Robotech Blooper Reels

[taalismn]

"Given the number of Edwards clones we kill, aren't you afraid of the 'Twinky Dilemma'?"
"Where we get a critical mass of Edwards busting containment? No, we use original 'Ayanami Protocols'...many bodies, same single soul. No critical mass."

Still, that's a lot of Edwards.

"Tell him about the Twinky."

[Alpha 11]

"Given the number of Edwards clones we kill, aren't you afraid of the 'Twinky Dilemma'?"
"Where we get a critical mass of Edwards busting containment? No, we use original 'Ayanami Protocols'...many bodies, same single soul. No critical mass."

Still, that's a lot of Edwards.

"Tell him about the Twinky."

[taalismn]

Things Not to Do At the Monument City Public Library:

*Criticize the Computer Systems, Even Though You Know the Librarian Had Nothing to Do with Sleection, Upkeep, or Programming---"Why'd you get such cruddy systems?"(snarkishly) "I'm willing t donate to buy you better ones!" "This is my tax dollars ate work?*" "You can't get it to work for me? Gee, what a help you've been!"
(*Note, the speaker doesn't actually pay taxes to Monument City)

*Use the Phrase 'You're Kidding Me!" or 'Seriously?!" in Response to an Answer to Your Questions: "So Minmei DIDN"T star in 'Gone With the Wind'? SERIOUSLY?!"

*Ignore the reference librarian's answers by answering 'But I'm SURE I remember Minmei in Gone with the Wind!" Act like you made a great personal discovery when enough evidence mounts that shows she was in an entirely different movie. "Oh, I remember her in that!"

*Constantly refer to the other staff letting you do something. "But the other librarian let me hack the GMP police files!" Forget what the name of the other staff members were. "Uhm, she's got glasses...I think..."

*Spend an hour having the librarian hunt down references to people in news articles, micromanaging the search at every step("No, you can't search for just the guy's name, it has to be in conjunction with the reporter!"). Forget what the article/news piece may have been about. Begin to regale the librarian with sordid details of your life and personal woes. Blame them on the guy you're looking for. Finally admit after the better part of two hours that you want to know if the guy was telling slanderous things about you to the reporters. Ask the librarian if he or she can get into the news station's reporter files to see if there's an investigative report being compiled on you and when it's going to be aired so you can sue the station and the guy to keep it from being released.
Refuse to refund the librarian the two hours of his life you just robbed.

*Talk Politics---Halfway through a question, interject a charged political statement. "Get that picture of Leonard off the screen. He;s an idiot!"

*Go Off On a Personal Tangent---Halfway through a question, start talking about your your sordid life and personal woes, your multiple illegitimate offspring, the third leg growing out of your back, and how you defaulted on your payments to buy a superdimensional fortress, to the point where the librarian has to repeatedly remind you to get back to the original question "What's the trade-in value on my hovercar?"

*Go Off On a (Somebody Else's) Personal Tangent---Halfway through a question, make a completely unsupported casual remark about the librarian's gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual preferences.

*Get Together With Others--Ask all of the above fifteen minutes before closing time.

With any luck, and if justice truly does exist in the megaverse, in response to any of the above, the librarian will hit you critically with the first round.

[SRoss]

Just a wild guess, you work in a library.

[taalismn]

Just a wild guess, you work in a library.

On any given work night, 1d4 things from that list will happen to me.
Despite being part-time, I'm REALLY looking forward to my (too-short) vacation this week.

[Alpha 11]

Things Not to Do At the Monument City Public Library:

*Criticize the Computer Systems, Even Though You Know the Librarian Had Nothing to Do with Sleection, Upkeep, or Programming---"Why'd you get such cruddy systems?"(snarkishly) "I'm willing t donate to buy you better ones!" "This is my tax dollars ate work?*" "You can't get it to work for me? Gee, what a help you've been!"
(*Note, the speaker doesn't actually pay taxes to Monument City)

*Use the Phrase 'You're Kidding Me!" or 'Seriously?!" in Response to an Answer to Your Questions: "So Minmei DIDN"T star in 'Gone With the Wind'? SERIOUSLY?!"

