Clowns

Library Ogre · Unread post by **Library Ogre** » Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:37 pm

*giggle*

I wrote the bulk of an article today, explaining why clowns are able to get the kings of the world to assassinate false clowns. It makes sense, it's not silly, and adds to the world.

*giggle*

Marrowlight · Unread post by **Marrowlight** » Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:41 pm

Tease!

Share, imo.

Library Ogre · Fri Mar 27, 2009 10:58 pm

I'll share the opening:

Princes of the Universe

His Majesty, King Frederick Mercurius XXIII, slowly strode down the central carpet of his throne room. Every seventh step, he spoke a phrase, prescribed by ancient ritual. He stated the powers of the throne, an office he would assume when the sun reached its zenith in an hour's time. Each phrase spoke of the fealty of the realm to the king, of the king's power of high and low justice, of the treasury and the tax, the gaol and the axe. All these powers he took to himself, king of the land.
Every seventeenth step, he assumed a piece of regalia, taking ancient advice from a member of his staff. A cloak from the steward of his castle, and the advice "Let your law settle lightly on the people, and they will wear it well." A key from the Chancellor of the Exchequer, who said "Tax lightly in peace, so your people will stay rich." An orb from the Justicer; "Judge innocence and guilt carefully, and execute with a heavy heart; heads, once doffed, are not lightly returned." A scepter from the General of his armies, and the admonishment that "Wars ruin lands and slay your subjects, but give no ground to conquerors." From his queen, grave in her youth and pale in her wedding gown, he received his crown. "Be king, and father of kings. Uneasy rests the kingdom without an heir; uneasy rests the king who raises his heir to sloth and ignorance."
King Frederick knelt a moment before the throne. In a phrasing so old that none knew the origin, he stood before assembled throng, noble and common alike, and intoned an ancient oath.
"I am Frederick, son of John, son of Dean, son of Brian, King of Rhye. I pledge myself to the prosperity of the realm and the safety of its people. I will give justice to those wronged, comfort to those bereaved, and uphold the rights of peers of the realm and all those who uphold it. I pledge to this by my Life, my Fortune, and my sacred Honor."
As he settled onto the throne, the noontide sun shone down upon the land, and a roar rose throughout the hall, the city, and the kingdom. It was a roar of a free people, whose freedom would flow from the throne for another generation.

Regomancy is the magic of kingship. Wielding it, a monarch can bring victory to his armies, prosperity to his realm, and obedience to his laws. In practice, it is an art of ritual; formulas which must be strictly followed to be successful. It draws its strength from the regard of the people for their king; their love for a good king, or their fear of a cruel one. Its effects, however, are subtle; people of a regomantic land do not become mindless zombies, unable to disobey their lord. Instead, the realm itself comes to obey the monarch, bringing forth prosperity, even in times of hardship.

Northern Ranger · Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:02 pm

My God Mark, you may finally have written something I won't be able to read. I'm one of those rare people who has an over riding and frankly debilitating fear of clowns. My whole family know of it and my children love to torment me with it. But I hate clowns. HATE THEM! Still, if you wrote it, I'm sure it's good.

Goliath Strongarm · Sat Apr 11, 2009 12:57 am

GAH! after reading that, I suddenly heard Ol' Blue Eyes singing "Send in the Clowns"... You always could give me nightmares! And no, I don't mean the wonderfully evil mounts!

So, we going to see this on website, or Rifter? Hrmmm???

Library Ogre · Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:32 am

Goliath Strongarm wrote:GAH! after reading that, I suddenly heard Ol' Blue Eyes singing "Send in the Clowns"... You always could give me nightmares! And no, I don't mean the wonderfully evil mounts!

So, we going to see this on website, or Rifter? Hrmmm???

I'm going to be submitting it to the Rifter. I need to spend a bit editing it, still, but the draft is done.

I find I submit about one article per Rifter.

gaby · Unread post by **gaby** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:55 pm

They do not have Clowns in medieval times,they have Court Jester.
But it,s up to you.

Goliath Strongarm · Sun Apr 12, 2009 9:28 pm

gaby wrote:They do not have Clowns in medieval times,they have Court Jester.
But it,s up to you.

Palladium already has the clown guild established. So, it's not a stretch.

Remember, this isn't all about historical accuracy, so much as GAME WORLD ACCURACY!

As gamers, we can do what we want with our worlds

And, furthermore, a brief check on the history of clowning tells us:

The art of clowning has existed for thousands of years. A pygmy clown performed as a jester in the court of Pharaoh Dadkeri-Assi during Egypt’s Fifth Dynasty about 2500 B.C. Court jesters have performed in China since 1818 B.C. Throughout history most cultures have had clowns.

