eye.

Kiss!
SMACK!
We don’t see Kyle at all behind Minmei; only the haft of an ENORMOUS sledgehammer sticking up.

Kiss!
SMACK!
Minmei: It was worth kissing my hand just to slug Kyle.

Kiss!
*SHUFT!*
#THUD#
Minmei: It was worth kissing my hand just to shoot Kyle.

Kiss!
*PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT*
Kyle’s on the floor with about a dozen arrows sticking out of him.

Kiss!
SMACK!
Kyle’s got TWO black eyes, Minemi’s got a gob-smacked look on her face, and Rick and Lisa are looking rather disheveled, sweaty, and out of sorts as they’re hurriedly redoing their clothing.

Kiss!
SMACK!
As before, only Rick and Lisa are fully dressed, Rick’s looking suspiciously at Kyle, and Lisa’s obviously VERY pregnant.

Kiss!
“AYIEE--!”
SNARLF!
Kyle’s missing; Minmei’s gnawing on what looks like a femur.

Kiss!
JAB!
Kyle’s alone on the elevator, surrounded by Borneo headhunters with spears who are looking at him strangely.

Kiss!
Hissstttt!!!
As before, only Kyle finds himself on the elevator with the Queen Alien and two drones...

Kiss!
SNICK!
As before, only Kyle’s on the elevator with a male and two female Predators.

Kiss!
PHOMPHT!(x3)
Kyle finds himself facing....
Rick Hunter dressed as Batman, Lisa Hayes as Wonderwoman, and Minmei as Green Lantern.
Kyle: “...I suppose you have secret identities to protect, don’t you?...”
Rick, Lisa, and Minmei all nod their heads, cracking their knuckles...

Kiss!
#”...urk...!”#
The only visible sign of Kyle is a blood streak up the back wall of the elevator.
Lisa: It’s nice to have ninjas on speed-dial.

Kiss!
#Da-NAHT!Da-NAHT!Da-NAHT!#
“GGGYYYAHHHHHHH!!!!!”
Kyle’s gone completely.
Rick: I warned them about elevator sharks, but does anybody listen? Nooooo....

Kiss!
CRACK!
“....oooooowwwwww...”
Lisa’s got Kyle’s arm in a complicated-looking hold and it’s clear his arm has somehow telescoped in reverse. Tears are running down Kyle’s face as it’s obvious he’s in GREAT pain.
Lisa: “That kissing your own hand trick only works if nobody else knows about it, Kyle.”

[Alpha 11]

Rick Hunter, Lisa Hayes, Lynn Minmei, and Lynn Kyle find themselves forced to share an elevator. THey're not talking to each other as the door closes. Awkward moment ensues.
Suddenly the elevator lurches, the lights flicker and go out, there's the sound of a loud kiss and a sudden slap of flesh hitting flesh HARD.
When the lights come on, Kyle's sporting a black eye...
Their thoughts:
Lisa: Oh, those two! Couldn't wait to put the moves on her, could he! But...I'm surprised she defended herself!
Minmei: OOOhhhhhh!!! Kyle, you rat! Going after that...that...! Serves you right getting fresh with her, and in front of ME! Now if only Rick would put the moves on me...
Kyle: Hunter, you military rat! Putting the moves on women like that! And as always, it's the civilians who pay for the indiscretions of the military!
Rick: It was worth kissing my hand just to punch out Kyle.

Other elevators:


Kiss!
SMACK!
Both Lisa and Minmei have black eyes.

Kiss!
SMACK!
EVERYBODY has a black eye.

Kiss!
SMACK!
We don’t see Kyle at all behind Minmei; only the haft of an ENORMOUS sledgehammer sticking up.

Kiss!
SMACK!
Minmei: It was worth kissing my hand just to slug Kyle.

Kiss!
*SHUFT!*
#THUD#
Minmei: It was worth kissing my hand just to shoot Kyle.

Kiss!
*PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT**PHOFT*
Kyle’s on the floor with about a dozen arrows sticking out of him.