*Ignore the reference librarian's answers by answering 'But I'm SURE I remember Minmei in Gone with the Wind!" Act like you made a great personal discovery when enough evidence mounts that shows she was in an entirely different movie. "Oh, I remember her in that!"

*Constantly refer to the other staff letting you do something. "But the other librarian let me hack the GMP police files!" Forget what the name of the other staff members were. "Uhm, she's got glasses...I think..."

*Spend an hour having the librarian hunt down references to people in news articles, micromanaging the search at every step("No, you can't search for just the guy's name, it has to be in conjunction with the reporter!"). Forget what the article/news piece may have been about. Begin to regale the librarian with sordid details of your life and personal woes. Blame them on the guy you're looking for. Finally admit after the better part of two hours that you want to know if the guy was telling slanderous things about you to the reporters. Ask the librarian if he or she can get into the news station's reporter files to see if there's an investigative report being compiled on you and when it's going to be aired so you can sue the station and the guy to keep it from being released.
Refuse to refund the librarian the two hours of his life you just robbed.

*Talk Politics---Halfway through a question, interject a charged political statement. "Get that picture of Leonard off the screen. He;s an idiot!"

*Go Off On a Personal Tangent---Halfway through a question, start talking about your your sordid life and personal woes, your multiple illegitimate offspring, the third leg growing out of your back, and how you defaulted on your payments to buy a superdimensional fortress, to the point where the librarian has to repeatedly remind you to get back to the original question "What's the trade-in value on my hovercar?"

*Go Off On a (Somebody Else's) Personal Tangent---Halfway through a question, make a completely unsupported casual remark about the librarian's gender, ethnicity, religion, or sexual preferences.

*Get Together With Others--Ask all of the above fifteen minutes before closing time.

With any luck, and if justice truly does exist in the megaverse, in response to any of the above, the librarian will hit you critically with the first round.

Just a wild guess, you work in a library.

Just a wild guess, you work in a library.

On any given work night, 1d4 things from that list will happen to me.
Despite being part-time, I'm REALLY looking forward to my (too-short) vacation this week.

You have my sympathy.

[taalismn]

Dealing with problems in the libraries aboard the Factory Satellites is easier. though...Just crack open the airlocks(the books and the librarians are secured to stanchions, and the staff have emergency pressure suits). What doesn't get sucked out, suffocates or freeze-dries(I always tell folks who are late to leave the library at night that 'the air pumps start sucking the air out at nine sharp'.)

[Alpha 11]

Dealing with problems in the libraries aboard the Factory Satellites is easier. though...Just crack open the airlocks(the books and the librarians are secured to stanchions, and the staff have emergency pressure suits). What doesn't get sucked out, suffocates or freeze-dries(I always tell folks who are late to leave the library at night that 'the air pumps start sucking the air out at nine sharp'.)

[taalismn]

"Rand!? What are you doing back here? I thought you were at school in the city, broadening your horizons?"
"Oh, I was, but my horizons were being broadened as to what new forms of abuse could be heaped on me, so I figured I'd come back here instead."
"But...Rand...WE abuse you...."
"Thanks, Lunk, for the open admission of that. It touches me. But really, at least you people listen to me. Admittedly it's to me yelling 'Don't do that!", 'Get the anti-venom kit!", "Quick, please, tourniquet!" and "Don't point that at me!", but at least you listen, and occasionally actually LISTEN to what I'm trying to tell you. In the big city? Not so much."