You can find out more about the real history at:
http://www.clown-ministry.com/index_1.p ... _bruce_jo/

Now, that said, I have always supported clowns in fantasy rpg's... they bring levity, smiles, and shudders of fear.

Clowns zombie ninja assassins from mars... now THAT is something to fear!

Northern Ranger · Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:12 am

Goliath Strongarm wrote:
gaby wrote:Clowns zombie ninja assassins from mars... now THAT is something to fear!

God I hate you!

Goliath Strongarm · Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:28 am

Northern Ranger wrote:
Goliath Strongarm wrote:
gaby wrote:Clowns zombie ninja assassins from mars... now THAT is something to fear!

God I hate you!

Could have been worse...

Clown Zombie Ninja Pirate Assassin Prostitutes from Mars.....

Now THAT would have been evil of me

And Nexx... you have noone to blame but yourself for the direction this thread has gone...

Library Ogre · Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:05 am

Did I blame anyone? I knew what clowns like Northern Ranger would do with it. ;-)

Northern Ranger · Mon Apr 13, 2009 3:20 pm

Mark Hall wrote:Did I blame anyone? I knew what clowns like Northern Ranger would do with it.

AAARrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!! :frust:

I hate you all!

Really, I do!!!

Looking forward to reading that article Mark.

Library Ogre · Unread post by **Library Ogre** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 4:18 pm

Northern Ranger wrote:
Mark Hall wrote:Did I blame anyone? I knew what clowns like Northern Ranger would do with it.

AAARrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!

I hate you all!

Really, I do!!!

Looking forward to reading that article Mark.

I need to find who is doing the art, when and if it goes into the Rifter. I want to see if I can make them draw Cirga dressed as a clown. ;-)

Goliath Strongarm · Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:55 pm

Mark Hall wrote:I need to find who is doing the art, when and if it goes into the Rifter. I want to see if I can make them draw Cirga dressed as a clown.

Wrong. On SOOO many levels, just wrong!

Besides, I wanna see KS done as a Zombie Clown....

Northern Ranger · Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:29 am

Bastards. That's it, you're all just bastards.

:lol:

Library Ogre · Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:24 am

Northern Ranger wrote:Bastards. That's it, you're all just bastards.

I prefer the term "hand and a half", thank you very much. ;-)

Shawn Merrow · Unread post by **Shawn Merrow** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 3:43 pm

Northern Ranger wrote:My God Mark, you may finally have written something I won't be able to read. I'm one of those rare people who has an over riding and frankly debilitating fear of clowns. My whole family know of it and my children love to torment me with it. But I hate clowns. HATE THEM! Still, if you wrote it, I'm sure it's good.

Hate to break it to you but Mark is an evil clown. You, wouldn't believe his monthly make-up bill. :eek:

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sun Apr 26, 2009 2:54 pm

Or does palladium books want to do a jester occ?

gaby · Unread post by **gaby** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:08 am

Any ideas for Jester ,s skills?

BookWyrm · Unread post by **BookWyrm** » Mon Apr 27, 2009 10:05 am

No, Clown Zombie Pirate Monkey-Style Ninja Catgirl Prostitute from Mars in a bunny suit is the Ultimate in eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil. :twisted:

Lt Gargoyle · Unread post by **Lt Gargoyle** » Fri May 08, 2009 1:34 am

gaby wrote:Any ideas for Jester ,s skills?

Puplic Speaking
Dance
Sing
play musical instrument
Acrobatics
Juggling
imitate voices and impersonations
Ventriloquism
Palming
Concealment (Most should be able to hide small things in thier custumes)
WP knife. (Seemed a logical wp)
wp throwing weapon (Seemed a logical wp)
Hand to hand martial arts (most jesters should be top pyshical shape and in control of thir bodies)

Here are the skills I think most should have.

you could have several types of jesters. A standard preformer, sure (boring). But years ago I played a jester in another game who was secretly in love with the groups Female paladin since they were children. She was the daugther of one of the nobles in the court and my character was the child of the court jester. Following in his fathers foot steps he mastered the arts of his profession and then learned some combat skills. He focused his skills in hand to hand and small weapons that he could hide. And when she was of age and ready for her first assignment from the church my character was ready and enlisted as her personal entertainer and secret body guard. It was tons of fun to role play, because our DM/GM and I did not tell others my character was in love with her. They only knew we knew each other from court. So there could be multible styles of Jesters. Body guards, much like a true bard of old.

Northern Ranger · Wed May 13, 2009 9:48 pm

Clowns... why does it always have to be clowns?

Why couldn't you have written an article about... oh, I don't know... vampire hookers? Now THAT would have been a good read!

Clowns.

:clown:

Library Ogre · Wed May 13, 2009 11:23 pm

Northern Ranger wrote:Clowns... why does it always have to be clowns?