Kiss!
SMACK!
Kyle’s got TWO black eyes, Minemi’s got a gob-smacked look on her face, and Rick and Lisa are looking rather disheveled, sweaty, and out of sorts as they’re hurriedly redoing their clothing.

Kiss!
SMACK!
As before, only Rick and Lisa are fully dressed, Rick’s looking suspiciously at Kyle, and Lisa’s obviously VERY pregnant.

Kiss!
“AYIEE--!”
SNARLF!
Kyle’s missing; Minmei’s gnawing on what looks like a femur.

Kiss!
JAB!
Kyle’s alone on the elevator, surrounded by Borneo headhunters with spears who are looking at him strangely.

Kiss!
Hissstttt!!!
As before, only Kyle finds himself on the elevator with the Queen Alien and two drones...

Kiss!
SNICK!
As before, only Kyle’s on the elevator with a male and two female Predators.

Kiss!
PHOMPHT!(x3)
Kyle finds himself facing....
Rick Hunter dressed as Batman, Lisa Hayes as Wonderwoman, and Minmei as Green Lantern.
Kyle: “...I suppose you have secret identities to protect, don’t you?...”
Rick, Lisa, and Minmei all nod their heads, cracking their knuckles...

Kiss!
#”...urk...!”#
The only visible sign of Kyle is a blood streak up the back wall of the elevator.
Lisa: It’s nice to have ninjas on speed-dial.

Kiss!
#Da-NAHT!Da-NAHT!Da-NAHT!#
“GGGYYYAHHHHHHH!!!!!”
Kyle’s gone completely.
Rick: I warned them about elevator sharks, but does anybody listen? Nooooo....

Kiss!
CRACK!
“....oooooowwwwww...”
Lisa’s got Kyle’s arm in a complicated-looking hold and it’s clear his arm has somehow telescoped in reverse. Tears are running down Kyle’s face as it’s obvious he’s in GREAT pain.
Lisa: “That kissing your own hand trick only works if nobody else knows about it, Kyle.”

[taalismn]

More Elevator Scenes:

Doors open, Kyle pushes his way out, grabbing Minmei by the arm as he does.
Suddenly there's a SCREECH of brakes outside and everybody in the elevator goes .
Minmei gets pulled back just as the elevator door closes, leaving Kyle on the wrong side as he just plain BOGGLES at whatever's approaching...

Doors open, Kyle pushes his way to the front, looks CAUTIOUSLY outside before stepping out and reaching back for Minmei.
BANG!
Thud!
Look of shock on everybody else's faces as the elevator door closes.

The doors of the elevator open and the inisde is lit in lurid red, distorted by heat. The occupants boggle in shock.
Next shot is of Kyle's screaming face as he's pushed out of the elevator just before the doors close.

[batlchip]

Another group of elevator scenes:

A bunch of horns sound, the doors open and a man on a horse and dressed in roman armor steps in the elevator.

Kiss!
Minmei starts to turn green and grow larger...

[taalismn]

Scenes from an Elevator:

(Elevator Doors Opening)
The four are dressed in each others' clothing.

(Elevator Doors Opening)
They're all dressed in Roman togas.

(Elevator Doors Opening)
They're in Star Trek uniforms

(Elevator Doors Opening)
They're all dressed as Vikings.

(Elevator Doors Opening)
Lisa's in a bunny suit, Rick's dressed as Elmer Fudd, Minmei's dressed as Tweety, and Kyle's dressed as Pepe LePhew

(Elevator Doors Opening)
Bellbottoms, peace symbols, long hair, sandals, psychedelic colors...It's That 60's Show.
Kyle: "Not complaining, dude, at least I'm not getting beat up."

(Elevator Doors Opening)
Lisa, Rick, and Minmei are all wearing raincoats that are splashed with red. Kyle's missing.
Lisa: "Need I remind everybody I have ninjas on speed-dial?"