[Arnie100]

"Rand? There's some girl here with a lot of big guns...says you need to come back to school..."
"Oh, NO. How did you find me in the middle of nowhere?!"
"Tracking device. Time to go back..."
"NOOOOOOOOO!!! You guys gotta help me!! SAVE ME!!!"
"She does have a lot of big guns..."
"You don't.know what they'll do to me!!"
"Actually...Sarah said she would hook us up with a live feed! So we wiill know what they'll do to you!"
"IT'S NOT FFFFFFFFAAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRR!!!" (Being dragged by the heels)

[Alpha 11]

"Rand!? What are you doing back here? I thought you were at school in the city, broadening your horizons?"
"Oh, I was, but my horizons were being broadened as to what new forms of abuse could be heaped on me, so I figured I'd come back here instead."
"But...Rand...WE abuse you...."
"Thanks, Lunk, for the open admission of that. It touches me. But really, at least you people listen to me. Admittedly it's to me yelling 'Don't do that!", 'Get the anti-venom kit!", "Quick, please, tourniquet!" and "Don't point that at me!", but at least you listen, and occasionally actually LISTEN to what I/m trying to tell you. In the big city? Not so much."

"Rand? There's some girl here with a lot of big guns...says you need to come back to school..."
"Oh, NO. How did you find me in the middle of nowhere?!"
"Tracking device. Time to go back..."
"NOOOOOOOOO!!! You guys gotta help me!! SAVE ME!!!"
"She does have a lot of big guns..."
"You don't.know what they'll do to me!!"
"Actually...Sarah said she would hook us up with a live feed! So we wiill know what they'll do to you!"
"IT'S NOT FFFFFFFFAAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRR!!!" (Being dragged by the heels)

[taalismn]

Now, is she paid as a truancy officer, or is she regarded as a trusty?

[Alpha 11]

Now, is she paid as a truancy officer, or is she regarded as a trusty?

Either way, she seems scary enough.

[taalismn]

"Quiet around here without Rand."
"A'yup."
"Too quiet."
"A'yup."
"Scott, why are you chewing on a sprig of grass while whittling?"
"Series contract requires a 'rustic character' in residence."
"You're not rustic, you're 'fish out of water'; the offworlder come to strange, strange Earth."
"They offered me time and a half to fill in for Rand while he's off-thread."
"...okay...and wasn't Lunk offered the position? He's the one who buys the farm in-story. Come to think of it, I'm an actor, why wasn't I offered the position? Not that I'd take it, mind you, but still, it's the thought."
"You were on tour. And Lunk? Last anybody heard of him..."
'
"GREAT KAHUNA!!!!HERE IT COMES!!!"
"RIDE THIS WAVE! RIDE IT! RIDE! RIDE! RIDE!"
"RIDE! RIDE! RIDDDDEEEEE!!!"
(it should be noted the latter two voices are female)

"...he was apparently preoccupied."
"Oh."
"A'yup."

[Arnie100]

(With the Invid Princesses)

Lunk: "SSSSSSSAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE. MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
Invid Princess #1: "What?! You want MORE?!"
Invid Princess #2: "Time to surf the big one!!"
Lunk: "Oh, Dear God...I'm never surfing again!"

[Alpha 11]

"Quiet around here without Rand."
"A'yup."
"Too quiet."
"A'yup."
"Scott, why are you chewing on a sprig of grass while whittling?"
"Series contract requires a 'rustic character' in residence."
"You're not rustic, you're 'fish out of water'; the offworlder come to strange, strange Earth."
"They offered me time and a half to fill in for Rand while he's off-thread."
"...okay...and wasn't Lunk offered the position? He's the one who buys the farm in-story. Come to think of it, I'm an actor, why wasn't I offered the position? Not that I'd take it, mind you, but still, it's the thought."
"You were on tour. And Lunk? Last anybody heard of him..."
'
"GREAT KAHUNA!!!!HERE IT COMES!!!"
"RIDE THIS WAVE! RIDE IT! RIDE! RIDE! RIDE!"
"RIDE! RIDE! RIDDDDEEEEE!!!"
(it should be noted the latter two voices are female)

"...he was apparently preoccupied."
"Oh."
"A'yup."

(With the Invid Princesses)

Lunk: "SSSSSSSAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE. MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
Invid Princess #1: "What?! You want MORE?!"
Invid Princess #2: "Time to surf the big one!!"
Lunk: "Oh, Dear God...I'm never surfing again!"

