Robotech Blooper Reels

[taalismn]

Kyle: "So, in order to get back in your good graces, all I gotta do is go back to school, attend synagogue a few times..."
Aunt Lena: "..talk to the rabbi..."
Kyle: "...and pay off my college bills."
Aunt Lena: "That's right."
Kyle: "Do you have ANY idea how steep interest on student loans is?! Where am I going to get that sort of money to pay for school, let alone continuing education?!"
Max: "You could always join the army and get on the G.I. bill."
Kyle: "That would be about the only thing I COULD-...nice try, father."

[Arnie100]

Minmei: "Rick just joined the Military, Uncle Max! They made him an officer, too!"
Kyle: "Who's Rick??"
Minmei: "My boyfriend!"
Kyle: "Puh-leeese...like anyone would believe THAT one!"
Uncle Max: "Now if I had a son...he'd be like Minmei's boyfriend!"
Kyle: "But...dad...you DO have a son!"

[taalismn]

Aunt Lena: "The sad news of it is, Kyle, if your life were to be made into a movie at this point, you'd most likely be played by Adam Sadler."
Kyle: "....that's a low blow, MOM."
Jason: "I'd kill myself if I was in your shoes."
Kyle: "JASON!!!!!"

[Alpha 11]

Kyle: "So, in order to get back in your good graces, all I gotta do is go back to school, attend synagogue a few times..."
Aunt Lena: "..talk to the rabbi..."
Kyle: "...and pay off my college bills."
Aunt Lena: "That's right."
Kyle: "Do you have ANY idea how steep interest on student loans is?! Where am I going to get that sort of money to pay for school, let alone continuing education?!"
Max: "You could always join the army and get on the G.I. bill."
Kyle: "That would be about the only thing I COULD-...nice try, father."

Minmei: "Rick just joined the Military, Uncle Max! They made him an officer, too!"
Kyle: "Who's Rick??"
Minmei: "My boyfriend!"
Kyle: "Puh-leeese...like anyone would believe THAT one!"
Uncle Max: "Now if I had a son...he'd be like Minmei's boyfriend!"
Kyle: "But...dad...you DO have a son!"

Aunt Lena: "The sad news of it is, Kyle, if your life were to be made into a movie at this point, you'd most likely be played by Adam Sadler."
Kyle: "....that's a low blow, MOM."
Jason: "I'd kill myself if I was in your shoes."
Kyle: "JASON!!!!!"

[Alrik Vas]

[Scene: From behind the SDF-1 where they cannot be seen, Khyron's forces prepare to attack!]
Gerraro: M'lord, the enemy's defenses seem to be weakest in the fourth quadrant.
Khyron: YOU FOOL, THAT'S WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS, DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO ATTACK THERE!?!?
Gerraro: Um..sir?
Akbar: It's a trap!

[Arnie100]

Gerao: "Well..."
Khyron: "What kind of a military genius do you think I am?!"
Gerao; "Uhhhmmm..."
Ackbar: "It's a --"
BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!
Khyron and Gerao: "Shut up, already!!" (After emptying their pistols)

[SRoss]

South American jungle...

Khyron: (Looking over the ruined cruiser) "This will be perfect. Soon the micronians will feel my wrath."

Gerao: "I don't know sir, something doesn't seem right."

Akbar: "It's a --"

#THUNK!#

Suddenly, the Ewoks attack!

[Arnie100]

(Annie suddenly arrives on the scene)

Annie: "Teddies and a fishie!"
Ewoks: "AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!"
Ackbar: "It was a tr --!"
Gerao: "How'd you do that, MiLord?!"
Khyron: "I gave her Corg's location!"

[taalismn]

L'Ron: "Please...no more Ewok jokes...I'll full-court dribble the next jack@$$ who tries to make an Ewok joke..."