[Rathorc Lemenger]

They're not just Ninja's, they Ninja Pirates.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

They're not just Ninja's, they Ninja Pirates.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

(Elevator doors close)
"Aaarrrrrrr!!!"
Kyle: "...oh $#!+. Be gentle ..."

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Lol. Although for some reason, I just pictured Minmei done up as a pirate princess and Rick dressed as Jack Sparrow.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

[taalismn]

Lol. Although for some reason, I just pictured Minmei done up as a pirate princess and Rick dressed as Jack Sparrow.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

(Elevatpr Doors Open)
Rick's dressed as Captain JACK Sparrow, Minmei as a Barbardos pirate wench, Lisa as a Kingston socialite...only Kyle's not in costume, looking utterly disgusted with the shennanigans of his cousin and the military types..
At least until the giant tentacle darts into the elevator and hauls him out screaming...

[Alpha 11]

More Elevator Scenes:

Doors open, Kyle pushes his way out, grabbing Minmei by the arm as he does.
Suddenly there's a SCREECH of brakes outside and everybody in the elevator goes .
Minmei gets pulled back just as the elevator door closes, leaving Kyle on the wrong side as he just plain BOGGLES at whatever's approaching...

Doors open, Kyle pushes his way to the front, looks CAUTIOUSLY outside before stepping out and reaching back for Minmei.
BANG!
Thud!
Look of shock on everybody else's faces as the elevator door closes.

The doors of the elevator open and the inisde is lit in lurid red, distorted by heat. The occupants boggle in shock.
Next shot is of Kyle's screaming face as he's pushed out of the elevator just before the doors close.

Another group of elevator scenes:

A bunch of horns sound, the doors open and a man on a horse and dressed in roman armor steps in the elevator.

Kiss!
Minmei starts to turn green and grow larger...

Scenes from an Elevator:

(Elevator Doors Opening)
The four are dressed in each others' clothing.

(Elevator Doors Opening)
They're all dressed in Roman togas.

(Elevator Doors Opening)
They're in Star Trek uniforms

(Elevator Doors Opening)
They're all dressed as Vikings.

(Elevator Doors Opening)
Lisa's in a bunny suit, Rick's dressed as Elmer Fudd, Minmei's dressed as Tweety, and Kyle's dressed as Pepe LePhew

(Elevator Doors Opening)
Bellbottoms, peace symbols, long hair, sandals, psychedelic colors...It's That 60's Show.
Kyle: "Not complaining, dude, at least I'm not getting beat up."

(Elevator Doors Opening)
Lisa, Rick, and Minmei are all wearing raincoats that are splashed with red. Kyle's missing.
Lisa: "Need I remind everybody I have ninjas on speed-dial?"

They're not just Ninja's, they Ninja Pirates.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

(Elevator doors close)
"Aaarrrrrrr!!!"
Kyle: "...oh $#!+. Be gentle ..."

Lol. Although for some reason, I just pictured Minmei done up as a pirate princess and Rick dressed as Jack Sparrow.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.

(Elevatpr Doors Open)
Rick's dressed as Captain JACK Sparrow, Minmei as a Barbardos pirate wench, Lisa as a Kingston socialite...only Kyle's not in costume, looking utterly disgusted with the shennanigans of his cousin and the military types..
At least until the giant tentacle darts into the elevator and hauls him out screaming...

[taalismn]

(Elevator Scene)
Lynn Kyle is in the elevator with the three Bridge Bunnies.
The elevator stops.
The Bridge Bunnies turn to Kyle.
They smile.
They all have vampire fangs.
Kyle: "...Damn you, 'Twilight'..."

[Alpha 11]

(Elevator Scene)
Lynn Kyle is in the elevator with the three Bridge Bunnies.
The elevator stops.
The Bridge Bunnies turn to Kyle.
They smile.
They all have vampire fangs.
Kyle: "...Damn you, 'Twilight'..."