[taalismn]

(With the Invid Princesses)

Lunk: "SSSSSSSAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE. MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
Invid Princess #1: "What?! You want MORE?!"
Invid Princess #2: "Time to surf the big one!!"
Lunk: "Oh, Dear God...I'm never surfing again!"

Teleporting lifeguards. Take that, Baywatch!

Lunk: *Pant*Gasp*#THUD#"....oddly enough, drowning makes me thirsty....ah, our cooler..(fumble, fumble) Ah!(snap-gurgle-glug-gurgle) AH! The pause that refreshes-....I grabbed Flower of Life nectar didn't I?"
Invid Princess(teleporting in): "Yes, you did."
Lunk: "Anybody on the beach? I mean, anybody ELSE on the beach?"
Invid Princess 2(teleporting in): "Nope, we're all by ourselves here."
Lunk: "...good,...'cause this volcano's about to erupt...."
Invid Princess(turns and looks at the 4th Wall): "I swear, if any of you write that there's a mountain peak nearby about to blow up and ruin this perfectly fine innuendo, you're going to get a gurab shoved up your gastrointestinal tract..."

[glitterboy2098]

flower of life extract.. the only thing that can make Lunk happy to be pursued by invid females..

[taalismn]

flower of life extract.. the only thing that can make Lunk happy to be pursued by invid females..

Hey, it got him through the ceremony in New Vegas...

[Alpha 11]

(With the Invid Princesses)

Lunk: "SSSSSSSAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE. MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
Invid Princess #1: "What?! You want MORE?!"
Invid Princess #2: "Time to surf the big one!!"
Lunk: "Oh, Dear God...I'm never surfing again!"

Teleporting lifeguards. Take that, Baywatch!

Lunk: *Pant*Gasp*#THUD#"....oddly enough, drowning makes me thirsty....ah, our cooler..(fumble, fumble) Ah!(snap-gurgle-glug-gurgle) AH! The pause that refreshes-....I grabbed Flower of Life nectar didn't I?"
Invid Princess(teleporting in): "Yes, you did."
Lunk: "Anybody on the beach? I mean, anybody ELSE on the beach?"
Invid Princess 2(teleporting in): "Nope, we're all by ourselves here."
Lunk: "...good,...'cause this volcano's about to erupt...."
Invid Princess(turns and looks at the 4th Wall): "I swear, if any of you write that there's a mountain peak nearby about to blow up and ruin this perfectly fine innuendo, you're going to get a gurab shoved up your gastrointestinal tract..."

flower of life extract.. the only thing that can make Lunk happy to be pursued by invid females..

flower of life extract.. the only thing that can make Lunk happy to be pursued by invid females..

Hey, it got him through the ceremony in New Vegas...

[SRoss]

Invid Princess(turns and looks at the 4th Wall): "I swear, if any of you write that there's a mountain peak nearby about to blow up and ruin this perfectly fine innuendo, you're going to get a gurab shoved up your gastrointestinal tract..."

Hastily deletes volcano sketch.

[taalismn]

Invid Princess(turns and looks at the 4th Wall): "I swear, if any of you write that there's a mountain peak nearby about to blow up and ruin this perfectly fine innuendo, you're going to get a gurab shoved up your gastrointestinal tract..."

Hastily deletes volcano sketch.

Somewhere in Reflex Point a gurab breaths a sigh of relief...

[Alpha 11]

Invid Princess(turns and looks at the 4th Wall): "I swear, if any of you write that there's a mountain peak nearby about to blow up and ruin this perfectly fine innuendo, you're going to get a gurab shoved up your gastrointestinal tract..."

Hastily deletes volcano sketch.

Invid Princess(turns and looks at the 4th Wall): "I swear, if any of you write that there's a mountain peak nearby about to blow up and ruin this perfectly fine innuendo, you're going to get a gurab shoved up your gastrointestinal tract..."

Hastily deletes volcano sketch.

Somewhere in Reflex Point a gurab breaths a sigh of relief...