Why couldn't you have written an article about... oh, I don't know... vampire hookers? Now THAT would have been a good read!

'Cause your mom wouldn't give me any quotes. ;-)

Oddly enough, though, I've been thinking about Gygax's "Wandering Prostitute" table...

Northern Ranger · Thu May 14, 2009 1:02 am

Mark Hall wrote:
Northern Ranger wrote:Clowns... why does it always have to be clowns?

Why couldn't you have written an article about... oh, I don't know... vampire hookers? Now THAT would have been a good read!

'Cause your mom wouldn't give me any quotes.

Oddly enough, though, I've been thinking about Gygax's "Wandering Prostitute" table...

I can't believe you went there!
:badbad:

Okay... yes I can.

Library Ogre · Thu May 14, 2009 10:09 am

Northern Ranger wrote:
Mark Hall wrote:
Northern Ranger wrote:Clowns... why does it always have to be clowns?

Why couldn't you have written an article about... oh, I don't know... vampire hookers? Now THAT would have been a good read!

'Cause your mom wouldn't give me any quotes.

Oddly enough, though, I've been thinking about Gygax's "Wandering Prostitute" table...

I can't believe you went there!

Okay... yes I can.

Your mom? I'd hardly be alone in going there... ;-)

Northern Ranger · Thu May 14, 2009 12:19 pm

Library Ogre · Thu May 14, 2009 12:33 pm

Northern Ranger · Thu May 14, 2009 2:09 pm

Marrowlight · Unread post by **Marrowlight** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:05 pm

Library Ogre · Unread post by **Library Ogre** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:12 pm

<this post last edited by Marrowlight at 5:37PM>

cyber-yukongil v2.5 · Thu May 14, 2009 8:41 pm

did anyone hear that annoying grinding noise

RockJock · Unread post by **RockJock** » Thu May 14, 2009 11:56 pm

The thread has gone on this long and no Insane Clown jokes? I am truly disappointed in you all, especially Mark. After the disappointment I just can't bring myself to stat out my Spraying Flower of Giggles for the Rifter.

In reality I also fall into the category of those who suffer from coulrophobia. My mother always blamed it on my dad taking me to a screening of a Cheech and Chong movie when I was a small child. It still haunts me in the quiet space inside my head:)

Library Ogre · Fri May 15, 2009 12:17 am

RockJock wrote:The thread has gone on this long and no Insane Clown jokes? I am truly disappointed in you all, especially Mark. After the disappointment I just can't bring myself to stat out my Spraying Flower of Giggles for the Rifter.

There's no ICP jokes for the same reason there's no jokes about cabbage futures: They're not funny. They're not interesting. They're, at best, stupid and pointless.

Marrowlight · Unread post by **Marrowlight** » Fri May 15, 2009 2:20 pm

Are you disrespecting on the Juggalo lifestyle Nexxy?

I knew there was a reason you were my favorite. :clown:

Jesterzzn · Unread post by **Jesterzzn** » Fri May 15, 2009 5:56 pm

Why do Mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?

Because they come with birth certificates.

Marrowlight · Unread post by **Marrowlight** » Fri May 15, 2009 6:18 pm

oh snap.

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Sat May 16, 2009 4:05 am

Congrats Mark! Just think now once this article is published we can have actual organized clown hunts!

cyber-yukongil v2.5 · Sat May 16, 2009 9:30 am

Jesterzzn wrote:Why do Mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?

Because they come with birth certificates.

my people are not amused

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:59 pm

how about space clowns?

Cinos · Unread post by **Cinos** » Mon Jan 28, 2013 1:12 pm

Oh Mark, you may have made my dreams come true. Depending on the direction you take visually with the clowns, I may have to buy it, which I shouldn't right now

Northern Ranger · Mon Jan 28, 2013 1:40 pm

Holy resurrected threads Batman! This even brought me out of hiding! I haven't been on these threads in... I don't even know how long!

Cinos · Unread post by **Cinos** » Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:02 pm

abe wrote:how about space clowns?

Wait. WHY DID YOU DO THIS? BEGONE FOUL NECROMANCER!

Seriously. If you're going to pull a thread from four years ago, have the decency to announce you're doing so.

Got my hopes all up. . . .

BookWyrm · Unread post by **BookWyrm** » Mon Jan 28, 2013 5:12 pm

Gah, space clowns......*shudder*

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sun Feb 17, 2013 1:57 am

think "Killer klowns from outer space" but with the various modifacation of course.

abe · Unread post by **abe** » Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:35 pm

any thoughts?

Northern Ranger · Mon Mar 25, 2013 12:07 am

Sounds utterly horrifying

zyanitevp · Unread post by **zyanitevp** » Wed Mar 27, 2013 4:47 am

Better ?- why are people trying to resurrect scary 4 year old threads...