[Arnie100]

Annie: (Waves hand) "YOU are my new teddy bear..."
L'Ron: "Wait...I'm not a --"
Annie: "You ARE a TEDDY BEAR..."
L'Ron: "I AM a teddy bear..."
Ewoks:

[taalismn]

"Scott! How can you eat stuff like this?! This ration pack tastes absolutely TOXIC!"
"Because, Rand, that's not a ration bar, it's boot polish."
" "

[Alpha 11]

[Scene: From behind the SDF-1 where they cannot be seen, Khyron's forces prepare to attack!]
Gerraro: M'lord, the enemy's defenses seem to be weakest in the fourth quadrant.
Khyron: YOU FOOL, THAT'S WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS, DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO ATTACK THERE!?!?
Gerraro: Um..sir?
Akbar: It's a trap!

Gerao: "Well..."
Khyron: "What kind of a military genius do you think I am?!"
Gerao; "Uhhhmmm..."
Ackbar: "It's a --"
BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM!!!!
Khyron and Gerao: "Shut up, already!!" (After emptying their pistols)

South American jungle...

Khyron: (Looking over the ruined cruiser) "This will be perfect. Soon the micronians will feel my wrath."

Gerao: "I don't know sir, something doesn't seem right."

Akbar: "It's a --"

#THUNK!#

Suddenly, the Ewoks attack!

(Annie suddenly arrives on the scene)

Annie: "Teddies and a fishie!"
Ewoks: "AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!"
Ackbar: "It was a tr --!"
Gerao: "How'd you do that, MiLord?!"
Khyron: "I gave her Corg's location!"

L'Ron: "Please...no more Ewok jokes...I'll full-court dribble the next jack@$$ who tries to make an Ewok joke..."

Annie: (Waves hand) "YOU are my new teddy bear..."
L'Ron: "Wait...I'm not a --"
Annie: "You ARE a TEDDY BEAR..."
L'Ron: "I AM a teddy bear..."
Ewoks:

"Scott! How can you eat stuff like this?! This ration pack tastes absolutely TOXIC!"
"Because, Rand, that's not a ration bar, it's boot polish."
" "

[taalismn]

Rand: "So...who'd like some fresh, rare, skunk-onna-stick? Oh come on, everybody! This is good healthy wilderness fare!"

[Alpha 11]

Rand: "So...who'd like some fresh, rare, skunk-onna-stick? Oh come on, everybody! This is good healthy wilderness fare!"

[Arnie100]

Rand: "So...who'd like some fresh, rare, skunk-onna-stick? Oh come on, everybody! This is good healthy wilderness fare!"

Scott: "I'll stick to my MREs, thank you! "
Annie: "You killed a stinkie!!"
Ariel: "What's a skunk?"
Scott & others:
Rand:

[taalismn]

Lunk: "I don't care what your wilderness survival and cooking skill stats are, Rand...you'd have to roll a natural twenty or its equivalent before that looks even REMOTELY appetizing, and we know the system doesn't work like that."

[Alpha 11]

Rand: "So...who'd like some fresh, rare, skunk-onna-stick? Oh come on, everybody! This is good healthy wilderness fare!"

Scott: "I'll stick to my MREs, thank you! "
Annie: "You killed a stinkie!!"
Ariel: "What's a skunk?"
Scott & others:
Rand:

Lunk: "I don't care what your wilderness survival and cooking skill stats are, Rand...you'd have to roll a natural twenty or its equivalent before that looks even REMOTELY appetizing, and we know the system doesn't work like that."

[taalismn]

Rand: "No, Scott, Water Moccasin is NOT an Earth name for watertight boots..."

[Alpha 11]

Rand: "No, Scott, Water Moccasin is NOT an Earth name for watertight boots..."

[taalismn]

Rand: "And Lancer? Those bushes you set your shower inside for privacy? That's poison ivy..."

[Arnie100]

Rand: "And Lancer? Those bushes you set your shower inside for privacy? That's poison ivy..."

Rand: "Lancer, you didn't put that near your...eeeewwwww...!"

[taalismn]

"Annie, you don't NEED lighter fluid to light a simple fire! Certainly not THAT muUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

[Arnie100]

"Someone please put Rand out...he'll burn down the whole forest running around like that!"