[Arnie100]

Arnie100: "I'm busy...got a class to teach...and Sisters...a'yup. Very busy..."

[Alpha 11]

Arnie100: "I'm busy...got a class to teach...and Sisters...a'yup. Very busy..."

[taalismn]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel:

"So, if we space half the civilians now we'll have enough food to reach Earth?"

"That's not ho you do autoerotic strangulation, Captain."

"OOps. I think I just vented most of our air supply!"

"That bunny suit looks quite fetching on you, Captain."

"So, we really accepting this deal Khyron made us?"

"Anybody know how to shut off this 'self destruction'? I didn't even know we HAD a self destruct on this tub!"

"Okay, who stole my dope!?"

[Alpha 11]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel:

"So, if we space half the civilians now we'll have enough food to reach Earth?"

"That's not ho you do autoerotic strangulation, Captain."

"OOps. I think I just vented most of our air supply!"

"That bunny suit looks quite fetching on you, Captain."

"So, we really accepting this deal Khyron made us?"

"Anybody know how to shut off this 'self destruction'? I didn't even know we HAD a self destruct on this tub!"

"Okay, who stole my dope!?"

[taalismn]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel:

"-You're the last of the bridge crew to be converted. Do not resist!"

"At this rate of supply use, we'll have to institute cannibalism in the next five days!"

"Yeah, I always wanted to see if we could use the Main Gun to shoot through the Earth. Now's our chance!"

"-can't let the civilians know about the zombies. It will start a panic!"

"Okay, WHAT did our spacefold do to the Sun?"

"Wow, that's incredible that you can still work the bridge controls even in a rubber straitjacket, Lisa!"

"According to the navigation readings, we're WHERE?!"

[SRoss]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

- "Umm, you guys remember all those dogs and monkees we launched into space?"

[taalismn]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

-"Okay, so the Captain needs a heart transplant and there's no convenient donors dead of an accident. We'll have to MAKE an accident as soon as we find a compatible donor."

[Alpha 11]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel:

"-You're the last of the bridge crew to be converted. Do not resist!"

"At this rate of supply use, we'll have to institute cannibalism in the next five days!"

"Yeah, I always wanted to see if we could use the Main Gun to shoot through the Earth. Now's our chance!"

"-can't let the civilians know about the zombies. It will start a panic!"

"Okay, WHAT did our spacefold do to the Sun?"

"Wow, that's incredible that you can still work the bridge controls even in a rubber straitjacket, Lisa!"

"According to the navigation readings, we're WHERE?!"

Got some good ones here.

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

- "Umm, you guys remember all those dogs and monkees we launched into space?"

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

-"Okay, so the Captain needs a heart transplant and there's no convenient donors dead of an accident. We'll have to MAKE an accident as soon as we find a compatible donor."

[taalismn]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"Okay, load the Skynet program into the ship's mainframe and let's see what this thing can do."

[SRoss]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

- (The crack of a whip and Mideastern music followed by:) Gloval: "Dance! Dance! Dance for me my beauties!"

[taalismn]

"]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-black hole?! WHERE?!...oh jesus christ...."

[Arnie100]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"I'll KILL YOU!!! DIEDIEDIE!!! Kill you ALLL!!!!

(Sound of toilet flushing) "Aaaaaaahhhhh..."

"Did we just run out of food supplies??"

"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout..."

"Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman."

"Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone!

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!"

[Alpha 11]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"Okay, load the Skynet program into the ship's mainframe and let's see what this thing can do."

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

- (The crack of a whip and Mideastern music followed by:) Gloval: "Dance! Dance! Dance for me my beauties!"

"]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-black hole?! WHERE?!...oh jesus christ...."

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"I'll KILL YOU!!! DIEDIEDIE!!! Kill you ALLL!!!!

(Sound of toilet flushing) "Aaaaaaahhhhh..."

"Did we just run out of food supplies??"

"I'm a little tea pot, short and stout..."

"Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman."

"Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone!

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway!"

[taalismn]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-I'M NOT DYING AS A VIRGIN! GET THOSE PANTS OFF -NOW-, BUSTER!"