[taalismn]

(Elevator scene, again)
Kyle finds himself on the elevator with the three Zentraedi spices, Bron, Kinda, and Rico.
He looks at them.
They look at him.
Kyle: "...great, Zentraedi..."
Voice from above: "And ninjas!"
Voice from behind Kyle: "ARRRRR!!! And pirates!"
Rico: "Well, we just happen to be Zentraedi Ninja Pirates!"
"Is that honorable?!"
"ARRR!!! Impossible!"
"No ninja can be a pirate scum!"
"ARRR!!! No right member of the Brotherhood can be a cowardly ninja!"
"We're ZENTRAEDI! Anything is possible for us!"
"Die, ganjin heathen!"
"ARRRR!!Put up your blades you ninja scurvydogs!"
"Oh yeah, prepare to meet your doom, micronian malcontents!"
Kyle: "..Never mind me..."
"You're either with us or against us, 'martial artist'!"
"Choose a side or feed the fish with your entrails, you landlubber!"
"You talk a good fight, Micronian, but do you really have it?"
Kyle: "...can't we just give peace a chance...?"
"NO!"

*****
SDF-1 Technician: "Bob, put elevator twenty-four on standby and declare it out of order...Yes, AGAIN! The damn emergency buzzer's on the fritz again...long shrilling like somebody permanently locked it in the 'on' position."

[batlchip]

Alright folks it's time for batlchip's strange tales of huh?
Rand:Scott come quick! We got big trouble!
Scott:What is it Rand Invid,zentraedi,Predators or Annie on a sugar rush with a gun.
Rand:No Lancer got drunk,stripped to his birthday suit and is playing on of his songs with a bass using no hands!

Scenes of a elevator: With Kyle, T.R Edwards and Field Marshal Leonard.
The lights come on: Edwards and Kyle are in school girl uniforms,while Leonard is in a nun outfit.
the lights come on:Kyle is dressed in a lace teddy Edwards is in hot pink booty shorts and a tank top and Leonard is dressed as a Tentcle monster.
Meanwhile,Kyron sits in the production booth with a evil smile on his face and a mad glint in his eyes.

[taalismn]

Scenes of a elevator: With Kyle, T.R Edwards and Field Marshal Leonard.
The lights come on: Edwards and Kyle are in school girl uniforms,while Leonard is in a nun outfit.
the lights come on:Kyle is dressed in a lace teddy Edwards is in hot pink booty shorts and a tank top and Leonard is dressed as a Tentcle monster.
Meanwhile,Kyron sits in the production booth with a evil smile on his face and a mad glint in his eyes.

Kyle: "MY EYES! MY EYES!!!"
Minmei: "MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!MY LARGE EXPRESSIVE BLEEDING-FROM-THE-SOCKETS EYES!!!"
Rick: "MY EYES! I MUST--Lisa, why'd you take my gun away?"
Lisa: "Don't worry, I'll leave a round for you when I'm done."

[Alpha 11]

(Elevator scene, again)
Kyle finds himself on the elevator with the three Zentraedi spices, Bron, Kinda, and Rico.
He looks at them.
They look at him.
Kyle: "...great, Zentraedi..."
Voice from above: "And ninjas!"
Voice from behind Kyle: "ARRRRR!!! And pirates!"
Rico: "Well, we just happen to be Zentraedi Ninja Pirates!"
"Is that honorable?!"
"ARRR!!! Impossible!"
"No ninja can be a pirate scum!"
"ARRR!!! No right member of the Brotherhood can be a cowardly ninja!"
"We're ZENTRAEDI! Anything is possible for us!"
"Die, ganjin heathen!"
"ARRRR!!Put up your blades you ninja scurvydogs!"
"Oh yeah, prepare to meet your doom, micronian malcontents!"
Kyle: "..Never mind me..."
"You're either with us or against us, 'martial artist'!"
"Choose a side or feed the fish with your entrails, you landlubber!"
"You talk a good fight, Micronian, but do you really have it?"
Kyle: "...can't we just give peace a chance...?"
"NO!"

*****
SDF-1 Technician: "Bob, put elevator twenty-four on standby and declare it out of order...Yes, AGAIN! The damn emergency buzzer's on the fritz again...long shrilling like somebody permanently locked it in the 'on' position."