[taalismn]

"Our next wilderness survival lesson, happy campers, will be how to deal with third degree burns and the emotional trauma of premature hair, particularly eyebrow, loss."

[Alpha 11]

Rand: "And Lancer? Those bushes you set your shower inside for privacy? That's poison ivy..."

Rand: "And Lancer? Those bushes you set your shower inside for privacy? That's poison ivy..."

Rand: "Lancer, you didn't put that near your...eeeewwwww...!"

"Annie, you don't NEED lighter fluid to light a simple fire! Certainly not THAT muUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

"Someone please put Rand out...he'll burn down the whole forest running around like that!"

"Our next wilderness survival lesson, happy campers, will be how to deal with third degree burns and the emotional trauma of premature hair, particularly eyebrow, loss."

[Arnie100]

"Also; class, if someone by the name of Rand tries to teach you 'survival' skills, please report him to your nearest GMP representative, for everyone's safety...thank you! "

[taalismn]

"Also; class, if someone by the name of Rand tries to teach you 'survival' skills, please report him to your nearest GMP representative, for everyone's safety...thank you! "

"In my defense, I must point out that normally wilderness survival instructors either have the incentive of cheeseburgers or the threat of disciplinary action like courtmartial to motivate the students.
Nor do they have their students actively trying to kill them."
"Look, Rand, I already said I was sorry about the fish hooks..."

[Arnie100]

"And; besides Rand, did you stop to think that your methods may a be bit dangerous for others?"

[taalismn]

"And; besides Rand, did you stop to think that your methods may a be bit dangerous for others?"

(Rand begins developing an eye twitch)"-MY- methods...?"
"Well, yes, when you're teaching us how to boil water on a campfire, does it have to involve actual fire the first couple of times?"

[Arnie100]

"There was also that time you snared yourself in your own rabbit trap."
"Actually, that was really funny. I think even the rabbit was laughing at you!"
Rand:

[Alpha 11]

"Also; class, if someone by the name of Rand tries to teach you 'survival' skills, please report him to your nearest GMP representative, for everyone's safety...thank you! "

"Also; class, if someone by the name of Rand tries to teach you 'survival' skills, please report him to your nearest GMP representative, for everyone's safety...thank you! "

"In my defense, I must point out that normally wilderness survival instructors either have the incentive of cheeseburgers or the threat of disciplinary action like courtmartial to motivate the students.
Nor d they have their students actively trying to kill them."
"Look, Rand, I already said I was sorry about the fish hooks..."

"And; besides Rand, did you stop to think that your methods may a be bit dangerous for others?"

"And; besides Rand, did you stop to think that your methods may a be bit dangerous for others?"

(Rand begins developing an eye twitch)"-MY- methods...?"
"Well, yes, when you're teaching us how to boil water on a campfire, does it have to involve actual fire the first couple of times?"

"There was also that time you snared yourself in your own rabbit trap."
"Actually, that was really funny. I think even the rabbit was laughing at you!"
Rand:

[taalismn]

Rand: "But -I- wasn't the one who rigged a grenade to a simple snare trap!"
Scott: "That was me."
Rand: "Scott?! How could you?!"
Scott: "I thought you were teaching us anti-Invid tactics. You didn't clearly state that the objective was to secure dinner."
Lancer: "Plus we didn't expect you to trip that trap yourself..."
(flashback)
-zip-
"Okay, back on watcCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
/CRASH/
WHAM
swing-swing-swing
"...urk...okay...the world looks upside down, my leg feels like it's been pulled out of its socket by what feels like a tree snare....holler for help or cut myself loose...decisions, decisions..."
*CHING-BEEP*
"Oh shi-"
(end flashback)
Rand: "I have entirely too many of those 'oh shi-' moments."
Lunk: "Well, if you paid more attention to your surroundings you wouldn't get in situations like that."
Rand: "You're lucky that GMP officer is still hanging around."