[SRoss]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-So anyway, we get back to his place for some heavy petting and he whips it out. It took everything I had to keep from laughing. Seriously! So I look at him and say; OHMYGOD! <Insert your name here>! DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT WITH A MICRONIZATION CHAMBER OR SOMETHING?"

[Arnie100]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-So anyway, we get back to his place for some heavy petting and he whips it out. It took everything I had to keep from laughing. Seriously! So I look at him and say; OHMYGOD! <Insert your name here>! DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT WITH A MICRONIZATION CHAMBER OR SOMETHING?"

Edwards: "I've never been so humiliated in my entire life!! (Sobbing)"
Benson: "That's....(snickers)...most unfortunate, Sir...."

[SRoss]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-Yeah, so anyway he tried to give me that old line about it being cold, I turned to him and said; JEEZ! <Insert your name here>! I'VE DATED GUYS IN ICEGUARD WHO'RE LONGER THEN THAT!"

[glitterboy2098]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel
"actually, no i'm not a helmsman, but i stayed at a holiday inn express last night"

"landing thrusters, landing thrusters. if i were a landing thruster, where would i be?"

"oops"

[taalismn]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"You did WHAT with our protoculture supply?!"

"...where are the escape pods?"

[SRoss]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"No, I'm not the Captain, but I did save money on GEICO!"

[taalismn]

]More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"Dear god...I didn't think it was POSSIBLE for spiders to get that big..."

[Arnie100]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"That's right, Khyron!! Who's your Mommy?! Say it...SAY IT!!! (Sound of whip cracking)"

[taalismn]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"Who are we assigning to Mauve Squadron this time?"

"Who's the clueless dupe we're volunteering for the suicide mission?"

"-exorcism hasn't gotten rid of it!"

"I TOLD you biowarfare was a bad idea! More often than not, it backfires on its users, just like now!"

[Alpha 11]

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-I'M NOT DYING AS A VIRGIN! GET THOSE PANTS OFF -NOW-, BUSTER!"

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-So anyway, we get back to his place for some heavy petting and he whips it out. It took everything I had to keep from laughing. Seriously! So I look at him and say; OHMYGOD! <Insert your name here>! DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT WITH A MICRONIZATION CHAMBER OR SOMETHING?"

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-So anyway, we get back to his place for some heavy petting and he whips it out. It took everything I had to keep from laughing. Seriously! So I look at him and say; OHMYGOD! <Insert your name here>! DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT WITH A MICRONIZATION CHAMBER OR SOMETHING?"

Edwards: "I've never been so humiliated in my entire life!! (Sobbing)"
Benson: "That's....(snickers)...most unfortunate, Sir...."

Classic Style: More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"-Yeah, so anyway he tried to give me that old line about it being cold, I turned to him and said; JEEZ! <Insert your name here>! I'VE DATED GUYS IN ICEGUARD WHO'RE LONGER THEN THAT!"

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel
"actually, no i'm not a helmsman, but i stayed at a holiday inn express last night"

"landing thrusters, landing thrusters. if i were a landing thruster, where would i be?"

"oops"

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"You did WHAT with our protoculture supply?!"

"...where are the escape pods?"

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"No, I'm not the Captain, but I did save money on GEICO!"

]More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"Dear god...I didn't think it was POSSIBLE for spiders to get that big..."

[Alpha 11]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"That's right, Khyron!! Who's your Mommy?! Say it...SAY IT!!! (Sound of whip cracking)"

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"Who are we assigning to Mauve Squadron this time?"

"Who's the clueless dupe we're volunteering for the suicide mission?"

"-exorcism hasn't gotten rid of it!"

"I TOLD you biowarfare was a bad idea! More often than not, it backfires on its users, just like now!"

[Arnie100]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"That's it...deeper...pull...nono...PUSH...now pump FASTER!!"
"It's stuck..."
"Don't you know how to do anything right?!"

[SRoss]

More Things You Don't Want to Hear Over an Open Command Channel

"ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK!"