Alright folks it's time for batlchip's strange tales of huh?
Rand:Scott come quick! We got big trouble!
Scott:What is it Rand Invid,zentraedi,Predators or Annie on a sugar rush with a gun.
Rand:No Lancer got drunk,stripped to his birthday suit and is playing on of his songs with a bass using no hands!

Scenes of a elevator: With Kyle, T.R Edwards and Field Marshal Leonard.
The lights come on: Edwards and Kyle are in school girl uniforms,while Leonard is in a nun outfit.
the lights come on:Kyle is dressed in a lace teddy Edwards is in hot pink booty shorts and a tank top and Leonard is dressed as a Tentcle monster.
Meanwhile,Kyron sits in the production booth with a evil smile on his face and a mad glint in his eyes.

Me eyes, me eyes!!

Scenes of a elevator: With Kyle, T.R Edwards and Field Marshal Leonard.
The lights come on: Edwards and Kyle are in school girl uniforms,while Leonard is in a nun outfit.
the lights come on:Kyle is dressed in a lace teddy Edwards is in hot pink booty shorts and a tank top and Leonard is dressed as a Tentcle monster.
Meanwhile,Kyron sits in the production booth with a evil smile on his face and a mad glint in his eyes.

Kyle: "MY EYES! MY EYES!!!"
Minmei: "MY EYES!! MY EYES!!!MY LARGE EXPRESSIVE BLEEDING-FROM-THE-SOCKETS EYES!!!"
Rick: "MY EYES! I MUST--Lisa, why'd you take my gun away?"
Lisa: "Don't worry, I'll leave a round for you when I'm done."

[taalismn]

(Elevator Scene)
Lynn Kyle gets on the elevator(you'd think he'd know better) and finds himself facing Captain Gloval, Emil Lang, and Roy Fokker.
Kyle: "Oh GREAT...the war-monger trio..."
Captain Gloval: "You know we passed the Moon today?"
Lang: "Oh really? How'd it look?"
(LURCH)(STTTOOPPPPPPP)
(Lights go out)
Fokker: "Full."
GGGRRRWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOLLLLLLLLLLLRRUUUUUUUUUU
Kyle: "..oh $#!+...."

[Alpha 11]

(Elevator Scene)
Lynn Kyle gets on the elevator(you'd think he'd know better) and finds himself facing Captain Gloval, Emil Lang, and Roy Fokker.
Kyle: "Oh GREAT...the war-monger trio..."
Captain Gloval: "You know we passed the Moon today?"
Lang: "Oh really? How'd it look?"
(LURCH)(STTTOOPPPPPPP)
(Lights go out)
Fokker: "Full."
GGGRRRWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOLLLLLLLLLLLRRUUUUUUUUUU
Kyle: "..oh $#!+...."

Tock me a second to get that one.

[taalismn]

(Elevator Scene)
Lynn Kyle gets on the elevator(you'd think he'd know better) and finds himself facing Captain Gloval, Emil Lang, and Roy Fokker.
Kyle: "Oh GREAT...the war-monger trio..."
Captain Gloval: "You know we passed the Moon today?"
Lang: "Oh really? How'd it look?"
(LURCH)(STTTOOPPPPPPP)
(Lights go out)
Fokker: "Full."
GGGRRRWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOLLLLLLLLLLLRRUUUUUUUUUU
Kyle: "..oh $#!+...."

Tock me a second to get that one.

You wouldn't HAVE a second under those circumstances.

[Alpha 11]

(Elevator Scene)
Lynn Kyle gets on the elevator(you'd think he'd know better) and finds himself facing Captain Gloval, Emil Lang, and Roy Fokker.
Kyle: "Oh GREAT...the war-monger trio..."
Captain Gloval: "You know we passed the Moon today?"
Lang: "Oh really? How'd it look?"
(LURCH)(STTTOOPPPPPPP)
(Lights go out)
Fokker: "Full."
GGGRRRWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOLLLLLLLLLLLRRUUUUUUUUUU
Kyle: "..oh $#!+...."