[Alpha 11]

Rand: "But -I- wasn't the one who rigged a grenade to a simple snare trap!"
Scott: "That was me."
Rand: "Scott?! How could you?!"
Scott: "I thought you were teaching us anti-Invid tactics. You didn't clearly state that the objective was to secure dinner."
Lancer: "Plus we didn't expect you to trip that trap yourself..."
(flashback)
-zip-
"Okay, back on watcCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
/CRASH/
WHAM
swing-swing-swing
"...urk...okay...the world looks upside down, my leg feels like it's been pulled out of its socket by what feels like a tree snare....holler for help or cut myself loose...decisions, decisions..."
*CHING-BEEP*
"Oh shi-"
(end flashback)
Rand: "I have entirely too many of those 'oh shi-' moments."
Lunk: "Well, if you paid more attention to your surroundings you wouldn't get in situations like that."
Rand: "You're lucky that GMP officer is still hanging around."

What GMP officer?

[taalismn]

[

What GMP officer?

Presumably whichever GMP rep Arnie has lurking around to give Rand trouble.

Given that this is Bloopers, it's likely to be Nova...which is like assigning Agent Phil Coulson to meter-reading duty....

[Arnie100]

[

What GMP officer?

Presumably whichever GMP rep Arnie has lurking around to give Rand trouble.

Given that this is Bloopers, it's likely to be Nova...which is like assigning Agent Phil Coulson to meter-reading duty....

Nova: (Walking out of the shadows) "Let's go, Rand...I've seen enough to charge you with, with...something! Your friends decided it was in their best interests, namely their safety."
Rand: "C'mon, guys! It's not like anyone was seriously injured!"
Scott: "Ariel and Annie are still freaked out by what you did to the skunk a while back. Lancer's still trying to get rid of the poison ivy and Lunk's still putting out the fire you caused."

[taalismn]

[Nova: (Walking out of the shadows) "Let's go, Rand...I've seen enough to charge you with, with...something! Your friends decided it was in their best interests, namely their safety."
Rand: "C'mon, guys! It's not like anyone was seriously injured!"
."

...Except Rand....

Lancer effectively has cosmetic immunity...roll him down hills, smack him into trees, crashland him, punch him in the face....his nose remains unbroken, skin remains unbruised, and his hair retains that just-combed-and-windblown look.

Actually, in the entire New Generation arc, Rand and Rook are the only ones who really get banged up enough to warrant medical attention and bandages(Scott just groans alot and staggers back to his feet).
Somebody might wanna draw up a Banged-Up list to prove it, but I'm sure that the record will show Rand gets it the most, followed by Rook(deep leg cut), followed distantly by Lunk. Pre-Yellow Dancer Lancer does get hit hard enough to require bed rest, but in the course of current events, he only gets a concussion(Magruder) and is back up fast enough to Tarzan-rescue him in short order.

[SRoss]

Nova opens the cell door and pushes Rand in...

Nova: "Alright Corg! I need the cell, so you're being released!"

Corg: "YES!"

Nova: (Pointing at Annie) "In to her custody."

Corg: " "

[Arnie100]

Annie: "Time to go home, Mr. Snuggles!"
Corg: "NNNNOOOO!!" (Runs back into cell and kicks Rand out) "I'm staying where its safe!"
Rand, Nova and Annie:

[taalismn]

Corg: "I'm guilty of homicide, genocide, ecocide! I confess! I did it! I enjoyed it! MWHAHAHAHA, and all that! Now where's my SOLITARY CONFINEMENT!!!!???"

[SRoss]

Annie: "BAD! Mister Snuggles! I told your Mom, she said she's gonna change into something cute!"

Corg: (Clutching Nova's skirt) "FOR PROTOCULTURE'S SAKE, KILL ME BEFORE SHE DOES THIS TO ME AGAIN!!!"

[taalismn]

Lisa Hayes: "...my god...."
Claudia: "That's horrible!"
Sammie: "The poor man..."
Captain Gloval: "It's...unspeakable!"
Maistroff: "In all my years, I've never seen anything quite so...so....atrocious..."
Doctor Lang: "What?!"
Kim: (sigh) "Doctor, you may be a genuis and the effective founder of a whole new school of technology, but you do NOT know how to properly tie a necktie! Let me fix that for you before we go out to the reception."
Lang: ".... ..."

[Alpha 11]

[

What GMP officer?

Presumably whichever GMP rep Arnie has lurking around to give Rand trouble.

Given that this is Bloopers, it's likely to be Nova...which is like assigning Agent Phil Coulson to meter-reading duty....

[

What GMP officer?

Presumably whichever GMP rep Arnie has lurking around to give Rand trouble.

Given that this is Bloopers, it's likely to be Nova...which is like assigning Agent Phil Coulson to meter-reading duty....

Nova: (Walking out of the shadows) "Let's go, Rand...I've seen enough to charge you with, with...something! Your friends decided it was in their best interests, namely their safety."
Rand: "C'mon, guys! It's not like anyone was seriously injured!"
Scott: "Ariel and Annie are still freaked out by what you did to the skunk a while back. Lancer's still trying to get rid of the poison ivy and Lunk's still putting out the fire you caused."

Nova opens the cell door and pushes Rand in...

Nova: "Alright Corg! I need the cell, so you're being released!"

Corg: "YES!"

Nova: (Pointing at Annie) "In to her custody."

Corg: " "

Annie: "Time to go home, Mr. Snuggles!"
Corg: "NNNNOOOO!!" (Runs back into cell and kicks Rand out) "I'm staying where its safe!"
Rand, Nova and Annie:

[Alpha 11]

Corg: "I'm guilty of homicide, genocide, ecocide! I confess! I did it! I enjoyed it! MWHAHAHAHA, and all that! Now where's my SOLITARY CONFINEMENT!!!!???"

Annie: "BAD! Mister Snuggles! I told your Mom, she said she's gonna change into something cute!"

Corg: (Clutching Nova's skirt) "FOR PROTOCULTURE'S SAKE, KILL ME BEFORE SHE DOES THIS TO ME AGAIN!!!"

Lisa Hayes: "...my god...."
Claudia: "That's horrible!"
Sammie: "The poor man..."
Captain Gloval: "It's...unspeakable!"
Maistroff: "In all my years, I've never seen anything quite so...so....atrocious..."
Doctor Lang: "What?!"
Kim: (sigh) "Doctor, you may be a genuis and the effective founder of a whole new school of technology, but you do NOT know how to properly tie a necktie! Let me fix that for you before we go out to the reception."
Lang: ".... ..."

[taalismn]

Lang: "I can fix this!"
Kim: "If you try any more, we're going to have to CUT it off you."
Maistroff: "Neckties aren't supposed to wrap around your armpit like that..."

[Arnie100]

Lang: "This is my new veri-tie! The ultimate in men's fashion! A tie that ties itself!"
Rick: "I could use that!"

[taalismn]

Lang: "To operate it, you simply slide the tie clip here like SO-"
verrppbreep"gyahhh!!!"clang"AAAGGGHHHH!!!"dingslidddeeewerp"BLAAHHH!"zerpZIP'..urk!"
Gloval: " "
Lisa: "..I'm going to be sick...."
Claudia: "EMTs to the bridge wardroom! Bring jaws of life!"
Maistroff: "Is there a chiropractor on this ship?"
Kim: "..what is it with men and gadgets?"

[SRoss]

Things Never To Enhance With ROBOTECHnology

#1: Neckties.

[taalismn]

Things Never To Enhance With ROBOTECHnology

#1: Neckties.

#2 Marital Aides
#3 Softdrink Machines
#4 Blenders
#5 Hair Curlers
#6 Chia Pets
#7 Golf Carts
#8 Rombas
#9 Donuts
#10 Laser Copiers

[Arnie100]

Things Never To Enhance With ROBOTECHnology

#11 Electric Shavers
#12 Baby carts

[taalismn]

Things Never To Enhance With ROBOTECHnology

#11 Electric Shavers
#12 Baby carts

#13 Porta-Johns
#14 Cigarette Lighters
#15 Kitchen Stoves
#16 Salad Shooters