Tock me a second to get that one.

You wouldn't HAVE a second under those circumstances.

Very true.

[batlchip]

Scenes from a elevator.

The doors open and Lyn Kyle gets in with a small green teddy bear that's wearing a military uniform and a set of dogtags.
The doors open a large woman gets in and says to Rick. "Death by snoo snoo!"
The doors open and Lisa shoots Kyle in the back of the head.
Lisa:oops. Friendly fire.sorry.

[taalismn]

(Elevator Scene)
Kyle finds himself surrounded by inanimate 'My Little Pony' dolls..
Kyle:"...okay...this doesn't bode well..."
(Elevator stops. Lights go out.)
Kyle:"....and..I hate it when I'm right..."
STAMPEDE.
TRAMPLE.

[Alpha 11]

Scenes from a elevator.

The doors open and Lyn Kyle gets in with a small green teddy bear that's wearing a military uniform and a set of dogtags.
The doors open a large woman gets in and says to Rick. "Death by snoo snoo!"
The doors open and Lisa shoots Kyle in the back of the head.
Lisa:oops. Friendly fire.sorry.

Sorry, try again.

(Elevator Scene)
Kyle finds himself surrounded by inanimate 'My Little Pony' dolls..
Kyle:"...okay...this doesn't bode well..."
(Elevator stops. Lights go out.)
Kyle:"....and..I hate it when I'm right..."
STAMPEDE.
TRAMPLE.

[taalismn]

(Scene of an Elevator)
Kyle's in the back of an elevator behind a rank of men in white coats
(Slam)*KLUNG*
Man: "Oh dear, the elevator appears to be stuck."
Man2:"Could be a while; elevators get low priority aboard a space battleship."
Man3: "What could we do to pass the time?"
Man4: "We could talk business. I mean, we ARE all attending a dentists' convention."
Man1:(now obviously identified as a dentist)"Oh, I just GOTTA show you guys some of the neat tools I picked up from the vendors! You just GOTTA see these babies in action!"
(holds up a double handful of sharp gleaming dentistry instruments)
Other three dentists: "EEEEEEeewwwwwwwww........!!!!"
Dentist1: "Yeah, but like I said, you HAVE to see these things in action!"
(Eyes swivel to the back of the elevator)
(Meanwhile Kyle's leaping for the ceiling hatch)

****

(Shot of the elevator doors outside; a group of white coated men standing around the closed doors)
Man: "Damn! Missed the elevator!"
(POV pulls back to show the sign behind them: 'Macross City Proctologists' Convention Welcomes You!"

[Alpha 11]

(Scene of an Elevator)
Kyle's in the back of an elevator behind a rank of men in white coats
(Slam)*KLUNG*
Man: "Oh dear, the elevator appears to be stuck."
Man2:"Could be a while; elevators get low priority aboard a space battleship."
Man3: "What could we do to pass the time?"
Man4: "We could talk business. I mean, we ARE all attending a dentists' convention."
Man1:(now obviously identified as a dentist)"Oh, I just GOTTA show you guys some of the neat tools I picked up from the vendors! You just GOTTA see these babies in action!"
(holds up a double handful of sharp gleaming dentistry instruments)
Other three dentists: "EEEEEEeewwwwwwwww........!!!!"
Dentist1: "Yeah, but like I said, you HAVE to see these things in action!"
(Eyes swivel to the back of the elevator)
(Meanwhile Kyle's leaping for the ceiling hatch)

****

(Shot of the elevator doors outside; a group of white coated men standing around the closed doors)
Man: "Damn! Missed the elevator!"
(POV pulls back to show the sign behind them: 'Macross City Proctologists' Convention Welcomes You!"

[taalismn]

Trust me; you don't want to know how Robotechnology enhances colonoscopies...

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Eep....... I'd REALLY hate to be Kyle right now.

Signed,
Rathorc Lemenger.